raizallyn

[raizallyn]

Aw :( can I ask what happened with the conversion? (You don't have to answer if you don't want, obviously)

No, that’s fine. I wrote a bit about it here, but there wasn’t really one thing or one defining moment that caused me to change my mind, it was just that as I became more observant I realized that maybe this wasn’t for me. See, I first started thinking seriously about conversion almost two years ago, but up until last November, I wasn’t observing the more difficult mitzvot. I davened mincha or maariv most days, said Shema and Modeh Ani, and was conscious of what I ate and wore with regards to kashrus and tznius, but I wasn’t fully Tznius or Kosher. I took on Tznius full time right before Thanksgiving, kosher full time in January, and started taking Shabbos more seriously probably in February, and I was miserable. Tznius wasn’t so bad, but I couldn’t eat out or with my family without feeling guilty, and I just stayed at home on Shabbos because the closest shuls are 30 minutes to an hour depending on traffic.

By Passover, I was really starting to question whether or not this was what I wanted. I know that the basics of Jewish theology are still important to me and I still believe in them, but I don’t think that I am prepared to live a fully orthodox life. I want to be able to go to my cousin’s christening this fall without feeling guilty, and I don’t want to ostracize myself or my future children from the rest of my family and friends because we can’t go to a birthday party on Saturday or have thanksgiving dinner at Grandma’s house. I have enough respect for the Torah and its teachings (not to mention sincere conversion candidates) that I’m not just going to convert orthodox and then ignore the mitzvot that I’ve obligated myself and my children to, but I also wouldn't be comfortable converting conservative if it means that a good chunk of Jews (including basically all of those in power) won’t consider me and my family Jewish.

So I’m not sure where I’m at, really. I’m definitely not a Christian (I was raised one, but I didn’t even consider myself one before I became interested in Judaism) and being a Noahide has always seemed a bit silly because there’s no community. Even though I know I can’t be Jewish without converting, I still fully believe in the concept of one God and that doing good deeds will help bring about redemption and a time when Godliness will have a place in this world. I just don’t necessarily believe that I need to cover myself and refrain from eating my mom's cheesy chicken spaghetti in order to play a part in that. I mean, who knows? Maybe one day that will change and I’ll start looking at conversion again, but for right now I’m content with being a religious person in the way that works best for me.

[raizallyn]

As I've become increasingly certain that I won't be converting, I've decided to start a new blog, which will likely become my main one. I'd love it if any of you are interested in following that blog (because I'm obviously just that fascinating and awesome, I know), but I'll probably still post here on rare occasions.

[raizallyn]

Windows...for when you're too scared to notice you're three feet from a door.

[raizallyn]

[raizallyn]

Happy Lag B’Omer everyone! After my boating adventure, I have some stuff to add and also thought I would explain how I put together a tzanua swimsuit.

This is what I wore today (please forgive the bathroom selfie…my mirror broke).

The skirt is a different colorway of the one I posted about. I have both the blue striped one that I linked to and this damask one. It worked out really well! I fell in the lake unexpectedly and the water was freezing, so there was a lot of flailing and it didn’t weigh me down or get in the way at all. It also wasn’t too clingy out of the water and didn’t stretch. It took a little while to dry, but my legs weren’t cold while it was drying and it’s so light even when it’s soaked that it didn’t bother me to walk around with it damp. I don’t know how it would fair in chlorinated water, but it did really well in the lake.

It’s actually fairly simple to put together your own tzanua swimsuit. You’re probably going to want four parts: a sports bra/swim top and leggings/running tights for the bottom layer, and a shirt and skirt for the top. Material is the most important thing. Most regular swimsuits are made with nylon and spandex, but polyester/spandex works well, too, and that’s what most workout wear is made from. You just need to make sure to use synthetics. Cotton stretches, weighs you down, takes forever to dry, and when it does dry it evaporates and makes you cold.

The skirt and the top are going to be hardest/most expensive to find. I got really lucky with this skirt, but I’m probably going to have to buy a rash guard because I wore a regular shell—which is mostly cotton—and I regretted wearing it all afternoon. I was so cold that I put a winter coat on over it. I bought both the tights and the sports bra specifically for this but pretty much any of those will work. For all the pieces you want light, thin, and again, don’t use cotton. If you have an old bikini or one piece those would work well for the top, but a one piece might be uncomfortable if it’s hot. You want a skirt that has room to move but is fairly fitted so there isn’t extra fabric to get tangled in. A good, lightweight, A-line is your best bet.

This is basically an analogue of every tzanua suit you’ll see online, but given the uncertainty of my future of being tzanua, I was reluctant to shell out for one of those and I wanted more options. The only thing I already had was the shell but I was able to get everything else cheap or on sale. It will come out to about $70 (skirt $13, Tights $14, Bra $15, and a rash guard will be about $30). It’s a lot, but I’ll get a lot of use out of it during camp and I’ll be able to use each thing separately, too. For comparison, the Speedo one piece I use for lap swimming was about $60 and Kosher Casual has the cheapest tzanua swimsuit I’ve seen at $68 without a bra. It is, however, chlorine resistant and has UV protection, so it’s really up to you.

uber cheap sport skirts Pt.2 and DIY Tzanua swimsuit

If any of you have Costco memberships, right now they have tznius sport skirts for 12.99! I bought two for camp and they seem fairly good quality. They’re also made out of polyester/lycra, which is what most of the tznius swimsuits I’ve seen are made out of, so I’m probably going to use it for that this summer.

I’m going boating for Lag B’Omer, so maybe I’ll throw myself overboard and report on its performance as a swim skirt.

[raizallyn]

uber cheap sport skirts!!

If any of you have Costco memberships, right now they have tznius sport skirts for 12.99! I bought two for camp and they seem fairly good quality. They're also made out of polyester/lycra, which is what most of the tznius swimsuits I've seen are made out of, so I'm probably going to use it for that this summer.

I'm going boating for Lag B'Omer, so maybe I'll throw myself overboard and report on its performance as a swim skirt.

[raizallyn]

I talked to the rebbetzin who is running the camp I'm working at this summer to get some specifics figured out. She wants me to be the head counselor because I'll be the oldest and am the only one who can drive. I'm excited to work with the kids, and it'll provide some much needed diversification to my resume, but depending on how many kids enroll, there might be as many as four teenagers working as counselors and she wants me to not only take the campers out on trips, but take the counselors out in the evenings and on Sundays. So I'm going to be taking care of 15+ kids all day, and then out until all hours of the night with teenagers! I'd be totally fine with Sunday trips, but my best friend calls me Nana because I get grouchy if I'm not home by 8pm on weeknights. On top of that, I'm still really thinking I don't want to convert. I've started wearing pants again and ate McNuggets dipped in ranch dressing the other day. I can't help but think that this is just a recipe for disaster, but I already committed and if no more kids enroll I'm going to be the only counselor, so I really can't back out.

[raizallyn]

The first time I opened a box of new Trix, I thought "What if they really are just for kids and I can't see the shapes anymore?!"

[raizallyn]

It took me until the second to last picture to figure out what was going on here.

And do you want to know something else? 

I never liked your spinach puffs!

NEVER!

(second and third photos taken by jean-the-horse-princess. THANK YOU SO MUCH)

[raizallyn]

You can be the prettiest peach in the world, and some people just aren’t going to like peaches.

The best best friend ever.

[raizallyn]

I know that faith and religious involvement is often something that comes and goes. Sometimes you need it more and sometimes you need it less. I've had times over the past couple years, since I decided I wanted to convert, where I wasn't so excited about it. I still knew that conversion was something I wanted, it just wasn't at the front of my mind. But for the last few days, I've been seriously reconsidering. I'm not sure anymore if I want to live an orthodox life. I don't feel anything but resentment when I make sure my collarbone and elbows are covered, or eat something that's kosher but tastes horrible compared the to the treif version. Shabbat just makes me feel guilty because it's supposed to be a holy day but I just want to nap and watch netflix. I worry about whether making this choice now will cause my children to miss out on things they would have liked to do. What if I have a daughter who loves to sing or dance, but can't because there are men in the audience? What if I have a kid who wants to serve in the military? I want my kids to feel comfortable having friends who aren't like them without having to explain and feel left out because they can't have birthday cake.

I know that the foundations of Judaism still have meaning to me--It's the only faith I've ever believed in--and maybe I'd fit in better as a conservative, but I don't think I can convert conservative if it means that someone will one day tell me or my kids we aren't Jewish. At the same time, I feel like it would be wrong to convert orthodox without intending on practicing orthodox. I know people who've done this but I'm not sure if I could. And even if I did, they could still revoke it.

I just really don't know what to do right now. Passover is supposed to be about liberation, but I feel so trapped...

[raizallyn]

[raizallyn]

I have bronchitis and I can't eat chametz. I have never been this grumpy in my life.

[raizallyn]

[raizallyn]

Happy yomtov

[raizallyn]

Cleaning

clean bathroom tips

organize your closet

how to fix a leaky faucet

how to keep a clean kitchen

removing stains from your carpet

Money

how to coupon

what to do when you can’t pay your bills

see if you’re paying too much for your cell phone bill

how to save money

How to Balance a Check Book

How to do Your Own Taxes

Health

how to take care of yourself when you’re sick

things to bring to a doctor’s appointment

what to expect from your first gynecologist appointment

how to make a doctor’s appointment

how to pick a health insurance plan

a list of stress relievers

how to get free therapy

how to remove a splinter

how to avoid a hangover

Emergency

what to do if you get pulled over by a cop

a list of hotlines in a crisis

things to keep in your car in case of an emergency

how to do the heimlich maneuver

Food

recipes that take 30 minutes or less

Yummy apple thing

Brownie in a cup

Cookie in a cup

French bread pizza

Egg tacos

panera mac n cheese recipe

different salad recipes

harry potter recipes

healthy recipes

various cookie recipes

chocolate cupcakes w/ eggless cookie dough topping

s’mores pie 

nutella hot chocolate

peanut butter nutella swirl cookies

cookie in a mug

starbucks holiday drinks

fruit leathers 

brownie in a mug

how to make ramen 1000x better

eggless cookie dough (not to bake, just to eat)

make recipes using things you already have

how to put together a very fancy cheese plate 

make different flavored lemonades

various desert recipes

make tiny chocolate chip cookies

20 dishes every cook should know

learn how to make your own tea

Macaroni and cheese in a mug

Study snacks (2)

40 on-the-go breakfast recipes

Home

what the hell is a mortgage?

first apartment essentials checklist

how to care for cacti and succulents

the care and keeping of plants 

Getting an apartment

Job

time management

create a resume

find the right career

how to pick a major

how to avoid a hangover

how to interview for a job

how to stop procrastinating

How to write cover letters

Travel

ULTIMATE PACKING LIST

Traveling for Cheap 

Travel Accessories

The Best Way to Pack a Suitcase

How To Read A Map

How to Apply For A Passport

How to Make A Travel Budget

Better You

read the news

leave your childhood traumas behind

how to quit smoking

how to get a book published

how to knit

how to use a polaroid camera

how to solve a rubik’s cube

how to stop biting your nails

how to stop procrastinating

how to stop skipping breakfast

how to stop micromanaging

how to stop avoiding asking for help

how to stop swearing constantly

how to stop being a pushover

learn another language

how to improve your self-esteem

how to sew

learn how to embroider

how to love yourself

learn how to do yoga

100 tips for life

learn how to make your own cards

[raizallyn]

Fluff rice with a fork, never stir it with a spoon. Vaseline is the best night time eye cream on the market. You can buy alcohol and chips with your parents’ gas station credit cards. If you force something, you’ll break it. That could be good or bad. It’s important to read the care tags on your clothing and follow those instructions. Related: don’t wash and dry j. crew wool sweaters. Changing your car’s oil is not optional. Whatever physical objects you acquire you will one day have to put into a box and move. You’re allowed to disagree with negative feedback. It’s always worth reading the instruction manual. Nostalgia, like any drug, can be a poison or a remedy. Pets are like human friends but better in every conceivable way. Good doctors listen more than they talk. You can’t fix a burned roux. Floss. Just because someone is an authority figure does not mean they are intelligent/competent/right. Measure twice, cut once. Get your nice jeans and dress pants tailored by a professional. If you’re uncomfortable wearing it you will not look good. You’re not required to drink alcohol while in a bar. There are a few things that cure all ills: the beach, your favorite album on vinyl, and fresh garlic. Kindness is not weakness. Baking soda is not baking powder. Taking Excedrin P.M. while still in public is not advisable. Terrible people will succeed. Wonderful people will fail. The world is not fair. Appropriate footwear is always key. You can absolutely be too forgiving. Real humor punches up, not down. Reading the assigned chapters will actually help you learn the material. There are no adults. Everyone is as clueless as you are. Applying eyeliner well is a timeless art. You can always leave. Awkward dates, suffocating jobs, hometowns that you outgrow, relationships that aren’t growing in the right direction. You can always come home again. But it won’t be the same. Life is too short for bad books, boring movies, shitty people, and margarine. Never underestimate the importance of eyebrows.

36 Things I Wish I Figured Out Sooner - Whitney Kimball  (via seabelle)