relief-for-an-overachiever

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summer 2024/25 visionboard 🌞

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𝔟𝔯𝔲𝔫𝔠𝔥 𝔦𝔫 𝔭𝔞𝔯𝔦𝔰

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Sweater Weather

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Random mealspø ✨🌟

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Tattoo Spo

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Summer Th!nspø ☀️🌴

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I need a drink, I need a smoke, I wish I could sleep, but I'm "sane". But tonight, just tonight... Of course it's never just a night, not even a week, but cycles of months/years of self-ab*se.

I need a night, I need a f*ck, I need a cry and a sharp cold blade. But this work and life is not meant to waste, is meant for greatness, which I cannot cloud with those thoughts.

Maybe if I wasn't running on 5h of free time a week it would be easier. Maybe if I wasn't the only one planning and showing resilience it would be okay to rest. Maybe if I wasn't aiming to high I could live a normal air-head life, one I puked just thinking about.

It's been nearly a year since I felt home. It's been weeks of me showing my worst character traits. Can't I stop complaining about bad level and wasting time/energy ? Can't I keep negative thoughts to myself ? Literally everyone told me to shut up. Classmates said I have a problem and am being mean to others, which is true (but those people are mostly why I feel drained from the start). Art told me I should just go to his brother's birthday and not tell him I was stressed since it prevents me from achieving homework.

Can't I win ? Doing my most is not enough, and I'm getting tired of trying so hard for something I have next to no chance to reach. At the same time, I have to try. I have to grab this chance, the only chance I have left. I spent years making room and change, and I don't want to waste it by going mad again.

Can't I rest ? Great things are made in sacrifices and by working more/better than planned. I want to keep my few hours of calm to myself. And that's considered selfish.

Now let's think about what I should do :

- stop messing with rest/work time and keep to schedule

- stop talking at school ENTIRELY if it's not to ask or offer useful information

- stop pestering Art for physical touch, without feeling attracted to anyone else

- keep not smoking

- keep exercising

- eat for hunger, not for comfort/habit

- skip useless lessons and ask others for notes

- keep reading and increase books if possible

- be the damn best, again, tired, sad, cut, but winning at the end of the day

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fit inspo 🫶

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I stopped smoking 4 days ago ! And did pilates ! And went for walks !

I keep thinking how easier and more enjoyable life would be if it wasn't raining, cold and windy outside all the time. Last summer we only had 2 weeks of shorts/dress season.

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Healthy Foods

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