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[reflectionsonredemption]

Embracing the Gift of Loneliness

Loneliness is painful. It’s discouraging. It’s humiliating at times. It’s not a “gift” ... Or at least, it doesn’t feel that way.

In my college years, I was given this gift a few more times than I would’ve preferred. This blog post has been about a long time in the making; I wanted to write on what I’ve learned about loneliness in the beginning of freshman year when I found myself overwhelmed with loneliness, and am just now sitting down to compose my reflections. As a result, I’m no longer in a season of life in which I regularly find myself lonely, but am able now write with the perspective of appreciating the growth that was brought about by that involuntary season of solitude.

Loneliness has the ability to feel overwhelmingly consuming. That’s because at the root of loneliness is fear- a crippling fear of isolation. Of being alone with only ourselves and Jesus. Of having to acknowledge our deepest and strongest emotions, the ones that we distract ourselves from by surrounding ourselves with people. Busyness and distractions and other people keep us on the go, keep our minds off of real and hard feelings that creep in when we are isolated.

Here’s one of the biggest breakthroughs I had regarding loneliness:

Being alone is not the same as being lonely.

In fact, the wisest people that I know are the ones who are not afraid of being alone, who know how to do solitude well. I say “well” because there are several unhealthy habits I know I tend to gravitate towards in isolation. Loneliness becomes dangerous when...

1. We base our decisions off of FOMO.

Obviously, we shouldn’t make life decisions based on the fear of missing out. But when we are already feeling self-conscious or desperate in our loneliness, we’re likely not being intentional with who we are committing our time and emotions to - we are just looking to feel desired.

2. We run away from feelings hard feelings. 

This attempt to ignore and distract ourselves from hard feelings can take on many different forms: eating, drinking, social media, filling silent moments with music, TV or other noise, and more. It’s uncomfortable to deal with hard feelings, and many of us don’t. Instead of distracting yourself from the sting of loneliness or other hard feelings, allow yourself to feel them. Cry out to the Lord with what is truly on your heart. I promise He will meet you there. Though it will be more painful at first, allowing Him into those deep and painful feelings is the only way to bring about actual healing in the long run, instead of simply numbing or ignoring the pain.

3. We retreat into our minds and don’t let anyone into the hyper-reality that is often created by dwelling on negative thought patterns.

It’s hard, especially in seasons of loneliness, to combat the desire to focus inward and think negatively about yourself. Naturally, we may have thoughts such as, “What is wrong with me?” “Why am I not desirable as a friend or romantic partner?” It’s tough to feel that way. It truly is. Again, take those thoughts to the Lord and ask for the confidence found only in Him. Understand that He may be giving you this season BECAUSE He loves you, and not to punish you.

Loneliness Can Be Purposeful

Loneliness for me was God’s way of making me aware of the fact that people and their attention had become an idol in my heart. By stripping me of that attention, I was suddenly acutely aware of my fear of rejection and the lack of depth in my relationship with Jesus. It was easy to say “All I have is Christ” in times of comfort when I was surrounded by friends. It wasn’t as easy when I didn’t have those friends to fall back on. 

I remember some Friday nights in college, where it seemed like everyone except me had plans and friend groups and fun adventures. I remember sitting in my dorm and reading my Bible, not because it was my first choice, but because I had no other options. If the Lord had granted me my desire for those deep friendships right away, I think of the moments of sweet communion I had with Him in my loneliness that I would have missed out on.

Eventually, the Lord did see fit to bless me with incredible deep friendships with like-minded girls, and now a husband who loves Jesus and loves me very much. 

I look back to a specific journal entry the summer before Jon and I started dating. I told the Lord, “I am content.” And truly, I was. After years of discontentment in loneliness and my life circumstances, especially the lack of a relationship, the Lord shifted my heart and I distinctly remember being okay with where He had me, even though it looked different than my desires. It was a shift that only the Lord could have brought about in my heart, and because of that shift, I was more ready to receive with gratitude the upcoming gift of a relationship, and later marriage and family that I had so desired.

It’s not that God will automatically bless us with friends when we are content in loneliness (because that wouldn’t be true surrender), but when we do surrender our emotional needs to Him and find them first met in the Lord, then any human attention is an added bonus, not a necessity that we desperately seek.

Just as there are unhealthy ways of coping with loneliness, there are beneficial steps we can take as well: 

1. Embrace silence and solitude.

Silence and solitude are neglected but important spiritual disciplines. Our world is full of distractions. Whether in seasons of loneliness or in seasons of fullness, we need to create intentional times and spaces to withdraw and commune with the Lord in silence. We even see this demonstrated in Jesus, who “often withdrew to lonely places and prayed” (Luke 5:16). Jonathan Edwards, often quoted for his example in spiritual disciplines, says this about solitude:

A true Christian doubtless delights in religious fellowship and Christian conversation, and finds much to affect his heart in it; but he also delights at times to retire from all mankind, to converse with God in solitude. And this also has peculiar advantages for fixing his heart, and engaging his affections. True religion disposes persons to be much alone in solitary places for holy meditation and prayer. . . . It is the nature of true grace, however it loves Christian society in its place, in a peculiar manner to delight in retirement, and secret converse with God. (Edwards, Religious Affections, in Works, 1:311-312)

2. Look for what sins or idols are being uncovered.

The way we response to unmet desires often reveals what we truly love. If you find yourself really struggling with a lack of friends or a relationship, take that opportunity to ask God to search your heart and reveal where your hope is. For me, I saw my idols of wanting to feel desired, wanting everyone to like me, and wanting to be affirmed, to name a few. Often times those difficult seasons are ones the Lord uses intentionally (if you’ll allow Him) to uncover areas of our hearts and lives that are not truly surrendered to Him.

3. Be on the lookout for others who are lonely.

Even though sometimes it feels like everyone else in the world has the friends and relationship we desire, it simply isn’t true. There are many around us longing for a friend and maybe struggling with similar emotions. Instead of focusing inward in self-pity, allow your own loneliness to be the bridge that allows you to notice the loneliness of others and reach out to them.

Looking back now, it may be strange but I do miss the unique communion I had with the Lord in seasons of loneliness. I’ve even struggled in this season of more stability and contentment with not feeling as close to the Lord. When I was more aware of my need for Him in my loneliness, I found myself in deep and regular times of prayer. Now that my life looks more stable, it’s not that I need the Lord any less, but I find myself less aware on a day-to-day basis of how much I need Him. (Something I am currently working through...maybe a blog post for another time ;) 

So, if you find yourself in a season of loneliness, my encouragement to you is to refrain from running from the hard feelings and see how the Lord may be intentionally using this time in your life as a gift. My prayer for you is that you, like David, will be able to say, “Find rest, O my soul, in God alone.” (Psalm 62:5)

[reflectionsonredemption]

Truth > Feelings

I’ve been fighting my flesh all week to spend time with the Lord. I’ve been restless and distracted. I even confessed to God that I didn’t really feel like spending time with Him. I prayed to want to want to spend time with Him, but that I wasn’t really there at the moment. Anyone else been there? 

I’ve been reading Jen Wilkin’s “Women of the Word” and discussing it in a women’s Bible study, so this blog post is a conglomeration of those influences mixed with my own musings and what I’ve been learning. 

Side note: One reason I haven’t written a blog post for so long is because anytime the Lord has been teaching me something and I think “Wow, this is so good! I should write about that”, I come to find it’s already been written about, preached about, podcasted about. I think of Solomon’s words in Ecclesiastes, that “there is nothing new under the sun”. I believe the desire to share new and groundbreaking truth often gets pastors and authors in trouble. Truth is truth is true. I think our flesh...well, let me just speak for myself. My flesh would love to have someone say in response to something I’ve shared, “Wow! That is so true. I’ve never thought of it that way before.” If that is my motivator, it can take me down some twisted paths of trying to stretch truth in a way that makes it “new and exciting and relevant” to get a certain response from others. Truly, there have been authors who have influenced me by sharing truth in a form that resonated with me. But however you dress it up or strip it down or pose it from a new angle, the truth in God’s Word has always been, and always will be sufficient for life and godliness, and I have nothing of worth to add to that. To conclude this (very long) side note, I have no “new truth” to offer, or original ideas to set me apart. I’m just echoing things that I’ve heard or read that have stuck with me, as we all are in some way or another. For me, that frees me to just write down what the Lord is teaching me, without the pressure of it needing to be something you’ve never heard before that is deep and profound.

1. My feelings are an exciting accent to life, but a terrible pilot.

I used to really struggle with the fact that I had so many feelings. It seemed a curse that things affected me much more deeply than other members in my family or people in my circle. Since then, I’ve learned to embrace and appreciate the heart that God has given me. I’ve gone through seasons where I was emotionally numb, and found I’ve much rather feel *all the things* than none at all. 

God made us emotional beings on purpose. He could have made us only body, or only mind, but He made it all: heart, soul, body, mind. 

Although I now appreciate my God-given emotions they are a terrible compass for guiding the course of my life. If I only did things based off of whether or not I felt like doing them, I would be in a pretty unhealthy place, both spiritually and physically. I don't feel like going to the gym. I don’t feel like getting up early to read my Bible. I don’t feel like dying to myself every day so that the power of Christ can be on display in me. I don’t feel like serving my husband by doing the dishes. I need something greater, and more consistent, than feelings to guide my daily decisions. My feelings change with the wind. What doesn’t change is truth - truth in God’s Word about who God is and how that shapes my decisions. 

Anyone else hate that phrase that’s so popular in our culture, “Just follow your heart!” Like, girl...my heart is telling me to eat a whole chocolate cake, sleep for 15 hours, avoid every hard thing in life and care only about myself. Pretty sure neither of us want me to follow my heart. Cue Jeremiah 17:9: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” If that’s what the Bible says about my heart, I definitely don’t want that to be what I’m counting on for any life decision, big or small! 

So, then what role do my emotions have?

2. Let true knowledge of God shape your feelings.

Although we know we shouldn’t let our feelings guide our walk with God, we shouldn’t completely divorce our walk with God from feelings, either. I think the current emotional-high based Christianity is a pendulum-swing response from a legalistic and ritualistic church culture that was void of emotions. Neither one of those gives emotion a right role in our walk with God.

 As I approach the Scriptures to understand more of who God is, He does produce joy in me. The primary purpose of Scripture is not to be a roadmap for my emotions, but a book all about who God is. Jen Wilkin states in Women of the Word that “pleasure results from gaining knowledge about the object of our pleasure, not, as we might assume, from experiencing it over and over.” Our walk with God is not divorced from emotions - there are many passages of Scripture that convey deep emotion in talking about God and His Word. Look at the language the Psalmist uses in Psalm 119 talking about God’s Law:

With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against You. Blessed are You, O Lord; teach me your statutes! With my lips I declare all the rules of your mouth. In the way of your testimonies I delight as much as in all riches...I will delight in your statutes, I will not forget your Word...Your testimonies are my delight, they are my counselors.

And he’s just talking about the first five books of the Bible! We have 66 - so much revealed truth about God to delight in. The problem comes when I approach the Bible to tell me how to feel, or for who I am, or how to be a better Ashley. Knowing Christ as my Savior does give me a new identity, and knowing Him does produce joy, but my primary purpose in reading my Bible is to know GOD, and as a byproduct I receive joy and an identity, not that other way around. 

I’ve seen that just telling myself over and over “You are loved! You are chosen! You are fearfully and wonderfully made!” hasn’t been able to make me secure and joyful. While those things are true, and I’m so thankful that I am loved and chosen in Christ, those aren’t the truths I should primarily dwell on. Dwelling on who I am does not produce hope; the truth is, I’m really not all that great. Terrible, actually, before Christ saved me. And even though now I have a new identity, it’s not that identity that I hope and delight in - it’s my Savior and my God who has given me that identity. He’s the one I want to know more about, because it’s in knowing Him more that I love Him more and experience true delight.

So, emotions can be redeemed as we allow the truth of who God is to shape them. They act as a gauge to alert us if there’s something we need to address, but not as a guide. Counselor Kilondra Davis explains the difference like this:

When using our emotions as a gauge, it allows us to be in control of ourselves and making our emotions report to us rather than being dictated by them. For example, the dashboard lights on our cars come on to let us know that something is wrong. The option of not acting, acting, and when to act is up to us. This is what it would mean to use your emotions as a gauge, as an indication that something is wrong, and something needs to be checked out.

The opposite of this would be the dashboard light coming on and then the car driving itself to the auto shop or even shutting itself down. In this scenario, you, as the drive, would not have any control over what is happening, and the car has complete control.

Praise God for emotions! But don’t worship them by allowing them to shape your decisions or your theology. Just because something doesn’t feel good, doesn’t mean it’s not right or true. 

[reflectionsonredemption]

Surrender

A word that the Lord has laid on my heart this year, and especially this summer, is surrender. I have to admit, though, it is not my favorite word. I prefer words like “control”, “plan”, and “hold onto”...but I’m still waiting for the Lord to lay those words on my heart, so in the meantime, here’s what I’m learning about surrender.

Surrender does not equal the absence of the desire.

Surrender does not mean that you stop wanting whatever it is you are hoping for. Rather, it means relinquishing your control over said desire. I found several definitions of surrender that have helped me gain perspective:

1. to give up of hand over (a person, right, or possession), typically on compulsion or demand

2. to give up completely or forgo, especially in favor of another

3. to give oneself into the power of another, especially as a prisoner

Surrender is saying to the Lord, “Hey, I really want this thing, but I want you more. So I am surrendering this desire to you, and asking you to make my desires Your desires.”

One of my favorite quotes is by Elisabeth Elliot, and she says, “It is the control of passion, not it’s eradication that is needed. How would we learn to surrender if we had nothing to give?”

So don’t beat yourself up if you’re trying to surrender something and you still want it. It’s not the desire in and of itself that is the problem. The problem comes when we hold tightly to those desires and don’t trust the Lord with them. Sometimes, I have to surrender a hope or plan or desire to the Lord every day. Other times, every hour. When I find that I’ve picked it up off the altar again, I have to re-surrender it. And the Lord is pleased when we keep surrendering and keep trusting. 

When we surrender something, God may or may not give it back.

I think this has been the hardest realization about surrender for me. I’ve found that a lot of times, my surrendering is really just lip service. I don’t actually want “Thy will be done” when I surrender; I tell the Lord I’m surrendering something so that He’ll hear me surrendering it and give it back to me before I’m too uncomfortable. But obviously, that’s not true surrender. 

We surrender knowing that God hasn’t promised us comfort, healing, kids, a spouse, a good job, a 5 year plan, or whatever it is that we are hoping for. But what we do know is that:

1. God knows our hearts and knows our needs

“...for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him”. (Matthew 6:8)

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)

2. He loves giving good gifts to His children

“If you, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven, give what is good to those who ask Him!” (Matthew 7:11)

God doesn’t withhold good things from us just to be cruel. Sometimes the gifts may come in a different form than what you were expecting or hoping for, but don’t allow that to make you doubt His goodness and delight in blessing His children.

3. He has promised us Himself

“The Lord Almighty is with us;    the God of Jacob is our fortress.” (Psalm 46:7)

Truly, the presence of God with us and a relationship with Him is better than any earthly thing we are hoping for...but that doesn’t mean surrendering those hopes is easy.

Whatever the outcome of your surrender, it will be for your good and His glory, even if right now we can’t possibly imagine how our lives could still be good without that one thing we are hoping and praying for.

Surrender is worth it.

The times I’ve had to surrender my plans and desires to the Lord have been really difficult. It’s not easy to give up what we want or think we deserve. But those times have also been the sweetest times of communion with the Lord. When my plans don’t work out, there’s nothing I can do but seek the Lord and trust that His plan is better.

Surrendering your hopes and dreams and rights to the Lord is no easy task, especially in a culture that tells you to demand your rights and let no one stand in the way of you accomplishing your dreams. But I’m learning that surrender is worth it. As I look back and see what the Lord has done with my surrendered hopes and plans, I’m so thankful that He is the one writing my story and not me. 

God loves me too much to give me everything I want. Sometimes the best gift He can give me is Himself, and surrender provides an opportunity to seek Him and know Him more.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,    so are my ways higher than your ways    and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:9)

[reflectionsonredemption]

Ministering with a Broken Heart

There seems to be this understanding within Christian circles that you can’t minister to others until you have experienced total healing yourself. We don’t share our struggles until we are 10 years past them, and then we share them to help those with the same struggle. Maybe I’m naïve, but I think the world needs ministry from broken people just as much as it needs ministry from healed ones, for several reasons: 

1. Our brokenness points to our need for Christ.

“When you lead with your strengths, you create a wall of separation. When you lead with your weaknesses, you create a bridge of connection.” -Calvin Nowell

Ministering from brokenness is an opportunity for the Lord’s power and love to be made evident. Because when I’m broken, there’s no way that I can love and serve others the way that I should. I have no choice but to completely rely on the Lord for the strength to be obedient in loving His children. My weakness, my sinfulness, my hurt- it all points to my need for Christ. And isn’t that more important for others to see in me than a girl who has it all together, or has all the answers? Paul sums it up well when He says, 

“And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

2. We are never fully healed in this life.

“This life, therefore, is not righteousness but growth in righteousness, not health but healing, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it. The process is not yet finished, but it is going on. This is not the end but it is the road. All does not yet gleam in glory but all is being purified.” -Martin Luther

The world we live in is a broken one. We all experience hurts and suffering during our time on earth. We are in the process of being sanctified, and praise God that we serve a God who is the true Healer and Restorer, but we will always be broken vessels while we are on this earth. If I wait to begin ministering to others until I am fully and completely healed, I may never begin my ministry- or I may miss opportunities to minister right now.

We do experience victory over sin and healing from hurt, sometimes more than others, and I believe there is a place for that testimony within ministry. It is so powerful to share with others, “Look! This is what the Lord redeemed me from! I was struggling with ____, and I now have victory through Christ.” or “I experienced this hurt and brokenness, but I found healing in the Lord.” The world needs to know there is hope and healing found in Christ. But the world also needs to know that it’s okay to be broken and to be hurting. People also need to hear, “I am not okay right now. The Lord redeemed me, but I still struggle, and I still have to surrender this to Him every day. But I have faith that He is going to heal and restore me because I trust in His power and in His love for me.”

  3. Ministering from brokenness is in itself a form of healing.

“Even in the depths of our own brokenness- actually BECAUSE of the depths of our brokenness- God can use each of us to be a gift to another broken heart. He makes us enough, makes our brokenness into abundance, to give to the brokenhearted. And in healing, we find healing.” Ann Voskamp

The Lord created us to find healing in loving and serving others. It’s a strange yet awesome paradox; when we feel empty ourselves, we ask the Lord for the love with which to serve others, and in the process, we find healing. Seeking healing above seeking Christ is an idol. Seeking joy above seeking Christ is an idol. But when we seek Christ and live in obedience to Him, the joy and the healing will come. 

[reflectionsonredemption]

Setting Healthy Smartphone Boundaries: the why & the how

I love social media. Chances are, you are reading this post because you follow me on a social media platform, and thus most likely already know this about me. I think social media gives us incredible opportunities to create, connect, encourage, and inspire. I love being able to keep up with my friends around the world (shoutout to my Costa Rica ticas!), to make people laugh, to celebrate the gifts of life, to encourage and to be encouraged in thinking deeper about issues regarding the world and God. 

I also hate social media. I hate the countless hours I spend scrolling through my feed, accomplishing nothing except to increase feelings of guilt and dissatisfaction at all the time I’ve wasted. I hate the spirit of comparison and discontentment bred in my heart and my mind as I view the lives of my friends through the fragmented lens of highlight posts. I hate the need I feel so often to document every moment of my life, a distraction which often keeps me from being fully engaged with the people and the setting surrounding me. 

This summer has offered me many opportunities to reflect on my social media habits and assess the hold that my phone has on me. My mom one week heard a sermon on smartphones and encouraged my brother and I to go social media free for a month. A few days after I logged out, I heard 2 back-to-back sermons on smartphone and social media habits, and found that my youth pastors decided to preach a series this summer based off of Tony Reinke’s “Twelve Ways Your Smartphone is Changing You”. Needless to say, it seemed that God was trying to get my attention. 

I decided to buy the Tony Reinke’s book and read it for myself, so this blog post is a compliation of things I have learned through his book, through the sermons of my youth pastors, and through my own personal reflections during my month-long social media fast. 

I’d assume that a large majority of us, if we’re honest, recognize that there’s a change that needs to take place when it comes to social media and phone habits. If you, like me, are a part of that majority, this post is directed towards you. I’m realizing that change in habits and lifestyle takes more than just self-awareness and good intentions. It’s an important first step to realize that change needs to take place, but if you stop there, you’ll end up with a lot of failures and frustrations along with those good intentions.

So, here are 3 steps to curbing your smartphone addiction:

1. Recognize the Problem.

How is this issue affecting me personally?

This step requires some brutally honest reflection on all the areas of your life that have been affected by your smartphone. During my month off of social media, I kept a journal of my reflections. Here are a few ways I found that social media has been affecting me:

Need for constant affirmation

(A lot of) wasted time

Lack of Productivity

Fear of awkward situations

Increased discontentment when comparing my life to my friends’ lives

Decreased time in the Word

Waking up feeling unrested due to late nights scrolling on my phone

Questions to consider: How have my relationships, study habits, Bible study, family, time management, sleep patterns, etc. been affected by my phone usage?

2. Set specific boundaries.

What can I do to make sure I am the one controlling my phone, and it is not controlling me?

After reflecting on the areas of my life that social media has effected, I prayed that God would help me to set specific boundaries to protect my heart and mind from being controlled by a need to be on my phone constantly.  I do believe that my phone provides unique opportunities to connect and encourage friends around the world, but in order to maximize those opportunities, I need boundaries to ensure that I am the one controlling my phone and it is not controlling me. Here are a few of the specific boundaries that I set for myself, with Scripture verses for reference:

1. No social media in the morning before spiritual disciplines.

Psalm 5:3 In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.

Every day I wake up to fight a spiritual battle, and I have to fix my mind on Jesus and surrender my selfish desires every morning. It is important to recognize that my desire for social media in the morning is fed by my desire to know who has taken notice of me, as well as my desire to avoid the responsibility of the day, and to not fuel those desires by picking up my phone first thing in the morning. 

There’s a great little 8-minute podcast by John Piper here on why not to check your phone in the morning. He says, “Every morning, our first cry should be our need for God”.

2. Turn off phone 1 hour before going to sleep.

Colossians 3:2 Set your mind on things above, not on things that are on earth.

Emotions usually run high at night, so it is wise to unplug early (for me, generally 10pm). I should fall asleep thinking about things above and dwelling on questions of eternity, rather than trying to pacify my loneliness through shallow social media interactions. I also sleep better when I’m not on my phone at night. Instead of social media, use time at night to pray or read. 

3. Don’t bring phone into the bedroom or bathroom.

1 Corinthians 6:12 All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable.

I waste a lot of time on my phone just scrolling through it in bed both during the day and at night, and even in the bathroom (a more common thing than we care to admit). This physical boundary is a protection of my space and time. 

4. No social media/texting in the car. 

Psalm 62:5 For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.

Not making any allowances for checking social media even at stoplights is to eliminate distractions for safety reasons, but also to curb my desire for constant distraction. Also, allow times of driving in silence. I should be able to sometimes drive in silence and not always feel the need to have music or some other distraction. Instead, I can use that time to think and pray.

5. Fast from social media one day a week.

Psalm 46:10 Be still and know that I am God.

Even if I don’t observe the Sabbath by ceasing from all labor, taking one day a week away from social media is a good way to recalibrate and ensure that I am not addicted to my phone. Instead, I can use this opportunity to rest and enjoy the Lord’s presence. Additionally, at times I find myself too attached to my phone, I should take week-long fasts several times throughout the year. 

6. Pray before you post.

Galatians 1:10 For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. 

I am accountable for every word I speak, and doubly so for my posts because those words remain long after they leave my fingertips. Everything I post either is directing people towards Christ or away from Christ, and I need to humbly check my motives before posting and ask myself whose glory I am trying to promote. Some helpful questions to ask myself before posting are:

Will this ultimately glorify me or God?

Will this misrepresent me or is it authentic?

Will this potentially breed jealousy in others?

Will this build up or tear down?

Additional Boundaries

I was trying to pick my top 5 boundaries, but I just couldn’t cut out any of those 6 because they are so necessary for me. In addition to those 6, here are some more boundaries and guidelines to control my phone usage:

Turn off non-essential push notifications

Don’t always respond right away

No phone during family time or when spending time with friends

use phone time tracking apps to try to limit phone time to less than 2 hours a day (that seems like a lot, but try downloading a tracking app such as Moments- you’ll be surprised at how fast those minutes on your phone add up)

When tempted to check phone or use social media to distract myself from difficult emotions, instead pray

Periodically delete social media apps from phone

Put phone away or turn it off after posting and avoid monitoring “likes”

3. Be accountable.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!

Anyone who has ever tried to stick to New Years’ resolutions, break a habit, start a diet, or change his or her life in some fashion knows that you can’t do it alone. You need more than willpower, more than good intentions, and even more than specific boundaries- you need accountability. I would encourage you, once you have prayed through your specific boundaries, to print them off and ask your brothers and sisters in Christ to keep you accountable to these boundaries. It’s not easy to change a habit, but I promise- it is worth it. My youth pastor engrained this quote on self-control in my mind growing up, and it is one I refer to often when thinking of this battle of setting boundaries with my smartphone:

Self-control is sacrificing what you want in the moment for what you want most. 

Now, these boundaries are my personal boundaries that I have set for myself after praying through the ways I am affected by my smart phone and social media. They may look a bit different for you, but I would encourage you to take a short fast from your phone to pray through your own specific boundaries. I would love to hear your feedback and thoughts on this topic!

[reflectionsonredemption]

Costa Rica- Reflections from home

Well, I’ll start by saying this: It’s good to be home!! The past month in Costa Rica was incredible, but I definitely missed things at home like my family and traffic laws (never something I thought I’d miss). 

I wanted to give a summary of the last 2 weeks of my trip, as well as some reflections now that I have been home for a few days. 

Week 3 and 4

Last time I posted a blog update, I talked about preparing a Sunday School lesson to teach to the youth group. Preparing for and giving this lesson was one of the most growing experiences of my trip. In the process of preparing, I had to surrender my fears and uncertainties to the Lord, and I prayed that He would speak His words through me to the students. Come Sunday morning, when it was time to give the lesson, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace that was clearly from the Lord. It was a morning of firsts for me- the first time I spoke for 30+ minutes straight in Spanish, the first time I shared my full testimony in front of a group, and the first time I gave a lesson/devotion to a youth group. But I also experienced the Lord’s presence and provision in a very real way. I’m not sure if I will ever know the potential impact my words had on the students, but I know that I myself grew in trusting the Lord’s provision and in boldness to speak out for Him. Those growth opportunities were for me God’s reward for  stepping out in faith and being obedient to share my testimony when God provided the opportunity. I learned that when God calls us to something, He will provide the means (in my case, the words) if we are faithful and obedient to the calling. 

 Monday through Wednesday of week 3, I had the chance to go back to Venado Island, but this time it was just me and two of my friends who were translators. The idea of us going back to the island in a smaller group was to be able to spend time with the girls there and hopefully encourage them to live a lifestyle pleasing to the Lord. Going in to the trip, my expectations were that we would spend a lot of time with large groups of girls, hanging out with them and getting to know them. It turned out that most of the time, we were just in the house of the hosting Pastor, spending time with his family. I enjoyed getting to know his family, but I also experienced feelings of frustration because I thought I’d be spending more time with the girls, and because my Spanish wasn’t as good as I would’ve liked it to be and I was having trouble communicating. On Tuesday night, we had a girls’ Bible study scheduled for 6, and at 6:15, no girls had shown up. My frustration reached its height at that point, because I had come to the island with the intention of spending time with the girls there, but the girls weren’t there to spend time with. I remember praying at various points and expressing my frustration and confusion to the Lord. A few minutes later, girls started showing up, and we ended up having 6 girls come to the house for the Bible study. Not a huge group, but we know it’s not about numbers; God can do big things even with a small number of people. Angie and Melissa (the girls who came with me) and I spent about 2 hours with the girls, talking and teaching and praying with them. Again, this was another example of a time that I’m not sure I’ll ever know the impact our words had on the girls. But I trust that He can use sinners like me to communicate His message and change hearts if we are faithful and make ourselves available to be used by Him. Now the work of changing hearts is in His hands.

I enjoyed the time on the island, even though it looked a little different than what I had expected. The only not-so-enjoyable parts were the times I got stung by a jellyfish and the time we woke up at 6am to walk around the whole island (about a 4 or 5 mile trip that took about 2 hours). But even those parts weren’t that bad; the jellyfish sting only lasted about an hour, and I was thankful for the opportunity to get a little exercise (even though my mom can tell you I’m not exactly a morning person). 

Thursday-Sunday, I had the chance to travel with some of the other translator girls to their town called Palmares. These few days were definitely the highlight of my time in Costa Rica. It was so sweet to be able to spend time with these girls I had come to know and love- some of them I met last year when I was in Costa Rica. While in Palmares, I spent time with the girls and their families, and they showed me around their town and introduced me to their church. That weekend, their youth group had a retreat at the church that we all attended. I was a little nervous that my brain would be too tired to understand Spanish all weekend, but I loved loved loved the retreat. There were about 150 other students there, from about age 13-25, and so I got to meet a lot of people around my age. Throughout Friday and Saturday, we got the chance to hear from 4 different speakers, do small group activities, and play group games. It was so fun for me to be a part of this retreat and to grow alongside of my Costa Rican brothers and sisters in Christ.

The retreat was focused around the verse Romans 12:2:

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you can prove what the will of God is: that which is good, acceptable, and perfect. 

Thinking rightly is a topic I feel like the Lord has continually brought to my attention lately, through conversations both in Costa Rica and at home, so it was cool for me to see how the topic of the retreat fit right into what the Lord has been teaching me lately. Everything from the sermons, to the worship, to the small group activities, to the skit (pictured below) was filled with truth, and I loved the chance to witness how it also impacted the other young people at the church. One of my favorite parts was the worship; there’s just something about being a part of worship in another language and praising the Lord with brothers and sisters around the world. 

 The people at church and the families of the girls I was friends with made me feel very much at home in Palmares, and I hope someday to return and visit again. 

The last week, I did some traveling to different parts of Costa Rica. I went with Danny to meet with various pastors to prepare for the next teams that will be coming to work with Churches in Missions. Costa Rica is truly a beautiful country, so I’m grateful that I was able to see a few of those beautiful places before leaving.

As I said at the beginning of my post, I am definitely thankful to now be home and with my family. One month out of the country was definitely challenging, and in those challenging moments I had to depend on the Lord in a way I never have before. But I will (and already do) miss the people in Costa Rica that became so dear to my heart. And even though I encountered experiences that were challenging for me, looking back, those were the sweetest times. Even though I had a lot of fun the last week or so of my time in Costa Rica, as I began to feel more comfortable, I felt myself missing those moments of discomfort because of the sweet fellowship with Lord that discomfort provided. So I come away with an increased appreciation for moments of discomfort, and with an awareness of how I need to be intentional to continue to seek the Lord even when I’m comfortable and less aware of my need for Him. Because the truth is, whether I’m in Cary or in Costa Rica, I’m always totally dependent on my Good Father and Life-giver. 

“I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; From where shall my help come?  My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.”

Psalm 121:1-2

I want to again express my gratitude for all of your support, prayers, and encouragement!! I am so incredibly blessed by the people God has allowed to be in my life, both overseas and at home, and I can’t thank you enough for being a part of this journey with me. Now, I’m praying for wisdom for whatever the next step is for me. I’m not sure where God would have me go next, but I know that I want to continue to improve my Spanish and use that love for Spanish and people for His Kingdom. Please continue to pray for wisdom that I would know how to use those passions in a career and in ministry opportunities in the future! 

To God be all the glory.

-Ashley

[reflectionsonredemption]

Costa Rica-Week 2

Well, it appears another week has come and come. I have been here in Costa Rica for 2 weeks, and in another 2 weeks I will be home! Time seems to be passing slowly and yet flying by at the same time. It’s a strange feeling, let me tell you.

If I could summarize this week in one word, it would be “growth”. I have been stretched in areas such as flexibility, dependency on the Lord, and trust. And it’s always exciting to grow...but with the growth inevitably comes growing pains. Growing pains are hard. Growing pains aren't always fun. But in the end, the growth is worth the difficulty. It’s just hard to remember that fact in the middle of the growing.

Activity wise, this week wasn’t the most exciting. But I’ve been learning a lot of things, and I wanted to take a few minutes to share some of those things with you. 

1) Flexibility

I can’t say this one was unexpected. They always tell you to expect changes and be flexible when you’re on missions trips. But as someone who likes organization and planning, this week flexibility was a challenge for me. Here’s a glimpse of my schedule:

I know that’s not readable, but I just wanted to show all the things circled and moved and crossed out. That basically summarizes my week. Like I said, I like to have things planned out and mapped out. So on Sunday when I still didn’t have a plan for the week, I was a little out of my element. I felt relieved when that night Danny and I sat down and planned out everything I would be doing for the next few weeks. We planned that I would be helping out in an orphanage a few days during the week, and then taking a little time to work on the VBS program and devotionals that I’d been preparing. That night when I was praying, I thanked God for the schedule, but asked Him also for open hands and flexibility in whatever happens during the week. And I guess God decided to take me up on that prayer, because the next morning we found out that all the kids in the orphanage had a very dangerous virus, and they were being treated, but it would be unsafe for me to go. Welp, goodbye plans. I was again out of my element, sitting around and waiting for something to do. But have you ever experienced a time in which God cleared your schedule so that He could teach you more about Himself? One of my recently discovered favorite books is The Best Yes by Lysa Terkeurst. She has so many quotable lines in that book, but here’s one of my favorites: 

“Never is a woman so fulfilled as when she chooses to underwhelm her schedule so she can let God overwhelm her soul”. 

What I discovered this week is that I didn’t even realize the way in which my “need” for a full schedule puts the power in my own hands and decreases my dependency on the Lord. I always want to be busy doing, doing, doing,  and sometimes that causes me to miss out on opportunities to be still in the presence of the Lord and simply enjoy Him. I think about Mary and Martha, and how Jesus says to Martha, 

“Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:41-42)

This week I heard the Lord saying to me, “Ashley, Ashley, you are worried and bothered about so many things. Be still, my child, and seek Me above all else.” 

And for the first few days, I have to admit that I did a poor job of taking advantage of the extra time to be with the Lord. And I think a lot of that is because I’m not really used to the whole “being still” thing. But when I let go of my need for a schedule and spent my time learning more about the Master of Time, I did indeed find myself with an underwhelmed schedule and an overwhelmed soul.

2) The power of prayer and the sufficiency of God

Before I left for Costa Rica, I heard my Pastor telling a story about George Mueller and how the Lord answered his prayers. Mueller had over fifty thousand recorded answers to prayer. And those are just the recorded ones. As I was preparing for my trip, I remember praying for a faith like George Mueller’s. But although Mueller had so many answered prayers, he had to first let go of the reigns of self-sufficiency before experiencing the provision of God. He often ran out of money or gave it away completely before the Lord miraculously would send someone to supply his needs.

My friend in Guatemala once told me, “People in America say the rely on God, but in reality they rely on their bank accounts and their other comforts.”

Now, that’s obviously a generalization, but there are many cases in which it holds true. The point, though, is this: You can’t really rely on God from within your comfort zone. Get out of your comfort zone, and you’ll start to experience God’s sovereignty in ways you never have before. Two instances in particular made me acutely aware of the power of prayer and the sufficiency of God. And both involved me being way out of my realm of comfort. 

Loneliness

I’m a people-person by nature. I love to be around people, talk to people, hug people, laugh with people...but me and God both know that sometimes I rely on people more than I rely on Him. So I experienced a little “tough love” this week when my Father took away that security blanket of people so that I could learn to rely on Him as my comforter. 

For the most part, I haven’t been too too homesick, but there are times that I feel the wave of homesickness creeping over me. And one of those times occurred not when I was by myself, but when I was surrounded by people. It’s not that the people were rude, or exclusive, or mean. In fact, they were some of the most loving people I have met. But the problem was that I couldn’t understand anything that was going on. Now, I’m grateful for the opportunity I’ve had to learn Spanish, and for this time I’ve had to practice it, but my ability to speak and understand is limited. Basically, if one person is speaking to me (and not too quickly), I can understand. When 15 people are all talking at once, not a chance. I began to feel lonely and also frustrated that my Spanish wasn’t better. And in that moment, the one where I would’ve run to my mom had she been there, I had no choice but to pray. I took a few minutes to pray and ask the Lord for peace, for comfort, and for understanding. I experienced His faithfulness and provision right away. He gave peace to my mind and my heart, and even the mental ability to understand more of the conversations taking place. I witnessed immediate and direct answers to prayer in the specific ways He comforted me that night. And although it was hard experiencing that loneliness and frustration, had I not experienced them, I would not have witnessed the Lord providing for my needs and calming my heart. He had to take my security blanket out of my hands so that I could see more of Him. 

Fear, Inadequacy, and Fear of Inadequacy

In preparation for my trip, I had prepared a 15-minute devotional to have with some of the girls here. Halfway through the week, I was asked by 2 of the Pastors if that could be made into a 40 minute lesson for both guys and girls. And I was like, oh yeah, sure, no problem. And then I sat down to work on it, and my thoughts were something along the lines of...

Wait, what? What did I just agree to? I can’t speak for 40 minutes in Spanish! And to both guys and girls? I don’t even know how to address guys on this topic. I have no idea what to say. And they don't even know me. Why would they listen to me? Why am I the one doing this? Isn’t there someone better equipped that can do this?

I wrestled with these fears and doubts as I continued to try and come up with something to say. I had no idea what to say. But when I talked to my mentor for advice, she reminded me what I had been missing. “Have you spent time praying about it? Like really praying?” And at first I was like, of course I’ve been praying about it. But her question got me thinking...and I realized that I had not truly surrendered this lesson for the Lord and asked for His wisdom. So I prayed. As I prayed, these verses about Moses came to mind...

But Moses pleaded with the lord , “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.” Then the lord asked Moses, “Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the lord ? Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say.” (Exodus 4:10-12)

I found comfort in the fact that 1) Moses, the great man of God, experienced fear of inadequacy as well and that 2) God never asked Moses to do it by Himself. And He wasn’t asking me to do it by myself. He wanted to be strength. He wanted us to do it together.I had to get to the point of surrendering my own words and own wisdom and ask for God’s words and His strength and HIs courage to face the fears welling up in my mind. 

And again, I found that the Lord does indeed answer prayer. He calmed my fears, He gave me the words. And I experienced God’s provision in ways that I would not have experienced had I felt comfortable giving this lesson myself. He showed me more of who He was as the God of peace, the Writer of Languages, and the lover of my soul. And I’m not sure what the youth group got out of that lesson, but I know that in preparing for it, I learned more than I ever thought I would.

Prayer Requests:

Please pray I would continue to get out of my comfort zone and be intentional this week. I sometimes feel shy and hide behind my own discomfort when meeting new people here. I feel like my Spanish isn’t good enough and that they might not like me. But these fears are crippling fears from Satan, fears that have the ability to hold me back from where God might take me and how He might use me in the lives of other people. And this week is what might be the “culmination” of my time here. I have the opportunity to spend time with girls who are in need of a face-to-face encounter with the truth and love of God. So please pray for their hearts, pray the Lord prepares their hearts to receive Him. And pray that I would get outside of myself and lay aside my own fears in order to be a part of the work that God will do. 

Again, thank you so much for taking the time to read this post! I hope that wherever you are, you allow God to take you out of your comfort zone from time to time in order to experience the height, the width, and the depth of His love and provision for you.

-Ashley

[reflectionsonredemption]

Costa Rica: Week 1

Saludos to family and friends from Costa Rica! 

This past week has been a very full week, but today I have a chance to rest and give an update of the last few days. 

Last Saturday, a team arrived from Thomasville, North Carolina, and I had the privilege of serving alongside them and doing some translating. This was cool for me because this team had pretty much the same schedule as my team did when we came last year, but I had the opportunity to experience being behind the scenes as part of the team of translators. Even though we were doing a lot of the same ministry, it was a totally different experience being on the other side of things. Having a team here from North Carolina also made me feel at home here. Although the Thomasville culture is much more Southern than that of Cary, I can’t complain because these 24 North Carolinians were the epitome of Southern hospitality. 

I’ve loved the opportunity to get to know the Rojas family and the translators better; they all have made me feel at home here in Costa Rica, and I already know it will be hard to leave them! I have been encouraged by the Rojas family and their love for the Lord and commitment to serve Him. Their 3 kids- Ezekiel, Joshua, and April- are just the sweetest, and the big sister in me is grateful to have them to hang out with. 

I met two of the translators last year when I came to Costa Rica (Nayla and Raquel), and became friends with the other 2 (David and Angie) this week and we all had a blast.

This week we did VBS at a few local schools in San Jose, and got to talk to and play with some elementary school kids in some of the public schools. On Wednesday and Thursday, we went to the Island Venado, and stayed with a Pastor there and his family. Friday we had time to rest and reflect on all that God did during the week. Each night, Pastor Danny encouraged the team to think about how they saw God that day. I want to share with you a few ways that I saw God this week. Also, my mom sent me with letters to open during my trip, and each letter includes a passage from Philippians. Here’s how I’ve seen those verses embodied:

1) I saw God in the way that the team from two churches came together as one to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

At the beginning of the week, we were a bit unsure of how it would go having a team with members of two different churches. A lot of times, when multiple churches come together (and even within one church), there are divisions and cliques and hurt feelings. But this team united with one purpose: to serve the Lord and love one another and love others. I was encouraged to see the unity of the team and the way they encouraged one another throughout the week.

 Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. (Philippians 2:1-2)

2) I saw God through the humble servitude of a Pastor and his family.

On the island, we stayed with Pastor Eladio and his wife Mrs. Epi. Although these 2 are 60 or 70 years old, I have never seen a better example of a couple for whom serving is an absolute joy. They faithfully pray for and serve everyone on the island, Christian and non-Christian alike. Although they live humbly, they joyfully hosted and fed the 30 of us in their home. They love the Lord and love to serve. I found myself convicted being in their presence, because my attitude towards serving if often not what it should be. I serve when it’s convenient and often expect a pat on the back when I do. This couple and their family ask nothing of others, and it is their delight to care for people. 

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude [e]in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. (Philippians 2:3-7)

3) I saw God in the presence of a peace that passes all understanding.

In preparing for this trip, I’ve wrestled with a lot of fear. Fear of leaving home, fear of coming to another country by myself, fear that my Spanish won’t be good enough, fear for my safety, fear that God can’t use me...to name a few. And there are times in which I wish I could just get rid of all my fears. But I am realizing that in fear, there is an opportunity. An opportunity to surrender, to acknowledge my own weaknesses and depend on the Lord for strength. It’s not that I am more dependent on the Lord for strength in Costa Rica than I am in the States; I am always dependent on the Lord. But the difference is that getting outside of my comfort zone makes me aware of just how much I am dependent on the Lord each and every day. And when I come to the end of myself, I see the ways in which the Lord provides for my needs and calms my fears. Am I still homesick sometimes? Yep. Am I still nervous to speak Spanish? Definitely. But I’m finding that faith is learning to surrender fear to the Lord and trust that He is greater. That He will supply all my needs. And He has never failed to do so. 

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-7)

Here are a few ways that you can continue to pray for me:

1) Strength

Pray for strength both physically and mentally! This week, the days have been full but exhausting. Danny warned me ahead of time that my brain would probably stop working sometimes just from the exhaustion of translating. And yesterday and today I’m realizing what he meant! Today I can barely think in English, much less Spanish. So please pray for mental and physical strength!

2) Peace

I know that I just talked about how the Lord has given me peace, and He has, but I ask that you pray that He continues to do so. Thus far, I haven’t been too too homesick, but tonight I FaceTimed with my family and had a hard time because I miss them a lot. I definitely feel welcome and at home here, but pray for peace and that I will learn to depend on Christ alone!

3) The hearts of the people

In the next few weeks as we go to different churches and orphanages and schools, pray that the Lord prepares the hearts of the people to receive Him. It’s great that teams come and that we share the love of Christ with them, but God is the one who changes hearts. So pray that they begin to become aware of their need for a Savior. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this post and for your prayers!! I am inexpressibly grateful for the support of friends back home, and for the chance to make new friends here. To God be all the glory. 

-Ashley

[reflectionsonredemption]

You Don't Have to Go to a Secular College to Be Challenged in Your Faith

After deciding to go to a Christian college, I’ve discovered that there seems to be this common misconception that you have to go to a public college if you really want to be a witness for the Lord and establish your own personal faith. College, they say, is a time to get out in the “real world” and face the trials that come with secular education. Now, obviously there will be different challenges at a public college than at a Christian college. However, even in the first semester of being at Liberty University, I’ve had my faith tested and grown in more ways than I could’ve expected in just a few short months. I recognize that there will still be Christians opposed to the concept of a Christian college, but I wanted to share a few areas specific to Christian colleges that do challenge and enhance the growth of one’s personal faith.

1. You have to carefully filter the messages and sermons you receive at a Christian college. At a public college, it’s fairly easy to discern what is Biblical and what is secular. But at a Christian school, where we have believers from all denominations and walks of life come and speak to us, the lies are more subtle. Obviously, a Christian college is not a church. We have all kinds of pastors and business owners and politicians come to speak to our student body. And frankly, some of the “Christian” speakers that come preach messages that really just aren’t that Biblical. Personally, I don’t necessarily see it as a bad thing that we have many kinds of speakers at our school. It provides a unique opportunity to hear from people in widely varying occupational settings. The problem occurs when you expect every speaker to have the same level of Biblical knowledge and accuracy. But, if you approach these messages with a slight skepticism and filter every message through the lens of the Bible, you really will grow in your own personal faith as you search the Scriptures to discern what is true and what is not. We aren’t required to take the words of every speaker as law.  We are free (and encouraged) to openly debate, research, and discuss ideas posed by guest speakers. With this understanding and expectation to at times disagree with guest speakers, a student’s mindset shifts from passively absorbing all teaching, to accepting the invitation to challenge a speaker’s ideals in light of Biblical truth. 

2. You will be challenged in the beliefs you have grown up with. Because of the diversity of backgrounds from which students at a Christian college come, you will have friends from many different denominations and variations of Christian beliefs. I personally grew up going to the same church for 18 years, surrounded by people who believed the same thing as me. It was strange yet exciting to encounter Believers at school from so many different Christian backgrounds. My roommates and I have had many opportunities to discuss topics like predestination, limited atonement, pastoral qualifications, and even whether or not animals go to heaven. We have all grown up with differing beliefs on these topics, yet share a desire to evaluate our beliefs in light of the Bible. I have been challenged to evaluate why I believe what I believe- and not simply accept beliefs because I have grown up with them. I think there is a great opportunity to discuss, in love, differing convictions, and search the Scriptures for yourself to discover truth. 

3. You often have to work harder to see behind the masks of friends and fellow students. People in a Christian setting learn how to “play Christian”. This is true not only of Christian colleges, but any Christian school or church or Christian setting. When someone is surrounded by Biblical teaching and lots of Christians, they learn the dos and don’ts of "How to Act Christian”. This can pose a challenge for a true believer attempting to get to the heart of his or her friends. It means having to be persistent and intentional in getting to know people. It means demonstrating a caring spirit for others that goes beyond the level of surface-y spiritual questions. It means not assuming that everyone who knows the Sunday School answers knows Jesus. Often times, you’ll find that the reason that many of these people don’t want to know Jesus is because of the way they have been treated by so-called Jesus followers. The hypocrisy of believers- the incongruence between what they say and how they act, their failure to love unbelievers- contributes to the dwindling desire of Christian impersonators to truly know Christ. And this leads to the third challenge of Christian colleges:

4. It’s a lot harder to get away with a sinful lifestyle at a Christian school. I say harder because it’s difficult, but not impossible. Our flesh is constantly crafting new ways to be deceptive and get away with sin. But, there is a much greater atmosphere of accountability at a Christian school. Between your roommates, RA’s, hallmates, and classmates, there’s a lot of people who are going to witness your shortcomings and disobedience. This added accountability will inspire 1 of 2 things. It will either inspire increased humility, or it will inspire increased secrecy. Often times, Christian schools and the church unfortunately inspire the latter. We have this unspoken shared misconception that good Christians don’t sin. And we all come in with our masks of perfection, pretending that we have it all together and never struggle with sin. The mark of a strong Christian, however, isn’t how much they sin, but how they respond when they sin. Strong Christians confess and repent of their sins, to God and to those that they wronged. They have an increased humility as they come face-to-face with their weaknesses and understand that Christ loves them still. And that humility begets grace; a true believer understands how much grace they have been given, and manifests that grace in their relationships with others. This humility and grace leads to vulnerability. And vulnerability is contagious; it cultivates real friendships in which people are free to take their masks off. So the added accountability at a Christian school can be a beautiful thing, when approached correctly. However, accountability also has the potential to build walls and formulate masks when viewed through the detrimental standard of perfection.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of benefits/challenges for believers at a Christian school, but I see these challenges as some of the most significant ones. I’d like to note that higher education any school, whether public or Christian, can be viewed as either a time to foster sin or a time to cultivate righteousness. Wherever you go, you will find what you are looking for. If you are looking for friends who will allow you to live in folly, you will find that. If you desire strong Christian friends who will encourage you to live in wisdom, you will find that also. Any college experience can be a time to have a lasting Kingdom impact and solidify your personal beliefs. I hope to communicate, though, that you don’t have to be in a “secular” setting in order to grow and glorify God through the furthering of His Kingdom.

[reflectionsonredemption]

Robbing yourself of the blessing of singleness

Allow me to be vulnerable for a few minutes here. I’ve recently been discovering just how much I have been robbing myself of experiencing the blessings of singleness. Now, this may be the part where I lose the interest of anyone reading this post, because singleness is a topic that we always hear about; we know, in theory, that singleness is a blessing. But I think that I am justified in stating that often times, we as single people rob ourselves of this blessing in subtle ways. 

1. We rob ourselves of the blessing of singleness when our thoughts consist primarily of relationships. 

What do you dwell on? Do you dwell on the relationships of those around you? Or maybe a future relationship that God has not yet brought into your life? I know that I often find myself thinking about my future in terms of relationships and marriage. Now, I think that many people would say that is “normal” and “justifiable”, but let’s think about it: As a single person, this is the only time in my life that I have to not be focused on relationships. Why waste it by dwelling on a future relationship, when God will bring that about in His timing?

Paul puts it this way in 1 Corinthians 7, “And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”

In this period of singleness, we have the blessing to be anxious about the things of the Lord. That’s not to say that married people are not anxious about the things of the Lord, but we as single people have the unique opportunity to devote our attention and devotion to the Lord with minimal distractions. I love the way Paul says it in verse 35: Secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. Don’t miss this gift of undivided devotion by dividing your mind in dwelling on relationships.

2. We miss out on the blessing of singleness when we don’t take advantage of the ministry opportunities we have right now. 

In this period of singleness, your agenda is not tied to the agenda of another person. If God is calling you to missions somewhere, go! There are so many opportunities you can take part in right now that will inevitably be more difficult to find time for in the future when you have a family of your own. Discover the areas in which God has gifted you and maximize this opportunity to serve and do missions. 

3. We miss out on the blessing of singleness when we don’t view our current state of singleness as ordained by the Lord.

Subconsciously, we often believe that singleness is a less-satisfying waiting period that we have to endure before experiencing the blessings of marriage. Marriage is most definitely a blessing. But so is singleness. And your singleness is not an accident. It is a purposeful period in your life, ordained by God, and He wants you to use it intentionally. It is not simply a waiting period until God chooses to give you a relationship leading to marriage. Don’t wait on developing your relationship with the Lord until you are joined to another. Dive into the Word now, devote your thoughts, time, and energies to Him and watch how He will use you.

This quote seems simple, yet it is incredibly insightful for me: 

“When you’re single, be single. When you’re dating, be dating. When you’re engaged, be engaged. When you’re married, be married.”

It’s common for single people to act like they are dating someone without committing to them. Or for couples who are dating to be completely wrapped up in each other and act as though they are married. Each stage is ordained by the Lord and has its own unique gifts. Don’t miss out on those gifts by rushing the process and pretending to be in a different stage than the one God has placed you in right now.

“Don’t use your whole single experience to pine away about marriage [or relationships]. See it for what it is: ordained by God to secure an undivided devotion to the Lord.” 

[reflectionsonredemption]

All the Single Ladies

What is love?

“Ladies, you shouldn’t want a guy to love you, but a man to love you as Christ loves the church.” Wise words from my friend Allie. So why do we so often settle for less? Is it a lack of understanding of what love is? Or is it an unwillingness to find the patience to wait for that love? Perhaps both. In such a self-seeking world as this, unfortunately the 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love is not popular. It’s not quite as appealing as love as defined by the world: a love based off of feelings and self-satisfaction. It’s based off of what makes you happy. A wise older woman in the church put it this way: “The problem with this kind of love is that it quickly runs out of steam. When the other person doesn’t satisfy you, you leave.” So it really is no wonder that divorce has become the expected fate of almost every marriage. But what if we, as young people, learned what true love looks like? What if we learned to love, settled for nothing less, in relationships and in marriage? So what exactly does 1 Corinthians say about love?

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...”

(I know that you just skipped over those verses and didn’t actually read them because it’s such a well-known passage. Seriously, go back and actually read and meditate on those verses) Wow. There’s one word I can think of that describes that kind of love: radical. Can you imagine what relationships would be like, what friendships would be like, what families would be like if this was our definition of love? This should be the standard that we have for ourselves, and for any man in pursuit of us. That means you can cross any guy off your list who is constantly jealous, only wanting you just to have someone, not really concerned with who you are as a person so long as he can call you his. As well as any guy who takes delight in anything impure or ungodly, which is reflected in many ways, but especially in his speech. Ephesians 4:29 says,

“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification, according to the need of the moment, so that it may give grace to those who hear.”

as well as Ephesians 5:3 which says,”

“But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints; and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.”

Those who strive to live by these verses are just so much more mature, because they aren’t constantly making crude jokes to get a few laughs, or constantly using profane words from a lack of ability to express themselves. They are striving to build others up rather than tear them down.

And how do you attract a godly man who loves well? By being a godly woman who loves well. And how do we accomplish this? We look to the only One who demonstrates love perfectly, who IS love. 

Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

John 15:13 “Greater love has none than this; that a man lay down His life for His friends”.

He died for us while we were in the midst of our sins, sinning against God with no desire for repentance. What would the world say to this? “Wait until they’re sorry for what they did to you, and then make them pay for the way they made you feel.” But the gospel preaches an entirely different message. It talks about an all-powerful God who loved us enough to DIE for us, while we were unrepentantly sinning against Him. The overflow of gratitude for His love leads us to love others. When you truly understand the depth of the love of Christ, it’s impossible to keep it to yourself. When you truly understand His love, this is the kind of love with which you strive to love others, and the standard you have for anyone who professes to love you. He is our motivation to love, and to love well.