reveregret

[reveregret]

Will You Be Mine?

a. Yes!

b. A

c. B

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۶ৎ ·˚ according to those in healthy relationships, it's actually alright to share accounts and passwords! Of course not for means of suspicion, but trust! You trust me, right? You'd give me the names, emails and log-ins of your accounts and passwords, right? You'd give me a list of your mutuals if I asked, right? I mean, you love me. Right?

I know I'd give you mine in a heartbeat. These things should be mutual after all. It's all for the sake of a healthy relationship! This is simply a milestone of trust. ᰔ

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I think most people don’t look into communication that deeply. As long as talking was had it counts (even if only one person was talking or it went nowhere oof).

Here I am practicing what I preach, trying to show that I am not overly obsessed with you and your blog taking a several day long break. You can decide if coming back means anything in that realm or not I suppose. Hope you’ve been well since we last spoke.

Dissociating is really rough for sure. I feel like it combines with my imposter syndrome as well. So I’m left feeling like I really wasn’t a part of whatever I’m being praised for (whenever I get praise haha…).

I wish my pollen symptoms were that weak haha. But in return I guess my reaction to sweat is a lot more positive. Bugs still give me the big ick though. Damp clothes, if I feel like I accomplished something kind of feel rewarding? I think pain sometimes gives me something as an indicator that I succeeded.

I respect how you think of hiking. Honestly how I think of hiking is probably a microcosm of how I think of life and other things in general. If it’s not a “big success” with grandeur than it’s not so big a deal. I’m glad you can find joy in exploring like that.

oh, it still counts; i never said otherwise. it's just that if it's not mutual it's more just basic expression than it is true understanding of one another's statements. you can still get by, of course. my point was simply that without clarity, everything said must be taken at face value, however the other person interprets it.

honestly, the fact that you feel the need to intentionally prove yourself by taking a break and making a point of it when you do come back says a lot. what exactly are you trying to preach again? is the idea that you can go without checking in constantly and therefore you're not obsessed? i ask genuinely because it's implied that it's something that you have to refrain from.

there's a lot that can coincide with dissociation. no matter what, it's disorienting throughout and by the end of it. anything it pairs with just seems to make that worse.

i used to get sick every spring, but that's eventually gotten better and now it's just mild discomfort. i got lucky with that. i can still see your perspective as far as sweat being a result of an accomplishment, but i don't fully relate. it's not usually the case for me because i'm often just trying to get between places. even if i accomplished something, sweat just reminds me of how much energy i spent and how tired i am now. not to mention having to still put stuff away and sort myself before i can take a proper break.

a lot of people forget to stop and smell the roses. always trying to get the most out of things and make everything include that grandeur means you miss out on a lot of the small things. just because they're not as extravagant doesn't mean they're inherently any less good. it's nice to always have a little bit of childlike joy and wonder when navigating the world, especially things you do expressly to have fun. why take your free time that seriously? why only focus on an end goal when you can focus on the journey? i find it especially absurd and literal with hiking; what's the point if you can't enjoy the time you spend walking?

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Stalking? That's one way to word it, but I prefer calling it attentive. Like a good partner, I'm simply learning everything about you, my dear.

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We're both insane.

I'm insane for you, you're insane because you think getting 'rid of me' will be easy.

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I've been nothing but obsessive and unhealthy attached to you, and THIS is how you treat me? Wow.

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I do not want to be covert; I do not want to practice restraint. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

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“i dont know if i can do this anymore..” ill slit my wrists in front of you nd feed you the blood if you try to leave me. i will be here forever, ill always exist inside of you, you cant get rid of me. go ahead and try though! >.<

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Someone needs to let ms stalk them. Send them photos of where they have been, leave them handwritten notes, and observe. I want to watch you so much and so long that your brain rewires itself and can tell difference between me watching you and another.

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Sometimes, I want to bash your fucking head into a wall whenever you give them attention. You are mine. MINE! Why are you entertaining them? Knowing I am watching you? Do you take me for a fool?

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Fun date idea!!

Dragging them out into the woods and cracking a metal bat over their head multiple times because they had upset me that day.

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I see my whole life when I look into those pretty eyes of yours, love.

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──── ♡. °·───┈୨୧°.·꒰♰꒱·.°୨୧┈───·°.♡ ─────

please fuck my head up, genuinely brainwash me till i am dizzy and high on you.

hurt me, do whatever you fucking want just remind me it's because you love me and it's because I'm yours.

──── ♡. °·───┈୨୧°.·꒰♰꒱·.°୨୧┈───·°.♡ ─────

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I really want to force myself into your brain. Rip your mind open, sink myself into the crevices and folds of your brain and consume each and every thought of yours. I want there to be nothing but me. I want to etch my name into every place inside you so you're all mine, in every way.

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Always happy to clarify. Communication without clarity is the worst. And ahh dissociating my old frenemy. Feeling out of body is a really bad feeling, especially since for me in particular it only happened when I was remembering my most traumatic memories.

Hope you’ve been well since we last talked as always. That’s fair, we all have different ways of enjoying (or hating) the seasons. I personally like sweating and tanning, though the bugs do admittedly suck. Pollen at least doesn’t usually bother me much by now, it’s really spring that does me in.

Hiking is lots of fun as well! I really enjoy walks, and the reward of a usually cool view at the end is really nice. Nature itself is really interesting to traverse. Exploration is a really interesting track that take with hiking in mind. I think I don’t look at it that way because trails are usually laid out beforehand but I really wish I could look at it that way. I like exploring too, but I only really feel it when I go off trail or just transverse the wild.

can you truly communicate without clarity? at that point you're just talking to someone, not with them.

dissociating isn't something anyone seems to consider a good feeling. it's pretty common for that to be in line with traumatic memories resurfacing too, so no wonder it'd have a negative association. sometimes i'll dissociate for days on end, so it being tied to flashbacks of any sort kind of dies out after a while. it might have a link, but wouldn't be constant. it depends.

pollen isn't normally that bad for me, even in spring (though it is worse); i just don't like too much of it in the air as it leaves me with minor headaches. needless to say i'm not a fan of that. same for the rest, really. sweating, tanning, bugs...none of that sounds good to me. i don't like being stuck in damp clothes, feeling my skin crawl and having to guess if it's just sweat or a bug, nor having to worry about whether something's wrong with my skin every time i go out. either i burn or i get covered in bites, both being a nuisance and discomfort for the following week.

i'd explain hiking pretty much the same way, even the bit about pre-determined trails. i think of it as exploring more in the sense that i get to pick a new trail and see where it leads me. or, if i've already taken that trail, become more acquainted with it and discover new things on it i hadn't noticed before. you don't have to focus on just the trail either, even if you are sticking to it. sometimes pausing just to see what's around you can count as exploring if you let it. it's more fun to go off trail but i do realise it's not necessarily safe to. that doesn't mean you can't appreciate what's around you, and i mean this for more than finding that cool view of everything far off. grandness isn't all there is to admire.

[reveregret]

𖦹࿔ Logically? I think it's great for you to have friends. Healthy connections have positive impacts, therefore sustaining your well being and stability. Personally? I think it's fucking disgusting that other vermin steal your precious attention. Eyes on me.