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June 17, 2025
Lately, I’ve been living life in reverse. I find myself doing the things I once loved, returning to places that now feel like faded memories, and eating the food that used to bring me comfort when the world felt too heavy.
Maybe it’s my way of searching for the younger version of myself—the girl I abandoned without meaning to. I don’t know if she’s still waiting for me, or if she’s already too far gone.
Maybe this is my way of gently calling her back, to remind her that she is just as worthy, just as loved, as all the parts of me I’ve chosen to keep.
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June 16, 2025
Words that have lingered in the quiet corners of my mind:
1. Mistakes are blessings in disguise. The ones you don’t make on purpose are opportunities to learn, observe, and grow.
2. Our present is also a reflection of our past.
3. I’m guilty of looking too far ahead, instead of right in front of me—at you.
4. Maybe that’s not how life works. Maybe you don’t get what you want. Maybe you end up finding what you need—and maybe the universe knows what you need better than you do.
5. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for all the versions of you that never came to be. Forgive the words you wish you hadn’t said, and the silences you regret keeping. Forgive yourself for not knowing better back then—for the things you ruined, the things you lost, and the grief that still lingers. Forgive the darker parts, the shadowed corners you wish didn’t exist. You have to learn to hold every piece of who you are—even the ones you want to abandon. It’s going to be alright.
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5/31/2025
The last week of April and the first few weeks of May were especially difficult. Yet even in that heaviness, I was held. A few dear friends reached out, checked in, and gently pulled me out of the house, not to fix anything, but simply to keep me company—to remind me I wasn’t alone. I’m still not sure if I’m glad I chose to stay. But I’m here. And I’m holding on—patiently, quietly���waiting for the light to find its way back again.
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5/2/2025 | face, hair & weight update 🙄 🫠
Dear Self,
If ever the weight becomes too much and you find yourself on the edge of giving up, watch this video. Let it remind you of how you looked after the breakdown—tired, yes, but still smiling, still singing, still doing your random silly things. You made it through then, and you’ll make it through again. You’ll be okay.
"When life gives you lemons, blow bubbles. It’s cheaper than therapy." HAHAHAHA
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4/29/2025 | 📍Davao City
Mt. Apo was breathtaking this morning—far more beautiful than it appears in this video. Its peak was covered in white, almost as if snow had fallen on it. The sight felt almost unreal, especially as I was driving toward it. Moments like this are one of the reasons I love driving around town. ✨
By the middle of this month, I found myself going out more often—even on weekdays. Most of the time, it was just to run errands, but with all the weekly changes in my work schedule and the things that needed to be done at home, I’ve been feeling physically and mentally exhausted.
But by the end of the month, I was reminded again of how certain things just fall into place. I’m talking about the small, quiet moments that somehow make everything feel a little lighter.
There was one moment in particular that really stayed with me. I was driving when I noticed a man in the passenger seat of a truck beside me. He kept signaling with his hands—letting me know when they were switching lanes or when there was a pedestrian crossing, motioning for me to slow down. At first, I didn’t think much of it. But later, I realized maybe their brake lights or turn signals weren’t working, and he was stepping in to guide others. If that was the case, I’m genuinely grateful. That simple act—even from a stranger—reminded me that kindness still exists in the smallest, most unexpected ways.
Lately, I’ve found myself soft and emotional, even over the little things. And that moment made me cry quietly as I drove carefully back home. It was, without a doubt, my favorite moment this month.
Another moment that brought me to tears was the overwhelming support I’ve received from my relatives. I finally opened up to them about my brother—and how much I’ve been struggling to figure out the best way to help him. Lately, I’ve been thinking that maybe getting him out of the house, even for a little while, could offer him some relief. That’s why we’ve been spending more time with family recently. Their support has meant more to me than I could ever fully express.
Aside from that, this month revealed so much and made me reflect deeply on my thoughts about forgiveness—like why it’s so much harder to forgive myself than to forgive others. How some people can take advantage of that forgiveness. It reminded me that boundaries matter, even when your heart wants to stay open. And honestly, how some people just suck... because I still don’t know where to put all this anger I’m carrying. 🖕🏻🫠
Still, despite it all, there were so many good things—moments shaped by kindness and people who chose to show up with love. Only God knows how thankful I am for every single one of them.
Here’s to growing up. Here’s to holding boundaries without hardening the heart.
Here’s to choosing softness—again and again—even while carrying a weight no one else can see.
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April 2025.
This month has been somewhere between the good and the bad, between the ache to bloom and the desire to break.
A lot of frustration with people, with things I can't change.
A lot of confusion, questions that tangle themselves inside my chest.
Some days, I wanted to be different—softer, stronger, less angry, less tired.
Some days, I just wanted to be a bitch and stop caring altogether.
And still, somehow, I kept trying to hold on. To hope. To kindness. Even when my hands felt too tired.
I don’t know anymore.
I don’t even want to know.
And maybe—just maybe—that’s okay.
Lately, I’ve been falling asleep to the songs in my "Lullabies" playlist. Normally, I leave my favorite animated series playing softly on the television—its familiar voices and colors lulling me to sleep. But when even that doesn’t work, it’s the playlist that saves me.

"Margaret" by Lana Del Rey.
It’s a love song, yes—but it’s not the romance that holds me.
It’s this one small part, the way it feels like someone pressing a hand to my back, telling me to keep breathing:
so if you don't know, don't give up.
'cause you never know what the new day might bring.
maybe tomorrow, you'll know.
I think about how many times songs have saved me—softly, without asking, offering solace in the stillness.
How many nights they’ve stayed with me like old friends, their quiet presence filling the empty spaces, giving everything while asking for nothing.
And tonight is no different.
Here I am, sitting in my room, the walls silent around me, laughing a little, smiling even through the ache, thinking:
"how surprisingly beautiful life still is."
And if I ever find myself here again—
caught between giving up and holding on—
I hope I remember this:
How the darkness always feels endless until it doesn’t.
How the light always comes back, even if it takes longer than I want.
How even broken things can still glow in the dark.
Maybe tomorrow, I’ll know.
Maybe tomorrow will be lighter.
Maybe not.
But either way—I'll still be here, still finding beauty where I can. 😴
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Spent the day with the fam. Discovered my true calling: definitely not bowling. 😬
Quick story tho… There was this Korean old lady who rented multiple lanes. I figured she had to be a pro. She even changed outfits just to play — full jersey with the Korea and Philippine flags on it. And yep, she was the only one playing on all the lanes she rented. Literally just battling herself. My brother and I were cracking up, saying as if she was out there fighting her inner demons. Hahaha! I started lowkey observing her moves because, honestly, I had zero idea how to bowl.
The worst part? I suck at walking. I have this thing where I randomly forget how to walk, so I’d lose my balance out of nowhere. So yeah… I couldn’t even pull off that forward walk before releasing the ball.
Makes sense though — the whole momentum thing probably helps you throw with more power.
Anyway, it was super fun. Would totally do it again someday. 😂
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April 20, 2025
I’ll never be ashamed of choosing, again and again, to romanticize everything I see. Of painting the world with the blood in my veins. Of turning pain into color, silence into flowers, heartbreak into something that burns and blooms. To romanticize is not to lie—it is to survive. The world tears me open, and still, I choose to make something beautiful with what spills out.
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We got a call the day before from our lola, inviting us to spend the weekend at Tita Mae’s house in Puntalinao—almost a three-hour drive from home. After clocking out from work at 12 PM, my brother and I packed up and left right away.
Tita’s house is near the beach, which made the long drive something to look forward to. But before heading there, we went to Mati for some pizza and coffee. It’s a coastal town, like a quieter version of Siargao, with gentler waves and a peaceful vibe. By the time we arrived, our relatives were already there—they had left Davao earlier than we did.
Honestly, I wasn’t feeling well. But I still went. More than that, I needed to be there—for my brother. He’s been going through a tough time lately, both physically and mentally. The kind of heaviness that drains motivation—even for the simplest things like taking a bath. I almost turned down Lola’s invitation, but then I saw his face—how it lit up at the idea of going, like he was catching a glimpse of hope again. And I didn’t want to take that away from him.
In the end, the weekend turned out to be just what we both needed. Even though I spent most of it asleep, it was still beautiful.
One thing I really enjoyed was driving. I discovered something new about myself: I love watching how leaves gently float through the air after a car passes by. Especially the brown or pink ones. It’s now one of my favorite little things in life—subtle, simple, and cute. Each time it happens, I can’t stop myself from smiling. ☺️
We stayed for two days and drove back to Davao on Monday morning. My work schedule changed again this week—back to the midnight to 8:30 AM shift. It’s only the start of the week, and I’m already looking forward to hibernating like a bear this weekend.
Oh—and the coffee beans I ordered online arrived yesterday afternoon. Perfect timing. Now, at least, I have a reason to wake up and show up for work, even when I’m this exhausted.
Anyway, here’s a quick look into the weekend—from my perspective, at least during the parts I was awake. Also, I discovered a new song while I was there—it’s now my favorite track. 😬
📍Puntalinao & Mati
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April 15, 2025
Most of the time, I look at my photos and feel like I’m staring at someone I used to know. The features are mine, but the feeling isn’t. It’s strange how, as the years go by, my own face feels less like a reflection and more like a question. One I don’t know how to answer.
Was this ever truly me? Or just a version I wore for a while?
There’s a quiet kind of heartbreak in not recognizing yourself. Maybe I’ve been too many people for too long—each one layered over the last until I forgot what was underneath.
And now?
What’s left is this stillness. A silence I can’t quite name.
It echoes in the background, like a memory that won’t fully fade—but won’t fully return, either.
Sometimes, when I look into my own eyes, I don’t see home.
I see a stranger.
A face I can no longer bring myself to call my own.










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