r-today-i-fucked-up

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some of my irl friends have taken to eating violin rosin.

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Hello this is your reminder that this blog supports Palestine.

Zionist can fuck off.

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today (read: a few weeks ago) i fucked up by putting vegetables in my coffee It was really good coffee. Like, expensive and tasty. So for obvious reasons I did not want to fuck it up One day, at about 9:30, I was making some delectable coffee. And some instant noodles. I ripped open the vegetable pack and accidentally put it in my coffee. (cue me staring blankly and sighing.) I scooped most of the surface veg out and put it back in the noodles, hoping it would Probably Be Okay and that I acted quickly enough to get all of them out of my (delectable) coffee About ten minutes later, when I started tasting dry carrot, I realised that I fucked up quite severely. The noodles were also bad. All in all, unsatisfactory. Do not reccomend. Sludgy vegetables do not belong in coffee.

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TIFU by reheating soya milk coffee in the microwave several times since I have the memory of a stale bread stick. I usually have oat or cow milk instead.

I heated the coffee up in a brilliantly orange mug. I did... Something of sorts (probably reading). It went cold; I reheated it. It went cold again; I reheated it.

I noticed it looked a little strange. I decided to put in the fridge in the hopes that this would fix things. It did not.

Next morning, I woke to a simaltanously gelatinous and grainy coffee sludge/coffee like subtance. I prodded it. It wobbled back at me. Curiosity possessed me and I took a swig. Not as bad as I expected for day old cheap instant coffee combined with 50 pence soya milk that the microwave had attacked a few times before being left to marinate in the cold. Which is to say. Still very bad.

It almost... Wobbled its way out of the cup when I poured it down the sink.

After all of that, I read the warning on the tetrapack: to avoid curdling in hot drinks, add before hot liquid. Do not mix with boiling water

Ah dang. That makes sense at least. I never knew not reading the back matter could have such awful tasting yet perfectly safe and technically edible* consequences.

I do not recommend doing this unless you enjoy suffering or really want to try curdled instant coffee for some reason.

*The coffee was only edible by that point. Definitely not drinkable.

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TIFU by sighing in annoyance because a customer changed their mind and wanted to add another order of nachos after I already asked if they were done with their order and they had said yes and they got pissed off and wanted me to get my mangers.

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am-i-the-asshole-official is another Reddit Tumblr if you want to add it to your info post ^.^

Thanks but someone already @‘d them in the reply ^_^

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Tifu by being fucking forgetful and got too comfortable living alone

So a couple days ago I left some of my sex toys out in the open in my living room cuz reasons and promptly forgot about them. A relative of mine came by to pick up some things and most definitely saw but because the toys basically blended into the surroundings and therefore don’t exists in my eyes I acted like everything was normal and they didn’t mention it either so I didn’t realize until a fucking few minutes ago when I finally notice the god damn toys and then remember I had a fucking visitor as well a couple days ago and now I want to crawl into a hole and disappear. The only saving grace (other then them not mentioning it but like there’s no way they didn’t see it) is the toys don’t look like dicks but they’re clearly sex toys so like just fucking kill me now honestly

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I once poured juice into my cereal instead of milk because I grabbed the wrong carton

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TIFU by not cooking rice.

I had Chinese for lunch a few days ago and had leftover fried rice from the meal. Great, amazing even. Today I go out to the refrigerator to grab said rice. I go inside to heat it up in the microwave, but one of the people I live with was on her phone blocking it, so I sit down, with my cold, hard, fried rice, and eat it with a fork. Yeah, a fork. Sufficient to say that was a) unpleasant b) unhealthy c) wasting good leftovers and d) proving I’m a wimp.

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Hello yes hi we’re here but not a lot of asks

Do you know if there's a Tumblr version of TIFU? I feel like it would be a great idea on here

No idea! How about it, y'all? Anyone know?

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Forgot to press queue . Turning into an isopod.

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TIFU by being horny

I (21ftm) started testosterone a couple of months ago and so far the most noticeable effect by far has been increased libido. I've been clawing at the walls, suddenly feeling much more understanding if how obnoxious my car was when she went into heat right before we desexed her.

So, I did what any sane man would do, and bought my first vibrator. Just a little bullet vibe from the sex shop down the road. I was in heaven. Usually, I have to stop jacking it when my arm stops cramping. No more! I think I spent three hours with it before the battery finally died.

Then I stood up. Started to walk. Realised that my clot was radiating pain with every step. Took a good look at it, and it's fuckin purple. I had that vibe pressed into it for so long and so hard that I bruised my fucking clit.

It not only hurts to walk, but I'm genuinely afraid to jack off until it looks normal, so I'm back to clawing at the walks ToT

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TIFU by cooking rice

I woke up hungry at and had a craving for rice. I foolishly decided to try cooking rice first thing in the morning when I was barely functional and it went about as well as you’d expect

While rinsing off the starch I kept dumping it out of the strainer by accident cause sleepy me is a clumsy. After that was finally done I put it in the pot with some water and put it on the stove. I was so tired I set an alarm to wake me up when it was boiling. When it went off I saw that there was no change to the rice at all and thought the stove stopped working because I remembered turning it on. Turns out I did turn it on but put the pot over the wrong burner. Never try to cook anything if you are half asleep.

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This is kind of really super stupid, but I have incredibly tight hamstrings. Always have, idk why exactly. Which means that I need to stretch them a lot. Something that I don't do because I'm 14 and I don't like stretching and fuck you lol

Unfortunately for me, my mother actually cares about me so I've been forced to do yoga recently. Apparently my legs have been so tight that now that they're finally loosening my feet are literally getting painfully itchy because I'm getting bloodflow to them.

Last week I didn't even know that was possible??? Like what??? I guess this explains why my feet are always cold???

So ye... Today* (actually not today more like the past 11 years of my life) I fucked up because apparently it is possible to not get enough bloodflow to your feet due to not stretching. You learn something new every day ig

idk if this really counts sry

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tifu

I put a belt around my neck as a collar and tied a leash from that to a bookcase so id be restrained and then did fantasies

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TIFU by having a mental breakdown after telling my gf I don’t want her to date his friend.

This wasn’t yesterday; but it was a couple days ago. I was thinking of telling her I want to close our relationship but I never did tell her and then he said she wanted to date someone new but was asking me if I was fine with that.

I said no, and I felt horrible. I felt horrible because I’m depriving her of her happiness because I’m selfish.

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tofu by coming out to a homophobic friend

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