rhodumdndns

[rhodumdndns]

Taena ang weak ko ((ngayon))

[rhodumdndns]

I dont want to rely on myself but

I dont want to rely on myself but I alsos have to pick friends correctly. But it takes so much work to build relationships. But that has been something Ive been wanting for a long time. Urm, I just need to work. I should work with people along the way 

[rhodumdndns]

I’ve been seeing my responsibilities and weaknesses

and I should take action with it. I should make sure to never get back from it. Always be better everyday

[rhodumdndns]

8/24/20 RAIN

R ecognize what emotions you have right now. Be aware of what you're feeling now I’m bored and a bit anxious because I have an exam tomorrow and a homework that I should’ve spent most of my time with. But because of the downward spiral of Youtube and KPOP, I wasn’t able to do it. Delayed gratification is a definite need.  A llow the experience to be there and feel those emotions I nvestigate with interest and care. Understand why you feel this way and what could have caused to feel this way.

The caffeine and lack of time is what caused me to feel anxious right now in finishing my tasks on hand. The calming flow of routines is what I miss and need right now. 

N urture with self-compassion. Understand with what you need right now.

I just need patience and self-discipline. Coming with that self-discipline is the 

[rhodumdndns]

What do I want to become this school year?

What’s a different thing that I will do compared to the previous school years? I will definitely fix my habits more. I need to connect more. Need to work on my wit. Work ethic comes with the good study habits. I need to have experience. I need to strengthen my linkedin (dali na pls wag mo ng hintayin na malamangan ka)

[rhodumdndns]

just G R O W

I feel something is wrong. Abby was just so kind to me and generous in a social way (this is a diary so i dont need to explain) but yeah just keep on going and going. keep on improving. have a good setup. have a good branding. MEET PEOPLE. WAG TAASAN ANG PRIDE. Just keep on evolving and developing your skills and branding. Go focused. Deal with your own crisis in your crisis

[rhodumdndns]

I gotta grind.

I have been such a slack back then. But now, going through reality pushes me to get my shit together. Though I don't feel it, I should force myself to work and grind if I want to achieve the lifestyle that I dream. I dream of going to coffee shops in various places while having a stable income. Whether through blogging or having a passive income. I want it to be also fulfilling so I guess working with clients work well. With that, I need to have a good illustration skill. Work on that branding. It's just hard to have a place for my branding because I don't have an exact physical space but we have to make the most out of it

[rhodumdndns]

I dont want to be rich and intolerance of social issues. Even though, I have dealt with issues related to it, I shouldnt choose to ignore it for the sake of vanity or other purposes. I think I should continue fighting for being rich and being able to be with other people

[rhodumdndns]

weather that made me regret not saving enough money for lps and turntable

I was inspired because I stumbled upon lindseyrem

Because of her I remembered who I want to be. It brought me back to the time where I would collect and print an unnecessary amount of tumblr room and anything i find ~aesthetic at that time. I would just get this zealous amount of drive and focus on finding myself amidst trends and societal pressures

[rhodumdndns]

If there was another chance to live my life again: I would focus on the things I identified that are perfect. i'd focus on long lasting clothes, materials and relationships. Things, materials and relationships that have meaning. I just got to appreciate NCT and I got this appreciation for my friends that used to love NCT and now I know the reason. I'd focus on long lasting personality/brand. Being able to focus on long-lasting and purposeful topics is hard. I just realized it when I felt hopeless because I felt constrained because of this pandemic and how we're kind of suffering because my father can't find a job. For the first time, the thrid world situation of Philippines did not stop me or I made a excuse to sabotage myself but made me want to become resilient. Because once you know that you're biggest possible enemy of teammate is yourself, you have a powerful choice to pick and change your life (OHA CHEESY)

[rhodumdndns]

If there was another chance to live my life again: I would focus on the things I identified that are perfect. i'd focus on long lasting clothes, materials and relationships. Things, materials and relationships that have meaning. I just got to appreciate NCT and I got this appreciation for my friends that used to love NCT and now I know the reason. I'd focus on long lasting personality/brand. Being able to focus on long-lasting and purposeful topics is hard. I just realized it when I felt hopeless because I felt constrained because of this pandemic and how we're kind of suffering because my father can't find a job. For the first time, the thrid world situation of Philippines did not stop me or I made a excuse to sabotage myself but made me want to become resilient. Because once you know that you're biggest possible enemy of teammate is yourself, you have a powerful choice to pick and change your life (OHA CHEESY)

I should lessen on material things. I need to find materials that have deeper connections and gives more utility to me. 

[rhodumdndns]

11:53pm

If I won the lottery, it would be different from my past self: I would want to travel. But since I get to experience realities in life re: financial struggles and living in a third world country, I would spend the money on another way. I would use that money first for me to savour it in a long time, investment, stocks/bonds, business. The moment you realize that you are still alive and breathing after living life to the fullest is unbearable

[rhodumdndns]

‘16

My sister got me an assignment and it’s giving me what I used to be 16 years old. ENgulfing myself in this room, creating, feeling and getting inspired. It’s been a long time. I guess I need this when I have to create. 

[rhodumdndns]

Faith and taking charge of the future

What I learned about myself resorting solely to faith in times of need was back then, I would just dare to jump. Faith is about knowing nothing but still hoping on God. And what I can learn from that is just I relied on the promise and I didn't do anything about it. There were no actions that later I knew were necessary for achieving the grace I've been wanting to. Back then, that persepctive of faith put me in a

[rhodumdndns]

“I don’t want to show myself without knowing myself too much,” that is more like the phrase that I said to my friend on video call explaining why I’ve been MIA. Before the lockdown, I didn’t thought that I would be more quite and MIA than my sophomore year. I guess I can call it a burnout. I watched a philosophical video why burnout matters and although Im emotionally restraint, fortunately I was logical enough to scold myself that I’m having a burnout and I need to listen inward somehow. Back to the call with my friend, I regretted telling that because living in the moment, which includes learning from mistakes and imperfections, is way more important than having it figured it out. Progress is better than perfection. I guess that MIA was necessary to the extent of reducing my intake in social practices and standards I think. But I have to admit that I wasn’t really stopping myself from intaking too much entertainment because I’ve been avoiding something: responsibilities. Starting my LinkedIn profile and connections, creating content, building my skills. I’m practicing my skills in illustrator through org work so that’s a good start. Also, ’m gradually exposing myself to people already through org work. I need to work more. Proving my worth? Yes I guess. I just realized how I’ve been so privileged so I should focus on honing myself instead of just giving money and support to the underprivileged as a way of compensation. I need to work more pero inaavoid responsibilities gad I need to act. 

One thing that was helpful for me was to stop keeping score and just be a valuable player. Become a person gives relief and value. So, I need to work and hone my skills. I need to shoot. 

Di mo alam someone already took that idea. I need to read Big Magic

[rhodumdndns]

underprivilege

Personally, I'm a bunso, so I have a long time numbing experience to reality. I think the steroteype of being the youngest hits me, especially at the time when your parents are more than making ends meet. This is where the usually spends money because they're already financially stable. Ofcourse this is fortunate for any couple, but to the youngest child it can make them not see the hardships before that. They're experiencing the tip of the iceberg. That was who I am when I was young. But the hardship of my father getting work or rejection from college or the reality of college made the rose colored glasses shattered.

[rhodumdndns]

Vacuum

I want to be in a vacuum of inspiration. I know it’s quite insensitive. I want to just focus on creating and being inspired by ambitious people like Audrey Pe is the only way. I need to illustrate and show myself. It doesnt need to be perfect. I have to show my journey. Stop myself from entertaining thing