quititdylan-blog

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you look like a hooker

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What happens when you get 'scared half to death' twice?

Don’t do that to my mind right now.

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DRAW ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR FRENCH GIRLS

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[Text] I think we've already established the fact that I'm not normal.

{Text} Yeah. But why would you want to be like anyone else?

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Well I think you should stop calling me names. 

I did do that, yes. Because he took my hockey stick and I told him that the next time he touches it I would shove it up his ass, to which he responded with "won't you have to get it from me first har har HAR" His laugh is so stupid. 

Anyway. I walked over to him and stood behind his super tall bush and I said "Please. Give. Me. My. Hockey. Stick." And he said "I won't." and I said "Dude, please." And he said "I will not." and I said "Give me the fucking hockey stick." And he said "No. It's my hockey stick now." and you know what I said then? I said "Fine. I'm telling." and I went inside my house and I grabbed the phone book and I just called his mom. He came over after we hung up with my hockey stick, a plate of cookies (previously baked by his mom), and an apology. I took the cookies and the stick and shoved him away by his face like bYE FELICIA. 

Stop making it harder to see you, dickwad! Wait, you called your neighbor’s mom on him? That shouldn’t make me laugh as much as it does. Why’d you want to punch him?

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I want your dick to dance on my eyeball while I listen to Hannah Montana while I'm on a plate of spaghetti from Oliver Garden with Megan Fox dressed as Optimus Prime JA FEEL?

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im 13 and my boyfriend and i want to fool around with toys if you know what i mean ;) ideas?

You’re thiRTEEN. Go color or play hopscotch or pray or something.

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sometimes i masturbate on pictures of you

Oh really. 

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Post the last picture you took with your phone

Please note that I don’t need your questions regarding my obsession. 

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[Text] Well, it's a good thing I have positively no interest in sex.

{Text} I do. 

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Who: Dylan & Shawn Hummel.

When: Monday, January 12, 2015, early evening.

Where: Hummel abode.

Dylan had been completely zoned out for at least three minutes. He sat there, eyes wide open, staring at his poster covered walls. The television was on. The headphones he had around his neck were blasting music. Lafayette was passed out on his lap. Yet he remained still. Relaxed. Then suddenly he thought of something. God, I'm fucking hungry. The poor guy hadn't consumed any food in about twenty minutes and that was never a good thing, because then he got cranky. However; as soon as he looked down at his sleeping little kitten prince, he had a dilemma. Food. But you. Food. But you. If Dylan had anything in common with anyone, it was Lafayette, and if you argued that he was a cat rather than a human; Dylan would do one of two things. (Put his hand over your mouth and whisper very quietly "shut up", or he would pick up the cat and raise him to your eye level, long enough to say "apologize to him.") He needed sleep just as much as his owner did.

Dylan sighed as quietly as possible, shifting uncomfortably. "Psst." A pause. "Pssst." Another pause. "Psssst." Nothing. Dylan ran his finger along Lafayette's ear softly before leaning his head down to whisper a tiny bit louder, "I said psssst, Lafayette. That means wake up, politely." The small cat's eyes opened slowly. "I'm sorry, little man. But I'm in a bit of a pickle." He stared on as if waiting for Lafayette to acknowledge him, and then he began to nudge his leg with his nose. That must have meant to continue. "See, I need to eat. And sadly I cannot. Because you're laying on me." Dylan looked for any sign of sympathy, and then lowered his gaze when he received none. "Please move? My stomach is ready to digest my insides." A few more seconds of silence was all it took for Dylan to fold his arms over his chest and stick out his bottom lip. He was honestly pouting. At his cat. "You're not being very nice right now. I hope you know that. I also hope you know that I didn't raise you to behave this way." Lafayette glared at him for a moment longer and then crawled off of him at a pace that was nowhere near fast enough. Dylan watched his every move. "Thank you. Jesus. That's all I ever ask you to do. Move, stay in the house, and cuddle with me. Why do you make such a big deal out of this? I don't know. Nobody really knows." 

He threw his legs over the side of the bed and stood quickly. "Fuck." He mumbled as he hit the ground. Never try to do a damn thing when your foot is asleep. Remember this. Take notes. After resting his face against the carpet in attempt to gather the pieces of his confidence before making an effort to stand again, he used his arms to push his body up and off of the ground. Live long, Dilly Bug. Live long. He stumbled over to the door, flicking off the light before he opened it. "Get up." He said instinctively, sounding a bit annoyed. His relationship with his brothers wasn't a bad one. He just didn't always think before he did things. It was almost instantly after he spoke that he realized something was wrong. His tone changed then. "Hey." He bent down to lean against the wall outside of his room. He didn't need to ask him to say anything. Shawn didn't need to say anything at all. Dylan already knew. "You coming in? I was just about to go get some food, but I can always bring back a meal for two if you wanna wait here." Dylan didn't need to think about it. Sharing wasn't a thing he did when it came to anything he was going to eat. But this was his brother. His brother came before himself. Always. "My bed is super warm. I know you know that." His smile didn't fade for a second. Not even when Shawn looked like he wanted more than anything to bleed out the pain. 

Just There | Dylan & Shawn

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[Text] ... Not bad, actually. Thanks for letting me know what rimming would be like.

{Text} Hopefully if you’re doing that; the other dude has taken a shower. Because if you get shit on your tongue while rimming then something isn’t right and you need to get your face away from that ass immediately. #wordsofadvice 

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[Text] I used your toothbrush to polish my boots, btw. Sorz. Worked great, though!

{Text} That’s okay, because I ran yours along the rim of the toilet bowl about a week ago. How did that shit taste, asshole?

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↳ INSTAGRAM: @whatthedylan uploaded a photo.

oh fuck yes.

↳ 584 LIKES, 132 COMMENTS:

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Whatever.

Just last night when I really wanted to punch my neighbor but instead I went inside and called his mom. If that's not progress then I don't know what is.

Again? —the fuck, man? You spend more time grounded than not, I swear. Daddy Hummel is a smart man though, ‘cause you totally would have. He knows! Remind me, when was the last time you were “a good boy” again exactly?

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Alrighty.

I can’t. I’m not going to. 

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You will not.

There’s a gas station down the street. If you touch my food, I will bite you.