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[retard4846]

OUT OF TIME (SayaMilky AU)

______ - flashback ______  - current time Cheers. Claps. Happy tears. The motions they do after seeing such a big accomplishment from someone or seeing their favorite artist rocking on the stage. Why I feel empty? There is so many people cheering for me, I should be happy. This is what I want. I did my job well. People compliment me for what I worked hard for. This is what I chased for in my life. It's me. I’m the one they clapped for. I successfully win a case, my client was proven innocent, they keep saying thank you and shaking my hands unstoppably. The court that was slient and gloomy, transitioned into a blissful atmosphere. Defendant running into his family arms, the joyful reunion instead of sorrowful meetings.

Why did I never do the same I wonder? Maybe, no. If I did, you would be still in my arms. What am I thinking? I’m already out of time. flashback “Sayaka!” A bubbly girl running closer to another person that she called for. She ended up hugging this person tightly after 1 month they got separated for the job she accepted. “Hey babe, I missed you so much.” Says Sayaka while resisting the urge to kiss her. “Don’t be shy, it’s midnight, only few people here in the airport. I know you want to kiss me.” The girl chuckling while looking at Sayaka. “As much as I want to, I don’t want to do the risk and get our faces in the news tomorrow. What if they know and they’ll write “succesful business woman Watanabe Miyuki is dating?!” Sayaka imagining the news with her hands. “And I bet many paparazzi are here, even if they’re not, people would recognize you.” “But I don’t care what they’re thinking, they are always bugging me like I’m a celebrity, thanks god I’m not” pouted Miyuki. Sayaka smiles and listening to her girlfriend rumblings. “Why are you smiling at me like that?” stated Miyuki confused. “Your cuteness making my heart melt, and I’m glad I am the only person seeing this.” Miyuki is blushing as she got attacked by a rare sweet Sayaka. She really don’t see this coming. “I think I left only 1 month, I didn’t know this dere-dere Sayaka exists.” “Well, you should expect more from this dere-dere” grin Sayaka. “Anyway, let’s go home. you are freezing, and I don’t want you catching cold.”  Sayaka escort Miyuki out from the place to her car, which was ready to being them home. “Wait! I need to find my PA to bring my stuffs to your car!” Miyuki fishing out her phone to call her personal assistant. “No need darling, I already messaged her to go to my car in case we are having our romantic reunion late.” “Since when you be this cheesy?” “Since I know you gonna leave me for your business trip, all those calls make me I guess” “As far as I know I’m the one who always making the move, it’s slowly rubbing on you.” Miyuki stated. “So I need to be far away from you for you to be like this. Hmm. Great idea.” Miyuki cocking her eyebrow. “Don’t you even think about that.” Sayaka rolling her eyes to her girlfriend. “Like I can, any time without you is far too long” Miyuki encircled Sayaka while walking. “You know, seeing you on the TV, knowing you are being known to world. How happy you are when you launching your stuffs and I know how hard you to be there from scratch, you make me proud, you know that?” Sayaka beamed. “I know, and I hope I get to see you on top too, Ms.Attorney.” “Milky! Sayanee! Over here!” Sayaka and Miyuki turning their head to someone calling their name and get closer to her. “You guys are seriously taking so long, I’m freezing over here!” Miyuki’s personal assistant hugging her body. “I’m sorry Nana-san. I told you to get into my car earlier?” Sayaka with one hand up with slight bow. “Huh? You don’t even leave your carkey to me! How do I get in?!” “Ah, I forgot about that. Sorry.” Sayaka making a mental note to not forget things again. “Enough both of you, let’s go.” Miyuki says calmly. “Yes ma’am.” by both Sayaka and Nana. __________________________________________________________________________________ That time, when I was a law student, which is really hard starting from nothing.  We are in the same age, but you are really successful in young age. Unlike you, you are super known entrepreneur that if you walk, crowd will notice you right away. I still remember how first we met, how awkward I am when I saw you. How tiny I felt when our hands shaking each other. How my heart beating so fast when our eyes met. I was nothing back then. I have nothing back then, I don’t even know how you fell in love with me. But somehow, we made it. Like you said, “it was fate that brings us together” Sayaka shaking her head trying to stop her mind from thinking. Sayaka put her guitar in the case. She already done with her playing,  she really likes to play guitar as music brings her calmness that she didn’t know exists. She need to ignore those memories flooding through her mind, leaving her with regrets. PING “Hm?” Sayaka checking her phone and noticed it is her client, telling her about the next case she handling. She unlocked her phone and see a wallpaper of her and Miyuki, when they had a date at Disneyland. Sayaka sighed with a long breath. I won’t give up on you. __________________________________________________________________________________ With her spectacles, Sayaka was seen doing her never ending assignments. She has been that state for hours. She even skipped her lunch, dinner. She is really serious when it comes to her career. She want to become a lawyer, she dreamed of it when she was a child and she one step ahead to become one. “I’m home” a voice was heard from the door. That person went to upstairs and see Sayaka in her room writing. “Ah, not giving up I see. Still having that hope?” That person snickers. “Get the fuck out of my room.”  Sayaka don’t have energy to turn her head to see her sister. “Just for you to know, with that low IQ, you’ll fail your semester.” Sayaka’s sister leaving her room still with snicker. Sayaka just keep slient and never argue about it. She never wanted another fight with her sister, she knows she still has that debt after she asked her sister money for money scam. She got scammed for money, saying they will provide a job after she transfer with specified amount. They never tell their parents about this. It would be a disaster if they did. Not to mention, she has student’s debt in her plate. Sayaka always working hard to pay all her debts not only her sister, but to many people. She doesn’t want to borrow anymore money. Lesson learned. “If only I could use money cheat code in my ‘simulation’ life.” Sayaka sighed then continuing her work. It's been awhile since she talked to anyone from her family, except her parents. But she only talk when needed to them. She has this argument with her siblings and it was all her fault. She was the one started the whole thing. If only she didn’t start, maybe her and her brother would bother her sister right now. She realized that. If you wonder why she didn’t ask her girlfriend to pay the debts with all that money, Sayaka never tell her girlfriend about this matter as she don’t want to be in another debt again. She want to pay with her own money without involving someone again. Even if her girlfriend would say she didn’t need to pay her back. The guilt still there. Everything that happened was her doing. PING Sayaka removed her spectacles and moved to the bed to grab her phone. Milky ♥ -Have you eaten yet?                                                                                                                                                         -No, I haven’t. -You forgot to eat again?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   -Kinda. -You sound off today, care to tell me what’s wrong?                                                                                                                               -I’m good. Nothing to tell you. -You can always tell me what’s wrong..                                             -No, I’m really fine. Just doing some assigments. How about your day? What’s the tea? -Be prepared baby, the tea is really HOT 🍵                                              

                                                                                                        -becareful there, I have cat tongue 😔     Then there’s goes their conversation until their eyes begging to sleep. _ “SAYAKA!” “SAYAKA!” Sayaka with her lidded eyes, covering her eyes as sunlight comes through her window. “SAYAKA!!!” “Seriously, no need to shout. I bet our neighbours will wonder why this household is so loud.” Sayaka talk with low voice as she grumpily wake up from her bed. “COME DOWNSTAIRS, WE NEED TO TALK” Sayaka’s father shout from downstairs. “YEAH I’M COMING!”  i know what this ‘talk’ gonna be about “Sayaka, I know I’ve talked about this before but I’ve been seeing someone now..” Yamamoto said with sheepish smile. “Dad, I’m tired. Can we talk about this in evening or something? I want to get more sleep.” “No, Sayaka listen. I’m lonely, your mom has left us. I need someone to be with me, I need to ask for your blessing, as my daughter. I bet you want a new mom right?” “Great. Great. This is perfect Dad.” Sayaka mockingly said. “ I know right? Your siblings and you look like you want someone to a mother figure beside you, I think it’s the per- “IT’S THE PERFECT TIME TO REPLACE HER JUST AFTER MOM PASSED AWAY FOR 3 WEEKS! JUST FUCKING 3 WEEKS!! Tsk, I phrased it wrong. YOU CHEATED ON HER! YOU WERE WITH THAT BITCH WHEN MOM WAS DYING. YOU FUCKING KILLED HER!!” Sayaka rages with her eyes shot red. She couldn’t stand seeing a murderer being free without all legal action taken. Her dad uses his mistress money for clout. “WHO THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU TALKING TO?!” Yamamoto stand up and has his hand up to slap Sayaka, but somehow he stopped. Sayaka remained unfazed, staring her father’s eyes as if she trying to convey how much she hate her father. “You disgusting piece of shit” Sayaka went to her room, unleashing tears that was welled up. Sayaka still remember that day, when she see her mom was covered in blood. From her mouth then her body. She saw her dad and his mistress, laughing at her mom’s dying body. As they were seen poisoning her, forcing her to drink it. With all that money of course her dad can get away from charges, but not from law. She will bring justice to her mom’s death. That is why she wanted to become a lawyer. “Mom…” whispered Sayaka with tears. __________________________________________________________________________________ That killer that I really ashamed to call my father, was prisoned 1 year ago. He was charged with murder and sentenced to 10 years in prison. Guess who let him in? I am. The evidence and alibis, the witnesses which is me and my siblings was enough to bring him inside the bars. It took years to bring him in but I’m satisfied. I still can’t get that bitch in, she was reported running abroad after police broke in her house. Even though he is my father, but the crime he did wasn’t acceptable. I had to do what I must for justice. Sayaka brushing her suit before meeting her client as per people say, first impressions are very important as they can be about attitude as well as dress. Visual impact is at least as important as verbal impact. People will very quickly make assumptions based on your personal appearance, including your facial expressions, the clothes you wear, how well-groomed you are and your body language. That’s why she like to have her hair short, more applicable and manageable. She arrived at a café, she managed to get an unoccupied window seat, she put down her case on the table and ordered latte macchiato. As she waited for her order, she surveying on customers there. Some highschool students chit-chatting, some older and young couples dating in the café. “Rei kun, you misordered my coffee again!” “ahh I’m sorry, I thought you said espresso!” “I don’t like espresso! They’re for despresso and bitter!” the high school girl sulk and cross her arms. “Hey espresso is good you know! You never know unless you try it! C’mon give it a try!” the high school boy named Rei try to shove espresso towards the girl, Mikana. The girl was doubting if she should take a sip or not, with Rei’s pleading eyes, she tried it anyway. “PFFT- what the heck is this?! Its bitter! Nooo I don’t like it!!” The latter wiping her mouth with tissue and Rei laughing happily as he saw his friends’ reaction for a coffee. Sayaka smiling after seeing that couple and reminisced. _ “can I get a black coffee please?” Sayaka giving back the menu to the waiter. “and for me latte macchiato please.” uttered Miyuki smiling. A few minutes after the waiter leave, Sayaka asked “Latte? Seriously, you like a kid.” “At least latte tastes good, unlike you drinking bitter black coffee like an old man.” Miyuki sticking her tongue out to Sayaka. “Here’s your drinks” waiter handing out their orders and bow then taking her leave “Here, Sayaka, try it, you’ll like it!” Miyuki shoving her drink to Sayaka “No, I have my own drink, thanks” Sayaka taking a sip on her drink Miyuki pouted. With a sigh, Miyuki really know her weakness and Sayaka couldn’t stand that face. So she ask “what will I get if I try it? Miyuki thinking “A kiss?” “DEAL.” Sayaka without any thought having a sip of the latte eagerly. “Now, where’s my kiss?” Sayaka smirking “No way I would kiss you here and with that…froth on your mouth” Miyuki giggling taking a tissue from café tissue holder “You said you would kiss me if I drink the latte...” Sayaka making a sad face while Miyuki wiping froth from her mouth “Silly girl..” Miyuki leaning in cupping the stoic girl face, kissing her for a moment, even though it was short, both of them smiling contently. “So, how was the drink?” “Not that good, except the kiss.” - Scoffing, Sayaka smile bitterly as she look at her macchiato latte. I lied. That was the first I fell in love with the taste, I really love it. Looking at that couple really remind her of her own. They look so happy, just like we were. __________________________________________________________________________________ “Finally, bed.” Sayaka arrived at her home after a long day and slumped her body on her bed after taking a shower. “Let me see what she’s doing” taking her phone, she scrolling on her feed searching Miyuki’s account only noticed she has new story popped up. A picture of Miyuki and her boyfriend was seen smiling happily while having a party with champagne on their hands. “If he mess up just a little, baby, you know my line” Sayaka smirking and turning off her phone, staring at the ceiling. The smirk turning into a frown. If only..i told you everything... it was all my fault.. ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­__________________________________________________________________________________ “Babe! I got the job!” Sayaka grinning happily showing the email from law firm to her girlfriend that has been living with her after she ran from her house. Of course she didn’t tell Miyuki about the running away part, all she said was she is lonely and wanted to live with her girlfriend. “Congratulations baby! After years working hard, you really deserve it!” with a bear hug, Miyuki showering the other girl’s face with kisses, showing how proud she is hearing her girlfriend finally got the job she desires. Sayaka giggling upon the rain of kisses she got. Sitting on the couch, they are cuddling without smile disappearing on their faces. “So, what can I do for you to celebrate?” Miyuki playing with Sayaka’s bangs. “I don’t really think much about that..” Sayaka scratching her head. “maybe..cook something for me? your food are always the best” “How about..something else instead?” Miyuki shifted her place to Sayaka’s lap and put her arms around her neck. “What is..something else?” Sayaka completely being clueless, as if she having question mark on her face. “You know, I had a reallyyy bad day today in the office..” Miyuki move her index finger up and down from Sayaka’s stomach to her chest. “so I’d like some..” paused as she play with Sayaka’s shirt upper button “…relaxation..” finished with a smirk. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Who is that? Do I know them? Let me talk to them.” Sayaka gritting her teeth. Miyuki sighed “why are you so stupid..” Miyuki remove herself from the previous position and went to the kitchen. “Wait what? What did I do? You said you having a bad day so I-“ A pillow were thrown to Sayaka’s face. - This month was the busiest for both sides. Miyuki was busy getting tenders and keeping the clients while Sayaka was struggling to rank up her position. It was the time when Miyuki would stay late in her office and Sayaka at home, skimming through papers over papers. Sayaka noticed a mistake in her document. “Shit, I overlooked this” even though it was a single minor mistake, but Sayaka couldn’t let that go. She need to see this in perfect and flawless form. Then she goes checked the other documents to make sure it doesn’t have any mistakes. “I’m home~” a step of someone getting in their apartment. Getting in she noticed no one’s there. “Sayaka! Where are you?” “In the office!” Finally found her significant other, Miyuki gave her a kiss on the cheek. Hugging her from back and take a sniff of her girlfriend’s neck. “You didn’t eat dinner yet, didn’t you?” the eyesmile girl with chin put on her girlfriend’s shoulder. Sayaka just gave her sheepish smile. “I already ordered food delivery, you don’t have to cook” “Why don’t you-“ “I waited for you so us can eat together.” Sayaka finished the line. “oh, I already prepared your bath, enjoy” The stoic girl giving a kiss on top of her girlfriend head. She feeling so grateful having a partner like Sayaka, she might be dumb and clueless all of the time, but deep there she is an affectionate and thoughtful person. “Sayaka” Miyuki muttered with a tight backhug. Just a hum answering her. “Are you busy this week?” “This week? Let me see my schedule..” Sayaka opening her tab to see if she’s available. “Babe, I’m so sorry but I really packed up for this week. Next week also.” She said with guilty voice. “Can’t you at least stay for few days? I really miss you.” with her drowning eyes, she begged to stay by her side. “I am really sorry Miyuki, I got a lot of work in the firm. I promise to make for it later when I’m free, okay?”

Miyuki let the hug go. “I understand” with a sad smile. Sayaka feel really bad seeing her face but she really can’t make any free time. Turning around, she put her hand on her girlfriend’s face. “I promise I will make it later, please don’t make that face. Give me that beautiful smile.” Miyuki smiling hoping it would buy her girlfriend. “Now that’s my baby, now go to bath. You smell stinky.” “I won’t take long” Miyuki gone to the bathroom.

 Taking a break, Sayaka took out her phone and sees Miyuki’s story with a random guy. “….” “meh” She doesn’t really care about the picture, she trusted Miyuki with all her heart. She is a business woman afterall, of course there will be a lot of guys in her field. Then something clicked on her mind as her eyes went wide. “OH SHIT THE FOOD”

-

Sayaka sliently walked behind her girlfriend who was angrily stomping her way inside their room. She closed the door behind her back gently with a sigh before she walked to Miyuki who waited for her beside their bed arms crossed in front of her chest and a frown was still sticking on her face. It wasn’t her fault afterall, but Sayaka feel bad for putting a frown on Miyuki’s face instead of a smile. “Listen, babe.. I don’t know what was wrong, but can you stop?” “Stop? Why don’t you ask her instead?” “Baby, look at me” Sayaka said with a stern voice hoping Miyuki would turn her head to her, but Miyuki still couldn’t look at Sayaka. A big sigh coming from Sayaka. Hanging her head low, Sayaka explained  “She is my new plaintiff, we were just talking about my next case. It was just work-related stuff, nothing else.” “So I’m not allowed to be upset that she were hanging all over you?” “Please tell me you’re not serious right now” “I don’t fucking care, you are mine.” “Can you stop overthinking? We did nothing” “Am I not allowed to be jealous? She fucking touched you, SHE GOES ALL OVER YOU. Imagine if I wasn’t there, I bet she’d kiss you! and work? Is that including hugging you and flirting? Hold your hand with that sex eyes? If that’s what your work is all this time, now I know why you keep canceling our dates these past months.” “Did you just…assume me cheating?” Sayaka trying to hold her emotion from being apart, but her heart is burning with that assumption. “Why not? Even though I’m busy but I still had time for you, I agree to cancel all my appointments so I can spend time with you, but you can’t even let one case slip up. IS YOUR WORK MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME?!” with her eyes shot red, she screamed and tried to make her point right. “MIYUKI!” Sayaka stand up after hearing those gibberish coming from Miyuki’s mouth. “I WORKED FOR OUR SAKE TOO! JUST BECAUSE I KEEP CANCELLING OUR DATES BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T LOVE YOU!” “WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU TO JUST GET OFF WORK FOR 1 SEC?! WHY CAN’T YOU DO THE SAME LIKE I DID?!” “BECAUSE IT’S WHAT I WORKED HARD ALL THIS TIME! I POUR MY BLOOD INTO THIS JOB! I HAD TO WORK HARD UNLIKE YOU! YOU WERE BORN GOLDEN SPOON! YOU DON’T FEEL WHAT I FELT!” Sayaka pointing at her partner angrily. A shards of glass being shot on her wounded heart. “SO DON’T YOU EVER DARE TO DESPISE MY WORK!”

With all those words coming out from Sayaka’s mouth, she can not contain all the pain she had been hiding all this time. She had to tell her all about it. “Do you ever think about yourself? Do you ever think that you hurting yourself?” Miyuki gripped her hands hard with her head low. “w-what do you mean?” “Why don’t you never tell me about what’s going on with your life? Why you never tell me about your struggles? Why you never tell me ABOUT YOUR MOM’S DEATH?!” she snapped. The short hair girl gasped on the truth. “h-ho-how do you know” Miyuki took and throw all the files in the drawer to Sayaka, which she has read when she clean up Sayaka’s office. Sayaka look at those files with empty eyes. “YOU NEVER TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FATHER, YOU NEVER TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS. WHAT? AM I NOT WORTHY TO KNOW THE REAL YOU?!” Miyuki get closer to hold her girlfriend’s shoulders, crying. “I..i always wonder if all this time I love a real you..” “Why...you never give me a chance to know you?” she sobbed and lean her head on the short hair girl shoulder. “WHY?! WHY?!” few punches onto chest making Sayaka move on the impact. “I’M TIRED OF SEEING YOU CRY BEHIND ME, I’M TIRED SEEING YOU SUFFERING, I’M TIRED OF SEEING YOUR FAKE SMILES, I’M TIRED I NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO GET KNOW YOU!” Miyuki wailed. Sayaka was wordless. She couldn’t think to make a sentence to come out of her mouth. She bet if anything that come out would not make any sense. Her mind stopped functioning. All the things that supposed to be hidden was found. Her weakness that she never wanted anyone see was vulnerable. She thought she did a great job hiding all of her darkness. The girl on her chest right now is crying but she couldn’t rise her hand to wipe her tears. She was lost. “all these years we been together…was all fake? Is our relationship fake to you?” “N-NO! I meant..no. it wasn’t..” Sayaka muttered. “then what?” Miyuki snarled. “what am I to you Yamamoto Sayaka? WHO THE FUCK AM I IN YOUR EYES?!” Miyuki sit down on their bed, trying to get her girlfriend answer all the things that going on in her mind. She hold her sob, playing with her fingers. “I wonder what the other things you haven’t tell me. I’m just…tired, all the time” With that word said, Sayaka had her head up and quickly gives a respond “A-are y-you saying..you tired of me?” A slience as an answer. “No --- No, no, no, no ,no --! Not like this!” She goes to her girlfriend’s lap, kneeling and hold her hands with tears flowing begging her take her words back. “Did I not mean anything to you Sayaka?” Miyuki caressing the short hair girl softly. “I love you Miyuki, you meant a lot to me..please..don’t” sobbing on used to be bright girl lap. She trying to make her to stay. “It..I..it wasn’t supposed to..to be this way..” Miyuki brings her girlfriend’s head to face her, she look at those glistening eyes with empathy. “I hope I get to see you on the top too Sayaka. Unfortunately, without me by your side.”   She whispered with a hurtful smile. “I hope what you get what you have been chasing for, I hope your hardwork is worth it.”

That smile got her heart shattered without any pieces left. She knew even if she wanted her to stay, she can’t. She doesn’t deserve to. With her hands on her cheeks, she holding it tried to grasp everything her ex-girlfriend said.

She said with a smile

“I never stood a chance, did i?”

“That’s the sad part – you did once”

__________________________________________________________________________________

Sayaka tried to touch on the contact on her screen, but her heart keeps saying no. What will she answer if she pick up the call? She is not ready for it. Instead she open her spotify, wear her headphones in and tried to sleep. She trying to get engulfed with the music playing. Hoping all the wound she caused would heal. She hopes.

The last few months, I've been working on me, baby There's so much trauma in my life I've been so cold to the ones who loved me, baby I look back now and I realize I’m out of time.

END

Based on : Out of Time – The Weeknd

Finally, I finished this fanfic. Its not a lot but yeah. Im sorry if there is grammar or spelling wrong somewhere. I know it’s confusing here and there because of the flashbacks, but I tried to make something different from what I always do. Speaking of it, I see that I keep making angst and making this pairing sad. I don’t know if I should do fluff next? Its not my specialty but i just want to make something new. If that’s what you guys wanted, maybe I will do some in the future. Goodbye for now!

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Broken Heart (SayaMilky)

Miyuki looked at Yui, cuddling and laughing with Haruka, longing and sadness evident in her eyes. Then she smiled sadly.

“At least she’s happy, that’s enough.” She whispered to herself. but Sayaka whose beside her, heard it.

“Whose happy?” she asked. Miyuki looked at her, all the pain and grief plastered on her face.

“The one I love.” She said then stood up. Sayaka just stared at Miyuki’s back, knowing to well how she feels. She looked at Haruka who was smiling brightly at Yui. Then she looked back at Miyuki, whose entering her bedroom. But before doing so, Sayaka saw the slient tears streaming down her face. It made her sigh.

-

Miyuki wiped her tears away and laid on her bed, tiredly. She then stared at the ceiling, their memories together, flooding her mind. The laughter, the smiles, and the cuddles, the kisses, and the tears. She missed it, she missed her. She fell asleep with tear stained her cheeks. Their memories together keep lingering on her mind.

Sayaka walked to Miyuki’s room, hesitating to knock on the door. But she gained her courage to knock the door and there was no reply. So she carefully opened the door incase Miyuki is sleeping. She peeked inside and she was right, Miyuki was sleeping peacefully. She decided to talk about it tomorrow, so she turned back and closed the door. But then she heard a quiet sob. She looked back and found Miyuki crying in her sleep. She became worried, so she cautiously tiptoed across the bedroom, avoiding the mess scattered on the floor. She sat beside Miyuki’s bed and slowly wiped Miyuki’s tears away. She caressed her face slowly and delicately.

“I want to heal your broken heart, but I’m afraid we both are not yet ready to love someone else” Sayaka whispered and kissed Miyuki’s forehead.

Hello everyone, here's a drabble fic. i have new fanfic in my draft that is still in progress, it is not connected with this fanfic. i just wanted to post something since its been a while since i write ff. i planned to make a SayaMilky OS Collection so i dont have to make new ones over and over again. i still dont know how to put links and stuff. so yeah, enjoy!

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Under the same sky (SayaMilky AU)

 “Happy 3rd anniversary.”

 Sayanee whispered to Milky’s ear while both sitting side by side with their body touched on the rooftop, looking at the vast dark sky and its countless stars. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

A memory that will be forever in Milky’s mind.

A memory.

“Hey, so we got some work to do this afternoon.” Said Yuihan her best friend, her class mate and her partner for the drama show their university theater team will held in 3 months.

“We got to send this proposal to potential sponsor…are you listening to me” she asked, knowing that Milky hadn’t move a bit since she sat down in the chair next to the girl.

“Ah, sorry what did you say?”

“What is it?” Yuihan glanced at Milky’s phone.

Milky didn’t want to answer it at first.

“Sayanee?” Yuihan guessed.

“Someone tagged me in a post with her.”

“Who’s that motherfucking insensitive bastard?”  Yuihan took the phone from Milky’s hand and check it herself. It was her girlfriend, Haruka.

“Oh…umm…I’ll tell her later if I meet her.”

Milky just shook her head lightly.

“She looks happy now.” Milky said.

A silent crept between the two girls for a while.

“Well, you are happy too, aren’t you?”

“Yes. It’s just…it’s nice to see her achieving her dreams.”

That was what Milky said, but Yuihan could see clearly the emptiness in her best friend’s eyes.

Milky suddenly changed the topic to the drama show. Yuihan explained about it once again without questioning or mentioning anything about it again and they went to finish their duty after eating.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Paruru visited Yuihan in her apartment late in the night. She also had quite a lot of things that day but she wanted to eat some late-night snack with Yuihan so, she came.

“Why did you tag Milky and Sayanee together? You know how Milky feels about the breakup still, right?” Yuihan confronted Paruru when they were sitting face to face in front of the gyudon, Yuihan’s favorite food, and melon bread, Paruru’s favorite.

“I know. But Sayanee is my friend just as Milky is your friend.”

Yuihan looked at Paruru confused.

“I know how she feels.” Paruru added.

“You got me lost here.”

 “Sayanee did it all for Milky.”

It had been 2 years or so since Milky and Sayanee broke up. It was not a nice one if one had to say. Sayanee had betrayed Milky. At least that was how Milky knew it. Then, Sayaka went away, far away to the place that she always wanted. Milky didn’t really know about this because there were no more ‘they’ for them. It had been Sayanee or Milky  since.

Milky’s heart was broken, that is for sure.

She never heard anything about Sayanee after. For the longest time, her life felt empty. But as people always say, time is the cure. Slowly but sure, Milky felt okay. Terribly okay, in fact.

But she never thought that it would feel like a lightning struck when she saw or heard her name again. She didn’t know why. It was just like that.

And what about Sayanee?

Sayanee betrayed Milky, it was true. She made it that way. Because she realized that if she kept being with Milky that time, they could never achieve their dream. With a bit of a selfish thought, she decided to make as if she didn’t love Milky anymore. So, she could get away. Just a few months after their third anniversary.

She made it.  

There was this sort of relieve at first. Then she felt sad. Milky was everything to her. The sadness, she couldn’t explain. But she had decided and she determined. She thought that she’ll comeback after she settled herself. Although she was not sure if Milky will be alone by that time, but she thought that she needed to take the risk. For both of them.

Paruru knew about this, even though not from the start. Sayanee only told a fragment of her side of story to Paruru after they ended up having a conversation where Sayanee had no other choice but to tell her best friend about it.

__________________________________________________________________________________

 Sayanee was playing a mobile game while lying on her couch when Milky came and bring some foods for her. Something that she did sometimes when Sayanee’s parents were not home. Milky put the big plastic bag with two meals for their dinner on the table.

She approached the older girl and sat at the space beside Sayanee’s leg. She looked at her girlfriend who was still focused on her phone.

“Am I just gonna be here watching you for hours?” she asked.

“What? Of course, no.” Answered Sayanee quick. She let her right hand off of her phone so that she could see Milky’s face.  “Come here.” she grinned and tapped the small space left beside her body telling Milky to lie down with her.  

Milky moved her body heavily as if she didn’t want to do it. Meanwhile Sayanee getting her right arm ready as Milky’s arm pillow. She then pulled the eyesmile girl closed to her body. Wrapped her tight.

“My baby.” Sayanee said.

Milky also wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s body and felt her warmth as she hugged her.

“I told you to just come here first then we can order from here.”

“It will cost us a delivery fee while I can just get the food on my way here.”

Sayanee gave her small girlfriend a peck on her forehead.

“Let’s play together. You tap this button when I tell you, okay?”

Milky didn’t say yes, but she played along.

“Tap! Tap! No, no, no.”

Sayanee screamed and they were laughing together.

They lost the game.

“Did you tap it wrongly on purpose? Huh? Answer me honestly miss.”

Milky smirked and sticked her tongue out a little.

“You…you have to give me a kiss as punishment.” Sayanee pushed her lips to Milky’s direction.

“Aaaa….” Milky looked away and tried to hold her girlfriend’s body with all of her strength from getting closer. But Sayanee was strong and managed to kiss Milky slightly on the cheek.

“Next time, I’m gonna aim for your lips.” Sayanee teased. She fixed her position.

Milky did the same.

“Anyway, what are going to do after this? After school, I mean.” Sayanee asked when they were already in a comfortable position.

That question got Milky think a little. She didn’t really know what she wanted to be but there was one thing she always sure about. She wanted to go far away from home to continue her study. She wanted to know how it feels to miss home.

“Let’s go together.” Sayanee said.

 _________________________________________________________________________________

“Hey, Milky...Are you listening to me?”

That brought Milky back to her sense.

“Oh, sorry. What is it, Kei?”

Years passed and they were all graduated from university. Milky got her job, so did Sayanee. She got a pretty good position in the place she lived.

“Are you spacing out again? I see that you do that a lot lately.” Kei, Milky’s co-worker, was seriously concerned about her.  

“I just, I got some stuffs in my mind now.” She replied.

“What is it? There’s a company dinner this evening.”

“Can I skip it? I feel a little bit dizzy.”

Milky naturally hated crowd, but that day her head felt heavier than usual indeed. She just wanted to go home early and sleep. Kei understood and she told their boss that Milky might have to skip it this time.

Meanwhile, on the other side, Sayanee was back in town.  She called Paruru for a meet up. Paruru was with Yuihan by the time Sayanee called her. That evening, the three ended up having coffee together in a café near Paruru’s workplace.

They were talking and talking. Mostly the two best friends, catching up things.

“So, how’s Milky?” Sayanee looked at Yuihan all of sudden.

“She’s…” in her mind, Yuihan wanted to be angry at Sayanee. She wanted to ask her a bunch of questions about why she did what she did.

“She’s great!” she said at last.

“Is she with someone right now?”

“Are you?”

“I’m coming back for her.”

Yuihan just couldn’t believe what she heard. Although she knew quite a bit of it from Paruru, but hearing that sentence coming out from Sayanee herself, she couldn’t help but wondering how it seemed so easy for her. Like, there was nothing wrong and there’s never a heart that’s broken.

“I personally prefer that you never comeback.” Yuihan voiced out her opinion without thinking about what Sowon would think of her. By that time, her phone rang.

A call from Milky.

“Yuihan, can you pick me up? I’m not feeling good.” Milky said over the phone.

“What happened? Where are you?”

“I just feel a little dizzy. I’m outside my office now.”

“Okay, just stay where you are. Don’t go anywhere.”

Sayanee and Paruru knew that it was from Milky. The short girl asked about what happened but Yuihan refused to say it. Yuihan packed her belonging. Just when she was about to leave her seat, Sayanee grabbed her hand.

“Where is she?” She gave Yuihan a serious look. “Let me pick her up.”

“Are you kidding me?” Yuihan took turn to look at Sayanee and Paruru. She was kind of hoping that her girlfriend would be on her side and say something to Sayanee to get rid of that idea, but Paruru didn’t say anything.

“Woah” She looked away in disbelief.

Sayanee didn’t let go of her grip.

“I’m gonna punch you if you don’t let go of my hand.”

“Do it. Punch me. As long as you let me pick her up.”

“You crazy bi…”

Sayanee strengthened her grip to Yuihan’s hand.

Yuihan shook her hand off hard and swung the other hand to punch Sayanee. She didn’t hold back. Sayanee got pushed back and probably would already fall if she didn’t grab her chair. The sound was so loud that everyone inside the café was looking at them. Sayanee got the end of her lips bleeding. She wiped it as she stood straight back up to face Yuihan.   

“Thank you.”

The short girl packed her bag and walked out soon as Yuihan told her the address.

“Now Milky is gonna hate me forever.” Yuihan muttered.

Paruru grabbed her girlfriend’s hand but she shook it off.

“I don’t want to talk to you anymore today.” Yuihan avoid her girlfriend’s gaze annoyingly.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Milky waited patiently for Yuihan to come and get her. She was checking her phone when a white fancy car stopped in front of her. The door opened and she was so shocked to see Sayanee coming out of the car. Her heart beat so fast. Memories started to flash in her head. She almost couldn’t breathe at that moment but she tried not to show it.

Sayanee with bleeding lips and the skin around it that started to getting darker was only inches away from Milky. The girl was quite sure that Sayanee said something to greet her, but she couldn’t hear it.

The she saw Sayanee smiled at her.

“What are you doing here?” suddenly Milky’s heart filled with rage.

“I came to pick you up.”

“No, I’m waiting for Yuihan.”

“I get this from Yuihan so that I can pick you up instead.” Sayanee pointing at her lips.

“What do you want from me?”

“I want you to let me to take you home and maybe say a few words on the way.”

Milky wanted to say something but her headache was getting worse.

“Are you okay?” Sayanee grabbed Milky’s body that was getting weaker. She guided Milky to her car and took her bag. Milky didn’t have any other choice but to let Sayanee did it.

“Should I take you to the hospital instead?” The stoic girl asked when she sat on the seat opposite of her.

Milky told her that she just wanted to go home. Sayanee complied.

Then she remembered she had some medicine for headache in her bag and insisted Milky to take it. It made Milky feel a little better.

There was a silent between them for a moment after that. Before Sayanee broke it by saying sorry. She knew that Milky wouldn’t going to forgive her as easily but she wanted Milky to know her true intention. Hoping that at least she would understand.

“You fucking said that we’ll go together!! But you left me!!!” Milky wanted to scream those words in front of her ex-lover, but she didn’t. Instead, she looked outside the window. It felt like she stayed still while the people, the building and the trees were moving past by her.

“I want to be a successful person for you. And I realized back then if I kept being with you, I would only get distracted and I wouldn’t achieve this.” She paused. “I know that a lot of things could happened. That includes you probably found someone better than me. But I’ll risk it all cause I think you deserve someone great.”

Milky only reciprocated after a while.

“Have you ever thought that you’re using ‘I’ so much?”

Sayanee was surprised. She never really paid attention on her speech.

“If you have to be away from me to be successful, then you don’t need me in the first place.” Milky continued.  “You don’t have to comeback.”

Those words cut deep into Sayanee’s heart. Milky was the only thing she could think of when she was away. Or maybe she was wrong? Maybe she only thinks about herself all the time.

“I don’t want to be in your way…”

“No, that’s not what I…”

“I don’t want to reap something that you worked on so hard all by yourself while I was not even there to cheer you up.”

Sayanee wanted to say a lot of things, but she couldn’t get herself to say anything.

“You can drop me here.” Milky said.

The car stopped. Milky took her bag at the back seat and opened the door. Sayanee wanted to reach her ex-lover’s hand. She wanted to tell her to not go. She felt like she did, but she didn’t. Her hands tied tight where they were. She stared blankly at the empty seat while Milky closed the door and faded away.

Where did all go wrong? Sayanee asked herself. When did all go wrong? Maybe from the start? Maybe somewhere in between? It’s not important. She knew the consequences. Milky’s gone. Sayanee couldn’t fix it.

Milky walked back to her house carrying her bag that felt heavier all of sudden. She loved Sayanee. She did. She never cared about what Sayanee would become. She thought that whatever it would be, they could get through it together.  So, the moment the stoic girl explained everything in the car, she knew that they were not meant to be together. Sayanee was better without her.

She was happy for Sayanee though, it was also true. She just thought that they had a future together.

Maybe in another life.

If I miss you which I am sure I will, I’ll look up and remember that at least, at the very least, we’re living under the same sky.

Thank you for reading this silly fanfic again. If you wondered why I kept making SayaMilky’s fanfic was bc I don’t know what ship should I write for 48G fanfics. Lets say I use sayamilky as my default characters for my OS. Let me know if you want any ships to be written!

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NIGHT DRIVE

The night was dark, it was midnight when they decided to take a road trip. They just want to feel the breeze and run away from lights filled the sky atop the houses.  

“Is it nice?” Miyuki wearing her beautiful black dress, leaning her head on the headrest, looking at the scenery outside. 

“Sometimes it does. It is nice to drive around in the middle of night as we don’t get to do this often.” Sayaka set her eyes on the road as she driving. 

The road that seemed far away, took their voice by giving them night cold wind. 

“If we get lost, I blaming myself for letting my foot on the gas without knowing where we are going” Sayaka fixed the blanket that was on Miyuki. Not moving her eyes away. 

“I thought you gonna blame me for taking this midnight road trip.” Miyuki chuckles. 

“You never wrong in my eyes” Sayaka take a peek at Miyuki and give a smile. “Still my fault for kidnapping you and bring you away” 

“It’s not a kidnap if I was the one who told you to bring me out” Miyuki tightens her grip on her blanket. 

A long way to go, did they come too far? They don’t care. They just want to run away from reality. 

I’m suffocating like I was not myself. The wind and the old days, just says hello to me by wrapping around me and comforts me. I couldn’t breathe. I hate this. I don’t want this. I never want to. The memories coming back to me like they hate me. Well, I hate them too, so fair.  Miyuki trying to get her breath stable. 

“You okay babe?” Sayaka take a peek at Miyuki worriedly. 

“I’m good, just take few breaths and I will be fine.” Said Miyuki weakly. 

“Care to tell me what’s wrong?” Sayaka take Miyuki right hand and bring their hands on the gear stick. 

“I remember about the old days. It engulfs me making me couldn’t breathe” Miyuki state her reason. 

“No wonder you’re not afraid of the dark. Nothing outside your head could be as scary as what’s inside it. I know how hurt it was, to you, to us. But still, we can’t run away from them. They will always there to hunt us.” Sayaka wraps her fingers into Miyuki’s. Perfectly nice fit. Sayaka look at Miyuki’s eyes “Like the gaps between my fingers were meant for yours.” 

Miyuki smiled and lean her head onto Sayaka’s shoulder.  

“Silly” 

Don’t you worry, when you walking on this road. I will put you at ease, so you can see the night, this beautiful dark night clearly. People thought darkness was gloom and scary, but as you look at it, it’s a peace. No one is there, as they afraid. Just us alone, the brave ones who can see the beauty attached to it. Sayaka determined to not letting Miyuki hurt, once again. 

__________________________________________________________________________ 

They stopped at the quick stop after long road trip. Sayaka got out from the car and lean her back to the door. One foot up while looking at the stars. She pulls her cigarette from her jean jacket, lighting it up and take a whiff.  

What if I know this earlier? Will I be able to save myself from jumping into this hell pit? If it’s not me, at least her. 

“I thought you stopped smoking.” Miyuki stay unmoved in the car, not taking interest going out from the car.  

“Not this time Miyuki. That will not work on me” Sayaka take another puff. 

“Even though I told you so?” Miyuki raised her eyebrow. 

Sayaka turned her body and lowered her body the same as the car window, one hand holding the brim between the hood and window. “I will after I see you better.”  

“You know that will takes forever, an excuse for you to smoke. You just never cease to amaze me, do you?”  

Sayaka smirked onto that statement. 

“Smoke making me forget all the problems I supposed to have, I feel good” following the smoke coming from her mouth. 

I lied; smoke doesn’t make me feel good at all. 

“I miss the night I ran and drank with you. Remember that night when we got drunk after work? I fell into the drain and swim the drain. And you said ‘On a scale of one to ten, how do you feel about nachos right now?’ instead of helping me? seriously?” Sayaka grinning while reminiscing the moment. 

Miyuki giggled when she remembered the moment.  

“Well, we were heavily drunk, what do you expect? Me carrying you?” 

“Uhh, not really. As you are weak and such” Sayaka put her hand with cigarette making a thinking pose. 

“I’m not-” 

“It's not my fault that I fell. I fell into the drain of love. You are the one tripped me.” Sayaka smirked and take this moment to get into the car as Miyuki was stunned. 

“I didn’t expect that from you...” Miyuki said sheepishly. 

“From now on, you should.” Sayaka seems proud on her words. 

“If I could stay”  

Sayaka throw her cigarette and continue their journey. 

Beside the quick stop there was a small woods. Something clicked in Miyuki’s head. 

“Sayaka, you know in movies the fairies will come out from the woods?” 

“Sudden, but okay?”  

“What if those fairies were kids or babies, got kidnapped and someone sold their organs. Their bodies re-created as small robotic flying pretty and cute creatures attracting another kids. So the bad guys can sell their organs?” Miyuki tilted her head and look at Sayaka. 

Sayaka starting to feel scared on what is going on inside her head.  

“You know what, your mind is the darkest place I’ve ever been to.” 

“Ouch.” Miyuki states bluntly. 

Even though your mind are full of wonders, but I cannot find my way, hell, I start to even forget my way back.  

Continuing their no purpose journey, with night breeze accompanying them.   

“What if my time is up? What will you do?” Miyuki asked. “You know eventually we have to go, soon or later” 

Sayaka was shocked. The question she doesn’t want to hear at all, especially from Miyuki. It was terrifying. 

“Wait where are we going?” Miyuki saw Sayaka taking a quick turn. 

With no answer came from Sayaka, she took a stop at the park, guiding Miyuki who still wrapped in the blanket to sit on the bench. 

Sayaka hold Miyuki’s hands, as if Miyuki will disappear if she let her go.  

“I don’t know what I would do if…if anything were to happen to you.” Sayaka look at their hands, with shoulders shaking. 

“I couldn’t forgive myself if..if I can’t save you” Sayaka sobbing. “All things happening because of me, if only I knew you- “ 

Miyuki shushed Sayaka with her finger. Bringing Sayaka’s head to look at her eyes. 

“It’s not your fault, honey. It’s not anyone’s fault. Maybe...” Miyuki moved her hands to each side of Sayaka’s cheeks, with a smile and said “This is how fate trying to test us.” 

You can’t even do anything Sayaka, you can’t save me. 

“You look like an ugly teletubbies crying Sayaka, it doesn’t suit you” Miyuki wiped Sayaka’s tears with her thumbs. “This is better”  

Under the dark street lamp, the moonlight shones both of them. Both of them are afraid, afraid of the fate holding them. 

Miyuki were seen hyperventilating, and that was not a good sign. 

“Miyuki!” Sayaka being in panicked state, trying to help as much as she could. 

She starting to cough with red blood coming out from her mouth. Miyuki face gradually pale, her red lips turns into white, her toned skin starting to change. 

“Sa..ya..ka” Miyuki fell into Sayaka’s arms, but still being conscious. 

“Miyuki please hold on! I will bring you to the hospital!” Sayaka carrying Miyuki in bridal style. 

“I know it hurts to breathe but you have to stay with me, okay? 

The trip to hospital seems long to Sayaka, she keep pressing the gas hoping she could arrive at the nearest hospital as fast as possible.  

“IT TAKES SO FUCKING LONG, WHERE THE HELL ARE THE HOSPITAL WHEN I NEED IT?!” Sayaka irritated. 

Then, they finally arrived and went to emergency department. Seeing Miyuki is in such a state, the nurses bring stretcher bringing Miyuki to the emergency room immediately. 

Sayaka crying hard, her hard heart were soften that she could cry in front of people. She doesn’t care, as long as she could see Miyuki again. “Please- please, please stay…Miyuki..please..” Sayaka pleaded, looking worriedly to the unconscious Miyuki running on the way to the room. 

Sayaka called Miyuki’s parents immediately after Miyuki went into the room. 

Is that you? I heard your voice... 

___________________________________________________________________________ 

She heard a door being open and footsteps but she couldn't open her eyes. She couldn't do anything. 

She felt someone holding her hand. The second the warmth of the hand spreading, she knows. But she can’t feel it anymore. 

“Your hand is so cold...”  

“I’m sorry. I know it hurts, I'm sorry.”  

it’s not your fault Sayaka...  

“I’m sorry I failed you, I should’ve been there.” 

A sob. 

“Please..don't leave me, I can't live without you” 

Sayaka scoffs. 

“Who gave you permission to fall asleep huh? I don't think we are done yet you are fast asleep.” 

I wish I could, but maybe fate says this is the best. 

“I need you to open your eyes for me. Can you do that?” crying Sayaka pleaded.  

I hear Sayaka clicked her tongue and bursted. 

“COME ON, DAMN IT, WAKE UP!” 

Sayaka harshly stand up and scream. Sayaka can’t still process the whole thing happened. How she wish what she sees and heard isn't true. 

*flashback* 

As soon as Miyuki’s parents arrived at the hospital, Sayaka immediately get up from sitting and face the parents. 

“I am so sorry ma'am. I tried my best to protect your daughter but she-” 

Madoka, Miyuki’s mom folding her arms with intimidating gaze. 

“Is this what I got? I shouldn't let her to be with you in the first place.” Madoka says. 

“You can't even take care of Miyuki, you know she is sick! I don’t know what you have done to my daughter, but remember we never gave our bless after you both came out” Watanabe, Miyuki’s father added. 

“We let her with you because that is her wish. Well, I have to admit you take care of her well. I never expect a nasty person like you can make her health certain.” Watanabe with his smirk. 

Sayaka standing still in her position in the verge of tears.  

“I am so sorry, Watanabe-san.” Sayaka cried in front of the Watanabes. 

“Miyuki family?” the doctor coming out from the emergency room. 

“Yes, we are her parents, what about my daughter?” The father asked in a worried tone, Miyuki is his only daughter. His treasure. 

“You know she afflicted with Systemic lupus erythematosus?” the doctor asks. 

“We do, but we don't know what it is.” Madoka says. 

“It’s an autoimmune disease where the body's immune system attacks healthy tissues of any organ including the lungs. Coughing up blood and difficulty breathing are the symptoms when SLE affects the lungs. Complication of lung SLE can result in blood clots in the lungs, development of fluid around the lungs, and damage to the lung tissue. Her lung are clogged and already damaged. Which means...” the doctor sigh. 

“What does it mean doctor?!” 

“She can’t be saved anymore. The full clogging blood totally damaging her lungs. I’m so sorry we can’t save your daughter. I will take my leave.” the doctor bows and leave. 

As soon as the doctor finished, Miyuki’s parents cried and Sayaka, who being silent dropped her knees. She wish all of this wasn't true, her ears were lying to her. 

___________________________________________________________________________ 

“I like night drives” 

“Huh?” Sayaka with her cigarette look at Miyuki who was beside her in the car. 

“Don't you feel like all of your problems gone with the night wind? When the breeze touched your skin, you feel safe from everything.” Miyuki smiling making her eyes turned into a smile as well. 

“Since when are you this dramatic? We can't see anything at night though, dark and scary” Sayaka puff her smoke outside, totally don’t understand what Miyuki been saying. 

“Nope, that is where you are wrong Sayaka. For once, the city doesn’t remind you of the chaos that your life is. It’s calm, tranquil and laidback. Night drive is the best time to spend with yourself. It allows you so much space to think about all that is going on in your life and still not worry too much. And...” 

Miyuki grabs Sayaka’s hand and their eyes locked.   

“It also let us to make our precious memories to remember.” 

End. 

Based on Night Drive – Gfriend Yuju, Eunha 

I finally done with this fanfic. It was a rollercoaster ride for me to write this. I continuously had writer’s block on how to end this story. I even have multiples ending in this fanfic. Please forgive me if there’s grammatical errors. I would like to hear which part that I can improve in the future.  I'm sorry if this story doesn't reach your expectation. Surely, I will try to write more in the future. See ya! 

[retard4846]

I found this picture in pinterest so it would be nice in here.😃 Is it only me who listen to online classes like it's a podcast and do the day. #akb48memes #nmb48 #nmb48好きな人と繋がりたい #sayakayamamoto #yamamotosayaka #sy #山本彩 #さや姉 #sayanee #sayasonic #jpop #jpopmemes #jpopidol #山本彩好きな人と繋がりたい #山本彩公式fc #syc #miyawakisakura #sakura #hkt48 #akb48meme https://www.instagram.com/p/CbVogeFvOwN/?utm_medium=tumblr

[retard4846]

To Your Side (SayaMilky)

“I prefer the front row to stand in 2 until 5 line, so when we crouch down the back row will be seen”

“ It’s not like that you have to make your body follow the rhythm, as if you are boneless.”

“ I’m not karaage Sayanee, I’m not good in dancing, I’m not good as you”

“ Shut up, Momoka. That���s why I’m here to teach you.”

I looked at you, teaching some of the members on how to perfect their choreography. Even though it was good already, but you are you, tried to achieve the perfect success. You were always there, teaching, leading in a firmly way you could. You were known as hot tempered person, not at you almost kicked Aina when she tried to drink your juice. My grip on my bottle getting hard as I see you touches our junior, leading her, dancing with her. What is this feeling? Why do I watching you? I should be practicing now. But why my eyes keep looking at you?

“Milky? Can you move abit to the right? Seems like the chereo was crowded, I discussed with trainer that we can change this part.” Long haired Sayaka said.

Miyuki moved, and she slipped down on the cold ground.

“Milky are you okay!? Are you hurt somewhere?!” Sayaka touched Miyuki’s body, inspecting if there any wound. Everyone stopped dancing, concerning Miyuki.

Miyuki’s face goes red, is she dreaming? Yamamoto Sayaka concerns about her. Sayaka’s face were really worried. And not to mention, Sayaka touched her body tried to find if there is any wounds. Why she felt happy? What is this butterfly flying in her stomach? No it couldn’t be, this is not novels she always read when she got bored.

“Milky your face is red! Are you in fever? You shouldn’t have come to the practice!” Sayaka said worriedly.

“I’m fine Sayanee, maybe I didn’t watch myself when I move. I was in my mind but thank you Sayanee”

“are you sure you’re okay?” Sayaka asked.

Miyuki blushes “yeah just need take five”

“alright then, go rest for some minutes, we’re not gonna ruin our first double center aren’t we?” Sayaka smiled. Miyuki was in a cloud nine.

“Alright everyone! Continue your work!”

Miyuki always wonder, what is this feeling? What is this feeling of looking at someone intensely that you felt like you could have anything if you had them? What is this feeling that longing? You missing someone they do not know you are there. What is this feeling of trying to win that person attention? What is this jealous feeling that hurts when they hold someone’s hand?

She asked her mom about this, yet her mom just smiled and told her “only you can decide your own feelings, honey.”

Miyuki didn’t believe it, she only have this feeling when she was with Sayaka. No way she loves Sayaka. She means, they are literally two world vary. She was water and Sayaka was fire, can’t never be one.

She made a big mistake, she didn’t know that the news will catching up on her fast. Her news of her scandal that she went to a house of a male idol.

“Milky. what the hell are you doing?! You got in scandal when we will have our next single soon?! We gonna be the centers Milky! We are idols! Get your grip!” Sayaka rages, the whole room silences. There was just their closest friends there, they know they don’t want to make a big fuss about it as it is.

“Sayanee..” Miyuki said almost crying, she was stupid. She didn’t think about the consequence will happen.

“ Watanabe Miyuki, look at me when I am talking.” Miyuki looked at Sayaka’s eyes, she sees hurt and angry in her fierce eyes. She is scared just by looking at Sayaka’s eyes. She is afraid losing her.

Miyuki tried to stick up with her male friend just because she wanted a confirmation. A confirmation that she is not in love in Sayaka. She knew she was straight. Actually she already going out with some of the member but it was in vain. Both relationship felt nothing to her.

“ Sayanee-san, you look so cool!” says the juniors circling Sayaka.

“ I didn’t know you can be this handsome Sayanee, let’s go out together” says Akarin sheepishly.

“Sayanee-san, here a gift for you” The junior holds Sayaka’s hand while blushing.

“ What the heck guys, this is too much for me.” Sayaka touches her nose, a sign that she will always do when she get embarrassed, hate but love or being tsundere.

The day Sayaka cut her hair, showing her determination that she will not lose. I can hear and see what they were doing, they literally circling you around. Admiring you as you look so cool and handsome. I didn’t get a chance to say it to you, as they surrounded you. I wish I could say it to you too.

“Milky.”

Huh? Why my heart beating fast? You normally coming towards me and just call my name. I blame you heart.

“How do I look? You know, I want to change my appearance a little bit and I don’t like to break my promise after Senbatsu. But I didn’t expect they will fangirling me. How do I look to you? am I that handsome?”

“Honestly Sayanee, they were right. You look very handsome with short hair. I like short hair girls” Being a bright and cheerful girl as I am, there I said it.

Wait, did Sayanee just.. blush?

“WOOOO SAYAMILKY SAILING”

“SAYAMILKY FOREVER”

“Looks like our favorite pair will have a good night tonight”

The girls screamed and teasing them. As the whole group known as SayaMilky shipper. Nah, they even brag about who is the best shipper among them.

“Guys stop it” Sayaka said while touching her nose again.

“Look at our tsundere captain everyone! She trying to flirt with Milky!” Momoka said loudly

“I will be number one shipper if they’re together” Nana said.

“Of course you will, grandma tends to be like that” Fuuchan said with her smile.

“I’M NOT THAT OLD” Nana defending herself.

“Baba.” Jo said.

“WHO TEACH MY BABY TO SAY THAT”

This is how the practice be like everyday. We were like a family. I don’t know how Sayanee handle this mess everyday. Oh trust me, she becomes one of them.

“So, you like it huh?” Sayaka interrupts her monologue.

“ I do.” Miyuki smiled with her eyesmile.

Today I would like to try something new, fishing Sayanee. Don’t get me wrong, I am so bored to sit here while waiting for the members to come back bringing the lunch.

“Sayanee”

“hm?” Sayaka not looking up from her ipad.

“Did you got presents from the members again?” Miyuki leaning towards Sayaka.

“Yeah, I got a bunch today. I thought they already stop with my short hair comeback, but they still went wild with it. Guess I’m that handsome huh?” Sayaka finally raised her head up, smiling, boasting herself.

“Seriously? You just realize that?” Milky raised her eyebrow as if she doesn’t believe Sayanee just realize the obvious thing.

“Well..yeah” Sayaka said with her fail face.

This is it, with the power of my fishing skill, I want my bait to be bitten. Don’t wish me luck, my pride as a fisher will guide me.

“Hey, Sayanee” while leaning on Sayaka’s shoulder. “You know.. you would be the perfect girlfriend”

“e-eh?” Sayaka stutters.

Strange. This is not Sayanee.

“Look at you, you are all rounded person. You can do anything a human being wish could do” Miyuki said touching her fingers down on her forearm. “plus, you’re too handsome for a girl”

“what the heck Milky I’m not as what you said. I have my bad too. Go away from me, you are too close” Sayaka being shy on Miyuki’s words.

There! I made it! She is so cute when she blushes. I smiled to the ears like I achieved something big. Wait, did i?

“oh, I am too close? Sorry” Miyuki hug Sayaka’s arm.

“M-Milky? What are y-you d-doing? Go away” Sayaka trying to get away from Miyuki with ipad still in her hand, as she doesn’t want people to see. The members are taking too long buying lunch.

Miyuki smiled with a glimpse of disappointment as she let go of her.

Guess my magic is not working.

Neither than she knew, someone touching her nose.

“I tried to flirt with her and she went shy” Miyuki boasting and grinning widely.

“no I didn’t!” Sayaka said while touching her nose.

“what is this? Is this what happened in NMB backstage?” Takamina asked.

“you really blush when I tried to flirt with you, you really like it don’t you?” Miyuki stared at those eyes, hoping something else.

That’s when the interview went wild, as the MC was asking random questions. Miyuki gets closer with Sayaka when they in the backstage.

“no, I knew you were being playful” Sayaka touches her red nose.

Sure. What did I expect from her? She doesn’t even like me. Wait, WHAT I really expect from her? Why I’m feeling hopeful that she will like me? I don’t even like her!

“Hey Milky”

“Yes Sayaka? What is wrong?” Miyuki uses Sayaka’s first name instead of her nickname. Since they getting closer and she comfortable calling Sayaka with her first name.

Miyuki’s eyes went wide, disbelief as what she seen.

“I took this challenge because it was interesting for me, let’s hope I won” Sayaka said with her danso clothes.

“y-you look so cool Sayaka..” Darn it Milky. Get your grip! Stop fidgeting around she will notice you stupid!

Sayaka gets closer and held Miyuki’s hand.

“it’s the time for the shoot, shall we?” Sayaka smiled.

There they go walking with holding each other’s hand.

“Urrrghh, why the hell her image is growing more and more in my mind the more I tried to erase it?! I don’t even like her!” Miyuki said smiling like a fool while buried her face into her bolster.

“I just want a damn sleep!”

“Are you really sure about that Miyuki-chan?” Miyuki mom asking her daughter after what she just said.

“hm.” Miyuki nodded.

“I won’t be in your way, go for it. Chase what is your heart telling”

“You’re the best Mom! Thank you so much!” said Miyuki while hugging her mom.

“I can’t believe it Milky! You chose him over your career?! We are idols!” Sayaka rages once again. As she heard about Miyuki’s second scandal. She sleepover with an ikemen model.

“Where is your dignity? Oh, do you even have one?” Sayaka said with her smirk.

“Sayaka! I’m not what you are thinking! Don’t you dare to bring me down!” Miyuki getting closer to Sayaka, she is really mad.

Why Sayaka even care? She accuse me that I don’t have dignity? This is rude!

“me? YOU ARE THE ONE BRING YOURSELF DOWN. YOU BRING BAD NAME IN THIS GROUP.”

Sayaka slamming her forehead onto Miyuki’s.

“FISHING MEN SO THEY CAN FALL FOR YOU?!”

“I DON’T EVEN LOVE HIM! WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHY I GOT INTO THAT MAN’S HOUSE?”

“YOU ONLY WANT YOUR PUSSY TO GET CLEAN AND SO YOU” Sayaka pointing a finger to Miyuki

“CAN GET PAID AS A FUCKING SLUT” Sayaka finally said the word.

Everyone was stunned hearing their captain.

“Both of you. enough.” Nana was the one who brave enough to separate them in the break up. All of the members knew not to mess with angry Sayaka.

Miyuki has her eyes brimmed with tears. Sayaka’s word left an impact to her. Sayaka doesn’t let her explain. Those pictures and tabloids are really making their money doing fake news.

Miyuki left the break room, crying.

“She has her reasons.” Akari interrupts.

“What reason?! For her to get second scandal so she can get attention! What a whore!” Sayaka still with her smirk.

A slap could be heard.

“You maybe our captain Sayaka, but your word doesn’t fit your position. I won’t hesitant to punch you if you say that to our member. Especially Milky. You called her a slut? You don’t even get to listen to her explanation yet you goes to your stupid conclusion. You’re so stupid, Sayaka.” Nana rages after she slapped Sayanee.

“Plus, why do you even care? You know this group has secret relationships everywhere, but you taken it as it is. Don’t use your ‘captain’ position ‘I have to know everything about members’. We know that ain’t it.”

“You are the worst Sayaka.”

Miyuki walks to her hotel room, she need a good shower and sleep after finishing her schedule.

After dumping all her stuff on her bed, she took her shower.

“it feels good~” Miyuki soaking her body in hotel’s bath.

After finishing up, she put on her towel and she wanted to wear her clothes. And then she saw someone was already sitting in another bed. She knew someone gonna be her roommate but she didn’t expect HER.

“as usual, you taking too long when taking a bath” Sayaka looks at Miyuki.

“you are my roommate?” Miyuki asks not believing what she sees after the incident two months ago.

“yeah, since everyone had their partner already. You don’t like me here? I can go” Sayaka said while tidying up her stuff.

“no no” Miyuki holding Sayaka’s arm. “I’m good, I didn’t know who is my roommate. Kinda shocking it was you”

Sayaka face went red.

“are you okay Sayaka? You got a cold?” Miyuki was about to touch Sayaka’s forehead untill Sayaka speak up.

“w-wear c-clothes” Sayaka look another way.

Miyuki’s towel loosening so Sayaka could see her cleavage.

After that Sayaka took her shower and Miyuki was drying her hair. Then, she saw Sayaka walking in a weird way.

“Sayaka? Are you okay?”

“yeah, I am okay just…little bit dizzy.” Sayaka forcing her smile to show she was okay.

“did you eat? Or took medication?” Miyuki asks worriedly.

“ I didn’t got to eat except breakfast, you know I never had more 3 days off, this month I never got one” Sayaka massaging her head.

Miyuki feel sad about how management treats Sayaka. She is a captain but that doesn’t mean she couldn’t have longer breaks. She literally looks like zombie. She already have more burden on her petite shoulders.

Miyuki gets up and goes to the mini kitchen.

Glad this hotel has a kitchen in their rooms.

Miyuki took out all ingredients she bought, since they gonna have 3 days tour here. She got to buy something to cook. She prefer to cook than calling the hotel service. If that hotel have a kitchen though.

“Hey Milky, what are you doing cooking at this hour?”

It was 1 am they got into the room. That’s what make Sayaka feels weird.

“You didn’t got to eat right? You must be hungry. Room service can take a long time, plus at this late hour I doubt they will open the food service. I’m cooking for you” Miyuki tie up her apron.

“You don’t need to, it will be too much for you to cook. I can eat instant ramen”

“No Sayaka, instant food is not good for your diet. We are idols remember?” Miyuki flashed her smile to Sayaka.

Why does her word hurt right here?

Sayaka trying to comprehend the word “ we are idols”. She regretting her words she said two months ago. Until now.

“Miyuki..” Sayaka get besides Miyuki who was busy cooking.

Miyuki got her ears perked up when she heard Sayaka calling her by her first name. Something that was really rare.

“I-“ Sayaka holding her head after a sharp pain thrusting.

“Sayaka are you okay?! You should take a rest instead of moving around!”

Miyuki touch Sayaka’s forehead.

“Oh my god, Sayaka you are burning! you didn’t eat any meds didn’t you? I told you to rest this evening, but you said you wanted to check up the members. You didn’t listen to me did you?! Lie on the bed! Wait for me to finish cooking! And DON’T MOVE.” Miyuki chattering while bringing sick Sayaka to bed.

“What is going on inside that your mind? You pushing herself and look at you now! I should force you to rest if I knew this gonna happen! You look lifeless! We even have schedules tomorrow-“ Miyuki nagging to Sayaka who unexpectedly listen to her, watching her back in the kitchen.

Sayaka look at Miyuki’s back with her hand on her forehead, with a smile carving.

After a while, Miyuki finished cooking and bring the foods to Sayaka.

“how is it? Is it bad?” Miyuki sits on her bed while watching Sayaka eating.

“bad? This is the most delicious food I have ever eaten! Well, can’t compare with my mom’s” Miyuki giggles on Sayaka remarks.

“I can’t cook heavy food since we are in late hour, sorry.” Miyuki looked down.

Sayaka saw her, stopping her tracks. “Miyuki,this is more than enough for me! I am the one who should say sorry for making you worry.”

A silence.

“I like it.” Miyuki said shyly.

“like what?” Sayaka confused.

“I like when you call me by my first name”

Sayaka covering her shyness by eating her foods. “it’s not like I never call you by your first name”

“but it was rare. I like when you say my name. We have been together for long time but you rarely call me by Miyuki. You always call the members by their first names.” Miyuki pout her mouth.

“yes ms Watanabe. I will take that note now.” Sayaka bowing her head to Miyuki in a joking tone.

“now that sounds awkward.” Miyuki was laughing at Sayaka, which Sayaka laughing too.

After their joking and laughing ends, Miyuki had to remind Sayaka.

“Sayaka, here is the medicine.” Miyuki give Sayaka the pills.

“How the heck did you got the meds here?!” Sayaka surprised by how fast Miyuki got the meds.

“Preparations, Sayaka. Now EAT.” Miyuki being strict to her captain right now.

“I will eat tomorrow. Im sleepy after eating”

“ I don’t trust your ‘tomorrow’. You won’t eat it tomorrow as you busy go ahead to your schedules. Eat in front of me. NOW.” Miyuki being strict to her captain right now. Their position switched.

Sayaka gulping as she heard Miyuki being (almost) angry. She took the pills from Miyuki’s hand and ate it.

“scary” Sayaka said softly and low after drinking water.

“say that again and I will tell your manager to skip your schedule for our tour.” Miyuki said while slapping cool patch onto Sayaka’s forehead.

“OUCH- MIYUKI IT’S HURT!” Sayaka whined.

“don’t be such a baby, say one word again and I will call manager right now” Miyuki threatened Sayaka.

“YES MA’AM I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING I WAS TALKING TO THE WALL RIGHT HERE ITS SO SCARY” Sayaka looking the wall behind her, as if it was scary.

“great, now..” Miyuki goes to Sayaka’s bed and lie beside Sayaka.

“wha- Miyuki?”

“shh, you having a fever. I heard the best way to reduce fever is hugging the person who have a fever.” Miyuki hug Sayaka on her bed. Leaning her head onto Sayaka’s chest. “I saw it on the internet anyway, I don’t know if its work but I think its worth trying”

Miyuki can hear Sayaka’s heartbeat and it was so calming.

“hey, Sayaka..”

“y-yes?” Sayaka stutters.

“what do you think of liking or loving someone?”

“why are you asking this?” it was weird for Sayaka hearing such thing from Miyuki. As she know Miyuki isn’t a type of falling in love easily.

What she know.

“well, for me, it is normal for a human being to falling in love right? We were born with love, love teaches us to become who we are today. Love can make us hurt, piercing pain sensation to us thus making us gave up. It also can make us happy and being floppy all day, make us protected and believe no one can stop us as long as we are in love. How such a thing can make us feel mixed feelings at once? Like if you like someone, just go for it. Don’t think about rejection. The main reason you wanted to confess because you want to throw the burdens away from your heart. The longer you keep it, the longer you trapped in your own heart. Even if someone rejects you, at least you feel the ease” Sayaka giving her points.

“…” She felt surprised on how mature Sayaka is thus making Miyuki swallows those words and think about it.

“what’s wrong?” Sayaka lowered her gaze to Miyuki who still resting on her chest and in deep thought.

Miyuki hugged Sayaka swooply.

Sayaka got tensed by the hug, but Sayaka hugged her back soothingly. As she want Miyuki to tell her what is going on inside her mind. Doesn’t care how long it takes.

“is it wrong for me to like someone, Sayaka?”

“No, but in this life you’re in. You can’t”

“ What if I like you, Sayaka?”

Sayaka open her eyes shockingly and making little distance between their body to see Miyuki’s face.

She didn’t see any tricky dishonest flirting in her eyes. It took a while for her to response.

“i..” Sayaka still confused what to reply.

“Miyuki, i..” DARN IT, WHY THE WORD DOESN’T COME OUT??

Sayaka loosening their hug and keep looking at Miyuki’s eyes, with a blank gaze.

Miyuki want to find the answers in her eyes then chuckled.

“It’s okay Sayaka, you don’t have to answer me. As I know what the answer would be. You the one said that confessing will take our burdens away right?” Miyuki still smiling.

“I want to say this now because I thought it would be a perfect way to do it. I want to confess all were stuffed in my heart to you. I don’t even think I would like you. From afar, as I search for you, I find myself always look at you. My eyes keeps longing for you even before I do.”

How can she smile? Sayaka staring into Miyuki’s eyes, as if trying to convey what she is feeling right now because her mouth disagrees with her.

“I’m not used to it, because I’ve never loved anyone. Those scandals I had? I don’t know how did it happen. But I know I don’t love them at all. Not even a bit.”

“Sayaka…” Miyuki holding Sayaka’s hand with her both hands.

“Will it okay for me to love you? Will it be okay for us to start?” Miyuki looking at Sayaka’s eyes, hoping for some answers.

Though I don’t know if my wounded heart would ever make you cry, Sayaka.

“I don’t know Sayaka, on how to speak out my love and hold you like our friends do.

No, like lovers do.”

“I only have this heart to give you” Miyuki bring Sayaka’s hand that she has been holding to her heart. Miyuki really want to find the answers in her eyes, just once more.

“I don’t have courage to protect you, will you love me?”

Sayaka flabbergasted.

“I’m sorry, Milky..”

Miyuki smiled sadly after hearing that from Sayaka.

As I thought, eyes never lies.

Sayaka moved forward her body towards Miyuki. Leaning her face to Miyuki and tilted her head to side. Still locking their eyes together.

Softly kissing her on her forehead.

The room has been silence for a while. The silence was too loud.

Miyuki’s tears finally rolling to her cheeks, she has been trying to hold it back.

Sayaka wiped the tears, she knows the pain she feel right now is not the same as Miyuki’s heartache.

Both of them smiled to each other, understanding the silence.

“Let’s go to sleep, it is late already. We got schedule tomorrow.” Sayaka covering up their body with blanket.

That smile, which I’ve grown used to that bright smile.

Miyuki watch the rest of the members are joking around as they always do. Sayaka and Momoka are having their stupid comedy again, even its unintentional, they successfully made everyone laugh.

I like when her indian dimples when she smile brightly or laugh. It is just amusing to me.

“Oi shorty! Come here I need to talk” Momoka shout to Sayaka.

“Don’t call me short! Just talk right here!”

“Just come closer stupid!”

Sayaka got closer to Momoka and Momoka lean to her ears.

What she doesn’t know Aina getting ready to Kancho her butt.

Sayaka look behind her, looking at Aina who smiled innocently as she succeeded Kancho her butt.

“I KNOW I SHOULDN’T TRUST BOTH OF YOU. AHHHHHHH”

The partner in crime running from the victim who was ready to punch them in the face.

“I SWEAR I WILL PUNCH YOU BOTH TILL YOU CAN’T GET UP” Sayaka grabbing any handheld object to transforms into a weapon. As we know Sayaka is a quite hot blooded person.

“TRY SHORTY”

“I AM YOUR CAPTAIN”

“FOR NOW YOU ARE NOT!” Aina added while running away.

“Sayanee you will kill them for real if thrash them with that!” Akarin said while cackling.

I wish I could make her happy like that, or at least, making her smile. I had my hopes up. I find myself wishing more, that I can fill your day. Like right now.

Just like her.

Sayaka sits beside Yuuri, who was laughing on her attitude before.

“Sayanee-san, you look like a toddler when you chase them down” Yuuri giggles.

“They are the one who was being stubborn” Sayaka pouts.

“Cute.” Yuuri wiped Sayaka’s sweat off her temple.

“I’m older than you” while hugging Yuuri.

“Say someone who clinging on me right now~”

That night, I see someone in your eyes that is not me. That was where I know I should give up. I feel like standing on the edge of the cliff, the despair woke me up.

“Milky.” Rika crouching in front of her, invading her vision on the couple.

Rika hugged Miyuki as she blankly in her thought.

“I know Milky, what we want we do not necessarily get it. Let her go and let your heart free”

“Thank you.”

­

“I, Watanabe Miyuki, will graduate from NMB48”

I see my fans are shocked and the members too. I know this is quite surprising but this is it. I need my space to fly. I already discussed this with Sayanee. She said she doesn’t want me to graduate yet, the condition of NMB isn’t stable yet for an ace to go. But I can’t, I need to rest from the idol’s world and fly on my own later.

I decided to moving on my feelings from her, that is one of the reason why I decided to graduate. I still love NMB48, I want them to work hard to bring NMB without their senpais on their back. But I want to see myself on the stage alone. I want to rebuild my career alone. Not to be selfish but, I want to see entertainment differently. I entrust NMB48 to my kouhai, I know they will bring NMB to the world more than we did.

I didn’t expect her to cry today, I know she is not a crybaby, she doesn’t cry on our friends graduations too.

Why is she crying? Is it just an acting? Wait, Sayaka is bad in acting.

They moved to backstage, talking about the sudden announcement and getting ready for the last performance.

“Everyone, let’s get ready here” The members moved to the center and make a circle.

Sayaka gripped Miyuki’s hand hard.

Miyuki shocked and looked at their hands then Sayaka.

Still in her captain face mode.

“Let’s do our best and make this a happy graduation announcement for Milky! NMB~”

“48!” NMB48 members shouted after the captain giving a brief talk backstage.

Everyone parting, getting ready to wear costumes, Miyuki got halted as she moved. Her hand still in Sayaka hard grip.

“Sayanee? We must-“

“Call me Sayaka.” She is staring at the floor.

“Umm, Sayaka we must get read-“ Miyuki nicely tell Sayaka to let go of her hand.

“I KNOW.” Sayaka snapped.

Silent went through them as they the only ones who was in the same spot.

Sayaka sigh loudly, letting go of their hands.

“Let’s go.” She is in her stoic face.

What the hell is wrong with her today?

The time of graduation concert finally come. I smiled brightly as I remind myself not to cry on my big day. I don’t want people to see my crying face. I want everyone to accept my graduation with no tears.

I can’t believe we are singing the song she composed for us, it was a beautiful song. I listened to it many times even when it was a demo. I was really surprised when she said she already got a song prepared for me, she talked to Aki-P and he approved it before she reveal it to me said it was a gift for my graduation. I don’t really expect anything from her. I proudly show to my friends that she made the song for me. Even she only composed the song, but I really appreciate her work because this is her first time composing an official song. The lyrics that Aki-P wrote for us, I can relate to the time we have been together as a workmate.

In the script, I was the one who supposed to holding her waist and I don’t know how or when she got the courage to hold my waist instead. Sayaka is not a skinship person. I let go of my arm who was about to hold her, as I letting go of my feelings of her.

I laughed with the members seeing Sayaka’s crying face. It is too rare to see her cry so we took this opportunity.

After we done singing Sotsugyou Ryokou, Sayaka staring blankly after crying. I wonder that is honest tears or not? Why is she crying? If its about my graduation, she doesn’t cry on anything! Crying Sayaka could be a big thing in her life happened. She only cries on something that is important and dearly to her.

Wait.

I shaking my head to let the irrational thought out of my mind.

Maybe she crying because we have been a good workmate, center, aces. Too hard to see someone who standing beside us gone.

At the changing room, I go to Sayaka for the last time. I want to talk to her alone.

“Sayaka.”

Sayaka seems crying? as she hurriedly wiped something on her face.

“what’s up?” Sayaka replied as she suddenly wake up and tidying up her stuff.

“Sayaka, can we talk?”

“We’re talking right now.” Sayaka coldly said.

“I..i want to talk about us!”

Sayaka stopped what she was doing. Sayaka looked over her shoulder looking at the petite figure.

“I want to confirm for the last.” Miyuki turned her head down.

“I want to know how you see me, even not as someone special. I want to know who I am in your life!” Miyuki snapped and bring her eyes to look at Sayaka.

“Please, just for the last, who the hell I am to you?!” Miyuki’s eyes already brimmed with tears.

Sayaka turned her body and walked towards Miyuki.

“You are someone who stand beside me and guide me to the light when I was in darkness. You showed me how life will be if we enjoy to the fullest. You were the one pulled my hand to see the world was not about me alone. If I wanted to chase my dream, I must getting know people because we don’t know someday they are the one who will help us chasing that dream. I like when you told me to rest and remind me I am a human. Thank you for letting me by your side” Sayaka paused.

“If you really want to know who you are to me…” Sayaka get closer to Miyuki.

Sayaka put one hand to Miyuki’s shoulder, and one patting her head.

“You are a special person to me, my mere dearly comrade.”

*based on To Your Side - Yuju (cover)

This is my first ever fanfic, I apologized for the grammar mistake or spelling, as english isn’t my first language. After years being slient reader, I go out from my circle and try new things. I hope you enjoy my first fanfic and Sayamilky fanfic. The first plot will be the clishe one, as I am new to this writing world. Im sorry for the length of this OS, too long for an OS. I will try another plots to improve my writing. Let’s hope the will in me always burn to write.

[retard4846]

I will put this in my wallet so if I get isekai by truck kun at least someone know the owner has the great taste.💅 I know it look weird, imagine photoshopped this at 2am. ----------------------------------------------------#akb48memes #nmb48 #nmb48好きな人と繋がりたい #sayakayamamoto #yamamotosayaka #sy #山本彩 #さや姉 #sayanee #sayasonic #jpop #jpopmemes #jpopidol #山本彩好きな人と繋がりたい #山本彩公式fc #syc https://www.instagram.com/p/CZH-gvxP0PL/?utm_medium=tumblr

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Little late but Happy New Year to all the farts -----------------------------------------------------#iriyamaanna #annin #AKB48 #akb48family #akb48 #annairiyama #jpop #japaneseidols #japaneseidolgroup #japanesegirl #jpopmeme #jpopsinger #jpopidol #akb48meme #akb48memes #48group #入山杏奈 #あんいん https://www.instagram.com/retard4846/p/CYRfDD4PScK/?utm_medium=tumblr

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Should be mine though but it's okay ---------------------------------------------------- #ikutaerika #ikuchan #nogizaka46 #nogizaka #生田絵梨花　#生田絵梨花卒業 #生田絵梨花推し #生田絵梨花神推し #いくちゃん　#いくちゃん推し #いくちゃん推しと繋がりたい #乃木坂46 https://www.instagram.com/p/CXWSYcBv2ho/?utm_medium=tumblr

[retard4846]

Craving for some long french bread but not french. -------------------------------------------------------#akb48 #akb48family #ske48 #nmb48 #hkt48 #ngt48 #stu48 #nogizaka46 #keyakizaka46 #sakurazaka46 #yoshimotozaka46 #snh48 #akb48teamtp #akb48teamsh https://www.instagram.com/p/CW6RzZIPXB3/?utm_medium=tumblr

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HANDSOME

[retard4846]

Yamamoto Sayaka「UNIVERSAL MUSIC STORE」

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Same.

Jurina: I may legally be an adult, but don't be fooled, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing.

[retard4846]

Kojiharu: Does Takamina know about any of this?

Acchan: No.

Kojiharu: … Can I be there when you tell her?

[retard4846]

48 and 46 girls, no offense but raise your standard please. You guys deserve better than this. Why the 48&46girls has to stick with the trash guys Miichan used to have hot guys in her hand and look at she now.💀 ------------------------------------------------------#akb48memes #AKB48 #minegishiminami #miichan #shirahamaalan #alanshirahama #keihosogai #hosogaikei #48group #48g #sakamichi46 #sakamichi46 #峯岸みなみ #白濱亜嵐 #細貝圭 #坂道シリーズ #アイドル #jpop #jpopmemes #jpopidol #japaneseidolgroup #japanese https://www.instagram.com/p/CT70-6BhE6v/?utm_medium=tumblr

[retard4846]

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I have to confess that sometimes I have urge to slap Sayanee don't ask me why I don't have the answer ----------------------------------------------------#sugaiyuuka #yuuka #keyakizaka46meme #keyakizaka46 #keyaki #sakurazaka46memes #sakamichi46 #sakurazaka46memes #jpop #jpopmemes #jpopidol #jpopsinger #sakurazaka46 #菅井友香　#欅坂46　#櫻坂46　#坂道46 https://www.instagram.com/p/CTlOKq_geCI/?utm_medium=tumblr

[retard4846]

I love her

WHO CAN RESIST SAYANEE’S SMILE?!

That was rhetorical anyway.. Do not resist, just let it gets to you and fall in love with her like I did (┳Д┳) then we will be comrades lol (ﾉﾟ▽ﾟ)ﾉ