rantboihours - Tumblr blog

[rantboihours]

Today was really nice with this person and I'd happily live a non sexual relationship with them until I die but I doubt they feel the same

This one isnt even a rant, just a note to myself to give up on someone. They said and I paraphrase “I like girls” they don’t want you and they never will even if it does turn out your trans in your mess of a fucking brain. Just give up for your own sake.

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I feel attacked tbh

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Woo time for me to get sad about something really stupid again, a guy just called me a weirdo infront of some friends because like 3 weeks ago I saw he was packing up shop and i thought because he was doing it alone he might like some company so I hung about and spoke to him

This guy also said I was bad friend when literally the day before I was going to our friends art exhibition which he'd been working hard on at uni and been keeping me updated and I wanted to go support them , I told him and 3 other friends who were all unaware that he even had a presentation and we all went up there to support him together which I thought was really nice but apparently that wasnt good enough :^)

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I just want my own space ... that's it if I'm honest

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Okay so apparently people who are super into the hypnosis kink have triggers and last night when I was ever so fucking casually being someones master (I'm so fucking sad and disappointed in myself like I always knew I could do this as a job I just never expected myself to do so like wtf) just casually said the wrong thing and I had them in a state of hypnotism (I think?) For like 4 hours and they basically couldn't remember a thing so that was neat :^ ) atleast during the last few minutes they were able to teach me how to get them out of it...

[rantboihours]

@me

Omfg go back to the fucking boi who's never gonna love you back because since then your life has become a fucking mess you have 2 jobs 1 being a carer and the other being the fucking guy version of a dominatrix like what actually went wrong in your life for these to be your best 2 options at work wtf

[rantboihours]

It's probably stupid to reblog your own stuff but I need this at the top of my own blog just so I keep looking back at this

This one isnt even a rant, just a note to myself to give up on someone. They said and I paraphrase “I like girls” they don’t want you and they never will even if it does turn out your trans in your mess of a fucking brain. Just give up for your own sake.

[rantboihours]

one of the most amazing things that has been said to me in therapy is that self esteem doesn’t exist.

and that floored people and the psych went onto say that what she meant was that self esteem is a concept that actually includes a vast array of things and labelling them all as one thing is really limiting and prevents actual improvement

you could have real strong pride in the things you create and hate your body

you could hate your creations but also want to share them with people

you could not hate yourself at all but not take care of yourself, engage in reckless self endangerment

thats all bundled under ‘self esteem’ but saying ‘i need better self esteem’ doesn’t mean anything

whereas if you say ‘i need to work on ways to keeping myself safe, refusing to act on destructive urges’ or ‘i want to be in a place where i believe compliments trusted people give me’

thats concrete, thats a goal.

having it said in therapy helped a lot of people in my group stop saying ‘i have low self esteem’ and start specifying about the actual issue they have

[rantboihours]

Ravioli ravioli do not try to fuck someone (even if its only a slight chance) who might be under 18

Not to b a nasty Anti™ on main but like. You know you can interact w/ media without being horny right? Especially media who’s characters are. Young with non-canon ages? You litterally don’t need to interact with every new peice media in a sexual manner, like I know it’s normal at this point but I’m imploring people to think critically for five seconds about characters who’s ages hover around 15-18 with no confirmation

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Huh it finally just hit me why I made this blog, it's because I cant really speak to anyone about my problems so I turned to the void of the internet... nice... fun... good news however I've been trying to make a song and honestly I think it could be worse :D I end up hating on the colour yellow tho which is wierd but tbh the whole song feels like l0l s0 rand0m xd humour anyway so fuck my career right

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I dont even know why I make references anymore no one ever gets them

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Omfg my family (mostly my younger brother) seems so fucking offended that I wont smoke weed or drink around and when they ask why I decided like a fucking moron I'd be honest with them being "I'd rather do that with people I feel comfortable being around" I don't want to feel unsettled if I'm fucking drunk or high that is my god damn decision like feeling comfortable around certain people should be that much of an issue and currently I just kinda wanna sit in the fetal position until I'm comfortable again like why is speaking to family the most miserable experience on the planet like they all talk about how we've all grown up together but I fucking haven't grown up with a single one of them I hid to myself and played 1 player games in my room whilst I ignored everything that went on around me , I was in care and he chose to leave me alone with them. I have no history with him , I've blocked out anything I did do with him I dont remember anything and I dont need to remember anything , I sound like an edgy brat but I honestly couldn't give a fuck. I just want a place where I can be uninterrupted unless I choose to leave when I'm comfortable ... just like a place I can happily call home

[rantboihours]

Oooohhhhh not a rant I'm just really happy, I've been feeling disgusting about my appearance all day because recently I tried to get back into grindr and I used a meme as my picture and I was getting along with people really well and every time I would eventually show my face they were either like "hey you're not my type" (which was fine tbh I really didnt mind), the only thing that did bother me is the guy who just blocked me after I sent him my face because (in my mind) I was just so gross looking he'd rather not waste time talking to me. Anyway back to the good stuff, A boy I told I liked called me lover boy and is recently been super affectionate with me and it makes me super happy ;u; I'm not expecting anything to happen because I know he isn't looking for any kind of romantic relationship at the moment but just the feeling of validation is honestly enough and I'm just really happy about it ^u^ eeeeeek

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Ffs another artist I look up to just became a fucking furry artist ughhhhhhhhhhhh I kinda just want to stop seeing furry art , also kinda wanna just disappear into abyss, I'm fucking tired

Like I don't hate the furry fandom, like fuck I've done furry art myself and even making anthro characters, I've just seen so fucking much in such a short time and honestly i feel overwhelmed by it and I really just want a break... just a moment

[rantboihours]

This one isnt even a rant, just a note to myself to give up on someone. They said and I paraphrase "I like girls" they don't want you and they never will even if it does turn out your trans in your mess of a fucking brain. Just give up for your own sake.

[rantboihours]

Okay so I know I've mentioned my teacher before and I promise you she's great but every now and again she'll say something that really bugs me like today she said "even though you don't care about yourself I know you care about other people" as if it were a fact, like I'm fucking trying to care about myself please just give me a moment and please stop calling me out for sounding sarcastic whenever I say "hewl yeah I'm great" or "I'm clearly everyone's favourite" or some other self boosting bullshit because hey maybe that is me trying to convince myself I'm actually worth something and I'm not just gonna disappear and as if my opinion actually means something but hey I guess that's not all that important : ^) God bless who would want to try to convince themselves of these things anyway right ? Ughhh I might just be tired or underwhelmed in life tbh which might also be the whole reason for me making this blog but nevermind I guess this is my free therapy sessions because I don't think I'm in need of those yet... fucking yet, yikes : ^) fun