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i just think itd be funny if kittypets were a little more familiar to twoleg things such as: cars and bad words

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Police detective trying to solve a murder who accidentally stumbles onto the victim's neighbour's secret - he's a vampire. Drinks blood, avoids the sun, the whole shebang. He didn't kill her though. So while that's life changing information and whatever it does not help his case one bit

Vampire didn't even know her that well. He caught her cat once when the thing got out and brought him back after sundown. She gave him a cobbler, which he said was very bad, but not the sort of thing you'd do a murder over. "That's not funny," says the cop. "A woman is dead."

And the vampire is like, "Well, I implied that killing her was wrong."

The cop gives up with the vampire. Finds out a lady this woman worked with is like, a witch, or does magic or some shit. Real magic. Cool. She didn't kill her either though. Jesus Christ.

This cop finding an entire magical society and being utterly humourless and annoyed about the entire thing because it's not even helping his CASE

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Experience: Learning the right way to connect the dots.

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okay now I'm curious and I dunno if this is really such an archaic foreign thing to young people today or if I'm just out of touch

Please reblog, I'd love to see a lot of responses!

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Fuck you *migrates to another environment and evolves entirely new characteristics over thousands of years*

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"What do you want from a remake" I DON'T WANT THEM. I DON'T WANT ANOTHER SOULLESS NOSTALGIA-FILLED CASH-GRAB. I DON'T WANT ANY OF THEM. I DON'T WANT ADAPTATIONS THAT KILL THE ORIGINAL MESSAGE OF THE THING THEY WERE BASED UPON NEITHER THE SHOT-BY-SHOT DESATURATED RECREATIONS. I WANT ORIGINAL STORIES!!! NOT REMAKES OF MOVIES THAT AIN'T EVEN 30 YEARS OLD!!!​AAGGGGGHHH

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Being the only bi cis guy amongst almost exclusively trans friends and peers is wild because in theory its like im living in a horny manga where all of a dudes friends turn into hot babes, but in reality they are hunting me like the last bison on the prairie. 5 years ago I mentioned bionicle and one of them asked when I was starting estrogen.

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Explaining to straight adults that much of queer history happened within their lifetime and they were unaware of all the extremely important events and how many laws there were to prevent us from thriving because they werent part of queer circles themselves is like...

-leans in close-

How would you like to know about the war in Ba Sing Se?

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the years have made me weird and strange to talk to. but still i must post

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girl are you a medieval executioner bc you are torturing me with your rack

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y'all know that whole left-brained/right-brained thing is fake right? and the "brain fully develops at age 25" thing? and the "we only use 10% of our brains" thing? yeah they're all complete horseshit please yell at anyone who says them

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this is from a "manipulation advice" video and it's just so fucking funny to me. why didn't I think of responding to insults like this

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Yuri Gagarin, the hobbyist photographer, at home with his wife.

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translation: “My sheep! [bah! bah!] You are my life. [bah! bah!] Walk behind me…[bah! bah!] Sing (after me).”

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Check out my ongoing comic Crow Time. It has crows, and also neat pantheons of epic beasties.

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Hey don't cry, okay? We just found Attenborough’s long-beaked echidna, a species thought to be extinct for the past 60 years.