rendezvous-ramblings

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Wait so B finally confessed about his real age? What was your reactions when you both discussed that?? Did he tell you why he lied :c?

He was initially defensive because I mentioned how my friends prompted the search and how it was confirmed based on the address. He felt like his privacy was violated but eventually the tension went away and he was apologetic.

He said he was nervous because it was the longest and most personal conversation we had (the day I asked him out). He thought I wouldn't want to get to know him if he was older. He said it was instant regret when I mentioned how I've had a relationship with a 21 year age gap. After he said he was 31 and the conversation led up to me asking him out, he looked very pleasantly surprised and shocked. That's when I mentioned I've dated older.

I guess I couldn't catch a break and found myself attracted to another man within the same generation as E. I am not the type of person to tolerate or condone lying, however, I know he didn't have any bad intentions towards me. B has always been respectful of physical boundaries and always asked for verbal consent (even for our first kiss). I wasn't keen on entering a relationship with a similar age gap as I did with E though I have to keep in mind that at the end of the day they're both different people. I suppose I'm just still worried about the logistics of children, the odds of outliving an age gap partner, and how the age gap will present itself more once we're older.

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Hi A! How are you?

Hi,

Thanks for asking! Very busy with work and school is going to start up soon.

I don't really have much to update from B and I's trip. We mostly watched movies, napped, ate, and talked at our Air bnb. The only thing that's changed is he did officially ask me to be his girlfriend!

I was a bit suspicious because he told me that he had to go to the main street area of our neighborhood to run some errands. I had already packed a few travel toiletries for us because I already had spares in my bathroom. He didn't have anything extra aside from his bag when we met at the spot where he ordered us an Uber. He later confessed during dinner that he was trying to go to all the florists in the area to find yellow tulips to ask me. We both love yellow tulips and he knows this since I once saw the fresh flowers in his office (that he bought). I commented how they were my favorite and he grinned and said they were his too. Despite not having the tulips he still asked me as we were having dinner on the couch. It was very relaxed, private, and sweet. After I said yes he still looked a little nervous and asked if I was sure 🥺

We've been an item for a little over two weeks now 🥰

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Last anon again. If B wants to be with you, he NEEDS to turn his life around. I’m sorry but considering his age, he has a terrible living and financial situation, education, etc. and it will weigh you down in future. I am so heated that he had the nerve to keep going through with this lie after knowing your past with E. He listened to you talk about all that drama yet he was keeping a rather important secret of his own.

(Part 2/2)

I don't think it's fair to say that B has a terrible living and financial situation and that will continue to weigh me down in the future. He just moved to my state/city during the peak of the pandemic a little over a year ago. It's a fresh start for him but based on his personality he does have drive and ambition. Compared to some of his former coworkers he takes his job seriously and puts in the effort to make an honest living. He is also still providing for his young daughter back at home unlike the father of his daughter's half sister. He still has chances to move up the corporate ladder in his field of security. He does have to live with roommates but a lot of people my age who moved out do too (it's an expensive city!). The only reason why he can't have me over is because the old couple he rents from is strict with guests. They have a ring camera at the door and cameras in the hallway...so if he breaks the rules they'd know right away. B is looking to get a new place and if he can find a place for around $1,200 he wouldn't mind living on his own. If I don't see compatibility or him pushing to advance in his career then I would see myself out.

He is the same age as E and we did discuss this during the trip. I'll keep that part of the conversation private since it should only matter between us.

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What?!? He’s old as shit. I understand he concealed the truth because he was scared but isn’t that around 10 years older than what we previously thought. I know you two are having fun but I cannot believe he kept this from you all this time. Sure it doesn’t matter to him, but you have a whole life ahead of you. And the staring at you thing is honestly kind of creepier now that we know he’s 44 and literally hid that from you. No wonder he was so hesitant about going back to school (no offense. You can go to school at any age but time is of the essence especially when you’re older). That’s a HUGE red flag. If he lied about his age, what other secrets is he keeping?

(Part 1/2)

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Hi A! 23 anon here. I hope you and B have a wonderful trip together! I was hoping to get your advice on my situation. Right now, I’m completely comfortable staying friends with the guy I mentioned bc I don’t want to ruin what we have even if there’s a lot of unspoken tension. Even though we’ve known each other for 3-4 years it feels like we have recently entered new territory when it comes to us being friends post working together. We were friendly before but I still saw him as my coworker/superior and now it actually feels like we’re genuine friends without those roles. I want to continue taking things slow and getting to know him as a person now before potentially taking about the tension and how I view our relationship. Thoughts?

Hi,

Apologies for the super delayed reply! Thank you we did have a great trip!

You should take you relationship with your former coworker in the pace that you want things to go. There's no need to rush things if you feel like you're getting to know him as a person better. If you're having a good time you don't have to bring up the tension and how you view your relationship until there's an instance where that's applicable/necessary. I hope things have been going great for you! Prioritize your friendship and see where you want things to go before you bring up advancing things. Good luck!

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Welcoming the year of the tiger 🐯🧡

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Happy New Year A!

Happy New Year✨🎉 I've been offline because of work even though I am on winter break. B and I will be checking in to our air bnb later this afternoon. We're both so excited!!!!!!! 🤩 I do still instead having a serious heart to heart conversation with him about the future of our relationship. I need to find a way to bring up the age thing too.

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Hey so I recently just stumbled onto ur page and here I am. Anyway, hi, how are you? So I have this issue, well it's not much of an issue in other people's eyes but my brain and mind are like causing it to be this big old issue. So I have this small (massive) crush on my friend, we've known each other for practically our whole lives. Recently I asked him out in the spur of the moment, so 2 hours later he texted back. He said he wasn't sure and that he'll think about it. He has trouble with his feelings and such. Anyway my sister is friends with him and has girl talk with him, so she's over here and asking all these questions. And she finds out that he wants to say yes, but he's scared because the last relationship he was in, he was stabbed in the back by his ex (not literally but figuratively). I'm very inexperienced when it comes to this sort of stuff, I've never been in a relationship before more less asked someone out and I'm honestly scared. I have no idea what it's like to be in a relationship and I think he's gonna say yes. But I'm an overthinker, and I constantly think of every scenario possible. My main concern is, how does one be in a healthy relationship or what do people do in relationships? I mean, I know the super cliché things like holding hands and suddle amounts of PDA, but like how does a relationship get to that point? Do I just grab his hand and say "Hey, baby take me out for dinner"? I'm sorry these are very stupid questions but I'm (at times) a very stupid person. Anyway can I have some advice?

Hi,

Welcome! Aww your story sounds so sweet and I am also an overthinker so I can empathize with what you're going through. I think it's a good sign that he confessed to your sister that he wants to say yes to you and confided his reservations due to his previous relationship. I think you should have an honest conversation with him before the two of you go on your official date. You should state your intentions and have him state his. He might still be processing from the previous hurt his ex caused him and that trauma from the previous relationship (along with its issues) risk entering this one if he doesn't feel secure. Of course there's a difference between overcoming your trauma/previous hurt vs. people who use that as an excuse to perpetuate bad habits/behavior and not grow from their poor experiences (I'm sure that's likely not the case for your friend).

You should also try to comfort him for what he dealt with and reassure him that you've never been in a relationship but you want to have a healthy one with him. I think your solid friendship is a good foundation because you're already comfortable with each other and there's a lot of trust pre-established. You just have to start going on dates and acting upon your feelings (your massive crush on him) rather than remaining platonic. Take things slow and see where the romantic chemistry goes and try to ease the pressure by not stressing on making things perfect. Everyone's definition of romantic is different so you both should just do things you both enjoy in each other's company.

A healthy relationship is definition clear communication, honesty, and respect. Both partners should value each other equally and be putting in equal effort. Don't settle for anything less. Ahhhh good luck and a feel free to keep me posted!

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Château de Versailles, Versailles, France ~ McKenna Kaelin

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Girl...i think you just figured It out yourself about the reason behind his age :( damn and i was always excited about reading your updates about you and B :( but still, i feel like you have to confront him before the trip just for your own safety and to avoid things getting awkward or out of hand during the trip :(

We won’t be going far just renting an air bnb for two nights somewhere a bit further away from the city we live in. I don’t think B would ever harm me physically. He’s way too protective and caring of me. I think this conversation needs to be had in private and I might just have to find a way to bring it up in the middle-end of the trip 🙃 I’ll ask him what his expectations are and how he sees us moving forward. Then I’ll bring up the fact that I do love him but I found x,y, and z if he says that his intentions were genuine this whole time.

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Do you think he lied about his age bc he was nervous about the age difference? Has that bothered him before?

When we first started going out together B did mention he was attracted to me at first sight. He said he was super nervous because I looked really young. I’ve mentioned before how he confessed he ran to check the minor’s list to make sure the crush he was harboring on me was appropriate. He said he felt awful by the fact of how much he was looking at me. To be honest, I feel like I have a sixth sense when it comes to people creeping on me and staring…I never caught B staring at me excessively but I suppose he also means on the cameras. He said he had to make sure he didn’t turn the cameras too much.

When I struck up the longer conversation with him that day I asked him out…there were no flirty undertones. He actually thought I was uncomfortable talking to him and he told himself he wouldn’t speak to me after that day. When I asked how old he was it was super early on in the conversation. He had no idea I was interested in him or had developed a crush on him because I rejected the phone number earlier.

So I have no idea why he decided to lie about his age 🤦🏻‍♀️ that trip with him is going to be so awkward now. I was super excited to date someone who had a reasonable age gap with me. If he’s 44 and in this financial situation coupled with the complications of an age difference…I don’t think I’d want to seriously date him. I feel like I’ve fallen in love with a fantasy version of him where he was closer in age with me.

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B might have lied about his age…

So we already booked our air bnb and I’ve been telling my best friend J how B and I are doing. Her boyfriend is a bit skeptical of the situation of B not being able to have guests (even during the day at his apartment). We did a search on White Pages and I noticed there was only one person matching B’s name and his hometown. The age was 44 the same as E’s (the irony) but the address is the most damning evidence. B says he lives near by a popular cafe in my neighborhood and the address listed is literally across the street.

I don’t know how to confront him and I’m not even sure why he lied in the first place. I asked how old he was before I exhibited any romantic interest in him.

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B and I are going on that staycation together!!!!!!!!!! 🤩🥰 He got approved! We’ll have 3 days together 🧡🧡🧡

The other day I was worrying over nothing. He just had his phone turned off all day 🤦🏻‍♀️ I told him I was going to punch him in the arm for that but when I saw him we just hugged in the elevator. We couldn’t get any privacy.

I’m going to try to make his favorite dish tomorrow and give it to him during his closing shift at the store (discreetly). I’ve never made pastelón before so I’m nervous 😬 it’s his dinner so I hope I don’t mess up.

I also gave B his Christmas present early because I couldn’t wait. I messed up the chain length so I had to order a new one. He was wearing it during our FaceTime call yesterday and it looked so good on him 😍 I got him a wax seal necklace and there’s a lot of symbolism behind it that relates to our relationship and it has an ouroboros (which is a chest piece tattoo that he wants in the future). Snakes have also been historically used to represent eternal love in wedding rings. There’s also a momento mori element with the skull seal. He has a tattoo of a skull for his late father and momento mori symbols could be interpreted as “seizing the day” because you never know when death will arrive so you should make the best of your life/future. I’m such a cheese and told him it’s a reminder for him to be optimistic about the future and a symbol of my love for him. I’ve never given E anything that thoughtful or sentimental in the few years I was with him. It’s overwhelming how hard and fast I’ve fallen for B. I think I love him at a greater capacity than the love I once had for E.

I have a feeling B is going to ask me to be his girlfriend during the trip. I managed to convince him that he doesn’t need to have his own place or a new living situation in order before asking me. I teased him and said “You can ask me on our trip.” He just looked down really bashfully at my hand (he was holding it) and nodded. 🥺🥺🥺

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if you have recently found someone who turned out to not be right for you, remember:

you deserve someone who will make you happy

you deserve someone who doesn’t make you question if you’re their priority

you deserve someone who listens

you deserve someone who validates your feelings

you deserve someone who loves you just as much as you love them

you deserve someone who makes time for you

you deserve someone who gushes about you

you deserve someone who makes sure you know they enjoy spending time with you

you deserve someone who makes you laugh on your worst days

you deserve someone who makes you go to bed with a smile on your face, not tears in your eyes

you deserve someone who doesn’t make you worry you might say the wrong thing

you deserve someone who is willing to drop everything to comfort you on a really bad day

you deserve someone who pays attention to the little things you like and dislike

you deserve someone who gets you

you deserve someone who sees a future with you

you deserve someone who appreciates you

you deserve better

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B has not responded since Friday but last read my texts yesterday 🙃 I’m worried that something happened again. I can’t tell if he’s just not on his phone or if he turned off read receipts for whatever reason. He’s against having them on but turned them on for me because I told him I rather know if he read something than he anxious. He isn’t much of a texter and I am. He claims he doesn’t mind reading them at all he just doesn’t express himself the same way. Not sure if I will even see him this week because I have super early shifts and they usually stick him for the late closing shifts.

I don’t know if his vacation time got approved yet. We still haven’t booked a place to stay 😩 I know he gets into a dark place around holidays. This happened around Thanksgiving too. I just don’t know what to do.

It just stings because leading up to the end of last week we were in a good place and all lovey dovey.

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I don't want a good man type, i want a B man type 🤧🤧 girl you're lucky <3 people like B are pretty rare where i live lol

B definitely has his faults too and he’s *hopefully* willing to work on himself for a serious relationship. He hasn’t had the best experience with women and the death of his parents seems to have jaded him a bit. Sometimes he falls off the face of earth, he’s very tight lipped about what’s stressing him out or bothering him (man of a few of words), and he’s flaked a couple of times when he was in a bad mood with no explanation or text. 🤦🏻‍♀️

We’re by no means perfect 🙃 I’m actually worried about the potential vaccinate mandate they might put in my workplace. B is adamant in not getting it so I hope he doesn’t get fired and decides to move back to the South 🤦🏻‍♀️

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“I hope that someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight, and that’s all they do. They don’t pull away. They don’t look at your face. They don’t try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms, without an ounce of selfishness in it.”

— Unknown