rebellionborn-blog

[rebellionborn-blog]

I am afraid of getting older. I am afraid of getting married…Spare me from the relentless cage of routine and rote. I want to be free… I want, I want to think, to be omniscient.

Sylvia Plath  (via wordsnquotes)

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ratherbedivisivethanindecisive.

“Damnit, Frankie, watch your mouth.  You are not grown enough for all that.”

Alexander knows they aren’t not a baby anymore and, frankly, he’s swearing just as much.  Something about hearing those words come out of their mouth, though?  It makes his shoulders go up.  They might not be his biologically, but he’s been raising them and he can’t quite handle hearing that kind of language come out of his child’s mouth.

How many times had he heard John say that?  Say that he had his reasons.  How many times had John told him they were good reasons?  It makes his chest tighten all over again.

“I’m not saying you don’t have good reasons, those sound like good ones, you just…you gotta find other ways to handle this.  Come home and tell me, tell your dad, we’ll help you.”  A soft sigh slips out and he nods a little.  “—But okay.  This once I will talk to your dad and try to convince him no punishment is necessary.”

❝  you’re cursing just as much as i am  —  MORE than i am,  actually!!  ❞      they don’t mention the fact that being a teenager means they’re definitely grown enough,  in their opinion.  frances is pretty sure that argument would be useless against alex,  so they settle for sounding vaguely offended and leaving it at that.

some part of them knows that alex is right.  that just because they can punch the stupid boys in their class doesn’t mean they should.  but they still aren’t convinced alex’s plan will WORK  ;  the whole  ‘ let the adults handle it ’ thing doesn’t quite seem like a SOLUTION,  and frances is nothing if not stubborn.

❝  how else am i supposed to handle it?  just sit there and let people say stuff like that?  ❞      they’re skeptical,  and it SHOWS,  but a sigh comes out a moment later  —  for all their stubbornness,  they’d rather have alex convince their dad not to punish them than continue the argument.      ❝  thank you.  ❞ 

[rebellionborn-blog]

ratherbedivisivethanindecisive.

+ @rebellionborn​ (yep, he’s got on his dad pants)

It’s the third fight in two weeks and Alexander knows he shouldn’t be amused, he really does.  He just can’t help it.  Frances is so much like their uncle, too much, and it makes him laugh.  There are other emotions there that threaten, but he tries very hard to ignore them.  Not to think about how like John they are.  It reminds him just how much he still misses the man and he can’t have that, not right now.

Maybe later, when he’s alone.

For now, he’s got to worry about Frances trying to take on the world in the span of two weeks.

“Listen, you have got to chill the hell out.  I get it, righteous anger and all that, but you can’t keep doing this shit at school.  Your dad is gonna have a fit.  Do you know what a pain in the ass he is when he’s like that?  Or how much vegan crap I have to eat just to appease him?”

❝  y’know i’m gonna have to eat JUST as much vegan shit to make dad chill,  right?  ❞

the words come accompanied by an eye roll  —  classic teenage REBELLION has set in on frances,  and they ain’t giving it up that easily.  sorry,  uncle alex.     

❝  but you don’t get it,  i’m not just going and getting into fights or anything on purpose.  ❞      they’ve heard the stories about what their uncle john was like,  and they AREN’T like that.  they’ve got reasons,  at least.  good reasons.

❝  hear me out,  okay,  this guy deserved to be punched.  he was saying all this shit,  about how i can’t be good at anything ‘cuz i’m a girl  —  which,  not even true,  but WHATEVER  —  and he knocked all my shitty math books off my desk,  and the teachers wouldn’t do anything!  i know dad’s gonna be mad,  but back me up here,  please?  ❞

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@trulyfreed started following rebellionborn

frances: 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

[rebellionborn-blog]

““I think little of the future," she said, after a direct question, ". . . But of course I know that it holds nothing for me. A ball occasionally, and the conversation of clever men who admire me but care for some one else, books the rest of the week, and life alone on a shelf of the mountain. The thought that I shall one day be old does not console me as it may console men, for with women the heart never grows old. The body withers, and the heart in its awful eternal youth has the less to separate and protect it from the world that has no use for it. Then the body dies and is put away, but the heart is greedily consumed to feed the great pulses of the world that lives faster every year. We give, and give, and give.””

i’m reading “the conqueror: being the true and romantic story of alexander hamilton” ( don’t judge me ok )  and this quote is said by rachel faucette but it’s very frances too tbh

[rebellionborn-blog]

bornsea.

theodosia didn’t want a soulmate. okay, maybe a tiny part of her wanted a soulmate. because everyone would always talk about how AMAZING everything felt once you met that one person —- about how everything lit up. she’d seen her own parents, happy & in love ; the classic example of soulmates. their timers had beeped the moment they met eachother ; when her mother was MARRIED to another —- & most of all, theodosia remembers how her father had fallen apart when her mother had gotten sick. 

     the amount of ANGER frances shows actually catches theodosia off guard —- she actually finds herself flinch a bit at their raised tone. ‘ I —- ’ she feels as if they’re scolding her & she hates it. ‘ look, frances, ’ why is she trying to apologize ? why does she feel as if she owes it to them ? ‘ look, I’m SORRY, okay ? you started this ; you’re the one who said you didn’t want a soulmate ! & I don’t HATE you, I barely know you, but for my own reasons, I don’t want one either ! that’s why this won’t work —- we might be incompatible, my dad BARELY had any good things to say about yours —– & my dad’s IMPORTANT to me ; also. NEITHER of us want this !  ’

part of frances feels REGRET at theo’s flinch  —  the kind one feels when they know they’re in the wrong.  an apology is probably in order for the outburst,  but they’re nothing if not STUBBORN.  and,  well  —  they figure perhaps it’s better this way,  to fight against the very IDEA OF SOULMATES,  personified by theodosia  ;  better than whatever suffering could come if they simply accepted it.  opening up to having a soulmate was not an option at the beginning,  and it certainly isn’t one NOW.

❝  i didn’t mean to start anything!  i just thought it was information you should KNOW.  ❞      voice picks up in volume again,  and in pitch,  too,  until it’s almost squeaky.  they pause,  trying to get their thoughts back on track and their voice lowered,  so they can at least be taken SERIOUSLY.     ❝  and your father is DEAD WRONG  —  my dad was a good person.  ❞       not that they know this from any firsthand experience,  and not that they necessarily agree with the idea themself  —  they do hold a lot of BITTERNESS towards john laurens for leaving,  but everything frances’ mother had told them spoke only of how BRAVE and GOOD their father was,  and they will not let anyone tarnish his meager LEGACY by stating otherwise.  yet another thing to make frances DISLIKE their soulmate,  then.

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@bornsea replied to your post “frances has such a skewed view of their parents’ relationship since...”

WT F!!! IM EMO

I WAS THINKING ABT THIS BC.  THINK OF HOW IT AFFECTS SOULMATE AU.  FRANCES ALWAYS ASSUMING THEIR PARENTS ARE SOULMATES AND LOOK HOW WELL THAT TURNED OUT FOR JOHN & MARTHA,  NO DOUBT FRANCES IS BETTER OFF WITHOUT ANY OF THAT,  AND THEN THEO SHOWS UP AND FRANCES JUST.  WANTS TO GIVE IN BUT THEY CAN’T JUST ACCEPT IT THAT EASILY SO THEY FIGHT AGAINST IT AND I’M SO EMO GEETY

[rebellionborn-blog]

frances has such a skewed view of their parents’ relationship since they never actually saw john & martha together,  all they have to go off is the way martha talked about john when fran was a lil kid which made them think that martha and john really were in love  ( because it was probably true from martha’s side,  if not from john’s ).  but with john away fighting the war and never writing all frances knows is 1. their parents love each other & 2. their mom is still unhappy anyways,   so they get a real pessimistic view of love in general from that and it really affects all their relationships as they go through life.  they don’t want to fall in love if it’ll leave them that unhappy,  but they end up being unhappy regardless because they’re expected to marry and they do  ( twice,  in the end ).

[rebellionborn-blog]

bornsea.

she can’t help but smile fondly at them —- there’s got to be something about frances. when she talks to them, she finds her own smile becoming wider than she thinks is normal ; & now they’re HERE ; right in front of her. she sees that their happiness reflects her own & finds the size of her own smile increase. just because they’re here, they’re really here.

     ‘ what ? no, no ! I was just. looking at college stuff & studying, the same shit I normally do —- I’m never too busy for you & you know it —- & I KNOW, you’ve mentioned it ; you’re lucky my dad’s away for the weekend, or he’d kill you too. ’ it’s partially a joke ; her dad knows about them. he would likely be surprised & concerned that they’d shown up at midnight. that’s forgotten quickly, when she places her arm against the bannister of her terrace, chin resting on her hand, taking in the sight of frances.

     ‘ o-oh —- right, yeah, hold on ! ’ quickly, she kneels to the surface, opening the gate & sliding the ladder down. ‘ you gonna climb up ? ’

they bounce on their toes as they wait for the ladder to be lowered,  pure joy showing through every molocule of their body.      ❝  yeah,  ‘course you were studying,  nerd.  ❞      they’re glad for it,  though  ;  it certainly would’ve been awkward if theo had been asleep when they arrived.  then the ladder’s down  —  years of climbing trees have made frances quick,  so they’re up and climbing onto the terrace in a heartbeat.  and then ——

and then they’re face to face with theo.  after all this time of being limited to letters and skype,  it’s a bit of a shock.  frances has always been the type to go with their first instinct,  which is to practically leap to hug her as soon as they’re both on the terrace  —  and as soon as they do it,  they’re not sure how they’re ever gonna let go,  because it feels so right.  

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overlookedshot.

                much to margarita’s dismay,  it is impossible for her to forget the present,  and recreate the past.  if she had her way,  she’d be able to fly right out of the van rennselaer estate,  into the sky and over oceans and battlefields alike.  the caged bird still sings in captivity,  of course,  but it also watches her husband leave for weeks on business,  and her only surviving son slam doors in her face.  just like his father,  the junior was.  the knock is the perfect distraction from cleaning her family’s slight mess in the parlor  -  so peggy keeps the servants at bay.

           with skirts eagerly lifted above her feet,  the girl that once held so much spunk made her way to the door,  expecting a belated mail delivery,  or her son driven home early by a first time pang of guilt.  instead,  mrs. van rennselaer finds a younger girl on the porch.  leaning against the door in order to keep it from shutting on her,  peggy manages to give a smile,  and a few happy words.   ❝   oh,  hello there !  can i help you with anything, dear ?   ❞

frances realizes a beat too late that they didn’t bother to plan out what to say once they were face to face with the woman their father had written to.  nervousness is not a familiar emotion for frances,  but they’re certainly feeling it now,  grip on letters becoming tighter to keep hands still.      ❝  sorry,  miss  —  this might be a bit strange,  but are you,  uh,  peggy schuyler?  ❞       there’s a glance down at the letters to be sure they’re getting the name right,  though it’s rather unnecessary  —  frances has read and re - read them all looking for any inkling of who their father was,  there’s no way they could have forgotten the name.     ❝  i think you might’ve known my father?  ❞

[rebellionborn-blog]

‘ A lot of people support him. But a lot of people support not supporting him. ’

actually a Typhoon.      //       accepting.

❝  well,  yeah,  that’s how politics works,  isn’t it?  ❞      it’s half a genuine question  ;  frances has never really been interested in political things.       ❝  so what do you think about it?  ❞

[rebellionborn-blog]

bornsea.

there is something about them ; theodosia hates to admit it, but there is something about frances laurens. she is drawn to them —- theodosia wants to know everything about the only laurens child. she wants to know what makes them smile. ( but theodosia doesn’t want a soulmate, she doesn’t want a soulmate —- ) ‘ I mean, no offense but —- I don’t want a soulmate ; consider who our PARENTS are ; a laurens & a burr — I think saying we wouldn’t be very good soulmates is an understatement ; I’m pretty sure we’d be a full blown DISASTER. this is most certainly some mistake. how could we be anything but a mistake ? ‘

it’s a bit ANNOYING that theo seems to know more of frances’ father than they themselves do  —  being a laurens and a burr seem to have less to do with it in frances’ mind than the simple fact that they seem INCOMPATIBLE.  not quite opposites,  but certainly CLASHING PERSONALITIES,  ones that would not work together.  despite any pull frances may feel towards theo,  and it’s certainly there,  they can’t see how this could possibly work.

they’d always kind of thought having a soulmate would be DIFFERENT.  their parents weren’t soulmates,  and as a child frances had thought maybe that was why they were so unhappy  ;  as they’d grown they’d felt a bit bitter at the concept of soulmates,  but still a tiny bit of them had hoped.  it seems soulmates can be just as unhappy as those who aren’t bonded,  though,  if this is anything to go by.  any hope they’d had that this might turn around is channelled instead into ANGER.     ❝  i don’t see any reason to blame our families for this not working  —  y’know,  i think it’s more that you’re being a bit of a STUBBORN ASSHOLE,  theo!  doesn’t matter,  though.  hate me all you want,  i don’t CARE.  ❞

[rebellionborn-blog]

ncright.

// @ghostrow ♡ THIS for a starter.  ( i hope that you don’t mind but i went with fran ).

          eliza had never known that john had a daughter, which was something that surprised her greatly. alexander had mentioned it to her, and she was quick to finding out who she was, and why she was here. he was surprised as well, thinking that his best friend would at least tell him about the girl that he was a father to. she had grown up without a mother as well, and that type of thing always did strike eliza, because she would have always hated hearing about kids who never had a mothers love. that wasn’t anything unusual at this time though, as everyone was always either abandon or their parents died.       ❛ i sent her a letter and i invited her out here, i hope that it’s not too weird. i just really want to meet her, see how much of her father she is actually like. ❜

frances doesn’t receive much mail,  so the letter comes as a bit of a SURPRISE.  even more surprising is the contents of it  —  the fact the person on the other end of the pen had known their father is enough to make them curious,  and the INVITATION is even better.  a quick letter is penned in return,  letting mrs. hamilton know that frances would be accepting the invitation and would be on their way shortly,  and then frances sets off towards new york,  accompanied by their aunt.

it’s not exactly a short journey,  from south carolina to the hamilton residence,  and it takes several days for them to arrive.  EXCITEMENT cancels out any nervousness that may be felt  —  not only can the hamiltons answer frances’ questions about john laurens,  but just the simple fact that eliza had reached out to them seems amazing!  they practically RUN from the carriage to the front porch of the house,  a few quick knocks on the door signaling their arrival  ;  hands hurriedly smoothing out any wrinkles in their dress the only sign of nerves.      ❝  mrs. hamilton?  ❞