r-pantheon

[r-pantheon]

My eye is in six pieces

post by u/OnceAndFutureKing on r/mildlyinteresting

When I was younger, I used to battle my uncle Set a lot, and one time he tore out my eye and broke it into six pieces. Now that eye helps me relate to my people, as each piece relates to a different sense. I suppose this is not super important, but I thought it was interesting and relevant to my position as king.

[r-pantheon]

You want rain? Sure! You want to dictate the rain? Absolutely not!

post by u/WeWillRustYou on r/choosingbeggars

My father was being IMPOSSIBLE. He’s the king of the gods so he thinks he controls everything, and he wanted it to rain at certain, specific times that were NOT on my schedule. Anyway, I kept telling him to stop and he kept refusing, so I stopped making it rain at all! I took a nice long vacation to the desert and enjoyed my peace and quiet. I did some hunting--it was great! Meanwhile, I guess Egypt was not doing too well, what with the drought and all, so my father sent another god to come get me. He had to bribe me to get me back, and he never tried to control my rain again.

[r-pantheon]

I don’t think I’ll ever be over my sister

post by u/foreverlookingup on r/confessions

A long, long time ago I fell in love with my sister. She and I were together for a time, until our parents found out and separated us. I held onto her so so tight, but our father blew between us until she was blown upward and pinned to the roof of the universe. He’s never stopped keeping us apart. I would do anything to speak to her one more time. Maybe someday, we’ll be together again, Nut.

[r-pantheon]

My grandfather banned me from birth during the calendar year. So I added five new days.

post by u/foreverlookingdown on r/pettyrevenge

It's just the title! My grandfather didn’t like the guy I was seeing (my brother) so he separated us. I was already pregnant, but he didn’t like that, so he banned me from giving birth on any calendar day. The priests at my temples were already offering sacrifices and saying that there were too few days in the year so I gambled for some moonlight and created five new days, one for each of my children.

[r-pantheon]

I’m dying and my daughter is trying to extort me (I think)

post by u/CenteroftheWorld on r/toxicchildren

I really don't even know what to do with this. I (M10000) was bitten by a snake. Everyone tried to cure me, but I kept getting sicker and sicker. Finally, my daughter (F7000) revealed that she could cure me if I told her my secret name. She’s really pressing this issue. The thing is, if I tell her that name, she’ll be able to control me and I’m not sure how much I trust her. If I don’t trust her, I might die. Any advice on how to deal with my toxic daughter?

UPDATE:

I’ve decided to just give her the name. I’m going to die if I don’t. Thanks anyway for all of the advice

UPDATE 2:

Welp, looks like I was right not to trust her. She gave my throne to my great-grandson. Screw you, Isis and Horus.

[r-pantheon]

AITA for preventing my mom’s husband from destroying his brother (my father)’s body?

post by u/CorpseEaterAJ on r/AITA

Okay I thought I was in the right on this but he’s really upset so idk. I’m not exactly on top of the pantheon and TWO of the first eight are against me on this. Basically wayyyy back in the day my mom Nephthys (F7000) cheated on my uncle/stepfather Set (M7000) with his brother, my dad Osiris (M7000) and had me (M5000). None of my family really wanted anything to do with me so I ended up being the god of the dead which, yknow, was kinda cool. But then Set murdered Osiris, who was supposed to be the next king of the gods, which was massively upsetting to the pantheon, and chopped him into pieces. Long story short, my aunt recovered most of his bits and my great-great-grandfather ordered me to help them embalm him so he could pass peacefully through the Duat, kinda as a consolation prize for not being able to be king of the gods anymore (since he’s dead). But Set keeps trying to destroy him before I can embalm him! The first time I just castrated him (don’t worry, I don’t think it stuck) and exiled him. The second time, I branded him with hot irons and basically created leopards. But everyone’s up in arms over the last one: I flayed his skin from his flesh and set his body on fire before putting on his skin like a furry and slaughtering the rest of his army until the sand turned red. Now Set is saying I went totally overboard and my mom kinda agrees with him because it turns out she helped him kill Osiris in the first place?? But Set was trying to destroy my dad’s body so I think it was justified. AITA?

[r-pantheon]

I was dead and my brother cut up my body, but now I'm the god of the dead! AMA

post by u/DeadButNotGone on r/AskMeAnything

Basically what the title says. My brother Set killed me and tried to destroy me because I was set to take our father’s throne and he thought it should have been him, but some really cool people in my life (love you, Isis, babe) put me back together (I know, it’s cheesy, but I’m talking literally!) and now I’m king of the dead!

[r-pantheon]

My husband is mad at me for helping revive his brother :/

post by u/MamaBear on r/RelationshipAdvice

I (F7000) kind of went behind my husband’s (M7000) back and helped his sister (F5000) revive her husband (dead-ish), who is also my husband’s brother, who my husband murdered. Now my husband is claiming that I violated his “trust” or “boundaries” or something just because I found the pieces of the body and revived the poor guy! What about my boundaries?! What about the blood all over our new flooring?? Maybe we’re “miscommunicating” or something, but I’ve communicated plenty to that insolent psychopath. It’s not like I revived him to elope with him or anything—my best friend wouldn’t stop crying, so what was I supposed to do—NOT reassemble her dead husband?

[r-pantheon]

My father was burning the world, so I manipulated him into losing everything (I guess)

post by u/Will-I-Won't-I on r/NuclearRevenge

I originally posted this in r/pettyrevenge but someone told me I should repost here so here it is: My (F7000) father Re (M10000) is the sun god, and he’s really self-centered. Over the centuries he’s been going lower and lower over the Earth and scorching it. The people have been crying out to us gods but he just ignores them and he refuses to admit he might be in the wrong. The rest of my family was too afraid to interfere (because he’s kinda in charge of the gods and stuff, even if he doesn’t deserve it), but I had a brilliant idea. I fashioned a snake from his spit and it bit him, causing him to become very sick. He thinks he can control everything (delusional much??) so he ordered the poison to leave his body, but since it was made from his own spit it didn’t work. Now he still didn’t realize what I’d done because he’s so caught up in himself he never considered his own daughter might want to hurt him, so he asked me to come heal him. Ha! So I told him I need his secret name to cure him, and used that to force him away from the sun. Mission accomplished. But he’s still a self-centered jerk, so I go further. This is the good part: Re promised the throne to my husband/brother millenniums ago, but my husband was murdered by his brother Set and Re did nothing to stop it. BUT!! I have a son named Horus (M5000, used to be a minor-ish god but NOT ANYMORE), and so I used Re’s secret name to force him to yield the throne to my son. Now I’m the queen mother of the gods and that old fart has no power!

[r-pantheon]

Sister is suing me over my brother's body (MY PROPERTY!!!)

post by u/ChaosIncarnate in r/LegalAdvice

Let me just preface this with saying that I pulled myself up by the bootstraps to get here—and by here, I mean my brother’s two kingdoms or whatever. Fought him tooth and nail (and so he may have tripped down a few stairs and ended up dismembered) and took what was rightfully mine. Anyways, my sister, who was married to him, decides to throw a fit! And you know who else decides to throw a fit with her?? MY WIFE. Who I am PRETTY SURE is bound to me by law. Anyways, the two of them go through my PRIVATE PROPERTY looking for pieces of my brother’s body (which I put in PRIVATELY OWNED storage units) and revive him or something. Whatever. He died once and his shit is mine, so I don’t really care. But fast forward about a century and all of a sudden, some kid and my sister go to my boss and say that my stuff is THEIRS? Because the kid is my NEPHEW?? And now my sister’s suing me?? Who the hell revives their dead husband that their brother killed just to have a kid with him so they can reclaim the stuff I rightfully earned??