ritsunaru

[ritsunaru]

got super cute and silly and forgot i usually crosspost my fics to tumblr.. will be doing that later today! three entire new oneshots out :3

[ritsunaru]

I was like everything sucks I hate my body and then I talked to my girlfriend and my parents and cooked myself dinner and ate it and had some little beverages. and now there is joy everywhere in the world

[ritsunaru]

sorry man there’s no other option here. you gotta go in the pringles tube. yeah, i’m gonna close the lid. and, yeah, i will be shaking the tube. Violently

[ritsunaru]

your boyfriend smelled like garlic so i crushed him with my knife and then diced him and fried him in oil. sorry. he still smells good btw

[ritsunaru]

maam your son was being a hype beast in chemistry class today so we had to compress him into a graduated cylinder. your son lives in a tube now 

[ritsunaru]

i could never have a tail because i would be swangin that shit like crazy. ohhh i love this pottery museum theres so many awesome pots. dont pet my head or ill cause millions in damages

[ritsunaru]

thats right. TWO counts of meowing without a licence. AND purring under the influence

[ritsunaru]

damn girl ! I see youre very scared so am i. lets run

[ritsunaru]

they should let us download ibuprofen for free

[ritsunaru]

tenderly pets a link with my mouse to get it to trust me before clicking it

[ritsunaru]

aita for biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you biting you

[ritsunaru]

Are you gonna eat that ---> (nothing left on the plate but crums) (you look backl and im ant)

[ritsunaru]

me: stop starinf at me your making me nervous *blush* *ghiggle*

stapler on my desk: *unmoving*

[ritsunaru]

dw if I die I will still haunt the narrative

[ritsunaru]

Jesse I have to sell you to one direction

[ritsunaru]

new file extension .scary

[ritsunaru]

The haters try to put me in a crate at night