q-ueeny-blog

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Putting my rant here because I don't know where else to do this without certain people seeing it

I'm so fucking miserable on such a whole new level now and I can't stop myself from getting it off my chest and writing it down here. First of all what kind of dumbass gets a DANGEROUS in less than five minutes on the driving test. Why did I failll :( I really need to be more careful ffs

I'm also getting so wound up. I feel like I've been dealing with a lot of things on my own. I have amazing friends who have been there for me all the way and have checked up on me and they've been so kind to dedicate time to seeing how I am but when I go home, it's just such a whole new story as I'm still dealing with it and I start to feel terribly lonely :( I still can't get my head around things and I am becoming increasingly sad and partly angry at myself by the day

And for ages it was just about me and what happened. I didn't really care about him, mostly just told him what had happened but that was it after that. He was busy with his new life, but while this was just a small issue to him if anything this was MY LIFE this is something I have been going through and still going through right now, which is why I now care. Because he's back in Cardiff and just knowing he's simply here is killing me. Part of me really wants to see him, to tell him what exactly I have been put through emotionally and physically, how I'm still so fucking confused and how as happy I may seem in my recently tagged pictures, I still continue to feel helpless

I've told him, he knows I want to see him before he leaves, even said to him I literally just want about 10 minutes of his time. I don't think he gaf though because he's just like yeah sure!!! And not even making plans. Seriously I'm trying not to be selfish here, I am so happy for him to be in Uni and everything and I've given him some space since he's got home so he can spend time with family and friends but he leaves on Sunday and I'd really like to see him even if briefly

And then there's part of me wondering what I'd actually say to him if I did see him? I like to think this will help me feel better and to understand everything a bit more but I'm doubting myself more and more

I've been speaking to this really cwl guy I met at the club. He's really sweet and all, but now I'm questioning if I'm just doing this to take my mind off everything, and I probably am, but how far do I really want to go and what if it's leading someone on? Fuck

I think I should just stay away from relationships, sex and drinking for a while so I can get my head around a couple of things :/

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oh hiya haven't been on this in a while

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