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i will die your daughter

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why is there always something wrong with me

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this is how i look irl

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you would get me, don’t you? would you be on my side if you were alive?

luckily, you won’t ever have to make that decision. you would have become a good person, something great, someone great. i miss you a lot big brother even if we never met. i’m sure you would have been my closest sibling.

i’m sure it is not a coincidence that i’m the only one who dreamt of you, twice. am i your favorite? don’t worry, i won’t tell them.

there’s a part of you trying to keep me alive but i wish to leave, to grow my wings.

i’m so tired. i feel so guilty, i am wasting the time you could’ve used to do something useful and meaningful.

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I know my life will end in suicide. I'm sure of it.

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i am gonna grow wings (killing myself)

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i don’t do nothing i don’t go out, i don’t create anything, i am useless to myself and other people, i can’t achieve what’s on my mind and i probably never will

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tw su1cide

i’m trying,

really hard.

but no matter what,

i will never be enough.

not good enough as a friend,

as a sibling,

a child,

a student.

not patient enough.

not loud enough to be heard,

not quiet enough to be easy.

never the kind of person

anyone chooses first.

i smile when i’m supposed to,

laugh when it feels empty,

carry weight i can’t explain

because i don’t want to burden anyone.

but it builds.

and builds.

and somewhere in the middle of it all,

i forget who i’m even trying to be.

i will never be enough for anyone

not in the way they need,

not in the way that lasts.

and i’m just trying to make peace

with that conclusion,

to stop fighting a losing war

inside my own head.

maybe if i accept it,

it won’t hurt as much.

maybe if i let go,

i’ll feel something softer

than shame or silence.

maybe.

i just want the noise to stop.

i just want to rest.

i just want to be enough,

for once.

for someone.

for me.

before i’m gone.

~ jay h

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self reflection

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lunch

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i’m gonna attempt during summer. i don’t know when tho. maybe at the end of august, once i’m done with everything i need to do. i am so done with life, i can’t handle it anymore.

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should i just crash out hahahaha!!!!!

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I thought my acc got banned for a sec omg

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