rat-cant-write

[rat-cant-write]

some ramblings of an oc about Stuff and Things

when your card declines at therapy so they bring out your older sister and she tells you you’re just like her. when you want to scream at her and bring everything down with you, cling onto it with bloody claws and hold on till there’s nothing left to grip because she left you here. she left you to die. she knew that you would die here if she left and she did.

but

this will kill you in the end, it would still have been your downfall if she stayed. you know that now. you’ve watched your friends, your siblings leave this world far too early. it’s not her fault things are this way. she never had that much power. you can see that now. and you understand why she did it. you’ve thought about doing it too because the only way you’re guaranteed to survive this is to leave. leave everything and everyone you’ve ever know, pack your shit and run in the middle of the night, not tell anyone what you’re doing (just like she did)

you hate her, she’s caused you so much pain and suffering, yet you understand her, you see her tired eyes in the mirror. she’s your enamy and you’re reflecting, the mirror you’re gazing into and the shards of glass in your hands. and you know it’s the same for her. she’s watching you become what she once was, angry and desperate and claws and teeth.

maybe she’s not so bad in the end. maybe you’re both just trying to survive in the end. you might have been collateral damage but what seventeen year old is thinking about the collateral damage really. she hurt you. but maybe those claws were brandished in fear not anger