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rkarim360 · 6 years

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Close To You

It was a cold winter’s afternoon in the countryside. We take a closer look at the house right next to the park. Inside there is a gathering of friends, old and new, to watch some football and celebrate the upcoming Christmas holidays together. We go one step further and find one man, sitting alone in his thoughts on this gleeful occasion. His mind a blur, his thoughts stirring in his head, but not of christmas trees and decorations, but of regrets, past mistakes, loneliness, and what seems to be the lack of any substantial emotion. These might be thoughts that his friends and coworkers once shared with him, but as he closes in on himself and becomes a tightly wound book of secrets they will never know the troubles that he finds himself facing. The fire-breathing dragons of remorse and regret and the other demons that lay beneath his subconscious. But after dealing with these demons for years and still standing, he has managed to perfect a visage that will protect his true emotions from those he loves. Let us take a closer look into his psyche during this happy occasion, because tonight is about to change his life forever.

*ominous music begins to play as the view shifts from an overview of the gathering to inside the mind of Rahim as we begin to see everything through his eyes*

He’s all alone! The 30! The 20!! The 10!!! Touchdooooown!!!!!!!

Half of them erupted into cheers, the other half into sneers. They prodded and poked fun at one another, the winners laughed at the losers and the losers came up with excuses for their team’s poor performance. I was in my own little world for a minute there, i wasn’t really paying attention to the game at all. I mean, i usually love to watch football, but recently my heart just hasn’t been in it. I look at my best friends bouncing on the couch and laughing at the girls and guys cheering for the losers. Then he looked at me and i gave a disingenuous and pointed back at him like “YEAH our team is winning and shit”. He was so caught up in the hype that he bought it. Funny thing is, that the game was only in the 3rd quarter, so it could easily go either way at any point. But you gotta get hype at all times to have more fun watching right.

I took out my phone and turned it on. 0 messages. 0 updates. It was dry as hell. So i stuffed it back in my pocket and continued to sit against the wall close to the sofa. I took a deep breath and decided that i need to start enjoying these moments, because it’s not everyday that i get to spend time with all of my best friends from University. Like we all live at different ends of the country. I got to enjoy the little time we have together. So i gave myself this stupid shitty pep talk in hopes that it would pick up my mood, and even though i felt like i was faking it i started to act like i had my shit together. I started to actually participate in getting hype as hell for the game and my anxieties and stress all actually decided to take a backseat for a little while. It was fantastic. I was actually enjoying myself and goofing around and stuff.

It was all going great until at the end of the 3rd quarter. There was this girl sitting on the sofa opposite to my best friend. I hadn’t even noticed her this entire time, but she stood up and looked at me and said “Hey Rahim, you wanna help me make a drink?” I was shocked, i wasnt even sure i knew who this girl was, and i was stunned for a few seconds as she looked over at me invitingly. My best friend’s eyes got wide and he slyly gestured that i go and join her, and with each nod he made it slightly more obvious as if he was whispering in my ear “Damn dude, she’s cute go join her already”.

“Uh, yeah sure” i stammered as i walked over to the dinner table. We sat down and i stared at the wide array of alcoholic drinks as she began to grab and mix drinks as if she was a bartender in her past life. I noticed her silky black hair draped over one shoulder and her glowing tan skin began to shine in the light. She was gorgeous, with her deep brown eyes that were inviting, yet kind.

“Do you want me to make you one?” She said. Wait, what the hell, we sat down like 30 seconds ago and she’s already crafted this dope looking christmas drink.

“No thanks, i don’t drink”

“Oh, i didn’t know that! That’s pretty cool.” She said as she smiled at me. And i swear i could feel the whole room light up.

But then it all stopped. She sat there sipping on her drink, and i could feel my mouth being forced shut as my anxieties started to trickle back into my mind and i couldn’t think of anything to say. All i could think about was, If you put a penguin in a tuxedo would you be able to tell it apart from other penguins? Fuck. It’s fucking happening again. I’m with this girl that is breathtaking, she may be interested in me and i can’t for the fucking life of me think of anything to say.

I made a grumbling sound as i was physically frustrated at my inability to carry a conversation with this cute girl. Then it started to take over. My vision started to disfigure. It’s as if i was losing reception on everything i saw before me. Like a tv that is slowly transitioning to white sound. And all i could hear echoing in the depths of my mind was wow, i don’t even have any game in my own fucking dreams… I started rapidly looking around the room and blinking to restore my sight. I probably looked like a complete moron, so i started to brush my eyes with my hands as if i just yawned.

“Is everything okay? You seem a little quiet” she softly spoke with her elegant voice.

“What? Uh, yeah, everything’s totally fine. Um…” I looked behind her and saw the streetlight shining out in the night lighting up the light snowfall. It was a picturesque scene and before i could even process it i blurted “you want to go outside? Uh, um, i mean do you want to got to the park and, like, walk around or something? It’s up to you” as the words just fell out of my mouth, all jumbled up and filled with anxiety.

“Yeah sure!” She accepted in a cheerful tone. She got up and grabbed my hand as we quietly made our way outside.

The park looked beautiful, there was a single street light glowing onto the snow below and it’s reflection cast a shimmering light. I was entirely caught up in the moment. It was spectacular. One moment we went from quietly drinking, or me watching her quietly drink (boy if i had a dollar for everytime that has happened), to us walking through the snow hand in hand. I still couldn’t wrap my head around how i even got into this scenario in the first place. It was magnificent.

I stopped her underneath the street light and looked at her straight in her beautiful eyes. “Wait” i said as i took a deep breath and began to dig deep. “I’m sorry i’m super quiet and shy…” And as i was talking i could feel a rush of memories flow back into my mind like a wild riptide. I remembered the first time we met, and how i could feel an instant connection. How it was love at first sight, at least from my point of view. How i could never get her out of my mind for weeks, especially during the times that we were never with the same group of people. She was constantly the only girl i thought about and how this moment was the perfect one for me to tell her how i felt.

“… I really like you. I always have, and i never knew how to tell you, or that you would even think about feeling the same way that i do. But, I said it and i mean it. You’re constantly on my mind, but i don’t know how to act around you. I just get so — ” While i was stammering out my feelings mixed with plenty of filler um’s and uh’s she pulled me close and kissed me. It was magnificent. I could feel the entire world light up for those few seconds. It’s as if i could feel the love radiate off of me in flowing pink embers spreading love out to the world. The whole world stopped for a second while i relished in this moment that i wished could last forever. We pulled back, hand in hand and just stared at each other for a full second until she broke the silence.

“I feel the same way about you”. She gave off an adorable shy smile and i had a big goofy grin spread all across my goofy face as my heart was pounding and singing us a love song.

But before we could continue to just spend an eternity staring into each others eyes, a blurry white puff came out of nowhere and smacked me right on the shoulder. It exploded and sent bits and pieces of snow all over the two of us.

“Sorry to ruin the moment but i couldn’t have timed it any better. Wow! If only i got you in the face!” my best friend yelled out as he bent down to pick up some more snow.

“Get behind me!” I yelled in a confident and manly tone i had never used before “i’ll save us!” as it broke into a comical farce of a superhero catchphrase. I shielded her behind me as we laughed out and everyone joined us outside after hearing all of the commotion. We started hurling snowballs at everyone else. It was the two of us against the world. I would purposely jump in the way of any snowball that came towards us to shield her and we both started hurling snowballs at everyone else while yelling crude insults and laughing loudly.

After the snowball fight subsided everyone just stood in their own groups chatting and fooling around in the snow. But i stood right in front of her locked into that stare we shared earlier. This time i leaned in for the kiss and lifted her up in the air. It was like a movie scene, i could feel the camera spin around us as we locked into a kiss that lasted forever. It was eternal, it didn’t feel like this kiss would ever end. It was just as beautiful as the first and just as lovely. I could once again feel the love being spread from us to everyone in the world. Our bond was unmatched, i really did feel like it was love at first sight. We kissed for what seemed like forever, i could feel the years gracefully slip by as i pictured our lives together, our wedding, house, kids and everything in between. Until the kiss ended. The picture i had in my mind slowly started to drip away as i was reminded that i was currently living the greatest moment of my life so far.

After staring into each others eyes she looked at me with a cute gaze. Took a deep breath and softly said “I…”

The vision evaporated from my mind as i woke up in my bed surrounded by my dogs and the sunlight beaming through my bedroom window. It was all a dream. It was all a fucking dream. I thought to myself, as it fucking happened again. I dropped back down onto my pillow and shut my eyes tightly. I tried to replay all of the memories that i had left of that dream. But every time i looked at her i saw nothing. Her gorgeous face and features had been wiped clean. I could not remember for the life of me what she has looked like. The face that had captivated my dream goes missing. It had disappeared from my subconscious and i had woken up completely broken. Not just the fact that this love i thought i experienced was all a fucking sham. But even the fact that this mystery woman that completely controlled my thoughts and made me feel happy once again. She entranced me with her alluring attraction and adorable demeanour but i could not figure out how. I felt the spark between us for some reason, but many moments of the dream are just black holes ripped from the script. Only to be rewritten by the only man who lived them, if you could even call it living, or experiencing. I tried my best to piece together what i can remember. But for the life of me i cannot figure out what about this mystery woman captivated me like this. Was it her looks? Because i cannot picture them. Was it our conversation? Because i cannot remember any of the words we shared together. All i remember is the passionate kisses. The one’s that i wish would never end.

But that really is kinda how i feel about this whole thing. As if i was betrayed by my mind, or left to wander the earth alone unable to recapture this feeling. And it’s not the first time it’s happened either.

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rkarim360 · 7 years

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rkarim360 · 7 years

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Blonde, 1 Year Later

August 20th, 2017 will mark the first anniversary of the album the world was yearning for. An album which saw Frank Ocean, tucked away in London at Abbey Road Studios working 16-hour shifts. Away from the spotlight and music industry, Frank was quietly crafting his sophomore album, Blonde.

Production started after the Grammys where Frank flew in high-profile producers, artists and sound engineers from all over the world to work on the record. These names included French movie composer, Christophe Chassol; multi-instrumentalist Jon Brion and Radiohead’s Jonny Greenwood. The album was recorded internationally in New York, London, Tokyo and Paris and costing over $2 million to create. Every element of the project was meticulously crafted to meet its creator’s vision.

Movie composer, Christophe Chassol on reccording with Frank:

“The guy is smart. He’s really smart. The way he works in the studio is really cool. He has a printer, he has a lot of pictures of architecture, contemporary art, a lot of pictures of different kinds of things. So we start to work on a track and he says, this track is this—that car that you can see. He makes me work on a song, and I’m like, ‘oh this sounds like Pino Donaggio’s score for ‘Blow Out’, by Brian Depalma. I start to work on a song and five minutes later on the pro-tools screen you have the movie, the score, stretched to fit the song—just to try. I’ve never worked with that much money in music. It’s good sometimes to have money because you can try things.” - BBC Radio 6 Music

More than anything, Frank is an artist and at the core of his personality, the only medium he presents himself through is his art and occasional Tumblr posts. A single hard drive, located in his backpack carried Blonde for 4 years. From the sunny mornings of Los Angeles to the gloomy nights of London, Frank went from driving customized BMW E30’s to riding electric bikes to quietly navigate through the city. As everyone waited for his return, Frank would mind his own business. He’d travel to Tokyo and meet RWB founder Akira Nakai and work with Maiham Media, play music in underground clubs in Tokyo, visit the slums of Senegal, visit art exhibitions in LA & Paris, go clubbing in Berlin and attend Boiler Room sessions with A$AP Mob in London.

If Frank’s word was as pure and honest as his music then there’d be a lot less anger and confusion from his fans who were sitting on the edge for years. Multiple updates were briefly given throughout 2014 and a summer release was widely expected but nothing ever flourished:

Frank hinting at a Summer 2014 release, Fall 2013

Swim Good director, Nabil Elderkin, gave the first update in months, Spring 2014

A since-deleted post, Summer 2014

Frank made his first public appearance since the 2013 Grammys at the Time 100 event as well as the 2014 Met Gala where he performed 'Super Rich Kids’ and 'Thinkin Bout You’. The rest of the year consisted of two festivals, Bonnaroo & Pemberton as well as Camp Flog Gnaw which would be his last live appearance until 2017. In November 2014, after appearing on Converse’s 'Hero’ and John Mayer’s 'Wildfire’ Frank would release his first solo song in 2 years on Tumblr titled 'Memrise’ and would appear on Lil B’s Instagram a month later.

RARE photo of LIL B x FRANK OCEAN IN THE STUDIO TOGETHER!! NEW MUSIC COMING SOON! Collect this! - Lil B

In December 2014, Frank’s 2013 'You’re Not Dead’ tour’s visuals were found.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoHEH0ip-0w

On January 17th, Frank uploaded a cover of the Isley Brothers 'At Your Best’ titled 'You Are Luhh to commemorate Aaliyah. Frank heard the song at a party in London and fell in love. The original song featured an acoustic guitar but was removed to allow the song to breathe and be more cinematic. After 4 months of silence, Frank returned to Tumblr on April 6th, 2015 to announce an upcoming project. In what’s now - a notorious picture, he sat on a stool with stacks of magazines and captioned it with “ #ISSUE1 #ALBUM 3 #BOYSDONTCRY” leading media blogs and fans to believe his album was called Boys Don’t Cry. When Frank realized the public misunderstood the caption and thought the album was called Boys Don’t Cry, he altered it. Unbeknownst to the majority, the caption was changed to “#BOYSDONTCRYMAGAZINE”. Frank’s team made a brief statement regarding the name, however, media & fans didn’t pick up on it and still referred to the album as Boys Don’t Cry. In reality, Blonde was unnamed until weeks prior to release.

“I got two versions. I got twooo versions…”

A week later would mark the first time the world came to know about 'Nikes’. A behind-the-scenes picture was leaked online.

Much of 'Nikes’ has scenes at a party. That party was in London.

As weeks went on, information about the music video slowly started to unravel. From the director of the video to one of the models.

The 'Nikes’ music video was found listed in director Tyrone Lebon’s resume.

Model Vasilla Forbes confirmed her involvement on Instagram

In April of that month, James Blake caused a stir when he announced that Frank would be going on tour with him and 1-800-Dinosaur in London. As the event began, Frank was indeed in attendance however he was only there to document the London night-life rather than play music which upset many people.

James later cleared the air

In May 2015, Frank created Snapchat. His account name is 'arealglitterboy’

This would be his first and only post

Later that month, a mysterious playlist was found on his SoundCloud titled 'states’

Nothing would ever come out of this

As July 2015 approached, neither the album or the magazine came to fruition. However, merch was discovered hidden in Frank’s websites code. It featured hoodies, shirts and shoes. Neither the shoes or clothes have been released.

As the eyes of the world were trying to find Frank, he was across the world in Japan still working, without a single update, interview or a comment from his representatives. Frank spent much of the year in Tokyo living in hotels and driving Porsches. The alternate cover of Blonde, as well as much of the writing, was completed in Tokyo (Production mostly in London and New York).

Frank pictured with photographer Michael Mayren, Tokyo, 2015

Frank pictured at the Fuji Speedway shooting the album cover, Oyama, 2015

Blonde’s alternate cover

One of Frank’s favorite movie is Sofia Coppola’s 'Lost in Translation’ which took place in Tokyo. Both Bill Murray and Scarlett Johannson’s characters stayed at the Park Hyatt Hotel in Tokyo. Much like Bill and Scarlett, Frank stayed at the Park Hyatt during his time in Tokyo.

Frank at the Park Hyatt Tokyo hotel, Tokyo, 2015

In August of 2015, Frank was spotted at a photoshoot most likely for the Boys Don’t Cry magazine.

Frank is seen wearing unreleased merch here

Near the end of 2015, Frank moved back to London and spent a lot of time with A$AP Mob. Frank would frequently visit underground clubs and became a local favorite amongst the town.

Frank at the Boiler Room, London, 2015

In November, Frank was spotted working with London-based electronic singer-songwriter Khushi

Kushi was not credited on either Blonde or Endless

As 2015 neared its end, a tweet by producer A-Trak caught the attention of media and fans.

With Frank’s love for cars well known, many thought that this would be a Frank song (correctly). The song title was linked back to a picture Frank posted on Tumblr a year prior.

Fans noted the “RARI” near Frank’s shoulder to surely indicate the song being his.

In December, a track named 'Drive In’ was found on producers resume:

The video is yet to be released. The company that made 'Drive In’ is the same one that made 'Nikes’. Somesuch & co is Tyrone Lebon’s company.

In January 2016, a Snapchat leaked which showed Frank in the middle of a photo shoot:

Private photo shoot, New York, 2016

After months of reclusiveness, Frank appeared at Kanye West’s listening party in Madison Square Garden in February 2016.

Frank would also feature on The Life of Pablo in his first feature since Beyonce’s track 'Superpower’

The first peek of new music came in February 2016 when music from a secret listening party was leaked online. This would mark the first time anyone would hear new original music since 2014’s 'Memrise’. All the tracks heard would be featured on 'Endless’ 6 months later. These tracks were 'U-N-I-T-Y’ 'Comme Des Garcons’ and 'Higgs’.

In March 2016, Malay gives an update to Pitchfork:

In April 2016, producer Malay Ho went on Periscope to give an update stating:

“Frank is coming back soon, real soon..He’s coming back real soon, and when he does, shit will get wild…”

Frank, James Gadson and Malay, Los Angeles, 2016

A couple weeks later, a model uploaded this picture to their Instagram which appeared to be an email from Frank’s stylist to them.

The email confirmed that Frank would be featured in the F/W cover story for Arena Homme. The video in New York is referencing to 'Endless’ and it’s interesting to note that the stylist does not refer to it as an album but rather a “short film / extended song”

This was screenshotted from a model’s Snapchat. The Arena Homme project has yet to be released.

In May 2016, James Blake released his album 'The Colour in Anything’ and stated that Frank was a major influence. In the liner notes, it was revealed that James had interpolated an unreleased Frank Ocean track named 'Godspeed’.

Godspeed was eventually featured on Blonde

“It’s an interpolation of a song that he wrote that hasn’t come out yet,” Blake notes. “It was nice of him to let me use it.” Credits for the album identify the track as “Godspeed,” which Ocean hasn’t released and which Blake says “may or may not” appear on the singer’s next album. “We did” work on other music together, adds Blake, “but I can’t [share any details] because I don’t know any. Nobody knows. You could probably talk to almost anybody involved in that record and I’m not sure anybody would be able to tell you what’s happening.” But he says what Ocean has played him sounds phenomenal: “He is going to make people very happy.” - James Blake, Entertainment Weekly

In June 2016, Frank was spotted with A$AP Ferg

This was included in the 'Places + Faces Magazine’, London, 2016

Frank was a part of the Calvin Klein SS16 collection and on July 5th, he was featured in his first video appearance since the 2014 Met Gala Interview.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6r7a17NBSI

Frank at the Calvin Klein after party, Los Angeles, 2016

The code found on Frank’s CK profile hinted at an upcoming album and novel

In July 2016, Frank’s site 'Boysdontcry.co’ (now blonded.co) was updated after one year and featured a library card with the title 'Due Date’.

July went by with no announcements or updates.

On August 1st, Frank’s website was updated and featured a black and white warehouse. An Apple logo was seen on the top right.

Apple Music tweeted to confirm their involvement.

To fully recap the lead up to Endless, I suggest watching this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srP6nOjK1kc

On August 5th, pages from the magazine were leaked online by a Tumblr user:

What felt like an eternity, 19 days later, Frank Ocean was done the staircase and decided it was time to release his visual project Endless on Apple Music exclusively.

Apple tweeted out the link to the 45 mintue visual album

Many were confused whether or not this was the long awaited follow up to Channel ORANGE but a rep from Apple Music confirmed that there’d be more Frank content over the weekend. At 3 am EST, the long awaited 'Nikes’ music video was finally released on Apple Music.

The video directed by Tyrone Lebon was released 1 year and 4 months after the initial BTS picture.

Nikes VIdeo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fshgBDgtfRg

As the sun rose on August 20th Frank posted a picture highlighting the 4 cities where a pop-up store would open:

LA, New York, Chicago & London

4 shops in 4 cities were filled with Boys Don’t Cry posters and magazines

The pop-up shops gave away Frank’s Boys Don’t Cry magazine for free. The 3 covers included acid, helmet and a pop-up exclusive, shower cover.

The magazines included a copy Blonde.

At approximately 5 PM EST, the long awaited album by Frank Ocean, Blonde, was released through Apple Music.

The album was critically acclaimed and appeared on many year-end lists. The music industry responded to the release immediately with many artists in total awe. Here are some of the reactions:

A year later, the amount of influence Blonde has had on the industry is apparent in some of the biggest releases since it came out.

James Blake talks about the influence 'Blonde’ had on his album

Lorde Says Frank Ocean’s 'Blonde’ Inspired Her Album 'Melodrama’

Kendrick Lamar on how 'Blonde’ inspired 'DAMN’.

Lil Yachty on what albums influence him:

Tyler, The Creator talks about the beauty of Blonde:

Frank Ocean with Michael Mayren, Tokyo, 2016

The true artistry in Endless and Blonde lies in the little amount of information which was made public. Frank Ocean vanished from the face of the Earth to the rainy pavilions of London where he’d spend much of his time writing and driving. He’d walk down Shibuya just soaking in the culture and mastery of the Japanese. A little hard-drive housed the album the world was waiting for and Frank, well Frank didn’t care what the world was waiting for. He was going to move at his own pace, at his own will. It was said that he’d wake up in the middle of the night full of panic, knocking on his neighbor’s door and inviting them to listen to his music to hear their comments. Frank was on a mission to create the best possible project he could. To Frank, Blonde was more than just an album, it was a chance to relive the 29 years of his life. From experiencing his first love to the acceptance of letting them go, Frank steers Blonde in a direction that’s rich with content, honesty, and vulnerability. Blonde feels authentic, it’s dreamy and spacey. A project that’s built on the foundations of tragedy and backed by real emotions. 1 year later, Blonde has pushed the boundaries. It has reminded us that sometimes, less is more.

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rkarim360 · 7 years

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Close To You

*ominous music begins to play as the view shifts from an overview of the gathering to inside the mind of Rahim as we begin to see everything through his eyes*

He’s all alone! The 30! The 20!! The 10!!! Touchdooooown!!!!!!!

“Do you want me to make you one?” She said. Wait, what the hell, we sat down like 30 seconds ago and she’s already crafted this dope looking christmas drink.

“No thanks, i don’t drink”

“Oh, i didn’t know that! That’s pretty cool.” She said as she smiled at me. And i swear i could feel the whole room light up.

“Is everything okay? You seem a little quiet” she softly spoke with her elegant voice.

“Yeah sure!” She accepted in a cheerful tone. She got up and grabbed my hand as we quietly made our way outside.

“I feel the same way about you”. She gave off an adorable shy smile and i had a big goofy grin spread all across my goofy face as my heart was pounding and singing us a love song.

“Sorry to ruin the moment but i couldn’t have timed it any better. Wow! If only i got you in the face!” my best friend yelled out as he bent down to pick up some more snow.

After staring into each others eyes she looked at me with a cute gaze. Took a deep breath and softly said “I…”

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rkarim360 · 7 years

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Beach is better

It’s a really odd and ethereal feeling when you look at yourself in the mirror. You get this bland expressionless face staring back into your soul. The dead eyes following your every move, thinking the same thoughts performing the same actions. That reflection looked exactly the same over the flowing glistening water at the beach. The shallow waves crashing and descending back into the ocean as the ripples disfigured my reflection, all apart from my eyes. Giving me that same disappointing stare I seem to sport every now and again, and by every now and again I mean almost all the time now.

The sand feels nice and cool on my legs as I stare endlessly at the abyss that my reflection consists of. I grow tired of looking at this bland and tired face that stares back at me so I reach into the water and swish and splash my hands around hoping to distort it enough that it doesn’t return. When I touch the water the cool blue water seeps into my pores and I feel endless for a second. The soft ocean grabs a hold of my hand as I lather it in the water. The sun beaming down creating a streak of glowing water that is almost as clear as a mirror. I can see my hands through this sunbeam. And as I continue to swish my hand through my reflection my face distorts, my eyes do not move, but my smile. My smile. For a second I could swear that my expressionless lips gave way to a brief smile for a second and it looked absolutely incredible. For a second I could almost reach and grasp at the happiness that was in this glowing water. But when I removed my wet hand from the water the reflection fixed itself back to its original position.

I sat down and instead of fixating on my reflection I just decided to take in the reflection of the sun on the glowing sea. The water was a deep blue that glowed through a streak of sun that parted the sea down the middle. It was picturesque. I tried to draw this view in my mind so that I would never forget the breathtaking landscape before me. But I couldn’t. While I was trying to take in this glorious view I could see the sun setting and a cold wind blowing in from the west. The water started to shimmer and instead of glowing a deep blue it began to turn white.

I jumped back to my knees and tried to look at my reflection in the water. Nothing. There was nothing to be seen. I quickly reached down to touch the water but was met with a cold icy surface.

A chill was sent rocketing up my spine as I sat in this cold endless ocean surrounded by never ending darkness. There was nobody around me. In front was the iced wasteland, and in every other direction was darkness. I looked at the ground and saw myself kneeling in a small patch of sand. But I could not see what was a few feet away from me. I was floating on a patch of sand.

The sand then started to rise pebble by pebble. Until I could feel myself also rising. Rising slowly off the ground as if I were being abducted. Higher and higher I began to rise until I could not even see the ice, or the sand that was previously around me. There was just nothing. Empty bleak darkness. I couldn’t even tell if I was still rising. Until everything stopped. I felt as if I was finally not moving anymore, but still floating in this empty landscape, tethered by nothing but gravity I guess.

Suddenly I felt as if a trap door underneath my collapsed as I started to fall for what seemed like minutes. Continuously falling through this darkened abyss unable to tell where I was headed.

The speed I was falling continued to rapidly speed up. I was losing my grip on reality, I looked down at my hands but could only see blurs, the darkness was consuming my vision.

I couldn’t see anything anymore. I couldn’t even tell if I still had my limbs, if I was still able to feel anything besides my descent. My thoughts started to become sparser and fade away with the rest of my existence.

Nothing was left.

***

The sun started to rise and create a glimmering effect on the water as it shone a light blue tint and the waves started to grow in excitement--

Here it is. Another weird pseudo deep story that doesnt make any sense with the typical rap song as a shitty title. But hey, i’m finally getting back into the groove of writing I guess. Because this is the first complete story i’ve written in a year i think. I havent been doing much since then besides listening to Blond over 1000 times, and getting about 1000 more twitter followers on my other account (that’s a secret though). Oh, and the usual, being sad, getting curved, listening to sad music. Y’know the Rahim experience ha ha. Well, i hope you enjoyed this.

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rkarim360 · 8 years

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The Book of Karim

(If you didnt already notice (because i guess its not that obvious) the title of this reading thingy is named after a song “The Book Of Soul” which i hiiighly recommend you listen to because its sad and about love and stuff.)

(also, if you want some music to go along with this i recommend 4 songs. I Remember by the roots (GREAT BAND), Suicidal Thoughts By Biggie (it may be sad as hell but its still an incredible song), Grand Finale by Mac Miller (i was a Mac Miller hater back in the day because i thought he only made frat raps, but he is easily becoming one of my favourite) and Thank You by Jay Z (i mention some of the lyrics at the end.... ENJOY!!.... But, not like too much, because then that would be super weird.)

So, it's currently 3:01 am on a friday, well saturday if we’re being technical and i'm now 6 days from my last day at nipissing. This will probably read horribly because my mind is in a jumble and i can barely feel my fingers after walking home for 45 minutes from a friends house. I’ve had a lot on my mind during this walk and over the past few weeks after revealing the news about my departure from Nipissing University so here goes a bunch of horribly depressing and very sad and cringeworthy thoughts that i have compiled, that are all terrible and way too revealing, but since i probably wont see 95% of you again, fuck it i guess.

First off i want to thank all of my friends and everyone that i have met here from the bottom of my heart. It really means a lot how much everyone has done for me, even if i barely knew you, i can guarantee that you still had a large impact on my life, because i can obviously never let anything go and stuff. I have never felt like i really belonged anywhere, in high school i had friends in multiple social circles, but was ultimately never really close with anyone. I never revealed my feelings towards anything emotionally, i was a very closed off person. At nipissing i gained plenty of friends that are greatful, well, more like happy i'm their friend. Especially, because of how happy i am to be their friends. I have become close, emotionally (get your minds outta the gutter), with plenty of people which is something i'm still working on, and simultaneously never done before. In first year getting my to reveal anything about how i'm feeling was like pulling teeth. It was a horrible experience that to this day i'm not sure how to go about. I constantly feel like i'm a robot. I never cry during movies, or most sad things to be honest. I don't know really why that is but it's something that i'm working on i guess. Over the years i just became incredibly good at repressing my emotions, my anger, my sadness and everything else. It came to the point where i couldnt even see my own emotion on my face. When i looked at myself in the mirror all that stared back were some dead emotionless eyes.

As sad as i am that i am leaving i have never really showed anyone my true feelings about the matter. I can tell people that i'm sad, or that it's horrible news, but i cannot show that. I can joke about it, or laugh at myself, but it's all a coping mechanism to cover up the fact that most of the time i absolutely hate being myself. The real reason that i'm not returning has nothing to do with money, but it's entirely my fault. It's the fact that i don't care, and that i'm too lazy, and that i have no drive to succeed at anything whatsoever. I havent always been this way, but since about the start of highschool i just lost all drive to succeed. I gave up. I constantly give up at everything and move on to something else. I always pick the easiest way out. I am always to blame for everything. I mean, i'm pretty sure that i'm depressed, but i don't want to face the truth. I don't want to believe this. I just want to hope that there is some magic cure out there that i'm missing. I want someone to come into my life that will drastically change the way i look at things and find some way, or somehow to change my point of view and restore me back to my childlike sense of passion and drive to my goals or being a doctor or a lawyer or something. Take me back to when i wanted to do something with my life. Back to before i was desensitized by television and movies and music and just about everything. As bad as my second year of university was, constantly wallowing in self-pity and loneliness. I slowly became better at covering it up. I would don a mask, covering my cloudy thoughts and rapidly changing emotions. It was always a facade. I didnt want to be alone so i surrounded myself with people, which just resulted in me being lonely in a large group. I didnt want to do anything, i just wanted to feel like shit and thats about it. Thankfully i slowly got over that. I still have not fully recovered, so to speak, and do have waves of lonely feelings every now and then, but thanks to my friends i am able to overcome this. (but just to clarify, i am not failing courses or anything, my parents just think it would be in my best interest to stay at home and focus on my studies from there).

As bad as last year was for me. This year has been incredibly crazy emotionally. I have had to deal with some incredibly large emotional obstacles and sad moments that came from absolutely out of nowhere and if not for my friends i don't know if i would even still be here right now---

Took

Bunch

Stuff

Out last minute. That was about this long because it was much to depressing. #OhWell

Now, in terms of being lonely and being in love Nipissing was a bit of a crazy wild adventure of sorts. I constantly fell in and out of “love” with multiple people, and i still kinda am with some. I spent days, weeks or even years hung up on girls that wouldnt give me the time of day, or that skirted around it, or that might not even know it yet. Of course, i would like to keep it that way. THis isnt some movie where the protagonist confesses his feelings towards his crush because he mustered up the courage after the fact that he may never see her again and then she reveals her mutual feelings and they fall in love happily ever after or some shit. I feel like the feeling wont be mutual 100% of the time, and that spoiling the releationship that we currently have would ruin everything. I want you to remember me however you do, not in a way that reminds you that i was once infattuated with you, or that i was drooling and head over heels or something. I don't want to spoil whatever friendship that we currently have with one another. If we were close, i definitely don't want to lose that over some stupid shit. But of course, for this even to happen i would have to confess my feelings, and if you know me that is something that has never happened. In the 21 years (yeah, i know i'm old), that ive been alive I havent had many firsts (which is why it's so difficult to beat me in never have i ever), ive had my first kiss, and my first date (absolutely horrible expereince btw, but thats a whole different story not even worth getting into). Ive never personally, like in person, confessed my feelings for anyone. Ive of course, been a huge pussy, or asshole or whatever adjective you would like to use, and asked girls out over text because i don't really know how else to do it. And as you can see, it's worked out incredibly well. So apart from my next-to none experience with girls, and being very awkward around everyone and not being able to really hold proper and sensible conversations with attractive people i just shy away and just avoid any confrontation and keep my mouth shut, because if someone thinks i'm smart i don't want to prove them wrong.

But one of the many things that ive learned over my time here is, contrary to everything ive jsut spouted out, is that everyone needs to find a way to vent, or to let off some steam. That mostly is hanging out with friends and stuff . And most importantly never leave anything inside, if you have feelings for someone or strong feelings about something, talk to your friends first and see if it's the right decision, or just take matters into your own hands. I spent 3 years here sad quite often because i couldnt figure out a proper way to articulate my feelings. I thought pointless and broad/unspecific tweets about my emotions could get that across, but of course thats idiotic. The truth will set you free right? Teeling people what they really mean to you, even if it's not romantically but just elaborating on your feelings is great and integral. On my last night out to a bar i had a bit of a heart-to-heart with one of my best friends here. He was venting to me about how much he is really going to miss having me around, and we were both maybe getting a bit choked up. He was sad and so was i (i just wasnt showing it) and i really wanted to tell him how important he has been to these past few years and how much i truly enjoy our friendship but i couldnt really push myself to do it. So i guess ill just discuss that a bit later.

[Ok, it's now 3:30. Ive spent around half an hour writing this straight through without taking away anything or adding anything in between. This is just my thoughts and how i was feeling after having a bipolar (don't even know if that is a good word choice, but whatever) evening.

I will most likely add more as the days pass because i have had a lot on my mind and have been slowly planning out what i should have written. But of course and the day went on and as the night fell that quickly changed and i just vented about my odd experiences and the friendships that i will never forget, because these friendships are everything to me and something that i will treasure for the rest of my life. ] Of course i eventually edited some things and added a few sentences in between but the idea still somewhat stands.

I feel like ive vented enough and said enough important things and my brain is almost empty at this point. So next up on our boring agenda (if you actually made it this far. I mean, i'm not really expecting it but whatever) is something ive thought about doing for a few weeks. I wanted to attempt to thank all of my closest and most important friends and try and remember the first time we ever met. I reeeeaaaalllllly hope i didnt forget anyone, and some people i may do in groups and in a completely random order so don't get mad if you’re last or something. And if i forgot someone or anything like that let me know and ill text you or something idk.

First off. The guy i was talking about a few paragraphs back. He is a super nice guy and one of the guys i was happy to be friends with. He was a great DD on multiple occasions and just an all around great guy. I don't exactly remember the first time we met, because it could have been in first year but the furthest back i can remember is when we were on general council together last year. You made that, along with my entire third year a joy and lots of fun while also saving me tons of money. I have been worried about your physical and emotional health since the start of the year because this has been a pretty hard year for you. I am kinda worried about you because of all of the shitty things you had to go through this year, and if you ever need to talk about any of it i'm here for you man. I mean, it's the least i can do, honestly.

The man who threw my surprise party. An incredible drinker, and beer pong player ive known since my second year. I don't exactly remember the first time we met but i imagine it was at a party and we played lots of beer pong together and went to the zoo afterwards or something. You had a tough time last year with relationships and stuff and i'm glad that everything has worked out and you are much happier now. I just hope that you don't go fucking it all up ;). Thanks for being a great dude who is also super funny and nice. I really hope we can still hang out over the summer and stuff! Thanks for everything!

You lived on my floor this year and we i saw you for the first time at the govs floor event thing before frosh week, becasue i remember you loudly saying “suck my ass” and it completely caught me off guard. But it was also hilarious as fuck. And the fact that we became friends through matching with a friend on tinder, looooool, now thats something i wont forget! Thanks for always being a great friend and being a great turn-up partner. Because it was always awesome going to the wall with you! And i really appreciate the texts that you send me a few weeks ago about the fact that i'm leaving and stuff. It means a lot.

Next up are three, well, it used to be four i guess? Girls that lived on my floor last year. I remember moving in on a tuesday last year (a few days late) because of complications and stuff and i dragged Andrew away from his ball and chain (previous gf lol) and we went to a res party because after months of doing nothing i was amped up. We went to some random party where a bunch of girls on our floor were coincidentally attending. I remember Jason was playing beer pong and stuff and one of the first things i said to andrew was “wow, we have a lot of attractive girls on our floor” yeah, i was cringy and stuff. But i got to know these girls over the course of 2 years and they turned into some great friends that i'm lucky to have! So, thanks for the predrinks and the laughs I hope to see you all again someday!

My lightskin beer pong buddy from first year. You all know him for his dance moves and great beer pong skills. I am glad to have known you since first year, because you are a great friend. Loads of fun to hang out with and i am sad that we might not hang out or turn up for some time, since you live really far away, but ive appreciated the many nights we spent at the club and stuff. And hopefully you can find a better wingman next year, because tbh it's not gonna be very difficult. I never really helped at all lol.

Another girl that lives on my floor this year. I think the first time we met was probably similar to the first time i met your roommate, or it could have been when we all went to the quarry. I barely remember anymore. But i am glad to have known you because you are hilarious and dating one of my best friends. I'm glad you upgraded lmao. Thanks for all of the fun and the laughs and i hope that we stay close.

Next up is the social chair or something. We most likely met during general council last year, but i mostly remember the time that we (along with a few others i think) watched workaholics and ate KD after the bar. It was pretty legendary. I will never forget your corniness and your lame dance moves, but surprisingly good taste in music and tv shows. You were always incredibly nice ad hoped for the best for me and ill always appreciate that. Good luck with your future relationships and stuff and thank you for everything.

CHEEEF KEEEEF. The one dude who’s dance moves i idolize. I remember the first time i met you after i moved in during second year. You were a great dancer then and you are an even better dancer now. I also vividly remember you saying that you didnt drink. How times have changed huh, loooooooll. But, i'm incredibly greatful for our friendship and i cannot wait until the summer so we can constantly turn up over and over again. Thank you for everything dude, seriously. It was a pleasure getting to know you.

Oh boy, writing these specific ideas and stuff in one sitting was a horrible idea, i should be studying for my exam lol.

The only girl i know that listens to Frank Ocean and Tyler the creator and stuff. You have dope taste in music and tv shows and stuff. You are a great friend, and you send some hilarious snapchats. I'm thankful i got to know you over last year and more so in my third year. I remember the first time we met was at a TRC party and you introduced yourself and you kept telling me “there is a way to be good again” (from the kite runner) over and over again pretty much every time you saw me when you were drunk and it was pretty funny…. Like the first time, and maybe the second .. But you are a great friend and super funny and weird and i'm glad i got to know you!

We had many friends in common but really only hung out during Eric’s birthday. You constantly complimented me and stuff and i appreciate it. You are an incredibly nice and genuine person i wish i could have got to know better.

I remember you from my first year here. You were currently a don, of like second floor or something like that if i remember correctly. You have always been a happy and exciting person that is inspiring with the running and the incredible athleticism! You are an incredible dancer and i dont think ive told you that enough! I do remember you complimenting me on my dancing at the moose once, but you are truly the better dancer. Thank you for everything!!

Now, i don't remember the first time we met, but i do remember you as being someone who would wash dishes at a predrink when they were really drunk, and would compliment me on a movie i recently recommended. You were always super crazy and funny and stuff. And i'm glad i got to know you.

The 2nd floor girls. You all lived below nick and i only really got to know all of you this year but i'm glad i did. You are all super nice, and i had a great time hanging out with you guys. Whether it was setting up a surprise party for me and baking cupcakes, or sharing our mutual hatred of taylor swift, or just walking to Mcdonalds very late at night. I had a great time hanging out with all of you and i'm glad we got to know each other.

The only other brown dude that goes here. It's been awesome hanging out with you. Whether getting over girls and stuff together or jamming out to some Drake at the club i'm really glad i got to know you because you are one of my best friends here. It was awesome getting to know you since first year. I hope we still stay in touch and jam out over the summer. It's been super great dude.

I remember the first time we met was on Residence formal committee in my second year. You were always so incredibly cheery and happy it lit up the room! Until i learned that you used to suffer from depression, i believe, and how you overcame it to become such a happy person is such a great and inspiring story! I am incredibly happy for your change and happy that we became friends! Also, sorry about making 1000s of jokes in Mike’s room about the picture with Meghan thingy lol.

We met in first year, and my first memory of you (even though you probably don't remember) was during frosh week when you were pretty drunk and challenging everyone to a dance contest. Me and Caleb found that absolutely hilarious. But over the course of 3 years we got to know each other better, whether it was bonding over the greatness of the Ignition Remix, or getting sushi or tearing up the dance floor it was great knowing you and i hope we can still turn up over the summer!

Last but not least (i hope) one of my best friends. I remember the first time we met was in first year and you were playing beer pong fairly lit, with your horrible dance moves (back then) and your awful fauxhawk, or mohawk or whatever. It is just a hilarious image i cant ever get out of my head. And whether it was talking about girl issues, or just bonding over our mutual Drake fandom or just arguing about stupid things in general i am super glad that we are friends. You are one of my best friends and it has been an absolute pleasure to know you. Thanks for everything and i hope that we turn the f up on multiple occasions over this summer!!!

So, this entire thing has been a bit rushed but i hope that i got the majority of my point across i guess.

Ive been incredibly introspective these past few days, hoping to finally get this done and post it and stuff. Trying to get it perfect, while also putting in the least amount of work as possible (just like everything school related lol). So, while i'm sitting here eating dried cereal and pop tarts an hour before i move out i just want to write some final words.

I honestly want to thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart for everything. My time at Nipissing has been short of fantastic. I truly hope i didnt get on your nerves, or take a joke to far or anything like that. If i did i'm sorry. And to those people i may never see again. Good luck with your future and have fun next year. I have never really been this emotional about anything so this is all a little weird for me, so i hope i don't come over as super weird or something idk.

I hope that i can still keep in contact with all of you. And, i'm basically always free so feel free to drop me a message on facebook or a text or anything. It will make my day and i would be glad to answer it!

And if you don't feel like messaging me on Facebook for whatever reason, you can ask “anonymous questions” and stuff here, so you can always utilize that.

Finally, i want you all to know that i will still be here for you guys, and if you ever want to vent or ask for advice or anything please message me. I’ve been told i give great advice. And have even been told that I “give great relationship advice for someone who has never been in a relationship” ha ha ha ha ha.

Well, thank you all for somehow taking the time to read this drivel. It's been semi hard getting through myself so i understand if you stopped early and stuff. Have a fucking awesome summer and i hope to see all of you sometime in the future.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, you're far too kind

Hold your applause, this is your song not mines

“...And if i dont see you, Good Afternoon, Good Evening and Good Night.” (its from the Truman show..)

Peace out Nipissing its been kinda dope.

-Rahim/R-Heezy/Hard R/ The Jukebox/Not Kunal/ That other Brown guy/Ew/Varun/Rahim Karim

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rkarim360 · 8 years

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i'm not even gonna say rest in peace because it’s bigger than death. i never met the man (i was too nervous the one time i saw him) and i never saw him play live, regrettably. i only know the legends I’ve heard from folks and what i’ve heard and seen from his deep catalog of propellant, fearless, virtuosic work. my assessment is that he learned early on how little value to assign to someone else’s opinion of you.. an infectious sentiment that seemed soaked into his clothes, his hair, his walk, his guitar and his primal scream. he wrote my favorite song of all time, ‘when you were mine’. it’s a simple song with a simple melody that makes you wish you thought of it first, even though you never would have - a flirtatious brand of genius that feels approachable. he was a straight black man who played his first televised set in bikini bottoms and knee high heeled boots, epic. he made me feel more comfortable with how i identify sexually simply by his display of freedom from and irreverence for obviously archaic ideas like gender conformity etc. he moved me to be more daring and intuitive with my own work by his demonstration - his denial of the prevailing model...his fight for his intellectual property - ‘slave’ written across the forehead, name changed to a symbol... an all out rebellion against exploitation. A vanguard and genius by every metric I know of who affected many in a way that will outrun oblivion for a long while. I’m proud to be a Prince fan(stan) for life.

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rkarim360 · 8 years

Text

Bad News

I wrote this all in basically one sitting. Just a surge of emotions and such regarding the... bad news. Hence the title (its also the name of a song). So here goes..............................

I came to this school about 3 years ago, as a shy nervous skinny brown kid. I moved in with a typical stoner who writes poems and plays guitar, and a short kid with a buzz cut who looks like a hockey/football douchebag and a 3rd roommate that didn't show up. Surprisingly the bald guy became my best friend. The 3 of us lived together for a couple of days until moved in my next roommate a grunge metal possible stoner and video game nerd who also became my best friend. Of course these are very stereotypical descriptions of my roommates just to paint a picture of my first possible reactions since i don't really remember them anymore. These dudes were great. Together i shared some incredible moments, we went to parties destroyed everyone at beer pong or on the dance floor. I had people talking about my sober beer pong skills or i had people chant my name after dancing on tables. Shit was crazy. First year was definitely a wild experience. I will never forget my first day until the day i die. I went to my first party with a bunch of really nice and attractive girls on my floor that i got to know through my surprisingly outgoing pothead roommate. We went to some random res party with super loud music some random asian dude offering everyone shots every few minutes since he constantly forgot he previously offered them. I got my first taste of flip cup and drinking games. I had my first taste of how thirsty some guys can actually get. It was definitely something i was not used to. Thank god my roommates were fairly decent people and we got out scott free, until we went to the school club where i stood around with my best friend while we wondered what we were supposed to do. Whereas now I'm the one leading people to the dance floor and dancing like nobody is watching.

Over the years i wish i could say that I've changed, mostly I've just grown accustomed. I haven't really changed in my thoughts I'm still a vulgar piece of shit, but you would never guess. Im still a sensitive douchebag who believes he will find the one. I am still a shy as fuck… well you get the picture. I want to believe that I've changed, but I'm still the same guy just with a little more knowledge, but by a little i mean like a fraction. I know a bit more how to deal with shit… and thats about it. I spent my three years here taking months, or even years to get over girls. Thats pretty much the extent of my time here. There was the odd time where i was truly happy without a care in the world, and those are the moments that i will never forget. But besides that every single night blends together in a mash of depression flashing lights loud music and all of that shit. Some days sad music was all i listened to. I tweeted sad shit that i may still believe but still cringe at. I never wanted to leave my room i just wanted to be alone, when in fact thats not what i wanted at all, even though i knew that. You will find what you are looking for when you stop looking is something that is tossed around now and again. I never really understood that sentiment and i still don't think that i will, but i hope i do someday. Ive heard of people that found their perfect match when they stopped looking. I don't really understand how that could be possible, but it happened and i guess I'm hoping for that but i won't stop looking. I spend my life waiting for everything else fall into my lap, but i can't fathom how love can.

Anyways i guess i might be getting off track.

From my first day at university i was like 1of 2 brown first years that i know of, and in our own way we both managed to be very well known people. He went on to be known by just about every living breathing person here and i managed to find a fairly close knit group of friends that i feel like i could trust for anything.

I wish i could say that i wouldn't change this shit for the world, but there are plenty of things i would change. I would have stopped chasing you or i would have grown some balls, or i would have tried harder or studied more, or changed my major, or given a shit or an extremely long list of stuff that i would change. But hey, thats life right? making a long fucking list of decisions hoping that at the end of the night you won't regret the majority of them. I always wish that i did more or that i said more or something because i am hoping that there is another life of mine where i am completely happy all of the time. Im not saying that I'm sad all of the time or that I'm not happy, but i just want more. There are some days when I'm walking through the halls or I'm just doing shit and i notice some girls that are just so attractive it makes me sad, y'know? I mean i shouldnt have to feel this way, i should feel more confident in myself, but i can't bring myself to, not just yet. I need to accomplish more. I do the bare minimum in everything that I've done. I really only go to class so i don't hate myself, but i don't bother to study or read over my notes which ends up leading to me kinda hating myself. Im a hypocrite lol. But thats the whole reason I'm here, because i don't really give enough of a shit about stuff that i should.

I don't really know where I'm heading with this. But i guess I'm saying that University is one incredibly fucked up experience. It is a mess of emotions that i cannot really even comprehend in the slightest. One day you could be on top of the world and a few minutes later you could be feeling like shit. The freedom is really distracting. The freedom to go anywhere or do just about anything is too much to handle for most people, myself included.

Its kinda crazy thinking back on my three years here and what I've accomplished. Its a very short list of things that i cringe at for the most part, but also kind of fondly remember. There were plenty, and i mean plenty, of terrible moments back then and even as soon as like yesterday. But there are a few pretty awesome moments that i don't want to ever forget.

So basically i just wanted to thank everyone i met for these crazy experiences and move on to my next adventure i guess, and hope that the happiness tags along. Its time for something new i guess. I mean, its not really in my control, but I'm coming to grips with it. Its time for a new spinoff of my tv show and onto something else that will hopefully yield more positive results. So thanks to all of my friends and even to my haters…. I mean i doubt i have many and if i even did, I'm pretty sure i hate myself more than they ever could lmao.

So… Um… Thanks and stuff… Homies.

- Rahim.

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rkarim360 · 8 years

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rkarim360 · 9 years

Audio

I am absolutely addicted to this song. Its incredible.

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rkarim360 · 9 years

Note

You are an incredibly gifted writer I hope you go far

Well, thank you very much Anonymous. Im sorry it took me so long to read this because i dont usually check my blog but that really means a lot to me. Im just hoping i can find more inspiration and stuff to continue churning out better and better stories. :)

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rkarim360 · 9 years

Text

Some Minds

“Hold that thought”

It was July 1st. I was at the beach with a bunch of my friends celebrating Canada day with some pretty awesome fireworks. But I was in one of my moods. The one where I see everyone super happy and having a great time and I wish that I could be doing the same. They are like 20 of us, guys and girls, just fooling around acting like teenage idiots. And I'm just sitting in the sand a bit off in the distance looking at the calming waves rush in and out of the sand. The sky was just dark enough that I heard the crack and noticed the first firework shoot up into the sky and explode into a shower of red lights. It was beautiful. Then one after another different types and colours of fireworks burst into a rainbow of lights.

“Beautiful isn’t it?” I jumped. I looked next to me and someone was sitting there. I thought that I was sitting alone, but she must have walked over while my mind was occupied with the fireworks.

“oh, I didn’t mean to startle you. I thought you noticed me come and sit, you just didn’t say anything.” She said again.

“I actually didn’t even see you coming. I was just looking at the fireworks, and yeah, they are spectacular.” Responded, not even really looking in her direction. The fireworks were just reflecting over my glazed eyes as she sat next to me.

“So, why are you sitting here all alone? Why don’t you come and join us? Its more fun up there! We are joking and fooling around and stuff. “

“I dunno…” I quietly mumbled.

“Really? C’mon. There has to be a reason or you would be acting like an idiot like the rest of us.”

“I guess I… Um. I just feel like watching it by myself. Just being alone and enjoying it, instead of fooling around. I'm jut not in the mood I guess.”

“That’s cool, I respect that. But is that it? I mean, you have barely said or done anything all day. You’ve just been keeping to yourself. Is everything okay?”

I sat there, and thought over that statement for a second. Is everything okay? I began to think over that statement as it echoed in my head. “Hey, you still there?” She asked after I drifted off into space for a few minutes.

I snapped out of my daze, and looked away from the fireworks to actually engage her in a real conversation. Not just me mumbling out nonsense while I watched the display. We ended up talking for what seemed like hours. I wasn’t even really paying attention to the fireworks, all I could see were the rainbow of colours from the corner of my eye. I spent all of my time admiring her while she talked. We talked about a bunch of different things, we discussed what the hell we are doing with our lives, school, our future, and just joked around with one another. It was nice.

Our fire on the beach was soon extinguished and everybody started packing up to make their way home.

We stood up off the sand and wiped ourselves clean. “Thanks for the chat.” I gave her a hug. Then I looked into her eyes. She had big beautiful eyes that were staring right back at me. I didn’t really know what to say. It was make or break time. I panicked. I turned and walked away. It’s not a big deal or anything right? I mean, what else would have even happened.

I caught up with my friends and we all pilled into our car and started to leave. We waved to the ladies and took off.

“So, what happened? We all saw you back there flirting with her. Anything happen?” My friend whispered to me.

“Its nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“Really? It didn’t look like nothing. I saw you getting it in man. Seriously. You get her number, or a kiss or, anything?”

“… Nope. We just talked.”

“Really? What could you have talked about for so long?”

“Uh, we just talked about random stuff. I dunno man.”

“Seriously though, nothing happened? She seemed really into you. And don’t tell me you don’t think she’s hot.”

“yeah, she is. But after we talked, I gave her a hug, and I lingered. I LINGERED. I didn’t know what to do man. I just stood there for like 10 seconds racking my brain of what to do next. And then like a freaking coward I decided to just run off. I mean it could have gone worse right?”

“Well… It could have gone worse, but that sounds pretty bad… Dude, I'm kidding. Its not horrible, we have all gone through shitty things like that. Seriously, you still have a chance. Here, hold on. Ill try and get her number for you. Just text her and see what happens from there.”

I sat silently in the car reminiscing about everything that had just happened. She had to have been into me right? I mean, why else would she have even bothered to come and sit next to me in the first place, right?

“I got it! Here!! Now don’t you go screwing this up man. You got this!” He said reassuringly.

I put her number into my phone and sent her a text.

Hey. Thanks for hanging out with me tonight, I had a great time.

Sent.

Shit. That is a horrible text.

A few moments later she responds. By this time we are already back at our place and I'm sitting in the living room. Everyone else in their beds.

Glad to hear that! I had a pretty awesome time too.

Okay, this is awkward. I should say something right? I mean, after what just happened I should do something. Say something confident. I slowly typed out my next message and closed my eyes as I hit the send button.

Should I have tried to kiss you earlier?

I dropped my phone onto the sofa facedown and was silently freaking out. I dove straight into the deep end. Then I hear it. My phone vibrated. I turned it on and opened the text with my eyes nearly shut.

Well…

Underneath were three more dots indicating she was writing another text. So before she could finish her thought I quickly sent

Hold that thought…

I dropped my phone and burst out of my house. I ran off the driveway and down the street. I went looking for my roommates girlfriends house since they lived together. The streetlights illuminating my path I continued to run. I didn’t want to stop now. Everything I had done prior to tonight was leading up to this moment. It was do or die. There was no time to think on past regrets because I finally decided that I was going to take a chance for the first time in my life.

After running for a few blocks I arrived at her house, completely spent. I was out of breath and heaving at her doorstep. I took a few seconds to catch my breath and compose myself. Some lights were still on in the house so I decided to go for it.

I knocked on the door. Eventually she came and answered surprised to find me standing there.

“Hi”.

So, what did you think? I felt inspired after watching Stranger Than Fiction and The Way Way Back yesterday and felt like writing this morning, so i wrote this all in almost one sitting. I was also thinking about ending this with instead of “Hi”, “Isnt it beautiful”, but i felt that was waaaaay to cheesy and didnt really make much sense. I mean with that ending you arent really sure which character said it, which adds a very small amount of intrigue. I also avoided saying any names, or descriptions of characters because i want you to imagine that all for yourself as opposed to me telling you how to imagine and feel about these characters.

Also, like many of my stories the title is from a song i was listening to. Its a flume song, and its great, especially near the end of the song when it drops, tooo gooood.

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rkarim360 · 9 years

Text

It all started with a smile

It all started with a smile, and a glance. The way she laughed at my jokes. The chemistry that we shared was instant. She was gorgeous, and for some odd reason she also found me attractive. Our first date was wonderful. We went to a carnival and rode all of the rollercoasters. She even forced me onto the ones I was to scared to ride. She was fearless, me on the other hand was practically pissing myself, but I would walk through fire for her. We rode the scariest rollercoasters while she screamed out in joy and I was as quiet as a church mouse. The date didn’t end very well though. I gorged myself on some delicious carnival food and ended up getting pretty sick. Thankfully she took care of me. It brought us closer together and ended up making the date that much more… different. I had never been on anything like it. I never wanted it to end. Throughout the weeks we just became closer and closer. Constantly texting throughout the day. Wakeup texts, goodnight texts, texting while in class. Whenever we were not together we wanted to just always be talking with one another. I learned more about her than I ever thought possible. I learned about her quirks, her odd family, her great taste in music, and her weird taste in tv shows. It was great. I was falling in love for the first time. Whenever we found time to hang out I would try and take her to a fancy dinner, since I was a terrible cook. If we didn’t go out I would make grilled cheese or something simple, or she would make some extravagant meal while we watched movies and cuddled. I couldn’t ask for anything more. But, of course the honeymoon state had to end. I started neglecting my friends and my schoolwork. I couldn’t balance everything, some things had to be left by the wayside. My friends slowly started getting a bit annoyed. I mean, I get it, I didn’t hang out with anyone for weeks, I never really wanted to go out or anything. Then came my grades, I was never a straight A student, so the decline in my already not impressive grades came pretty quickly. It became to much for me to manage. I wasn’t used to this stress. I was never anyone to buckle under pressure or live a stressful life. But I don’t know how other people did it. I decided to take a step back and focus more on my grades and spending slightly more time with my friends, but of course with all of these new found responsibilities its easy to leave something behind unattended to. My girlfriend was feeling neglected. And I never wanted to discuss it. I tried, I really did but it just wasn’t enough. We talked one night for hours, about everything. How we got here, how great it was when we met one another; everything. It was nice to air it all out, but in the end we realized that maybe we weren’t ready for something so serious, not yet. Or maybe I just wasn’t mature enough. So we called it off.

I feel like I'm falling, but its not the same. I just think that I'm falling forever, I can see the bottom but I can’t ever reach it. Nothing feels the same. Grilled cheese doesn’t taste as good anymore. Her weird taste in tv shows isn’t funny anymore. The music that we shared didn’t have the same rhythm. I'm lost. I just wish that it was easier. I wish that we never talked for hours. I wish that I could get my life in order. I hope that I can get another chance. I hope that things all work out for the better. But as of right now… I don’t believe in any of this. I don’t believe in anything. I'm just waiting for the day that this will all change and I can continue to be happy. A day where I can finally smile again.

Im not exactly sure what possessed me to write this. I guess ive been feeling pretty retrospective lately. Constantly being reminded of moments from my second year, moments that i handled well and moments that i wonder what could have happened. But what if, is a killer. So i try not to let it weigh to much on my conscience.

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rkarim360 · 9 years

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“Book of Rhymes”

I titled this Book of Rhymes, because just like the song from Nas, its just a bunch of rhymes that may or may not connect with one another. Just a bunch of rhymes that i typed out and i felt like sharing. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Its better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all [so why from this moment do I start to fall] but ive never loved, only lost why do I choose to be single, what is the cost I am just going crazy, overthinking everything maybe Being alone ive become very lazy. Lost my drive, what do I strive towards a life filed with lies A life of compromise A life of no surprise Just the same routine, but I want to live in my dreams I want to go back to when I was nineteen Change everything but leave the scene I wouldn’t get caught up on you and regret the mistakes ive made (maybe I would change who I am and never behave) maybe I would take a chance and be happy in this place but have you noticed all of these maybes are the same? Just grow some balls and learn from your mistakes Have a moment in your life that you can actually rave About, tell stories to your friends, tell them about what could have been. But it all depends. It starts with me, Making a change to a higher degree. I need to change my life, I need to change me I cant really change my personality So that’s what I'm stuck with But I can try working out and turn into someone worth going out with Maybe ill write stories with a happy ending. And not one that is super depressing.

What is the cost for a love that is lost, you're heart was pitch black and you left mine covered in frost. How do I get back?

Im sitting all alone, at home, I’m my room what can i do. I just want to be with you im sick of being by myself. everybody understands but nobody can help This is something i have to do I try and write, get my thoughts out on the pad but its never a happy tale its always something sad. about the terrible life i thought i had until the day I’m happy nothing will change i will by in my room hoping for some change hoping for the feeling to go away i want to rise above it and move past it all but yet I’m stuck deep in thought staring blankly at a wall I don’t have the answers…

I know how to escape this feeling. but maybe being in this state is just more appealing I see you, as gorgeous as ever. Would you let me take you out to dinner. But no, you know it don’t work that way nothing is that easy Because the thought of denial still lingers in the air do i care. of course. i want to hold hands and intertwine our fingers I want to cuddle and laugh and get rid of this feeling of being lonely and single But I’m a phoney. I’ll never actually say anything. Ill never open my mind. Because i know what still lingers in your mind. I try and come off as kind, but thats all a lie. I want to look out for the both of us, i try, but thats a lie. there is always a hidden message, or reasoning behind. I only do it because i like you. Thats the only reason why. I wouldn’t do this for any other guy. If you weren’t around the neither would I.

When you walk by. The colours shine. I can see a rainbow glowing behind. your hair is blowing in the wind like a movie. Movies end with happy endings; usually but this isn’t like that. We need to cut the track. No music will be playing just listen to the words that I’m saying. There won’t be any time for us. Because you will never know I will always have some feelings for you, they will just never grow. I will bottle them up and hide them away, unless one of us decides to stay. Or say, anything, just say something. Stop me from wondering. stop me from thinking that we could actually be something just end it now so i won’t be stringed along. so i can stop writing this shitty love song. So i can move on, so i don’t love for to long because this is all wrong. You may be perfect for me, but you are not the one. I may never know, until i get my foot in the door but i may never know for sure. just cut the chord. Just let me fall. into the never ending abiss and end it all I will recover, it may take more than a day. But one day i will be happy. ...One day i will be happy. and for that day i will wait.

Just let me know if you like my raps, or whatever. Tell me what you think. And thanks for reading!

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rkarim360 · 9 years

Text

“Rewind”

This is all in the works. Its a story that i am currently writing, but im experiencing some heavy writers block and im not sure what should happen next. I have an overarching storyline, but i haven’t fleshed out the smaller points in the story. So, if you liked it, or hated it, or just have any ideas or anything at all to say about it just let me know!!

My alarm begins to ring. Groggy, and half asleep I open my eyes. As soon as I open my eyes my alarm suddenly stops ringing. I lift myself up and stare around the room. I just notice my closet, dressers and the white walls. My vision starts becoming blurry. The walls seem to be rippling and my closet doors seem to be stretching off of their hinges. The bottom halves of the closet doors seem to stretch away from one another and suddenly stick back to their regular position. My vision begins to blur more and everything starts becoming darker until I see nothing.

My alarm begins to ring. Groggy and half asleep I open my eyes. I turn off my alarm and pull myself up. I just notice my closet, dressers and the white walls. But everything is still. Nothing is glitching or moving about. “What the hell?” I whisper to myself. I then get out of bed and make my way to the bathroom to get ready for class.

I check my watch and it reads 9:17. “Yo guys, I have class in like 10 minutes, ill see you later”. They all say bye as I get up and walk out of the café. I start walking down the long narrow hallway towards a stairwell. The hallway is empty except for a some lockers and the ceiling lights. As I continue to walk along the hallway everything seems to blur up again. The walls and the distance of the stairwell begin to change. Shifting closer and further away. One second the stairwell will me a few feet away, the next second it will be meters away. The lockers are getting fuzzy like a tv without anything playing. The tiles in the floor are changing colours. Some are just going black, while others are a red, or a bluish color. I stop walking and take a breath. As I do so I blink a few times to set my vision straight. But as I do so the ground beneath me begins to move. Its as if I’m on a treadmill but the ground is moving beneath me and I’m standing in the same spot. The stairwell is moving further and further away and the size of the hallway is growing and shrinking. Then everything stopped moving. I looked at my watch and it read 9:18. I looked around and I noticed that I was still at the entrance of the hallway. The stairwell was still at the end of the hallway, the same distance that it always is. “What the hell is going on today” I mutter to myself. I look around to see if anyone noticed anything, but the hallways were all empty. So I just walked to my class.

As I reached my classroom I took a quick look around to see if there is anyone I know. I then spotted her. She was sitting at the back, staring into her laptop, her blonde hair up in a ponytail and her glasses sitting on the edge of her nose. She seemed to be reading something funny because she had a beautiful smile across her face. I noticed that the seat next to her was free at the back of the classroom so I quickly went and sat down next to her. As I sat down she looked over with her radiant smile still showing. “Hi” I said “Hi” she responded. That’s about the length of our dialogue. I know who she is and everything, but I’m just not that much of a talker. I’m terrible at starting a discussion and keeping the other person interested. I don’t have any exciting story to tell, or any exciting moments in my life.

So, we just sit there in silence. I’m just on my laptop, barely paying attention to class, while she is writing notes one second and the next she is busy on social media or something. You should say something. Why don’t you ask her something about the class? Um… ask her if there are any parties on the weekend or something. Wait, its Monday that’s stupid. Uh, ask her if you can have her notes. No, don’t do that she will think that you’re not listening, and probably think that you’re stupid. Uh, shit. Why is this so much easier for everyone else? How do guys just be so smooth that they are constantly attracting hot girls and shit? Hmm… why don’t you ask her if she is doing anything later this week, ask her to hang out or something? Maybe just say something. Anything. At this point saying anything will be better than just constantly looking at her. Your eyes are glazing, I’m pretty sure she is starting to notice that your eyes are darting over now and again. Just break the silence and say something. Anything. “Hey.. so.. uh.. what’s—how was your weekend?”phew. I mean it could have gone worse, riiiight? I mean you could have just called her a whore and punched her in the face or something? Well…are you even listening? “Yeah, and then Sunday I just did work. How about you?”

Shit, what did she say? Fuck. Just say something similar and not too detailed.“Uh, that sounds pretty cool. I did pretty similar stuff. I just chilled with friends and some did work on Sunday.” Wow, that sounds super boring. Uh. What the hell do you say now? Think of something to keep the conversation going.“Cool!” she responds. Then turns back to her laptop as I just stare in silence unsure what to say. So, I also go back to doing nothing on my laptop. Just say something man, damn. How do you expect to date this girl if you don’t say anything at all to her?

“So, uh…” I practically whisper. “What?” she responds as she looks at me. “Uh, nothing.” I quickly respond as I turn back to my laptop. Well that went well… you should just never talk to her again at this point. Your silence is better then when you open your mouth. So we just continue to sit there in silence. She is busy doing whatever, while I am just trying to act busy, while also trying not to look over at her.

So we sit there in silence for what seems like forever. Shit, this is boring. I should say something. Get some discussion going, right? But what the fuck should I say?

Well, maybe you just shouldn’t say anything. I mean she probably doesn’t know much about you besides those few times we were hanging out with the same friends. She probably has no opinion of me yet, so it’s best not to ruin that by opening my mouth. So we sit there in silence, and I decide to actually pay attention for the rest of the class.

Time passes, and the class finishes, I pack up my things and head out. “Bye” I murmur as I walk away. I don’t think she heard me. But I continue on my way to the café to get some food to eat. I see a group of my friends sitting there already so I join them. “whatsup man. Yo, did you see the new episode of Game of Thrones yesterday?!” one of my friends quickly asks.

“No! Ive been busy, don’t ruin it man! I’m gonna watch it after class tonight!” I quickly retort.

“Well, you better watch it soon, it was a fucking awesome episode!”

“Yo, did you watch the video that I sent you on Facebook?!” I asked him excitedly. It’s a highlight video of a basketball game that was played recently. So we continue to watch that in awe of the incredible skills that these guys possess. And while we are watching the video and all just talking about random stuff I notice someone. My friend to my right is staring at his laptop watching the video and I’m looking straight ahead at the entrance to the cafeteria and I spot her walking in. She looked even more beautiful now.

“Cant take my eyes off of you” by Lauryn Hill begins to softly play in the back of my mind as she walks by. I’m in my own little world right now, experiencing some sort of tunnel vision. She is smiling and laughing with her friends as they walk by, so she doesn’t notice me. But, she is still looking astonishing, her gorgeous smile lighting up my mind. Her beautiful eyes tattoo’d in my brain. Just everything about her, seems perfect. Being with her would be the end-all-be-all goal to my life. Siting on a beach together or cuddling under the starlight. My entire life is flashing right before my eyes. the beautiful memories that have yet to be created, but that will last a lifetime.

At this point I am practically drooling over myself, and my best friend seems to notice. I snap out of my stupor and he is just staring at me with a smile on his face. “Why don’t you just go and talk to her man?” he questions.

“Yo, you know its not that easy. You cant just walk up to people and start talking to them, it uh, you know, it doesn’t work like that.” I say knowing full well that he is right.

“But, it is that easy. Just talk to her while you guys are in class together. Ask her what she did on the weekend, or ask her questions about the class, or what she is planning for the upcoming weekend or something! You aren’t going to get anywhere but keeping quiet.”

“Yeah… But… talking hard. Its hard man. Fuck shyness.” I spit out.

This story isn’t about anyone in particular. But as my best friend put it, “You fall in love with like every girl you meet and its hilarious”

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rkarim360 · 9 years

Text

“That Power”

I wonder if Drake has ever felt like that. Being in a club but having lost your desire to dance or do anything fun. You just want to go home. The infectious music blasting in your ears, and the colorful lightsdancing all around you. Everybody having a great time. Dancing with one another, laughing and feeling like there is nowhere else they would rather be. While I'm just sitting off to the side, with my head in my hand watching from afar. No desire to join in. Honestly the only reason I was staying is because I came with my friends and didn’t want to leave without them. I’ve felt like this before, but not this strongly. Yes, there are times where I wish I had just stayed home and been by myself. But those days when I'm at home I wish I had gone out. There is no way for me to win. But this day it was the worst I have ever felt. I just wanted to sit there and watch everyone have a great time. I was jealous that they could just do that. No reason to leave, or hate staying there. I eventually forced myself to go back. But it wasn’t the same. When I go out to places, like parties or clubs, which have great beats playing, I'm usually the first person to be dancing. I try and get everyone to join in. People love dancing and singing along with me. But tonight it just wasn’t in me. I didn’t want to do that. I just did it because I thought it would make me feel a bit better. It didn’t. I was just there doing my half-assed dancing with my fake smile plastered across my face. It was obvious to me that I was just having a terrible night, but I'm assuming nobody else picked up on that.

Eventually the end of the night arrived. Finally. I got all of my shit. Didn’t even look anyone in the face. Just stared off into space. Got on the bus, sat in the first empty seat.

This is on a bus back from [the wall]…

It turned out it would be me and just one girl. That’s you…

I like you and you like me and I more-than-like you, but I don’t know if you do or don’t more-than-like-me. You’ve never said, so I haven’t been saying anything… …Content to enjoy the small miracle of a girl choosing to talk to me and choosing to do so the next day and so on. A girl who’s smart and funny…. …But also gets weird and wise in a way that I could never be…

…So this is kind of it for us. Unless I say something. And it might especially be it for us if I do say something.

This is kind of it for us…

…This is kind of it for us…

I sat down on the bus and just pondered the night. I watched out the small bit of the window that wasn’t all frozen or fogged up. Pretty much I just saw white snow banks, and a black sky; nothing else. The bus finally started to get moving, while all of the drunk people would laugh and joke around with each other. I had a straight face. Behind it hid all of my real emotions.

There is no chance for us…

…There is no chance for me…

But this means there isn’t a place in my life for you or someone like you. Is it sad? Sure. But it’s a sadness I chose.

I wish I could say this was a story about how I got on the bus a boy and got off the bus more cynical, hardened, and mature and shit. But that’s not true. The truth is I got on the bus a boy. And I never got off the bus. I still haven’t….

It’s a sadness I chose...

“That Power”. –Childish Gambino.

. . .

I was just in the mood to write all of this shit out after having a pretty crazy day. Everything was perfectly planned out. It was supposed to be awesome, but it ended turning to shit. I thought at the start of the day, the universe or some shit was trying to throw me a bone. Give me a chance. But that ended up not happening. and something else happened. It gave me a bone that would have been great a few days ago. Before i realized that it would never work.

This story is a pretty accurate description of how i was feeling. i don’t want to delve into the details to reveal any more than i already have. But the song “That Power”, or at least the monologue thing at the end, ended up relating pretty well (or those choice segments) to what and how i was feeling. (Except for the part about the riding the bus with said girl, that is just a metaphor i guess). Overall, its just a shitty feeling.

“Nothing makes me sadder than Hailing cabs alone goin' home on a Saturday Bumpin' Donny Hathaway, questioning my choices Thinking 'bout marriage, carriage, and horses”

Just a new addition. I just heard these lyrics in a song and thought that they fit fairly well to the story. Whatever.

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rkarim360 · 9 years

Text

First story of the new year! (Its pretty terrible)

It’s a regular day outside, something like -30 and incredibly fucking cold. You are walking in the halls of your school. It’s a long, dark hallway with your classroom all the way at the end. You walk pass a window and take a look outside, its incredibly dark. There is a flickering streetlight far away in the background. It’s getting late, but you feel like you need to go to this class or you will feel guilty.

You continue to walk down this dark never-ending hallway. It seems like the hallway is stretching further and further away from you, as the walls are slowly closing in. You feel a cold shiver slide up your spine. Something’s not right.

You look up at the ceiling and its engulfed in darkness. It begins to creep along the sidewalls. You jump and your body becomes ridged. You look behind you and you see nothing. Just a blank black space.

You drop your backpack and throw off your jacket and start running.

All you have to do is run

Just promise me you’ll run

And don’t look back

Don’t look back…

You finally move closer and closer to the end of the hallway. You just keep running your heart is pounding. Your body is going into overdrive. You look over your shoulder and see nothing. Just black emptiness, and a creeping shadow enveloping everything behind you.

As you reach your classroom a student walks out of the class and you run into them. You crash into them and you both tumble to the ground. As they hit the ground they suddenly burst into a black smoke before your eyes. What the fuck?! Your heart starts to beat much faster and faster. You leap back and quickly crawl away and push yourself to your feet to continue running away.

You move closer and closer to the end of the hallway. What the hell can you do next? Your life hangs in the balance. You reach the wall at the end of the hallway and you turn around. The darkness is creeping towards you. “HELP!!” You cry out at the top of your lungs. Your voice reaches the emptiness and suddenly mutes. No echo, no noise. Your ears begin to ring. You start to bang your fists against the wall until they are starting to become scratched and bruised. The wall begins to crumbly, slowly. But you don’t have the strength to get past this obstacle. You turn around and you see the shadow enveloping the last section of the floor. You brace yourself against the wall as the shadowy darkness forms on the floor like a puddle. It then starts to slowly creep up your legs. “Somebody help me!!” You cry out, tears streaming down your face, but there is no sound. You can feel your voice travelling through the darkness to no avail, no echo; nothing.

Now up to your hips are engulfed and it is starting to grow past your stomach. You cannot move. You cant even see your legs let alone feel them. Each body part that is engulfed feels as if it is dismembered. Your demise awaits you, mere minutes separate you from life, and some sort of purgatory.

Your life begins to flash before your eyes. But it is over quickly. Because nothing of real importance took place in your life. No chances were taken, nothing particularly stood out, and no moment held any real importance.

Your mouth starts to become blanketed by the sheet of darkness until it covers your entire body leaving nothing. Nothing.

You can still see. Or so you think. But there is nothing to look at. Everything is black. You cannot feel any part of your body. But you still have your thoughts, your terrible thoughts. Being alone like this would make you go insane.

Eventually the thoughts of your previous mundane life start to disappear. You think back to your first day of school, until you realize you cannot finish the thought. How did your first day end? What happened after you woke up in the morning? Each one of your memories were getting cut short. Only mere fragments would be remembered. Until all you remember is how you were transported to this purgatory. You recall watching yourself become enveloped by this shadow, you hear your screams echo throughout your subconscious. You try and help, but what can you do? You are nothing.

. . .

I wrote this a few weeks ago and i dont really know how i feel about it. I thought it was a pretty cool concept at first, but now it just seems somewhat unoriginal, and the ending is pretty lame. I wanted to add more, but i dont really know what to add, or how to incorporate it without it being cheesy and lame.

I guess when i wrote this i was just in a state of mind where i felt like everything wasnt in my control and that i couldnt do anything to change my fate. Its kinda depressing, especially the paragraph or so i originally had at the end of the story that i took out because it just became much to personal and attacked myself. It didnt really fit in.

I imagine most people who read my stories like my more romantic stuff compared to this abstract stuff but i dont really feel like i can write accurate romantic stories considering the little experience i have with love and romance. Its abysmal and laughable. But whatever, whenever im in a romantic place in my life i will continue to write more personable and characteristic stories. But until then, hopefully this will have to do! Enjoy, and tell me what you think! :D

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