rocioensustreintas - Tumblr blog

[rocioensustreintas]

i hear you trying to gaslight me and it no longer works. playing victim no longer works.

[rocioensustreintas]

the couch that was in the garage never got used since our wedding day. we talked about keeping it for our next home and one day i decided i’m selling it and not once did you stop me or mentioned anything. this relationship was already dying before i had my surgery and i just never wanted to really see that you never cared. i really did love you - i saw your potential and now there’s no more left to say. there’s no more love.

[rocioensustreintas]

i was born to break generational barriers - let me tell you this isn’t for the weak.

[rocioensustreintas]

i heal my own wounds and comprehend the lesson. always looking for improvement and the beauty in life.

[rocioensustreintas]

the real reason why i don’t want kids, because i have been a parent since i was seven.

[rocioensustreintas]

realizing i am the mother of my siblings. my mother never understood her role — and even with me putting her on blast does she get it. sigh. my father calling me to tell me it’s “not ok because everyone will find out” that’s the problem with this world, trying to keep everything perfect and quiet. it’s my page - my opinion. if you don’t like it then don’t read it.

[rocioensustreintas]

you making breakfast for me all of a sudden consistently since the day i told you i wanted no more - DOES NOT MAKE ANYTHING BETTER. how is feeding someone going to make them forget about all the shit you need to work on + communication. this is the reason why six years later you can’t seem to understand why i am deciding to move on alone.

[rocioensustreintas]

and to top it all off one night before your citizenship we have this conversation and you still ask for my paperwork… for your future. my divorce papers, my bc… all of a sudden it’s “babe” sigh

[rocioensustreintas]

sorry not sorry - i am rocio rivera. i am too much for some people and that’s ok.

[rocioensustreintas]

the universe finally opened my eyes for good and my heart to let you go. i need to heal from all the pain you left me with all these years and allow others to show me that their is love so pure you need no asking of.. real genuine love and care.

[rocioensustreintas]

i tried so hard to be a great wife and i was more.

when i never needed to be “more”. my life is meant to be lived happily not be exhausted and drained. i’d be damned if i went another whole year pretending that you will “finally get it”

[rocioensustreintas]

in the end after still communicating with you and showing you proof of my feelings — you still decided to choose to be a victim, never accepting accountability. with your age it should be an embarrassment to act the way you do.

[rocioensustreintas]

finally we talked.

said what i said clearer cause through text you obviously didn’t get it. talked for two whole hours, (me) cause you barley even spoke — when you did it was always the victim card or always something negative — never accountability - absolutely never.

got upset when i kept saying i don’t want to be with you - you lost your cool and called it “irritation” i watched your ego shiver and you got smaller and smaller.

i gave you seven solid years of my life and you never learned to communicate with me. in those seven years i have continued to grow and evolve and want more and you just played follow the leader. you never learned to be the provider the right way nor were you there emotionally. year after year i cried out loud and vocalized to you my feelings and needs and desires. unfortunately year after year it somehow always came back — the same story the same “naggy story” clearly i was too much always. you could never handle me.

[rocioensustreintas]

my uncle asked me if i wasn’t scared to move to Mexico City. everyone assumes the worst because of what the media puts out and my response was “tio i am from Vallejo and i currently live in Vallejo” (so do my parents) so he goes “is it really that bad?” i say to him, my parents bless their heart don’t even realize how bad it’s in Vallejo cause they live their lives in a cycle — but every single day there’s something crazy happening in this city that unfortunately nothing “horrible” is “scary or new” to me anymore. it’s more “well shoulda seen that coming”

so the answer tio is “if i love and survived living most of my life in this city named Vallejo i can survive anywhere else in this world”

[rocioensustreintas]

at the age where i don’t say much - i do

[rocioensustreintas]

when you’re reading something a younger lady wrote you, when you basically tried telling them, hey as you get older there’s no need for that — and they respond with a long detailed explanation about themselves… you realize as you get older giving women advice who really have not seen the world, had culture experiences, haven’t had rough times… idealy whatever i say doesn’t matter because in the end she still has many more lives/moments to learn on her own.

[rocioensustreintas]

i had an idea of what this year would look like and for the next few months it’s sticking to plan and for the other half of the year … i have absolutely no clue how or when but everything WILL happen.