rellasnowheenim

[rellasnowheenim]

[rellasnowheenim]

“I’ll learn whatever I couldn’t do before”

I think Rafs hunger to learn for/abt mc is one of his hottest traits ngl

[rellasnowheenim]

A painter and his muse 🥰

[rellasnowheenim]

Imagine being Caleb's non-mc significant other. part2

Imagine the way you laugh, the way you tilt your head back, the way your hand find his like it was your instinct. It was the kind if laugh that he was been longing to hear after all those mission that has been keeping him away from you. And now he is right here by your side, staring into your smile that hadn't changed. How he love to be with you like this.

Imagine the way the two of you were sitting right next to each other at the cinema. The way your head was on his shoulder, his fingers tracing idle patterns against your hands as he tries to put his attention in the movie you have been talking all over the phone for the past few weeks, fully knowing he would end up looking at you anyway. Nonetheless, it was a quiet moment, he was at peace. You've always been his home and peace.

Imagine the way this phone vibrated halfway the movie, Caleb was about to ignore it. Pips would not bother his time with you, she learned not to after the last time. He knew he made a promise to be there for her but at the same time, he knows where his priority lies, you. He was about to ignore it, the buzzing of his phone that was been going on for quite sometime now. But then what he saw was unfamiliar, unregistered phone number. It wasn't a mission, not even pips let alone his friends. It was a threat. Not just to him, but to you.

"It's MC." He lied. And fuck, the way he wanted to take it back so bad the moment he saw the way your face shifted, the way the light in your eyes flicker. The glimpse of disappointment in your eyes. Hurt. He knew he had hurt you once again. But then you look away, hiding it from him. You've always been so understanding, even when you don't understand, you tried. You always did. And so he couldn't take it back, it was the easiest way to say something that would have taken him so long to explain.

"Please Caleb. Just after the movie. Can't we have this moment?" You said. Almost, he almost folds. He wanted to say yes. Every part of him was screaming at him, wanting to say yes. To stay right here, to ignore the message and turn off his phone. But he couldn't do that, not when threat was around. Not when he could potentially put you in danger just by staying right beside you. He couldn't do that. He was panicking, he felt like he was running out of time. He felt like every minute with you would only put you in danger. He needs to put an end to this, fast.

Imagine the way the unexpected happened. The way you grab his hand and look at him, hoping, eyes looking for answer to your question. "Why, because you'll choose her?" His heart dropped. He should have told you back then. It wasn't her. That it was you. That he was leaving to protect you. But then he froze. He froze like a coward, something he shouldn't be. He haven't been a coward for a long time, not until they manage to get out of that hell he and MC have been through when they were a child. But here he was, right in front of you acting like one. All because he was afraid to lose you. And you let him go.

Imagine the way he should have stayed. He should have told you. He should have been faster. He should have called earlier. But he wasn't fast enough. The moment he turned onto your corner street was just enough time for him to see your-his home light up the night sky. It was the loud sound of the explosion that split him in half. The way he couldn't even hear the sound of his own voice screaming for your name. He just remember the ringing sound, the smoke, the fire. It felt like he had died once again. And maybe he did, right with you.

Imagine the way he did not even flinch when it was reported as a gas leak. An accident. What a lie. He knew better than anyone that was a fucking lie. It was meant for him. You were just where he lived. Where he loved. And they knew that.

Imagine he woke up at night, cold sweat running down his neck, tears running down his cheeks. He lost you again, this time within reach. It was haunting him. Your smile, your laugh, your eyes. You died thinking he had chosen her. You died thinking he had walked out on you, on us again.

Imagine the truth was just he was trying to save you. In the end, he failed. He tried to be gentle, even in the midst of panic. But in the end, you're gone. All because he thought he had it under control. All because he thought he still had time.

Imagine in the end he reach out for his phone, dialed your number but it doesn't ring anymore, but he pretend it does. Just so he can hear your voice again.

Imagine he could heard that grief is love with nowhere to go. But strangely, his goes everywhere. It burns in his chest, spills out of his hand and sits in every second he was alive without you. He did not just lose you. He killed you. And there is no coming back out of that.

[ⓒdark-night-hero] 2025°

: Penge piso, pambili ng lollipop.

: goodnight- oh wait, i need to tag 🥹😭 edit: I can't tag?!

[rellasnowheenim]

Imagine being Rafayel's non-mc significant other. part 2

Imagine Rafayel was told that love would come eventually. That if he stayed, that if he tried hard enough. If he softened at the edges and let someone in. It would bloom. He never believed in fairytales. But with you, he find it possible.

Imagine you weren't a spark. You were a slow burn. Steady, endearing and warm. It was not the kind of love that strikes like lightning, but the kind that stays even after the storm. So he stayed. He let you in.

Imagine you were never loud in your affection, but he felt it. In the way you picked up his brushes when he forgot, picked up strange yet beautiful shells just the way he liked it. The way you filled his silences without demanding answers. The way you just stare at him for hours as you admire his work.

Imagine the way he slowly, carefully, he began to think. Maybe this is what love looks like. Maybe this is what it feels like. So he planned it. The proposal. Not the one that was arranged by your families. This one is private, intimate. Just for the two of you.

Imagine he wasn't good with sentiment, not like you. So he turned to the only person he trusted with the details, his bodyguard, MC. She had the clarity he lacked, the composure to pull it off. And she agreed without hesitation.

Imagine you were supposed to find the shells. You were supposed to follow the trail to the spot he first smiled at you. The ring would be there, and so would he, on one knee. That was the plan. But the plan never mattered in the end. Because something in you had already broken. And he failed to noticed. Not until it was too late.

Imagine he remembered the way your voice trembled when you asked if he had eaten for dinner. He remembered brushing you off. Again. “Miss Bodyguard and I already ate.” He remembered the flicker of light, of hope in your eyes when he said her name. The way your hands moved back, trying to hide the plate of his favorite food. He didn't even say thank you. He remembered your silence that night. And the silence that followed after that. And then there was nothing at all.

Imagine the time he found the note you left behind, the ring was already burning a hole in his pocket.

If she ever gets the pieces of you I waited for, tell her I'm glad someone finally saw them.

Imagine the way he read it once. Twice. Ten times. He clutched it with shaking hands, staring at the place where your painting was, the one you've been trying so hard to paint for so that you could spend time with him. It was now complete. Painted on the canvas was an image of two people. One that was clearly painted after him and the other figure looking like a blur. You were gone.

"She thought I loved you." he whispered to MC, standing in the ruins of what was meant to be your new beginning. MC was quiet as always. "She thought I loved you." He repeated, his eyes trembling as he stare at the sea numbly. "And do you?" She asked. Rafayel then close his eyes. "No." He breathed. "No, I don't."

but Imagine, does did even it matter now? You're already gone. You had looked at his laughter and found yourself a stranger to it. You had watched him lean towards another and wondered when did you stopped being the the one he fell into. You had waited and waited and waited until love became loneliness wrapped in duty. And so when he reached out, he find nothing but fine sand slipping through his fingers.

Imagine everytime he went back to the island. Alone. The shells were still there, the ones you left for him. He tried to follow the trail backwards like maybe if he reversed time, he could find you waiting at the end. But you aren't there. Only the sea and silence. And a memory of a heart he did not know was slowly and quietly falling apart.

Imagine you once told yourself that you cannot heal in the same place you got sick. But Rafayel? He carries the ring. Not to give but to remember. Trying to figure out if he was the illness or just the cure that came too late. Because sometimes, the cruelest heartbreak wasn't being unloved. But being loved just a little too late.

[ⓒdark-night-hero] 2025°

: fuck cleaning my room, imma do this.

[rellasnowheenim]

[rellasnowheenim]

This blog is my adult version of cutting pictures out of magazines and glueing them on to paper

[rellasnowheenim]

Mary Oliver, "From The Book of Time." Devotions

[rellasnowheenim]

“Hot and bothered” in the sense that it is 90 degrees out and I am extremely annoyed

[rellasnowheenim]

[rellasnowheenim]

[rellasnowheenim]

I do the opposite of gatekeeping, I’m not going to shut up until you like this thing as much as I do

[rellasnowheenim]

from Autopsy by Donte Collins

[rellasnowheenim]

i wish sadness was a jacket i could take off and put back on whenever i feel strong enough to carry it

[rellasnowheenim]

i told the moon to look after you

[rellasnowheenim]

Sylus is so healing for me because he loves Mc for the things that society hated women for. He loves her independence, greediness, determination. Its so healing to see a woman be loved for those things. Her agency and consent matter to him so much!

[rellasnowheenim]

everything you need

summary: Due to your period pain, you have to cancel a date with Xavier. He stays by your side and comforts you throughout it.

★pairing: Xavier x Reader ★wc: 2.8k ★content: Reader has menstrual cycles (no mention of gender), description of periods (cramps, nausea, brief mentions of blood, taking medication for pain/nausea). Hurt/comfort, very soft, teeny bit of angst. Xavier takes care of Reader during their period, is generally supportive and the sweetest boyfriend. Xavier calls Reader Starlight, sweetheart, baby. Xavier's phone nickname is bunbun bf. References to Horizon’s Pulse. ★a/n: I finally played Horizon’s Pulse and cried. And then I wanted to write my first Xavier fic as a little follow-up to it, but it turned into a totally self-indulgent period comfort fic? But I love it, and hope it's comforting to others too <3 (I haven't played Feverish Attempts yet, so there's no spoilers for that in here) masterlist ★ read on ao3

Periods had always knocked you the fuck out.

It was something you had to gently make Xavier aware of once your relationship really progressed into something serious. Something that meant nights spent at each other’s place, which could bring with it issues if his apartment wasn't well-stocked for your monthly needs.

He hadn’t even blinked when you first brought it up. He only asked you what types of products you preferred, nodding intently when you listed off your favorite brands along with the other necessities—painkillers (most of his were unopened and expired, as he neglected his occasional injures and “never got sick”) and a heating pad (again, old, as in it's like he’s had the thing for decades old, just like the one Gran had back home).

“I can get bad cramps,” you reply, a bit awkwardly as you notice his brows furrow, light eyelashes fluttering with a look of concern. You weren’t embarrassed—you just didn’t want to worry him. You were used to it, but he wasn’t. “Like, really bad. Back in high school I’d miss classes, or full days. All I could do was lie down in the bathroom until it passed.”

“Does it still get that bad?” His voice is soft, his eyes pained. There’s something that flashes through them too quick, but the only evidence of the fleeting, haunted expression is how he reaches for your hand and holds on tight.

You hesitate. “Sometimes.”

He stares down at your hand in his, tracing his thumb down over your veins. It rubs over your pulse point, and he’s so quiet for a moment, you wonder if he’s counting the beats.

Why, though, you’re not sure.

“I won’t die from cramps, Xavier,” you laugh, and his face pinches again, turning downwards until all you can see is his fluffy hair.

He presses a kiss to where your heart races underneath his lips, then peers up at you through his long, elegant lashes. You stroke your free hand over his cheek, gazing into those pools of serene blue. He nuzzles into your hand, getting as lost in you.

“Promise?” he mumbles quietly, and you fail to stifle a snort at his cuteness.

“Mhm.” You nod, giggling again at his petulant pout towards your noncommittal answer. “Promise.”

He walks to your favorite convenience store a few blocks away that night, picking out all the things you’d listed, and more. There’s electrolyte drinks and little cookies, and three heating pads in the bags he brings back. They all have different cloths and settings, and he insists you try out each to decide which one helps best.

A couple mornings later is when the cramps hit. It’s a lighter period, pain and flow wise, and you’re grateful he doesn’t have to see it so bad that first time.

Xavier wasn’t exactly the type to hover—even if he got clingy, he knew you were capable. But maybe that was the reason why your menstrual cycle always seemed to stress him out a bit. He just didn’t seem to like the idea of your own body taking you out of commission.

Curled around your favorite heating pad on the couch—one with a cute little star pattern on the fabric, you were happy at the coincidence since you liked its heat settings the most—you sip at one of the juice boxes he’d gotten for you, while he gently massages your feet in his lap.

For a moment, he seems to hesitate. Then he asks, softly, the words almost lost in the calm air of the moment, “Do you want me to track it?”

You blink, glancing at him. “Track it?”

“Yeah.” Xavier shifts, pressing his thumb into your heel in pleasant circles before meeting your eyes. “If that would help you be prepared for when it comes. Only if you’re comfortable with it, though.”

You smile, heart swelling with affection for this man who’d stumbled into your life—or maybe you’d stumbled into his.

Or maybe everything had been leading you to each other all along.

You’d agreed, and that was that. Xavier tracked your cycle alongside you with your consent, gently reminding you of its possible effects on you when your emotions were too high, and realization may slip.

Somehow, those moments didn’t frustrate you. Maybe it was just the gentle ease with which Xavier spoke, his boundless patience and genuine grace, especially when it came to you.

So you weren’t really sure how you both managed to miss it this time.

You were glad it had fallen on the weekend, at least, so you didn’t have to either waste a sick day or be forced to tough it out, going into fighting Wanderers while already bleeding. But you were also pissed as hell that your cramps kept you bedridden for both your days off.

Worse, you had to cancel your day trip with Xavier out to a popular new hotpot restaurant on the farther edge of the city.

Even worse than that, he knew right away that something was wrong.

Xavier was never one to be upset over canceled plans. He was just as happy curling up on the couch with you, enjoying some favorite takeout with a cheesy movie on in the background.

You usually weren’t so upset at waylaid plans either. You could be as much a homebody as your cozy boyfriend, especially considering just how cozy he could be when you were all snuggled up.

(Recently, you even had to make a rule to keep him in another room as you were getting ready to go out, so you wouldn’t be pulled into a cuddle session that ended up in missed dinner reservations.)

But this date, you had been looking forward to. You’d set reminders on both your phones, and a heart nestled next to a star on the old-fashioned calendar hanging in his living room.

The food had sounded so good for the week leading up to it, and maybe that strong craving should’ve been a hint to check your own calendar system, in hindsight. But there hadn't been a mark for it on his, either. It had slipped both your minds this time around.

The pinching, throbbing pain in your abdomen waking you up on the Saturday you were set for your date let you know the gravity of your mistake.

“Fuck,” you hissed, clutching at your stomach as you pulled yourself up and into the bathroom, doubled over from the added nausea the pain brought with it.

It was a good thing you were sleeping in your own apartments that morning. Better not to scare Xavier with the potential of blood on his spotless white sheets or, worse, give him a heart attack if he woke up to find you curled up on the bathroom floor.

You don’t know how long your forehead was pressed to the cool tile, until you were able to pull yourself up enough to force down some pain reliever from the medicine cabinet. Stumbling back to bed with a cold washcloth pressed over the back of your neck, you grabbed for your phone to send him a quick text.

You blinked in surprise to find he had already sent two messages about an hour ago.

Morning, Starlight. Can I come over early Can't wait to see U

Your phone pings again, and you rub your eyes.

bunbun bf poked you R U awake

You poise your fingers to type a reply, pondering your excuses, but stop when another message bubble pops up from him.

It says read. U feeling okay

You sigh, rubbing your forehead. How does he already know?

I'm okay. Hey, think we can do our hotpot date another day? Just feeling tired. I think yesterday's mission wore me out more than I realized.

Mid-typing another response, your phone pings again.

Liar I'm coming over now

You groan, wondering if you wanted to push back on this, before tossing your phone to the side.

Maybe he could grab your soda crackers from the kitchen. You were still nauseous, and you didn’t have the strength to go crawling for them right now.

What felt like only a few seconds later had Xavier knocking on your front door, even before he used his thumbprint to let himself in. You wonder if he teleported down here.

“Sweetheart?”

His footprints lead straight to your bedroom, and you hear his breath catch the moment he sees you from the doorway.

Now you really wonder if he teleported, because he’s by your side in an instant, hand pressed to your forehead, gently turning your face so he can see you.

“What’s wrong?” His voice is hushed, sweet and gentle as ever. But you hear the undercurrent of worry that rushes his words just a bit, even quicker with panic the more he talks. “Are you sick? Are you in pain? Did you get injured yesterday? I didn’t notice anything.”

You shake your head, and his assessment scans down your body. He gently nudges away the sheets curled around your sweaty, clammy skin.

“Oh, Starlight,” he whispers, rubbing his warm palms around where you clutch at your abdomen. “I’m sorry, I must’ve forgotten to note it down. Shit.”

You manage to arch an eyebrow. Sure, Xavier could have quite the dirty mouth on him when the mood struck—especially when a certain mood struck—but something about this felt especially frustrated. An irritation turned inwards.

“Hey,” you murmur, nudging his thigh with your knee once you get it free of the sheets. “Don’t be mad at yourself. It must’ve come early. Or late, who knows. It happens.”

He sighs, focusing back in on you. His eyes are big and caring, blond hair shining with a golden sheen in the morning light that peeks through your curtains.

“What can I do for you?”

You just about melt at that, smiling weakly up at him.

“Can you get my crackers?”

He’s nodding, already moving towards the door. “Nauseous? Do you have your—”

“No, I’m out,” you sigh, pinching your nose as you remember you’d put off refilling your anti nausea medication. “Can you check for—”

“Gatorade, yeah, if there isn’t any I’ll order some,” he calls softly from rustling around in the kitchen, a place where you’d usually dread Xavier spending time in.

You don’t need to ask to know he’ll pay for rushed delivery if there isn’t any of your favorite flavor in your fridge. You also don’t need to tell him you’ll pay him back for it, knowing he’ll frown deeper and deeper at you until you relent.

Unfortunately, it’s a period that knocks you out. You’re out of commission for most the day, and that general feeling of malaise lingers into night.

Xavier refuses to leave your side. It lets him see firsthand how much you droop the closer you get to when your dinner reservation was, now canceled. Like a flower without sunlight, curling in on itself to drop all its petals, one by one.

He rubs his hand down your back or massages across your abdomen when you want it, and pulls back to give you space when you don’t. He plays your favorite music on his phone when you sniffle in the silence, and continues to hum the songs when his phone runs out of battery.

Xavier doesn’t comment when you turn over, just silently sets his book aside to hold you when you curl up on his chest. He doesn’t complain when the warmth of the heating pad begins to sear between you, doesn’t pull back when your tears stain his favorite white hoodie.

“Are you sad?” He asks quietly when your crying begins to ease. It may seem a silly question, but you know he wants to hear it from you, if there's anything in particular upsetting you.

You sniff. “No,” you mumble into his chest.

His thumbs massages circles into a tense muscle on your hip, and you sink into him. “Really?” He hums.

You stiffen, then sigh. “No.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You shake your head. Then, a moment later, you confess anyway, feeling like you'll explode if you don't, “I just…I was looking forward to our date.”

“I know, baby,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “We can always go another time.”

You feel the tears brimming again. “I know. But I—I wanted to go today.”

“I know,” he murmurs again, soothing and unbothered by your jumbled feelings.

“I wanted to go so bad and I’m just so mad—I hate when this happens, I hate how it just knocks me out.”

Xavier continues to run his soothing touch along your back in circles, letting you talk until you start to make sense out of your emotions.

“It’s not your fault.”

“It’s not,” you confirm his gentle reassurance, sniffling again. “It still sucks, though.”

“It does,” he reaffirms. “It’s not fair.” Then, quieter, “I hate seeing you unwell.”

You hold him tighter. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” He hooks his finger under your chin, lifting your face for a gentle kiss. It’s chaste, a familiar, unhurried gesture of affection. “I just wish I could help more.”

“You do more than enough.”

Xavier just hums again, stroking your back and humming your favorite songs until you fall asleep.

In the morning, you wake to find him gone.

You frown, confused and more than a little sad at the empty side of the bed. At least the cramps have eased enough that you can actually pull yourself out of it.

After changing your product in the bathroom, you stumble out into the living room only to find you weren’t so alone after all.

On the counter sits a little flower pot, and Xavier fusses around it, trimming bits of yellowing leaves and gently drizzling a glass of water over it.

“Xavier?”

The water sloshes a bit at your sleepy voice, and he sets the glass down, turning to you with a smile.

“Hey,” he calls, reaching his hand out to you. “Morning.”

“Morning.” You take his hand, letting him tug you closer, returning his quick kiss of greeting. “What’s this?”

“Oh.” He turns back towards the flower, scratching the back of his head. His hair was still a bit messy with sleep, even if he must have gone out to see Jeremiah for this flower, because you don’t recognize it from his apartment’s collection. “It’s a surprise. So, uh…surprise?”

You smile up at him, curiously stroking at the plant’s leaves. “What kind is it?”

“You.”

You blink at him, tilting your head.

“Well, it looks like you. The flower you were on the planet.”

Oh, you think, turning back toward the flower, now seeing its little closed bud. The exhibition.

“I showed Jeremiah the picture book a little while ago, to try and get an accurate version.” Xavier places his hands on your hips, resting his chin on your shoulder. “It hasn’t bloomed yet, but I wanted to cheer you up.”

His grip on you tightens, and his hands slide forward to hug you fully from behind.

“I don’t like it when you’re sick,” he whispers, and your heart aches. But he's gotten better at openly expressing his emotions to you, and you're so proud of that.

“It’s just—”

“I know,” he murmurs, hiding his face into your neck. “Still, I hate seeing you like that. I hate seeing you in pain. It…”

He falls quiet for a moment, and your hands find his, holding them as tightly as he holds you.

“It scares me,” he whispers, breath shaking.

You turn in his arms, palms cupping his cheeks. Xavier tries to look away, and you gently nudge his face back to you, waiting patiently until he looks into your eyes.

“I just want you to get everything you need to bloom, and be healthy.” His eyes flicker away briefly, then back again. There’s something shy in his gaze, and you get to witness it shifting into a confident determination. “I want to give you everything you need.”

Your eyes begin to water, and you try to blink the emotion away. You remember that planet that never existed, how he had given you his own light to bloom under. How he asked you to come with him when you called for him with all your soul, how his own soul answered.

“Well.” You clear your throat, trying to get rid of the tear-choked knot in there. “Good.”

Your fingers trace his face, and you stare at him with so much adoration until he begins to faintly glow. You keep staring, until his light burns into your retinas. Until you can see him in the dark. Until he's all that you can see.

“It’s good, then,” you say again, smiling at him, and feeling like a flower that's finally blossomed when he smiles back. “That you’re everything I need.”