ramblingsontech

[ramblingsontech]

The Ultimate Sport?

I recently wrote about playing ultimate, and more specifically why I spent my summer touring. It’s unusual for me to write much of anything, let alone share as much as I did (though there’s so much more I wish I could have articulated), and I’m quite proud of what I wrote. I stand by my reasons for touring, and maintain that (for me) Ultimate is the greatest sport available.

There are exceptions to every rule. Take tonight, for instance: I was traded to a team which has been well-crafted to play a style of ultimate totally different to that which I play; that I’m strong in; or that I’m even comfortable playing. Fair enough, if I wanted to control the team I should have volunteered to manage one. I don’t enjoy playing this style, but I can’t get only great teams in this league.

However, when a teammate of mine shows up to the game drunk (we’re talking slurring words, giggling at everything, no coordination or energy) before what’s supposed to be a competitive game (and one the captain describes as a “must win” game due to a series of losses leading up to this), the only response that comes to mind is “Fuck you.”

I get that Ultimate has party tournaments where it’s not even acceptable, it’s expected that teams are drinking on the sidelines. I played in one of these this past weekend, and loved every minute of it[1]. Parity league – while a fun league that frequently includes drinking while watching games – is still not a party tournament. Even at party tournaments, there’s an expectation that you not get plastered. If you are too drunk to play, you keep yourself off the field. Your teammates and your opponents don’t deserve to be disrespected by your turning the game into a joke.

Don’t force the other women on the team to chase after two women at the same time simply because you’re too drunk to play defence. Don’t cut other people on the field off when you’re on offence because you want the disc, even when you’re too uncoordinated to reliably catch or throw. Don’t hog the field: sub off and let your teammates get some play time, especially if you’re going to do shit all when you’re playing.

I love Ultimate, and my emotions for 90% of the people I’ve met through it vary from indifference to best-friend material. I love playing even in the rain, wind, snow, sleet, or hail. I love an incredibly tight matchup, and can enjoy a lopsided victory or crushing defeat. I’ve played in games where the opposing team’s coach instructed his team to cheat, knowing his instructions were against the rules. I did not enjoy those games, but I got over them.

This is something else. This was one player unilaterally deciding that the other 24 people playing or stats keeping that game were not worthy of her respect; that their enjoyment was not worth her not drinking or simply not playing that game.

Fuck you, teammate. May I never again find myself on the same field as you.

[1] Post-Snowplate write up of the good and the bad coming later

[ramblingsontech]

TGIF

God do I need to get out of the house.

There are four of us:

A lazy student who’s gonna get a brutal wake up call when he gets rejected from all of his high school applications. Maybe he should start by learning how to boil water by himself.

An even lazier packrat with what appears to be an innate need to spend money on totally useless things. Why buy the $5 package when the functionally identical $15 package is in stock?

The anxiety-ridden one who lacks self esteem. The only one I enjoy spending time with and talking to, if they weren’t 150% swamped with all their obligations.

Finally, the depressed student whose one frequent social outlet is with a bunch of athletes who share a passion for propelling and chasing 175g of plastic around a field. The student who – for the time ever – doesn’t have a summer job lined up, and has seemingly been blacklisted from his previous employer.

The prospect of four months spent around #1 and #2 is the only thing stopping me from taking the summer off to recover. I need a job to keep me away from my family and to keep me busy enough I can’t suffer. At the same time, I've spent the better part of five years dealing with this latest flare-up. I can’t talk to family, I don’t have friends who I can to about this, and seeking professional help is: i) expensive af; ii) historically a complete waste of time; iii) hard to access in the first place.

[ramblingsontech]

2016

2016 was, many aspects, just like any other year: it took approximately 365 days for the earth to complete its orbit around the sun. People were born, learned new things, made new friends, fell out of touch, lost friends, and some people died. I’m not even going to try to sum up an entire year; recounting all the memorable aspects in a single day is an impossible task, let alone 366 of them.

My Barcelona trip was in 2015, but it feels like it was in early 2016: it was the first trip I’ve taken except for those with family or scouts, and in many ways it was the beginning of my theme of 2016: independence.

Fan and I broke up. In retrospect I think it was overdue, and its occurrence in 2016 is more a function of timing and formality than any specific event. I value the memories we made together, and wish we had been able to keep the promise we made to each other: that our friendship came first. I wish you nothing but happiness, and hope you find someone with whose interests and priorities more closely align than ours did.

I spent the summer touring with Mars Meets Venus (MMV), a co-ed ultimate team from Toronto. I can’t describe how much it’s helped me as a player and as a person; I can only say that there’s a bond you share with your teammates that's totally unique. Amanda, Becks, Deb, Erin, Jane, Jacqui, Jenny, Leah, Lindsay, Alice, Aaron, Chris, Damian, Don, Hung, Ivan, Jarel, Jerry, Kevin R., Kevin H., Travis, and Oski: I spent more time this summer with these athletes than I did anyone except my coworkers and immediate family, and there wasn’t a single time I didn’t relish the experience of taking the field with any of them.

I first experienced the bewilderment, loss, and pain of losing a friend: Van Hung Nguyen passed away early in the morning on December 31, 2016. I first met Hung this April via MMV, but I suspect we’d played against each other in summers past. I’ll always remember him as the guy that beat me to the disc every. single. time, and as the first to suggest we grab some food after the game. In retrospect, I’m even more glad I took him up on the offer in what turned out to be our last game together: he, Damian, and I spent a few hours sitting in some place on The Danforth talking about what went wrong in our game (we lost rather badly), what the MMV tryout process was like, and sharing memories and impressions of the other players on the team. Farewell buddy, I’ll miss you and am honoured to have taken the field with you.

[ramblingsontech]

On Whirlwinds, Sand, and Sleep

It's been a busy couple of weeks. I'm not going to recap everything here because most of it is unimportant; the important stuff I'll address here or in a future post.

Disks and Dunes at Wasaga Beach last weekend was amazing. It was incredibly nice of Alice and her parents to host us at their "cottage" (better called a mansion/modern castle), we played well as a team, and the team revelry turned an already good weekend into a great one.

Last week was full of nothing but ultimate and work, and served mostly as an interlude between Disks me Dunes and Storm the Beach in Cobourg yesterday.

Unfortunately I didn't play with MMV this weekend, so I missed out on some of the shenanigans that occurred during the tourney. Despite this (and not knowing anyone on the team I was playing with) it was a fun day, and after frolicking in the water with MMV after the tournament, Deb made a surprise announcement that we were all invited back to her place for a barbecue. I figured I'd show up for a bit and then leave, but I ended up staying right till the end and catching the night bus home (more on that later).

It was after we'd eaten, while we were sitting in a circle "singing" (horribly out of key, but there was no one but us to hear it) that I realized the emotions I was feeling were approaching what I had at Shad - I don't know the individual people nearly as well as I'd like to, but I feel far closer to them than I've done with any group of people since that last night at Shad around the fire. I'm going to miss this team when the season ends.

I'd write more, but I've played 22 games of ultimate in the past 13 days, and I'm currently running on ten hours of sleep since Friday at 6am (mostly thanks to a 5am wake up to meet Erin yesterday, and not getting home until 3am this morning thanks to the TTC's annoyingly sparse night bus schedule), and I'm exhausted. Doesn't help that the rest of my family is now back, which is adding stress in addition to my exhaustion and emotion-tempest.

Goodnight world, I'm running away to the relative sanctuary of my (hopefully dreamless like normal) sleep.

[ramblingsontech]

Baby Steps

I nodded off briefly in work today, as a direct result of being sleep deprived since last Friday. Having absolutely nothing to do at work doesn't help with staying awake, either. Tomorrow looks to be about the same, which means that Spotify is going to be my companion tomorrow in an attempt to stay awake. Playlist of choice at the moment is a mix of old standbys for sad times, interspersed with songs favoured by the MMV players. I played my first real game since regionals earlier tonight, and despite feeling pretty good when I started, it quickly became apparent that my legs are still tired, and I'm not able to run quickly or for long. When I was able to make the right decision (more on that shortly) I frequently wasn't physically able to execute on it. On the bright side (and here begins the progress portion of this post), RoFo as a team had a better game than last week. A 15-11 loss is better than 17-5, no matter how you slice it. More neutral, but still somewhat of an improvement, is that I was in less of a fog today, and had genuine moments of pleasure; yesterday was very much "fake it 'till you make it" until the time with MMV late in the day, whereas I found a few moments to enjoy in the league game with RoFo. Faking it was also easier today. Up until I got home and let my guard down, I don't think anyone was aware of how I was truly feeling. I'll get there, one baby step at a time. The saving grace throughout this whole thing has been that I'm quite sure of what the endgame is; I know where I need to be. The struggle is "simply" in getting there.

[ramblingsontech]

The day after the day after

Practice was optional today, and I went despite not knowing whether I wanted to go or not, and fighting all day not to fall asleep. It was nice to throw around with my teammates, and dinner afterwards was fun, even if it meant I didn't get home until 11:40. Yesterday the question was "too much, or not enough?" Today, I know the answer: both. Too much time spent with MMV means I don't have time for anything else, but at the same time it's not enough time with the team. It also means I don't have enough time to dwell on what's going wrong in my life. Maybe I'm running away when I should be confronting and solving these problems. I did want to become a faster runner; this seems as good a time as any to start. Problems, eat my dust. At least for the time being I'm going to ignore you and expect you to do the same.

[ramblingsontech]

Too much, or not enough?

Foreword: I spent the weekend in Ottawa and the Kawartha Highlands with MMV, competing in regionals and then relaxing and partying at AZ’s cottage with (amongst others) TD, EL, AM, and IP.

Too much, or not enough time with my teammates? Too much, or not enough effort? Too much, or not enough wind? Too much, or not enough rain? Too much, or not enough food? Too much, or not enough time off work? Too much, or not enough wine tonight? Too much, or not enough sleep? Too much, or not enough (courage|stupidity)? Too much, or not enough talking? Too much, or not enough feeling?

The answer to all these is the same: I don’t know.

What I do know: too much thinking.

[ramblingsontech]

May Day, or "let's run around in the sun all day in 37°C"

My first tournament with MMV was today, and I came home with a potential minor ankle sprain, sore and blistered feet, almost sunburns from my neck up, and am as excited as I could possibly be about it. The tournament was a blast (it was nice to be seeded in the middle of the pack as opposed to the bottom), and we ended up placing third after beating the team we lost to by one earlier in the day. The first two (of five) games were some of the best I've had in years (ever?), with no throwaways or drops, multiple assists and second assists, and more blocks than I normally get in a couple of months playing. The next couple of games were still good, but thanks to a combination of wind, rain, and the beginnings of heat exhaustion my execution wasn't as nice as the first two. The last game was my worst game of the day, but I'm still not upset about it per se. Given my playing earlier I'm disappointed, but it was no pt drastically worse than my usual playing. In short, after my first ever tournament with a touring team was a blast and an unqualified success, and I'm incredibly excited for what's to come.

[ramblingsontech]

Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life

[ramblingsontech]

My friends(don't have tumblr): have u seen this meme lol, it was on the 'best of tumblr' facebook page, tumblr is so funny

Me, a tumblr gremlin: haha yeah lol, think i've seen that one before lol

Me (what I really mean): you fools. I am plugged into the mainframe, wired to the primary source. Of course have seen that meme, and all 5000 of it's variants, 3 and a half months ago. I have seen the rise and fall of that meme, the boom and bust, the drama, the pain, the shitposting, oh god, the shitposting. I have seen this meme in it's rawest, freshest, unpasturised, most primal state. Do not insult me with these rank, stale puddles, that sit at the very base of the meme trickle down economy.

[ramblingsontech]

Watch: President Obama brought the house down at his last White House Correspondents Dinner.

[ramblingsontech]

[ramblingsontech]

Hello from the Other Side

My my, it has been a while. I don’t care to check to see how long; let’s call it “too long” and be done with it.

In brief, the high- and lowlights of the past however-long-it’s-been:

George Brown College feels like high school all over again: I'm putting in next to no effort and cruising through my courses. The one course that challenged me did so because I crammed the whole thing into a three week self study session.

I'm working with BMO's Technology & Operations department again this summer, and my job is a make-work project if ever there was one. At least last year I was so busy I didn't realise how shitty my summer was until afterwards.

I tried out for &mdash and was accepted to &mdash a touring team. Tournament #1 is in the books, and the countdown to Ontario Regionals has begun.

Practices for the team have sucked, mostly because my head hasn't been in the game (see below).

I've reached the point in my emotional cycle where I listen to the same few songs on repeat, wishing they were sadder. Can I either:

a) Skip ahead to the point in life where I have a well-paying, meaningful job, a significant other to cuddle with after work, my own place (shared with SO), and preferably a vacation planned for some not-too-distant time in the future; or

b) Go back and start things over again. I know most people would like nothing less than to redo high school (normally I'd be one of them), but most things I dislike about where I am can be traced back there, and I'd appreciate the chance to fix my mistakes and try again.

As good as this cake tastes, eating my feelings does nothing but perpetuate the feedback loop. And force me to buy a new belt.

[ramblingsontech]

in sixth grade my homeroom teacher caught this kid stephen saying, “that’s so gay.”

so he told the class that for the rest of the week, anytime you wanted to express something negatively, you could say, “that’s so stephen.”

and it started out as a joke, where even this stephen kid was going around using it, laughing at it, not really caring. it was funny, i guess.

but then one of his friends got a bad mark on a test and said, “that’s so stephen.”

we had a blacktop recess and everyone kept saying, “that’s so stephen.”

and when we got too loud doing groupwork and had to separate and work silently, everyone in the class kept muttering, “that’s so stephen.”

and the weirdest part was that even though it was just a word we were using, even though it had nothing to do with stephen, we all sort of blamed stephen.

and as everyone kept using “that’s so stephen,” all week, you could see stephen himself finding it less and less funny. we played a game called “pamplemousse” in french class and everyone got stephen out right away if they could. someone literally went and found one of stephen’s art projects when nobody else was around and ruined it so he had to start over.

and when my homeroom teacher found out about it, he sat everyone down and told us that it wasn’t okay to say “that’s so stephen” anymore. that the things we’d been blaming him for weren’t his fault and the things we’d been doing to him weren’t fair.

he told us that stephen couldn’t help it that he was stephen. he didn’t choose to be stephen. he was born stephen.

and that’s when it clicked.

we all felt pretty stupid, i think, for sort of falling for it, but i’ll be damned if i’ve ever had a teacher get a lesson across so utterly and completely as mr. bernard did.

it hadn’t even been the full week.

[ramblingsontech]

@horizontaltranslations you’re clearly the cat.

[ramblingsontech]

Let’s focus now, shall we?

My IT hardware teacher seems to prefer telling stories & talking with students to teaching. There’s one student in particular who feels the need to provide his opinion on absolutely every topic discussed in any class, except that more often-than note he’s absolutely wrong.

It’s not that I mind stories and tangents per se, it’s that I dislike paying for an education I’m not receiving because one student and the prof decide to ruin it for everyone. I could learn much more in much less time by staying home and reeding the book, and it’s not a particularly good textbook.

…Now we’re talking about the NSA’s spying, efficacy of biometric security systems, and shoulder surfing. Please, for the love of all that is electronic, tell me how the teacher justifies spending time on this swill when the course contains: “fundamentals of PC hardware concepts, associated terminology and basic troubleshooting principles.”

[ramblingsontech]

Post-tournament Mondays at work: