quecrua

[quecrua]

i talk about you often, i’m not sure if you’re aware. i think you’d be best friends with e. i would be jealous of that, not gonna lie. i’m sorry for not being able to commit to you. i thought you’d always choose her over me and i for once had to choose myself.

my life is crazy and i’m not gonna lie, i miss you sometimes. the intensity of our conversations, the depths they traveled to, the length they got. i miss them. i miss who we were before romance got in the way.

not that i regret us, or ever had.

when we first stopped talking, i’d stalk your page a lot. i got your message but my relationship to e meant more than a message from you so i deleted it before i even read it.

are you happy?

i am. genuinely. i’m on better terms with my family now and with who i am in general. there’s a piece of me that stabilized the moment you left my orbit. it felt simultaneously like a fresh of breath air & like the air had been sucked out of me.

i didn’t know a life without you, truly without you, and i didn’t think i could survive it. i did, but ya know.

you made me doubt myself a lot in our relationship, and i feel like i made you do the same. we were toxic for each other in ways words can’t explain. i never felt good enough, like i had to measure up to everyone in your life and i know i put pressures on you to deal with my shit and that wasn’t fair to you.

at the end of the day, we’re two venus suns hurling on this planet trying to make it be as good as possible for us.

i don’t think this is the last time i’ll be writing, even if these you’ll never read. it’s the first time in 6 years i broke my silence to you and i’ve got a lot to say.

i did love you though. getting over you was the hardest thing i had to do, but realizing with e that love isn’t supposed to be hard, relationships aren’t supposed to make you feel like you’re less than, i realized that it was time for us to leave each other’s orbit.

i think about you, a lot. you were a big, vital and important part of my life for a very long time.

thank you.