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why did killua just let gon go kill himself haha lmao fuck me

uses this icon 2 sum up just how Real this is abt to get

jk idk i still have to plot all of my points in a way that makes some fuckin sense

Okay, so, now that I’ve gone and done a little organizing, I think it’s time I’m able to start this off. Note that this is all my opinion on the situation and what I was able to pull out of the episodes and pieces of the manga. I’ve also read several other metas, not to take their ideas or opinions, but to derive specific information and moments from, so if you’d like those (while I don’t entirely agree with all of them) you may ask for them. 

I believe the first thing worth mentioning is the idea that Gon will not allow any others to become involved in any of his own problems. This is explained several times throughout the series as a whole, and noticed by several characters. Take for instance, how Kurapika and Leorio knew of Gon’s nature and did not intervene when Gon had stubbornly decided to allow himself to be critically injured and beat up by Canary, since he knew, in order to rescue Killua, this was one of the trials he must have had to face. He believed it worth it, but wouldn’t let Kurapika or Leorio stop him, or take the torture themselves. 

Now, alongside this, given our current situation involving Gon and Pitou and the rest of that entire plan everyone had forged, Killua explains the situation to Meleoron after Meleoron asks “What about you?” and Killua replies, “At worst I’ll go down in flames with him, I guess.” Only to later claim he was joking, his lie being more than obviously implied. Gon was perhaps aware of how Killua felt during their situation, and the possibility stands that he may have intentionally isolated himself from Killua, knowing that Killua was ready to give his life for the sake of solving one of ‘Gon’s problems.’

 This situation can be even more backed up with the scene (during the Yorkshin Arc, if I remember correctly) when Gon states that Killua may not speak of dying, but in the case that if Gon were to, it’d be alright. If that wasn’t correct, sue me or something, but the lines were similar and the meaning is the same. Essentially, Gon is allowed to intervene in others’ affairs and lend a helping hand, but will not allow people into his own affairs and wants to take care of his issues by himself. 

Then, we can take into consideration, while perhaps inexcusable, but still a truth when it comes to Killua’s emotions: Killua was afraid that a confrontation with Gon would lead to the loss of him. Killua was afraid of losing Gon as a friend. Now, of course, in the grand scheme of things, it’s obviously arguable that he should have sat Gon down and explained what was going on and what he saw, but Killua didn’t have a clue of how to confront him about this, given every time Gon had a moment of emotional breakdown, it wasn’t long before he, once again, turned around and claimed that he was ‘alright now.’ Killua obviously knows not to believe this and can tell there’s more on the underneath, but he has no proof. Therefore, if Killua were to be wrong, he risks losing his friend, looking like a fool who’d based all of his beliefs off of assumptions, and behind left behind. He couldn’t officially know until Gon let him know, to which Gon did not want to do, because Gon believed his problems were only his, while Killua wanted to trust that they’re problems were shared, however foolishly expecting Gon to come to him with his issues at some point. 

Despite all this, in the middle of Gon’s epic breakdown scene in episode 116, before Gon is about to attempt to destroy Pitou on the spot, Killua is able to say, “If you kill Pitou [right now], we’ll never get Kite back.” Again, note his use of ‘we,’ rather than ‘you.’ It is after that, that Gon stops his attack and says, “You have it easy, Killua. You’re perfectly calm. Since it means nothing to you.”

This brings in our third point, as we’ve tapped on previously, but this time was the time in which Killua was finally able to understand. This was the moment that Gon had completely made it obviously that he was isolating Killua from the problem. Killua is able to understand that Gon has given into his stubborn nature and taken on the problem as his own, unaccepting of Killua’s help or hand in the instance that he believed it must be done alone, considering that Gon blames only himself, he most likely believes it is only him who must fix the problem. While this is what Gon believes, I believe I mentioned before that Killua believed them to share this issue, and that Killua was somehow able to help, and be there through what was going to ensue, but after Gon spoke these words, he found that Gon would not let him intercept, and this hurt his feelings, making him seem useless to Gon, as he does not and cannot entirely understand the potential of the situation.

Killua still takes it upon himself to want to help him friend, but it is too late before he arrives to witness the merciless of Gon’s wrath and self destruction. During this scene, you see Killua show up (exactly what Gon did not want, because Gon did not want Killua to have to witness what Gon was doing to himself) and Gon cries as he knows that he has now caused a great deal of turmoil within Killua and burdened him with witnessing his (what he believed) death. 

So essentially, while yes, Killua could have risked many things and gone ahead and confronted Gon about all of his secretive and hurting behavior before all of this broke out, Gon did not want Killua to stop him. He did not want Killua to become involved, and he would do anything to keep him from it. 

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thinks abt changing my blog color scheme hmmmm

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send me a crystal and i'll tell...

abalone: what kind of situations compromise my muse emotionally

aegerine: my muse's opinion of the supernatural

agate: how my muse calms down

blue lace agate: my muse's favorite form of communication (verbal, letters, texting, etc.)

fire agate: if my muse is brave or cowardly

moss agate: if my muse has a high or low opinion of themself

amazonite: what kind of situations call for my muse to be dishonest

amethyst: what my muse would most like to be able to shape-shift into

ammolite: how lucky or unlucky my use is

angel aura quartz: my muse's opinion of LGBT+ issues

apache tears: a sadness headcanon

apatite: a headcanon about my muse's intuition

apophyllite: my muse's religious/spiritual beliefs

aquamarine: where my muse feels most calm/relaxed

biotite: the biggest problems my muse is currently dealing with

bloodstone: how my muse sees themself as part of the world at large

calcite: my muse's social tendencies (introverted vs extroverted, parties vs one-on-one conversations, etc.)

carnelian: an art-related headcanon

celestite: how my muse deals with anxiety

chalcedony: the saddest my muse has ever been

chalcopyrite: how my muse deals with ending relationships

charoite: who my muse looks up to

chrysocolla: a money-making headcanon

copper: how I think my muse will end up when they're older

coral: how my muse views the natural world

diamond: a sex headcanon

dolomite: a sleep headcanon

emerald: how my muse tells someone they love them without words

fluorite: what my muse's room looks like

fossil: what my muse's dream job is

galena: what it's like to be in a relationship with my muse

garnet: what my muse's perfect partner would be

gold: my muse's financial situation

hematite: how squeamish my muse is

hiddenite: how much of an "inner child" my muse has

iolite: my muse's drinking habits

jade: if my muse would ever cheat on a partner

jasper: what my muse would be like as a parent

kyanite: an anger headcanon

lapis lazuli: where 'home' is to my muse

lodestone: what kind of people gravitate towards my muse

malachite: what my muse as a child thought they would be when they grew up

mica: what my muse views as their worst personality trait

moonstone: my muse's opinions on outer space

mother of pearl: if my muse tends to lift people up or bring them down

nebula stone: how good my muse's memory is

obsidian: which of the seven deadly sins my muse would be

opal: how creative my muse is

pearl: a mental health headcanon

petalite: what my muse would do if they found a wallet on the street

pyrite: a physical health headcanon

quartz: how my muse thinks other people see them

rhodonite: if my muse prefers elegance or convenience

rubellite: if my muse has any 'triggers' that inspire painful memories

ruby: a happiness headcanon

sapphire: if everyone my muse knew was hanging off a cliff and they could only choose three to save, the rest certainly dying, who they would choose

serpentine: how my muse would seduce another [alt: how my muse makes their money]

silver: if my muse prefers masculinity or femininity

tsavorite: if my muse believes in destiny or fate

ulexite: how empathetic/sympathetic/compassionate my muse is

unakite: what my muse's ideal pet would be

verdite: my muse's ethnicity/family history

zebra stone: what gets my muse excited

zoisite: does my muse believe everything's going to work out for them in the end or not?

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(〇o〇；) ｷﾞｸｩｩｩ!!

and u... have the sheer audacity,,,

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WHO ARE WE?                           WE ARE INVINCIBLE.

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; _ ; ! !

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@emochions

             “ Looks like you’re holding something. What is it? ”

Assumption floats atop the waters of one’s mind and he wastes not a second in questioning another. Reality spares no mercy and child finds himself on guard with the slightest hints of suspicion. ( Trust no one. Killing is what you were born to do. Trust is irrelevant. ) -- and it haunts him.

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@udatus

           “ You’re here. ”

Words breathe hints of caution, a serious atmosphere existing between every felt presence, and child knows whom of which no good can come out of. He speaks sentence of statement, while simultaneously requesting information of one’s reasons, and it is this that may be heard through tone’s unquestionable usage.

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            “ Wait wait wait !! ”

Hesitation marks a place dominant upon current state and boy almost immediately finds himself backing into a place of exaggerated fear. With a fresh disgust and an unlikely opposition to ideas involving thin wriggling creatures, he opts to spare an ever-so casual sort of suggestion (or command, for that matter).

            “ You put on the worm... ”

          “ —Mm! ” He moves his head in disapproval. “ It’d be kind of troublesome to fish if they did. ”  Followed by a spare hand picking the fishing rod from the ground as he stood up once again, still holding the little creature in his fingers. He left the bucket behind, approaching his friend to hand the fishing rod to him. It’s time.

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A tremble crawls from the base of his back as he bears witness to friend willingly shoving his own hand into a bundle of slimy, wiggling creatures, ready to sacrifice them to the fish of future (presumed) meal. Disgust is most prominent of emotions and he finds no settlement in his constant feeling of itching discomfort moving beneath his now paranoid flesh.

             “ Yuck...-- I mean.. cool.. but doesn’t that give you the creeps ? ”

           He crouches down and a hand sinks into the bucket’s wriggling content. “ I’ve caught a lot of big fishes with these. ” One of the worms was held up between fingers, only then to be replaced with a different one from the bucket. " And with one of these I caught the King of the Pond! That was Mito-san’s condition to let me become a Hunter. “

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NE KIRRUAAAA XD

GON!!!!

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send me hot pix ;)

beth i see u on here and i need u to Go

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i bet you think i dont know what that means

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@ebonlamb

              “ What’s the occasion ? ”

Lids slant and judgmental stare makes its way toward another’s outfit in such narrow-minded assumption that one must be attending an event irregular of their daily routine. Question falls with nonchalance, yet Killua still finds himself thinking lesser of person before him and thinking nothing poor of it.

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@rockfists

               “ Hmm...  ”

A silence beckons a train of thoughts, and he stores them within himself, if only to cave before unlocking it soon after. Change of mind, perhaps subconsciously, and he speaks the quiet in which he’d previously believed insignificant. 

              “ This brings back memories.  ”