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“I was fortunate enough to be one of those stories where I was scouted on the street by somebody and actually refused to go to the agency, and was approached on different occasions and finally kind of caved and said, ‘OK, I’ll try it and see what happens.’”     - Evangeline Lilly photographed by Jessica Haye and Clark Hsiao for Nylon Guys Magazine (January 2014)

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evangelinelillyofficial: and now… a night out 💃🏼

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          hope has always been incredibly active and energetic.  when her mom was alive it was from all the playing they did together.  as she got older movement became how she dealt with her emotions from martial arts to fighting to gymnastics ( she got into a lot of fights in boarding school ).  even when she’s doing something as mundane as cleaning or cooking there’s music she can move to.

          the only time she’s truly still and quiet is when she curls up with a book.  then it’s her mind that’s doing all the moving, the kind she can’t even get when at work.  call it her imagination or call it being captivated.  hope can sit and read for hours on end without moving or saying a word.

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          i think part of what gets me about the first movie is that hank knows the damage he did to his own daughter but hope can’t see the way he’s trying to fix it.  she’s so desperate to get his approval she’ll throw herself in front of ever danger.  this whole thing with darren cross is the opportunity she never had as a kid to try and make it right.  all these years later she might still harbor even just a little hate for hank but that seven year old still lurking somewhere in her mind needs to have her father back.  she needs the man who would’ve held her when she was trying to grieve for her lost mother.  because hope didn’t lose one parent that day. she lost both.  she lost both and in a lot of ways felt like she never got them back because they spent the next decade plus going back and forth on who was going to shove a wedge into their relationship.  but, god damnit if hope doesn’t want that approval still.  then here’s this schmuck from jail who her father hand picks for some ungodly reason and again hope feels like she’s just not enough for whatever hank has planned.  

          she worked her way up through the company, through college, through everything she could think of and still hank chooses someone else over her.  and the way scott has to break it down for her; that it has to come from some outside source to tell her that hank is really not choosing her because he loves her and the way she sits there processing that like it never even occurred to her?  and how that’s the spark to fixing their relationship.

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          whatever she’d wanted to do with her life prior to losing her mother went totally out the window as soon as her father came home that day.  at the age of seven she feels her father pulling away without understanding why.  all she knows that she misses her mom.  that’s when she needed hank the most.  instead, hope starts to feel like everything is somehow her fault; that whatever happened to her mother is somehow her fault.  she’s even sent off to boarding school like her father can’t stand to be around her anymore.

         it’s not until much later in life that hope realizes two things happened that day.  one, she would become better than her father in any and every capacity.  all those ants around the house?  she’d learn inside and out.  physics?  she’d master it.  business?  she’d take over her father’s company.  whatever she’d done wrong as a kid would somehow be rectified as an adult.

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Evangeline Lilly photographed by Zoey Grossman for Balance Magazine (2018)

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Ant-Man (2015) dir. Peyton Reed

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     –   re: gymnastics & martial arts

           When Hope was five she enrolled in gymnastics as a way to burn some of her excess energy.  She remembers it as an activity she and her mother did together because it was her mother who took her to every class.  It was her mother who stood to the side and cheered.  

          Losing her mother put a sour taste in her mouth over the sport but she continued as a way to stay connected.  Being sent off to boarding school only made everything worse.  Hope went from two supportive and loving parents to, essentially, none.  She quickly found that gymnastics wasn’t enough to burn her emotional energy.  So, she picked up Aikido.

          In high school, Hope added Judo to her list of activities.  It helped build on her defensive skills because the art emphasizes take downs.  This naturally led into starting Jiu Jutsu once she got to college.  By building upon the take down techniques, the Brazilian martial art helped Hope incorporate leverage and grappling.

          Muay Thai started with her career.  The stresses of work required a little more proactive action than anything else she’d ever done.  Being in the working world also exposed her to Hank Pym more than she was used to.  Years of pent up anger needed release in ways that defensive movements couldn’t provide.

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