rantingsinginggamingvibing

[rantingsinginggamingvibing]

Will I ever finish it?

অগোছালো ঘরের অন্ধকারে

বিস্মৃতির পায়চারী স্তব্ধ

তোমার শরীর শিহরণে মত্ত থাকা

আমার দেহের হাহাকার

সিগারেটের স্পর্শে নিস্তেজ আমার অধর

তোমার ঠোঁটেই আশ্রয় খুঁজে পায়,

আমার শরীর জুড়ে তোমার চিহ্ন আজ বারবার বলে আমায়,

ফেলে আসা সেই অতীত চিৎকার

[rantingsinginggamingvibing]

Life With a Turbulent Mind

11 June, 2023; 3:13 AM

So, apparently my brain sucks balls. I can’t concentrate, I zone out like in every five seconds, I have a horrible memory, and I don’t really listen. I don’t know how to communicate normally, I don’t know how to say no, I don’t know how to do things that I enjoy. I tend to give in to people and their choices.

I don’t know how to focus. I can’t speak my mind. I can’t let things go. I just drug the crap out of myself hoping I would feel better, but I don’t. I can’t collect my thoughts, I can’t finish my tasks, I still didn’t finish the song I have been writing for the last few weeks.

Is it just my ADHD? My anxiety? Something else? How the fuck do I fix myself? Is there something wrong with me that I don’t know? I just expect my life to be like clockwork. Like, if something doesn’t work, I look up a manual, carry out a command set and it has to be able to sort things out. I know it doesn’t work like that. But I also don’t know how it works.

How do I fix myself? How do I make my life like a clockwork?