quecella

[quecella]

and maybe

we crossed paths

just so we can be a lesson

to each other

was it just coincidence?

[quecella]

i knew about it.

i just didnt do anything about it.

maybe because i feel disappointed.

maybe because i wanted to trust you a little longer.

maybe because i wanted you to say it first.

the truth

will always

find its way

to be heard and seen.

[quecella]

Nothing is real. I am gorgeous. Nothing matters. No one cares. I wanna go shopping.

[quecella]

My side of the story doesn’t need to be told anymore.

Let’s just say — what has been damaged had already been damaged. Life happened and I cannot do anything about it anymore.

Maybe what matters is that I’m healing.

I’ve done enough — for myself and for others. I realized I don’t need to settle for anything less because I simply don’t deserve it. I don’t need to listen to baseless accusations, empty threats and having to live my life walking on eggshells just because I was perceived in to something that I am not.

I am giving myself the chance to be happy by letting things go and this time i’ll make sure this time — this is mine.

[quecella]

you don’t criticise the moon

for not shining the same each night

you don’t look up at the sky and say

you’re not trying hard enough

turns out i’m more tired of questioning

when will i be ever be enough

turns out i’m done hoping for what could have been

or what i’ve been promised love and life could be

i’ll admit there are times that i will still be down bad

but this time its for the life i dreamt for me

not for the life that sticky situations led me to be.

[quecella]

I have to trust that I am getting where I am going even if it's slowly and not on the timeline I imagined - real life is better and more interesting than that

[quecella]

la collectionneuse (1967) / anne sexton

[quecella]

“That isn’t who I want to be so I will simply not become it” are words I repeat to myself often these days.

[quecella]

me: i accept and open myself up to the fact that in order to improve my life i will have to do things that are scary

me when the things are scary:

[quecella]

lately I’ve been feeling okay.

in content with what I have

with what I’ve been achieving

and accepted things for what they are.

i’ve been good to myself

to the people around me

and i’ve learned things along the way.

acknowledging my faults were a start

no more chains holding me down

peace of mind is all i have.

[quecella]

Today I came across a “tweet” from my friend whom I have known for several years. Safe to say that we’re not that close, yet we did partner for several research papers back in college.

To add a back story, she has always been an achiever. As part of our course quota — she never missed any deadline, aced all her exams and practicals. She’s hell-bent on getting that “Laude” status that we are all aiming for and ofcourse, she got it.

Going back to my first story, today she wrote on X that she was having regrets on focusing too much on her studies and never really had the time to explore what’s out there for her, more specifically — she didn’t have the time to entertain love. While she agrees that her studies were her priority at that time, she also said that she should’ve alloted space for exploring and meeting people and not locked herself in school.

For many months, she has been contemplating and is slowly accepting that she’ll still be single for God knows how long and she doesn’t see herself dating anytime soon but at the same time, she wonders if she can still experience anniversary dates, receive random flower bouquets, travel with someone, accept a marriage proposal or even plan a bridal shower for herself.

It hit me that people are always lax about certain situations until eventually it’s deemed “too late” or that some people rush things just to be hit with regret at the end. At the same time, there are also people that would just rather stick with it and make it work until you just get burned out.

Should we always base our happiness on having a partner? It’s a 50/50 for me. Your partner shouldn’t be your only source of happiness nor should it be something that you think you need in life in order to call yourself successful. Focus on your growth, don’t rush and learn to explore.

I used to wonder about those before. I used to put a “before i turn….” goals until I stopped. I stopped asking God on “when would it be my turn?” and just learned to widen my horizons, have fun and live my life the way I want to. The way things would go your way will always depend on your choices.

To my friend — you are smart and beautiful. Just because life has another plan for you doesn’t mean you will be alone in it. Praying for your happiness!

[quecella]

I realized

that it was so easy

for me to love you,

that sometimes it frightens me.

I’ve never been good at anything

but i never wanted anything so much

as I want to hold you, at every waking

minute and every night before I go

to bed.

The question before was “how do I keep on loving you?”

has now become “why on earth would I stop loving you?”

[quecella]

I’m still hoping that at the end of the day,

everything will make sense and everything will end up

working out for good.

[quecella]

by coldoctober

[quecella]

rough days

but im proud for trying, even when uncertainty clouds

my head.

head strong — confronting all that is lost and haunted within

myself.

i wish i could know when i would be able to take a breather

things would get lighter

ask questions, keep walking, you’re getting closer

you are delicate, so find comfort

head up, relax.

smile

[quecella]

I love gentle people

[quecella]

Never been the type to try and fit in, I’ll sit by myself if I have to.