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This would be Snape after recieving some well deserved genuine love and affection for the first time in a long, long time (through a hug or a gentle pat on the shoulder). Our beloved bat would definitely not want to let go 🤧

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You know what’s really funny? Rowling has stated multiple times that Lily did love Snape, that it would’ve became romantic if only he wasn’t enamoured by the dark arts and that says a lot about Lily’s character.

You’re telling me that she loved him and she did less than the bare minimum to defend him and support him, then Lily sucks, there’s no way to go around it

That statement has always seemed like utter bullshit to me, because you love people for who they are, not for what you expect or want them to be according to your own criteria. I mean, Severus loved the Dark Arts from the start, it was part of him. It was part of his personality. So who did Lily actually love, then? Who could she have fallen in love with? Someone completely different? It’s like saying So-and-so could have fallen in love with Messi if Messi hadn’t been a football player. Well, yeah, but then he wouldn’t be Messi, he’d be someone else entirely. He might still be called Leo Messi, but he wouldn’t be the Messi we see on TV, because his whole life has been shaped by football. You get what I’m saying? So that statement is absurd, because to me it basically says that yeah, sure, Lily could have loved Severus, if Severus had been a completely different person. With the same name and the same face, but a different personality, which is ultimately what makes someone who they are. So yeah, I think it’s a shitty idea, honestly. But then again, Rowling is shallow as hell, so I’m not even surprised.

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What kind of kinks do you think sneep would have? Would he be more vanilla? Or would he be a dom daddy with multiple kinks he'd want to try with his partner?

And... please don't judge me. I'm ovulating right now tehe 🤭🙃

i would never judge you, anon. god knows i'm not in a position to point fingers lmao

before we can discuss what kinks i think severus can possibly have, first let me acknowledge that 1) whatever desires sev may or may not have, he probably doesn't have sophisticated names for them (as previously established, the wizarding world stopped evolving in the middle ages; they're conservative and repressed), and 2) this man is extremely untrusting of others, insecure and sexually inexperienced (if he was a virgin or not by the time of his death, it's still something i'm contemplating about; ask me again in a few weeks, and i'll give you an definitive answer)

so from this alone we can presume that, yes, by definition severus must be quite vanilla. he's not seeking out people to be kinky with, simply because he's not seeking out anyone at all lmao. i mean, i guess that could change if he was to enter a stable romantic relationship with someone who's into the same things as him. it's not completely out of the realm of possibility. still, it seems rather unlikely given the time period and severus' own trauma towards intimacy and just sheer sexual repression

that's not to mean he doesn't have fantasies and desires considered out of the norm though. he does, but it's something that only exists in the depths of his mind, yes? i think he would have trouble accepting any kind of loss of control over his body and mind, especially if we're talking about his sexuality. besides, not everyone is open minded and "woke" enough to understand that having depraved and perverted thoughts doesn't necessarily make you depraved and perverted

so yeah, technically, he's not very kinky at all

HOWEVER, just because severus can't name or recognize his kinks by what they are, doesn't mean they're not real. have you ever heard of linguistic relativity? it refers to the idea that the language one speaks can influence the way they think. so if you don't have the words for something, a definition, then it's not a thing. it's not a valid concept worth thinking about seriously, and that's what happens to severus in regards to his kinks

okay, so this is getting way too fucking long to such a silly goofy ask, so let's go to the list:

voyeurism. i said this before and i will say it again: you can't be a good legilimens if you're not curious about people's secret thoughts and ideas. you have to want to know, and you have to like having the knowledge even if you don't like the knowledge itself. also, the guy was a literal spy. he thrives on knowing intimate things about people. oh, prince, but what does that have to do with anything???? BITCH, don't suppress the artist. this shit has to bleed over to other parts of his life, it's what i mean—there's no fucking way it doesn't. are you telling me he never caught a stray sexual fantasy out of someone's mind? are you telling me he never jerked off to the sound of his classmates jerking off in the slytherin dorms? are you telling me that during his gig as a spy, wandering around the manors of sexually repressed dark wizards, he never got an eyeful? please

olfactophilia. scent kink, basically. it's one of my headcanons that severus has a very acute sense of smell, weirdly so. like, imagine hannibal lecter being able to literally smell out sickness, that's severus snape. he's not really into fetid smells though, it's more of a natural body smell thing. some people say it's a pheromones thing, who knows. but give him your working out clothes and he'll masturbate with them on his face. i know this dude is into licking armpits, but i just can't prove it—

underwear fetish. panty sniffer. i'm sorry, but it's true. and yeah, it's the smell thing again, but it's also the inherently intimate nature of panties in general. i mean, your underwear is constantly cupping your bits and i feel like this is a thought severus would obsess over every time he sees someone's underwear (which, admittedly, isn't very often). also, have you ever watched call me by your name? there's a scene where elio puts on oliver's shorts and masturbates while wearing them. now that's severus snape

degradation/praise kink. this one will make enemies, i know, but hear me out. do i think severus enjoys being called names during sexy times? no, absolutely not. he will get upset, angry and insecure wondering if there's an edge of truth to your words. so no calling him a "slut". but i also do think he can enjoy it in a very specific way. if you use a softly mocking and condescending tone of voice while simultaneously praising him, this man is done for. say he's desperate or pathetic, and also call him "love" or "honey" and he's putty in your hands (needless to say, this isn't something you can just throw at him or he'll hex you to hell—baby steps)

humiliation kink. again, only under very specific circumstances where there's no actual risk of being humiliated for real. probably not even involving another human being at all, just him alone. maybe he imagines himself jerking off or having sex in front of the death eaters and the dark lord or he uses a pensive to see his own performance during sex (if you know, you know lmao) and the cringe makes him hot for some fucking reason. maybe it's because he's the one in control of the narrative so that's sexy for him, who knows🤷🏾‍♀️well, i probably should know since this is my post, but sometimes i work with vibes only, guys. i do stand by this though

exhibitionism. but like, a passive sort of exhibitionism if that makes sense. a dormant sort of exhibitionism only activated when he's aware he's being watched and the person who's watching him is also aware he's watching them. it can't be a sneaky thing, or that'll turn him off

bondage. but don't think you'll be the one tying him up because that just won't happen. yes, i think he could be into the idea of tying up his partner. of just having them completely at his mercy. he probably wouldn't even know what to do at first, but that's not really the point. it's a trust thing for him. if you trust him enough to let him restrain you like this, then that must mean you really love him and is unafraid of him. which is an honor, really. hypocritical? maybe, but you try getting hanged upside down to see if you can trust anyone restraining you ever again

soft dom/domme. you asked if i thought severus would be the type of being a daddy dom and the answer is no. honestly, i can't see him being very dominant in bed at all. but i can imagine someone doing it to him. would his person be his dominant in a official way? also, no. i think it would sneak up on them; a dynamic where severus has a partner who's "bossy", assertive and decisive and severus would just let them take the wheel sometimes. and not always sexually either. they would make sure he eats, sleeps, go out etc, and he would agree with minimal grumbling because it just feels easier having someone telling you what to do. i mean, he already has two masters, what's another one?

yeah, i think that's it for now. i hope this was... something🙂‍↔️

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Frfr 💀🙄😒

easiest way to tell if someone's braindead is if they call severus a nazi like lmfao

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Two times I've posted about how reading Snape's worst memory makes me physically ill and unable to sleep. Both times I got people in the comments saying he deserved it. What is it about "this event makes me physically ill" makes people think I'm absolutely fit to hear about how horrible Severus was and how much he deserves it?

No, tell me how it makes any sense to go to a person obviously in emotional turmoil and compound it by saying, 'Hey, you know this guy you feel bad for? He deserved everything that happened to him. Hey, you know the sexual harassment you read about? He brought it on himself.'

What the fuck? Have people lost all empathy? All sense? Do I need to spell it out? I feel like I'm breaking and I don't want to discuss whether public humiliation and sexual assault are deserved.

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Snape was smarter than James and Sirius

I saw a TikTok in which the op was mentioning how the Mauraders were smarter than Severus, and I can't help but come out here and say that that's a load of bollocks.

Their argument was them becoming Animagus while underage, as well as the creation of the Mauraders map. Along with McGonagall mentioning how they were the smartest of their year.

Now, don't scroll yet, this is where I want to object.

Turning into an Animagus is a ministry observed action. And while turning in itself without supervision and in school years is an amazing feat, it's clear that it's a manual followed process.

Rita too was an unregistered Animagus, let's not forget. And the Mauraders map?

Let's take the magical logic that was established in the books. Charmed objects are created/charmed by a wizard, by already existing spells and putting multiple spells at once.

Hermione did something similar with the DA signing form.

What does this mean? The Mauraders map is a mixture of spells and charms, maped out with the help of invisibility cloak and 4 students who explored at night.

Smart right? So what makes Snape smarter?

Snape was a creator.

He created his own spells, now would you call that smarter than putting multiple spells in a piece of paper?

Severus altered his potions book, improving already existing recipes, which were made by professional potioneers and published. He had a basic and in depth knowledge of potions, far beyond his age.

A teacher only notices students who are active participants in class, and given James and Sirius's personality (we can see in Snape's worst memories that James actively tries to engage the audience in Severus's humiliation), it isn't far off to assume that they were actively answering in class to impress others, compared to Severus, who is shown to have a much more reclusive and secretive personality. So to any teacher, this would obviously create an image that James and Sirius were just smarter than the rest of the students.

So for a fandom that loves reading in between the lines, some people sure do love ignoring things that don't benefit their favs.

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i'm sure this has been done before but

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Headcanon #4 (Order Meeting edition)

[Scene: 12 Grimmauld Place, kitchen. Order members are seated around the table. Tension is thick. Severus enters in his usual dramatic fashion — cloak swirling, expression set to “eternal disdain.”]

Sirius (immediately, arms crossed): You have a lot of nerve coming here.

Severus (without missing a beat): And yet here I am — unbothered, well-dressed, and entirely out of patience.

Tonks (whispers to Lupin): He’s like if sarcasm were a person.

Severus (sits down slowly, looking around): Ah, nothing like starting a secret war council with public emotional instability and teenage-level grudges.

Sirius: I’m sorry, do you want a welcome hug or something?

Severus (coolly): No thank you, I left my flea powder at home.

Molly (trying to change the subject): Let’s just focus, shall we? We’re all on the same side here.

Severus: That’s debatable. Half the people at this table still think a “plan” means charging in and hoping Gryffindor bravado solves everything.

Kingsley (chuckling): He’s not wrong.

Sirius (muttering): At least I don’t hide behind a curtain of greasy hair and emotional repression.

Severus (dryly): And yet I still manage to contribute more than aggressively brooding in my inherited haunted house. Imagine that.

[Awkward silence. Mad-Eye snorts. Tonks chokes on her tea.]

Minerva (without looking up from her notes): Severus, must you antagonize everyone?

Severus: I’m not antagonizing. I’m merely providing commentary. Think of me as the dark, brooding narrator none of you asked for — but desperately need.

Sirius (snapping): Do you ever stop talking in riddles and insults?

Severus (smirking): Only when the company improves.

Kingsley: Okay, I’m not saying I condone violence… but I would pay to watch this on a stage.

Molly (stern): That’s enough, both of you! We are adults.

Severus: Some of us more convincingly than others.

Remus (under his breath): I’m just here for the biscuits.

Tonks: I’m here for the chaos.

Dumbledore (serenely ignoring everything with a goofy, whimsical expression): Tea, anyone?

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The average Snater lies deliberately. I just came across a post from one of the most prominent Snaters (I never remember her name, but she has an orange bird as her avatar and something like winds in her username or something) —a die-hard James Potter simp— and she shamelessly claims the following:

1. That Severus “started” the fight with James Potter. I’m sorry, are we reading the same books? Because it is explicitly stated that Sirius and James hunt Severus down while he’s walking alone, minding his business, simply because Sirius is bored and James wants to entertain him. Where in that sequence of events does Severus “initiate” anything? This isn’t a matter of interpretation, it’s right there in the damn text. Do you think people can’t read? Or do you just count on the fact that if you lie often enough, some poor soul will start parroting it back to you?

2. That everything was Severus’s fault because he allegedly used Sectumsempra on James. Let’s get two facts straight: first, nowhere in the books does it say that Severus used Sectumsempra on James. And second, even if he had used a defensive spelll, he was being attacked. This is the equivalent of telling a woman it’s her fault for hitting back when a man tries to assault her. Let that sink in: what you’re actually defending is the idea that the victim of an unprovoked attack becomes responsible the moment they dare to fight back. That’s not just twisted, it’s grotesque. It reveals a mindset so deeply poisoned by victim-blaming and power-worship that I honestly don’t know whether to be angry or horrified.

3. That Severus wasn’t stripped to his underwear. This is another lie that Snaters and James stans recite like a prayer, hoping that if they repeat it enough times, it’ll become fact. But guess what? The original British English uses “pants”, and in British English, that means underwear. And in case you still want to play dumb, the Spanish, Catalan, and French translations all use the word for underwear. Not trousers. Not slacks. Underwear. And we don’t give a damn of you’re fucking american and the word for you or your translation means otherwise because what matters is the ORIGINAL SOURCE. This isn’t a debate. It’s not ambiguous. He was publicly humiliated and stripped down to his underclothes for the amusement of a privileged bully with nothing better to do than abuse a vulnerable, socially isolated classmate.

This is a textbook case of bullying. Even Harry, the boy who idolized his father, walks away from that memory disgusted and ashamed. And yet here you are, bending over backwards to defend it. Why? Because you like James? Because he’s rich, popular, and conventionally charismatic? Because it’s easier to justify cruelty than to examine your own biases?

It’s especially rich —and frankly disturbing— that so many of you throw around the word “Nazi” while employing the exact same manipulative tactics Goebbels would be proud of: repeat a lie often enough, distort reality, dehumanize the target, shift the blame to the victim. You don’t care about the books. You don’t care about consistency. You just need Severus to be the villain, no matter what it takes. Because if he’s not, you might have to face the uncomfortable truth that your golden boy was a bully, and your moral compass might be completely fucked.

You don’t have to like Severus. That’s fine. But stop lying. Stop distorting canon. Stop defending abusers just because they smile while doing it. And for the love of basic decency, stop projecting your own need to lick the boots of the privileged onto fictional narratives. Being poor doesn’t absolve you from being a classist bootlicker, education does. But clearly, most of you aren’t interested in being educated. You’re interested in being right, even if it means rewriting the text, justifying abuse, and blaming victims.

Frankly, if your entire personality revolves around excusing abuse and calling it charisma, maybe it’s time you stopped talking. No one needs to hear your opinion. Especially not when it sounds like a PR campaign for assault apologists.

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Chanwills0 always makes me laugh 🤣😂 Her impression are just sooooo good!

Watch "Hazza P and the Smart Man’s Rock (Episode 1)" on YouTube

I've thought for a while - the best way to view Harry Potter is through parody clips, and it's true once again

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Tell Mommie Maxdiberta that she's extremely hot and I need her inside me. Oooooh, ahhhh, aahhh, harder, fuck me in the ass. Fuck, Mommie Maxdiberta. My pussy is so wet for her.

@maxdibert

Uh.... wtf ????......Go tell @maxdibert yourself then, you horny gremlin.

Max...... come pick me up. I'm scared 🥺😭

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Harry Potter and the Muggle Therapist

Therapy, but Make it Mutual:

"Snape Survives AU"

featuring Harry forcing Severus Snape to go to therapy with him because they both went through so much but Severus is still being Severus

Harry: "You owe it to yourself."

Snape: "I owe myself silence,Potter. And perhaps a fatal dose of Wolfsbane."

Harry: "Look, I’m paying. You just have to sit there and listen, you don't even have to talk."

Snape: "This is not about money matters ,you foolish boy. You're telling me I survived Nagini for this?"

Harry successfully forced Sev (pleading with his big green eyes) to group therapy

Therapist: "Let’s start by identifying common ground."

Harry: "We both almost died like ten times."

Snape: "And yet here we sit. Cursed with resilience and damned to exist."

Harry: "Also we both had terrible childhoods and authority issues."

Snape: (grits teeth) "Don’t you dare relate to me."

Therapist: (started writing notes over notes since Snape entered the room)

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Headcanon #3 (platonic Snily edition)

[Imagine: If Lily had begrudgingly understood why Severus had called her a mudblood during SWM, and actually forgave him and continued being acquainted with him, if not staying friends with him.]

[Scene: Hogwarts Courtyard — Lily and Severus are sitting under a tree, textbooks open, but very little studying happening because Lily's secretly daydreaming about James.]

Lily: Hm.... I'm forgetting something.

Severus (deadpanned): Your morals, probably? I've seen what happens when you hang out with Potter for too long.

Lily (rolling her eyes): No, Sev. I meant homework.

Severus: Same thing. One leads to academic failure. The other leads to laughing while someone is dangled upside-down by their ankles and stripped off their clothes.

Lily (mock serious): You act like you don't want to prank people.

Severus: I do want to prank people. I just believe in doing it respectfully and with dignity, subtlety, and plausible deniability – not glitter bombs and bad hair charms.

Lily: You mean your kind of prank – psychological warfare wrapped in passive aggression.

Severus (smirking): Exactly. The only glitter I use is sarcasm.

Lily: Wow..... I can practically see the moral superiority leaking out of your pores.

Severus: Oh, that's just the potion fumes. But sure, let's call it a conscience.

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Headcanon #2 (staff members edition)

[Scene: Great Hall- Lockhart strolls in, proudly flaunting his new, expensive cloak, completely unaware that someone (most definitely Fred and George) has hexed the back of his cloak to display a live, sparkling slideshow of his most embarrassing facial expressions — double chins, sneezes mid-pose, one where his teeth are covered in spinach, all set to glittery pink captions like "Humble Hero", "Certified Charmer", and "Witch Weekly’s #1 Cringe!"]

Lockhart: Good morning, my dear colleagues! Notice anything particularly dazzling today?

Severus: *sits in his usual seat, nursing a teacup, eyes fixated on Lockhart's back, a slow, smug smirk curling his lips.*

Minerva: *raising an eyebrow at Severus.*

Severus (without looking at Minerva): I didn't do it. But I wish I had. Whoever did it is a freaking genius. It's....... masterful.

[Meanwhile..... Lockhart spins dramatically. The back of his cloak flashing with the secret mastery of the Weasley Twins, unknowingly giving everyone a view of the hilarious ridiculousness displayed on his cloak.]

Minerva (sighing to hold back a snigger): Merlin's sake..... How is it possible for someone to have that much 'vanity' and that little amount of self-awareness?

Severus: It's a gift. Unfortunately, it came unwrapped.

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Headcanon #1 (staff members edition)

Remus: Hey, do you have a bag that I can borrow from ya?

Severus: The only bags I have are the ones under my eyes, and they're specifically designed to carry the burden of my existence- unlike you, who spent 7 years carrying the emotional baggage of three overgrown Gryffindor toddlers with boundary issues.

Remus: ...Ok........ Literally all you had to say was no.

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I also think James's actions towards Severus kind of set the stage for Harry later learning to empathize with Severus and then naming his son after him, which didn't come out of nowhere like some would so. He's horrified when he first sees what his dad did to him. Then seeing the rest of Severus's memories kind of completes that picture. I always felt he kind of wanted to atone for James's actions.

In other words, you're completely right about the fact that James is only more than just a name to serve Severus's arc.

Well, I think what motivates Harry is precisely trying to understand why Severus despised him so much, that this contempt was completely irrational and that this irrationality stemmed from what his father did to him and the gravity of that situation. Harry is generally quite useless when it comes to understanding other people’s emotions and feelings, so it’s striking how much he empathizes with Severus, to the point of confronting Sirius and Remus because he feels horrified by what he sees. Harry hates Severus at that point in the story —he really despises him— but even so, he never justifies his father’s actions. He even finds it incredible that his mother married someone like that.

Harry takes those attacks personally because he associates them with what he experienced with Dudley and the abuse he suffered from him. He identifies with Severus —someone he can't stand— so much so that the idealized image he had of his father comes crashing down all at once. That implies a very direct kind of empathy with those events, a very primal way of connecting with them.

And I think that when he finds out the truth, that despite all of that, Severus was working in the shadows from the beginning to make things turn out right, that in spite of the hatred and resentment he helped Harry in his own way, saved his ass, and gave everything he had to defeat Voldemort, that’s when he truly realizes the value of Severus’s actions and that he really wasn’t a bad person. That’s why he decides to honor him.

Basically, Harry understands everything the Snaters stubbornly refuse to accept, ironically.

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I read Snape's Worst Memory for the first time yesterday. I'm legitimately, physically in pain for what happened to Severus. I couldn't sleep. It feels like there's a stone in my throat, the pain is a physical sensation. I'm devastated by how much this tramautic experience is just swept under the carpet. They hung him upside down and stripped him naked in front of a crowd of his peers.

He's a fifteen year old, low-class boy in a bigotted school who literally did nothing to prompt this. And his friend is amused by it, almost cracked a smile. And when he lashes out verbally at his friend, instead of recognizing he's in the midst of a highly traumatic experience, she joins in with the bullies by calling him dirty, and uses the name his bullies use to break down his sense of self. And walks away! And then when he apologises for lashing out at her, she still resents him! And marries his fucking tormenter! What the fuck!