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2025-03-31

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Tsutomu Nihei, Blame! Master Edition, Volume 1

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Louise Glück, from an interview with poet in Poets & Writers

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reblogs got turned off but this deserves preservation

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Okay confessionals are over check out the pictures I'm about to reblog #Reblogger

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I had one friend of mine get locked up in jail for credit card fraud and i didn't hear from him for like 4 years before he texted me saying "Just got out of prison!" I thought the stress had gotten to him and he went no contact bc one time that happened to me where as a 10 year old i went no contact with like 200 people ranging from old childhood friends to people i had met playing online games like Blockland. It helped but i think the only reason it helped was because i was pretending like my anxiety was caused by my friends. Really fear had just pervaded my daily life as a kid - to the point to where I felt as though my heart was being stabbed for hours on end every day

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When i was like 15 or something I had a guy on discord that was like a really close friend of mine who was like 19 or 20 and who would constantly beg me to be his boyfriend. He was one of like two men who were way older than me who would do that/send me nudes and such and it was kind of crazy cuz i never realized how #freaky that was till like yesterday. One of them recently messaged me on #steam (Dork alert) saying some gay stuff again about having me kiss his favorite video game character for him and telling him "if i liked it" with a little winky face. Man i was like 2 when you were talking to me. They were also into forex and scamming people out of money. One of them feigned being a terminally ill cancer patient (Woman) and made nearly 1000$ from men donating to this persona he invented. And then they'd buy me free games

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Something else that happened was one of my friends was revealed to be a huge dick to me because he'd just go around smacking the lunch trays out of disabled kid's hands. And it was comedically evil events like that that pervaded my senior year in high school. Every second someone I used to swear by as an honest man would turn out to be evil. Why? And it wasn't one or two men and it wasn't just my friendgroup. It seemed like it would be around every corner

The 2020 political shift was insanely unspoken for. I already was becoming way more progressive by 9th grade and i remember i found it very profound how i had been raised so conservatively and swore by reagan only to discover how harmful that stuff was firsthand as i grew up. Especially with how it made my friends online feel. But then all the people who used to be way more progressive than me when we were kids all got super homophobic. I was in a car after covid w a guy i had been friends with since 6th grade and he pointed to our classmate and called her an "it" and i was just like Woah what the hell when did that happen. It was like every man i knew in high school came back from covid 100x as evil & there were a ton more of these overt bullying events that just seemed to come out of nowhere. But i guess really i just wasn't there to see it brewing. These were men that had previously been kinder. Though maybe they never were. Idk

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A friend named gibbers once confessed to me that he had lied completely about trying to join the air force but being marked illegible for service due to the onset of complete blindness, and that he wasn't actually four years older than me but was actually my age. It was a funny lie in the end - it had lasted nearly ~5 years, until one day he texted me out of nowhere saying he had lied.

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One of the biggest and unexpected losses of friendship I had ever faced was when an older brother-like figure of mine whose name on steam was Bleddi. he was the epitome of cool and i tried so hard to be as nonchalant as he was. One day though he stopped talking cold turkey to me and my friend Phoenix because he found out his girlfriend at the time was actually underage all along. He knew me and phoenix were teenagers in high school maybe 14 and he had just turned 18 or something. We asked a mutual friend named huf about it and that's how we found out. Me and phoenix miss him every day

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One of the other most influential political figures in my life besides Janice Griffith & Hasanabi as a 14 year old was a Polish anarchist i had a massive crush on when i was a preteen. Them and this british socialist taught me everything i know truly and i think the worst part is they'll never know how much they meant to me in terms of political thought because like 11 year old me would constantly argue with them about how stupid socialism was. And then i'd quote liberty prime at them. They were like 18

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The 2020 political shift was insanely unspoken for. I already was becoming way more progressive by 9th grade and i remember i found it very profound how i had been raised so conservatively and swore by reagan only to discover how harmful that stuff was firsthand as i grew up. Especially with how it made my friends online feel. But then all the people who used to be way more progressive than me when we were kids all got super homophobic. I was in a car after covid w a guy i had been friends with since 6th grade and he pointed to our classmate and called her an "it" and i was just like Woah what the hell when did that happen. It was like every man i knew in high school came back from covid 100x as evil & there were a ton more of these overt bullying events that just seemed to come out of nowhere. But i guess really i just wasn't there to see it brewing. These were men that had previously been kinder. Though maybe they never were. Idk