reclinedthoughtdaughter

[reclinedthoughtdaughter]

i love choosing my outfit !! <3

[reclinedthoughtdaughter]

MAN the song about beautiful boy is still on my tiktok notifs like ppl rly eating that shit 😭 and its also so different from my other songs.... I CANT BELIEVE A SONG ABOUT MY FEELINGS FOR A BOY IS GARNERING ONLINE ATTENTION 😀

[reclinedthoughtdaughter]

𝜗𝜚 — all i have to offer.

[reclinedthoughtdaughter]

It is not an understatement when I say there are no words that can describe the serenity of this sweet return.

I used to beg and ask for love, but now I wish I had not spoken of it at all. I do not wish to show how much I look for him in my quiet evening walks. Or even in the way that I talk.

There is no trace of spoken adoration. Not a single word that indicates romance. None of it at all. We do not speak of love and yet...

We dance around it like fire.

Maybe words are unnecessary when the flames have been lit

And we are only waiting for it to thrive

And declare our desires.

[reclinedthoughtdaughter]

Oh yeah an update from my last long journal entry, I am doing better now. I am pouring the same love and energy both in my art and romantic life (?!) I finally had the courage to draw again. I also have scheduled reels now. Everything seems to be organized and I am back on track. I feel better because im finally doing something productive haha

[reclinedthoughtdaughter]

GUYS I LOVE HIM 😭 (we had so much fun today)

[reclinedthoughtdaughter]

i love making these <3

[reclinedthoughtdaughter]

Man i forgot how to write and romanticize life ...

[reclinedthoughtdaughter]

I am not perfect

So I tried to be one

Until I could no longer

find my way back home

I don't know

how long I've been walking

nor where I'm going

I only knew

what they told me to do

I've come so far

only to return to you

[reclinedthoughtdaughter]

MY OVERTHINKING WILL LITERALLY BE THE DEATH OF ME

[reclinedthoughtdaughter]

WHY IS BEING A MUSICIAN IN 2025 SO FUCKING HARD BRUH LIKE IT WOULD BE EASIER IF I JUST KMS

[reclinedthoughtdaughter]

Can you be easier on me?

I just want to love you

Loose screws

Like a ragdoll child

Can we go back

to where we started?

Can I feel you again

without flinching?

Can I look at you again

And not look away?

I have been yearning

for something we once had

I want to dance without

knowing how

Sing as my voice cracks

Paint with messy hands

I have been yearning for

a freedom I once had

Can I love you again

without second thoughts?

Can I bask in your love

and not care at all?

Can you please just let me love you?

[reclinedthoughtdaughter]

i have nothing to write

and Im waiting to feel alive

in hopes my poetry will reach me

But I have nothing

only anticipation

the gap between

leaving and arriving

Is a long distance searching

for an itch waiting

And Im trying to find

the right words

to feel something

[reclinedthoughtdaughter]

Why are summer afternoons always so peaceful like... The fan noise, the crickets, the heat, sweat rolling down on ur head as u lay down on ur hot mattress or on the cold hard floor. The sun passing through the leaves and in your room... The yellow hue of it all... Time stops and everything doesnt matter for now.

[reclinedthoughtdaughter]

My frustrations with loneliness has led my artistic path to create things I wish I had. Friends, experiences, ...love. I cursed the God who made me into an artist to cope with my chronic feelings of loneliness. I hated him for making me just like Him, a God. Creator of all things, maker of all things she wish she had. But to be fair, I thought being an artist could fill the void of wanting human company. Turns out, art can give you the love you've always asked for, it's just that... At the end of the day, love from a person is different and art could never replaced that.

I had cursed Him many times for giving me the ability to create in loneliness, in contrast to creating with togetherness which I associate procreation for. I told him "I wish you had just made me into a mother."

But life happens, and I vowed to never be interested in romance again and commit full time with my artistry. I saw the life ahead of me and realized I can't afford to make mistakes anymore.

And just when things have been smooth sailing... God brings me this person. And he is all I have ever dreamt of.

"You think I'll allow you to be a God just like me forever? No, you don't deserve that. I was just waiting for you to be ready. I know for a fact that you'd be a great artist... And a mother."

That hit me like a truck. Things really fall on your lap when you're the least ready.

Now I am at a position where I seem to be torn between giving my love to. To a person or to my art? The obvious and practical answer is my art... But if Im being honest, there are a lot more times Id choose talking to him than creating art. And this is because Im still not prepared to become a full time artist yet... Im still scared and I know if I keep talking to him it'll just keep getting delayed, which is why I asked if we could take a break from talking for a week to face this dilemma. I don't want to turn him into a distraction, a mistake I did for most of my life.

So now... What really is the answer? Him or art? Well the answer is quite simple actually.

I vowed to myself that I'll never confess. All of the relationships ive had where I confessed didn't go very well. Especially now that Im starting to realize that maybe most anxious attachments confess first because they want to be chosen quickly. Im not like that anymore. And if I confess first I feel like Ive already cursed the relationship... I dont want any control from this out of fear that I'll ruin something really good...

So, Ill keep these feelings hidden and project them to my art.

Just last night I tried drawing him. This is a good start and warmup to battle my fear of drawing again... Ill just continue to draw him or anything based on my feelings.

Ill choose art because of him... For now.

....Ill just figure things out along the way if he confesses lol.

[reclinedthoughtdaughter]

girl why is this so me

[reclinedthoughtdaughter]

Sino

I dont know why ito yung trip kong music ngayon. I prefer this over Man in the Mirror.

I love the solemn vibes of the song. Sometimes this song reminds me of him, but also, Unique seems to be referring this to his art, or maybe thats just me. Ewan ko, Sino is such a complex love song. I don't even know if Unique wrote this with someone in mind, or maybe he was referring to something rather than someone.

While the lyrics of the song can be taken as having someone that loves you unconditionally, if you look closely, Unique seems to be questioning what love really is. Interpreting this in context to what I'm going through right now, for me, this song speaks about my relationship with art.

No matter how many times I've disappointed myself choosing not to pick up my pencil, it is still somehow calling out to me. No matter how many times I push it at the back of my mind. Unique (more like me) also seems to be torn giving love between art and someone, like he doesn't know which one to prioritize. Love is such a complex feeling and I think Unique really captured this feeling very well (for me at least).

This is my chance to pour my love to my art once again. Actually, this is my chance to pour love both to art and to someone.

Im gonna go to church in a few minutes while listening to this song