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when i was a kid i lost my retainer while swimming in the ocean because i saw a stingray and screamed too hard and it popped right out my mouth and i used to go to sleep at night imagining that it had landed in the mouth of a dolphin who now had beautiful straight human teeth

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Diogenes

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Support me on PATREON or Ko-fi 💕

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yesterday in economic botany we were learning about plant based oil compounds and stuff and my botany professor was talking about lynn seed oil, which in woodworking is rubbed on over furniture as a varnish. this oil has an exothermic chemical reaction with oxygen, meaning that the reaction creates heat. what often happens, apparently, is that woodworkers will finish rubbing on the oil with a rag and then will ball up the rag and throw it away, but because the reaction is taking place and the heat can’t escape (like it would on a piece of furniture where it can be cooled) it gets trapped in the rag, which gets hotter and hotter until it reaches the temperature where it bursts into flame. apparently many woodworking shops have been burned down by this. the proper way to dispose of rags with this oil is to hang them up on a clothesline, so again the reaction never gets enough heat to start a fire. im telling you this because im a writer and ive never heard of substance that will just…spontaneously combust conveniently like that so long as it’s in a confined space. my botany professor tried it in a trash can in his driveway and it did indeed burst into flame after 45 minutes, which is an exceptionally convenient time delay. im sorry im tying this so fast my laptop is on 2% battery and theres no outlet an

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The committee against vacuum cleaners

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good read for teachers.

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Look I love unconditional devotion love stories as much as the next person, but there's really something so deliciously raw about conditional devotion.

I have served you and I have loved you for decades, but I will not give up my principles for you. You cut out part of my heart and took it with you down that path that you insist on walking, but you walk it alone. Even when the bleeding, gaping hole you left in my chest kills me, I will not follow you.

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Play video games - Get snack

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Thinking about those people who want to fuck Lego Bionicles

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hard cider was invented when someone decided to make beer that tastes good instead of bad

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sometimes I think about like what TV shows and movies I'd keep on VCR or some shit to watch in the post-apocalypse after a long day of decontaminating mutant salmon

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Doctor: $140,000 a year

Furry artist on Patreon: $160,000 a year