rickyjamesco

[rickyjamesco]

My 2025 Goals

Attend Therapy

Unfollow Negative Social Accounts

No Social Media On Weekends

Change My Bedding Every Saturday

Say Nice Things To Myself In The Mirror

Teach Myself A New Skill

Learn To Play The Piano

Go For A Hour Or Longer Walk Every Saturday

Save £100 A Month

Drink 2 Litres Of Water Daily

Take My Medication Daily

Cancel Amazon Credit

Cancel Paypal Credit

Create A Workout Routine And Stick To It

Pay Of Credit Card

Listen To A New Artist Every Month

Read A Book Every 3 Months

Attend A Pottery Class

Attend A Glass Blowing Class

Meet 6 New People

Give Up Fizzy Drinks

Give Up Chocolate For A Month

Give Up Sweets For A Month

Eat My 5 A Day Every Day

[rickyjamesco]

New Year, New Friend

I made a new friend; I will refer to him has A.

A and I have been speaking since December 27th privately in direct messages but met in a public discord server on December 25th. We have spoken consistently but It’s been mainly in the evenings when he isn’t so busy. On December 30th I asked him if he would Like to meet and he said yes. Over the coming days we planned to go to London Zoo together and go for dinner.

With somewhat of a plan in place, the day has come to meet A. I’m very excited but extremely nervous. Having Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder and Social Anxiety makes things very difficult. I find it hard to be comfortable outside and I’m always on edge. I’m hypersensitive to the noises and sounds around me and they often become very overwhelming, and I become overstimulated.

I travelled to London Zoo on my own, something that I haven’t done in over 8 years. I try to avoid public transport as much as possible due to how overwhelming planning my journey is, but also to avoid becoming overstimulated. I arrived at Bond Street and made my way to London Zoo on foot via Regent’s Park. I felt relaxed walking through the park and much to my surprise I saw Conan Gray walking in the other direction. I was too nervous to say hello but just seeing him made my day. I hadn’t even met A yet and I was extremely happy.

I get to the entrance to London Zoo and my nerves start to kick in. I know that any moment I will be meeting A at this location. He will be here. My heart was racing, and I could feel myself starting to panic. Is he going to show up? Is he going to be who he says he is? Well, I can say that A is in fact who he said he was! I’m standing there looking to see what direction he will come from. I’m leaning against a planter out front looking left to right, he appears to my right, and I stand up and smile. He smiles back. As we get close, we say hello to each other and go in for a hug. It was a short hug, but boy did it make me feel amazing.

We spent 3 hours walking around the zoo, looking at the animals talking and getting to know each other. Making jokes and laughing together. I felt so at ease in his company. One thing he did that has stuck in my head and I find it extremely sweet is that when we had to go in a specific direction, he would put his hand on my back and gently guide me. It made me feel so warm on such a cold day. After the Zoo we walked to a Lebanese restaurant to get dinner. I’m a fussy eater, but A is Muslim and can only eat Halal meat so I told him to pick a place, and I would find something on the menu to accommodate my needs. As we placed our orders, I offered to pay for both of ours and he refused and said that taking me to the Zoo was a gift from him. I felt so special in that moment that he would want to do that for me. The food was delicious, and I couldn’t stop looking at A, but at the same time I was Becoming overwhelmed and overstimulated. I kept gazing out the window every time something went by, and I felt like he didn’t have my full attention.

As our time together started to come to an end, I started to feel like maybe I had fucked it up already. I’m my head I had done something to make him not like me. Something to make him not want to meet me again. He was a gentleman and walked me to the tube station and waited with me for the train to arrive. We said our goodbyes and had a parting hug. I hope that over the coming weeks I have more stories to share about how things unfold with A.