recoveringfor-life-blog

[recoveringfor-life-blog]

YEP SORRY RUDE :( please, don't say things like that to people with ed's, they need to get better not worse! I thought someone with a disordered past would understand? Omg eating pizza isn't going to make you 20lbs overweight...

NONO NO NO. Your making a mistake, recovering from anorexia isn't eating high calorie foods, it's learning to eat right. After recovering if you eat pizza vs. a salad, you'll start thinking okay well then I can eat cupcakes(you think I'm overdoing it but I've studied health my whole life and this is the biggest mistake I see) eating high calorie foods doesn't mean your recovering, it means your digging yourself a new trench next to the one you climbed out of. Eating high calorie foods will only

Reck your body in a whole nother way. Recovering isn’t loading your body with processed chemicals it’s treating your body right. Read up on health, get some books whatever. I think the Paleo diet is good, the thing is about this it isn’t a “diet.” Veganism isn’t a diet, it’s a lifestyle. Think of that as Veganism. By all means eat a pizza, but eating a dominos or a Pizza Hut pizza isn’t going to help you recover. Make a pizza, when your out and you see a healthy market or something not restraunt, some little pizzaria or stop at your local whole foods and grab a slice of their fresh tasting, warm, Positivity vibing pizza. Your not helping yourself, take this from the girl that read her moms health book in elementry school, learned all I could in middle school and compared different studies, had an eating disorder in highschool.(and I thought I was Doing a favor by eating my pizza too, The 20 pounds beg to differ and lost It soon after.) and majored in nutrition.

fuck you I can eat what I want.

do not tell me I am ‘making a mistake’.

avoiding pizza because I am scared of it is not ‘recovering’ either.

I do not only eat high calorie foods.

just because a food is calorie dense does not make it unhealthy.

you don’t actually know the calorie content of said pizza anyway.

you don’t know what my normal intake is like

don’t recommend me diets like you know shit

I DIDN’T FUCKING GO TO PIZZA HUT OR DOMINOES YOU DON’T KNOW THAT I DIDN’T GO TO A PIZZERIA (YEAH YOU SPELT IT WRONG) SO DON’T JUDGE

you don’t know what’s going to help me recover, you have no knowledge of my struggles/fears/health

you don’t know if I’m helping myself or not

maybe I need to gain 20 pounds

I quite frankly do not care what you majored in

I was going to say that I’m sorry if this comes across as rude

but I’m not

because this message was rude

so please keep your opinions on my recovery to yourself in future

what I do/eat/feel is down to me

thank you

[recoveringfor-life-blog]

[recoveringfor-life-blog]

This is might sound totally stupid but I think the reason that I have been feeling so massive lately is because I've been working my abs and obliques too much and they have grown and made me look kinda boxy? Like they've given my stomach a toned (fair enough) but really square look. I even measured my waist which was a really fucking stupid move I know but it has definitely grown and there isn't even that much fat on it.. so i'm gonna stop doing so much core exercise, and concentrate on upper and lower body! I'm really tempted to do some cardio too to try and lose a bit of weight and to put in the place of my core exercise but I don't know if I will, I really shouldn't. I mean I shouldn't be losing weight. Shouldn't be losing anything, but I'm not doing core exercises if they're making me less happy with my waist haha. So yeah gonna be doing something else in place of core work for now :) A weight off my shoulders really that I think I may know what's been making me feel bigger, but its probably easier said than done not doing much core work, i'll probably end up feeling really gross and un-toned :/ ahh we'll see.

Really random obsessive rant on something not important lol. x

[recoveringfor-life-blog]

TW TW

Feel so fucking shit and massive, like i've just gained so much weight and I'm analysis and criticising everything I put in mouth thinking how fat it is gonna make me.. Feel like i'm uncontrolably eating chocolate when in reality it is just a couple of pieces a day... ugh god i'd do anything for these ED thoughts to just go away... but everytime I look in the mirror, I feel like a fat pig for not doing anything about my weight. Its escalating so badly.. honestly I feel overweight. I feel huge. A whale. I know this is impossible but really the more I think about it the more I realise how huge I've got.. the feeling are so irrational but so strong:(

[recoveringfor-life-blog]

I get it... I understand. How food isn't food, how it is a symbol for getting better and sometimes that is hard to take :(

I think what I need is someone I can cry to who will understand why I hate my appearance and why I can’t eat mashed potato but roast potato is perfectly fine. And why I can’t eat a chocolate bar but biscuits are ok. And I know I am nowhere near recovered. I can hand on heart say that now but I need someone to talk to who won’t get angry an exasperated. Cause I’m tired of annoying people I know.

[recoveringfor-life-blog]

Thoughts on developing anorexia

I’ve just realised, I spent so many years shrinking away from being the centre of attention and hiding from everyone. I wished I could just blend into the background and I wished to be invisible. I think that may be a factor in my development of anorexia, the subconscious need to shrink. The subconscious need to control something. The subconscious need to ‘fit in’, needs I didn’t even realised I had at the time..

[recoveringfor-life-blog]

You need to stop encouraging obesity. BMI 25 is overweight and not healthy. Being obese is Even worse than being underweight so stop with this "3000" bullshit. Our bodies don't need that much food for fuck sake.

1. People in recovery from restricitve eating disorders need 2500-3000+ calories in recovery to gain weight and repair damage. This is not my theory, this is what any professional health care provider says, this is what MY health care providers say, this is what people are given inpatient, this is what I ate in recovery (and eat when I run) and I am not obese. A sedentary, non-ed woman age 50 does not need 3000 calories. An active athlete needs 3000+ calories. A baby does not need 3000 calories, A girl or boy who are underweight and/or undernourished needs 3000+ calories. I ate 3000 calories in recovery for several months while staying sedentary, I am not obese. Nobody will not get obese by eating 3000 calories in recovery. End of story.”If you eat 3000 calories every day and stay completely sedentary, then that’s 21,000 calories that go into you for one week.

That may sound like a lot however we have to subtract the 7,000 needed for the actual fat and muscle rebuilding that has to happen each week. Fat is not an energy storage unit, it is the largest and most critical hormone-producing organ in your body.

That leaves 14,000. But then there is the amount just to keep you breathing, heart beating—that basal metabolic rate thing that just keeps you alive. Estimating, that assigns another 7,000 or so.

To repair damaged heart, skin, nails, hair, kidneys, digestive system, brain areas, bone and blood formation systems…you are actually giving your body only 1,000 calories a day to go to that effort. That’s if you dependably eat 3,000 calories each day.

The less you eat, the longer it takes to recover as the harder it is for your body to find any excess energy to repair the damage.”(http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2012/11/23/phases-of-recovery-from-a-restrictive-eating-disorder.html)2. People can easily be bmi 25 and be healthy. Studies suggest that people with a BMI of 25 to 29.9 have a survival advantage over people with higher or lower BMI.http://www.webmd.com/diet/news/20090625/study-overweight-people-live-longerThis is bmi 25. Does this thriatlethe look unhealthy to you? http://www.flickr.com/photos/77367764@N00/1472416891/in/set-72157602199008819This is bmi 26.6: http://www.flickr.com/photos/77367764@N00/1457574885/in/set-72157602199008819/This is bmi 25.4:http://www.flickr.com/photos/77367764@N00/1454434641/in/set-72157602199008819This is bmi 27.5:http://www.flickr.com/photos/77367764@N00/1458077972/in/set-72157602199008819Check out; http://www.flickr.com/photos/77367764@N00/sets/72157602199008819/Some (very few) people can be healthy at bmi 18, others can be sickly underweight at bmi 18. I dont encourage underweight, overweight, normalweight or obese - I encourage healthy, and healthy is not a number. 

[recoveringfor-life-blog]

74 years old :(

[recoveringfor-life-blog]

[recoveringfor-life-blog]

delete those old pictures from your computer. yes, those ones. even just face pictures of yourself at your ‘sickest’ can serve as a triggering reminder. and it’s too easy to want to be triggered when things get hard.

unfollow that girl on tumblr who sneaks thinspo in between...

[recoveringfor-life-blog]

TW

Feel so massive and wanna head to the gym so bad. BUT NO! I am gonna chill out, see how I feel later, and probably not even head to work. I need to rest so I am better asap... fucks sake i just feel like a blob though :( Bleurghh I just dunno what to do :/ Like I want a proper good workout when I feel well enough to exercise again, but my next gym oppertunity would be tomorrow before work, and I wouldn't really be able to get a sweat on because of going to work straight after :/ erghhh might end up doing a little workout today after all...

[recoveringfor-life-blog]

Just because you regret eating a small amount of food doesn't make it a binge.

[recoveringfor-life-blog]

1. Don’t try to piss quietly. Nobody in a public restroom thinks you’re knitting in your stall. They came to piss, just like you. And if you have to take a dump, do it. Get over your fear of public toilets. It’ll make life a lot easier. 2. Masturbate. Masturbate a lot. Talk about it with your friends. You’ve got the right to make yourself feel good and brag about it just like all the boys with extra large kleenex packages on their desks. 3. If you want the large fries, get the large fries. Hunger and appetite are nothing to be ashamed of, just human. Don’t ever feel guilty for eating in front of others. You need to nourish your body to stay alive. We all do. 4. Laugh as loud as you have to, no matter if you snort or gasp or literally scream. 5. Fart when you have to. 6. Always remember you weren’t born to visually please others. Forget the phrase “what if they think it’s ugly”. If you think it’s lovely, it is lovely. You wanna wear it, wear it! 7. Speak your mind! You can learn to do so without insulting others or shoving your opinion down other people’s throats.

Seven Simple Ways To Free Yourself, from girl to girl (via notcapableoflove)

PERFECT

[recoveringfor-life-blog]

A lot is dancing around my mind atm.. I went to the doctors thank god and I found out I had a chest infection so luckily its nothing more serious but I shouldn't really be exercising... cue ED yelling at me. Fucking hell, I hardly exercise anyway, I'm meant to have 'given it up' and just be doing a little weights, but shit I feel so crap for not getting to the gym! I can on my period and all i want is chocolate arghhh, I ate about maybe four large pieces of chocolate today and its giving me really bad anxiety when it really shouldn't.. just because my minds a little crazy atm and exercise isn't really happening. I feel guilty for being ill, especially since I might not be able to go into work tomorrow, which my ED loves, its telling me to skip work and head to the gym all day, which would be totally stupid. I dunno. I think I'm gonna get up, see how I feel then decide wether to go to work, and then Friday if I'm well enough I'll go to the gym before work for a SMALL workout. Fuck I'm just stressed. I have to keep telling myself that its perfectly okay to be eating chocolate and having cravings when I'm on my period.. I just feel guilty for like everything. I even feel guilty for being more bold and confident that I used to be.. I should be starving and tiny and shy :( Feel guilty for having a life and conquring something.. soo fucking pointless. I feel bad for just kind of faking my confidence all the time.. but in a way it isn't even faking, i've changed, I just can't get my head around it kind of :/ There's just a nagging voice saying I don't deserve to be happy.

And did I mention that its results day tomorrow? HAHAH. And I just found out that I have to stay in different accomadation to my friend when I go to uni :( Oh god this has been a very personal rant hahaha oh well :p

[recoveringfor-life-blog]

I'm so happy that you've gotten this far! You've accomplished so much, you should be so proud of yourself.

Aw :') Thank you so much.. I suppose I have its just scary to lose one part of yourself in the process of gaining another.. who are you anon? aha x

[recoveringfor-life-blog]

You look so beautiful in your selfie! :)

Aw what YOU SO CUTE anon you are beautiful too! I don't even look like that anymore haha x

[recoveringfor-life-blog]

Oops my recovery blog is like entirely me moaning and written quotes haha! Sorry for it looking like a scattering of words everywhere but I have a lot to say!