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[queen-ferry-kris]

5/11 poetry is in the streets (at BatsTattoo) https://www.instagram.com/p/CACZj_XA0M-H9GOVABHCz7g7I-qu4xtCBw0Ags0/?igshid=k77x9clgjwzg

[queen-ferry-kris]

A Decision Out of Indecisiveness: A Story of How I Made A Friend Today — RFKIL http://sanduguan-ng-puso-at-isipan.blogspot.com/2019/07/a-decision-out-of-indecisiveness-story.html?m=1 (at Starbucks Vista Mall) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bz5zPE4gU0C/?igshid=71ho736ijdw0

[queen-ferry-kris]

“Who am I? I am many things. I am my mother’s honeyed laugh. I am my father’s overworked hands. I am my mother’s poetry. I am her sunlight when I tell her I love her. I am my father’s equations. I am his moonlight when I tell him I forgive him. I am ohana. I am family. I am in love with the blood that flows within me. I am enough by the way the flowers call my name.”

— juansen dizon, Selfhood

[queen-ferry-kris]

[queen-ferry-kris]

[queen-ferry-kris]

[queen-ferry-kris]

Kerrang, November 12th 2005, No. 1082, p.46

[queen-ferry-kris]

it never fails to amaze me how at times when we are the saddest, our hearts can bear so much pain and excert such heaviness. so much weight that it feels as though it’s going to plummet straight through you. and while experiencing this, sometimes it hurts so bad that it attempts to eternally silence us. internally, we are screaming for hours, begging someone to help, for someone to notice. but on the outside we just appear rundown and accepting and we’re left alone in our crippling, unwanted, isolated state. needing to extend your hand, but every single limb feels so heavy that it physically pains you to even move. so instead, you remain paralyzed and mute. just waiting for someone to come alone and save you from your silenced struggle.

[queen-ferry-kris]

My face has faded from your eyes, my name no longer sits at the back of your throat. Our stories have become memories left to be forgotten. I can’t live with it. Your touch still haunts this skin like a home, still sends shivers down my spine like a ghost. Your words sleep in my ears, your echo of a voice lulls me to tears. I feel you living in me, walking from heart to head. You’ve left your mark on me, planted your seeds and now they’re blooming into bruises. Darling, loving you was heaven. Leaving you was hell. We were once lovers with hope in our hands, now we are strangers with nothing to tell.

Isabel Cabrera

[queen-ferry-kris]

“it’s like this: when the gun goes off, no one can hear it but you. the tearing; shredded muscle and rent flesh; metal hands dividing your chest in two. the shudder; your heart learning to beat around the bullethole. it’s never the same after that. it’s like this: bleeding to death in the middle of a crowded room. someone asking if you’re alright anyway. someone handing you a glass of water. someone sticking their finger in your wound, asking if it’s time to leave yet. it’s like this: you need more. the stitches have pulled out again and no one looks you in the eye. there is always blood in the sink and you’ve worn your grief like a shawl for long enough, they say. it’s time to let go the hurt and bury the black in your closet, they say. time heals, they say, so let it. it’s like this: this blood is yours. this body is yours and this hurt too, even though you don’t want it. believe there will come a day when your breathing will mend, and let your lungs shudder until that day dawns. believe that your body remembers how to be whole, even when the safely of it wants to swallow you. believe you are strong enough to let the hurt shape you, and still to let it die. you can let it die. you are enough. believe it.”

— for han || d.d

[queen-ferry-kris]

“What I’m most afraid of is that one day you will look at me like you look at a stranger - with no more love in your eyes.”

Lunas-worlds-blog

[queen-ferry-kris]

“How can one small heart, the size of my very own fist, hold so much pain and sadness?”

— A.M// it still hurts to breathe sometimes (via tullipsink)

[queen-ferry-kris]

[queen-ferry-kris]

“You’re calling again and i wish i can say that im strong enough to not answer anymore but it’s almost three in the morning and im slightly tired and your old ringtone is ringing through my ears so loud my heart is starting to ache so maybe i’ll answer and you’ll tell me you miss me even if you’re drunk and slurring your words again and i’ll pretend it doesn’t hurt while i tell you i miss you too even though you wouldn’t remember this in the morning you were always a heavy drinker and i wish i was strong enough to not answer anymore especially when you’re calling me in the middle of the night because you’re lonely and want someone to talk to again but let’s face it you’re calling again and it’s almost three in the morning and you always did know i’d answer”

— A.M// 3 in the morning and you’re calling again

[queen-ferry-kris]

“I was suppose to be having the time of my life, I was suppose to be going to parties and kissing boys who forgot my name the next day. I was suppose to be going to the mall with my best friend and shopping and eating pizza and inviting people over for slumber parties. I was suppose to be living.. but I wasn’t. I wasn’t living, not even close. I spent my teenage years trying to survive rather than going to a few parties or having friends and making a few mistakes along the way. How could anyone call what I was doing living? Yeah I was alive but i wasn’t living. I was a dead woman walking and it’s as sad, simple and raw as that. Instead of crying tears of laughter I was crying tears of something so much more than sadness. Something that’s made itself a home inside of me. Something that has followed me my entire life no matter how or what I did to try and escape it. I didn’t go to parties and kiss boys who couldn’t even bother to remember my name the next day. Instead, I found myself attached to guys who only seemed to be interested in what his fingers could do in the dark. Guys who didn’t care about who they hurt as long as they got what they wanted at the end of the day. My teenage years weren’t filled with laughter and a few mistakes to take with me to college. They were filled with tears and regret of who I was and what I wasn’t. I was trying to be okay with who I was and how I was feeling and that I was probably going to feel like this for the rest of my life. My teenage years weren’t filled with scars from falling off bikes with my best friend or going on dates that ended in groping each other in the car. Instead I had scars as a reminder of what continued to live inside me no matter how much I wanted it to go away. So yeah I didn’t go to parties and make a few mistakes to bring with me to college but it seemed more comforting crying myself to sleep instead of sneaking out and ending up at a place with people who didn’t even know me in the first place. I make no apologies for who I had to become in order to survive and it’s a simple as that. It’s as raw as that. It’s as true as that but most importantly, it’s unfair as that.”

— Deeply Feeling Series

[queen-ferry-kris]

And I know you hurt. I know you hurt all the time because your heart has been through it all. Heartbreak, death, loss, abandonment. I know you’re sad and I know you want to be loved. I know you want someone to Love this sadness out of you but they cannot. They can only love you through it. No boy or girl can love you out of sadness and do not fool yourself into thinking that. I know you’re hurting and I know each day your heart seems to grow weaker, but I also do know that you are beautiful. I know you are beautiful and strong and I know you can get through this just please hold on. Do not give up because he left or she left or they left. They left, so what? So fucking what. People leave when they say they won’t and god it hurts more than anything in this entire world when that person doesn’t turn out to be your entire world but guess what? Despite being broken over and over again, you have chosen love. You have chosen to love and to wake up each day wanting to love, whether that be yourself or someone else you still have yourself. You still have yourself and I know at times you don’t know who that is but I’ll tell you who that is. You’re the girl who’s been through enough heartbreak to last three lifetimes, but despite it all you choose to love and you choose to live and laugh and smile and that right there are the most beautiful things about you. You are so loved and I am so so sorry that the people in your life made you think otherwise.

For the heartbroken // Deeply Feeling Series

[queen-ferry-kris]

How to survive a heartbreak in less than 10 steps: 1. The moment you feel your heart starts to crack, close your eyes. Take deep breaths. A lot of deep breaths. And spend the whole night on your bed thinking about how stupid you’re to end up in such a pathetic situation. Think about everything from the day you met them to present. Think about the things you planned to do with them and everything you did with them. Think. Think till you lose your sanity. 2. Cry. There’s no shame in crying. Cry till your eyes bulge out. Cry till you have to turn over your pillow cause your pillow case is too wet for you to lay your head on. Continue crying again. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to let out everything. Believe me, you’ll feel great after nice session of crying. And repeat whenever required. 3. Wake up next day and take a long ass shower. Let the water wash away the pain from last night from the roots of your hair to the tip of your toes. Talk to yourself in the shower. Say everything you wanted to tell them. Every single word. Just say it out to the walls of your bathroom. Because you don’t have to swallow those words just for them to be stuck at the back your throat like acidic bile. So say it out loud. They deserve to be spoken out. 4. Get all the chocolates out from the fridge and grab a water bottle and watch back to back episodes of your favorite series. Eat, keep eating till your mouth loses the taste of how their name tasted on the tip of your tongue. Drink water, you don’t wanna choke and die. Seriously though. 5. Go to a park. Sit down. You must be tried of chasing someone who didn’t want to be caught in the first place. Give yourself some rest. Watch the children play. Admire the beauty of the flowers. Look at the clouds. Feel the fresh air around you. And if there aren’t many people around, go play in the swings and slides. 6. Write. Write till your fingers get cramped. Write down every single thing you felt and feel. Write even though you’re running out of metaphors. Write how science cannot explain how you felt your heart drop right from your chest. And repeat ‘step 2’ if necessary. 7. Don’t check the screenshots of their Snapchat. Don’t read your chat logs. Just don’t. It’s a very bad idea. It’s better you just delete them one by one. Yeah it’s gonna be hard to delete months load of screenshots and even harder to delete your chat log. But it’s for the best. 8. I won’t say that there are plenty of fishes in the sea cause you’re pretty much done fishing for an entire decade, or more. So learn to love yourself. Spend more time reading books. If you don’t like reading watch series again. Keep yourself busy by doing anything that will keep your mind from wandering into their footsteps. 9. Don’t brew hatred within you. Forgive yourself. The sorrows will go away. Your broken heart will mend. All you need is some time. And it’s okay to get your heart broken. And it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to feel all these emotions. Because that’s what makes you human. __( keep repeating till the day your heart doesn’t ache to the sound of their name.)

—Mahin Ismail