remembering-mirgylime

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Finally wrote the letter to my donor family.

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Shed

my backyard, kinda spooky

Posted on Jan 11, 2009 on https://www.deviantart.com/brahitsemily/art/Shed-109185552

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My parents came to visit yesterday & they brought my niece. She’s so cute (even if she asks 600 questions).

She saw my I Want to Believe poster & was like “good now you can take that scary girl down.” At home I still have my zombie Sophia poster above my bed, she hates it.

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Flowers of our Past

our rusted past

Originally posted on June 9, 2009 on https://www.deviantart.com/brahitsemily/art/Flowers-of-our-Past-125381775

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Gendered Marketing

Originally published on October 13, 2014 on https://facenodefeat.wordpress.com/2014/10/13/gendered-marketing/

Have you seen Dr. Pepper Ten’s advertising campaign? It’s relatively old but it still makes me angry. Not because I’m really affected by the “not for women” slogan for a disgusting diet soda– just to me it’s extremely lazy marketing. Making profits off sexism is inherently evil in my book. “Ten will be wrapped in aforementioned gunmetal grey packaging” (ABC News). Gunmetal grey? Wow. Are guns being related to manliness an American bred thing? I truly don’t understand unnecessary gendered marketing. Is the male ego so fragile that they now don’t feel comfortable drinking diet soda unless it’s marketed directly to them? There are other absurd examples like yogurt for men and Kleenex for men (both real products go look on amazon!), it’s more than a little ridiculous honestly.

“Dr. Pepper Ten: It’s ‘Not for Women,’ Macho Marketing Campaign Says.”ABC News Blogs. N.p., n.d. Web. 13 Oct. 2014.

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When I left Columbia in November it was in tears. I was weak, not just the obvious physical weakness, but my mind was a wreck & every day I felt like I could die. And honestly the idea of rehab was totally fucking unappealing, especially to a place I’ve been to before and HATED. Columbia is my safe space, my home away from home for 10 years now. It wasn’t really the place though but the amazing individuals who work there.

Before I was scheduled to leave my favorite ICU nurse, who didn’t even have me that day, made sure to use her break to say goodbye to me. Kat told me how awesome I am, how I just make everyone love me, and to work my butt off at rehab! She wrote down her email on a scrap of paper and stuck it in my backpack (which I promptly misplaced until 2 days ago). I emailed her a dumb snap of myself (in case she had trouble remembering me)(never) along with a hello. She sent me a long message asking me for more pictures and a ton of questions & then another email with multiple pictures including this picture of her texts with another nurse I had.

Kat said I made their day, but they made my whole week. 😊

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Emily Grimm

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There’s a girl on the cardiac unit waiting for a heart transplant & she played a prank on the doctors today. Her dad turned off the monitors so they looked flatlined & she put on blue lip balm and pretended to be dead. Hero.

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The joys of transplant life, setting/sorting the daily meds.

*this is just one of my meds, the most important. Anti-rejection. I take 12 pills of this alone daily. 6 in the morning 6 at night.

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I just found this picture on my dad’s facebook that he reopened. This picture is about 5 years old. That’s my older brother Bobby on the right, me in the middle obviously, and on the left my youngest brother Brian. This is me before everything, and I don’t mean before I discovered there were frames not made out of wire. This the spring leading up to my heart transplant. I remember my dad wanted to take a picture of the three of us badly. Which is why I’m dressed like a freak. I was in the middle of packing for Disney, I was going with my best friend- it would it be the first time I’d ever been.  It’s so odd to look at this, things are so completely different right now it’s unbelievable. I would have never guessed that 5 years from then I’d be sitting in a rehab trying to get stronger. Actually, that might be a little untrue. I always knew there was something wrong with me; I would actually pray there was something wrong with me because I felt so sick all the time I just wanted some reasonable explanation for it. I’ve made a deal with myself though. I’m going to get stronger. And after that, anything. I’m going to do anything my heart desires. Nothing is too far out of reach if I just work. Life is short, and a lot of unexpected things can occur that will lead you away from your dreams. I’m going to do as much (or as little) as I can to be happy.  I think I really will apply to NYU once I’m out. 

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Jean and Brando

posted July 1, 2010 on https://www.deviantart.com/brahitsemily/art/Jean-and-Brando-169703808

Something I made on photoshop, Lady GaGa lyrics.

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20,000 tumblr post! Random About My Life (or lack thereof):

Yes, that is a Game of Thrones & DFTBA poster behind me. Also not shown are my On the Waterfront poster of Marlon Brando, Walker!Sophia from the Walking Dead & another Walking Dead poster. My interests are all over the place.

I live in NY, but right on the border of PA & NJ too- “the tri-state area.”

I actually wear glasses but get headaches really easily. Like right now.

My little brother is in the Navy, he’s going to nuclear school. Then he wants to go to Annapolis. My older brother has Asperger Syndrome and is one of the smartest people I know.

I go to SCCC (or suck) as I have no fucking clue what I want to do with my life. Right now I’m leaning towards a writer, but honestly anything television/movie production related would be heavenly.

Long term goal though is move to NYC.

Ally has been my bfff since before she could even talk- there for giving her no choice. I was just kind of there as we are neighbors. Her mom said that when Ally was still a baby I said to her, “Ally is my best friend, she just doesn’t know it yet.” She is going to Ithaca come fall, and I may die without her.

Lauren is my other best friend. Since 11th grade when we sat next to each other in English and I’d shoot her looks when she’d piss the teacher off.

Blah blah had a heart transplant in 2006 after my original heart decided it didn’t want to do it’s fucking job. Thanks to tumblr I’ve met (online met haha) a lot of really great transplant people! You’ve all helped my life more than you know.

I’d say my life’s crowning achievement would be when Aaron Paul direct messaged me on twitter and said “i love you too.” So kids, being creepy on twitter can pay off! FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS.

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Living Post-Transplant

First posted on September 26, 2014 on https://facenodefeat.wordpress.com/2014/09/26/living-post-transplant/

You know what’s just a tad ironic? The closer I get to my transplant anniversary, the more I think about dying. Too much for someone who, for all intents and purposes, is in relatively good health. I mean I have the emphysemic lungs of an 85 year old who has been smoking three packs of cigarettes a day since age 13 but we all have our quirks. Mine, a charming smoker’s cough which is kind of punk rock. I should buy a leather jacket. But anyway… death. I’m at my eighth year as a transplant patient. Closer to that ten year mark where the life expectancy rates drop it like it’s hot. Just to put it into perspective– things that have a longer life expectancy than that of a transplanted heart: an oven, a refrigerator, a dryer, usually a dog if you good take care of it, a box of twinkies, and a pretty stable celebrity marriage.

Every year as my transplant anniversary approaches I ask myself, “If I died right now, what would I have to show for it?” I have this somewhat excessive fascination with leaving my mark on the world. I’m not even talking about fame, being a household name, having a perfume line. I just want to make a difference, if it’s only for one person. I want to leave my physical form knowing that I have affected someone. It sounds selfish because I know a lot of people aren’t afforded that kind of death– where they have complete closure knowing they’ve made someone’s life better or easier, made them smile, made someone feel warm and loved. I’m not really afraid of death I guess, more of a meaningless existence.

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Intro to my Intro (April 26, 2020)

Taken from https://talesofthegrimm.wordpress.com/2020/04/26/intro-to-my-intro/

I’ve spent far too long trying to find the right way to start chronicling my story, picking through the dusty overpacked bins in my brain, thinking that getting it down perfectly is paramount. I always feel there’s a huge mass of words, phrases, snippets of stories, resting on my chest and the thought of unraveling them into the relevant quickly brings on this itchy skin crawling anxiety. It’s always been one of my biggest problems; like I can begin my day with all the best intentions, finally being brave and cracking open the spine on a new journal. But when 10pm rolls around and I take inventory of how I spent my time, the biggest achievement is usually how I caught up on reality television.

So what’s changed for me? Well we’re barely four months into 2020 and I can say with absolute certainty it’s been a complete hellish nightmare. Dante’s Inferno style, I feel like I’m being guided through the Nine circles of Hell. I don’t have to tell you that the world is currently experiencing a pretty severe pandemic, I hope if you’re reading this you’ve already seen the news, if not I’m sorry it’s me breaking it to you. Wash your hands! Honestly though, the pandemic has really been the nice juicy cherry on top of my garbage sundae intro to 2020. I lost two very good friends within a month of each other. Women who both managed to influence my spirit in the relative short amount of time knowing them. In the pit of my stomach sits this heavy stone of grief, still, when I think of everything they inadvertently taught me. Or just the total love they put out into the world.

I guess you could say these rocky months have been the major catalyst for me finally creating a journaling blog. It may sound conceited and a tad bit cheesy but when I finally make the big exit from this mortal coil; I’d like to leave a piece of myself, something that people who loved me can return to. I want to share my stories, infuse them with my tone. Words have this almost tangible quality, when put together they can build a familiar scene that trigger memories. That’s what I want this to be for them.

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i was nominated by the fiestybutthole & amywhoisawesome! 

uhh i didn’t take very many selfies this year??? like ones i’d like to broadcast to tumblr anyway. 2 of these pictures represent my soul so that’s all that matters really. these aren’t in order either i can’t be bothered with that shit i fucking suck okay. i tag LITERALLY ANYONE WHO WANTS TO DO IT! TAG ME IF YOU DO SO I CAN SEE YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACES.

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This blog is dedicated to the memory of one of the most creative, meaningful, and wonderful people I had ever known. She also went by @frohike. And Mirglime. And Brahitsemily.

Emily was a writer, photographer, activist, commentator, and an amazing friend.

My goal with this blog is to keep the spirit and memory of Emily alive. I’ll be sharing photography, old posts she made, memories of her, and other things that may be relevant.