rantdomnes-blog

[rantdomnes-blog]

Embrace challenges

having experience constant set backs in the last 2 months or better the last 5 years. I learned to embrace challenges.

To build a character of worth and success it takes humbleness to defy core believes, in the moments I felt like truly giving up to despair and react to the  next thing in my path. I took a breath looked up and saw a possibility, although remote and i felt the spark of determination to overcome whatever it comes in my way, and try again or try differently.

I am eternally grateful for my children that give me strength and power where i had only felt weakness and hopelessness, they had brighten my life, not only them by the fact they fill my life with purpose of duty, that can be translate to any area of my life.

if no for my children for the purpose of accomplishment, of knowledge of eternity, of not letting anyone else go through the challenges I went through, or the purpose that if a person happens to be in the same situation it will never be unheard.

is not only my children but the purpose of make other lives better, and shine through hardship, to show other that a live of power is absolutely possible, that average or so so people is only trying not thriving.

To my children the biggest lesson i learned through all the pain we all been through during and after the big-bang of domestic abuse, that is such a painful destructive wave that hits with harshness, destroys everything that it was. But as waves can destroy they also produce music, so find the music.

For them that have seen the dawn, I can only teach embrace challenges, accept the inevitability of the wave, you can hardly calculate where the wave will hit, but you can certainly obstruct its damage.

By seeking one’s truth and absolute wisdom of insight, know thyself: embrace the scars, the triumphs the faults, the defeats,it takes ongoing determination of seeking ones  and power in the broken and damage. 

To fly high and stand like a Fenix from the ashes, that stand tall that  learn the lesson that fly high and proud, for  there are  no ashes without been fire, and there is not evolution without been turn down to ashes.

[rantdomnes-blog]

How I tame the beast of ADHD

it is overwhelming, how ADHD operates in my brain.

This is my absolutely trial an error method of dealing with my brain.

Get organised!!

although i love people that do this planning , I truly admire them , i start a new planner every week, i forget them, i use loose papers then i loose, i never ever check this stuff, so i got a tablet, where i can write, so i got rid of all the paper work on my desk.

as oppose to

 well. this is not perfect, sometime i forgot the tablet, so i have to chain this to my bag, Is still a work in progress.

Time management-

i feel that ime, is just running like sand between my fingers away. 

II still book to activities on the same day, I miss appointments, I sometimes forget i have to be somewhere all together to remember maybe 3 days or a week after if I remember. 

I bought many watches, i try to we aware of time, but sometimes, like today, i went to the park to walk my dog, and I left my phone i the car, i got to the park at 9:30ish and i left two hours after, when i knew i had to be on an appointment at 11:30. 

so I still struggle with this one, but i have bough analogue clocks one for each room of my house, carry a watch ( but shameless at 30 i don have the habit to read the watch, so i sometimes forget even that i have the watch. shiny and fun, does the trick to get my attention.

Listening,

well this one is really hard, i got diagnosed, because i was facing so many challenges, but i recall, seen my daughter shouting, and moving my face towards her, because even she with 3 years old, could see that i was not listening really just nodding.

So now, i try to come as close to her or the the speaker, i look to their eyes. but still it feels like a hard thing to do 

where i left my phone, my keys, my brain, my head, ..

well self explanatory rhis happens ona daily bais, my solution find a place for each thing, i hope that it will return there, 

well all you can rey ally do is hope, i try i miss, today a neighbour brought my wallet he found it on the top of my car, it was at 8:00 i was actually crying because i did not find my medication, i had no idea i did not have my wallet with me. So...

I will probably buy a wallet chain. Checking right now on amazon.;)

[rantdomnes-blog]

How it feels ADHD

It feels like fast and furious movies, all of them happening and running at the same time in my brain. Well each car is a though but think about it like having all the cars of all the saga racing at the same time.

Is was hard to open up about how it feels, to my love ones but here it is my best possible explanation.

When facing danger i am unaware of it, so if i am Daniel ( biblical character that chooses to go inside a cave full of lions and leaves the cave unharmed - because knows in his hearth,  God will save him) Me i will get inside the cave and stay there because is cosy and warm, whilst everyone pointing out there are lion i there, I just feel warm and safe

I tend to take unnecessary risks, but I dint do it deliberately, i just cannot think that the lions will eat me, my focus in my brain is feeling cosy and warm, It might sound really odd this metaphor, but I had left my country and do an exchange program, everybody was astonished that i did this not knowing no one in London and just taking actions to be able to function in London, i just get this done, got my visa, arrange accommodation, and found an English course, in my brain that was it i was set to go, REALLY that was it , people i would talk about this to, would  ask me if i had planned ahead, more than that, and to their surprise i was all set and done, well that is the cave that is me going in, and that is me completely unaware.

for some people this can translate into mare idiocy or boldness, for me is standard, i took care of the necessary arrangements, i will take care of the rest soon as i am there. 

well this lovely trait of my personality, has position me quite well at university, I am good in public speaking , because i will just trow myself into the task, and get it done, and THAT Is IT!- this can be love by some with their admiration of how courageous i am, and hate by others, because well they think who the hell i think i am , well in my brain there is just two action,stand up and talk to an audience, know the subject well enough and then just TALK, well hope for the best , i wont say that always goes well, but it will an impression.

feelings

this is a alien thing for me because i think in extremes of extremes, happy or sad, angry or clam, I do not know middle grounds, so I know i do not navigate So navigate other people feelings awareness and understanding  is even harder hard, if I see this very well, I am working on it, how I see it this cat woman is my “emotional Brain” so is one thing or the other

To illustrate this i had a very good friend, that got into my life pretty quickly, and i had him in the best stem possible, he was really clever for me, really deep in his though some one I could talk to a lot, well i found myself always saving his little ass at university, he would get his money from his maintenance, get drunk at the beginning of each term, and then he would run out of money, so i would see him, and ask if he ate something, because he was visibly pale, and he would confess that all he has eaten for the last few days was plain pasta, or sometimes nothing, me in my enormous generosity, would offer to get a sandwich and a coffe for him, well this happened a lot, at least twice a week.

Well i would not get that this behaviour was bad, he was clearly uI ng me term after term, i am a mature student so does him, but i have to feed my children out of the money fr maintenance ( Loan)and i would have money for me even at the end of the terms, so why he didn't, I would not think much about it, later he found himself homeless, cashless, so i offer my house for him to leave there, well long story short, he left he did not pay the promised rent, and never helped with the bills.  So whenever people see red alert and they take a decision appropriately , i just do not see the alert signs, well the science say that this is due to cognitive distortion.

Multitasking 

my multitasking goes to another, level so whilst i am writing this blog, i am doing research, cutting my dogs nails, buying a book,, so i check and I check information, my brain get tired, distracted or hyper focus, so this is really hard to tame, for me, because i can jump from task to task seamlessly, sometimes i have to do task, as you you can guess, i left 80% of the task unfinished, sometime i just shut down, and change task completely, and end up just cooking or knitting.

[rantdomnes-blog]

How I booked an appointment and my daugthers school the same day i had booked an operation

I been diagnosed with ADHD at 30 years old, it felt such a relief like a weigth lifted of my shoulders, i really disipare a but the guilt of my poir time managment, lack of self control, mood swings, and poir performance at work and at school.

I have been taking medication for two months, I found such a relief on how it calmed me down ( yes medication means metganphetamines ussually used on the street and by some to feel high but for me with ADHD it actually calms me down) however now I have one though at the time ( yes it is a novelty for me , because accurately describe by an abid researcher on ADHD " ADHD like having a ferrary brain going at any time on the day at 200 m/h with bicycle brakes)and for some people I look a but dull and bored.

But for me I am discovering a new super power the power of CHOICE, i can stop and eeflect onmy next move before reacting to different things ( this migrh not sound like such a disruptive innovation dor anyone NORMAL with mormal brain fuctions) but for me this means a lot it mwans that i have the capability of diung better on my relationship woth others because i can choose my qords befpre finding myself already blurting somwthing out usually onterrupting what other people is saying, or i can put my effort amd finish tasks . Also u can plan ahead , because thanks to tons of research i have a new insigth on behaviours that i was never able to understand - yea i did not meant to book an apointment with the head if the school the same day i had a surgery - vecause deep down i really can easily understate or overstomate time or forget althoguether stuff.

Opening about this strugles to my loce ones has jot been easy and i have found that disapointment on their statements " well you cannot blame poor behaviour to an adhd" or " they are just trying to put you insude a box because yoyr behaviour is a bit out of order " you are stronger than this!" And so on O have heard. I listen for the first time on medication i listen to them , and i can now organize my though to rigth this lines - I feel powerfull and encourage - I am not saying forvive me sometimes disrespectfull behaviour is due to ADHD! - but sayig this diagnistic explains a lot - vecause sometimes i did not wantsd to interrupt people talking , or i did not wanted to say the fiest thing onthe top of my brain- but i ded not have a choice because i though that it was quite standar behaviour.

Well slow down has giving me insigths and the possibilitie of conect more information toguether.

So ADHD is bit abd excuse is and explanation- so people out there can chose to think anything they want - even have a stigma arounf mental health , thinking that is a box , or excuse for poor behaviou , but to that people, lack if character- But for my diagnostic i am blessed woth insigth for the first time on my life, i can acces tools to help me in my life.

So my diagnose was not a box or a tag but a manual to deal with day to day struggles that maybe only people woth mental health understand.

[rantdomnes-blog]

ADD after medication

Understanding my ADHD I for the external eye act erratically, for my friends lively bubbly and sassy, always noisy, eloquent, and driven.

Now under medication I can feel sucked out of my energy, I feel  overwhelmed of all the tasks ahead, I do not mange to mange my life in small tasks, I could  do , but I am a mom , and uncertainty and change of plans are part of my life, I am actually finding this irresponsible, from the psychiatry perspective, medication with out therapy is really daunting.

Now I  can finish tasks, stay in boring tasks that before I found boring, like reading, but I still feel incapable to organize my daily routines, to accomplish my goals.

although i am finding ,being organizing things around me, I still find really irresistible to jump from task to task, still feeling busy and accomplishing nothing,I only keep pilling obligations in my plate and doing nothing about it.

I need therapy and mentoring, is really paramount to be hold accountable for real changes in my life.

[rantdomnes-blog]

Hospital nigths

Nurse: What do you want?

Me: Water

Nurse: what do you want?

Me: Water

Nurse: Are you in pain?

Me: Yes, i still need water

after water

Nurse: What do you want?

Me: May I have something for the pain ( what I really want is to roll and sleep- please never wake me up )

[rantdomnes-blog]

Habits

To make an action repetitively in our time in this earth, the repetitiveness is somehow ingrained in our unconsciousness, this actions can be good or bad.

Habits turn  into routines, these are the building blocks of our characters. There are good habits like drink vitamins,and bad like smoking, all this actions tell who we are, they tell the story of the choices we take day-to-day.

Planed routines  are necessary to materialise the vision that one had set for the future, a stiff schedule that details the minute to minute of our days can have an enormous benefit to manage uncertainty because all  beings thrive in safety.

Feeling save improve our chances to do much better on our relationships with others  and with ourselves because catering thoroughly for our needs make us better people to be around, it even improve  the words we tell our selves, our  thoughts, our mood and worries.

Managing  time appropriately can  bring clarity of who we are, where we are heading in  our lives so we can accomplish our most dearest dreams, it can be use as a navigation map for our lives- Everyone has ask God for a life manual- the truth is that  God expected you to write your own  day to day manual yourself that is why you have a brain.

Set good habits will definitely land us to  accomplish life goals and the great news!  is that this can be done any day at any given time - not necessarily the 1st of January of each year- Thank you to neuro plasticity we can change the habits we don't like or acquire new  habits to accomplish our life  objectives.

To build habits is good to link the new actions with already existent habits. to illustrate this I used to  forget to drink my vitamins, so I left them next to my tooth brush so  I can not miss them  from my morning routine anymore.

Other  complex habits like studying  for the next day lesson, so i build the routine to start this two tasks as soon as I finish my night routine with my family and my children are sleeping, so i cannot miss my commitments.

[rantdomnes-blog]

What is #Love

Love is hard work, it actually means the conviviality of sharing with one another( in any relationship- 

It means to explain explicitly our expectations  ( take the time to explain your deep wants and needs (so... to love  know thyself! is paramount) 

Is honesty is not to have  hidden agenda.

Is kindness is been the best possible person with the loved one.

Is patience Is to never choose anger to discuss important matters to us if let down it means to   teach kindly what your needs are (Disclaimer:If he/she wrong you, criticise you, hurt you, call you names, mistreat you, shouts at you, throw things during an argument , - want to make you feel scared of him/her - Run away, move house, city, country - abuse is unacceptable.

Is generosity because it takes a lot from yourself-time, money and energy.

Love is not easy job choose carefully to whom you give such a precious effort.