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Can't imagine what it's like to consume media like a normal person. To discover something you enjoy, go oh i loved that, then just move on and not spend the next 6 months of your life literally thinking about nothing else.

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🌱Little moment of spring🌱

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😾🎩 123/87

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Complete List of Helena’s Writing/Creative Works

Novel-length Works 

Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan

Beyond the Walls rated M (rivamika) [canon divergent] Mikasa has adopted a simple, predictable and quiet life. It is only Levi, whom she has developed something of an odd friendship with over the years, who challenges her on the lonely, directionless path she wanders. ~most popular work *Complete wc 77k | Epilogue to be posted Summer ‘22 

Naruto 

Something Left to Save rated M (sasusaku) [canon-inspired | Blank Period] In the aftermath of the shinobi war to save the world, from their own war to save Sasuke’s soul, Team Seven adjusts, mends severed bonds, and strives to love. *WIP est. wc 200k 

Short Stories

Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan

The Fifth Sense rated T (rivamika) [canon compliant] A collection of first impressions between Mikasa and Levi based on the five senses. Hear, see, touch, smell, and taste. *Complete wc 17k 

Out in Search rated T (rivamika) [canon divergent] While the Scouts remain stationed on the Coast, there are distinct moments between Levi and Mikasa that blur between camaraderie and friendship, transition their odd kinship to an indisputable connection. Is that all it is, though?  ~author’s favorite *Complete wc 16k

Easy to Find rated M (rivamika) [canon divergent] Levi arrives late to an important event. He uses the opportunity to remain hidden, observing Mikasa Ackerman’s blue silk and bare skin, torturing himself with thoughts better saved for the bedroom. *WIP wc est. 30k 

Naruto 

Adrenalize Me rated M (sasusaku) [canon divergent | anbu]  It took years of delicate steps, careful boundaries, and subtle exchanges for Sakura and Sasuke to develop a genuine sense of camaraderie. He’d fought his demons; she shelved her childish affections. When the lines of lust and intimacy begin to blur between them, Sakura’s guarded heart convinces her that their recent developments can be blamed on a flood of adrenaline, nothing more. ~author’s favorite *Complete wc 26k 

One-shots

Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan

Final Card rated T (rivamika) [canon divergent]  What toll does it take on Levi after he fails to defeat the Beast Titan? Despite a tumultuous start and mutual reluctance, a sense of comradery and connection develops between Levi and the only one who might be able to help him fulfill his promise to Erwin.  ~author’s favorite *Complete wc 9k 

Winter Solstice rated M (rivamika) [canon divergent] Mikasa didn’t plan on joining the other Scouts to celebrate the Winter Solstice— but she forgot to account for the opportunities that mulled wine, juvenile games, and an absence of formal protocol might present. Published for Christmas 2020. *Complete wc 6k

Reservations rated M (rivamika) [modern AU | established relationship] Mikasa forgets it’s the fourteenth of February. Published on Valentine’s Day 2021. 

Misc. too many stars | fractured and faint | chasm | unconvinced (excerpt to unpublished one-shot) | description of a deleted scene | unexpected guest (deleted scene for Beyond the Walls) | command suits him (jeankasa) | tethered [subscribe for future drabbles and prompts] 

helena3190 on Ao3  * helena-3190 on fanfiction.net

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I am literally begging people to learn how to participate in fandom through a lens other than shipping

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there's something so compelling about stories where a character's virtues intensify into flaws that lead to their downfall. loyalty and love becoming so all-consuming that compassion outside of them ceases to exist. duty overwhelming any moral compass until order becomes more important than justice. selflessness so intense it becomes self-destruction. let me watch while whatever saved the hero in the beginning destroys them. let me see them fall to their own worst impulses disguised as what once made them good.

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Listen, I want this character to be happy, they just have to be really fucking miserable first

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i spent a million years on this because i love him a lot...........🥺🥺🥺

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ZUKO AND THE WATER SIBLINGS + DEVELOPMENT

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Absolutely a sucker for the “ARE YOU HURT” once over. The wandering hands, frantically checking for blood or pain just SOMETHING. ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED of what they might find while searching. The panicked look on the face of the person doing the checking, the glossy, confused “I’m fine” from the person being checked. HOO BOY just inject that shit right into my veins

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“It’s in their language, the only one she seems to understand tonight.”

Beyond the Walls epilogue sneak peak for anon and everyone else patiently waiting 🖤

Keep reading

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chasm

She speaks quieter than before. “You want to talk about it?”

“No.” He shakes his head once. “Not right now.”

“Alright.”

She doesn’t push him on it. She just shifts up to reach for their cups of tea. In that moment, he’s as bitter about her as he is grateful for her. She’s as close as she is far. Rank and procedure and war keep a chasm between them.

Snk. Rivamika drabble. Canon-divergence. No spoilers. Rated G.

I wrote this awhile ago, a first draft for a sequel to Winter Solstice, which doesn’t need to be read first; just to say, this takes place pre-Marley Arc and during a time when Levi and Mikasa are not supposed to be ~together~ together. 

Keep reading

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I once had the ordeal of sprinting through an airport (thanks to a slow security check and a gate change) while my name was REPEATED OVER THE LOUD SPEAKERS and everyone was darting out of my way like a choreographed dance routine because it was obviously me and they actually held the flight so I got there breathless just in time to face an audience of my fellow passengers all staring at me as I did the walk of shame to the last seat at the back of the plane...

This is magical from beginning to end. VERY CINEMATIC omg. There is bad third-wheeling and then there is okay and there is good. And then there is this. This is top-tier.

Thank you for sharing!!

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get to know!

Rules: answer the questions and tag nine people you want to get to know better/catch up with.

First of all, I feel so?? fucking?? honoured?? to have been tagged by the queen @helena-thessaloniki ?? My heart's about to burst, truly.

Second, I literally only know like 2 people on Tumblr, so...looks like I’m going to have to fully break the rules here 😅

Three ships:

Ben Solo (aka Kylo Ren)/Rey (Star Wars): enemies to lover trope, redemption arc!Ben.

This was the first pairing that I shipped so hard. I remember 4 years ago I spent an entire summer combing through over 10,000 fics on ao3, lol. The Reylo community's artists and fic writers are so fucking next lvl; they’d predicted shit far before the 2nd and 3rd movies were even released (fanboys can stay mad). I remember reading 30 page meta-analyses and essays back then about the lore, the ship, literature parallels, etc. and they were all so fucking academically rigorous, well thought-out and well-written? I’m still not over it. Anyways, Ben and Rey are a Dyad (two that are one) and share a Force Bond, so you can imagine how much fun fic writers got to have playing around with that idea (spoiler: imagine how fucking incredible the orgasms must feel with the Force Bond, oh god *shiver*).

In a nutshell, you’ve got this big, bad, extremely powerful dude who finally meets his match in the Force––this literal nobody from a desert planet in the middle of nowhere––and she challenges him in ways no one has ever challenged him before and shows him compassion in ways that no one has ever shown him before and oh god all the built-up angst and tension happen on a literal cosmic scale that puts all other enemies to lovers tropes to shame. Rey’s quite literally the light to Kylo’s darkness and together they bring balance to the Force. That’s all you gotta to know.

Levi/Mikasa (Attack on Titan): The potential between these two, oh my god.

Okay, I am obsessed with this ship right now, holy fuck. And I owe it mostly to incredible writers like Helena, @hashire and Lamentablebrats (on ao3). They brought this ship to life, honestly.

Levi’s my favourite fictional character of all time (god, for so many reasons) and I could probably write a 5 page essay doing a deep dive on his character and why he’s so great, but I’ll keep it simple here. I feel like most people get so caught up in the whole "hype-machine" aspect of Levi's character (don't get me wrong, this sexy mf is a fucking badass) that they forget how well-written and complex of a character he is. This man has grown up through so much adversity, has watched virtually every single person closest to him die and has endured so much on his own, but still, despite it all, refuses to give-in to the pain, the sorrow, the hurt. Levi has such a strong resolve and moral compass, and although he comes off as cold or stoic, he's actually the biggest softie inside (I think this duality actually makes him even sexier, lol.) People often forget how observant, sharp, thoughtful and compassionate he is, how unapologetically human he is. I think he's so deserving of love, and who better to give him it than the girl in the story whose ability to love is her greatest strength?

I love the idea of the two strongest characters in the AoT universe finding solace in each other's arms after they've each been through so much on their own. I love the idea of them being there for each other when no one else can. Both of them have really interesting personalities, and I think at the end of the day, they understand each other in ways that no one else is able to. RM fic writers have done such an excellent job exploring Levi and Mikasa's interesting dynamic, and it's made me fall even more in love with the ship.

Ri Jeong Hyeok/Yoon Seri (Crash Landing on You): Star-crossed lovers (I mean, North Korean soldier whose dad is a super prominent army figure + South Korean heiress who accidentally lands herself in NK in a paragliding accident? and now he has to hide her while trying to smuggle her back across the border? Sign me the fuck up). I’m not gonna lie, I have a thing for the whole quiet, stoic, disciplined, sharp, ravishingly sexy army dude type of character, and Ri Jeong Hyeok fits that bill so perfectly. It was so fun seeing Yoon Seri (this super strong, playful and self-confident woman who owns her own multi-million–billion?–dollar company) push his buttons and drive him crazy, haha.

But yeah, this ship. This ship had me fucked up. This kdrama was a roller coaster ride from start to finish; it was equal parts light, fun and funny and equal parts heavy, angsty and downright depressing (I mean, this ship takes star-crossed lovers to a whole new level).

Last song: "Zombie” (acoustic version) – The Cranberries

Last movie: Watched Cruella last night. Was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it. The set and costume design and overall production quality were top tier.

Currently watching: Banana Fish (I have been putting off watching the last 4 eps for the last 2 months bc I read spoilers and am dreading the inevitable pain the ending will bring). Just started JoJo’s Bizarre Adventures (I’m 8 eps in but the plot isn’t really pulling me in? I love the art and animation style though and am hoping that things get better as more characters are introduced, haha).

Currently reading: My MCAT prep books I recently picked up The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath and A Little Life by Hanya Yanaghara (Ikik, I’m late to the game–I’d been putting off reading these because I was afraid they were overhyped/overrated :P). Not sure which one to read first...The Bell Jar looks like it can be easily finished in one sitting so I’m thinking to do that first? haha

Currently craving: A mojito by the beach. God, I can’t remember the last time I’ve enjoyed either of those.

Nine people:

get to know!

Rules: answer the questions and tag nine people you want to get to know better/catch up with.

Tagged by @infinitelystrangemachinex 😊🖤

Three ships: - Draco/Hermione (Harry Potter): enemies to lover trope, Pride and Prejudice retelling, flawed and dimensional characters, only/reluctantly intellectually compatible with each other, and of course redemption arc!Draco

- Levi/Mikasa (Attack on Titan): the parallels, ridiculous chemistry, angst and ability to relate, the only two who could truly challenge, appreciate and understand each other

- Roy Mustang/Riza Hawkeye (FMAB): the most delightfully understated ‘relationship’ ever, I swear, I mean, Elizabeth?? the phone call scene when he knows something is wrong immediately?? the fight scenes protecting each other?? the history?? agh my heart 

Last song: “God is She” - In this Moment

Last movie: Hmmm. I think Captain Marvel when I was visiting my parents last month, it was the only MCU movie they hadn’t seen

Currently watching: Vinland Saga, slowly but surely

Currently reading: The Red Queen, I’m 115 pages in and I’m very underwhelmed after so many people recommended this, please someone tell me whether or not to continue aha 

Currently craving: iced coffee, always (it’s currently 9 pm heh) 

Nine people: @a-slut-for-smut @quinnxra @blacklunamarie @crinklyhatesyou @linaxlight @joanofsn4rk @idealistic-imaginings @andromedafrigga43 @drivingthescrew

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Author’s Note

Heyy 🥰

I wanted to take a minute to thank everyone who’s following me here because of my writing, specifically Beyond the Walls. To not distract from the flow of the story, I tried to limit my author’s note on the final chapter and wanted to write a full acknowledgment note here. 🖤

No, I couldn’t. A pregnant pause, but not from hesitation. You could say I took a gamble.

Levi almost flinches. Erwin’s most recent gamble is the reason he sits alone on the shoreline holding a conversation with a fucking Ghost. Bitterness chokes out even the possibility of speaking aloud.

Too late now, but Levi reminds Erwin all the same. Sometimes the stakes are too high to take risks.

No, Levi. Words hardened by resolve. When the stakes are too high, all you can do is take the risk.

Keep reading

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loss is a parasite

“There is no predetermined timetable for grief. There are no tidy boxes of who you are and who you become while surviving, no simplified categories of before and after in the healing. Loss is a parasite that remains with its host. Even when, especially when, no one else can see how much it’s stealing from you.”

Beyond the Walls