realisticallycynical - Tumblr blog

[realisticallycynical]

hey. what do a selkie and a ziploc bag have in common

[realisticallycynical]

does anyone have that one painting with the ghosts standing in the water?

[realisticallycynical]

the bad news is that my mom was sad that her eggplants haven’t been growing; however, it turns out that the reason her eggplants haven’t been growing is because her eggplants were actually spinach. The good news is that her spinach is growing very well. She was also sad that her peppers haven’t been growing either, but it turns out that the peppers were actually eggplant. And I’m happy to report that the eggplant is also growing very well.

[realisticallycynical]

i dont believe anyone has npc energy in the sense that their thoughts and feelings dont matter but i did just walk past an old woman today who (presumably to no one) said “ive been dreaming of croissants…” and trailed off while i walked by her and i believe. that is a moment i will never know more about

[realisticallycynical]

[realisticallycynical]

[realisticallycynical]

[realisticallycynical]

[realisticallycynical]

buffy the vampire slayer is so funny because theoretically yes, she would come off as a bit werid to the people who don't know she fucking hunts vampires. fortunately for us, the writers chose to express this by making every character act like she's insane for asking totally normal questions

[realisticallycynical]

hey everyone! I’m going to be closing my shop from april 11th to april 18th in solidarity with other etsy sellers to protest etsy’s latest seller fee price hike and certain new policies you can read about below! you know I’m always complaining about their fees and how I prefer to be paid outside of etsy whenever possible. I hope you’ll join me and not cross the picket line from april 11th to april 18th! you know where to find me if there’s anything I have listed that you want to buy or you have an idea for a commission! 🖖🏻

[realisticallycynical]

tumblr is the only social media site that doesn’t crack down on threats of violence because its denizens only do it in very drawn out and lamely prosaic ways that if read aloud during litigation couldn’t reasonably be ruled out as just being an insufferable homosexual’s creative writing exercise

[realisticallycynical]

[realisticallycynical]

polygon et al, please continue writing articles like this so i have things i can link people to when they make the mistake of thinking i can rec them comics

[realisticallycynical]

This definitely made me smile

[realisticallycynical]

[realisticallycynical]

My middle finger had to be amputated, and I asked the doctors if I could keep it and they were like, ‘I mean, yeah. It’s your finger, go ahead,’ so I took it home and cleaned it until I just had the bones left. Then in clear resin I cast a hand flipping the bird, and placed my bones in the middle finger. It looked sick as hell so I posted it online, where I was doxxed for using real human bones for art even though they were my bones.

[realisticallycynical]

a blog: *follows me*

me, an aged monarch lounging on my fur-strewn throne, gesturing for my servant to bring me my monacle: Bring them here! Bring them here, I say. Let me look at them.

guards: *drag the unwitting blog before me*

me, peering intently at the new blog and poking them with my scepter: Is this a real person? Hmm? What have you to say for yourself? What are your fandoms? Your interests? Speak up, these old ears aren’t what they used to be.

guards, tentatively: they do seem to be a real person, sire. We found them in possession of several memes and a fandom rant.

me, subsiding back into my sumptuous furs and waving them away: most extraordinary. It has been an age since there was a real person, but just as well, the dungeons have been overflowing with those tacky pornbots. This newcomer may remain in my domain. Make them welcome. And fetch me a quill! I feel a ficlet coming on…