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i fucking hate fruit flies literally get out of my face im not a fruit

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i’m only on reddit for r/Kevin

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shout out to the drag queen last night who started the show with “ladies, gentlemen, and those of us who know better’

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There are many benefits to being a marine biologist

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*goes to egg your house but I find out you're vegan so I ¼ cup of unsweetened applesauce your house instead*

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sorry for not answering messages for three thousand years i have. Stew. in place of a brain. you know how it is

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I think sitting on the floor of the ocean for a few hours would fix me

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I want to shut up forever but I’m always thinking of more dumb shit to say

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starting a collection

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no, spotify, i don't want to use ai to "turn my ideas into playlists". i already fucking do that with my brain and hands and i do it for fun. what, should i get ai to pet my cat for me? to play my silly games for me? to spend time with my beautiful wife for me? how about i rend you asunder

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having a cat is great. there's a small little animal wandering around. effervescent

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hey sorry for getting really pissy at you earlier because I could hear you chewing. see I have a condition called [remembers pathologizing my behavior is unhelpful] it's actually because I hate you, specifically,

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In britain, you can't just call someone a "guy" or "dude" anymore. Because of bloke.

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i said it was my favorite piece of media that i’ve hyperfixated on since the tender age of 12 and have not let go of since. i didnt say it was a Good piece of media

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your unreliable narrator fucking bit me

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Damn