reveregret - Tumblr blog

[reveregret]

Quickest way to my heart? Stab wound probably.

[reveregret]

it disgusts me that anyone could even think about you freely. i just wanna see their vile brains splattered on the concrete. is that so bad?

[reveregret]

i just need someone that won't leave me

i need to be someone's first choice for once

[reveregret]

I’d take anything you give me. The fact that you worry about if I would enjoy something you would give me is precious. I wish I could tell you that you could punch me in the mouth and I’d writhe on the floor from both pain and bliss while trying to put my teeth back in place.

[reveregret]

[reveregret]

and who can gaze at you as lovingly as i can? who can give you as much as i can? who but me is able to hold you as firmly, yet gently, and piece you back together?

[reveregret]

I want him to want me so bad he'd rather die than be without me.

[reveregret]

[reveregret]

love is real!!!!!! everything is perfect and i've never been so happy!!!! (i finally got a text back after panicking, crying, and wanting to die when they didn't immediately reply)

[reveregret]

update! i reached out to beloved yesterday, and it went very well. we had a really invested conversation and she even initiated contact again today. i'm so happy. i got to talk to her for a few hours and obtain a few more details about her and what she's been up to. she shared it so enthusiastically too; maybe she really does want to keep me in her life. even if i'm still not the closest person to her, we've at least become one of each other's main friends. i just hope that i can mean as much to her someday.

[reveregret]

wouldn't it be so funny if i tried to reconnect by just showing up where she is instead of texting her <3 /j

[reveregret]

i haven't talked to beloved in a while, so i'm going to reach out tomorrow!! our mutual friend told me she's still talking about me and wants to reconnect, so i'm hoping this goes well. i really miss seeing her.

[reveregret]

"how did you get into my house" this, "get away from me" that, whatever happened to a warm welcome?

i took the time to stop by and check in on you; why usher me out so soon? i even brought you gifts. look, it's your favourites!

what do you mean how would i know that? because i love you, obviously.

[reveregret]

Heyyy umm it's g3r4rd5-bl00d pls reblog like actually I'm begging you all I need tumblr to live 🙏

[reveregret]

the good news is that with this particular obsession, i have the option to communicate. while beloved can be difficult to speak with directly, we share a friend they're close with that has been supportive through all of this. of course, i've never admitted anything i would put on this blog, but i've been explaining things closer to the truth over time. so far, it's been no issue. sometimes i worry about that, what would happen if they knew exactly how i felt. i don't think that would be as well-received, but i'm happy that i can be more honest now than i have been able before.

[reveregret]

i try to avoid using this blog sometimes since it's essentially indulging in a bad habit. unfortunately, it doesn't entirely change all that much. especially as of late. i haven't been doing that well and i've noticed the more harmful and delusional mindsets resurfacing. for years, i've been trying to be something beyond this. to be someone of my own and not live through my obsessions. it hasn't worked and the disgust i feel towards myself only grows with the obsessions i've developed. they seem to be more unreasonable as time goes on. i just want to be happy in a healthier way.

[reveregret]