pyrrhe

[pyrrhe]

everyone… i realise now that i have friends as well. you don’t have to save the world to find meaning in life… sometimes, all you need is something simple, like someone to take care of. i’ll keep on living no matter what, so that i can protect you…  /  indie & selective aigis from persona 3 ; written by ramiel. credit: 1 , 2

[pyrrhe]

hi everyone. it’s your least favorite poor lesbian on tumblr. basically long story short. i need to move again and even though i work full time it’s definitely not going to be enough to cover all of the expenses that i personally need to move again. so if you have anything to spare to help this poor lesbian please give me a hand. literally everything helps

my paypal / cashapp / ko-fi / venmo: cosmobaut

[pyrrhe]

  hi! it’s ramiel from @pyrrhe. i remade my shouto due to stress, and i’m here now! i write the most pretentious gayest shouto i possibly can , follow for more weird and niche imagery and boys w two quirks but only one braincell.

[pyrrhe]

i’m remaking, this blog has become too stressful for me. i’ll drop my new blog here soon!

[pyrrhe]

brother what is a... mey mey

  its pronounced me-me........  H

[pyrrhe]

dropbox

dropbox

[pyrrhe]

Me realising the parallels between the todorokis, hawks and shigaraki now

[pyrrhe]

                 i think you will set yourself afire before you realise that even you cannot conquer the sun. rebellion sits well on you; like a red coat or the gilt gold burnish of youth.

   ( i do not believe we shall ever see how old age looks on you. you are breaking my heart. ) 

[pyrrhe]

interviewer: what’s it like dating one of the biggest heroes of our times?

todoroki: [remembers that one time midoriya was lying on the couch upside down and trying to drink milk, but then he waterboarded himself with the milk and coughed for ten seconds before trying again]

todoroki: its alright, i guess

[pyrrhe]

a smol todoroki for @pyrrhe

[pyrrhe]

i adore your portrayal,,, your shouto is so GOOD i've read a few of your threads as they've crossed my dash and i love him!! he's a good boy and your writing is super lovely. a++++ fuyumi adores her sweet baby brother with her whole entire heart

tell my how i’m doing 

OUGHHH THANK YOU..........;;v;; it means a lot

[pyrrhe]

beep beep how’s my portrayal ?

[pyrrhe]

tikkvn‌: - the sun and all the stars

               the blue screen of death. a common occurrence in people who use computers and watching the entire screen stop working. it’s also a state of izuku’s mind, watching his eyes swirl in confusion for a moment. before going completely blank, usually unstoppable mind completely wiped at the very question. that’s not to say that izuku does not want children, on the contrary, izuku would love to be a dad one day. kids are great he loves eri and kouta, even if kouta is a prickly little thing. but somewhere in the swirling vortex of gender is fake and evil, holy shit i’m gay, and i’m going to be a hero no what it takes. the idea of children got buried deep into his subconscious.

                   there had been visions of his future when he was younger, when toxic masculinity strangled his throat. if he wanted to be a man he had to like girls to be a man right, a faceless future with a faceless wife that would eventually have children with him if he was lucky, and the strangling inevitability of failure because he had always known the could try as hard he wanted to heroism was probably going to be too far out of his fingers to ever reach. but that’s not how life worked was it?

                     because being attracted to women isn’t a pre-requiste for manhood and honestly he’s as gay the day is long. because all might believed in him enough to be make him a hero. and the future is so much better than his strangling middle school closeted thoughts could have ever imagined. and he really must be doing something right, for shouto todoroki, the undeniable pretty boy of 3A to honestly ask him about their future like this. now if only if he could stop being so flustered and answer him.

  there’s no reply, and shouto has a moment of panic. did he scare izuku? did he make him uncomfy? it’s dark and he’s half blind, literally, so he sits up to see izuku’s face better, but it offers no further clarity. fear sets in, and he almost wants to shake. was he wrong? doubts start to creep into him, down his spine. would he really be that good of a father? considering who brought him up, he doubts it. but no - these are the things that his therapist tells him not to think. 

 but he still might have overstepped his boundaries. its a long way into the future, it’s a lot to think about now with the world crumbling around them. it’s a lot. 

 but he wants to be with izuku forever. he wants to marry him, he realises. he’s thought of it for years, since he was fifteen and they weren’t quite together, that he’d love to be shouto midoriya, to shake off the shell of the todoroki name and bury it. he won’t ask izuku for a while, he thinks. it’s not right. (he will actually ask izuku in a few months, but he doesn’t know this. he has no idea what’s coming.) 

  “izuku?” he tries to hide the wobble in his voice, that ever so present fear and anxiety. “are... you okay? did... oh god - did i fuck up?” he brushes his long hair out of his face, and tries not to cry. 

[pyrrhe]

i have something to say 

[pyrrhe]

all i have written today is tddk and thats ok

[pyrrhe]

it wasn’t your fault. this was all my fault.

   angst starters / accepting.

 guilt lives in shouto like a childhood home, like a stream in a seaside cave. it curls in him in tiny blades, sinks teeth into his shoulders and blows flame into his hands. 

 he’s had no one but himself to blame for these years. he’d done so much in school, made so much process, only to throw it all away because his boyfriend broke up with him. he’d allowed his father control of his life again, he’d abandoned his friends, he’d kept relationships short and brief and checked the news everyday for those brief flashes of izuku on the corner, of him, green and incandescent at the end of a foiled heist, of the flash of his smile, and how he still made shouto’s heart skip, even after all those years. 

 but the pain, the sadness, all of it had peeled away like the chrysalis from butterfly wings at being in that airport with izuku again. he doesn’t care, he thinks, if he’s here, if he can touch izuku again, if they never get back together, or if izuku hates him, or - 

 it’s been made fairly clear to him that izuku does not hate him, and there might be a large chance that he wants to get back together, with the amount of kissing they’ve been doing. they’re both guilty of it. shouto’s pretty dense. he’s aware of it. but he might be being wilfully so in this situation, when the only real way out of it would be to talk. 

 shouto’s a coward, after all. 

 so when izuku says that, his heart drops like glass on the floor. (he can’t run now. he can’t run now.)

 proximity was natural when they were dating (were dating, past tense), so he almost instinctively moves forward, presses his forehead against izuku’s, and it feels nostalgic and melancholy in a profoundly simple way. 

 “it...” words stick in his mouth, and he gulps, shudders, opens then closes it like a fish. he’s twelve years old again, unable to talk because he was scared and angry.

  “it wasn’t... all your fault. i...” and he leans forward, tears steak down his face. “izuku, i did... a lot wrong. i messed up... a lot. this... wasn’t all your fault.” he opened the door to his father and closed the door to his friends, got blackmailed into staying and couldn’t ask for help because he’d stupidly cut himself off from his support system. he’d pushed himself down that spiral. “this... was my choice.”

 he feels his hands come up to frame izuku’s face, familiar after all these years, even as his head hangs down, and tears drop onto the floor. 

  “i’m sorry.” shouto whispers, voice crackling. he’s not even sure what he’s apologising for. izuku was only trying to protect him, wasn’t he? he would have come back. he might have still loved him. shouto thinks he might have blown it now. “please, forgive me, i’m sorry.” he wants to ask, if izuku will take him back, if he still wants to be with him, but it seems needier and more pathetic than he already is now.

[pyrrhe]

miscellaneous angst starters.

when were you going to tell me?

you can’t keep doing this to yourself.

that’s…a lot of blood.

can you walk?

please don’t lie to me.

you were supposed to leave.

i’m not going anywhere without you.

shh, it’s okay. it was just a dream.

there was nothing more you could have done.

it wasn’t your fault.

this is all my fault.

you aren’t acting like yourself.

i’m never going to let [her/him/them] hurt you again.

you’re hurting me.

don’t ever do that again.

go to hell.

please don’t cry.

you have to stay awake.

i wish i could take the pain away.

you could have died.

hey – stay with me.

it’ll be over soon.

did you ever love me?

i’m sorry. i can’t do this anymore.

things won’t always hurt this bad.

you passed out.

how much have you had?

i’m okay. it’s all fine.

it’s not okay! you’re not fine!

let me get you something for the pain.

it’s nothing. it’s just a bruise.

it’s clearly not nothing.

have you been to the doctor?

i didn’t mean the things i said.

i thought we meant something.

people who are okay don’t act like this.

you don’t have to go through this by yourself.

i don’t want you to be alone.

please don’t regret me.

i heard you crying.

you need to get some rest.

when was the last time you ate something?

i’m worried about you.

did you have another nightmare?

[name], there’s nobody there.

i want to be happy but i don’t think i deserve it.

please talk to me.

why are you mad at me?

alcohol isn’t going to solve your problems.

don’t leave me.

did you do this to yourself?

it’s breaking my heart to see you like this.

tell me what’s wrong.

tell me how to make it better.

why don’t you care?

get the hell away from me.

please don’t do this.

i can’t believe that you lied to me.

just…stay for the night.

you obviously can’t be trusted to take care of yourself, so let me do it for you.

you can’t die. i won’t let you.

just hang on, okay?

hold my hand if you need to.

i’m sorry.

why do you have a gun?

don’t panic.

just breathe.

you’re bleeding.

i’m trying to stop the bleeding.

you’ve been crying, i can tell.

you should have told me sooner.

i wanted to tell you in person.

a phone call would’ve been nice.

i hate you.

i love you.