resil12

[resil12]

Today I've gone back to finishing my scene build course that I brought almost a year ago.

I will be adding shadows to this scene a little compositing.

[resil12]

Started the Draw a box course today, it's pretty fun. I have been drawing since I was 16 and I'm 33 now so I get through the exercises quickly as I don't overthink anything.

I'm also 3D Modelling, and finishing my scene build course. So much easier to do stuff when you are unemployed ☺️

I have to split my time so I can only a little per day.

Lesson 1: Lines, Ellipses and Boxes.

Lines complete, Ellipses tomorrow or later today if I'm bored enough. I actually did do boxes yesterday but not because of the course, it's just something I learned to do a long time ago so I keep at it.

[resil12]

We are all born artists. From our earliest days we are curious about the world around us. One of the first things we do as children is draw and color. Yet as we grow older and enter school we are told to put down our crayons and colored pencils and focus our attention on reading, writing, and counting. Teachers tell us to stop drawing silly pictures and pay attention! Our educational system, in essence, is preventing people from becoming artists. How do we start to encourage more people to become artists, and just as important, how do we help artists turn their artistic talents into highly profitable work? Art is not simply a hobby. It can just as easily be a career. This talk will answer these questions, and will share how the artistic profession will benefit from the foundations that benefit most other professions: 1) To remain curious, observant, and experimental throughout their lives. 2) To work collaboratively in teams, and not treat artists as "lonely outsiders." Artists are happier and more productive if we train, equip, and encourage them to work in teams, in exactly the same way that we encourage productive teamwork in every other human endeavor. 3) To teach artists about contract law, and how to protect their intellectual property. In addition to being Animation Skills Coordinator at Escuela Escena, Fraser is also the author of “Setting The Scene: The Art & Evolution of Animation Layout” which was described by Total Film Magazine as, “….a museum, a film school and an art gallery all in one”. He has been working in commercial animation since 1987 and his screen credits include “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”, “Space Jam” and Disney’s “Tarzan”. Fraser currently lives in Guadalajara and has taught at a wide range of different universities, colleges and art schools in a number of different countries - including Costa Rica, Norway, Scotland, Lebanon, Ireland and Austria. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

[resil12]

Unrealistic job posts

While seeing posts for art jobs, particularly in animation, I've picked up on the unrealistic job posts, requiring you to do almost everything in the pipeline at a junior rate.

I'm presuming because there is no strong union or organisation, studios feel they can request whatever they like because there is no such thing as a standardised job post.

As someone who has been overworked in the past, I find that very worrying, and I'm not interested in being overworked again or exploited. No company in the world is worth you putting all your life into — I mean sure, maybe it will pay off later — at the cost of your own health.

When I worked in the NHS, after a couple of years of finding myself, I always refused overtime and asked for reduced hours whenever I could. I'm starting to think this wouldn't be well received in the animation industry.

Boring job = stable, no overtime Fun job = underpaid and overworked — Pick your poison?

How Annecy 2025 exposed the widening chasm between graduate hopes and industry reality – and what must change before an entire generation of creative talent is lost forever

[resil12]

First class

Logged in to see my uni results today and saw that I've been awarded a First. I was absolutely shocked—I was aiming for a 2:1; a First hadn't even crossed my mind.

I'm laughing at the fact that I managed to complete my film on time and take on someone else's work, and still had it all submitted without anything missing. If you had told my 20s year old self that I'd be graduating with a 1st in my 30's she would have laughed. I haven't peaked yet clearly.

I do work super hard in everything I do, taking it with the utmost seriousness, and for once, my hard work paid off.

I'm hoping this will make it easier to pursue a Master's at the NFTS, if I can sort out some funding. But before that, I need to focus on working on my own projects first.

Also this is proof I need to be pickier about who I work for in the future, not everyone deserves access to my work ethic.

[resil12]

Doing it because I love it not because it pays

While working full time I also managed to teach myself how to roller skate, inline skate, figure skate (not all at the same time—just to clarify), and longboard.

But honestly? I wasn’t really doing much illustration during that time. I just… lost interest.

The independent artist hustle was getting boring fast, and I felt like it wasn’t going to give me anything stable. That’s when I started leaning more into sports. I was having so much fun skating and moving. For a while, I even considered becoming a roller skating coach.

And I kind of was—informally. I taught friends how to skate, but never charged. It was just for fun.

But then I realised something important: I don’t want to turn the one form of exercise I consistently enjoy into a job. Because the moment it becomes work—it’s not fun anymore.

That’s exactly what happened with gymnastics. Once I started coaching professionally, it stopped being a hobby. I was coaching more than I was actually doing gymnastics myself. And that’s not what I want. Especially since it’s already hard enough to find activities I actually enjoy. My coach noticed this and said I seem to be enjoy coaching more when I'm actually training. She is right.

This is also part of why I’ve been reluctant to turn art into a job. I've always hesitated to fully pursue freelance.

Doing What You Love—Even When You're Tired

If you really want to do something, you'll find a way—even if you're working 40 hours a week.

That’s something I’ve learned over the years. When I was working full time, I’d come home completely drained. But then I’d go out skating, and suddenly, I’d be energised. Tired? Sure. But it didn’t feel like work. It felt worth it. Same with gymnastics. Coaching was exhausting—but it gave me something back, too for around 2 years- then I stopped.

That’s the difference passion makes.

When you truly love something, you want to make time for it. It doesn’t drain you in the same way your job does. Even if it takes energy, it gives something back—and that’s why you keep going.

The hardest part is managing your time, and staying consistent. But you don’t need to do everything at once. Start small. For me, I started gymnastics by committing one day a week for two hours. That was it. And it grew from there. I was lacking sleep at some point but I wanted to go to the gym everyday.

But here's the truth no one wants to admit: It’s really hard to stay motivated if you’re only doing something for money.

Working all day and then pushing yourself to work on a portfolio at night—just for a potential paycheck? It’s exhausting. And it’s not sustainable unless you actually enjoy making things for the sake of it not because you want a payment.

We’re not as motivated by money as we think we are. And that’s the problem.

If you want to stay consistent, it has to come from something deeper than monetary gains.

Do It Because You Love It—Not Because It Pays

You need to actually enjoy what you’re doing. Genuinely. It has to be something you’d still do even if no one ever paid you. That’s the biggest motivator—at least for me.

When I started gymnastics and skating, I didn’t do it to make money. I did it because it was fun. Eventually, someone offered to pay me to coach gymnastics. And then I got paid. And then... I started to hate it after two years, it was no longer a hobby but a paycheck.

That’s the risk.

If you turn your passion into a job too soon—or do it just for the money—it can ruin the thing you love.

That’s why the key is to do it because you love it. Not because it might make you money. Because when you do something from a place of real joy, someone will eventually notice. And yeah, they’ll probably offer you poor wages at first. But over time, that can change and you can choose if you want to work or not.

Still—just because you can get paid for something doesn’t mean you should. I quit gymnastics coaching in February this year 2025. And honestly? I don’t know if I’ll go back.

That’s what I worry about with animation too. Right now, I love it. But what happens if people start offering me work? What if that changes the way I feel about it?

It’s a weird position to be in—but it’s also kind of freeing. Because I know the truth: If I don’t love the process, no amount of money is going to keep me going. Especially not after a 9-to-5 day job. That day job already pays the bills. So why would I push myself to do another job on top of it, just for more money to pay bills that are a complete rip off?

I won't.

That’s the real truth.

We think money will motivate us. But when you’re tired, burned out, and working a job you don’t like—it won’t.

What I'm saying is that I can't just work on a show reel for the sake of gaining employment from a studio/client. There needs to be a bigger reason, one that is not tied to potential monetary value. But I will lie and tell everyone else the opposite to stop them asking me what I'm going to do for work!!

I Make Films Because I Love It—Not Because I Need the Job

I know I love making animated films. That’s what motivates me. That’s what will keep me going, even after I come home from a 9-to-5 job.

That’s why I’ll keep making them. That’s how I’ll build my showreel.

If I were doing it just to get paid, honestly? There are way easier ways to make money. And if money was the goal, I wouldn't choose something this demanding. I’m not saying I’m lazy—but I do know myself. I won’t put energy into something I don’t have to put energy into. Paying bills doesn’t inspire me to make art.

So instead of chasing animation jobs just to chase them, I’d rather take a job that’s easy to get and pays the bills. And then I’ll use my free time to make films that actually matter to me.

If someone sees what I’m making and says, “Hey, can you do that for me too?” “Can you animate something for me?” “Can you build a rig like that for my project?” Then cool if its an interesting project then I’ll do it for you.

But I’m not going to turn creativity into labor just for the sake of working. I already don’t like working.

I’m not trying to climb a ladder.

[resil12]

Building My Creative Voice (Post-Uni Ramblings)

Sometimes I stumble across blog posts from students at other universities who did the same degree as me, and honestly, I’m impressed with the opportunities they had. The amount of software they got to use, —it really makes me realise how much was lacking in my own degree. My University is cheap and poor and didnt want to offer more basically. I didn’t even get access to industry-standard software. We only had Adobe Suite offered to us, which, depending on your path, isn't even what's used in studios. So yeah—I've was annoyed about it the whole time I was at uni, and I still am.

But I have to put it behind me now. It’s done. No changing it. I was still able to use Storyboard Pro, Toon Boom and Maya but I had to buy them myself.

So my next steps: I’m developing my creative voice. Continuing like I’m still in uni—even though I’m not. That means learning as much software as I can, simply because I’m interested in it. And if freelancing is the route I end up taking (which seems likely), then I want to build a distinctive artistic brand or style that attracts the right clients.

I also want to rebuild my social media presence as an animator, not just as a comic artist or illustrator.

So yeah—that’s the plan. Keep developing my creative voice and, hopefully, get work from that. Preferably part time.

I suspect it’ll take a year, especially with everything else I have to balance: eating, sleeping, socialising, workshops, courses, errands… and of course, working—which will probably be inconsistent, since my disability is dynamic and unpredictable.

One last thing about working: People say it’s hard to work 40 hours a week and still be an artist. And it is hard—but it doesn’t have to be a problem if you don’t let it be one.

When I was working my 37.5-hour NHS job, I also trained to become a gymnastics coach. I got my qualification in just under 9 months. And I coached three times a week while working that NHS job.

I did ask my NHS employers for flexibility, (leaving early and giving the time back later, also working from home). They gave me some eventually, but not without a fight and luckily I had a nice manager. Noticeably, people in those environments really don’t like it when you try to do better with your life. They hate to see you grow outside of the sector. I'm telling you hence why I do not want to go back.

[resil12]

How to Survive and Thrive When Your Uni Course Is Failing You:

By Someone Who Lived It

1. Recognise what your lecturer can’t offer—and accept it.

→ Stop waiting for a miracle. Start working around it.

2. Go outside the course for teaching.

Reach out to former lecturers—especially the good ones.

Even if they’ve left, they might still help if you check in.

Attend industry events, panels, or workshops (even if you're not funded—try to volunteer or go to free ones).

Tap into online learning—YouTube, Skillshare, Domestika, free Discord Q&As, etc.

3. Connect with alumni.

You're one of the only ones. That matters. You’re a potential link to the real world.

4. Join online animation and/or art communities.

Discord servers, Reddit animation threads, art Twitter, etc.

There are thriving peer support spaces out there.

5. Join a collective.

Look for small grassroots or indie animation collectives.

You’ll learn way more from a tight, active collective than from a dead-end uni module.

6. Befriend students in other courses.

Especially courses that have their shit together (illustration, design, etc.).

You can learn workflows, tips, and even share equipment or tutors.

7. Make non-course friends.

If you're socially active, this can seriously help balance out the course’s failures.

If you're more introverted, start with online communities or one-on-one peer chats.

8. If you want a real shot at working in the industry, you’ll have to go beyond uni.

→ Sad but true. Uni is the base—you build the real structure yourself.

[resil12]

Minimized Being Put in the Box, Being Underestimated, Not Allowed to Develop

When I was a student, I found that despite having a very broad skill set—thanks to over 10 years of experience in the arts as an independent artist—my work was still underestimated. Just because I wasn’t working for clients regularly (if at all) doesn’t mean that my experience should be minimized.

But my lecturer put me in a box. They didn’t let me branch out or use the programs I wanted to use—even when I had access to them—because they felt it was “distracting.”

Had they simply asked whether I had used other programs before, I would’ve said yes. I would’ve been more than ready to use them effectively. But their lack of willingness to let me experiment was actually harmful to my progress as an artist. If I had stayed on that course much longer than a year, I probably would’ve quit. I don’t like being told what I can and can’t use creatively. And being told how to use a program was frustrating, I wasn't coming in to the course from lack of experience.

Despite all that, I managed to use the tools I wanted for my final project. The lecturer never knew—because I learned how to hide my processes.

I’ve done tech-based courses too, and again, I find my knowledge constantly underestimated. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t talk about it enough, or if people just assume I don’t do anything with my life—just because I’m not broadcasting every move.

One thing I’ve realised is that it doesn’t matter what industry you work in—once you're working for someone else, it’s rarely great. Employers can treat you however they like simply because they’re paying you. Once you’re on the payroll, you’re seen as their property. And honestly, I’ve never been fond of that concept. The older you get the harder you are to manipulate and many people don't like that.

I don’t like being treated like I belong to anyone. That mindset clashes with my desire to make art. I initially looked at animation as a path to employment—but the longer I sit with it, the more I question whether working for an employer is even the right path for me.

Maybe I’m better off working business-to-client as a freelancer. That way, I deal directly with the person who’s paying me. Sure, clients can still walk away or cancel, but at least I’m not answering to a whole chain of bosses and executives I don’t even want to deal with—especially in an environment that might already be steeped in racism, sexism, and discrimination.

I’ve experienced that in other industries. Changing jobs doesn’t erase those systemic problems. Every industry struggles with discrimination and animation isn’t immune.

It’s hard. Because a part of me wants the fun, camaraderie, and creativity of a studio environment. But I’m also wary. I want to protect myself. And if freelancing means I can work with people instead of under people, that might be the better route for me.

[resil12]

3D Modelling

I have a funny relationship with 3D art, I first started attempting it a year ago after playing around with it on a program called Nomad Sculpt. Through this program I was able to sculpt a 3D model human looking thing for the first time. I then attempted Blender numerous times before giving up, and then tried using Cinema 4D, which I was able to grasp much quicker.

I then got Maya around November 2024 last year and was able to model a train station straight off the bat. I really enjoyed it but I didn't have time to learn how to texture, and because I knew that my lecturer was expecting me to hand over my backgrounds for the 1st years to colour, I just rendered the line instead.

I think my render is on my old laptop, so here is a scene from my short film Desk to Dance with the 3D modelled train station, coloured in Photoshop but not textured.

I still have so much I want to try and learn. I particularly am obsessed with modelling 3D backgrounds even though it's something I don't really know how to do well yet. It's not something I'm trying to make into a career, so I can only do it when I have time.

2D paint-looking textures on 3D models is the new fashion, it seems. It is seemingly becoming more popular due to Arcane and Spiderverse. So I've taken it upon myself to learn how to do it, even though my digital painting skills aren't that strong. It will motivate me enough to learn it more.

An example of a studio that's done it recently:

[resil12]

How surgery changes you.

I'm sure everyone responds to surgery differently, and I wasn’t sure how I would. I was even expecting my surgery for Endometriosis to be much smoother than it went. Long story short, it didn’t go well and I had two surgeries within three days.

Getting surgery in such a vulnerable area which is directly tied to your biology changes you. Your body is constantly exposed to many different medical professionals. To them it’s just a body—they see them every day—but it’s still your body, something you don’t willingly give access to without caution.

But when you’re in the hospital, you are not left with much choice in that matter. They will ask you to expose your back, take off your underwear, and stick many different types of needles into your arms. And you know you just have to bear with it and take it because that’s how they save you.

After going through something as stressful as two surgeries, you ask yourself, why would I ever let anything small bother me ever again? Particularly if it was a life-threatening situation. Suddenly your neighbours or housemates being loud at inappropriate times doesn’t really matter anymore.

The fact that you managed to survive it all and wake up the next day, every day, matters. Suddenly those dreams you left on hold or put on the back burner—become a priority—because the awareness that one day you won’t even be alive to do them anymore becomes too much of a painful reality.

The things out of your control get put on the backburner, ’cause you’re just trying to survive. You don’t have time to worry about the things outside of your control.

But most importantly, it’s a driver for change—to change something you have always done but wasn’t serving you. To be the person you want to be, or to keep trying despite the difficulty—because surgery is a vivid reminder of how fragile our lifespans can be.

Resilience takes on a different meaning. It’s not that I can get through anything, it’s: well, if I can get through that, then I can probably face the next thing.

[resil12]

Comic artist turned Animator

I'm a year 2010 university drop out that returned to study for one year in Sept 2024 and graduated with flying colours in June 2025. I studied a combined honours of Animation, Film and Illustration between 2010-2013, and then Animation in 2024-2025.

Before I went back to university I was animating on and off for fun and my first ever animated video was for a FlipaClip competition in 2019. Still on YouTube: https://youtu.be/R9vvQzBqEKg?si=R7wF-wE3BxQWLwIq

I was very focused on just animating fun things and knew nothing else about the animation pipeline but as they say ignorance is bliss! I wanted to make a film but it wasn't something I could see myself doing anytime soon due to lack of time and resources, that is until I went back to university and met my course lecturer, who said her course could teach me. She also told me that animation can be a job as well, so I looked into it some more and that was when I discovered the studio pipeline and the many many jobs within it.

She wasn't wrong, her course did teach me how to make a film, it taught me a lot. But it didn’t necessarily teach me how to get a job in animation.

I've graduated now with no job, but that's okay because I have a complete film in the festival circuit and that's what I wanted, that is why I went back to study. My goal now is to make more films, but not just make films to also push my technical and story telling abilities.

This blog is to record that journey and all the hassle that comes with it, but raw and uncurated, with no audience in mind except me.

It is currently June 2025 and I'm unemployed, I haven't been unemployed since 2013 when I dropped out. I'm also disabled, and recovering from surgery. However this gives me more time to work on things, which is hard to do with a day job, trust me!