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[renditionoflust]

𝗡𝗢 𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗧 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗪𝗜𝗖𝗞𝗘𝗗

𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗧 𝗢𝗡𝗘

My demons,

though quiet,

are never quite silenced.

Calm as they may be,

they wait patiently

for a reason to wake,

take an overdue breath,

and crawl back to my ear.

———————————————————-

I couldn’t believe it was finally over.

Spending any amount of time at my mother’s house was already a horror in itself, but this past week felt like a century in hell that I couldn’t escape. Her reoccurring outbursts of anger and mood swings were gaining momentum, and she needed constant attention. I knew Grayson wasn’t happy with my lack of presence at the club, but he never said anything. No one ever said anything. And I preferred it that way.

Everything was already hard with her drug and alcohol abuse, but ever since she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and DID, things went south completely. Her paranoia seemed to skyrocket over night, and despite all my attempts to keep her out of an asylum, she kept pushing my limits. Not only did she straight up ignore everything her caregivers asked her to do, but she also made a habit of being both a physical and mental threat to them.

The last one, Charlotte, ran away screaming bloody murder within the first week after she woke up to my mother carving “DIE, TRAITOR!” onto the headboard of her bed at three in the morning with a steak knife. It took me two weeks of persuading and seventy grand to finally dissuade her from making it a legal issue. I was running out of willing caregivers, as well as my patience.

A familiar ringtone tore through the silent interior of the car just when I turned the corner to my street, ripping me from my line of thinking. The lit up screen showed the caller ID and in that moment I knew I couldn’t avoid it any longer. Grayson Pierce can’t be ignored for too long.

Taking a deep breath I swiped the incoming call to the right and began my rehearsed speech immediately. “Yeah. Everything’s taken care of. I’ll just pick up some stuff from home and I’ll be there.”

“Hey, J, you know…”

“I’ll be there in twenty.” And just like that I hung up, tossing the phone on the backseat. All our conversations went this way. Gray always felt the need to address every little detail, and I always shut him down as fast as possible. He realized a long time ago that the easier way to coexist was by tolerating me, not attempting to change me.

I left the black Mustang parked at the curb next to my apartment building, knowing that I would be back soon and went straight towards the entrance. The hall was quiet; as per usual, with only Diana at the front desk, face buried in some magazine. I muttered a hello to her without any eye contact whatsoever. She didn’t even bother to lift her gaze up as she mumbled “Hey, J.” Tolerance was everything.

I was this way for everyone; always cold, always unbothered. Lack of interest screamed from my every pore, granting me eye rolls coming from people who knew me, and suspicious looks from those who did not.

I passed the front desk and headed straight for the elevator when something finally seemed to click with Diana. She launched from her chair like a torpedo, gripping the edge the desk to prevent herself from falling before she drifted across the black tiled floor.

“Oh, J?” She called, her voice echoing around the empty hall, instantly stopping me in my tracks. “Someone‘s visited you today.” She cleared her throat and continued almost immediately when she noticed I was just staring at her, waiting for more details. “It’s what Jessie said. I wasn’t here yet. But she said it was a woman.”

Obviously. I laughed to myself and finally pushed the little button to summon the elevator. I wasn’t really in a mood to do the research on whoever was nosy enough to come to visit me, and Diana must have noticed because her gaze dropped down to her heels as if they were the most interesting things on this planet, and began fixing the ponytail at the back of her head. “I just thought you might wanna know.”

The elevator chimed and I finally ended her awkward one sided conversation when I turned around and stepped in. “Guess she would come back if it was important, wouldn’t she?” I answered seconds before the massive steel door closed and took me up to the thirty fifth floor.

I leaned against the side wall and let my eyes rest for a while; the music inside the lift was slow and dragging but still somehow soothing. I listened to my own steady breathing as the thoughts in my mind came crashing forward all at once.

I didn’t want to face Gray and his questions that I knew would come. I didn’t want to face Madeline and her pity filled glances that she shot me every time she knew I came back from my “adventures.” I didn’t want to face Bron and her “I can see right through you” facial expression whenever she saw me. I didn’t want to face my own self in the mirror, because all I saw was the reflection of everything that had went wrong since I was born.

The door swiftly opened and the long, dark and narrow corridor sang its quiet song to lure me in. I would’ve appreciated walking the short distance in full darkness, but unfortunately every dream can’t become a reality. Light blinded me as soon as I stepped a foot outside the elevator. Damn motion sensors.

“Look who’s decided to show up again.” An amused voice came from my right, immediately identifying its owner. Audrina. She was leaning against the door frame, wearing only a little tank top and shorts shorter than my temper with a wine glass in her hand. A clear indication that she was not alone.

“Good thing you’re home. I can’t find my fucking keys.” I retorted after taking my sweet time with fishing for them inside of all of my pockets.

“Your timing is impeccable because I’m about to leave soon but, do me a favor, yeah? Make sure you take all your shit with you next time you leave for days.” She rolled her eyes playfully as she moved out of the way so I could enter the apartment, keys dangling on her long, manicured finger.

Grabbing the keys I immediately headed straight for my room, shouting the answer over my shoulder. “I’ll just take a shower and I’m gone again.” I’d rather stab myself in the eye with the fork at the moment, but what could I do. She followed behind me like my shadow, casually spreading herself over my bed once she placed the glass onto the bedside table.

“Guess who visited you today?” She mused, a foxy smile replacing the previous one.

Not this again. “Some porn star I forgot to call back?”

Once again she rolled her eyes, crimson curls bouncing as she shook her head. “Mads.”

This had me stop my flurry of motion for a second as I looked through the closet. Never in all these years we had know each other had Madeline ever came to visit me. But of course Grayson would send her when he felt ignored. Already frustrated, I took out a black shirt and tossed it onto the bed, ignoring Audrina’s presence completely.

“Maybe you should give her a call, that’s all I’m saying…how did it go with Mama De Luca, anyways?” Of course she would jump from one topic to another within seconds, fucking up my mental state even more. It was her specialty.

I wasn’t ready to pour out my heart, but if I couldn’t avoid Gray, I couldn’t avoid this redhead firestorm either. “As usual. I’m really…”

The doorbell interrupted me and we both glanced towards the door, looks of confusion on our faces. No one ever rang the bell, because no one ever came over that didn’t just walk right in. The ringing was soon joined by knocking. A loud and rapid one.

What the fuck…?

The distance between the door and my bedroom seemed like it took forever, and I was damn sure that once I figured out what idiot was trying to break the door down, I’d rip their head off. But once I opened the door, I found myself at a loss of words.

“Good evening, sir. Are you James Adrian De Luca?” The officer asked, wearing way too serious of an expression. I couldn’t do anything but nod. This wasn’t good. My mind raced, trying to find out what and where did I do wrong that it snagged their attention. It couldn’t be Audrina, because she knew damn well how to hide IP addresses and cover her tracks. Neither Gray nor Madi ever even asked about anything too illegal on my part. I felt the panic rising inside of my chest, pushing up my throat. But then, the officer spoke again.

“Um, and…” he paused to check something on the papers, and continued in the same tone. “… Mrs. Beatrice De Luca is your mother?” Dread washed over me. What the hell did she do this time?

Finally I breath enough to speak. “Yes, she is. What’s going on?”

The officer hung his shoulders as if he was guilty of something, and his deep dark eyes bore into mine as he tried to find good enough words to explain the situation.

“Say it.” It was just a hair away from yelling, rage boiling inside of me. I just got back from visiting her and she was completely normal, well, by her standards.

“Sir….” The pause he took forever and I really wanted to beat the crap out of him. “…Somebody set her house on fire, and… we can’t find her.”