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raribella · 2 months

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reblogs are just the most special thing in the writer world omg this was so sweet and reassuring to read thank you!!!

the lobster part was probably my favorite one to write and the most genuine idea from the movie – I love this movie so freaking much, and I’m absolutely living for the fact that some of you are also loving that scene!!! 🦞🤍

To Say “I Love You” Right Out Loud | JJ Maybank

summary: JJ revisits his childhood and how he grew up with you through every side of life until he finally understands why this makes you so special

pairing: JJ Maybank x Routledge!reader

genre: fluff, a spark of angst

contains: a combo of “Both Sides Now” by Joni Mitchell and Love Actually (2003), mentions of death and child abuse. John B and JJ are childhood friends in this. I don’t know how to write dialogue. Drug usage (beer, weed).

word count: 6k

author’s note: I was immediately triggered by Joni’s astonishing performance at the Grammy’s and by remembering that the song is in one of my favorite movies. This is my favorite fanfiction I’ve probably ever written and I put so much time and love into this I really hope you like it.

This is a work of fiction. I do not own the characters of Outer Banks nor any characteristic of the show. I am writing this story solely for my own entertainment and the marvel or comfort of any readers.

Rows and flows of angel hair, and ice cream castles in the air; and feather canyons everywhere. I looked at clouds that way. But now they only block the sun, they rain and they snow on everyone; so many things I would have done, but clouds got in my way.

College had finally ended. They had finally done it. Against all odds and contrary to the expectations of others, the pogues were finally free to embark on their own paths. And so, they gathered for one last celebration, a bonfire near the Cat's Ass, surrounded by shotguns, snacks, and reminiscing in the familiar feeling of just being together.

Spreading themselves along the space at the Chateau's yard, most of them ended up divided the comfortable water at the tub and the warmth of the fire, their laughter mingling with the sound of running water as they shared stories of what each of them could remember of their time roaming the Outer Banks as this fearless gang; the sentiment of each flashback was being intensified from the time they spent apart. As they were the pogues, it was not like their time together was abruptly interrupted, but the responsibilities and the minor distance happened during college, and they couldn't run away from it's effects; but the memories of those days seemed tattooed into their hearts and minds as they could recall every moment in lighthearted detail.

In a corner of the Cat's Ass, JJ found himself lost in a sea of memories, surrounded by the comforting embrace of his friends. You sat beside him in the water, the coolness soothing against your skin, while Cleo and Pope nestled comfortably at his other side. Outside, John B, Sarah, and Kie laughed and joked, their voices carrying on the night breeze. As he watched them, a faint, nostalgic smile tugged at the corners of JJ's lips, his heart heavy with the weight of their shared history, thinking back on how far they had come. They had started as a trio—himself and the Routledge twins, bound together by fate and circumstance.

The tree of you lay sprawled out on the sand for what seemed like hours, your eyes tracing the ever-changing shapes that danced across the sky. Castles, pirates, turtles—your imaginations ran wild, weaving tales of adventure and intrigue as you watched the clouds drift lazily overhead. At nine years old, you had joined your brother and JJ just a few moments ago, after spending the afternoon at a friend's house watching a Christmas movie, "Love Actually," with her mother.

As you settled into the sand, JJ couldn't resist a playful jab at the movie, dismissing it as a "dumb chick flick." his mind still floated between that child-like distaste of girls and the appreciation of you tagging along with him and John B back then. You swatted at him, your tiny arms barely reaching his chest, but it only elicited a smirk from the blond pogue. It was nice for you to actually share a moment with a nurturing figure at the absence of your own mom, who had just recently left for Colorado. Besides, you had eaten a whole bag of M&M's that she bought for you to share and you really liked the movie, even if it was funny how sometimes Mia's mom would tell you to close your eyes, your ears, or how sometimes you didnt really catch why she was laughing at some weird scene. You just rolled your eyes and brushed JJ's comment off, suggesting the sky gazing then relishing in the opportunity to spend time with him and your brother.

Your days were often filled with moments like this, carefree and full of laughter, the sound echoing against the backdrop of crashing waves. JJ's mother would eventually come to fetch the three of you, ushering you inside for sweet treats and cozy nights spent squeezed together in JJ's tiny room. Or you'd spend hours playing in the grass, watching as the river met the sea, until Big John's bell rang out, signaling the end of another day. You would get home covered in dirt, JJs hair color nearing yours and your brothers, so you would have a nice shower and come out to your dad telling treasure tales and making you hot chocolate.

One day, as Big John finished building a set of three swings for you, JJ's parents arrived. Standing side by side, the couple had brought beer and peanuts to complement what your dad already had inside for the night. That day, you were playing for hours, your small frame struggling to mount the swing until the duo stepped in to help. John B had made a mess while trying to help you hop on, and JJ stepped forward to push you, but in excited haste, he pushed too hard, and you tumbled to the ground, scraping your knee. As your first cry pierced the air, the adults rushed to your side, JJ's mother soothing your pain with stinging medicine and comforting words.

In the corner of your eye, you caught sight of JJ, guilt etched on his face as he watched you wince in pain. But your brother nudged him, urging him to shake off his guilt and claiming that this was just a mere blip in the larger scale of the adventure you lived today.

And as the sun began to dip below the horizon, casting a warm golden glow over the beach, Luke took charge, setting a bonfire ablaze near the ancient tree in the backyard. The flames flickered casting shadows that stretched out against the sand. You gathered around the fire, marshmallows in hand to be skewered and toasted, laughter filled the air and echoed into the night. The hours slipped away unnoticed, so as the night wore on and the fire burned low, reluctantly, you bid farewell to your blonde friend as he left with his parents.

The life you lived was simple; living in the less fortunate side of the island, you couldnt really enjoy much more than moments like these; the food wasn't fancy, the drinks weren't expensive, your houses weren't pretty and big, so you relied mostly in home made playthings and your own imagination, but you were happy that way; the youthful innocence made all the diferences between you and the kooks be seen with rose coloured glasses, and while in the company of your brother, your best friend, and the team of parents that you saw as guardian angels, it all just seemed warm. It seemed like it would be fine.

One day, though, just as the sky turns cloudy at the end of summer, signaling the onset of storm season, JJ's demeanor shifted, casting a shadow over his usual brightness. At fourteen now, he had been seeming distant and preoccupied at school for weeks, until one day after class, he reached out to you with a heavy heart. Fidgeting nervously, his hands clammy and cold, he confided in you about his mother's illness, the weight of the words hanging heavy in the air. Knowing how much his mother meant to you both, he sought solace in sharing his burden with you, trusting you with his vulnerability. "Mumma's sick, I think... been in the hospital for a while now," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "But I can't visit because I'm not sixteen yet... I- I wanted you to know, but you can't tell John B." And as you hugged him, you promised to keep his secret, the first one you kept just between the two of you.

And as JJ clung to you and John B in the solemn silence of the cemetery, the stark reality of their loss weighed heavily upon you, casting a shadow over your once bright and colorful world.. JJ's mother's absence lingered like a specter in their home, his father grappled with the weight of his grief, seeking solace in alcohol and spiraling into a downward spiral of despair. The once vibrant hues of their family life began to fade, replaced by the darkness of addiction and aggression. JJ watched helplessly as his father's temper flared more frequently, his outbursts leaving scars both physical and emotional. The sanctuary of their home became a battleground, each day a struggle to navigate the minefield of his father's unpredictable moods.

In the aftermath of his mother's passing and the turmoil within his home, JJ withdrew into himself, building walls around his heart that even his closest friends struggled to breach. He became increasingly unreachable, his once vibrant presence dimmed by the weight of his grief and the scars of his father's aggression. Some days, he would disappear altogether, only to reappear with a purple eye hidden beneath dark glasses, a silent testament to the struggles he faced behind closed doors. And when he did show up, his demeanor was somber, his face etched with a perpetual frown as he rejected activities he once enjoyed. Even cloudgazing at the beach became a source of frustration for JJ, as he lamented the impending rain or the end of summer, his words tinged with bitterness and resignation. As you and your brother looked on, helpless in the face of his pain, you could only watch as JJ retreated further into himself, the vibrant colors of his spirit muted by the shadows that engulfed him.

The tension crackled in the air as you confronted JJ, frustration bubbling to the surface like a storm about to break. "Why won't you just watch 'Love Actually' with me, like, once? It'd help distracting you, y'know!?" you demanded, your voice tinged with exasperation. "You can't keep avoiding fun, JJ. You can't lose hope and light just because things are tough."

But JJ's response was sharp, his tone laced with bitterness. "Those things are for kooks, y/n" he retorted, his words heavy with the weight of his pain. "Pogues can't afford to indulge in luxuries like love and hope. We have to focus on surviving you know."

Your heart sank at his words, feeling the distance between you grow with each passing moment. "If you really look for it, JJ," you countered softly, your voice barely above a whisper, "I've got a sneaky feeling that love is all around. Even for us Pogues." But JJ's expression remained hardened, his walls firmly in place as he turned away, the gap between you widening with each step he took.

John B stepped in a while later, his voice calm but firm as he defended his friend. "He's been through a lot," John B interjected, his eyes meeting yours with a mixture of empathy and understanding. "Give him time, he'll come around. I know he will."

But despite John B's reassurances, the weight of your worry and frustration bore down on you like a heavy burden. Unable to contain your emotions any longer, you sought solace in the arms of your father, tears streaming down your cheeks as you poured out your heart. "I didn't mean to be petty," you sobbed, your voice choked with emotion. "But I'm just so worried about how Luke has been treating JJ. I miss him, Dad. I miss the way things used to be." And as your father held you close, comforting whispers soothing your troubled mind, you cried yourself to sleep, longing for the comfort of simpler times and the warmth of JJ's presence by your side.

A few days after the heated exchange, JJ found himself drawn to the familiar solace of the beach. As he laid alone on the sand, the rhythmic sound of the waves echoing in the background, he cast his gaze upward, chuckling at the shifting shapes and colors of the clouds above. Yet, amidst the tranquility of the moment, a pang of longing stirred within him.

Reflecting on recent events, JJ realized that he had begun to see clouds from two distinct perspectives—from the highs and lows of life's tumultuous journey. But amidst the solitude, his mind drifted to an understanding; to how he seemed to have looked at clouds like this from two different perspectives now, from up and down, and still he would recall better colorful and elusive memory of your company. He remembered the joy of pointing out funny shapes at the sky with you and your brother, laughter echoing into the vast expanse. It was a memory painted in hues of warmth that contrasted with the darker shades of recent events. In that fleeting moment of recollection, JJ yearned to return to that moment exactly, to say sorry, at least. And alone at that same beach, he felt like he had a perspective of a future for the first time in a long time. He wanted to see if he truly knew clouds at all, or if there was a new side to it.

JJ was abruptly brought back to reality by Pope's punchline of a memory of his own; he was retelling the story of how he met Cleo at college, and how she wouldn't have passed half her subjects f it wasn't for him. As the group erupted into laughter, he did the same to mask the fact that he had zoned out for a minute, but JJ's gaze instinctively sought yours, his heart yearning for the comfort of your smile. And as his eyes met yours, a warmth spread through him, his thoughts drifting to another memory

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels; the dizzy dancing way that you feel as every fairy tale comes real. I've looked at love that way. But now it's just another show, and you leave 'em laughing when you go. And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.

At sixteen years old, you had a full understanding of the dizzying, electric sensation that washed over you whenever JJ emerged from the sea, his board in hand. It was a feeling that stirred deep within you, igniting a spark that refused to be extinguished. Yet, despite the intensity of your emotions, uncertainty plagued your heart. You couldn't decipher JJ's true feelings for you; for every significant gesture or word he offered, there was an equal measure of aloofness or distance.

There were moments when JJ's actions spoke volumes, leaving you breathless with hope and anticipation. But just as quickly, he would retreat into himself, leaving you to question whether his affections were genuine or merely fleeting. And then there were the times when he would disappear into the crowd at a kegger, his attention captured by another girl, leaving you to grapple with the ache of unrequited longing.

Fearing the consequences, you kept your emotions hidden from your brother, John B, despite his keen intuition and suspicions about your lingering glances. Instead, you found solace in the companionship of Pope and Kiara, the only other pogue girl. Your friendship with Kiara blossomed rapidly, providing a safe haven where you could confide in her about everything, including the complexities of your feelings for JJ, seeking her guidance and understanding.

In December of that same year, a vivid memory remains etched in your mind—the day JJ was meant to pick you up from work and take you to the Chateau to meet up with the rest of the crew. Kiara had proposed the idea of a secret Santa, with the stipulation that the gifts could only be candy or chocolate—She herself aiming to guarantee that she'd get a bag or two of Sour Patch Kids. As you exited the souvenir shop, clutching your own "Paradise On Earth" cap, you spotted JJ waiting for you by the Twinkie—the van John B claimed would be safer than the bike. With both hands hidden behind his back, you shot him a questioning look. "Hello?" you greeted tilting your head slightly to the side, to which he responded with a playful smile, feigning surprise at seeing you. "Oh, hello ma'am, your carriage is right here!" he exclaimed, extending his arms towards the open door of the van, one hand tightly clutching something that piqued your curiosity. Hopping onto the Twinkie, you couldn't help but wonder about the mysterious object as JJ closed the door and took his place behind the wheel.

During the ride, JJ attempted to coax the name of your secret Santa out of you, but you remained tight-lipped. Upon parking the van at the Chateau, he sat in silence for a few moments, and you studied him intently. "Oh, before I forget," he said non-chalantly, reaching into his pocket and offering you the object he had been concealing—a ceramic lobster adorned with a tiny Christmas hat, clearly crafted by him. "This is for the nativity scene you keep in your room, I just didn't have time to make the other one..." he explained, a hint of nervousness in his voice as he confessed that he hadn't received your name for the candy exchange but couldn't bear to leave you without a gift.

You stood in awe for a moment, marveling at the thoughtful gesture and the evident reference it held. JJ's apprehension melted away as your eyes met his, a radiant smile spreading across his face. "Wait, wait, wait... Are you trying to tell me that there was more than one lobster at the birth of Jesus?" you quoted, teasingly. JJ rolled his eyes playfully, completing the reference with a loud "duh!" his laughter mingling with yours as you stepped out of the car into the moonlit night, making a lighthearted entrance at the Chateau and eliciting a knowing look from Kiara towards John B.

As time passed, you welcomed Sarah into the fold, introduced by John B with starry-eyed affection that spoke volumes of their budding romance. With the dynamic between her and Kiara settled, John B wasted no time in proudly declaring their relationship to the group—a declaration met with hugs, smiles, and lighthearted jokes about not hurting each other.

One day, Sarah suggested a surf trip to a lesser-known beach nestled between Figure 8 and the Cut, its pristine beauty a sight to behold with crystalline waters and powdery white sand. As you surfed the afternoon away, basking in the warmth of the sun, you found yourself sprawled on the sand along with the rest of the group, supporting yourself on your elbows and catching your breath as you watched JJ roll a joint with practiced ease. "I like this shit," JJ declared, his voice tinged with a hint of defiance. "We can be neglected misfits or whatever, but I love leading this life with you guys. I don't even care about what people think of me! "long as I have a board and you guys, 'm gonna be saying I'm rich... Especially if I have this!" He gestured towards the joint, his words met with cheers from the group.

Your smile started weak but grew as the group cheered. In that moment, you felt a sense of family, and your appreciation for JJ weighed heavily on your chest. Despite the challenges, he had found a way to see life in a positive light, even after Big John went missing. As the wind blew sea salt into your eyes, you turned your face toward JJ. "Yeah, yeah… you know, I keep saying it… but if you really look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that—"

"Y/n, if I hear that quote just one more time!" Sarah interrupted, and the others joined in with her lighthearted protest.

With time, JJ's behavior became increasingly perplexing since after sharing moments like this, he would leave you alone, retreating into the company of the other Pogues with a suddenness that felt jarring and awkward. His focus would shift, his attention consumed by their own banter, leaving you to wonder where you fit into the equation.

It was during these moments of isolation that doubts crept in, whispering of insecurities and unspoken fears that lingered just beneath the surface. Wondering if you did something wrong, you couldn't help but feel a pang of longing as you watched JJ immerse himself in the dynamics of the group, his laughter mingling with theirs as you stood on the sidelines, a silent observer to a world that felt increasingly distant and unfamiliar.

One morning, as you shuffled through the Chateau's corridors, the aroma of breakfast lingering in the air as John B shuffled through the kitchen, you noticed JJ's door ajar. You peeked inside with the intention of wishing him a good morning, only to be met with a sight that shattered your makeshift reality of him. JJ hovered over another girl in his bed, their closeness echoing a betrayal that left you speechless.

"Hey, whoa! Sorry!" His voice softened as he realized it was you, not your brother, at the door. The shock on your face was palpable as you hastily pushed the door closed, shaking your head to dispel the image burned into your mind. Stumbling down the corridor, you muttered a distant "morning" to Kie and Pope, who were still groggy on the couch, woken by the commotion.

Throughout the day, both JJ and yourself moved in a state of flustered avoidance, exchanging glances laden with sheepish guilt. JJ's eyes mirrored the remorse of a caught wrongdoer, but you couldn't summon anger; instead, you carried the weight of hurt and confusion, grappling with the realization that he wasn't yours to claim.

As the day waned and the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the Chateau, you found solace on the hammock. With the remnants of the day lingering, you confided in Sarah about the events, the words tumbling out as the weight on your chest grew heavier. The hammock cradled you in its gentle sway as another day ended, leaving you to confront the tangled emotions that now clouded the once-clear skies of your friendship with JJ.

JJ vividly remembered June of the following year, with your birthday fast approaching. Usually, you wouldn't stop talking about how much you loved having your birthday during the summer, and everyone would plan something special to mark the occasion. Kie and Sarah would always get you fancier gifts, like a new top or necklace, while the boys made sure there was a cake to share, probably under the tree lights at another night spent at the Cat's Ass, chuckling at the stupid name JJ had given to the tub.

But this year was different. You and the girls wouldn't stop talking about this idiotic touron, Jeremy, who had apparently flirted with you when you helped him at the store. Now, your attention seemed solely focused on him, much to JJ's annoyance. He rolled his eyes and huffed aloud whenever Jeremy's name was mentioned, with Pope nudging him to keep his cool.

"He's gonna take me to a summer fair," you grimaced, looking into the mirror as Kiara clasped a necklace around your neck. Sarah and JJ hovered on the kitchen counter, Pope sat on the couch, and your brother leaned against the doorframe of your room with a protective frown on his face. John B always believed you and JJ would end up together, and he felt safe with that perspective because he knew and trusted JJ. But that didn't happen with Jeremy.

Across from him, you, Sarah, and Kie giggled with scenarios and provocations, "What if he brings you a giant teddy bear and tries to win you a goldfish?" Kiara teased, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

Sarah snickered. "I can already picture it!"

Meanwhile, JJ fought to keep a frown from appearing on his own face. He was unwilling to let you know how he really felt about the situation, and he avoided giving his jealousy away to his friends. As you exited laughing with the guy in his car—a godforsaken Jeep, for crying out loud—JJ was still unknowingly clenching his jaw, his mouth twisted in a disgusted frown.

Sarah, the only one still outside by now, smiled to herself and snuck up on him before reaching a hand to pat his back. The gesture was meant to silently convey far more than his poisoned mind could grasp at the moment.

He chuckled at that memory; you had to endure a girlfriend of his own during college, and he watched as two or three other guys broke your heart as well—he wanted to go out there and punch them every time, but preferred that only John B externalized that thought. From those memories, he realized he had looked at love from both sides of it with you, from give and take, but years later he wasn't so sure if you'd be keen on the idea of him ever again. JJ turned to you in the tub, whispering, "Where's that lobster I gave you that Christmas?" You were a bit taken aback by his sudden recall but smiled back, mimicking the tone of his voice, "Been keeping it on my bookshelf all year long now."

John B and Sarah were now playfully arguing about the two perspectives from when she joined the group, with Kie tagging along to remind them of how they had to make amends beforehand. It made JJ come back fully into the scene. As he looked around, he realized they were sitting in couples, at least Pope and John B, and he held back a nostalgic smirk at the thought of how his younger self would react to both his old friends now "pussy whipped," stuck in relationships and breaking the "no pogue on pogue macking" rule—he didn't know love at all.

He was different too, at least Kiara said so, coming at him a few days ago before graduation with a whole "you've changed, became more yourself and know how to separate what you went through from what you are, I'm so proud you're opening the surf shop—but please make it eco-friendly" speech. It was nice to look back and realize how his years and moments with the Pogue family kept balancing out all the rest. Now he would open a sick surf shop, Poguelandia flag above it and all, right in the corner from the souvenir one you worked since you were fifteen—he didn't know if you had bigger plans than that after graduating though, but that was an uneasy thought he preferred to ignore.

Tears and fears and feeling proud to say, "I love you" right out loud! Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life that way. Oh, but now old friends they're acting strange, and they shake their heads and they tell me that I've changed. Well something's lost, but something's gained, in living every day.

Kiara was the first one to leave, claiming that this was really good and that she knew that with the pogues there were never really goodbyes, but that she had an early morning tomorrow with a sea-turtle project. Then, as the fire died out and the minutes turned into hours, the two couples left as well. Pope and Cleo claimed that they still had to shower before going to bed, and John B only snuggled with Sarah, pushing her towards the house. As the couple giggled, JJ noticed from his peripheral vision when you jiggled your eyebrows at Sarah, but the blonde only winked at you, pointing at the both of you at the tub before turning back. You sighed, distancing yourself from him now that you had more space in the water, and JJ held back a smile as the tree lights illuminated your pink cheeks. At twenty-two, he felt just like a teenager in that moment.

There were a few quiet minutes then, you were looking intently at him, drawing each of his features with your eyes as if trying to tattoo the image of his wet torso on your brain, but JJ didn't notice; he was lost in thought, provoked by being alone with you again. JJ realized that ever since he could remember, even though your brother was his de facto best friend and even as the group grew larger, you were there. For every phase and every belief that each one etched into him, you were there. As he looked at both sides of life, at win and lose, you were right beside him, either winning and losing as well or just supporting him emphatically through it.

Somehow he could always just recall how his pogue life acquired a rose-colored filter with you in it; he'd recall life's illusions with you at his side. You were there. You were it. And he didn't know his next step at all, but he wanted you in it; ached for it even.

He feigned cold as an excuse to get you both out of the tub, grabbing the one towel thrown onto a chair and wrapping it around you as you exited as well. He threw a familiar, amicable smile in your direction to disguise how he was, again, lost in his own train of thought. A hand rested on the small of your back as he led the two of you to the Chateau. As you got to the front porch, the other reached for your pulse gently, trying to stop you from entering. JJ became conscious of how he was dripping onto the wooden porch, but he didn't care, calling you by your nickname in a low voice. He was acting fast, planning something but also acting instinctively, intending to speak just from memory.

"Hey, uhm..." he stopped himself again as your eyes locked onto his, growing a little bit nervous now. Your eyebrows shot up expectantly, and some of your hair was sticking to your wet face. You'd be the death of him.

"With any luck, by next year, I'll be going out with one of these girls..." Your brows pinched, and eyes flashed with recognition as JJ shuffled his phone, some drops falling from his hair onto the screen before he turned it in your direction with a picture of Kendall Jenner and sliding his finger so it would also show one of Giselle Bündchen. You laughed, gulping expectantly.

"But for now, let me say, without hope or agenda, just because we finished college— even though it's at Christmas that you tell the truth." You chuckled again, but felt like you were hyperventilating, unable to believe that this was really happening to you. Much less that JJ Maybank had memorized a scene from the "dumb chick flick" you obsessed with since you were a mere child. You battled with your own feelings as you tried to let him finish.

"To me, you are perfect, and my wasted heart will love you until you look like this..." He shuffled again with the tiny screen, a smirk on his face as he turned it to you. A photo of a very old and wrinkly woman made you chuckle. Under it, it read "former surfer lady turns viral as she advises to the risks of not wearing sunscreen." You couldn't hold the cackle that left you at that, not even worried about the rest of the group sleeping inside the house, which made JJ smile widely as well.

"Oh my God! Oh my God, I love you..." A loud sigh met a sob halfway as you looked up, feeling pounds lighter after saying so naturally something you had been burying for years, feeling absurdly proud of just that. "I love you so much, what the fuck! I've loved you forever." You beamed at him again, relief written all over his face as he said it back proudly. "I'm sorry for the wait; it wasn't on purpose—Swear it." He grabbed both your cheeks as you laughed, smiling from ear to ear as his face etched closer to yours by the second. Your noses were touching already when he whispered in a low tone, "fuck, y/n..." as your mouths glued together longingly.

The world seemed to fade away as your lips met, a rush of warmth spreading through you as if the sun had risen inside your chest. JJ's touch was electric, sending shivers down your spine as his hands cradled your face gently, his fingers tracing the curve of your jawline. Every moment felt like an eternity as you lost yourselves in the kiss, the taste of saltwater, beer and weed mingling with the sweetness of the moment.

For JJ, it was as if everything he had been holding back, every unspoken word and hidden feeling, was finally pouring out into this one embrace. His heart raced in his chest as he kissed you, his mind buzzing with the realization that he had found something truly precious in you. It was a moment of pure, unadulterated bliss, a culmination of years of friendship and longing finally coming to fruition.

As you pulled away, breathless and flushed, JJ's eyes bore into yours, filled with an intensity that took your breath away. In that moment, you knew that nothing would ever be the same again. You had crossed a threshold together, stepping into a new chapter of your lives filled with love, laughter, and the promise of a future together. And as you stood there, wrapped in each other's arms, you knew that this was just what you wanted; like you were made for just that.

"I don't even want to come inside, I don't wanna-" you said, sighing mid chuckle, "don't wanna do anything right now, God, JJ, I'm like in a haze!" He clung to you, chuckling, his hands going to your arms, your neck, your hair—he wanted to touch all of you. "Always have the hammock..." he suggested, and you rushed your way there as if just walking would make you lose any time with him.

After you spent a while staring at the stars in the sky, listening to the chirping of crickets in between small, sloppy kisses, JJ sleepily muttered "I feel like I'm fucking high right now," you both laughed "like I'm floating—life accomplishment kind of thing." you swatted at his chest, lightheartedly telling him to stop being silly before readjusting in the wet towel that served as a blanket for the two of you.

Wrapped in each other's arms, you drifted off to sleep, the sound of the river running to meet the ocean lulling you into a state of contentment. In that moment, nothing else mattered except the warmth of JJ's embrace and the soft rhythm of his breathing. It was a moment of pure bliss, a fleeting glimpse of perfection in an imperfect world.

The warm rays of the morning sun gently kissed the faces of the sleeping pogues as they stirred awake, the sounds of birdsong filling the air. Stretching and yawning, they emerged from their makeshift beds scattered across the Chateau, the pull-out couch and matresses on the floor.

As they gathered outside to clean the space free of empty cans and wrapping paper, rubbing the sleep from their eyes, John B's gaze was the first one to fall upon the sight of JJ and you nestled together in the hammock, still fast asleep. He nudged Sarah first, but soon a collective smile spread across their faces as they exchanged knowing glances, a silent understanding passing between them.

"About time," Pope muttered under his breath, eliciting chuckles from the others.

John B grinned, looking at Sarah. "Looks like our boy finally made his move."

Sarah rolled her eyes playfully. "Took them long enough," she teased, but there was genuine warmth in her voice.

Kiara smirked, crossing her arms, she showed a satisfied facade even though she was jumping inside, bubbling with happiness for the both of you; the sparkle of her eyes being hard to hide. "Well, better late than never, I guess."

With a chorus of laughter and gentle ribbing, the pogues left JJ and you to enjoy your moment together, the feeling was that their little family had just grown a little bit stronger. You had woken up the moment the front door banged back against it's frame as it closed the first time, but feeling JJ's chest under your head, you decided to just keep your eyes closed, fighting a grin to show on your face at your friends' commentaries. You were home. And you only wanted to know life now if it was by JJ's side; especially if he'd be scratching your hair like he was doing just now, half a smile on his lips—"Did I take that long?" he questioned, jokingly.

"A lifetime."

If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love, actually, is all around.

#jj maybank one shot #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank x routledge!reader #jj mayback imagine #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x pogue!reader

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raribella · 2 months

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the Outer Banks, paradise on earth.

Love Is Embarassing. | JJ Maybank | 2,7k | angsty

although JJ had promised your brother he wouldn’t ever hurt you, you saw him kissing Kie while you were on a break.

To Say "I Love You" Right Out Loud | JJ Maybank | 6,1k | fluff, friends to lovers

JJ revisits his childhood and how he grew up with you through every side of life until he finally understands why this makes you so special

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raribella · 2 months

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U like Joni Mitchell?? She’s like my no1 I love her

I actually have only listened to Both Sides Now because of the movie but I absolutely loved her songwriting style and her grammy performance gave me literal chills, if you have any song in mind you’d like me to listen to I’d love to get any recommendations! 🎀🤍

JJ Maybank Joni Mitchell fic 😍

#jj maybank one shot #jj maybank angst #joni mitchell #jj mayback imagine #jj maybank fluff

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raribella · 2 months

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Y/N AND JJ SITTING ON A TREE SHE’S HIS LOBSTEEERRR

The Phoebe reference kinda just made the fic SHINE even more in my heart I love u anon mwah!!!!

JJ x reader lille lobster fic 🦞

#jj maybank one shot #jj maybank angst #jj mayback imagine #jj maybank fluff #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank smut #jj maybank x you #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank x y/n

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raribella · 2 months

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To Say “I Love You” Right Out Loud | JJ Maybank

summary: JJ revisits his childhood and how he grew up with you through every side of life until he finally understands why this makes you so special

pairing: JJ Maybank x Routledge!reader

genre: fluff, a spark of angst

word count: 6k

"Y/n, if I hear that quote just one more time!" Sarah interrupted, and the others joined in with her lighthearted protest.

Sarah snickered. "I can already picture it!"

"About time," Pope muttered under his breath, eliciting chuckles from the others.

John B grinned, looking at Sarah. "Looks like our boy finally made his move."

Sarah rolled her eyes playfully. "Took them long enough," she teased, but there was genuine warmth in her voice.

"A lifetime."

If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love, actually, is all around.

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raribella · 3 months

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OBX 3x04 - The Diary

Not to gif the entire scene, but this one is so good (aren't they all?). The way that Kie checks with JJ if he's in the right space to talk. His expressions and difficulty with vulnerability, but really trying for her.

Kie looking heartbroken when he says to call a truce. The slight linger with the handshake, and the attraction pulling between them before JJ breaks it. And the music.

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raribella · 3 months

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Are There Still Beautiful Things?

summary: inspired by taylor’s “seven”, follow JJ and reader through snapshots of their lives together.

warnings: mentions of the death of a parent, mentions of excessive drinking, mentions of abuse

word count: 9.9k

a/n: hellooo & welcome to my first fic :) some of this had been previously posted in parts, but after evaluation i realized this needed to be heavily edited & worked better in this format. this fic has a special place in my heart, so i hope you enjoy reading as much as i enjoyed writing it. (p.s, happy obx 3 eve!)

SEVEN

please, picture me in the trees, i hit my peak at seven feet, in the swing over the creek, i was too scared to jump in but i, i was high in the sky with pennsylvania under me … are there still beautiful things?

JJ Maybank thinks the last time he was truly, truly happy was when he was seven. At such a young age, anything seemed possible. The sky was the limit and the ocean was their backyard. He had his mother and his father, and even though it leaked sometimes, a roof over his head.

And he had his friends, his favorite people in the world. John B, who he had been sat next to on the first day of second grade and was now inseparable from, and y/n, the girl whose mother was his mother’s best friend, who he had known his whole life.

It was always the three of them, getting into trouble together and spending nearly every moment with each other. You rarely saw one of them without at least one other, and even at such a young age, it was clear they had a bond some people spent a lifetime searching for. They were lucky, and people liked to tell them that.

In their younger days, one of the moms (or more often, both of them together) would often take the trio around. Watching at the beach while they learned to surf, the parks while they played until red in the face, treating them to dinners at the local establishments, or ice cream on those extra hot and intolerable days.

But their favorite was camping in the backyard. They would set up a tent and a bonfire, and roast s’mores and stare at the stars.

JJ’s mom had a particular affinity for the mystery that hung above them and would spend hours teaching the kids everything she knew. She loved the moon, she would tell them everything she knew. She liked to talk about the phases and what they meant, what kind of full moons they were in store for soon.

But Saturn was her favorite, she would talk about any chance she could.

Did you know it’s actually a big ball of gas? That it would float in water?

The ring is made up of ice and dirt and bits.

It’s windy up there.

It takes twenty-nine earth years to revolve around the sun.

Time must move slowly up there.

And they let her talk too. And they listened to every word. They listened to the tales and myths and theories of space until they couldn’t fight the sleep back, and their eyes of wonder became sleepy, slowly blinking at the woman in front of them.

“Goodnight,” She’d say to the three of them, and then she would lean in close to JJ, and leave a kiss on his little forehead.

“I love you to the moon and to Saturn.” he would fall into sleep with a smile on his face.

Nights like that were always beautiful. Memories like that were beautiful.

JJ couldn’t help but wonder; without them, was there any beauty at all left in the world?

FOURTEEN

sweet tea in the summer, cross my heart won’t tell no other, and though i can’t recall your face, i still got love for you your braids like a pattern love you to the moon and to saturn, passed down like folk songs … the love last so long.

The summer they were fourteen, JJ’s life changed. His mother passed, and he was never the same after it. It seemed like the entirety of the outer banks was aware of the light that had been lost.

y/n and her parents were right alongside Luke and JJ. None of them knew what was in store without her. Filled with anger, sadness, regret, and guilt, they all knew that she had so much more to give. Life was not kind, life was not fair, and although they all knew it, they never thought that they would get a reminder quite like this.

JJ stood in between his two best friends, y/n’s hand in his, she was struggling too, but she was holding back. She knew she had to be strong for JJ, she had lost someone special, but he lost his mother, and that was something that he would never get back, something that could never be replaced.

That night y/n stays with JJ, and they end up outside the same way they used to, but without a bonfire tonight. Tonight they stare in silence at the night sky, both thinking about all the things JJ’s mom had told them about the stars and planets above.

“I keep thinking she’s on Saturn,” y/n says, suddenly, the thought slipping out before she can think about stopping herself.

“What?”

“I keep thinking about Saturn, how much she loved it.” She clarifies, “And I keep thinking how happy she must be to finally see it.”

There’s more she wants to say, but figures it’s nothing that JJ hasn’t already heard. What can she say, really? When she catches his smile, the first she’s seen in weeks, she leaves it at that. She’s said all she needs to.

“Yea,” he said, wiping a stray tear. “I bet she is. I like that thought.”

And he meant it. The thought of his mom, an angel on her favorite planet, he didn’t think there was any other explanation.

FIFTEEN

JJ’s fifteenth birthday creeps up, and y/n had worked extra to get him a special present. She had seen it in one of the windows of the fancy boutiques on figure eight and immediately ran in to look at it, begging the store owner to hold it for her after seeing the price on the tag. It had to be JJ’s, she knew it the moment she saw it.

So two weeks later she returned with money collected from babysitting and delivering groceries, the proudest smile on her face. Bringing it home and exchanging the chain for a longer silver one before wrapping it up neatly.

Everyone gathers at the Maybank home on the day of. John B and his father, y/n and her parents, and Pope and Kiara, who the trio had recently befriended.

Luke had even put in a little effort, putting up some simple birthday decorations he had bought from the dollar tree. It wasn’t very much, but all JJ cared about was that everyone he loved was there with him. JJ was happy, but there was a lurking sadness in the back of his head. This was his first birthday without his mom. There was an empty space that would never be filled, no matter how hard he tried. And he was trying very hard.

Despite the weight of loss, it was one of the best days JJ’s had in a long time. Luke had set up a slip-n-slide for the kids, really just a tarp with some water and some dish soap but the kids didn’t care. He grilled hamburgers and hotdogs and even stocked up on more sodas than they needed. y/n had made a cake and John B helped her decorate it. It was sloppy, but it was theirs, for JJ.

y/n had waited until later to give JJ his present. She found him still sitting at the outside table with his hand on his chin, looking up into space like he always did.

“There you are.” She says, siding into the seat next to him. She follows his gaze up toward the night sky.

“Looking for Saturn?” she asks.

“Always am.” He answers sadly despite the small smile on his lips.

She doesn’t say anything, only matches his sad smile with one of her own, and holds out the box shyly.

“Happy birthday Jay.”

He takes it gently, looking at her with a look neither of them can register yet. He leans into her a bit, nudging her softly before tearing at the paper.

When he opens the box his smile drops, and suddenly it feels like he can’t breathe, he feels caught off guard as his emotions blindside him. He had no clue what to expect but this certainly wasn’t it.

y/n sees his reaction and it feels like a gut punch. Why had she gotten him that?

She felt so certain it belonged with JJ but seeing him look so upset now she just felt stupid.

“JJ, I’m sorry, I can bring it back, I just thought … if you don’t like it I’ll take it back.” She tries to explain herself and reaches for the box, but he jerks away from her when she tries to take it back.

She freezes, confused now. He doesn’t catch her reaction, still looking at the necklace in his hands.

“I think I’m forgetting her.” He finally says, voice barely above a whisper, like he was scared to say it. Like this was the first time he was admitting it to himself.

“I’m scared y/n, it’s only been a year, and every day I’m scared I’ve lost another piece of her, what if I’m forgetting her?” And then he’s crying before he can stop himself, sobbing almost.

He clutches the box to his chest like he’s scared to let it go, like letting it go would be the end of the world for the second time.

y/n pulls him in, a few tears of her own falling, thinking of all the things she would do and the things she would trade to take away his pain.

“JJ… you’re not going to forget her, okay, I promise you. All you’re doing is healing, trying to learn to live a normal life without your mom, something that no child should ever have to do. You have so many memories of her, you have so many stories and pictures. You're a piece of her. When you’re older you’ll pass the stories on, and people who never got to know her will know her. And when you're older, older, you’ll tell your kids about their grandmother, the woman who was as strong as a hurricane and soft as a butterfly all in one. You won’t forget her JJ, you can’t when you’re part of her.”

She talks him down, and once he subsides he sees the truth in her words, he trusts her so he trusts what she’s saying wholeheartedly.

“You promise me, y/n?”

She holds him tighter

“Cross my heart JJ.”

“Okay,” He says, sitting up from her.

“Okay?” she questions, wiping the last few tears from his face “because you don’t have to be.”

“I know, but I will be.”

She smiles at that, she knew he would be, even if he didn’t fully believe it, he was the strongest person she knew.

She nods towards the necklace “so you like it then?”

He nods. “I think this is the best present I’ll ever get.” And finally pulls the chain out of the box, staring at the clip confused as he tries to figure it out himself.

y/n laughs, making a motion for him to come closer.

“Here, I’ll do it for you.”

She undoes the clasp and wraps it around his neck, closing it again before adjusting, the charm settling just above his heart.

Her fingers linger on the charm, smiling at the memory, the meaning of it.

“Now you have your own Saturn, always with you.”

His hand closes on hers.

You are my Saturn y/n, he thinks.

But instead, he wraps her in a hug, “wanna camp out tonight? I’ll get John B to come back, the three of us like old times.”

She nods in his arms.

“Always.”

That night the three of them all felt like things had gone back to normal, even just for the night both John B and y/n were glad that JJ could feel some type of relief, even if it was fleeting. They knew in the morning things would go back to the way they were, and JJ would struggle a little bit more than the average person, but if they could just give him a couple of hours, it was worth it.

And finally, when they’ve retired to bed and settled in their sleeping bags, JJ and y/n had the same thought running through their minds as they fell asleep.

I love you to the moon and to Saturn.

And JJ swears he felt something press against his forehead that night, exactly like old times.

SIXTEEN

and i’ve been meaning to tell you, i think your house is haunted, your dad is always mad and that must be why, and i think you should come live with me and we can be pirates … then you won’t have to cry, or hide in the closet and just like a folk song, our love will be passed on

The summer they were sixteen was one they had been dreaming about what felt like their whole lives. Finally old enough to roam freely, exploring all the nooks and crannies unsupervised. The trio had now officially graduated to a group of five, and now they took on the world with Pope and Kiara by their sides.

It should have been a dream. Granted, most of the time it was, but there were nightmares constantly lurking in the corner. JJ didn’t want to admit it, but he was pretty sure he had finally lost his father.

Luke Maybank was never the same after his wife died, but for a while, he at least attempted for JJ. He tried, he really did, to be there, and be something for JJ. But he was losing himself, and in the past year, he was slipping further and further away, turning into someone that even y/n’s parents, who had known him for so long, didn’t recognize.

The drinking was getting out of control, and the hitting started not too long after. When he was sober, he was sorry, but eventually, it became a rare occasion to find Luke Maybank sober

So JJ’s normal became sneaking around his own house, avoiding the last of his family, seeing how many family dinners at y/n’s he could get invited to each week, and saving everything he could from his oddball jobs to get out as soon as possible.

He didn’t like to talk about it, in fact, he never did. He let the pogues think whatever they wanted to and never gave them a real answer when they asked. As far as he was concerned, they didn’t need to be concerned about him, he’d be leaving soon anyways.

But y/n knew. She watched like she always did, she was observant. She watched his eyes get that faraway look whenever he rattled off his latest excuse and the way his smile would fall when he thought no one was looking. She watched him and knew he was hurting more than he would let on.

She had gone to his house to find him but only found Luke instead, and what she saw scared her. She did not recognize the stumbling drunk man looking back at her. And he didn’t recognize her either. The girl he had watched grow up next to JJ, the girl he had roasted countless marshmallows for when she was scared of getting too close to the fire. The girl he made pancakes for in the mornings and the girl he lit fireworks for on the fourth of July. None of the memories registered, he had run her off his property like a stranger had just trespassed.

It was when y/n knew that for the second time, JJ’s life had changed. The knowledge tormented her for weeks. She hated the small piece of her that still felt sympathy for Luke, he was a broken man with plenty of reason to be. She was holding out hope, that something good would happen to JJ.

But when JJ showed up with a black eye one afternoon, blaming it on a group of kooks, she knew she had to say something. She spilled half-truths to her parents, although she suspected they picked up on the unspoken story from the tears in her eyes.

“I’m just - I’m worried about him. I just have this feeling that things have been, I don’t know … harder than normal lately.”

Her parents had sensed the shift too, all her confession had done was confirm the suspicion. Her mother told her then that JJ was always welcome in the home, and her father told her he would try to talk to Luke the next day.

And that worked for a little bit, JJ had visibly perked up and for a minute things seemed like they were back to normal, and y/n was waiting for the right to tell him what she knew but it seemed Luke had beat her to it.

She had been waiting for him at the beach, but her smile immediately turned to worry when she saw him storming up toward her.

“What the fuck y/n?” was the first thing out of his mouth, and now instead of worried she was panicked realizing his anger was directed towards her.

“JJ, what-” But before she can get anything else out he’s talking again.

“What did you do? What did your dad do? What’s with all these cryptic messages of watching us and threatening to take me away? I mean what the fuck, what does that even mean? Take me away? Away from what, my home? My father, my only family I have left? How could you do this to me?”

Her face pales immediately, her head shaking.

“JJ, that is not what happened, that’s not what he meant -”

“So then it’s true, he did come by?”

“Yes but he didn’t threaten your dad JJ, he -”

“You know what y/n, I don’t care. I just came to tell you to stay out of it. I don’t know what you think you know, but my dad and I are fine. We don’t all have a picture-perfect family to go home to at the end of the day.”

His words stung, leaving her nearly speechless. “That’s- that’s not fair JJ. You are family.” She chokes out, but he was already walking away.

“What if it was me?” She calls out, frustrated.

He stops, and she keeps going. “If I were you, and my dad was putting his hands on me. If I started showing up with marks and bruises, wouldn’t you do anything to protect me?”

“I don’t need you to protect me y/n.” And that’s the last thing he says to her before walking away.

JJ’s not around for the next couple of weeks, and it drives y/n up the wall not knowing where he was, or what he was up to.

She spends time with the pogues, but she’s never fully there at any time, part of her mind was constantly on JJ. She finally broke one day and told the pogues to please go find JJ and make him go out on the boat with them. They tried to argue with her but she told them that she was pretty sure that if he didn’t blow off some steam soon, he was going to start getting into trouble, and it wouldn’t be good for him.

She gave them space for a few days, and just assumed that they had picked up JJ and got him out of the house for a bit, so she nearly lost it when the pogues finally confessed that they hadn’t seen or heard from JJ since they had been tasked to go find him.

“Are you sure he’s not at the house?” she asked “Sometimes he just won’t come out, or if you ran into Luke then -”

“He wasn’t there, and we didn’t see Luke either. We checked inside.” Pope answers.

She could feel herself panicking.

“Why did you say something sooner?” She stressed, looking mostly at John B.

He looks down, away from her gaze. “You know how he is y/n… and you were already worried enough. We thought he’d turn up soon, he always does.”

She shakes her head, “maybe, but haven’t you noticed that when he does there’s always a new bruise?”

The three of them exchange looks while she closes her eyes, taking a breath and trying to think for a moment.

“Okay, why don’t you guys go check some of our beach spots maybe? There are a few places I can look and just keep me updated if you find him and I’ll let you guys know too.”

They part ways and y/n knows she’s going back to check the house first. Even if he had left, he was never gone from the house long, there was too much to leave behind.

She parks a little way down from the house, she hadn’t been back since the day Luke had yelled at her and if she was being honest she was still a bit scared. She crept up to the house carefully, freezing she hears shouting, the noise becoming clear once the door swings open.

“Boy, I tell ya, that’s just about the funniest thing I think I’ve heard you say.” y/n hears him laughing maniacally.

“You’re not going anywhere, you won’t leave her, you know you won’t. You’re stuck here, just like me.”

Luke stumbles off towards a trail and y/n waits until he’s out of sight before dashing into the house, finding it still and quiet. She wonders for a moment if Luke had been talking to himself the whole time, not finding it entirely impossible considering how drunk he seemed.

And then y/n is suddenly realizing that the last time she had been in this house was JJ’s fifthteenth birthday, and she was suddenly very aware of how empty it felt. It had lost the warmness and comfort it once held, feeling more like a ghost town than a home now. She felt out of place, which was something she never, ever thought she would feel in the Maybank home.

She notices a slightly open closet door at the end of the hallway, and she swore she could hear sniffling, muffled cries like someone tucked away and hiding in there.

“JJ?” she called out, and when it suddenly went silent again, she knew, rushing over to the door and opening it delicately.

And there JJ was, curled up in himself, knees up to his chest and a photograph in his hand. She knew exactly what photo he was looking at, and she immediately dropped next to him. She didn’t know what to do, she didn’t want to scare him, but looking at him broke her heart.

So instead she starts talking.

“I remember that day.” She says. “That was one of the fourth of July parties, we were all there, even John B and his dad. And this was the year the full moon lined up with the holiday, and your mom was so excited, she talked about it all day and got us excited too. Our dads bought way too many fireworks like they always did. And we ended the night with s’mores, of course, because it wouldn’t be one of our nights without them. You always were so messy. There she is again, cleaning you up.”

JJ falls into her then, and y/n catches him like she always does, and always will. She has tears too, staring at the picture of an innocent JJ, a smile plastered on his face, stacked s’more in hand, staring up at his mom who he loved so much, with no idea he was going to lose her in the next few years. And there was his mom too, beautiful as always, her own s'more in one hand and the other attempting to wipe the sticky marshmallow from his mouth, laughing because she knows it’s useless. But she was his mother, so she would try regardless.

She wraps him up in her arms, her grasp firm so he knows she’s there but not tight enough to hurt him.

“I know why you won’t leave. I know why you won’t leave him, why you always come back. You’re holding on to that last piece of normal. It’s okay, it’s okay to hold on, but not when it’s hurting you like this. This house is full of memories, but it’s haunted and full of pain too. I would never ask you to leave what you know, but please just come with me for tonight, maybe a few days at most.”

JJ has always trusted y/n, so even now, when he was upset and jumbled with emotions he trusts her.

She lifts them both up gently. “Let’s get some spare clothes, okay? I can pack them for you if you want.”

They both walk into his room but he makes no effort to pack. Instead, he picks up another photograph that was sitting on his dresser before sitting at the end of the bed. Without saying anything else she grabs one of his duffle bags, and starts putting in a few extra shirts and shorts, and even grabs a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt just in case. When she’s finished he’s still staring at the photo like he’s in some kind of trance.

She throws the bag over her shoulder and reaches her hand out to JJ. That seems to break him out of his state a little, standing up and pocketing the photographs. He takes her hand and they walk out of the house together, out to her car.

She pulls into her driveway, and they walk into the house together and up to her room.

“Why don’t you shower and change?” She can tell he’s still dazed, and she’s hoping a shower will relax him.

While he showers she makes her way back downstairs, her parents are out of town for the next few days, so she figures she’ll cross that bridge when she gets there. She does, however, text the pogues, realizing just how long it had been since they all began looking for JJ. She keeps it simple and just lets them know that he’s okay and with her for now.

And then, she makes two sandwiches, one for herself and one for JJ, because she knew he wouldn’t eat if he thinks she had made something especially for him. When she walks back up the stairs into her room, JJ is already out of the shower and changed. He looks up when she walks in and she lifts up the plates of sandwiches slightly.

“Eat with me?” she asks.

They sit and eat the sandwiches in silence, and when they’re both finished she runs the plates back down before returning with two classes of water.

“Okay,” she says after a few sips. “Just try to get some rest, okay? I’m going to shower, but I’ll be quick.”

Long after the shower turns on, JJ is still hesitating and realizing how stupid their fight was. All that he knows is that he missed y/n, and now he was here with her, everything felt like maybe it would all be okay.

He had just made it under the covers when the water shut off, and a few minutes later y/n came out, not hesitating to lay down in the bed beside JJ. It didn’t matter that they had been fighting, or not speaking, or had not seen each other in the past few weeks. They would always be there when it was needed.

“I’m sorry y/n,” he says suddenly. She had thought he had fallen asleep.

She shakes her head, even though he can’t see her.

“It’s okay.”

He rolls over, and now they’re both on their back, staring blankly at the ceiling as if staring long enough would make it disappear and show them the night sky just on the other side of it.

“But it’s not.” He starts, “You were just trying to protect me. And this whole thing has been so stupid - I’ve been so stupid. I didn’t like that, us fighting, us not talking. It just feels like … a storm sometimes. In my head, and it scares me when I’m not in control.”

His hand finds hers in the dark, “I know you were just trying to protect me. I was just mad at myself because I feel like it’s my job to protect you, and I wasn’t doing that.”

She squeezes his hand. “Maybe it’s not okay…” she starts, “but just know I understand, and that I’m always going to be here.”

She looks at him then, reaching up and finding his chin, turning it gently.

“And we protect each other, okay?” There’s a desperation in her voice that he picks up on. One that he understands, deeply.

He gives her wrist a soft squeeze, “okay.”

Then he’s curling into her, and she lets him. It’s silent for another moment before y/n breaks it this time.

“JJ?” she says quietly.

He’s barely awake but he still answers her with a tired “Mhm?”

She hesitates, “to the moon and to Saturn.” She backs out, but the unspoken meaning is still there.

He smiles.

“You are my Saturn.

EIGHTEEN

please, picture me in the weeds, before i learned civility, i used to scream ferociously … any time i wanted

y/n blinks and suddenly it’s graduation. She’s never been happier, a swirl of excitement and pride all in one stirring in her stomach. For herself and everyone but mostly for JJ. Things had been okay enough, but no one could deny the hand JJ had been dealt. He faced it every day, the sideway looks and the backhanded comments and the flat-out insults. But he had done it, proved them all wrong.

Luke had even made it to the ceremony, sitting tucked away in the back as he watched his son walk the stage, and afterward y/n eyes them as they had a conversation before finally parting ways.

JJ runs over to the rest of the group, scooping up y/n and spinning her around, cheering and causing a scene.

“We did it, we’re done!” He’s yelling, “we’re free!”

They continue to chat for a while and joke around, taking photos until the parents are all satisfied before parting ways with plans to meet back up at the beach later in the night.

JJ goes home with y/n and her parents, where there’s a small celebration set up for the pair. They eat cake and flip through old scrapbooks and photo albums. He’s happy, but there’s a sting in his chest, wishing his mom was there.

He imagines briefly, what it would have been like had his dad never changed, if he would have been there in the living room with them, or if he would have had his own afternoon planned. He decides not to dwell on it, instead, he wraps his arms around her from behind on the couch. He focuses on her, and her parents, the photo album of past memories. He understands he’s still lucky.

It gets later, and before JJ and y/n leave for the beach her parents call them into the kitchen again, they have something for JJ. He blushes at the statement, although he tries to hide it. He’s handed a small box and is shocked when he sees a silver key sitting inside.

“We hope we aren’t overstepping,” your mom starts, “really, it’s a bit overdue but we just thought - we just want you to know you’re welcome here anytime.”

Her father places a firm hand on his shoulder when he sees JJ getting choked up, “just if you ever need anything. Hell, if you ever just want to come bother us. You know you’re family.”

He laughs a bit, trying to lighten the mood, shaking his head, “Aw man, now you guys got me all emotional.”

Then he looks up at her father, “thank you, really.” And then he turns to her mother too, and she pulls him into a hug that he gladly accepts. “This means a lot to me, really… I don’t … I don’t know what I would’ve done without you guys. Where I’d be… just, thank you.” He tells her.

“You don’t need to thank us, honey. We’ll always be here to take care of you.”

The moment passes, he pulls away, clearing his throat in an attempt to hide his emotional state and he turns to y/n. “Alright, soaps over.” He announces, “you ready to go?”

They make their way to the beach, talking about summer along the way. JJ keeps listing all the things he wants everyone to do together before it’s time to part for school.

They find a spot on the beach, sitting and talking about how strange it is to be done with high school, and the future. Everyone is leaving, even John B. But JJ and y/n decided to stay close to home, not ready to leave yet.

“After college,” he says, “that’s when it’ll be time to go.”

“You would leave Outer Banks?” She asks, slightly shocked.

“Yea.” He says, confused as to why she was so shocked at his statement

“I’ve always said that, why the face?” He questions.

She looks down, realizing that he was right, he had always said that. She never thought about it in detail, never pressed him on it. Maybe she thought all this time that he never really meant it. Everyone always says they want to leave their hometown but how often did they really?

“nothing it’s just, something I heard Luke say once.”

She catches the way his face drops and she tries to backtrack

“No, no, it was nothing bad I promise. I heard him say ‘you know you won’t leave her’ and I don’t know, it’s just the only thing I’d ever agree on with Luke. That you wouldn’t leave your mom behind, and I understand that. You could build something better, be something better.”

He has a pained look on his face, his hand reaching up to the Saturn around his neck.

“Did you mean what you said, about me being a part of my mom?”

She rests a hand on his shoulder, “of course I did JJ. Everyone knows. You’re the best parts of her.”

“Then it won’t matter where I go. She’ll always be with me.”

Then the look on his face turns into a smirk.

“Besides,” he starts, “it wasn’t my mom he was talking about.”

y/n pulls her arm back from JJ’s, retreating into her own space.

“Oh.” She says simply, starting to wonder who would keep him tied here.

The only other girl he really had in his life was Kiara, and they had been awfully close this past year. She had even gifted him a locket for his seventeenth birthday and it now sat right next to his Saturn charm. It took everything in her not to ask what it was, her curiosity was killing her but she respected his privacy more. But truthfully, y/n couldn’t blame JJ even if she wanted to. Kiara was special, she wouldn’t want to leave her either. She didn’t want to leave any of them.

And then y/n started to realize that she always thought it would be her and JJ. Whenever she imagined the future, JJ was there too. She was realizing that maybe it was selfish of her to just assume he’d always be there. She knew he had dreams of his own, and who was to say that she was involved in any of them?

“Hey now,” he starts when he notices the change in her demeanor, grabbing at her face and pushing at the corner of her lips, playfully trying to force a smile.

“Why’s my y/n so sad?” He says with a pout, putting on a dramatic voice like he’s talking to a hurt child.

She pushed his hands away, trying to look annoyed but failing miserably, not being able to control the smile that follows her laugh.

“Well I’m sorry, my best friend just dropped a bomb that he has some mystery woman he’d follow to the ends of the earth. I guess I’m just a piece of moldy bread to you now, huh? I’ve been replaced.”

She overplays her sadness, saying it dramatically, but truthfully deep down a part of her is hurting at the thought.

His hands have moved to the side of her face.

“Come on now y/n, you’re supposed to be the smart one.”

She places her own hands on his, turning her head to the side slightly in question.

“Oh my god y/n,” he laughs, “are you going to make me say it?”

She remains silent, her face reflecting her deeper confusion, wondering what he was on about. She honestly felt like she had missed something, feeling like he had moved on to a whole new topic all together.

“It’s you, you big dummy!” He exclaims, shaking her a bit to emphasize his point.

Suddenly y/n is shocked and embarrassed, moving her head down, trying to hide from JJ’s gaze.

He laughs again and pulls her in, “I would never leave you y/n. You’re stuck with me.”

She doesn’t reply, but she doesn’t need to, instead, she lets him tuck her into his chest. Her eyes land on that locket of his, and she can’t stop her fingers from playing with the charm.

Then suddenly his hand is running up her arm and grabbing hers.

“Why don’t you just ask already?” He says and she immediately freezes. “I know you want to know.”

She still doesn’t say anything but she shrugs her shoulders a bit. Yes, y/n was dying to know what was in the locket but part of her also felt it was an unspoken line that she shouldn’t cross. It was Kiara that had given it to him, so it was probably something that meant a lot to the two of them, and she didn’t want to pry at their relationship.

Of course, he would tell her if she asked but she never let herself.

“Just open it y/n.”

She looks up at him, still hesitant. But the look on his face reassures her, so she pinches open the locket and immediately smiles when she sees the photo inside. That photo from that fourth of July all those years ago, sitting with his mom on the banket, marshmallow all over his face. She can’t help the bittersweet tears that prick at her eyes, thinking about all that JJ had accomplished, and wishing more than anything that his mother had been there to see it.

Then silently JJ reaches up and opens the locket the rest of the way, and when y/n sees the photo on the other side it feels like all the air has been sucked out of her. It’s a photo of him and her from when they were little, looking like it’s from the same night. There they were, standing next to each other with wide eyes and beaming smiles, sparklers in hand. Trails of light surrounded the sparklers, the children unable to keep them still.

And that was when y/n knew. She knew that it would always be the two of them, somehow and someway. She knew that she would go wherever he wanted or needed to go at the drop of a hat and that he too would follow her without hesitation. And most of all she knew she was lucky. She knew how lucky she was to have someone like JJ in her life.

She closes the locket with tears in her eyes, and rests her palm on his chest, feeling his heart beat wildly. When she finally looks up she sees him tearing up too. She reaches up and wraps her arms around him, holding onto him tightly and he does the same.

“I love you JJ.”

He squeezes her tighter for a moment.

“I love you too y/n.”

And maybe the words meant more to both of them. It seemed like over the years that the lines between loving platonically and loving romantically had blurred. Best friends, soulmates, twin flames, they were always something to each other. But the one thing that they did know was that they had time. They had so much time to figure it out and neither were in a rush to figure it out. What they were now was good, who were they to question it?

TWENTY-TWO

sweet tea in the summer, cross my heart won’t tell no other, and though i can’t recall your face i still got love for you, pack your dolls and a sweater, we’ll move to india forever … passed down like folk songs our love last so long

It’s Friday night and the Fourth of July. y/n has been cleaning the apartment all day, needing everything to be perfect. Everyone lived busy lives now, but they were coming tonight to celebrate. She even decorated. A few balloons tied to chairs and red, white, and blue streamers hanging from the doorway.

She hears the front door opening but doesn’t look up from the counter she was wiping down.

“Are you still cleaning? It’s just the pogues y/n, relax.”

“I know,” She says, folding the last blanket and placing it on the edge of the couch “I just want it to be nice. It’s all going to be so different soon.”

There’s a beat of silence and a bittersweet tension hanging in the air.

“Why are you home so late?” She asks, changing the subject quickly.

He lifts the grocery bag in his hand, “beer” he says simply.

She rolls her eyes. “JJ, we have plenty of beer.”

She starts walking towards the kitchen and JJ trails behind her, pulling the pack of beer out of the bag.

“Oh y/n, you can never have too much beer.” He places the pack in the fridge and then starts taking out a few more items.

“Plus, we can’t do the fourth without our favorite.”

She smiles at the contents on the counter, “how could I forget the s’mores?”

JJ turns back to her and puts his hands on her shoulders.

“Because you’re in overdrive, and stressing yourself out. Go take a nap before they get here. You’ve been up all day and I know you had a late night, you’re tired.”

“No, I was going to make some snacks and -” She protests.

“You don’t need to make anything, Kie said she’s bringing dinner from The Wreck.”

“Well, what about the fireworks?”

“John B has it covered”

“What about -”

JJ cuts her off again, “everything is done y/n, we’re ready for tonight. Go rest.”

She pulls him in, wrapping her arms around him.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

She looks up at him, admiring him for a moment. It was something she caught herself doing often, and if he noticed he never commented on it.

College had been kind to JJ. Once he got a handle on it he thrived in the freedom of it. They were coming up on a year since graduation, and JJ had since shed his childlike habits. He was still himself, the light of the party and loud and still sometimes impulsive but underneath it all, he was a man now. It was evident in the way he carried himself now, broader and more confident. He took his life seriously and was happy to do so.

She smiles up at him, “I’ll take a nap if you come with me.” And when she looks at him with those eyes of hers, JJ simply cannot resist.

“Okay, come on.”

They walk over to the couch, JJ picks up the blanket and unravels it before laying down.

“JJ! I just folded that.” She says, slightly irritated but laying down nearly on top of him anyways.

He only rolls his eyes at the comment, dropping the blanket over them and wrapping his arms around her, y/n melting into him as soon as he does.

Minutes of silence pass, and JJ thinks she’s fallen asleep until she speaks up.

“Are we sure about this?”

“y/n, we’ve spent months talking about this. I promise you we’re doing the right thing, okay?”

She sighs, knowing deep down that he was right, so she lets herself relax and catch up on the much-needed sleep.

-------

Hours later and the night has finally begun. They’re all sitting in the living room, chatting. JJ and y/n exchange a look, and they know it’s time.

“Alright guys, we have something to tell you all.” Her smile is spreading, but she still turns to JJ for reassurance. He takes her hand in his and the pair turn back to the group.

“We’re moving.” They both spit out at the same time.

The other four drop their mouths in shock, it wasn’t the news they thought they were getting, but it was still enough of a bomb to catch them completely off guard.

But the speechless shock only lasts a brief moment before they start bombarding the pair with questions.

“Okay, okay!” y/n shouts, trying to calm all the voices talking over each other.

“San Francisco, California. That’s where we’re going. I got a job offer and JJ found a few places hiring where he can teach surfing lessons.”

Kiara and Sarah are nearly jumping from excitement, pulling her into a hug.

“y/n, that’s amazing!”

“Congrats, baby!”

“When do you have to be there?”

y/n’s smile drops and she pulls away.

“Well, that's the thing…” She starts, glancing towards JJ again, and that’s when he steps in.

“Our lease for here is up at the end of this month anyway …”

“You’re moving across the country in less than a month?”

“We didn’t think it was going to move this fast but things just seemed to line up that way…”

...

After the excitement and explanation, they’ve migrated into two separate groups, the boys still lingering in the living room.

“So that’s not the announcement we thought we were getting tonight,” Pope says, nudging JJ.

JJ looks at him confused, “what do you mean?” He asks.

“He means,” John starts, sitting up, “when are you gonna ask y/n to marry you?”

JJ nearly chokes on his drink at that, even spitting a bit of it out.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He asks, “we’re not even dating.”

The other two glance at each other for a moment before back at him.

“What?”

“What?” The other two echo back, just as confused.

“And I thought two of my best friends moving across the country was going to be the biggest news of the night,” John says, taking a swig from his beer.

“What have you two been doing the past five years then?” Pope asks.

“We’re just … She’s my best friend, you guys know that.”

“But aren’t you guys more than that?” John asks. “You know, you could have told us you’ve been dating since high school and we’d believe it. You really aren’t together?”

JJ shakes his head, trying to explain what he doesn’t fully understand himself.

“No, not like that. We’re just… we’re JJ and y/n. Like we’ve always been.”

The other two share a small laugh.

“What?” The blonde asks.

“It was never JJ and y/n,” Pope answers. “It was always jjandy/n.”

“Have you guys really never?” He pries. “... At all? Anything? This whole time? Have you talked about it ever?” Pope continues as JJ shakes his head.

“No… we haven’t, we’ve never had to. I just know I’m always going to have her, and she’s always going to have me. We’ve never questioned or talked about how or in what way.”

“But what are you going to do if she meets someone? If you meet someone? Will you move out? Do you two even know how to function without the other?” Pope spits the questions out at a rapid-fire, genuinely curious.

“Of course, we can function without each other, we aren’t codependent.” JJ sighs, taking a breath, “I don’t know what’s going to happen if we meet people, we’ve never had that problem. She’s never mentioned guys past a hook up so I don’t know.”

“And what about you? What if you meet a girl?”

“I don’t know! Good god, what’s with the third degree?”

“You’ve seriously never thought about the future?” John presses.

“Not in, that sense I guess.”

“Okay, here, close your eyes. Don’t give me that look, come on just close them.”

JJ rolls his eyes but does as he’s asked.

“Okay, now, imagine yourself five, maybe even ten years from now. What do you see?”

“I don’t know… I just - I just see y/n.”

…

In the kitchen, Kiara and Sarah are giving y/n a similarly hard time, although it seems to be phasing her a little less.

“You know we totally thought the two of you were going to tell us that you were finally engaged, right?”

y/n rolls her eyes at Sarah, jumping up onto the counter to sit, “I’ve told you guys, we aren’t even dating. I don’t know where you keep getting that.”

“Still?” Sarah nearly shouts, “You guys still aren’t dating?”

“Ha!” Kiara cuts in before y/n can reply, “You owe me ten bucks.”

“Oh, so you guys are betting on us now?”

“Sarah’s betting.” Kiara says, “I’m making a profit.”

The other two are still standing, leaning against the counter inches away from y/n.

“What have the two of you been doing this whole time?” Sarah starts asking. “I thought for sure after we graduated college the two of you would finally get together.”

“They’re their own thing, Sarah, I keep trying to tell you.”

“But you guys are basically together, aren’t you? Is it just a ‘we don’t want to put a label on it’ thing?” Sarah presses.

“No, we aren’t together romantically at all. As I’ve said, I don’t know why it’s so shocking to everyone whenever I remind you.”

“But do you want to be?” Kiara asks, shifting the tone of the conversation a bit.

“I don’t know.” She says quietly, thinking it over.

“I mean, Sarah is right you guys have been together for, well your whole lives really. You guys are moving across the country together. The two of you are pretty much starting your lives together. What if he brings someone home? What if you meet someone?”

y/n just shrugs, starting to feel the tingling of emotions.

“To be honest with you, I don’t like to think about it. I mean I’ve dated here and there, and I know JJ has too but it never became anything serious for either of us.”

That day on the beach all those years ago had been enough to hold her over. The thought of always being together in some way, but now that they were getting older and a new part of life was starting, would that hold true?

“I just know I want him in my life.” She continues, “I mean, I think part of me always did think that maybe we’d end up together but… I don’t know I just, I guess I just want to make sure we’re together because we want to be, not because we’re all we’ve ever known. Sometimes I get scared that we’re holding each other back, that there’s something or someone we’re missing out on.”

She looks back up at the two girls, shaking her head at her emotions that seem to be building up.

“But most of all I just want him to be happy you know? I need to be prepared if it’s not with me. I guess I don’t know. I don’t even know what I’m saying.”

Sarah places a hand on y/n’s shoulder comfortingly.

“No, we get it. I think a lot of this is just anxiety from the move, from this big life change coming up. I can tell you, the one thing that’s never going to change is you and JJ. You guys are absolutely not holding each other back. Trust me, one of us would have said something if we were worried.”

“You can’t see it from the outside.” Kiara jumps in. “It’s not always bad to have someone like you have JJ. Never once have either of you held each other back. You’ve always brought out the best in him and he’s always brought out the best in you.”

“You really think so?” She asks, looking between the both of them.

They both nod, pulling the girl into a group hug best they can, just as the boys are walking back in from the living room.

“Hey!” JJ immediately shouts, walking over to the three girls. “Which one of you made my y/n cry?”

Sarah wordlessly moves from her side and next to Kiara, making space next to y/n for JJ to slide into, sending a look to Kiara at the words my y/n while doing so.

“Kiara was telling me a story about work.” y/n says quickly. “You know how I get about the turtles.”

“Oh yes,” He says, lifting a hand and wiping away the few tears, “that would explain it.”

“What about you boys?” She asks, nodding at Pope and John as well, “What were you all gossiping about, huh?”

“John was telling me all about the fireworks he brought. You ready to go light ‘em up?”

She jumps down from the counter excitedly.

“Yes, let’s go!” She says, grabbing the large plate that contained chocolate and graham crackers in one hand and a large bag of marshmallows and skewers in the other.

The rest of them follow the pair out, watching as JJ takes the plate from y/n so she doesn’t have her hands full.

“Okay,” Sarah says, “I’d put money on a year from now.”

“Oh my god, Sarah,” Kiara says, giving her a playful shove.

The rest of the night is good, y/n makes sure to take a moment to let it sink in, all their smiles and all their laughs.

They set off fireworks, and sparklers, throw poppers at each other’s feet, watch the boys run from one another with roman candles in hand, and JJ and y/n eat their weight in s’mores. The night runs longer than intended, especially since the girls decided to bring the alcohol back out.

Finally, long after the night has settled and everyone has lingered for as long as they can, the group starts to say goodbye to each other. Dishes and trash are brought back inside, excess fireworks and belongings collected, and goodbyes dragged out until JJ and y/n are left in their apartment.

y/n lets out a long sigh, feeling the night and the drinks and the reality of them leaving catch up to her. It felt a lot more real now that they had told their closest friends.

JJ notices her lingering by the door and tugs her gently on the arm.

“Hey, you wanna sleep with me tonight?”

She nods silently, a grateful smile on her lips.

“Go change and meet me in there, okay?”

She moves a little bit slower than usual, weighed down by exhaustion, doing the bare minimum to get ready for bed, simply changing her clothes and brushing her teeth lazily before pulling her hair up and walking to JJ’s room.

He’s just climbing into bed and she follows without hesitation, curling into him. She thinks about how easy it is with JJ, or maybe natural is the better word. Everything just is with him.

He notices the way she’s holding his hand tightly and to her chest.

“Hey,” he starts softly, “you know if … if you’re second guessing this whole move, just say it and we’ll stay. Or… just tell me and I’ll stay.”

“No,” she says quickly, holding him even tighter now. “It’s not that…” She pauses, trying to gather her words and her courage.

“It’s just, you know that I love you, right? But do you know that I love you?”

JJ thinks he can’t breathe and worries for a second that his heart beating as fast as it is can’t be healthy. He wonders for a moment if he’s already fallen asleep and if this is all just a dream.

Because this is the moment he’s been waiting for his whole life.

“I’m starting my life with you. Moving all the way across the country… away from our home, our family, and our best friends. But the thing is, as hard as I know it’s going to be … I don’t care. Because I’ll be with you, JJ. I’ll have you. I don’t want anything else. Anyone else. I never have.”

It’s more of a confirmation than anything else.

There’s a moment of silence, and she holds her breath. Then another, while JJ tries to find his words. His mind races, processing her precious words. Pieces of their life together flash through his mind.

He’s crying before he can stop himself, overwhelmed.

“Just… come here.” He says desperately, pulling her in and locking her into his hold.

“You’re going to make me cry.” She says, muffled in his chest.

If it was anyone else, maybe the tears would be alarming. She would’ve read the situation differently, and taken it as a rejection.

But it was JJ. And tonight is more of a confirmation than a confession.

He pulls her even closer, tightens his grip in hopes of emphasizing his words, and just how much he means it.

“I never told you outright, but you had to have known, right?… that it was always going to be you? I’ve never been good with my words but I hope I’ve shown you. I hope you’ve felt it this whole time. How important you are to me. How much I love you.”

She escapes his grip, pulling away only so she can see his face.

“I have never felt anything but loved by you JJ.”

And then JJ blacks out he thinks. Or maybe it was just a mind-numbing rush of adrenaline. Or maybe it was natural instinct that had been lying dormant this whole time, just waiting for the right moment.

Because one second he was staring at her glossy eyes, and the next his lips had found hers.

Finally.

It’s soft and slightly desperate, dizzying and intoxicating.

A sensation that both of them had been the feeling they had simply been waiting for their whole lives.

They only break away to relieve the burning in their lungs.

“Say it,” she begs softly, a little out of breath and a little drunk on JJ.

His mind is in a haze, a smile still adorning his lips as he tries to get back to hers. “I love you.”

“No,” She says, pulling on him to get as close as possible, “the other one. Tell me again.”

He doesn’t even hesitate, knowing what she means in an instant.

“You’re my Saturn, y/n.”

She smiles into his chest, “again.”

His hand finds her cheek, guiding her face to look up at him.

“You are my Saturn.”

“Never stop saying it?”

He kisses her again, then pulls her back into his side, tucking her into the spot that she’s always belonged in.

“Never.”

#i cant breathe #this is so beautiful #seven is so jj coded #prettiest jj fic ever ever #jj maybank x you #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #obx #obx fanfiction #allis' recs

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raribella · 3 months

Text

promise | jj maybank

gif creds to it’s respective owner ! <3

SUMMARY: after confessing your feelings to your best friend in a swirl of emotions, resulting in probably the worst outcome you can imagine, you soon come to realize he was in just as much pain as you.

PAIRINGS: jj maybank x fem!pogue!reader , pope heyward x fem!pogue!reader (platonic)

WORD COUNT: 10.6k (she do be a long one, but it’s worth it)

WARNINGS: angst, fluff, depictions of smut

A/N: hello! this is the first imagine that i ever posted on tumblr. hope whoever reads this likes it, it's one of my favourites so i wanted to start off strong. grab a drink/snack and enjoy :) <3

☼ ☼ ☼

You sit frozen even under the blazing sun. You’ve buried your feet beneath the sand, gripping the couple seashells you caught while surfing in your hand until lines press into your skin. You try to focus on your burning soles or the sting from the shells, but his voice is too prominent in your ears to drown out.

“Y/N? Can you please listen, this is important.” JJ playfully nudges your arm and lingers his hand on your shoulder.

You quickly pull back from his touch and wrap your arms around yourself protectively, trying to pay no mind to the slightly confused expression that contorts his features. You’ve done enough overanalyzing with him to know that he doesn’t mean anything by these seemingly affectionate gestures. He never does.

“What, JJ. I’m not in the mood right now.” You sharply say, keeping your gaze on your black-painted toes sticking out from the sand. And it’s true. You really did not want to hear about all the ways JJ could ask Kiara out properly.

He huffs and rests his hands on his knees, still remaining seated on the towel next to you. “I just want your advice. What’s up with you today? You were fine this morning, and now you’re acting all irritated with me.”

Yeah, maybe because I couldn’t pretend to be okay anymore after seeing that stupid smile on your stupid face when Kiara kissed your stupid forehead at 7 in the morning. Or during school, seeing you pass notes in class and winking when phones clearly exist, like you just have to rub it in. Or after school at John B’s house watching you trying to braid her hair while the rest of us were doing homework. Or before we left for the beach as she rubs sunscreen all over your back, when that’s usually my job.

But of course, you didn’t say any of that.

“Whatever. Like you care.” You scoff and look up at the ocean, watching your friends laugh and push each other off their surfboards.

“I do care, Y/N. You’re my best friend, your opinion means the most to me.” He pauses for a moment and runs his hand through his golden hair. “Did I do something?”

Your heart clenches in your chest, and for a second you want to drop the angry act and hug him, comfort him and reassure him that he could do no wrong. That he was everything and more. But you had to block out your pain, and anger was just the emotion strong enough for the job.

You keep your stone cold glare, and manage to turn it towards him. He’s already looking at you, but not in the way he looks at Kiara before she notices. Not in the way where he looks at her and sees his purpose for existence. Not in the way you look at him.

Instead, he’s looking at you with a lost expression, brows furrowed in confusion, eyes asking for answers. As your glare locks into his soft pale blue eyes, he closes his mouth and looks away. At least he knows not to push you any further.

After an excruciating 10 minutes of sitting in awkward silence with nothing but the waves and seagulls, you hear Kiara’s melodic voice travel over the water and sand to reach your ears. “Ayo, JJ! Y/N! What are you guys doing? Get in the water before it gets too dark!”

Even the sound of her voice makes your ears hot with jealousy and your chest ache with pain. The worst part wasn’t even that she was the girl JJ held in his heart, it was the fact that she was also your best friend, and an absolute angel. She did nothing wrong, and you had no reason to feel so negatively towards someone as kind hearted as her. But the fact that she unknowingly took JJ from you was enough.

She’s waving her arms frantically to get you two’s attention, as if you don’t already see her. It makes you wanna flip her off, but JJ beats you to any action by laughing and standing up, the towel he was sitting on -- your towel -- still hooked in his arms. He throws the damp pink and green fabric around his neck before cupping his hands over his mouth to yell, “You got it, Kie! There’s a sick wave rolling in!”

You roll your eyes, and he notices, but still presses his lips together in a sad smile. “You coming or what, my angry girl?”

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. You repeat this in your head over and over again before you dare to speak. ‘My angry girl’, he had said. Like you were his, like he was yours. Like you were his girl. But you weren’t, so why did he think it was okay to keep up with his little spur of the moment nicknames, when they so obviously had no ounce of affection behind them?

You stand up and grab your surfboard. JJ’s face lights up as he shoots you a bright smile, happy at the fact that you’re over whatever it was that was bothering you and are ready to finally have a good time.

But he was wrong. That’s not why you stood up and grabbed your things.

“Have fun.” You say coldly, clenching your teeth to prevent you from saying anything else, for you know that if you did you’d erupt into tears. You tighten your hold on your board, yank your towel from his shoulders, and turn on your heel to walk off the beach.

You can’t take the Twinkie back to your house, since that was John B’s car and the gang’s ride, and JJ knew that too. As you walk by the van, ready to take your walk home alone under the setting sun with just your bikini, towel, and board, you can’t help but hope that JJ will come after you, or call out your name. Just something to show that he doesn’t want you to leave, that he wants to find out what’s wrong, that he wants you safe with him.

But when you turn your head slightly over your shoulder to see if your thoughts have manifested into reality, you’re met with his sculpted back running towards the ocean, diving into the thrashing waves and tackling a laughing Kiara.

The salt dripping from your hair melts with the salt on your cheeks.

~ ~ ~

That night on the beach was only one out of many, many other occurrences in which you had to protect your bleeding soul from any more pain by ultimately being a bitch to the boy you’re in love with.

You didn’t always resort to hostility. There was a time where you would fake a smile and push aside any feelings for the sake of your relationship with JJ. But after a while, it all got too much. You remember the first time you felt any hint of insecurity.

It was about a year ago, a couple weeks after Kiara officially joined the gang by announcing she’s done with the kook academy and would now be spending all her time with you guys. You were so excited at first, for you guys hung out with her once in a while when she wasn’t trapped with the kooks, and now she would finally always be there. Of course, JJ hit on her when they first met, but you didn’t think much of it. He flirted with everyone.

But those feelings quickly got diminished when you and JJ were waxing your surfboards alone in John B’s shed. It was going well like it always did, and you were blushing like you always did when it was just you two. But then he said it, the first hint that he actually liked Kiara.

“It’s amazing that Kie is always here now, isn’t it?” He said, muscles flexing as he thoroughly waxed his white board.

You diverted your gaze away from his arms to see him smiling aimlessly, though you doubted it was directed at the task at hand.

“Oh, uh. Yeah. She’s great,” You replied honestly.

JJ looked up at you, the same smile on his face. “It’s so much better with her here.”

It’s so much better with her here.

Those words have never left your mind since he said them a whole sun’s revolution ago, and it still bothers you all the same. How could he say that, after only 2 weeks of her being there? How could he say that, when you were the one who’s been his best friend since you were kids, before John B or Pope? How could he say that, when he should be feeling that way about you?

Overtime, it got worse.

When you showed up at his house, backpack in hand filled with you two’s favourite snacks and his favourite alcohol, ready to go for your normal weekend hike. “Oh shit, sorry Y/N. I told Kie I’d go surfing with her today. Next week though, yeah?” And he kissed your cheek, like he always did since he was 10. But, the hikes stopped.

At the bonfires when you reached for the red solo cup in his hand, and he pulled it away, laughing. “Oh-- This is for Kiara. Vodka cran. Can you believe that? So ridiculous.” But he smiled admirably the whole time. Usually he got you a drink, so you were used to just reaching for it. He still did get you drinks now, but only after Kiara got hers.

At Midsummers, when you were so excited to show him your red dress that you picked specifically because he said he liked it when walking past a store window. But of course Kiara walked in a second after you in her beautiful silky purple dress. “Wow, look at you.” JJ had said, and you prayed that he meant you, but when you looked up he was practically ogling at the glowing goddess next to you. Kiara laughed and told him to shut up, to which he grinned back and linked his arm with hers. “Shall we, you kook?” He jokingly said. As they were walking out of the hallway and into the party, leaving you behind, Kiara was the one who asked if you were coming. JJ didn’t say a word to you the whole night about your dress.

And the rest of the year was all a blur from there, just the obvious favouritism and admiration of her whenever the pogues hung out. You didn’t even want to think about what went on when it was just JJ and Kiara. And now that John B had Sarah, you felt even more forgotten than ever. Little did you know that there was one certain nerdy boy left in your friend group who was more similar to you than you thought.

~ ~ ~

It was now about a month after the beach, and the second last week of school before the summer. You were all sitting in second period, the class before lunch, working on review before the exams that would take place next week.

Not only were you stressed from school, since you haven’t really given it much thought recently, but today you were just extra irritable. You were tired, insecure, upset, and trying to memorize these goddamn history facts.

You were biting your nails and bouncing your leg at a very fast pace when you felt a wad of paper hit your head. You freeze and clench your jaw. You know exactly where that came from. You slowly turn around and see JJ awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

“Sorry, Y/N. Can you pass that to Kie? She’s too far from me,” He whispers, slightly leaning forward.

You’ve had enough.

You pick up the note and don’t even bother to read what’s on it. Instead, you get up to your feet and throw it right back at him, hard. He’s a bit startled as it hits his chest, and he looks up at you, bewildered.

“Give it to her yourself,” You spit, clenching your fists. “And fuck off.”

People in the class are looking at you, including your friends, but you couldn’t care less. John B mouths ‘what the fuck?’ at you, Kiara is staring at you wide-eyed, and JJ just… JJ just looks sad. You make eye contact with Pope, but he isn’t looking at you like some freak, like everyone else. He’s looking at you with kind eyes. He sends you a sad, knowing smile that sofly curves his lips. You almost tear up looking at him, and you aren’t even sure why. Why was he looking at you like that?

Your thoughts are interrupted when your teacher calls your name. “Y/N, excuse me! Wh--”

You cut him off by raising your hand. “Yea, sir, I know. I’m leaving.” You leave the classroom without another word, leaving your friends and peers looking after you, confused.

~ ~ ~

Later that night as you lie lazily on your couch, scrolling aimlessly through your phone, you get a text from John B.

JB: Hey psycho

You roll your eyes and swipe the message away. A couple minutes later, you get more.

JB: That was a joke

I’m kidding

You’re not actually a psycho

Well… sometimes

To stop him from spamming you anymore, you groan and reluctantly text him back.

Y/N: holy shit what do u want

JB: Ah there she is

Come to the Chateau

Y/N: no

JB: Okay well first of all rude

Second of all I already sent JJ to get you

You shoot up in bed, breathing heavy. Are you fucking kidding me? Boys are so goddamn stupid sometimes.

Y/N: john b, NO.

seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?

JB: Woah, why you getting mad at me for?

Y/N: were you not in class today?

JB: Yeah, we all were. Pretty sure the whole school knows about your outburst towards... You know. Your best friend? Who’s coming right now? And will be there in 2 minutes?

You couldn’t even text him back, with how mad you were. Why couldn’t they understand you wanted to be alone? You were clearly upset, and they wouldn’t respect your space. Maybe if you got upstairs before JJ showed up, you could avoid this whole thing--

“Y/N, it’s JJ.”

You sigh and look towards your glass door. JJ is there, hands in pockets and red backwards hat keeping the hair away from his face. He’s looking at you with an unreadable expression. Well, there goes your plan to just hide away from the world.

You don’t move, and remain seated on the couch, crossing your arms and looking down at your feet.

“Can you please come outside?” He says through the screen. His voice is so fragile, as if trying to be careful not to overstep and get you more upset. It makes you want to cry.

“Universe, be with me.” You mumble to yourself as you weakly get up from your spot and make your way to the door. He steps back a bit to give you some space as you step outside. The cool night breeze quickly nips at your bare stomach and arms, as you’re only in a black crop top and jean shorts. You wrap your arms around yourself and force yourself to look up at him.

He purses his lips together before pulling his grey sweatshirt over his head, leaving him only in a white tank top. He holds it out to you.

Your heart swells at him noticing your slight chill, and for a moment you were about to take it from him. Your fingertips barely graze the soft fabric as the scent of his cologne, sea water, and cocoa butter already reaches your nose. But then you remember two nights ago, when you were all hanging out in your backyard by the fire. Kiara was still cold, so JJ gave her his sweater. It was a different one, but still. You won’t be the second choice.

You shake your head and retract your hand to hug yourself tighter, looking out at the road. Anywhere but his eyes.

You hear him sigh, “Just take the sweater, Y/N. I know you’re upset with me, but it’s cold. I can see you shivering.”

“What would Kiara think if she saw me in your sweater?” You surprise yourself.

“What?” He asks, confused. “I… I don’t know. I don’t think it would matter.”

“Yeah,” You scoff, “Of course you don’t.” He’s so oblivious to everything. It must be nice to live in a world of ignorance, not knowing who you’re hurting or what you’re doing wrong.

A few moments of silence go by between you two, so you decide to just start walking to the Chateau. You quickly walk down the steps and onto the side road. JJ catches up with you shortly after, and you two walk side by side.

About halfway there, he breaks the silence once again. “Y/N, please.”

“Please what, JJ?” You mutter, trying to sound uninterested.

“Please tell me what I did.” You notice him looking at you through your peripheral vision but force yourself to keep looking straight ahead. “It’s killing me.”

You bite down on your tongue. It’s hard to believe that he’s so affected by you distancing yourself from him. “Why?” You ask, though it wasn’t really a question. “You have Kiara, you don’t need me.”

He lets out a dry, fed up laugh, “Y/N, I don’t understand! Why do you keep bringing up Kiara when I’m trying to talk about you?”

“It’s so much better with her here, isn’t it?” You quote, voice slightly shaking at the end as you finally look at him.

At first his eyes are blank, searching for meaning behind your words. But after a bit, you see the gears lock in place.

“I--” He starts, “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Do I know that, JJ? Because it sure seems like it. You’re completely obsessed with her. It’s like I don’t exist.” You feel the familiar sting of tears cloud up your vision. “So you should be grateful I’m no longer getting in your way.”

“Grateful? Y/N, did you not hear me? It kills me. Every time you look at me like you don’t want me there, it kills. Every time you push my hand away, it kills. Every time you walk right past me without so much as a glance in my direction, it kills.”

You quickly wipe your eyes. You will not break in front of him. Stay strong, Y/N. Rage over pain. “Yeah, well. Now you know how I’ve felt this whole year.”

“What do you mean?” He asks, raising his voice. “I’ve never treated you the way you’re treating me.”

You halt in your tracks, looking at him with wide eyes. You feel like you’re going to throw up. “Are you fucking kidding me?” You yell. He’s visibly surprised at your outburst. “You haven’t been treating me like shit? Really? You’re gonna say that with your whole chest?”

He starts to shout back at you, “No, I haven’t! Okay, maybe I should have paid more attention to you… Or-- or, or not cancelled so many plans. But I never treated you like I didn’t want you around, I always want you around!”

“Well, you did JJ! You fucking did! You don’t have to roll your eyes at me or push me away to tell me I’m not important to you anymore. Just giving all your energy to someone else says enough. Recently I’ve only been seeing you when the whole gang would hang out, because the rest of the time you’re fucking Kiara!” You scream, voice cracking as you finally let the angry tears escape your eyes.

You turn and start to quicken your pace, but he doesn’t let you go far. You feel his hand grab your arm and pull you back towards him.

“Y/N, seriously! For fucks sake! What the actual fuck are you talking about!?” He shouts, tightening his grip. “I’m not fucking Kiara!”

Your skin burns from the pressure of his fingers digging into your skin, “I bet you wish you were, though.” You grit out, yanking your arm away from him. You feel the pulsing of flesh from where his nails just were.

“Why should it even matter if I was, anyway? It’s not like me and you are together.” He clenches his jaw.

For a moment, you’re at a loss for words. How can you say anything else without giving it away even more that you were hopelessly in love with him? He was right, you weren’t together. If only he knew that was the reason for your pain all along. There was absolutely no way he didn’t at least have an idea that you loved him, after all the fighting and obvious jealousy.

You had nothing to lose.

“Yeah, we aren’t together.” You swallow and brace yourself for the worst possible outcome. “But we could be. Should be.” No going back now. The words left your raw throat and were now spoken out into the universe.

For the first time since you’ve met him, JJ was speechless.

You couldn’t take it anymore, just him staring at you in complete shock. What was he thinking? Did he absolutely hate you for ruining the dynamic between you two? Did he want to turn around and never see you again? Could he… Could he possibly, even a tiny sliver of him, feel the same way?

You decided to put the ball in his court. “Come on, JJ. Don’t act like you didn’t know. Even if it was just a little part of you.”

He remained quiet for a few more seconds before finally opening his mouth. “Y/N…”

“You knew.” You spit out, glaring at him. “I know you did.”

“I… I thought the reason you were mad at me was just because I was neglecting you. I honestly didn’t think it was because you--” He stopped himself, as if trying to find the right words. “Because you liked me.”

You sigh and look down at your hands, twisting your rings around your fingers. “I don’t just like you, JJ.” You truly had no idea why you were being so bold, before you would have sworn on your grave that you would never let him find out. But there’s only so much hurt a person can take before they crumble.

You look up at his apprehensive face. He looks almost… scared. Scared of you saying it and making it real. But you can't protect anyone's feelings anymore, you’ve been doing that too long. You take a deep breath, and look at his doubtful ocean eyes.

“I love you.”

He sucks in a breath, and to your surprise, you see red rimming the whites of his eyes. “Why, Y/N?” He cracks, “Why did you have to say that?”

“Because it’s true,” You weakly confess, tasting tears on your tongue.

“No, no, no. Fuck,” He gasps out and takes off his hat to run his hands through his hair.

“I’m in love with you, JJ.”

“Jesus Christ, Y/N.” He closes his eyes and shakes his head.

“You can’t make me take it back. It’s how I feel.”

“But why-- Fuck, Y/N. Why are you telling me this now?” He asks, a pained tone in his voice.

You frown at him, wondering what he’s getting at, “What do you mean?”

“I mean-- you couldn’t have told me this before?! Like, not even a few months ago?!”

“I don’t… I don’t understand how that would have changed anything.”

“It--” He turns around so that he’s no longer facing you and throws his head into his hands. Then, very quietly that you think you might’ve imagined it, he says, “It would have.”

The slight rustle of trees in the background seem deafening in your ear as you stand watching his back.

Then your whole world falls on you, crushing you deep into the earth’s core and sucking all the life from you.

“But it doesn’t anymore.” JJ says as he turns back to you, eyes red and watery.

“I don’t understand,” You whisper softly, so gentle that you see JJ’s face mould into a painful expression at the sound of it.

He takes a step forward and slowly wipes the tears from under your eyes where they have spilt many times before. Then, he presses his forehead against yours, keeping his hands on your face. “I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry.” He murmurs. “I’m sorry that I didn’t realize sooner. I’m sorry that you didn’t tell me when you first felt it.”

You choke on a sob, “I first felt it as soon as I met you, as kids, when you accidentally stepped on my sandcastle.”

“No,” He shakes his head against yours, “No. That’s not when you first felt it. You couldn’t have loved me all that time.”

“Yes, it was.” You retract a bit so that his hands are still on your face, but you’re looking at each other. “I have loved you before I even knew what it was.”

He looks as if he’s restraining himself from saying something. The veins in his neck protrude through his smooth skin.

“What did you mean,” You continue, “when you said it would have changed things if I told you sooner?”

He lets go of you, and you feel like collapsing.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. That’s the problem, Y/N. I…” He looks down, away from your eyes. “I have feelings for Kiara now.”

“N-Now?” Your throat trembles. “What do you mean, ‘now’? You didn’t before?”

He ignores your question. “She kissed me. I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend tonight. It’s… it’s what I was asking you at the beach before you stormed off.”

He doesn’t say anything else as you slowly walk to the Chateau. You don’t say anything either, because you can’t. There’s nothing else for you to say. Your face is frozen in a pained expression, the tears in your eyes stuck in place, neither going away nor spilling. You keep your eyes on the ground beneath your worn out running shoes, hands still rubbing slow circles on your arms.

As you reach the house, before making your way to the backyard where the pogue’s voices were heard, JJ turns toward you. “Y/N--”

“Don’t, JJ.” You quip. “Just don’t say anything else, and neither will I. I promise. I’ll leave it alone.”

He clenches his teeth, and nods once. Then he takes your hand and places his grey sweatshirt into it. “Just take the sweater, Y/N. Please.”

You swallow, feeling the walls of your throat scratch painfully together from trying not to cry. And you nod.

~ ~ ~

It’s half past 11. John B is inside with Sarah, failing miserably at making cookies. JJ and Kiara have snuck off to who-knows-where. You didn’t know where they ran off to, you only knew it was somewhere in the forest behind the house since before they left your sight hand-in-hand, JJ met your eyes with an unreadable look. So now it was just you swaying pathetically in the hammock, staring at the remnants of the dying fire. In a way, you were grateful this awkward night was finally at an end. It was harder than you thought to pretend that the conversation with JJ didn’t happen, and to avoid the looks you two would send each other. You thought for sure that your friends must have noticed, but if they did, they didn’t show it.

As you were wondering what JJ and Kiara were doing, and how John B and Sarah’s cooking was going, you realized you had no idea where Pope was. That was, until you felt someone climb into the hammock beside you.

“Hey.” It was Pope.

You open your tired eyes and manage to smile at him, “Hey, Pope.”

He smiles back and gets more cozy beside you in the hammock. You two just sit listening to the crackling of the fire and the faint sound of Sarah’s laughter from inside the house. The peace is quickly interrupted when you hear the fire alarm go off in the distance.

You and Pope burst out into laughter as you hear John B’s frantic screams and Sarah’s panicked orders.

“They’re a mess,” You giggle.

“Yeah, they are.” Pope agrees. “They’re perfect for each other.”

“So, uh,” You clear your throat, “What happened after I left school today?”

“Well, the class was kinda quiet for a second, but then teach just yelled at us to keep doing our work so… It was forgotten about pretty quickly.”

You nod, thankful that it wasn’t made a big deal. “Thank you for not looking at me like I lost my mind. I know I’ve not been myself recently… or like, the past few months… but still. Everyone just kind of looked at me like I had two heads when I blew up at JJ.”

Pope nudges your arm with his shoulder, “I understand you, that’s why.”

You look at him, “Huh?”

He purses his lips as he contemplates continuing, but he does. “JJ.”

That’s all he says. That’s all he needs to say for you to understand what he means.

You let out a defeated scoff as you play with the sleeves of JJ’s sweatshirt that you were wearing, “Well, apparently everyone knew but him.” You shake your head, trying to rid yourself of the painful thoughts. “How do you understand how I feel, anyway?”

He shifts his gaze towards the forest, a sad look fogging his dark eyes.

And it hits you. All those times you were focused on JJ with Kiara, you forgot to pay attention to Pope, and where he was during all of this.

- -

“Oh shit, sorry Y/N. I told Kie I’d go surfing with her today. Next week though, yeah?” JJ had said. Later that day, you went to get coffee with Pope, who told you that he asked Kiara to study with him, to which she said she had plans.

“Oh-- This is for Kiara. Vodka cran. Can you believe that? So ridiculous.” JJ had said. 10 minutes later, Pope offered Kiara a drink, to which she said she already had one and gestured to the cup in her hand.

“Wow, look at you.” JJ had said. “Shall we, you kook?” Pope had told you he liked your dress, but he was looking at Kiara dancing with JJ. You had told him you liked his suit, but you were looking at JJ dancing with Kiara.

- -

“Kiara,” You say, coming out of your flashbacks. Pope simply nods, looking embarrassed. You let out a sarcastic laugh, “Why does everyone like Kiara?”

He snorts and rebuttals, “Why does everyone like JJ?”

You both chuckle, though it leaves a melancholic tone in the air. You lean your head against his shoulder, to which he returns the gesture and rests his head on top of yours. You try to only focus on your best friend next to you, trying to find comfort in the fact that someone else shares your pain.

As the hammock stills and your breathing levels, you fall asleep holding on to your best friend who you’ve really underestimated all this time.

~ ~ ~

“Ow, what the fuck!?”

You jolt up from the hammock at the sound of Pope’s screech, as he frantically looks around to see who threw an empty beer can at his head. You rub your eyes to adjust to the burning morning sun blaring through the tree leaves, and your blurry vision finally locks onto a tall, lean figure.

As your gaze finally clears, you notice it’s JJ standing over you two. He has another beer can in his hand, and he’s looking at Pope with a clenched jaw.

“Morning,” JJ says dryly and throws another can at Pope. “You two sleep well?”

“Would you stop-- Ow, what the hell man?” Pope flinches and swipes the empty cans onto the grass.

You groan and massage your head at all the commotion. You might’ve drank more than you thought last night in an attempt to numb your feelings. Pope notices, and relaxes his posture a bit as he puts a hand on your back and rubs comfortingly. “Shit, sorry Y/N. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks Pope,” You kindly smile at him and put your face in his neck to block out the brightness. “Ugh, I’m so fucking tired.”

“Why don’t I take you home then.” JJ quickly says and steps towards you guys. He grabs your chin and pulls you to face him and off of Pope.

“JJ, stop!” You hiss as a sharp pain shoots from your head down to your stomach. You feel like you’ll throw up if you move too much.

“Yeah, man. Just let her relax,” Pope agrees and soothingly pats your hair. “You’re hurting her.”

As you get settled against Pope again, you mumble, “Yeah, he does that a lot.”

Pope awkwardly presses his lips into a line at your comment and looks at JJ for a split second -- who swallows and looks down -- before lying down against you again.

“Seriously, Y/N.” JJ sighs and gently presses his fingers against your arm. “You’ll feel better if you sleep in your own bed.”

“What’s the problem, JJ? She’s fallen asleep here many times before, most of the time with you.” Pope mumbles and puts his hat over his head to cover his eyes from the sun.

“What time is it, anyways?” You ask as you weakly reach for your phone in your short pockets. The dim screen reads 6:47 am. You groan, “Are you fucked, JJ? It’s not even 7 am and you’re waking us up? It’s fucking Saturday.” When he doesn’t say anything, you continue, “Besides, where’s Kiara?” You feel Pope stiffen beside you.

You hear JJ shuffle his feet as he stands. “Uh… She’s--”

“I’m disappointed, guys.” Kiara’s voice is heard coming into earshot. “Empty beer cans in the grass? Have I taught you nothing?”

You don’t even bother to say anything back, and instead turn your whole body completely over so that you are fully facing Pope. As if thinking the same thing, Pope turns as well and throws his arm around you both, providing ultimate protection from the brightness -- and the two people who broke each of your hearts.

You sense Kiara picking up the cans, and she says, “Oh wow, look at them.” She laughs, “What happened last night guys…?” She asks suspiciously, yet a playful tone is tinged on her lips.

You decide to play along with her suspicions, “Wouldn’t you like to know.” You say against Pope’s shirt. He chuckles and whispers ‘nice’ in your ear so low that you know no one else heard it.

“What did he say?” JJ asks, sounding irritated. When Kiara says she didn’t hear, he asks again, “Pope, what did you say? Y/N?”

“He said he wants you to go away,” You lie. Pope snorts.

“We’re trying to sleep,” He adds.

“Okay, J. I need you to drive me home,” Kiara says.

“J? Is it that hard for you to say an extra letter?” You sarcastically quip, earning yet another laugh from Pope.

“Uh… Okay…” Kiara says in a confused tone. “Don’t know what that was.”

“Y/N,” JJ begins.

“Seriously J, let’s go, my parents are gonna kill me.” Kiara continues.

“Yea, J. You’ve got somewhere to be,” Pope says.

“Shut up, Pope,” JJ snaps. “Y/N, meet me at the country club after my shift at 5 tonight, yeah?”

You throw your free arm around Pope. “Can’t. Me and Pope have plans.”

“Okay, bye guys.” Kiara says, and no more is heard from either of them.

After a few moments of just listening to the morning ocean waves and chirping birds, Pope slightly lifts his head. “Are they gone?”

“I think so,” You inquire and sit up as well. As you both sit up from your position on the hammock and notice it was indeed just you two, you breathe out and rub your temples. “Jesus. Do you have any idea what the actual fuck that was?”

Pope sighs and gets up, stretching. “No idea. JJ was acting weird as hell. Why did he… throw freaking beer cans at me to wake me up? And only me, not you?”

“Fuck if I know,” You let out a puff of air through your cheeks, “Why were they up before 7 in the morning anyways?”

“Yeah I know, and the fact that he wanted you to leave so badly.” He pauses. “Could that… maybe mean something, do you think?”

You quickly shake your head, “Pope, don’t even try to give me false hope. The little gestures he does never mean anything. Like, he still kisses me on the cheek for fucks sake.”

“Still? From when you were, like, 10 years old?” Pope asks, and you nod, throwing your arms up in defeat. He continues, “Well, if he really asked Kiara to be his girlfriend last night, it’d be weird if he still did that, right?”

“I guess so…” You chew your lip. “Whatever, I don’t wanna talk about it. So, what are our plans?”

“Oh right,” Pope laughs. “I forgot for a second that we were ‘busy’ tonight. How about the new book store that just opened?”

“Sounds perfect,” You grin, and intertwine your arm with his as you walk back to the Chateau to get some breakfast. You would have no idea what to do if you didn’t have Pope with you, standing by your side throughout it all.

~ ~ ~

The next month goes by more or less the same way. John B and Sarah completely in love and oblivious to it all, JJ and Kiara kind-of together (you weren’t exactly sure what was going on there), and you and Pope spending most of the time that the gang wasn’t hanging out with each other, since you were the only ones who understood one another. It provided a good distraction from the pain. For instance, every time you saw Kiara grab onto JJ’s hand and you felt that emptiness in your chest, you looked at Pope, who understandably smiled at you. The same pain was evident in his eyes, and you were reminded that you were going to watch a crime documentary with him later on. That’s how you both held on. Distractions and friendship.

There were so many nights that ended with you crying in Pope’s arms, the movie playing quietly in the background. Or Pope falling asleep in your lap after hours of venting to you about his feelings toward Kiara. Or silent coffee runs where you would just sit in each other's pain. But it was at least a bit better than before. At least you both had someone to help with the aches, to hold your hand or hug you when you needed to be loved.

You didn’t believe that the pain would ever go away, that you would ever heal. Not as long as JJ wasn’t yours. But at least you had something to hold on to.

One night, in the middle of June, you and Pope were sitting on the beach. You guys were in a special spot that he didn’t know about. Around the rocks, on the right side by the hill, there was a patch of sand that led to an opening on the beach. A perfect spot for anything... surfing, swimming, or even chilling on the sand. It was completely hidden from the rest of the world, like it’s own enclosure. You guys decided to hang out after you overheard Kiara talking about bringing JJ by The Wreck to ‘officially’ meet her parents.

“Why didn’t we ever come here before? It’s so nice.” Pope says, leaning back on his arms.

You look out into the ocean, admiring the moon’s reflection on the still water. You shrugged, “It was me and JJ’s spot. We found it when we were 12 years old, never showed anyone.”

You close your eyes to prevent tears from forming as you remember all your favourite memories that took place here.

- -

12 years old. You accidentally fell off a rock while climbing. You closed your eyes, expecting to crack your skull, but luckily landed on a soft surface. “Y/N! Oh my god oh my god oh my god…” You hear young JJ’s frantic voice call after you from the other side. You rub your lower back and groan, “Here, JJ! Behind the twisty rocks! I’m okay!” Soon, JJ’s 12 year old head popped up from behind the rocks, a worried expression on his face, and you smiled at him. “Woah,” he had said, “You found the most perfect place ever. I can hide my dad’s weed here!” You rolled your eyes, “JJ!” He climbed over and joined you in the patch. “What? For when we’re older, stupid.”

13 years old. First time he told you about his dad. You tried to hug him, but he brushed you off and said he was fine. When he noticed you got a little sad at his action, he kissed your cheek -- like he always did -- and said, “Thanks, Y/N. I got you for life, remember that. I won’t ever let anyone do to you what my dad does to me.”

14 years old. He was finishing his second joint of the day, and decided to try and go surfing. You could see his bruised knuckles gripping his board from when he punched Topper Thornton in the face because he called you trash. “JJ, no. You’re not going surfing while high. You can’t even walk in a straight line. We only started smoking this year, we’re not used to it yet.” But he only ruffled your hair and ran towards the water, almost tripping on his feet. You weren’t that good at surfing yet, let alone at night and under influence, so you decided to watch from the shore. After a while, you noticed you couldn’t see him anymore, and this spot was a completely different section from the rest of the beach, hidden behind rocks and hills. No one could see or help if he didn’t come back. You started to cry and call out for him, screaming bloody murder into the night. After a few minutes, you ran into the water to get help, completely getting all your clothes wet, your badly done eyeliner smudging down your eyes. Suddenly, you felt someone grab your arm. You screamed, and were met with a hysterically laughing JJ. “Holy shit! Did you see that!? That was fucking awesome!” You let out a choked sob and hugged him tightly, the angry night waves kicking harshly against your legs. “Woah, Y/N, why are you crying? I’m fine, I just fell off the board.” But he hugged you back. “I’m right here. It’s okay.”

15 years old. You had recently been feeling all sorts of new… emotions and sensations. Ones that you didn’t understand yet. Like what that weird feeling in your stomach was when JJ would put his hand on your thigh. Or why you had to squeeze your legs together when he whispered in your ear. Or why, right now, you sat up straight in the sand and held your breath as he laid his head in your lap. You tried not to look at his shirtless body that was lying down literally on top of you. It was now sculpting into something different than it had been all the other years you’d known him, and you’d definitely noticed. You wondered if he noticed your body blossoming as well, how your chest was filling into its shape, and your curves got more accentuated. You wondered if he felt the same way when you touched him. As all these thoughts churned in your mind, you started to run your fingers through his hair and continue reading your book to stop your mind from thinking, but after less than a minute, his eyes shot open as he lifted his head off your thighs and hunched over. “Uh--” He had started, standing up quickly and walking towards the water, keeping his back turned on you and arms in front of him, “I’m gonna go for a quick swim.” You sat there for 10 minutes wondering what happened until he came back. “I’m just gonna… sit here for now.” He sat about an arms length away from you, giving you a weird smile and sitting in an awkward position.

16 years old. You two jumped off the rocks and ran into the patch, holding hands and laughing. He helped you off the last of the rocks by grabbing your waist and catching you from your mini-fall. You heard the kooks calling after you from the other side, but you lost them. No one could find this spot unless they knew where to go. “I can’t believe we just did that,” You laughed, resting your hands on your knees and trying to catch your breath. “Those fucking kooks deserved it, it’s not like they use it anyways, it‘s just sitting there collecting dust in their storage container. It’s a tragedy. I’m so proud of you.” He cheered as you handed him the keys you stole from Sarah Cameron’s beach bag. You heard Rafe’s voice in the distance yelling that he was going to kill you both, and you just laughed harder. “I’m finally gonna know what it’s like to drive that beauty of a boat.” He said and pulled you towards him, spinning you in a circle. “To going full kook, baby girl!” He shouted in bliss, laughing. “To going full kook!”

17 years old. A couple months after Kiara had fully joined the friend group. You two were sitting on your surfboards in the water, talking about anything and everything as the sun began to set. As you watched the orange and pink skies turn the water into a deeper navy, you noticed him staring at you. “We haven’t been here much lately,” He said, “It used to be our go-to spot”. You looked at him, how the golden hour poured beautifully onto his skin, illuminating the blue of his eyes. “It’s not going anywhere.” You said in return. He dipped his hand into the water and splashed you. “I’m serious, Y/N. I miss this.” He jumped off his board and swam over to you. He placed his hands on your board at either side of your hips and pulled himself up between your legs, smiling at you. “Don’t forget about this spot, ever. And don’t show anyone else. This is only ours.” You bit the inside of your cheek, feeling very nervous as his nose brushed yours. “I won’t.” You said. He pressed his nose against yours, “Promise?” You chuckled and pushed him back into the water. When he emerged from the dark water, laughing, you smiled softly at him and held out your pinky. He interlocked his own, and you said, “Promise.”

- -

Now you are both 18 years old, and you haven’t been here once. Instead, you were here with Pope. Guilt immediately consumed you as soon as you remembered that last memory. You had promised him that you would show no one else this spot, and here you are. With someone that isn’t him.

“It’s fine. He probably took Kiara here a million times already,” Pope says, as if he could read your mind. “Besides, I’m glad we’re here. I had to leave the Chateau as soon as I saw them looking like they were about to makeout.”

You close your eyes and slightly shake your head, as if to brush the image out of your mind. Then suddenly, you say, “We should kiss.”

Pope looks at you with wide eyes, “What?”

You laugh, “Relax. It’s just for fun. Everyone else is going around and kissing each other, so why can’t we?”

He smiles at you and wipes some sand off his legs. “True, I guess there’s no problem with that. Except for the fact that we’ll still be in pain.” He laughs, sadly.

“Yeah well, beggars can’t be choosers.” You grin and turn towards him as he does the same. You robotically place both hands on the side of his face, and he mimics your action on your waist. You both struggle to keep in your laughter as you lean in. “Okay, how ‘bout this?” You say, “I pretend you’re JJ, and you pretend I’m Kiara.”

Pope lets out a laugh and says, “Deal.”

And then you were pressing your lips against his. You didn’t move or anything, just simply lingering on each other’s mouths. You tried to envision JJ, but you couldn’t. No matter how hard you tried to distract yourself, all you could think about was the fact that you were here kissing someone who wasn’t him, in the spot that was supposed to be only for you two. You felt some salt on your lips between you and Pope, and you honestly weren’t sure who it belonged to.

You are about to pull away and talk about how stupid this was, when a certain voice chills your blood to ice.

“Y/N? What the fuck?”

You whip around and get to your feet quickly, heart practically pounding out of your ribcage. “JJ,” You breathe, quickly wiping your eyes with the back of your hand. Within seconds, Pope is up by your side as well.

“Are you--” The clouds fold over in the sky and open up a space for the moon to shine through, landing on his perfect face. “Are you fucking serious?”

His voice was trembling and his fists were clenched tightly by his sides.

“JJ, what are you doing here?” You ask, moving your hair away from your wet face.

“What do you mean ‘what am I doing here?’ What the fuck is he doing here?!” He yells, throwing out an arm to gesture to Pope.

“He--” You start.

“This is our spot! That we’ve had since we were 12 fucking years old! Or have you been too busy with Pope to remember?” You could have sworn he was crying. If he was, he was very good at hiding it. “And not only do you bring someone else here, but you kiss him too?”

You straighten your back as if you are about to break. “Why should it matter? If I bring someone or kiss them, why does it fucking matter anymore, JJ?!”

He makes his way over to you, looking so angry. He is standing right in front of you, so close you could feel his hot breath on your face.

You don’t let him get another word in yet, “Don’t act like you haven’t brought your girlfriend here before!”

“I don’t have a fucking girlfriend!” He yells in your face. “Even if I did, I would never bring her here, or anyone else!”

Both you and Pope stiffen, and you subtly look at each other. He looks just as confused as you.

“But… But you and Kiara--”

“We’re not together! And you would know that if you actually still came here!”

“What do you mean?!” You shout back, head pounding. “You don’t make any sense!”

He angrily runs his hands over his face, and you could practically see the frustration oozing out of him. “I’ve been coming here every day, Y/N! Every fucking day since our fight last month. And you haven’t showed once.”

“You asshole! That’s not fair!” You push his chest, but he only stumbles back slightly. “How was I supposed to know that?! You were always with Kiara!”

He scoffs, dryly. “Bullshit. If you weren’t too busy always running off with Pope, you’d see how desperate I was to speak to you.”

“And if you weren’t that much of a pussy and actually told me that you wanted to talk--”

“And if you just told me how you felt about me before all this shit happened then--”

“Oh, fuck you!” You scream, pushing him once again, this time much harder so that he actually has to stop himself from falling. Pope tries to grab your hand to calm you down, but you pull away from him. “Fuck you! Do you know how fucking scared I was that you didn’t feel the same way? Every girl that looks in your direction, you make it known that you’re attracted to her. And then when Kiara came around, it was only about her for so long!”

“That’s not true!” JJ’s voice strains as he breathes heavily. “It was always about you!”

You let out a barked laugh, “Oh, please. In what fucking world was it ever about me?”

“In every world! In my world!” He yells, but his angry expression softens.

“Well,” You pause, collecting yourself. “Not in mine.”

You had nothing else to say. You wish you could jump in the ocean and never come back. To stay in the nothingness forever. But you can’t. So all you did was tear your gaze away from the blond boy and your shocked best friend, and climb onto the rocks and back to the other side, leaving them both alone in the spot that used to only harbour precious, secret memories.

~ ~ ~

You don’t know how long it’s been that you’ve locked yourself in your house, not talking to anyone. A couple days? Maybe a week? You didn’t really care. The last thing you wanted was to face everyone, especially JJ. You’ve shut your phone off a long time ago, so you had no idea what was even going on with the outside world.

You just woke up from a nap. You usually fall asleep after crying. Your eyes still felt raw, but you squinted through the blurriness to read the time on the kitchen stove. 2:33 am. God, you really needed to stop falling asleep on the couch. You get up and make your way to your fridge to pour yourself a glass of water in hopes of finding some relief for your burning throat.

You take a few sips, the cool liquid soothing your inflamed walls as you swallow. You have a slight pulsing lingering in your temples, and you lean back against your counter as you try and focus on your breathing. A few still moments go by, and you’re grateful for some peace.

There’s knocking at your door.

You jump, slamming the cup down on the counter and reaching towards one of the drawers for a knife. You grab the first one you can find -- a butter knife -- and slowly walk to your living room. As you peek your head around the corner, you warily ask loudly, “Hello?”

“Y/N.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ.” You let out a breath of air and place a hand on your chest as you drop the knife on the coffee table. “JJ. What do you want?”

Your eyes adjust to the darkness as you walk closer. You see his silhouette, but not his face.

“Can you please open the door?” He weakly asks.

You feel anger bubbling up inside you once again, and as you swing open the door in rage you say, “Why don’t you show up on Kiara’s doorstep at 3 in fucking morn--!?” Your words are quickly cut off as soon as the door fully opens and you look at him.

There he is. Though he is taller and much stronger than you, he appears so small and fragile as he stands with his hands shoved into his sweatpant pockets. And his face… he is looking down at the ground, but you can see him covered in blood and bruises.

“I don’t want Kiara,” he says softly, wincing at the pain.

“Oh, JJ.” You whimper and quickly pull him inside your house, leading him all the way to your bathroom. You motion for him to sit on the counter next to the sink as you pull out your first aid kit from behind your mirror.

You stand between his legs as you get to work. You’ve done this so many times before, you can’t even keep count. The first time you cleaned him up after his dad hurt him was when you were both 13 years old. He always hated it, he hated relying on others or seeming like a burden. But you hated seeing him in pain even more. He could never be a burden to you. Since then, it was basically a given that he would come to you whenever he needed help.

He hasn’t come to you with this during the past year, which would frequently get you worried. But since you thought we was with Kiara, you just assumed she was the one who was helping him.

After a while, you just had to finish cleansing his cuts and bandage what was needed. “You okay?” You whisper to him, gently feeling around his chest and stomach for any painful points.

He slightly shakes his head. “I don’t want Kiara,” He repeats himself from earlier, just above a whisper. You don’t say anything, too unsure of what direction to approach this from. But you don’t have to, because after a few seconds of just staring at each other, JJ bursts out into a broken sob as he grabs your waist, pulling you into him and burying his face into your neck.

You immediately hug him back, wrapping one arm around his shoulders and burying the other in his hair.

You allow him to softly cry into your shirt for as long as he needs, just holding him and soothingly rubbing his back. Eventually he pulls away and leans his forehead against your collar bone. “I can’t do this anymore, Y/N. I can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what?” You ask, running your fingers over his arms.

“What we’ve been doing. Ignoring each other, snapping at each other, acting so distant and cold. I can’t anymore.” He sniffs and fully lifts up from you. Looking at his hurt face makes you want to cry, but you won’t. You’ll stay strong for him. “I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. This past year has been hell for me, let alone this last month. Do you understand, Y/N? Do you understand that all I think about is you?”

You nod, and allow him to keep talking.

“And when I saw you kissing Pope in -- in our spot. The one we promised each other would be only ours--”

“JJ,” You swallow, “I am so fucking sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking, I truly don’t. I guess I just let my anger and pain take over me, and I assumed the worst of you. I don’t know how to ever tell you how fucking sorry I am. But I can tell you this -- nothing is going on between me and Pope. Like, at all. All this time that we’ve been spending together was just to distract ourselves from watching the people we want be in love with someone else.”

He takes both of your hands into his before bringing them to his lips, kissing your knuckles softly as he closes his eyes. “I’m not in love with anyone else.”

You slowly breathe in as his raw eyes lock into yours. “JJ… Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

“No, Y/N. I do fucking mean it. I’ve never been so sure about anything in my entire life. I didn’t even need this last month to prove it.”

“But I don’t understand,” You shake your head as a couple tears escape from your waterline. “What about everything with Kiara… You said it was too late and that you had feelings for her.”

JJ stands up from the counter and steps into you, gripping your hips as his damp forehead presses up against yours. “I was lying. I was fucking lying, to myself, to her, and to you. I ended things with her a while ago, but she kept wanting to try. You heard what I was saying, about why you didn’t tell me before and shit… It’s because I love you too, Y/N. I’ve loved you for so fucking long, but never said anything because I never would have guessed that you felt the same. So I distracted myself with other girls and-- and Kiara. And when you confessed to me, I wanted to so badly hold you in my arms and never let go, to tell you that this was all I wanted. But I have been trying for so long to get over you, and I thought I might have even done it. I was scared to throw it away and give myself to you, in case you were wrong about how you felt. Because I-- I thought for sure that you would never love me back, so I tried to convince myself that I could maybe love someone else. Not ever like how I love you, but… maybe enough so that I could forget you.”

He reaches one hand up to wipe your teary under eyes before resting his thumb gently over your bottom lip. “How stupid of me,” He mumbles against your mouth, “to think that I could I ever forget you?” His thumb drags slightly across your lip. “My sweet girl…”

You grab the back of his neck and push your mouth roughly against his. For a second you taste blood and forget about his busted lip, but he doesn’t seem to mind as he kisses you back with just as much passion. You kiss him with all the hunger you’ve kept inside you for years, and he reciprocates the exact same energy.

You kiss him until you’re sure you’ve developed your own busted lip, and you pull apart, breathless. He smiles into your mouth and presses one more wet kiss against your bruised mouth before pulling away himself.

“Okay,” You weakly say, feeling tingly all over. “New promise.”

“Anything,” JJ says, leaning forward to press soft kisses along your jawline.

“We are never -- And I mean never --- doing that stupid shit again. From now on, we’re honest with each other about everything. 100% of the time.” You say, trying not to sigh at the feeling of his teeth on your flesh.

He pulls his head back up and kisses you again, “I promise. And something else too -- I promise to love you completely and fully. I promise to never make you feel that insecure again.”

“I promise, too.” You whisper, “I love you.”

He shakes his head as if he can’t believe what he is hearing, a stupid grin playing at his mouth. “I love you so fucking much.” He wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. “Even if you think a butter knife is a suitable weapon for an intruder.”

You laugh into his neck, “Shut up.”

“Kiss me.” He says into your ear.

And you do, until you can’t anymore. Until you can’t take the building tension and you’re coming undone beneath him as he presses you into your bed, making you feel all the things you’ve only dreamed of since you’ve known him. Until he’s falling asleep on your naked chest, your arms holding him close. Until you know you can finally say he’s yours, and you are his.

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raribella · 3 months

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𝐉𝐉 𝐌𝐀𝐘𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐊 | 𝗆𝖾𝖾𝗍 𝗆𝖾 𝖺𝗍 𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗌𝗉𝗈𝗍

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | jj maybank x fem!reader

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | cursing, mentions of domestic abuse, sad jj, y/n fucks a bitch up. idk i wrote this girl as, like, the stereotypical mean girl and the feminist in me hates that i wrote her that way :(

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 | y/n had been there to take care of jj’s wounds ever since discovering they shared the same secret spot. when she doesn’t show up for the first time ever, jj goes out of his mind. especially when she finally returns, except this time she’s the one covered in bruises.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 | thank u so so much liane ( @pogueslandia ) for helping me shape this fic, it definitely wouldn’t be the same without u <3 — and sasha ( @mrs-cameron ) for making me realize it’s okay to write other stuff, too <3

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 5.8k.

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raribella · 3 months

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can't kill a pogue | jj maybank

gif creds to its respective owner ! <3

SUMMARY: turns out being stranded on an island with jj maybank isn't the worst thing in the world...

PAIRINGS: jj maybank x fem!kook!reader

WORD COUNT: 6.8k

WARNINGS: angst, fluff, mini enemies to lovers?

A/N: just a cute little imagine i wrote while thinking of poguelandia and the privilege of being stranded on an island with none other than blondie himself. DISCLAIMER; i do not know the first thing about boats, i just googled some terms and used them. ignore the inaccuracy! :) <3

☼ ☼ ☼

“JJ, no! Stop!” You belt out, voice breaking in a strained cry as you try and make your way over to the front of the boat, falling in the process as the harsh waves crash against all sides.

The blond boy ahead of you doesn’t falter his pace once, continuing to try and steer the boat against the unruly water. He turns his head over his shoulder, looking at you with murderous determination. “I’m gonna fucking find them!” He shouts over the loud storm.

“We--” You fall to your knees as a wave slaps the side of the boat, knocking you off your balance once again. “We were supposed to wait for Pope and Kiara! Why did you go so far out?! Turn around!”

“No!” He screams, and you can’t tell if the wetness on his face is from his tears or the rain.

You manage to crawl along the bottom, gripping onto the ripped leather seats as you finally reach him. You reach for the wheel and spin it harshly in the opposite direction, but he is much stronger than you, and doesn’t let your attempt go far. He effortlessly grabs both your arms and pushes you behind him as he rebuttals your action. Now forcefully facing the other way, a small white figure in the distance through the stinging wind and rain catches your attention.

“I still see them! Their boat— I see Kiara and Pope! JJ, please, turn around, we can still make it!” You squint towards the boat and can just barely make out Kiara and Pope’s shapes, waving their arms frantically. You can’t hear them, but you can see them shouting, trying to tell you both to come back.

“JJ--” You attempt again, grabbing his shoulder and trying to pull him towards you.

“Y/N, fuck off! I’m not turning this boat around!” He spits at you, “This is the farthest we’ve got, Sarah and John B are close. I know they are.”

“We won’t find them like this!” You dig your nails into his flesh, but he doesn’t move. The boat rocks almost completely over before smashing back down, causing you both to fall and smack your heads against the hard floor surface. You groan and press your hand to your scalp, seeing red drip from your fingers when you pull back. JJ holds the back of his neck and stretches, a painful expression tainting his previous stone cold features. His eyes slightly soften as he meets yours, blood spilling down through your eyelashes.

You two were never close, you only joined the group after you caught Sarah sneaking off at the Midsummer’s party to see John B. You never had any negative feelings towards the pogues, though you knew they definitely had some for you for not only being a kook, but also Sarah Cameron’s cousin. Over time they warmed up to you. Kiara became your closest friend, and Pope and John B were very friendly.

JJ was always a bit distant, probably still upset that yet another kook was infiltrating their group. You were also a year younger, and he definitely treated you like such. Your relationship with JJ was rocky, yet you finally felt like you belonged somewhere when you were with the pogues.

Even though you and JJ rarely actually talked, you were in danger on this boat together. So regardless of all the previous tension between you two, you grab his hand and plead once more, “Turn around. We’re going to end up like them.”

He stares at you and swallows before nodding once. A relieved sob escapes from your throat as you watch him stand up and quickly make his way to the steering wheel. But the second his callused hands grip the wheel, you see a large wave rise behind you.

“JJ… JJ--” You begin to panic, frantically reaching for him. “JJ!”

He turns around, eyes locking onto the huge body of water -- double the size of your boat -- rolling straight toward you both.

“Fuck-- Y/N, hold on! Hold on--” He shouts, leaning his head low and away from the sharp water droplets cutting at his skin. He extends his arm out towards you, and you try and reach for it so you can both duck under the transmission.

As you finally catch his hand in yours, the dark wave pours over the boat, engulfing the two of you in it’s cold chambers. Both submerged completely in water, you feel his hand squeeze yours tightly, fighting the sea’s force mercilessly attempting to tear you apart.

Salt fills your lungs as your vision clouds to black underneath the ominous water, and suddenly you can’t feel anything at all.

~ ~ ~

“Y/N!”

A frantic voice rings in your ears as you begin the process of drifting back to full consciousness. Everything hurts, though you can’t seem to find an origin point for the pain. It’s just pulsating through your entire body, running along each nerve and pounding against every muscle, cascading to an overwhelming nausea that rests menacingly in your core.

You come more into your surroundings after a few moments, although you can’t quite make out the details. Besides the ache coursing through you, the only other things you noticed were the hot sun beaming on your face, grainy sand sticking to your damp hair all the way down to your feet, and the distant murmur of ocean waves.

Then you feel it; a strong weight pressing down on your ribs and digging you deeper into the soft surface beneath your raw skin. Two hands, one solid push.

And suddenly your eyes shoot open, the bright sun smoldering your vision and preventing you from seeing anything but the white flashes beneath your eyelids. Your throat feels like its walls are being forcefully pried open, and before you can take a breath, salty liquid involuntarily shoots up like a jet, pouring out of your chapped lips and causing you to choke as it pools in your mouth.

You get flipped onto your side, allowing the excess water to flush out of your system, dripping down your chin and leaving the burning sensation of sea salt to linger on your tongue.

“Finally,” The voice that called out your name breathlessly sighs in relief, “Thank God.”

Squinting, you weakly sit up and wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. Your vision sets into focus and you realize it’s not even bright at all. Everything appears to be dull, the gray clouds providing shelter from the sun you previously believed to be so prominent.

“Are you okay?”

Your head turns towards the voice. The second your eyes meet JJ’s, the most recent traumatic events replay in your mind.

“JJ… What— What the hell happened?” You sit up more straight and begin to look around. “Where’s the boat… Where are we?”

JJ lets out a puff of air and rests his hands on his crouched knees, “I woke up here on the sand. You were still knocked out in the water, by the rocks over there.” He nudges his head to the left and you look behind him to see a relatively still ocean, scattered with rocks and seaweed, and in the midst of it all, your boat. He continues, “I dragged you here and started doing CPR. It was taking so damn long, I thought you were— I mean… You were lying face down in the water for God-knows-how-long, plus your head...”

Your fingers instinctively make their way to your forehead where you recall the injury being, but all you feel is a small cut and dried blood. At least you don’t have to worry about brain damage or bleeding out.

“Thank you,” You nod at him, “For… You know, not letting me die.”

He purses his lips together and shoots you an unreadable expression, but quickly gets up on his feet and squeezes the ends of his t-shirt to drain out the water. “Yeah, well, couldn’t let Sarah come back to no cousin, right?”

You softly smile up at him, “True. That, and you would miss me. Just a bit.” You wink.

He scoffs, but reaches his hand down to you. You grab it, allowing him to help pull you up. You wobble a little in your step and have to close your eyes for a second to steady yourself and take a breath, but otherwise remain in one piece apart from the fact that you felt like you had the wind knocked out of you on a loop for the past few hours. How JJ still managed to have an exceptional amount of strength left was beyond you.

“You good?” He asks, and you let him know that you are. “Come on, let’s get the hell out of here.”

You two start making your way over to where the boat was lazily bobbing in the water. “Wherever ‘here’ is,” You mutter, not recognizing any part of this mysterious location you were walking on.

“An island of some sort,” JJ says ahead of you.

“Yeah, no shit. But which one? Definitely doesn’t look like the Outer Banks.”

“I don’t know which one, and honestly I don’t care. I just wanna get back.”

“But how are we going to know where to go? I mean, like, I don’t see anything out there except...” You gaze out into the distance, “Water.”

“We’ll figure it out,” He grunts as he hops into the boat, “For now let’s just get your boat back and running.”

You climb on after him and awkwardly stand there, unsure what to do as he begins fumbling with the transmission.

“Where do you keep the spare key?” JJ asks and turns towards you.

“Uh…” You trail off.

He raises his eyebrows at you, expecting an answer. When you don’t say anything else, he narrows his eyes, “Don’t tell me you don’t know where you left the spare key.”

“I didn’t even know boats had spare keys,” You reply.

He stares at you as if you just told a joke. “You’re kidding me, right? This is your boat, how do you not know where you keep your shit?”

“I mean, I… I’m sure it’s somewhere—”

“Jesus Christ,” He cuts you off and turns back to the wheel, “I’ll look in the glove box, just go check out the engine and make sure we won’t have any problems there.”

You feel your heart start to quicken its pace as you slowly make your way to the back of the boat. You may be Sarah Cameron’s cousin, and may have spent a lot of time boating with the kooks and the pogues, but you sure as hell don’t know how they work. You’ve lived on the mainland for most of your life, only moving to the OBX last year or so. How the hell were you supposed to know?

You lean your head over the back of the boat and look at the engine. Everything seems to be in place, but considering the fact you don’t exactly know what ‘in place’ consists of, you doubt JJ will take your word for it.

“I think you should just look,” You suggest to him over your shoulder.

He’s suddenly next to you. “What are you doing?”

“Checking the engine?” You say, the insecurity regarding your lack of boating knowledge evident in your tone.

He deadpans you. “You need to check the actual system.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not sure how to exactly do that.”

JJ looks at you with a dumbfounded expression, “How do you own a boat and not know anything about it?”

You throw your arms up in defence and mimic your previous thoughts, “I’ve only lived in the OBX for about a year, basically one summer. How am I supposed to know? I’ve never even driven it myself more than twice.”

“Yeah, of course not. Mommy and Daddy just paid thousands for a brand-spanking new Hydra-Sport to give to their daughter who knows absolutely nothing about it.”

You furrow your brows, “It’s not like I asked for it—”

He lets out a dry laugh as he begins to lift the top of the system deck, “Oh, right. My bad. Why on Earth would a rich chick care about actually using a top-of-the-line boat, when she can just sit there and look pretty with all her other kook friends?”

Your cheeks spot pink and you cross your arms, “Well since you apparently know so much about everything pertaining to boats, you should have no problem assessing the engine.”

“Just go find the damn spare key, Y/N.” He shakes his head at you.

You roll your eyes but do as he says. You reach your hand into the open glove compartment and shuffle through the rest of the storage until you come into contact with a small silver piece of metal. You pull it out and see a key in your hand.

You begin to turn back towards JJ, “Found it.”

He doesn’t answer you, and instead looks deep in thought as his hands are moving around all the wires and engine parts you can’t recognize.

“JJ?”

“The fuel lines are completely pinched.” He says, a cold expression hardening his features.

“What does that mean?” You naively inquire.

You jump at his outburst. “It means we can’t fucking start the boat, Y/N!”

“What? Are you serious?” You begin to panic, “That can’t be right. Look again.”

He stands up rather quickly, “Oh, I’m sorry. Would you like to check it out for yourself?” Sarcasm drips from his voice, as you both know damn well you can’t contribute.

He snatches the key from your hand and forcefully inserts it in the ignition. He turns it over and over. A pathetic sputtering can be slightly heard, but other than that, nothing.

“Fuck!” JJ shouts, pounding his fist against the wheel. “The battery’s fried.”

You feel light headed as the reality of your situation finally sets in. With the boat not working, you two have ultimately no way off this godforsaken piece of land.

“What— What do we do?” You sputter. “We can’t… We can’t leave without a boat, I mean, who knows how far we are from home?!”

JJ leans his head against the wheel, slumped over and breathing heavily. He’s mumbling ‘I don’t know’ under his breath, his knuckles lacking colour from gripping the wheel so tight.

“JJ! Hello?! What the hell are we gonna do—?!”

“Jesus— Y/N, I don’t fucking know!” He shouts, standing up and grabbing your shoulders, “I don’t know!”

Tears brim your eyes. You feel like you can’t breathe. “This is your fault!” You spit, shoving your finger into his chest. “I told you to turn around! I fucking told you, and you didn’t listen!”

He lets go of you, running his hands through his hair in frustration. He doesn’t get another word out before you continue to yell at him, fully sobbing now. “You know, I might not know the first thing about how the stupid engine of a boat functions, but at least I have the common fucking sense to not drive straight into a goddamn storm!”

“I was just trying to find our friends!”

“Yeah, and look at what you did instead!” You cry.

He closes his mouth, face red with either anger, realization, annoyance, shame, or all of the above. You don’t know. All you can gather is that he understands the situation you’re both stuck in.

“You lost us, too.”

That seems to get him, as he appears to be at a loss for words. His shoulders slump in defeat, though his jaw remains clenched with fists frozen by his side.

He doesn’t say any more to you, and instead shoulders past you and jumps off the side of the boat. You watch him angrily stalk back to the island.

You don’t have the energy to go after him and try and find a solution, at least not right now. So you resort to falling down on your knees, back hitting the edge of whatever is left of your boat’s once pristine leather seats. You wrap your arms around your legs, bury your face in your hands, and weep.

You don’t know how much time passed since you cried yourself dry. But considering you have no way of knowing, you close your swollen eyes, listen to the sound of absolute stillness under the setting sun, and fall asleep to the slight rocking of your boat.

~ ~ ~

When you open your eyes again, it’s dark. Well, you definitely didn’t get a good night’s rest, that’s for sure. But given the circumstance, you’re glad you got at least what seems to be a quick nap. The last thing you saw painting the sky before you fell asleep was orange and pink as the sun melted down beneath the horizon line, and now, in its place, is the illuminating waning crescent moon shining softly over your skin.

You sigh as you slowly lift yourself up from your crouched position in which you fell asleep. Your knees lock slightly when standing, and you raise your arms over your head to stretch out all the ache from your cramped muscles.

A yawn escapes your lips and you stare at the pathetic boat you’re standing in. “Unbelievable,” You mutter to yourself, “All this money, you’d think it’d buy some back-ups.” The events from the previous hours linger in your thoughts, “But it did come with a manual… That I probably should have read. JJ was right.” Speaking of JJ, where is he?

You spin around on your heel and squint through the night at the island. All you can see was a large patch of sand, some rocks, and a few scattered trees. Well, the island was definitely small, you can even see the end of it from your position in the water. He couldn’t be far.

He must be thirsty, and he’s definitely hungry. You didn’t have to know JJ for that long for you to be aware of his immense appetite. You walk over to the storage unit and luckily find a case of water bottles and a few snacks. You grab a couple granola bars and snack-sized boxes of dry cereal, packing two water bottles under your arm before making your way to the edge of the boat.

You jump off and start walking, keeping your pace straight ahead but your eyesight flickering in all directions, hoping to spot the pogue who you don’t think appreciates your company very much.

It doesn’t take long before a blond head catches your attention. As you get closer to him, you notice he is sitting down against a bent tree stump. It looks like it belonged to a tall tree, considering the height and size of it. It was just tall enough that if you were to sit on top of it, you’d reach about JJ’s height when he’s standing.

Once you’re standing next to him and you’re close enough to see his face, you notice his eyes are fluttered shut. He looks so peaceful that he might be sleeping. You gently nudge his leg with your foot to see if you’d get any indication that he was awake, but his rhythmic breathing remains, toned chest slowly rising and falling with each intake of air.

You’ve never really noticed how beautiful he is until now. Seeing him gently sprawled on the sand, one arm thrown over his stomach while the other is resting by his thigh, his slightly sunburnt face glistening under the moonlight— you really get to appreciate his sculpted features.

You were under the impression that he was asleep, so you can imagine the surprise when he opens his mouth and says something.

“How much longer are you gonna continue staring at me?”

You bite your bottom lip in embarrassment. Luckily, the night conceals your flushed cheeks. “I, uh, brought refreshments.”

He opens one eye as you sit down next to him, holding out the snacks and bottle. He stares at your hand for a second before taking them from you.

“Thanks,” He mumbles, sitting up on the stump. “At least you’re somewhat prepared.”

You roll your eyes and twist off the cap of your bottle, “Sorry. I’ll be sure to be extra ready for the next time we get stranded on an island.”

You two sit in silence for a while as you replenish your empty stomach. It’s quiet but not awkward, and for that you are grateful.

He takes one last sip of his water, emptying the bottle before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. And then he looks at you.

Now the awkwardness sinks in, as he’s just watching you chew on your chocolate-chip granola bar. “What?” You ask, a few crumbs falling out of your mouth. You quickly lick your lips to get rid of the excess. He doesn’t say anything for a few more painstakingly long seconds. “Do you want the rest of my granola bar?”

“I’m sorry,” He says.

That catches you off-guard. You aren’t sure what exactly it is that he’s apologizing for. A lot of things happened in just the last day, let alone the past couple months you’ve spent bickering with him. You decide to simply ask him. “For what?”

He lets out a puff of air, bringing his knees slightly up to his chest and resting his arms on them, fingers swirling the ring on his thumb. “I shouldn’t have got upset with you. I got us into this mess. So, I’m–” He looks away. Then looks at you again. “I’m sorry.”

You can tell the guilt has been eating at him, as he hasn’t slept much and is being more quiet than you’ve ever seen him be.

“Hey,” You shoot him a small smile and throw the last cereal packet at him, “Don’t be sorry. This whole thing is so stressful. Besides, you rightfully called me out on the boat. I’ve never been academically inclined but I’ve never felt more stupid.”

He shakes his head, “You’re not stupid. You shouldn’t let me of all people make you feel that way.”

“But you were right,” You shrug. “I don’t know anything about life skills, clearly,” You gesture around the island. “I’ve had everything handed to me basically my whole life. It’s… embarrassing, really.”

“Well, you’re way better off than me.” He slightly chuckles.

You quirk your head at him, “Not necessarily.”

He furrows his brows, confused.

You stretch your legs out on the sand. “You know more than I ever did, about a lot of things. Boats, fishing, money… You can navigate yourself through any situation thrown your way. Pretty much a genius, if you ask me.”

He looks down and presses his lips together, “That’s a bit of a stretch. You wanna talk to a genius, talk to Pope.”

“You’re just a genius in a different way.”

He looks at you with an unreadable expression, almost as if he’s studying your face for any indication that you’re being sarcastic. Finally, he says, “The rest of our friends would disagree. Sometimes I think they’ll eventually get so fed up with me that they’ll want me out.”

You frown at him, “That’s bullshit. They’re definitely worried sick about you right now. They would be nowhere without you. I mean… I would be nowhere without you. You deadass saved my life.” You don’t like the fact that he’s so insecure. Besides Sarah, you’ve secretly admired him the most out of everyone. In an effort to make him see that, you continue, “You are the most loyal friend I’ve ever seen— Hell, you literally drove out into a storm to save your best friends!”

But he just shakes off your comments, and you decide not to push it any further. You didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. A few more minutes go by as you both finish your snacks, when you suddenly notice you’re getting a slight chill. Being on land this far out into the ocean with no shelter causes the night breeze to nip at your skin. You wrap your arms around yourself, but your flimsy tank top isn’t doing much for you.

“Are you cold?” JJ asks. He must have noticed the goosebumps covering your skin.

“A little,” You say, then shoot him a playful glare, “but I can’t start a fire.”

He purses his lips as he tries to stop the corners of his mouth from curving up into a smirk. “I can.”

You grin at him, “See? Genius.”

He smiles and gathers a bunch of leaves and twigs before piling them up in front of you both, and he gets started. You watch him work for a bit, finding yourself embarrassingly infatuated with him. You aren’t sure where this sudden attraction came from. You suppose maybe it was always there, just shielded by your thoughts that kept telling you he finds you insufferable. But, God, you sure hope he didn’t think of you like that, because right now as you sit watching the focused look on his face and his strong arms flex while he utilizes his survival skills, you can’t help but find him so incredibly sexy.

You lean back on your elbows, trying to distance yourself from him so you don’t give yourself away, but you feel something hard in the back pocket of your shorts. Your eyes widen as you remember what’s there. Thank God you had zippers on your shorts, or it would have for sure been lost.

“JJ! Oh my gosh,” You squeal excitedly as he looks up at you. You reach into your pocket and pull out a hot pink lighter.

An amused expression tints his once determined face, “You couldn’t find that before I wasted all this time doing it the natural way? I was almost done.”

You laugh and flick the lighter on, moving the flame to the spark he was just creating, and it breathes to life. The fire soars higher than you thought it would, causing you both to jump. You both laugh at your surprise. He pushes his golden hair out of his face, looking at the flames. Seeing his face glow a vibrant orange was like looking at the sun.

Then suddenly he says, “I would do it for you too, ya know.”

“Hm? Do what?”

“Drive into a storm, if I had to.” He shyly looks at you. “You know I would do that for you too, right?”

The heat you were receiving from the fire seemed to spike in temperature at his words. You knew you were kind of a part of their group, but you wouldn’t guess in a million years that he would consider you as one of their own.

“Glad you said that,” You wink and pull a plastic bag from the same pocket you retrieved the lighter from, “‘Cuz I also happen to keep my joints in plastic bags to protect them from water. I’ll share.”

“Woo!” He howls into the night, and you laugh once again. He scoots closer to you until your thighs touch, grabbing the lighter as you pull the joint from the bag. You place it in between your lips and he brings his hand up, cupping it around your mouth to shield the flame from the wind as he lights the joint. The close proximity of his body makes you already feel high.

A few hits in, and now you’re definitely feeling it. You can see JJ is too, as his eyes appear glazed and he’s peering at the fire with intense fascination. It makes you laugh.

He slowly turns his head to you, “Why are you laughing?”

You laugh harder, “You’re so funny.”

He chokes out a chuckle, as if he is amused by your amusement, “I’m literally just sitting here.”

“I know!” You snort. “And it’s so funny!”

Now he’s laughing, “You’re so weird!”

“You’ve said that once or twice before!”

“Why are we yelling!”

“I don’t know!” Your stomach hurts from joy. “JJ, we’re on a fucking island!”

“I know that!” He manages to speak through his hysteria, smacking his head back against the tree.

After your laughter settles down and you feel like you can catch your breath, you lean your head against his shoulder. Either he’s too high to realize what you’re doing, or he simply doesn’t mind. You hope it’s the latter, but, regardless, he allows you to stay there.

You feel the vibrations in his throat as he speaks, “You’re very different from Sarah.”

“Good, or bad?” You inquire.

He seems to think about your question for a bit, and before you can assume it’s bad, he says, “I think, good.”

“Hm,” You hum, satisfied. “And you are exactly who I thought you were.”

You feel him grin, “Good, or bad?” He echoes you.

You don’t need to think. “Definitely good.”

That’s the last thing that’s said between the two of you before you fall asleep. And just before you escape into a dream, you feel his head slump down on top of yours.

~ ~ ~

When you awake, he’s gone.

You rub the sleep from your eyes and look around for him. It’s still very quiet on the island, but at least the sun is out and you can hear the waves thrashing around. You stand up and start walking toward the beach, hoping to cool off your burning skin.

As soon as you step into the cool water, feeling immediate relief, JJ’s chirped voice startles you.

“Come on, you little bitch.” It’s coming from the boat, but you can’t see him. You move closer to it, and hear him again. “Just… fucking… work.” He groans loudly.

“JJ?” You ask, standing on your tiptoes to peer over the edge of the boat.

You see him crouched over, shirtless, and yanking at something in the engine. A thin layer of sweat is glistening over his smooth skin. You suddenly want to dive into the ocean.

“Let’s go swimming,” You blatantly say, mimicking your thoughts.

He looks up at you, breathing hard. Oh wow, you think, why is he so…

“I’m trying to fix this boat.”

“You have no tools.”

He narrows his eyes, “Yes, Y/N. Thank you for reminding me.”

“Come on,” You pull off your shirt and toss it over and into the boat, and it lands by his feet. He looks at it, then back up to you. “You’ve probably been out here all morning. Take a break. The water is nice.” You unbutton your jean shorts and start to pull them down as he contemplates your suggestion.

Once your jean shorts accompany your t-shirt at his feet, he shrugs and stands up, wiping his forehead with his arm, “Alright, fuck it.”

You grin and turn back to the ocean, diving head first into the clear waters. He joins you not long after, gracefully swimming over to you. When he throws his head out of the water, splashing you in the process, he says, “You’re right, feels good.”

You stare at his blue eyes, which seem even brighter under the morning sun. “You know, we don’t really need to be in a rush to leave.”

He raises an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” You splash him, “there’s no use putting in all our energy into fixing a boat with a busted engine. Let’s just take the hours as they come, I don’t know, get more food, set up a little shelter in the meantime. And we can work on the boat at our own pace.”

“You mean, I work on the boat while you watch me, sitting there looking pretty.”

You blush. You wonder if there’s some truth behind the common saying he keeps using on you. Sitting there looking pretty.

Shrugging, you say, “Who knows, maybe I’ll learn a thing or two from watching you.”

He lays back, floating in the water, “Time will tell.”

And it does.

~ ~ ~

You two spend the next, what feels like a week, spending your mornings working on the boat, afternoons swimming and having fun, evenings catching fish, and nights talking by the fire.

You actually did end up learning from JJ, a lot more than boats. Sure, you learned what the different components of the engine were and what they did, and how to spear a fish, and how to build a fire. But you also learned about him.

You learned how he grew up, about his childhood and his father and his friendship with each of the pogues. You learned how he counts in his mind to help him fall asleep, how he pushes his hair away from his face when he gets flustered, how he isn’t a big reader but actually has a couple novels he really likes, how he planned on getting by after graduation, and so much more.

You never would have guessed half the things he told you about himself, let alone the fact that he even trusted you enough with it. But you guess that’s what being stuck on an island with one other person does to you.

What at first seemed to be your worst fear, soon became an experience you were actually grateful for.

You are sitting on top of the tree stump that you two sleep at, watching him carve little drawings on the bark with a sharp rock. Like always, he looks real good. Biting your lip, you decide to make a move. Hell, what did you have to lose?

“Hey, JJ?”

“Yeah?”

“Remember when you did CPR on me?”

He looks up at you. “I remember, yes.”

“Did you use mouth-to-mouth?”

He pauses and sends you a knowing gaze. “I had to. Why? Does that bother you—?”

“You wanna do that again?” You blurt out, letting out a little laugh at the absurdity of your comment. “While I’m conscious and aware this time?”

He shoots you a bewildered expression before breaking out into a grin as he lets out a breathy laugh, “You’re so weird.”

“Is that a yes?” You feel your chest get tighter.

He slowly stands up from where he was previously kneeling on the sand.

And then he leans towards you. You were right about the height of the stump; you are face-to-face.

You feel his breath on your face and he hesitantly places his hands on your knees. “Are you sure?” He quietly asks.

You nod, and whisper, “Are you sure?”

“I think so…” He slowly says.

You place one hand on his neck, keeping the other holding you steady on the stump. As you get closer and your lips brush against his, he says, “Yes, yes I am sure.”

“Okay, then,” You smile, and with that, your mouth is pressed on his.

The kiss is slow at first, as if you are both afraid one of you might instantly regret it and pull back. But neither of you do.

Your legs instinctively open, allowing him to step between them and deepen the kiss. He wraps his arms around your waist, and now with his support, you bury your fingers in his hair. He pushes his tongue gently in your mouth and you sigh with pleasure against his lips.

When his grip on your hips tighten, you squeeze your thighs around his waist and press him even closer to you, causing him to let out a low groan. Your hands are everywhere, absolutely ravishing every inch of him while he kisses you so hard it almost hurts.

After a while, you both pull away, breathless. He presses his forehead against yours and you two remain there until he decides to speak, “Y/N.”

“Yeah?” You breathe out.

“I managed to get the backup generator going.”

You pull away and look at him, amazed. “What? When?”

“Like,” He scrunches his nose, “Two hours ago.”

You laugh in relief, “Holy shit, why didn’t you tell me?!”

He shrugs, smiling a sheepish grin, “I dunno. Guess I was waiting for something like this to happen before we went back to normal life.”

“Oh my God,” You close your eyes and shake your head, the smile not leaving your face.

He kisses your forehead, “Shall we?” He leans back and holds out his hand for you, to which you happily take and hop off the stump. You two run together to the boat, and he turns on the generator. As soon as it starts, you feel tears clouding your eyes.

“Holy shit, JJ. You did it, you actually fucking did it. You’re amazing.” You laugh, covering your mouth in excitement.

He grins at you and says, “Your constant words of affirmation really helped.” He teases.

“A genius!” You exclaim, throwing your arms up in the air in celebration. He laughs, and surprises you by wrapping his arms around you, hugging you so tight that he slightly lifts you off your feet.

When you release each other, you waste no time with inserting the spare key in the ignition.

“Okay,” You breathe, “Moment of truth.”

JJ looks slightly nervous. Your hands are shaking as you turn the key. You turn it more and more until…

The boat roars to life.

You scream, jumping up and down, and he’s quick to join you in your loud triumphs. In this moment of pure adrenaline, you grab his face and kiss him. He immediately kisses you back, and you can feel his relief oozing out of him.

“Okay, okay,” You say, forcing yourself to pull away from him. “Let’s go, this backup generator won’t run forever.”

And you two are off.

~ ~ ~

After what seems like hours, you manage to make out the outlines of the OBX in the distance.

“I see it, JJ! It’s right there! Holy fuck!” You grab his arm to get his attention.

“Good, because your boat only has a little juice left in her.” He replies, though you can’t help but notice the slight tinge of worry in his tone.

You chew the inside of your cheek, “But we’ll make it, right?”

He hesitates before answering. But the look on his face tells you that he can’t be certain.

“Okay…” You slowly say, placing your hands on your hips as if to hold yourself upright. “It’s okay. We’ll make it.”

He nods at you and speeds up the boat.

You only make it a couple miles further before you hear a sickly sputtering come from the engine.

“Fuck,” JJ grunts, steering even harder. You try not to let panic overcome you, but you feel lightheaded. He notices, “It’s okay, Y/N. Don’t worry. I’ll get us home one way or another. We’re close enough.”

You look out at the remaining distance. “It’s so far to swim, though.” You get quieter.

“Hey,” JJ stops what he’s doing and grabs your face. “Look at me,” You do. “We’ll get back. I promise.” All you can do is nod, and trust him.

You get the life jackets out from the storage, preparing for what you may have to do.

And what you’re afraid of comes true. The boat comes to a stop. You and JJ face each other, but looking into his reassuring gaze, you don’t feel as afraid as you normally would.

You start putting on the lifejackets in silence, until that silence is broken.

“JJ? Y/N? HOLY SHIT!”

You whip your head around to the frantic voice calling your name, and you almost fall to your knees in relief with what you see.

It’s Pope, and Kiara. And they are on the HMS Pogue. Coming to you.

“Oh my God!” Kiara shouts, and she starts yelling at Pope to go faster.

You yell out to them, full on crying at this point. JJ is screaming beside you, “Yes! Holy shit, YES.”

Both of you laughing in relief and sheer happiness, you can’t help but be drawn to JJ. He is evidently feeling the same way because he picks you up and spins you around. Right before he puts you down, he presses a big, wet kiss on your lips.

Pope and Kiara are almost right next to you both now in their boat, and they waste no time jumping into yours, hugging you both.

“HOLY SHIT YOU’RE BOTH OKAY! And you just kissed--? BUT OH MY GOD YOU'RE BOTH OKAY!" Pope shouts, squeezing you both. "We were looking for you guys for so long!” Kiara is quick to join as you feel her slender arms wrap around you as well.

When you all release each other, Pope says, “We thought you were dead, you have no idea how scared we were. I mean, first John B and Sarah… We couldn’t lose you too.”

Kiara smiles and turns to you, “Not gonna lie, I kind of knew JJ would be okay, the slick bastard always knows a way out. But I wasn't sure if you’d still be in one piece too, Y/N.”

You don’t even get the chance to defend yourself before JJ is wrapping his arm around your shoulders, grinning ear-to-ear and pulling you into his side. “Hey, come on guys. You know this, already.” He turns to you and smiles.

“You can’t kill a pogue.”

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