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my little squish...Gemma Nan Pappalardo, born 1/12/24

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greatest song of all time?

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miss this era when i was in chico staying with emily, i accidentally got paint all over this jacket and i guess i got rid of those shoes? sometimes i regret how much a minimalist i am but also its probably part of being a pisces and just going with the flow, the current etc, i let things go easily and often feel like things always come my way. 2024 is going to be a leap of faith for me. Im going to quit my job soon and focus more on developing valuable skills like sewing, knitting, soapmaking, breadmaking, weaving, ceramics etc and hopefully eventually just make a living by selling my own creations. Probably a period of being poor but also just deep faith that I will have everything i truly need. Learning recently from one of my mentors that theres a difference between the way the matrix or paradigm operates and the way the natural world operates. The matrix is cruel and unusual but theres something in the natural world that seems to always work out and maybe the only way to really commune with that world is to really detach yourself from the grip of the matrix and freefall into the arms of the universe. Were going to have to focus even more on growing and preserving our own food and hopefully i can break some bad habits, like needing to buy groceries all the time, like what if i just forage and eat more from the garden. I actually havent smoked weed or drank since may but I think i started to eat more ice cream and bread as a way of coping :=0

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Tarkovsky

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havent made a rant in a while so maybe its time to let it rip

ppl wear masks now when they get sick, but like its odd to me because you're just breathing in all that sick air and making yourself more sick, and not exposing ppl to things doesn't actually do them any favors, its like how antibiotics or like heartworm medicine for dogs is not working anymore bec we rely on them too much, nature is intelligent and will adapt to anything, and especially something artificial, in order to have a fighting chance against an organism that is alive and adapting in this world you have to bring your own alive and adapting spirit to the table, and its not like we dont have things that can help, we do but those things have to be alive and adapting in the interaction, like a plant, medicinal herbs/tree barks/etc. If its manufactured in a laboratory its essentially static and dead and whatever virus, parasite, pathogen can just learn to evolve with it. The only way to get stronger is to go thru the fire...expose yourself and build your bodies strength by using plants. I guess its still so taboo to talk about this tho...ppl will straight up tell me they wear masks now when they are sick and im just like, omg in my head and I know they could never handle the conversation so i just dont say anything... why did we have to demonize the real hippies for 2 years in 2020, its insane, now we can never talk about anything and now, it just seems hard to have a relationship with someone when u cant be totally honest with them. There are so many things i just dont find interesting anymore...I can never really go back to who i use to be, its weird to think abt how much ive changed. I use to think I wanted to be a part of an artist community or music community or even activist community but every community i use to be a part of shunned any alternative thinking in 2020 and beyond and I just realized so much about our world during that time that now I just have values that beyond what most of those communities prioritize...like I'll always be an artist into weird music and standing up for poor working class ppl but I def dont think we can change anything thru the political system and I think Im so much more aware of how dark and unhealthy everything is and deciding to change my behavior and move towards creating a better world is the all encompassing priority now. I just feel so bad when I think about the younger generations... I feel like so many young ppl are so unhealthy and sick, poor, working shitty jobs and its so fucked up...we cant keep living like this, everyone needs to live in a better world its honestly the only thing that really matters to me. Im only interested in the deepest truths that can change the world, no matter how uncomfortable they are.

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geeking so hard on circa 1985 loren auerback and bert jansch ughhhhhhhhh

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