ratsummer

[ratsummer]

Perpetua and sick baby dew

The cold didn't linger long, which Perpetua had been grateful for. It has been annoying to get sick so soon after coming to the ministry but he wasn't really all that surprised, new people meant new germs.

At least it had only been a cold and not something that put him out of commission for too long. He didn't have time to get sick with the tour rapidly approaching. Copia had made sure he rested, bringing tea from Mountain and soup from Cumulus, he felt better in no time…not to mention the visits from a few quintessence ghouls…

He was on his way there now, heading to the ghoul wing to meet with the ghouls, to thank them for helping and to go over a few things before they had to leave in the coming days. He wasn't as nervous around them anymore, they welcomed him easily and he appreciated them deeply. They never pushed when he went silent, they just smiled and switched effortlessly to sign with him.

He'd gotten quite close with Dew, the fire ghoul also having moments of prefered silence when his mind was just too loud. There was a deep understanding there that Perpetua had been surprised by but grateful for nonetheless. It was also because Dew just had a Peaceful disposition. Even when little he radiated light, something everyone was drawn to and comforted by.

He had a little smile on his face when he got there, entering the den with only a slight bit of hesitation that still clung to him. He was greeted with smiles and a chorus of hi Papa's. It made him feel welcomed and warm, a feeling of belonging.

His brow furrowed as he looked around, noticing Dew was nowhere to be seen, big or little. Mountain noticed.

“He's in the infirmary. He caught that cold so he's down there being monitored until it passes.”

His heart sank. “Did…did I get him sick?” He knew that he had asthma but he had no idea it was severe enough to land him in the infirmary.

“No. Anytime anything goes around he catches it. Anyone of us could have passed it along to him.” Cumulus assures him, her cool hand squeezing his shoulder soothingly.

He nods but he still feels a lingering guilt that he could have possibly gotten him sick. He shakes it off as best as he can and they sit to chat about tour for a while.

When they finish he says his goodbyes and makes a quick decision. He heads to the library and scopes out a few books he thinks the tiny fire ghoul may enjoy, at least if he's little by the time he gets down to visit him…otherwise he might feel foolish.

Secondo waves at him from his spot by the fireplace as he reads, legs crossed with a mug sitting on his knee. Perpetua waves back before leaving with his arm full of books.

He hadn't been to the infirmary yet, minus a small peek inside as he was shown around the Abbey. It's not overly busy which he is glad for and Aether spots him quickly, waving with a big warm smile.

“Hey papa, what brings you here? Feeling ok?”

“Oh, yes I'm fine I was actually hoping to visit with Dewdrop if he's up for it.”

Aether glances at the books hes holding and his smile softens. “He'd love that. Follow me, he's got his own room since he's here so often.”

It breaks his heart to hear. He's still got so much to learn about each of the ghouls. He knows it'll come with time.

He follows Aether to the sink where he's told to wash his hands before the quint gives him a mask to put on. He does without question, wanting Dew to be as safe as possible while he visits.

He can hear him babbling, his voice rough from the illness in his lungs. He peeks around Aether and sees Omega sitting beside the baby while he plays with his star.

He claps when he sees Aether and Perpetua. “Peepa!”

He can't help but laugh a little. “Hello little one.”

“Papa came to visit and he brought you books!” Aether tells him excitedly, making the little ghoul clap again.

“Books!”

Omega kisses the top of his head and gets up to leave the space for Perpetua.

“You'll have to sit on the bed with him, he won't be happy otherwise.”

“Oh…well alright.” He carefully takes the spot Omega opened up for him and Dew immediately leans against him, the usually hot ghoul shockingly cold. “Is that…normal?”

“Weird fire ghoul thing.” Aether laughs. “If you need anything just call out, I'll be close.”

He gets more comfortable and begins reading, taking joy in Dew's chubby little fingers pointing at the pictures and the way he babbles along with the story.

They read together until Dew yawns, grabbing his soother all by himself and curling up against Perpetua's side.

“More book p’ease.” It's muffled by the soother but Perpetua nods.

He happily reads, lowering his voice as Dew drifts off to sleep. He keeps reading until Aether comes in.

“He likes you.” He laughs softly.

“Well the feeling is mutual. Is he doing ok?”

“He's doing better now, the first few days are the hardest but he's alright. We just keep him down here to be safe.”

He nods, looking down at the sleeping baby. “I'm glad he has all of you.”

“He's got you now too.” Aether smiles, nudging his shoulder. “You're part of our pack too, ya know?”

Perpetua ducks his head, smiling against the sting of tears. “Thank you, Aether.”

“Wanna stay a bit longer?”

“Is that ok?”

He nods and leaves again, leaving Perpetua to continue reading to the soundly sleeping little ghoul.

[ratsummer]

The full fan zine is done! If you’d like to see a full high resolution version it’s on my linktree for anyone to download which I’ll add the link for down here! And as always I’m more than happy for anyone to share or use my work as pleased with credit!

[ratsummer]

SASSY PETTY MOUNTAIN ALERT

mountains been a good boy for TOO LONG. he said "no 😌" and i say let him be a petty bitch.

[ratsummer]

new ghoulette design SHES A BADDIE I LUV HER

i actually couldn’t decide on a color palette so i did several here’s the rest of them that i like a bit less than the first one :

[ratsummer]

copia would always sing old italian lullabies to the ghouls when they were injured, sick, or sad on tour. dew would pretend to hate it. he'd roll his eyes and grumble something about "ancient bedtime crap," but it got to him. made him melt every time.

since breaking his foot, he keeps catching himself humming them absentmindedly. while putting his boot on in the morning. while re-stringing his guitar before a ritual. while staring at the ceiling of his bunk at 3am. he'd never admit it, but it helps in a way the pain meds can't.

[ratsummer]

In all of the excitement I forgot about this Ifrit/Rain doodle

[ratsummer]

Perpetua regresses

Cw: some negative self talk

He's not sure what wakes him but he's awake now, lying in his bunk with his eyes glued to the ceiling, mind fuzzy. He's not sure what this feeling is but he's sure he doesn't really like it. He doesn't feel sick, but he doesn't really feel all the way like himself either.

It scares him, he feels foggy and all wrong. He curls up on himself in his bunk, pulling his knees up to his chest and trying to stay calm. He finds himself wanting comfort, something like what Dew offered him the other night but he doesn't want to be a pest.

He's papa for goodness sake! It's not their job to comfort him!

The edge of his blanket finds its way into his mouth and it offers something like comfort, something he doesn't want to think about too much. He'd seen them little, he's not stupid, he understands regression, Copia had made sure of it but he'd never mentioned that maybe…maybe Perpetua might do it too.

He tries to shake his head but he can't get rid of the gnawing feeling that this is what it is. He wants to cry, this isn't right! None of the others do it. Is he somehow defective? Is he broken in some way that can't be fixed? Is it enough for them to remove him? To cast him out of the church and away from his found family? From Copia?

After all this time he doesn't think he can take it. He decides no one will know, he'll keep it to himself and no one will ever find out. He's not a ghoul, it's not physical for him, it shouldn't be too hard…

It turns out to be very hard.

He finds himself waking up like this a lot, hiding in his bunk until he thinks he can compose himself well enough in front of the ghouls. He's glad it hasn't happened during a show so far…he knocks on wood when the thought crosses his mind.

Perpetua is struggling one morning, still tired and sore, just wanting something he's too afraid to ask for. Phantom is little and excited as ever to see him, bouncing over with all the energy in the world.

“H-hi papa! Did y- you sleep good?”

He flinches at the word ‘papa’, a title he's now even more sure he doesn't deserve. He feels lost, like the world is slipping out from beneath him.

“P-papa?”

He wants to cry, he wants to hide under his blanket and never come out.

Mountain takes notice first, pulling the little ghoul back just slightly. “Let's let Perpetua wake up a bit more, hm?”

Phantom nods before bouncing off to their toys that they had been playing with. Mountain glances at him, seeming to study the space around him.

“Are you feeling ok, Perpetua?”

“M’fine…jus…just sleep-tired. I'm tired.”

The earth ghoul nods slowly. “You can sleep more, we've still got a ways to go.”

His voice is soft and Perpetua struggles to stay standing where he is. He almost sways with the want to get close.

Mountain notices again and smiles. “You can lay beside me if you want? I won't let you roll off.”

He's trying to joke to make it easier but he's still stuck like a deer in headlights.

Phantom giggles. “I rolled o-off once!”

“I'll jus…back to my bunk…”

“Ok. Let me know if you need anything ok?”

He climbs back into his bunk quickly and cries softly into his pillow, yanking his blanket back up to his mouth for comfort. He can't do this! He can't be like this!

Eventually he falls asleep and when he wakes, it's silent and the bus has stopped. He's still fuzzy and he peeks out to see mountain still sitting there, reading by himself.

He glances up when he feels eyes on him and smiles, waving a little bit. “Everyone else is out for a while, I stayed so you could keep sleeping.”

He frowns. “Don't need a babysitter…”

“Wanna talk about what's going on?”

“Nothins goin on. M’fine.”

Mountain sets his book aside and pats the space beside him, waiting patiently until Perpetua eventually comes over.

“Is this the first time this has happened?”

His eyes get wide. “How do you know?”

“It's ok. I can see it. Your aura is different.” He reaches out his hand waiting until he takes it. “You're safe.”

“I-I can't be like this.”

“Why not?”

“I'm…I'm sposed to be the leader right?”

“You are. You're just wired a little different, your brain just needs a different kind of break and that's ok. There's nothing wrong with you.”

“But…but the others don't. Why me?”

“I don't know how it works. I don't know why some of us regress but others don't, it just is the way it is. You don't love us less for it right? You still see us as capable don't you?”

“Y-yeah…course I do.”

“Then what makes you think it'd be any different? We still love you, you're still our papa. There's just another layer to you. It's special.”

“I don't…I'm not papa like this.” The last two words trail off in a whisper and he blinks his big wet eyes at mountain. “Doesn't feel right.”

“Ok. Is Perpetua ok or is there something else you want to be called?”

“M’names ok.”

Mountain smiles again. “Thank you for telling me, that was brave.”

“Really?”

“It was!”

“What about the others? Can…can they tell?”

“Phantom will be able to. The others can't see it like we can but they'll figure it out, especially Dew. He knows everything.” He playfully rolls his eyes and Perpetua laughs a little. “I can help tell them if you want. You don't have to be alone.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Mountain gently keeps him talking for a while, learning more about the little boy as he goes. He smiles when he gets excited about something and he answers every question thrown his way. Mountain remembers how scary it had been to regress the first time and he's glad he's there to help.

Perpetua clings to him when the others come back, hiding his face against the giants shoulder.

“It's alright. No one will judge you, remember?”

Dew cocks his head. “Everything ok?”

“Want me to tell them or would you like to?”

“You.”

“We've got a new little one on board.”

It's that easy, he says it like it's no big deal, easy as breathing.

“Where?” Phantom asks, peeking around looking for another child.

“Perpetua is little.” Mountain tells him. “It's different for him. But you see his aura? How it's different than usual? That is what it looks like for him. He's not physically smaller but mentally he's little just like you.”

He cant bring himself to look but he knows eyes are on him and he clings harder.

Phantom still seems a little confused but they nod. “W-wanna see my bat?!”

He peeks around Mountain and nods. He likes bats…

Phantom scurries off and everyone moves to their own spaces, not crowding or bombarding him with questions. Dew smiles at him before he passes and Perpetua feels himself return it.

Phantom sprints back. “This is Drake!”

They let Perpetua hold their stuffy and his eyes go soft as he runs his fingers over it's soft body.

“Next time we stop, we can find you something you like. Does that sound good?”

“I…really? I can have one?”

“Of course you can! We all do. My bunny is in my bunk.” He runs his fingers through Perpetuas hair.

He hands the bat back to Phantom before curling up beside Mountain, pulling his shirt up into his mouth.

“Tired.”

“It was a big day. Get some sleep. We'll all be here.”

He blinks up sleepily and Mountain can so easily see the little boy in his eyes. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

[ratsummer]

Just imagine Copia handling treats and being followed by a bunch of whining and tail wagging ghouls.

[ratsummer]

If I haven’t mentioned it before, StoryGraph is a GoodReads-esque platform but BETTER!

Run by a woman of color

Has the ability to track your progress through multiple mediums with fun colorful visuals

You can friend people

YOU CAN IMPORT YOUR GOODREADS DATA and not have to start from scratch

It’s just the coolest book tracking app and I have no idea how I’ve lived without it for so long!!

[ratsummer]

May I ask for Rain and Dew absolutely smothering Phantom because his anxiety is acting up really bad and the dp helps calm him down

I haven't just written something inside of tumblr without even opening a doc in a long time. Let's give it a go! 1100 ish words of Phantom having a meltdown, Rain and Dew being sweet. And maybe Dew having secret perv thoughts. Also everyone always puts cute or pretty gifs in their writing. Well I feel this one works.

"Where's Phantom?"

"I don't know, actually. Where is he?" Dew craned his neck from his seat on the edge of a folding chair, his eyes drifted away from the knot he was trying to pick out of his laces to Rain's face, creased with worry.

"I'm sure he's around? I mean, he can't have gone far." Words meant to self-soothe but they weren't doing a particularly good job. Rain's legs were already absentmindedly directing him toward the labyrinth of hallways.

"You wanna go look? I wanna go look." 

Rain gave Dew a small smile, a silent thank you for taking his worries and making them his own. For not making Rain ask him to go searching for Phantom, for not making him feel like he was concerned about nothing.

For not making Rain explain again that he was worried about the new summon; that despite appearances and reassurances, Rain saw the raw skin beside his thumbnails, the bruised circles carved beneath his eyes, the food he pushed around his plate but never into his mouth.

All of them were nervous, Papa was nervous. It was their first ritual together, at least with this iteration of the band. One without the steadying presence of Aether, the calming comportment of Sunny.

Dew abandoned the knot in his laces and followed Rain out of the greenroom, leaving the various satellite groups of crew and ghoul alike to continue eating, talking, vibrating with excitement about kicking off the tour. 

They weaved in and out of the hallway snaking to the rear of the building, still short one quintessence Ghoul and running out of hiding places.The clack of heeled boots finally revealed his location.

“Hey, what’re you doing back here?” Here being a darkened stairwell that led to the catwalks up above the stage.

Whether Phantom heard Dew’s voice or their approach, they weren’t sure. He didn’t react. He just kept up his pacing, 3 steps forward, 5 steps across, 3 steps back, 5 steps over, around and around and around. 

Dew, watching him move in the small space felt his own head spinning with vertigo eventually and tore his eyes away to look at Rain, who stood frozen, his arm halfway extended, as if he were about to stop Phantom in his tracks. 

“Hey bug, you’re gonna wear holes in your soles. Why don’t you slow down a little?” Phantom’s eyes flit up to Dew’s and then fell back on the toes of his shiny new boots. He did however finally stop moving. 

Neither Dew nor Rain were really sure what to do. Neither had really made progress in getting to know the ghoul. What they saw during practice, a charismatic ghoul who was little bit goofy, but also full of joy, had yet to reveal itself in alternate scenary. 

“Are you nervous? That’s okay. It’s normal. We all were, and we still are.” Rain took small steps toward him as he spoke, he half expected Phantom to arch his back and howl like a scared cat. 

Phantom wanted to answer them, but he couldn’t escape the feeling that if he opened his mouth, all of his insides would come spewing out. Not the contents of his stomach, his lungs, his heart, his spine. He felt like his silence was the only thing keeping his body glued together. Even then he felt the bonds weakening when he looked up at the concerned ghouls in front of him.

“You don’t have to speak. Just - if there’s anything we can do, can you nod?” 

Phantom considered whether he could do as Dew asked, whether communicating with him would cause everything to spiral out of control. Whether it would disturb the peace he’d made with that square meter of concrete in the back of the venue.

He nodded slowly, eyebrows quirking up in surprise that in fact, the ground beneath his feet had not shifted or crumbled. 

“Good. Okay, do you want water?” No.

“Food?” No.

“Do you want anyone other than us?” No

“Do you want to go outside?” No.

Guilt began to tear at the threads of reality Phantom had clung to since finding the quiet space. Rain and Dew watched him wring his hands in consternation, subconsciously mimicking him, Dew twisted his fingers together, feeling like they were failing him.

“Do you want a hug?” Rain’s voice made them both jump a little. 

Phantom nodded his head in affirmation and Rain felt the coil twisting in his chest loosen a little. 

Neither had really touched the ghoul, and once again they approached him as they would a feral cat, all but sticking their hands under his nose for him to sniff. Not that they were afraid he would bite or claw, they were afraid he would run.

Rain reached out first, wrapping his arms around Phantom’s tense shoulders, loose, and hopefully non-threatening. Still he felt the ghoul tense under his touch. 

Dew reached for his arm, a barely there pat to his bicep, and the ghoul visibly cringed.

“We’re sorry, you can change your mind. I don’t know - we can get Swiss, or Cirrus, or Papa.”

“No”, His voice came out as a croak, his throat dry and tight from his panic induced fugue. 

“What can we do?” 

“Just - you can touch me, but harder. I dunno why. When I feel - like this, those light touches make my skin crawl. I’m sorry - s’not your fault. I don’t - I don’t -”

“Ah.” Rain nodded. Dew was the same, whether he was upset, sad, anxious, he hated gentle, soft. He wanted heavy and solid. 

“It’s okay, I’ll be okay.” Phantom mumbled, feet angling to resume the pattern he’d been wearing into the floor.

Instead, Rain grasped him firmly by the wrists and led him to the wall, pulling the ghoul into his lap and into a most crushing hug, reinforced by Dew, wrapping his arms around the other half of his body. 

They both felt him sag and droop a little. 

“Better?”

Phantom gave them a barely-there nod, as best he could manage with the limited range of movement. Even as compressed as he was, he felt like his lungs were finally able to take in a satisfying amount of air.

“Don’t worry, we have lots of time. Hours in fact.”

Phantom nodded against Rain’s shoulder, beginning to doze off. The two tails snaking around his torso and the rumbling purrs of their owners nudged him over the edge.

“Is he asleep?” Dew whispered.

“Yeah. He’s drooling on me. Reminds me of someone.”

“Shut up. - Hey, if he likes this maybe he’ll like that other thing you do.”

“One step at a time.”

As Phantom’s mind swam between the conscious and unconscious world, he wondered what the other thing was. 

[ratsummer]

Cardi fanart

[ratsummer]

so, about those angsty swaeon thoughts...

It's later than usual by the time they make it to the hotel, and Dew's so tired he can barely stand up straight. He was already limping with the damn boot strapped to his leg, but the exhaustion makes it that much worse. He's more hobbling now, at the back of the pack while the others make their way to the lobby - all close enough to touch, yet draped in distance and dense quiet.

No one has spoken much since they watched Swiss be whisked away the moment they'd stepped off stage. Taken by the arm by a pair of men none of the ghouls knew by sight but who wore the clothes of the clergy, escorted down a long hall and around a corner before any of them could even call after him. They'd known he was leaving tonight, Copia's notice recalling him showed up two days ago, but the suddenness, the shock of seeing it? Well, none of them could have predicted that.

A soft, worn voice had sliced through the weight of their silence, heavy footfalls accompanying the words.

"He is...an incredible kisser."

V was softly caressing his own paint-smeared lips as he said it, and the five pairs of infernal eyes that flicked to focus on him all held different intent.

They're all still feeling out their new frontman - one who doesn't particularly enjoy being called Papa, something Dew and Mountain in particular have been struggling with - and while none of the ghouls bear him any ill will, it's true enough that there's a lot of trust still to build. They weren't looking at him with disdain, nothing so sharp - just the weighty stares of five ghouls who had all lost someone yet again, and far too soon.

Aeon, though, hadn't been looking with them. When Dew turned his attention from V, already headed down the hall, he'd found Aeon still staring at that distant corner. He hadn't so much as twitched since Swiss vanished beyond it from the look of things, and Dew's stomach had done an all-to-familiar flip.

Changing had happened in near-silence, and it's been much the same since then. The trek to the bus, the drive to the hotel and now this walk through the parking lot. Dew can at least ground himself with the pain in his foot and hip, but the others? They hardly seem present. Cirrus stumbles over her words at the concierge desk, keys get fumbled, Aurora can't stop bumping into anyone close to her. There's a faint buzzing in the air, one a human might hear and attribute to fluorescent lighting, but it's a sound Dew is intimately familiar with.

Interpreting the varying hums of quintessence is a skill Dew has honed over the years, but you wouldn't need to be an expert on the subject to read Aeon's mood. He's standing a few steps away, staring at nothing and radiating an invisible aura of discontent. The chill rolling off him would be enough to keep away damn near anyone.

Dew has never minded this particular brand of cold though. He shifts his duffel, readies himself, and -

"Need a lift?"

A large hand cups his shoulder, gives it a squeeze, and Dew leans easily into Mountain's familiar side. His eyes remain on Aeon as the taller ghoul rubs his back, holding up a plastic keycard between two fingers.

"We're roomies," Mountain rumbles, tucking the key into Dew's jacket pocket. "Seventh floor, far end. You can play backpack, if you want."

Dew snorts, looking away to gently headbutt the other ghoul's bicep.

"You know how to treat a girl," he teases, but he's already shuffling around to Mountain's back. As he's hoisted up, Dew catches Aeon trading a few words with Cirrus as he accepts his own keys. Well, one of them at least - he forces the other back into the ghoulette's hand. "You talk to the kid, Mount?"

"Not yet," he replies, getting his arms situated. "Rain was...not great when we were in the showers. He needed me."

Dew nods, rests his chin against Mountain's shoulder. Watches Aeon skulking off to the stairwell, bypassing the elevator bay entirely.

"Just wonderin'." He yawns into the taller ghoul's shirt, grunting at the ache in his foot as he's toted to the elevators. "Hey, catch Cir before we go. Got a question."

He does, Dew gets his answer, and the three of them share a long - if slightly awkward - hug and a series of cheek kisses. Mountain punches the number seven, and the doors close just as a damp-cheeked Aurora shuffles to Cirrus' side.

"Poor things," Mountain sighs, stroking the back of Dew's hand with a rough thumb. "Her and Aeon both."

Dew hums his agreement and nuzzles into the side of Mountain's throat. Inhales the green scent of his soap and the remnants of sweat stuck in his hairline. It's always impossible to really get clean in those venue showers, but Dew isn't complaining. It reminds him of better things. He lets out a long exhale, and Mountain gives his thighs a soft squeeze.

"How are you holding up, Dew?"

The low drone of his voice, familiar and full of too many emotions for Dew to parse right now, sinks straight into his skin. He sigh again, does a little half shrug.

"Shitty, but I did most of my mourning the night he got the notice from Co - I mean, from the Frater."

The silly bit of emphasis he puts on the title is solely to distract himself from the gnawing in his gut, but it has the lovely side effect of pulling a soft laugh from Mountain. They both miss Copia dearly, and they both know that any teasing is just a way to cope.

"How 'bout you, big guy?"

It's Mountain's turn to sigh, to give a half-nod.

"Is it good or bad that I'm getting used to this feeling?"

Dew's been wondering the same thing, but he doesn't know how to say so. He hugs Mountain's shoulders instead, and the rest of the ride passes without a word.

The ding of the door gives way to the warmth of the carpeted hall, and Mountain carries him to the juncture where it splits in two before he speaks again.

"Which way, fireball?"

Dew snakes a hand into his pocket, pulls out two keys - the one for their shared room, and the one he'd had no trouble snagging from Cirrus. The minute or so it's taken to get from the lobby to here hasn't really given him much time to think, but Mountain doesn't seem like he's in a rush so Dew takes some time to weogh his options. His conclusion makes him sigh, and Mountain chuckles.

"Careful, he'll think you're going soft." He nudges Dew’s head with his chin, and the little ghoul makes a dismissive sound.

"I can bully him again tomorrow," he mumbles, kissing Mountain's jaw and giving a squeeze with his thighs. "C'mon, lemme down."

"You sure?" He crouches, knees crackling, but doesn't adjust his grip. "I can do the detour, I don't mind."

"Nah, I can walk. Well, limp," he corrects, hissing as he gets his feet on the floor again. "Besides, it's the opposite direction. Let a guy keep some dignity."

Mountain chuffs out a laugh, leaning down to give Dew a quick peck. Dew gets both hands on his cheeks before he can pull away though, and that quick peck turns into a slow kiss that tastes of cinnamon gum and too many memories. Mountain's eyes look so heavy when they finally part, and Dew imagines his own look the same.

"Just text me if you change your mind," the taller ghoul says softly. "I might try to squirrel Rain away for the night. I think he might need it."

"Don't forget to put a sock on the door, Romeo," Dew quips with a wink and a wave, an attempt to lighten the mood that Mountain reaponds to with a snort, and down the hall he lumbers.

Every step is slower than it should be, and it gives him extra time to think. What should he do? What should he say? He's always had Aether to fall back on in times of loss, but now...he can't focus on that, it'll only make the tightness in his stomach worse. It doesn't help matters that, the closer he gets to Aeon's room, the more he can feel that icy energy pouring into the overwarm hall. It's worst when he's standing right in front of it, dark-stained wood and an electronic lock the only things left between them. Dew's surprised the damn thing isn't frozen over, even if this is a chill only a ghoul could feel.

Good thing he's made of fire.

With a deep breath a a quick beep, Dew lets himself into the pitch dark room - the one Aeon was meant to share with Swiss tonight, if he hadn't gotten that damn notice. Dew shivers, tucking his hands into his pockets at the frigid air bites his skin. The door clicks shut, the only light source a dull nightlight glowing from the bathroom, and it takes a few blinks for him to make out an Aeon-shaped lump on the bed nearest the window. Dew sighs, tossing his duffel on the free bed and sitting gingerly on the edge.

"Hey stardust," he says, soft and easy. "No need to pretend, I know you're awake."

Aeon doesn't answer, and Dew isn't surprised. He can see more clearly now, can see that the other ghoul has curled himself up into the tightest ball possible around one of the bed pillows. Part of Dew wants to just climb in behind him, wrap him up in his three good limbs without a word. Just silent reassurance, the kind he himself sometimes seeks when things are too much. But with how distant Aeon has been tonight - he'd even stayed on the bus instead of getting dinner - he doesn't want to risk it. Instead,

"If you want to be alone just say it," Dew mutters, unlacing his one shoe, shrugging off his jacket. "Otherwise I'm here for the night."

It's all he says, choosing instead to dig through his duffel for the painkillers he'd been given at the hospital. He shakes a couple pills into his palm, grunting as he drags himself to the bathroom. Takes the pills with a palmful of sink water, combs out his hair with his fingera, takes a leak - through it all, Aeon remains silent. Still. The knots in Dew’s stomach grow tighter.

But he doesn't push. Just heads back to the bed, setting his bag on the floor and moving to finally take the stupid boot off his stiff leg.

"Six hours and forty three minutes."

Aeon's voice barely breaks the silence, just loud enough for Dew to hear the hurt in it. He blinks over at the shape of him.

"Huh?"

Aeon doesn't so much move as he deflates, seeming to shrink before Dew's eyes.

"Six hours and forty three minutes," he repeats, jeans swishing against the duvet when he curls up even further. "Since I, uh," Aeon clears his throat, "since we met, I haven't -"

There's a pause, one that sounds a lot like a thick swallow. Then,

"Since I met Swiss, we haven't been apart for...for longer..."

"Than six hours and forty three minutes," Dew finishes for him, fishing for his phone in the pocket of his joggers. Curse the poor kid's photographic memory. "And it's been -"

"Not even eight," Aeon interrupts, with the air of someone who feels awful and absolutely ridiculous at the same time. Dew knows that one well too, but Aeon doesn't need to know it. "Not even eight fuckin' hours, Dew."

He can hear Aeon plucking at something, stitches popping on the hem of his sleeve or maybe the edge of a sheet. This time, Dew doesn't ignore the little voice in his head saying touch. He hops on one foot, scoots up onto Aeon's mattress and it's only at the last second that he pauses, with an open palm hovering over the other ghoul's hip.

"I know the feeling," he says with half a laugh, settling his hand on the bed instead. "S'like you're going insane, isn't it? Like your head's on backwards and the world is upside down?"

Silence. Dew's fingers start to itch. It goes on for too long, and for a second he worries that Aeon is going to lock up on him. The same way he did, back when -

"Why do I already miss him so much?"

Dew's stomach lurches at the words, ones that would feel so at home on his own tongue and yet still hit like a mean right hook. His hand does find Aeon's body then, warm and solid against his spine. He's so cold.

"Because love is pain, bat boy." Dew funnels syrupy warmth through the thin cotton of Aeon's tee, pours it into the pale skin hidden beneath. Aeon doesn't respond, and Dew feels a crease form between his brows. "Hey, I'm being serious here. Can you at least look at me?"

Aeon lets out a mighty huff, but Dew knows he's on the right track when the other ghoul listens. He brings that squished up pillow with him, but he turns over. Dew can see his eyes shimmering even in the dark, and he offers a gentle smile as a reward.

"There you are."

He reaches up, tucks a chunk of hair behind Aeon's pointed ear. Cups his cheek after, just enough to let him feel that cozy heat. Aeon sighs, burying his face into his pillow and looking up at Dew with something between hesitancy and expectation.

"Did..." he chews his lip where Dew can see it, but he's learned how the kid's face scrunches up when he does it. He hears fabric shift, watches Aeon move one hand to his own chest. Right over his heart. "...did it hurt this much when it happened to you?"

So much pain carried in so few words, so much longing that Dew's own heart aches. A flash of memory makes his throat tight, but this isn't about him. This is about Aeon. A long moment passes, heavy and silent, and at long last Dew sighs. He gestures at the bed, and after another breath or two Aeon nods.

"Did I ever tell you -" he murmurs, getting his good leg under him and laying on his side. Propping his head up on an elbow so he can look down at the other ghoul. "- about our first show after Aether retired?"

Aeon shakes his head, and Dew's free hand finds his arm. Rubs a slow back-and-forth while Dew takes a deep breath.

"I was a fuckin' mess," he confesses, thumb swiping under Aeon's sleeve. "Angry, bitter, lonely...didn't matter that everyone else was there, didn't matter that they'd all been around for years. I felt...betrayed, I think is the word? Maybe. I dunno, but it fuckin' sucked is the point."

Aeon blinks at him, and Dew feels him slowly stretch his legs out. Their knees touch, and Dew carefully laces his good leg between both of Aeon's, bleeding heat there too. The air around them has already started to warm, and Dew takes that as a good sign.

"I was an ass to everyone and I have no problem admitting it," he continues, feeling the fingers Aeon had dug into the pillow between them begin to fiddle with his shirt instead. "Because, no matter who was there, Aether wasn't. And I didn't know how to deal."

"I don't remember you being a jerk," Aeon murmurs, and Dew barks out a laugh so sudden it jostles the bed.

"Aeon, I didn't even talk to you first the first two weeks of that tour."

He can practically see the kid blush, even in the dark.

"...oh," comes his sheepish response, and Dew can't help his smile. Just for a second.

"Anger isn't always loud," he says, and the hand on Aeon's arm drifts up towards his face. Long fingers stroking his brow. "And you don't have to be quiet because you're sad. You aren't alone, y'know."

Aeon stares at him for a long, long while. Probably not for as long as Dew thinks he does, but the steady eye contact makes everything feel slower. He can hear every breath they share, the subtle crackle of Aeon's quintessence, the dull thud of someone walking down the hallway. It's all so distant, so distorted, and for a heartbeat the sparkle in Aeon's eyes makes Dew think he's about to be shoved from the bed.

The pillow dividing them sails over him, thuds against the wall, and before Dew knows what's happening he's got a chestful of Aeon. Hands fisted in his shirt, his face buried between them, and Dew wastes no time in wrapping him up in both arms. Pouring as much heat into the poor ghoul's quivering form as he can, combating the cage of ice no doubt working to encase his heart.

"I just...I miss him so much."

"I know, bug." He drops a kiss in Aeon's mussed curls. "I know."

He can feel the moment Aeon breaks, the exact second his paper-thin shield shatters and everything comes pouring out. The tears soak into his shirt, the sound of his sobs muffled by Dew's chest, and all the little ghoul can do is hold him tight and let it happen.

Slowly, the knots in his stomach untie. With every heaved breath and shuddering cry, Dew holds him tighter. Rubs Aeon's back and hums against the top of his head, the way he remembers a certain multi ghoul did for him back in those first days without Aether. He sucks in a deep breath to fight the pressure suddenly building behind his own eyes, and shoves his face into Aeon's hair to distract himself. This isn't about him, after all.

It's a long while before Aeon calms, before his breathing evens out and the fine tremors wracking his surely exhausted body wear off. He's reduced to sniffles now, stuffy-nosed but considerably looser than he has been for the past couple of days. Dew pulls back, just enough to look down at the top of his head.

"You okay?"

It takes a beat, but Aeon nods.

"D'you want me to stay or -"

"Please don't go!" Aeon blurts, looking up at him with wide, puffy eyes. "Dew, you...please, I don't -"

"It's okay," he assures, giving the other ghoul a tight squeeze. "I was planning on staying no matter what you said."

Dew shrugs, gives Aeon a wink, and the tiny, soft smile he gets in return is worth every soaked inch of his shirt. Aeon yawns then, sudden and deep, and he snuggles in close. Dew reaches over to grab the corner of the duvet, dragging it over them burrito style.

"Get some sleep, kid." He presses a soft kiss to Aeon's forehead. "You've earned it."

"But what if -"

"No buts." Dew lets go just long enough to fix a pillow under his neck, gathering him back up easily. "I'll wake you if he calls, I promise." Aeon gives him an owlish blink.

"Wait, how did -"

"Shush, bat boy." Dew bumps their foreheads together. "And sleep."

Aeon doesn't argue further, just smushes his face back into Dew's chest and huffs out an exhausted sound. He nods, says something Dew can't quite make out, and in no time at all his deep breaths morph into soft snores.

It's only then that Dew lets the memory from earlier rear its head.

One of a similar shared room, but filled with a lot more shredded curtains and bloodied sheets. Dew hadn't wanted a soft touch, and Swiss hadn't given it to him. Instead, he'd given him a place to funnel all that pent up frustration, all the misplaced aggression he'd just never known where to put. He wasn't mad at Aether, never had been. Wasn't mad at Copia for approving the retirement either. He was just...alone. For the first time since he'd met Aether, Dew had been without him. Somehow, Swiss had known exactly what he needed. A few choice words were all it took, and after beating the ever-loving shit out of one another Dew remembers crying it out just like Aeon did tonight. Loud and gross and unrestrained, and wrapped in a cage of Swiss' strong arms.

"Gonna miss you, asshole," Dew whispers into the dark, a sniffle not far behind. He looks at the one crack in the heavy curtains, watching the stars sparkling in the midnight sky. "Gonna fuckin' miss you."

His own tears track silently down his cheeks, and Dew holds Aeon so very tight.

[ratsummer]

While I think Umbra is my favourite on Skeleta, I find myself coming back to Cenotaph a lot.

It's an awkward angle to draw a human head at, and I'm not convinced I got it right.

[ratsummer]

Perpetua when the audience told him they wouldn’t be gentle with him

[ratsummer]

Swiss ghoul who has back problems from that one fall, has been playing it off like it was nothing forever, but it’s finally caught up with him and the disks of his lower back are fucked and needs immediate attention from another quint ghoul, probably some form of a procedure and a lot of recovery which means he’s a Pain In Aether’s Side being like no…. Aether please… do it for me handsome….

[ratsummer]

Swiss got called back to the abbey because Frater Imperator couldn't manage on his own and needed a right hand. Aether was too busy running the infirmary to do it, and Cumulus has never been interested in leadership. Swiss though? Swiss can do it. He can do anything for his Papa. He said goodbye in his kiss to V that one night, and then he was gone. Vanished by some clergy underlings.

Aeon, in a small, hollow voice, asks Dew that night if he felt this way when Aether left, a hand over his own heart, and Dew just lets the poor thing cry it out against his chest until he's exhausted and finally asleep.

Then his tears come too.