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i swear to god if one more stupid fandom ruins a beautiful text post i am calling the police

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So my family has a Gay Pirate Plate.

Stay with me.

We do not know how the hell the Gay Pirate Plate was first acquired. This being a point of contention is actually pretty plot-relevant; the saga of the Gay Pirate Plate began with my grandmother and her sister, who, for some ungodly reason, both BADLY wanted the Gay Pirate Plate and believed it to be rightfully theirs.

I should back up, firstly, to establish: The Gay Pirate Plate is the cheapest, tackiest, ugliest plate in existence.

It is in no way a collector’s item. It is physically impossible for it to complement anyone’s decor, because the colors in it are garish. It’s just a ceramic plate with a gay pirate painted on it, and the painting is, this cannot be emphasized enough, extremely bad.

(How do we know the pirate is gay if he’s just posing on a plate? Listen. Fully 100% to stereotype, but he is. He is gay. There’s an energy. That pirate is a flaming homosexual. That pirate has sex with men and does it frequently. That pirate is fucking gay, all right, he just is.)

Anyway. The point is that this is an extremely cheap and ugly plate with a poorly-executed painting of pirate on it who is like a nine on the Kinsey scale.

My grandmother and her sister fought a blood feud over this plate for their entire lives. It would be on the wall in my grandma’s house, and then her sister would visit, and then it would be gone. She’d visit her sister and the plate would be on the wall and her sister would pretend it had always been there. She would steal it back, hang it up, and, when her sister visited, pretend it had always been there. This continued for DECADES.

When the sister died, the Gay Pirate Plate lived triumphantly in my grandmother’s house. And then my grandmother died. And my aunt, who had lived with her and been her carer throughout her life, rightfully inherited their house.

We visit my aunt after the funeral and stay with her for a week or two.

Me, my sister, and our dad. Her brother.

The three of us look at each other. We don’t say anything. We studiously avoid making eye contact with the Gay Pirate Plate mounted proud and ugly on the wall. We notice one another studiously avoiding looking at it. We notice one another noticing. We say nothing. We come to a silent consensus. We pack up to leave. We get in the van. Our aunt comes out to say goodbye. I loudly announce I need to use the restroom before we leave. She obviously stays outside to continue talking to my dad.

I take down the Gay Pirate Plate, stuff it under my oversized sweatshirt, go outside, and get in the van. She happily waves goodbye as we drive off.

Two days later my dad gets a phone call that opens with hysterical laughter and “You FUCKING ASSHOLE did you seriously STEAL THE PLATE–”

Anyway. The gay pirate plate lives in my dad’s house currently.

But he’s trying to get me and my sister out to visit him. And plate mounts are cheap.

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This week-long arc Peanuts arc ran when the measles vaccination was first developed and widely administered in 1967.  GoComics republished it as part of their rerun strips late last year, but it could obviously stand to go around again.

Big slow claps to everyone who made a 50-year-old PSA relevant, good job everyone we’re doing GREAT

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A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

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X

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piper halliwell and leo wyatt in 3.15

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Skaters, coaches, and family killed in the Washington Plane Crash over the Potomac River:

These skaters were returning from the post-Nationals Development Camp for young skaters in Wichita, KS. This is an event for up and coming athletes that gives them the opportunity to be seen by USFS officials and train with top coaches. All of these skaters were extremely young. Please correct me if I made an error, but I don't believe any of them were older than sixteen.

Unfathomable tragedy. Skating is such a small community. Everyone is going to feel the resonance of this. It's reminiscent of the 1961 Team USA figure skating plane crash. My heart goes out to everyone affected.

Spencer Lane (athlete at Skating Club of Boston) and his mother, Christine Lane

Jinna Han (athlete at Skating Club of Boston) and her mother, Jin Han

Vadim Naumov and Evgenia Shiskova (coaches, 1994 world pairs champions, two time Olympians, and parents of US skater Maxim Naumov- Skating Club of Boston)

Eddie Zhou (athlete, Skating Club of Northern Virginia)

Everly and Alydia Livingston (sisters and athletes at the Washington Figure Skating Club)

Franco Aparico (athlete, Washington Figure Skating Club)

Inna Volyanskaya (coach, former pairs champion- Washington Figure Skating Club)

Angela Yang and Sean Kay (athletes, ice dancer partners- University of Delaware Figure Skating Club)

Brielle Beyer (athlete, Skating Club of Northern Virginia) and her mother, Justyna Magdalena

Cory Haynos (athlete, Skating Club of Northern Virginia)

Alexandr Kirsanov (coach, former elite ice dancer- Skating Club of Delaware)

(picture source)

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Awful day for figure skating 😞💔🕊

As a huge figure skating fan, my heart is heavy. A number of athletes on this flight were known to me.

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if you’re having a bad day, here’s a cute little marching band

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To all Americans out there:

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They’re back!!

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