rogue-cup-hq

[rogue-cup-hq]

2019 Recap

"It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, and a day to love them, but it takes an entire lifetime to forget them." — Author unknown

July 2020:  As I opened my phone to review the notes I jotted down from last year’s event, and began to look over the photos before putting pen to paper to write the 2019 recap, the sadness became palpable and the memories bittersweet. We all felt the brutal sting of losing two friends who, for so many years, had been part of our lives and the Rogue Cup event:  our brother and dear friend Rick Goldfarb, who many of us have known since the youthful days of college, and William Whitehead (aka “WoG”), who had become our Rogue friend of 12 years after accepting Goldy’s invite to make the trip to Deep Creek in 2008. William returned every year thereafter and became a fun, boisterous presence that contributed to the spirit and fun of the event. As Goldy’s health declined in early 2020, there was unanimous agreement from the group to honor Rick by renaming our annual weekend to honor our brotherhood with him, and thus the Rogue Cup moniker will be retired and the weekend will be known as the “RGI” (Rick Goldfarb Invitational) going forward. William was in the midst of helping plan a weekend to honor Rick when we learned the awful news in April that William had unexpectedly passed away.  The loss of two friends in so brief a time is crushing to the soul. Looking back in retrospect and knowing that it was Goldy’s and William’s last time with us, I find myself completely lacking my usual sarcastic, whimsical tone for the narrative of our weekend together, so I’ll offer the abbreviated notes from my phone to at least record for posterity the last Rogue Cup.

WEEKEND ROLL CALL:   Moore, Berner, Goldfarb, Smith, Schnetzler, Whitehead, Katz, Ozenbaugh, Sautter, Anderson, Turner* *Rogue Sultan – presided over event.

THURSDAY PM Everyone arrives and stakes out room and toilet claims. Went to dinner at the Pub & Grille; enjoyed Pizza & Pints special, after which we returned to the cabins and spent the evening doing a lot of nothing. We wiled away the time swapping old stories, there may have been a few card games, a brief vote to again confirm the format of a team event.

FRIDAY AM Coffee on porch - was it rain or mist? The debate raged... Stories – was it Sensations or Secretions? (can someone explain this one to me?) Turns takes the breakfast helm in the kitchen and whips up French toast, bacon, sausage. PA shocks everyone with clean up (it’s the new “me”). We spent a fair amount of time doing completely nothing on the porch time afterwards.   Once we arrived at the course, Andrew volunteers to go shirtless (perhaps the effects of time on the porch, perhaps an Altoona tradition - I don’t quite know why). Friday PM - Round 1 The only thing I directly recall of my own round was a nice wedge chip-in from 30 yards out on the 18th hole (to salvage a 99). Not surprisingly, the foursome of Andrew, Ed, Berner and Ozy fell 3 holes behind; played so slow they were caught by a six-some of elderly women; reports from the course were that lots of breast massaging then took place. I have a note that simply says “Ozy’s stolen birdie” - I have no direct observations; those involved may elaborate, in which case I’ll amend the official record. Team format again, Saturday’s teams, based on scores: Smith/Goldy, Berner/Sautter, Ed/Ozy, PA/Andrew, William/Will 

The balance of Friday evening was mindless Battlebots viewing, some cackling and a unanimous consent decree by the group mandating that Berner play in the 1st foursome on Saturday. The group wound down and began to crash by 11PM, just as Andrew emerged from a 3 hour nap ready to party. Saturday AM Ozy loses golf balls in front yard while practice-chipping before the round We enjoy the usual phenomenal Turner McBerners for breakfast More unproductive porch time.

Saturday PM – Round 2 Rain at the end of round drenched last group PA performed with his usual consistency: 52/43 (which enabled Andrew & him to win nothing) Ed/Ozy take team win after Ozy drives cart back to find Ed and encourage him not to quit, despite the rain Turns took over grill duty and served up a tasty filet mignon, salad, baked potato dinner Berner - bladder was almost empty - saving rest for the ride home tomorrow Who won the Jacket, if anyone? Sunday AM - pancakes and bacon served up by the Turns/Berner tandem - cleanup and farewells

PA then embarked on a “good will ambassador” tour for several days – visiting Schnetz in Lusby, then Erbe in Fenwick Island, then Smith in Virginia before heading home.  Details of each of those visits is unnecessary, and can be left to the imagination, knowing that it was carried out in true Rogue spirit.   The closure to the Rogue Cup era is complete; henceforth, our annual golf weekend event will become the RGI (Rick Goldfarb Invitational). Rather than my usual epilogue looking to exhort everyone to come to California, instead here is a brief tribute to our friend, who will be sorely missed:

A Golden Farewell

The news arrived in monotone As blue sky turned to gray One of the good guys taking flight As night consumed the day.

Roadside monuments to fallen soldiers My car sped past their shields And ghosts peered out from old log cabins Collapsing in the fields 

Guitars lay dusty, silenced strings That yearn to cry and wail Or simply play some chords and hope For wind to fill his sails. 

Shrouded moonlight, pale across A fragile heartbeat’s groove The thirst and hunger fade at midnight As the pickpocket makes his move.

The golden candle flickers dimly No longer burning bright Life slips loose its weak embrace To a quickly arcing flight. 

A fond remembrance of all our days As the night gives way to dawn An eagle landed, its nest abandoned Our brother-in-arms is gone. 

Yet richer now than Gates or Buffett In wealth beyond the stars You gave us all your greatest gift - Our memories of your heart. 

Farewell, Goldy.

[rogue-cup-hq]

2018 Recap

" And God said, "Let there be vodka!" And He saw that it was good. Then God said, "Let there be light!" And then He said, "Whoa - too much light." ~ Anonymous

With the two decade run at Deep Creek officially over, the Rogues found themselves a nomadic herd – a band of idiots without a home, inmates in need of an asylum, the old familiar structures and routines taken from them abruptly. No more snore isolation chamber; no more gas containment chamber - where would William and Goldy sleep? Questions abounded…. Not to mention, the daunting question of “what other drinking courses can we golf on.” The North Carolina contingent (AKA Goldy and William) stepped forward to take the laboring oar in hand and became de facto chairmen for the 2018 event. They secured an incredible deal for the group to convene in North Carolina at two beautiful venues in the Pinehurst area, which conveniently allowed PA an opportunity to double up a visit with family without compromising the annual liver workout.

The 2018 event drew a field of 10 players: PA, Goldy, William, Andrew, B. Smith, G. Berner, Ed Moore, Turns, and of course, Gary "Sandy Bags" Ozenbaugh. Notably, prodigal son David Sautter returned after missing last year due to his move to that little slice of paradise in Maryland called Port Deposit. Schnetzler was a no-show (again) but swore he would return in 2019. Jay“bird” Erbe let yet another year pass without a golf club or wine glass in hand. The usual perennial no-shows (Walter, Luigi) were once again, no-shows. Of those in attendance, several finally at least admitted they had been golfing regularly, but continued to swear they were awful and hadn't improved. The second part of the statement clearly proved true; a touch of honesty was finally beginning to infect the Rogue players..…

The event was “hosted” at the Talamore Villas, with the Rogues bunking in a few condos spread across the complex. The weather was unique for a Rogue event, as we dealt with ungodly high heat and humidity (we all would soon regret our decision to opt for the earlier week):

The courses themselves also represented a radical departure for the group. Rather than seeking out isolated, rural mountain courses with goat pasture fairways and banjos echoing faintly in the distance, we found ourselves playing on real golf courses – our first day of 2018 would be spent battling Talamore, a course the Rogues had no business playing. Day Two would find the Rogues meandering around the course originally known as Pinehurst Plantation, now known as the Mid South Club.

PA, anticipating the heightened challenges of these venues, undertook an ambitious eBay research project in the months leading up to Rogue, intent on replacing those irons he noticed were missing during the 2017 event. The multi-week search for matching Cobra irons came down to the wire, with the final replacement club arriving at Whispering Pines a day before the event. In an odd contrast of fate, PA came out of retirement and went back to work, while B. Smith showed far greater wisdom and left Lansdale to begin life at a lakefront paradise in Virginia (where he immediately set to work preparing “Smithlake” for a pre-Rogue party. And thus the table was set for Rogue 2018; we all pointed our compasses toward the sandhills of North Carolina. The standard decades old caveat/disclaimer regarding the marginal accuracy of my memory still stands. What follows is pieced together from a few notes jotted down on the plane ride home, amidst the cobweb corners of my pickled mind.

Wednesday - PA arrived on Wednesday to visit for a few days with his brother Mark & Mom, enjoying a quiet, relaxing evening. Other than reminiscing with a nostalgic look at old golf clubs gathering dust in the garage, golf was not on the agenda. Beer, however – was…….

Thursday A pre-Rogue gathering was held at Smithlake (I was informed that B. Smith declared that “swimsuits were not optional”). While I wasn’t present, it was described by attendees as a reasonably calm night. All Rogues (PA in Carolina, the rest of the gang at Smithlake) spent the evening watching the Eagles beat the Falcons in a nail-biter 18-12 on NFL opening night; the game came down to a last defensive play against Julio Jones in the end zone, naturally. The Eagles succeeded in swatting the ball away and earning a victory - Go, Birds. 

Friday - the group arose in their respective locations and found their way to Buffalo Wild Wings in Southern Pines for some chow and beer before golf. The forecast was hot, humid with heat index in the mid 90's. Forget the forecast – it was already so. With bellies full of mediocre pub food, we made the short drive to the course.

Upon driving through the gates and parking our vehicles, reality slapped us hard in the face. There we stood – looking at a beautifully groomed course fronted by an elegant southern-style clubhouse. Yes, Talamore…. a course constructed in 1991 by famed course architect Rees Jones. With more than 150 feet of elevation change, wetlands, lakes and towering longleaf pines, Rees had carved out a course layout that the Rogues should not have been granted permission to play. Talamore is consistently ranked at the forefront for outstanding golf courses in the Village of Pinehurst area.

Beverages in hand (the usual iced tea and lemonade containers, and modest beer coolers), we were quickly humiliated by the vast, undulating putting green and our public displays of ground abuse on the driving range. An immediate controversy faced the Rogues on the first tee, as the debate raged over which tee box would govern the day. We had choices – gold, blue, white or green. Gold and blue were immediately vetoed by the majority…. Leaving the whites (or the greens, normally reserved for super seniors and women). After fierce debate, the group chose the green tees. Oh, the humanity and embarrassment….

With putters in hand for their first drive off the super-senior tee boxes, the round was underway and reality set in. The Talamore fairways and greens played like billiard tables – true rolls, and hard as a rock. A shot-by-shot analysis of the tattered scorecards revealed the mighty struggle -

B. Smith was his usual consistent self, with a pair of 43’s on both front and back nine – no real blow-up holes on the way to an 86 to establish himself yet again as the benchmark “zero” (go figure). PA started his round with par, double, triple on his way to a front nine 48. Righted the ship somewhat on the back with bogey golf to enter the clubhouse at 92, his first time ever scoring lower than the outdoor temperatures at a Rogue event and first time ever using a driver less than 5 times in 18 holes. Andrew made a statement: carded a 10 on the first hole, followed by a triple/double sequence after which he settled down for awhile, and after his highlight of the day (a birdie on #13) he had a rough sequence at the end, notching a three hole stretch of double/triple/double that left him with a tidy 100 on the day.

Goldy and Sautter shot matching 51’s on the front nine; the scorecard image was suspiciously faded on several of the holes – hard to determine where the trainwreck happened. Despite his usual elegant swing, Mr. Sautter’s wheels came off completely on #11, where he began a sequence of quintuple/quadruple/triple before finishing the round with a pair of triples on #17 and #18 to stumble home with 110 to trail the pack; however, this disaster of a round partnered him with Smith for the championship round, and would have implications on Day 2. Goldy stayed on the double-bogey train to card a 103. Ozy started out at a torrid pace, scoring 40 on the front nine. At that point, he had completely embraced the spirit of the event, evidenced by his 49 on the back, leaving him at 89. Turns had a tidy 45 on the front and seemed to be in a good rhythm; whatever he did at the turn didn’t help him, as he started off the back nine triple/double/quadruple on his way to a 53, putting him at 98 on the day.

Gary, Ed and William’s scorecard was very faded – Mr. Berner & Ed appeared to have an inauspicious start with each putting a triple on the card for the first hole. GB finished with the front nine with a 53, to Ed’s 48. William, quiet and steady as ever, played tidy bogey golf for a 45. On the back, GB played just as “well”, finishing with a pair of double-bogeys and tallying a 107 for the day; he had a gallery of angry, frustrated geese following him up the final hole. William maintained himself in the zone, finishing the back at 42 for a very nice 87 on the day.Others staggered to the finish in various states of physical disrepair.

Exhausted and teetering on heat stroke, the group sought refuge in the air-conditioned villas, languishing in various states of consciousness and disbelief that they had been so humbled by a paltry 5,500 yards of golf. The alcohol had made no difference. Everyone mustered their remaining energy and managed to organize/fund/retrieve a takeout order of sandwiches, pizzas, whatever and chose to stay in the safety of the villas – the evening was spent on internal alcohol rubs, card games, a moment of floor-rolling and cackling, a few chose chair naps. The Rogues were readying themselves for the day ahead. 

Saturday – Sunny, hot & humid again in the 90’s, a possible scattered t-storm in the forecast never materialized, although it would have been welcome. The Rogues contemplated their choice to have the team play on Mid-South, an Arnold Palmer signature golf course described as offering a “challenging yet enjoyable” championship layout. From the back tees (an option the Rogues never considered), a player has to carry their drive 225 yards just to reach the fairway. Not to mention Mid South’s 11 acres of bunkers (the Rogues became painfully familiar with the entirety of that acreage).

Having adopted the previous year's team format again, the pairings based on top-bottom scoring of the previous day’s bludgeoning of Talamore were as follows – Smith/Sautter, Whitehead/Berner, Ozy/Goldy, Andrew/Ed and PA/Turns. Foursomes were purposefully done to split up the teams and balance the consumption levels: 

Sautter, Ozy, Turns and Smith Goldy, Ed, Berner William, Andrew, PA

Notably, as we prepared for Mid-South, Smith’s and PA’s perennial beverages were on full display, but the usual wine bladder in Mr. Berner’s bag was absent (“red wine is a bad choice for a hot day”). Ozy promised to take up the slack and live the spirit of the event….. PA’s trusty lemonade container was present, as were the copious amounts of beer and what-not.

As we stared down the fairway of the first hole preparing for our tee shots, the heat index was 95. For the 4th round in a row (spanning two years now), a majority vote reinstated the “Great Rogue Compromise Rule of 2017”, again converting the event into a quasi chip-and-putt competition. Some of us looked around sheepishly and silently prayed that the 95 year old husband and wife teeing off on the teebox further back behind us didn’t ask for our IDs. The Rogues had an inauspicious start, with the first group all needing mulligans to get a single ball in play (it had nothing to do with distance). They don’t make fairways wide enough for the Rogues. In fact, it was so ugly that the starter, an elderly gent with a good sense of humor, instantly granted the remaining Rogues permission to hit into the leading group. Our kinda guy.

The Rogues spent their entire Saturday afternoon hacking, duffing, hooking, slicing, chunking, skulling, blading and wandering the Mid-South roughs and bunkers.

PA started triple/double/triple which accelerated his pace to finishing the “lemonade” far too early in the round; he needed every drop on his way to a debilitating 104. Andrew started off well, until the 4th hole – at which point he began a double/triple/triple sequence that loosened the lug nuts, and strung together double bogeys on the remaining holes to tie PA at 52 on the front. On the back, Andrew managed to gain a little traction and finished with 101. William had a rough start with a double/double combo, but then settled down - with a few pars, he managed to score 46 on the front. His story was similar on the back nine, with just a couple blow up holes to shoot 49, getting him into the clubhouse at 95.

Meanwhile, the group of Goldfarb, Moore and Berner were also incurring the wrath of the Mid-South course gods. Goldy had a tidy 10 on the 9th hole on his way to a 52; it got no better on the back nine as the final 4 holes saw Goldy run triple/quad/triple/quad, for a painful 110. After shooting a respectable 48 on the front, Ed decided to mimic Goldy, running quad/double/triple/triple to finish with 104. Gary Berner? Nothing if not consistent…. Started the round triple/quad and finished the round with a triple/quad, placing an enormous 116 on the card. His endurance and physical conditioning were admirable.

The final group (Sautter, Ozy, Turns and Smith) provided the gallery with the full spectrum of Rogue golfing skills. Smith put a tidy 45 on the front nine, with no real blow-up holes. Turns, on the other hand, consistently delivered doubles and triples to card a 58. Ozy worked a triple/triple/triple stretch to smear his opening nine with a 52, while Sautter seemed to be on track with the previous day, putting up a 54. On the back nine, a quad/double/quad finish produced another 58 for Turns, as he staggered off the 18th with a 116. Ozy’s wheels weren’t just off, he may have left them on the front nine. His triple/quad/triple/quad stretch on the back produced a 58 to match Turns, and a rather rare triple digit 110 score. On the positive side, Oz had unquestionably lived up to the spirit of the event. Smith fired another tidy 45 on the back to produce a 90. But the story of the 2018 Rogue golf was clearly David Sautter’s back nine, where he fired a scorching (for him) 43, bringing him in at 97 to clinch the 2019 Rogue Cup team win for himself and Smith….

Some vague personal recollections/observations from Saturday’s Cup round at Mid-South: while I managed to strike some thunderous drives, once off the tee I floundered helplessly in a state of confused ineptitude. No mid-iron skills, no short iron skills, and I hit wedge shots like I was swinging a tree branch. I recall holing an impressively long curling putt on 18… it mattered not. I also recall broad proclamations of despair over the choice of foursome going off first and the subsequent snail-like pace of play. Universally, Ozy is blamed.

Following the round, the group made its way back to the condos to tally up the cards and determine who “won”. We were also in desperate need for a cooling-down period (also known as a “nap”). Sautter and Smith proudly held the Cup high - Smith had gotten so used to wearing the Jacket that a simple nod that he’d won it was sufficient; no need to try and put it on. In a rare combo, Sautter had also secured the Sox as top sandbagger, in addition to having his name engraved on the Cup. This new team format may find the Sox/Cup combo a more frequent occurrence. The Shirt (for highest overall score) was naturally once again in the hands of Gary Berner.  For the record:

We found ourselves at a little local watering hole called Maxie’s, after which Andrew gave us an inadvertent driving tour of the area. I recall copious amounts of Crown Royal & ginger the rest of the evening, much of it inspired by Turns.

Sunday was a brief affair – the group fumigated the villas, packed and bid farewell – no decisions made as to a 2019 venue (although we all agreed that NC temperatures required a later date). And thus the 2018 Rogue Cup drew to a close for another year. Farewell, Talamore and Mid-South...thanks for the drubbing! Cheers to all….what will 2019 bring?

2018 Photo gallery here - https://photos.app.goo.gl/UsKXmXVcAk5XF9vE6

[rogue-cup-hq]

2017 Recap

“I feel sorry for people that don't drink because when they wake up in the morning, that is the best they're going to feel all day.” - Frank Sinatra

After a memorable run spanning most of 2 decades, 2017 will forever be remembered as the final Rogue Cup hosted at the Rogue Headquarters at Deep Creek Lake. In 2016, the prospect that our epic run of terrible golf at Deep Creek might end hung like a long shadow over the event....(not really - we acted as stupidly as ever). But 2017 had a sense of finality to it, so when the opportunity presented itself to gather at the lake one last time, a small band of 8 players packed their bags and set their nav systems to head toward western Maryland.

While outsiders observing the Rogue Cup might equate the event to Lemony Snicket's "A Series of Unfortunate Events", it actually reveals itself to be a finely-tuned, constantly evolving, randomly-strung-together approach to golf and drinking. As the small group discussed logistics for the weekend, some evolutionary thinking arose from the primordial ooze to reshape the event. Notably, for the first time ever at Deep Creek, neither Oakland nor Wisp hosted the practice round or actual Rogue round. Instead, we opted to venture westward through the picturesque mountains of West Virginia and conquer/butcher two completely new courses (more on the new venues later). William the Explorer showed an extraordinary amount of initiative by taking the lead - scouting the options, selecting the courses and arranging tee times for the group. As happened the previous year, Goldy, PA & William decided to tackle Lodestone as a pre-practice round practice round; more on that later. Secondly, in a radical departure from the traditional challenge of individual achievement, we went to a team-based approach in 2017 (we finally realized 2 people were needed just to remember the scores). And perhaps most significantly, the Rogues grew up - we repealed the longstanding rule (some called it an expectation) about consumption and agreed everyone could simply consume at their own pace without the threat of disqualification.

With no threats of bad weather, the Rogues could focus on what mattered most..... whatever that was.

The 2017 event offered up a field of 8 players: PA, Goldy, William, Andrew, B. "Zero" Smith, G. "Should Be Better" Berner, Ed "Tiger" Moore and Gary "Sandy Bags" Ozenbaugh. After many years hosting the awards BBQ, Mr. Sautter had to bow out due to his move from Pennsylvania to the fine little hamlet of Port Deposit, MD. Schnetzler was a no-show because he was on the wrong side of the country, while Turner was attending his high-school reunion (which probably rivals the Rogue in terms of behavior). Jaybird Erbe had family commitments that kept him mercifully without a golf club in hand. The usual expected no-shows (Walter, Luigi) were once again, no-shows. Of those in attendance, no one appeared willing to admit playing any golf all year and all players loudly proclaimed themselves worse than the other. A typical Rogue Cup starting point.

In the not-too-distant future, in what will be known in Rogue lore as the closing chapter of the "Deep Creek era", it's only fitting that my recollection and ability to achieve an accurate recounting from sketchy notes is getting sketchier than ever. WIth that disclaimer, thus follows the brief events of 2017 -

Wednesday - PA arrived on Wednesday afternoon to handle the usual opening routine of inspecting and readying the house; he greeted Goldy & William upon their arrival that evening, at which point they dashed over to Uno's for a late dinner (and more importantly, to get there before the bar closed). After returning and settling in for the evening, some minor gurgling noises began emanating from PA's digestive system and quickly became volcanic, lasting the entire night and beyond the sunrise (I'll skip the graphic details).

Thursday - William & Goldy departed for Lodestone, leaving PA languishing in bed, desperate for even an hour of sleep. Finally rising from the carnage of Wednesday night and sporting a ghastly pale demeanor, PA gathered himself together and made it to Lodestone's first tee barely in time. Goldy and William had left an hour earlier. The group enjoyed a nice outing at Lodestone under overcast skies, although PA retired after staggering through 12 ugly holes; concerned about making it home without a bathroom stop, he headed straight back to bed. (there is a vague recollection of Smith arriving while I wallowed in catatonic discomfort during the afternoon). Rumor has it that Goldy prevailed over William on the Lodestone round, although there are no scorecards to independently validate the performance. The remainder of the Rogue field rolled into town and William produced a tasty Carolina BBQ dinner (I think). A reasonably responsible amount of socializing proceeded into the wee hours of Thursday evening. No further details are available.

Friday - the group arose and meandered rather aimlessly until Mr. Berner arrived sporting the mammoth cold-cut platter; and the feast was on. The new format, initially proposed in pre-event emails by Smith, was finalized over the Friday morning luncheon - team format with NO HANDICAPS APPLIED. The 8 golfers would be paired up based on practice round scoring - #1 with #8, #2 with #7 etc. No handicaps, total team score. Cup would be awarded to the winner, all other prizes to be placed on loan to the Rogue Cup Historical Society for permanent display.

While loading the cars, PA noticed his bag felt a bit lighter than normal and discovered he was missing a few clubs (specifically 3, 6 and 9). If he continues losing equipment at this rate, someone following him around for the next few Rogue Cups will have themselves a complete set of nice Cobra irons. The gang packed their beverages and pointed their GPS westward for our first new venue in years.

The practice round adventure was a gently winding 30 minute drive from Deep Creek. Alpine Lakes Resort, in Terra Alta, WV, is an aging, strange little place hidden on 2,000 wooded acres about 10 miles from Garrett State Forest and featuring a 150-acre lake, a motel (excuse me, "lodge") and yes - a golf course. The 6,069 yard par 72 course offers a uniquely balanced design of 6 par fives, 6 par fours and 6 par threes - with the par threes being among the most challenging you'll play anywhere. I personally found all 18 holes to be challenging, although those par 3’s approaching 200 hundred yards were particularly irritating.

The practice round got off to a cloudy start, but by the turn the afternoon produced 68 degrees under sunny skies. The round can be summarized as lots of hacks, duffs, tops, balls into hazards, along with the usual 3 and 4 putts... the notable exception was Smith, who fired a best-ever Rogue performance of 84. Clearly the lack of alcohol was changing the face of the event. Upon weaving our way back through the mountains, the now-traditional Brenda’s pizza order was placed, with Smith loudly proclaiming the need for a “2 topping” rule. I don’t remember following that, but whatever.... at the end of it all, we still ordered one pie too many.

After dining, a brief beer pong skirmish proceeded - a singular (but epic) series involved the pairings of Goldy/PA vs. Smith/Ozy. The rest of the Rogues wallowed, bellies full of pizza and beer. Echoing Neil Young’s “rust never sleeps”, the four players topped the record for combined unforced errors, although both games became nail-biters in overtime. Goldy/PA prevailed in both tiebreakers, taking the series with scores of 26-24 and 24-22, finishing off the series with a flourish as they sunk it on match point. Following the traditional handshake, Smith snatched PA’s hat from his hands and spiked it to the floor in fury.

Following the beer pong exhibition match, the “lower level” crowd descended into a fierce battle of Hearts - a battle to the death involving Ed, William, Berner & Andrew. The evening closed with some final discussion of the proposed rule changes which resulted in a suggestion that the Socks should be awarded to best Sandbagger (defined as "most improved" over practice round). The motion passed unanimously.

And the final teams for the Rogue Cup were set based on practice round scores, as follows -

Smith and Berner

WoG and Andrew

Ozy and PA

Ed & Goldy

(At least, that’s what I recall - when I find the scorecards, I'll update the story).

This scribe went off to sleep at 1AM, as the quiet of early morning descended on the lake.

Saturday - the group could hardly believe the weather forecast - sunny, highs in the 80’s, not a drop of rain in the forecast. With the traditional (and always exceptional) Berner breakfast of eggs, bacon and English muffins, the group contemplated their second untried tournament venue. Founded in 1925 on property originally belonging to George Washington, Preston Country Club (PCC) located in Kingwood, West Virginia near the Cheat River, offers golf and “dining” to the public. PCC proclaims itself as one of West Virginia's longest golf courses at 7,001 yards (from the tips). About halfway into the drive to PCC, it quickly became like riding Space Mountain - rising and falling, bobbing and weaving our way through the mountains and fighting car sickness. Upon arrival, there was a definite sense that we had crossed into some hidden world - half “Caddyshack” and half “Deliverance.” We laced up our golf shoes, paid our greens fees in the little barn of a pro shop, and walked over to the driving range. Given its claim as one of WV’s longest courses, seemed very odd that the driving range was “irons only” and limited to 200 yds. In the distance, we could hear the mortar rounds and ammo echoing from the firing ranges of Camp Dawson, the National Guard facility adjacent to the course. We knew we were in for a treat.

After some chipping-and-putting on the driving range, a final last-minute rule change was slipped into the tournament to accommodate those with “abnormally small” drivers, essentially allowing players on par 5’s to hit their tee shot from the red tees! Clearly intended to neutralize any advantage someone (like PA) might have by hitting a driver more than 175 yards, someone (like PA) objected. He was hastily and curtly overruled by the angry mob waving their rubber-coated 7 irons and wedges. Thus sparked the controversy now known as “The Great Rogue Compromise of 2017”.

The torturous mountain drive to the course was rivaled only by the quality of golf. What follows are a few vague observations from my notes capturing the essence of Saturday’s Cup round at Preston:

- Berner hits a drive that narrowly misses a parked car; re-tees and hits his next one far right across the road.... only the finest players in this tournament.

- Ozy drives ball off the fence of the military fort, still manages to make par.

- The group unanimously agreed....Ed takes forever to play golf

- PA struggles early, improves dramatically on the back nine to card a 99; despite shooting almost 100, is somehow accused of being a sandbagger.

- B. Smith, while handling a home plumbing crisis during the round, cards a 90 but it’s not enough to offset the Berner effect on a scorecard

- Ed & Goldy win the Cup with 91/92 respectively (and shamefully).

- Goldy actually DOES win the biggest sandbagger (improves by 14) & takes home the Socks; William agrees to produce certification of transfer

After winding our way back home through the switchbacks, William (who was already on his way to MVP status for the weekend), staged a stupendous Championship BBQ in the absence of usual grill master Sautter. Showing the effects of 30+ years of doing this routine, we maintained a reasonably low-key night - nursing our various aches and pains as we were treated to a college football OT thriller from Texas/USC. Meanwhile, down in the lower level Goldy & Berner set about developing a plan for world peace that no one will listen to.

As we packed our bags on Sunday, there was an overwhelming vote supporting a return to Wisp as venue for 2018, should the lake house still be our destination. Perhaps most importantly, kudos has to be shown to William for all his efforts in researching courses, booking the tee times and handling Championship BBQ duties. There is no doubt he earned his planning MVP for all his work on the 2017 event.

PostScript, May 2018- the Rogue Cup HQ has sold....we are North Carolina bound for the 2018 Cup. See you all there!

2017 Photo Gallery Here:  https://photos.app.goo.gl/QVxmwu5Dkh1KaY6n8

[rogue-cup-hq]

2016 Recap

2016 Rogue Cup

“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?”   ~ Steven Wright

2016 produced the longest Rogue Cup ever - a 6 day stretch involving non-productive consumption and terrible golf.  The prospect that our 16 year run at Deep Creek would end in 2016 due to the sale of Rogue HQ was also noteworthy.  Because of the possible sale, I arrived early to spend time before and after the Cup meeting with realtors and service providers, doing repairs - essentially, putting lipstick on the pig.  We were treated to phenomenal weather the entire week – sunny and clear, 75-80 degrees, with mild breezes.  It was all good.  

Other 'firsts’ in Rogue 2016 included William and Goldy proposing an optional ‘pre-round’ of real golf at Lodestone, which was an open-invitational for anyone interested.  2016 was also historical for the number of designated zero players (more on that later).  And lastly, B. Smith’s innovative choice of course beverage:  the vodka bladder.   More on that later, too…

The official roll call for the 2016 Rogue included most of the old faithful present and accounted for:  Turns, Andrew, Goldy, William, Sautter, B. Smith, G. Berner, Ozy, Jaybird Erbe & Ed Moore (and me, of course).  The notable absences – Schnetz, who was already expected to miss the Cup round, ended up missing the entire event due to a combo of work and play.  Also, Wook & Walter were once again absent, keeping their streak of good judgment (and missing the fun) intact.  Luigi completely ignored the summons to appear.  And we raised a glass to our lost friend, Tony Morgan.

The Golf Club of Oakland was again selected as our venue, as the Rogues embraced its somewhat forgiving course layout and reasonably sensible greens.

With all that as the backdrop, on with the recap...

Monday After an all-day flight, and a scant 4 miles from getting off I-68 to make my way down the backroads to the lake, traffic suddenly comes to a screeching halt and I’m treated to a 2 hour complete standstill on the highway, which brought me to the verge of rupturing my carotid artery.  Arriving at the house 2 hours later than planned, I frantically rummaged through the closet to find the few droplets of vodka left from last year’s event and used it to produce a pain-relieving cocktail.  I then kicked up my feet on the table, and enjoyed the 2nd half of Monday Night Football as the Eagles trounced the hapless Bears.  End of game, lights out…

Tuesday A quick pre-Rogue inspection of the property early Tuesday morning yielded satisfaction with the column removal work, and a clear recognition that I had to administer last rites for the ol’ dock, meaning Rogue 2016 would be its last hurrah.  It was buried in extremely shallow water, which created some navigational challenges that we dealt with while taking our cruises - but that was not to deter us.

Dave T. rolled into town on Tuesday afternoon, quickly planted his flag in the solo snore chamber, and with 2 Rogues present, the event was officially underway.  We retrieved the boat from the marina, took a cruise up to the Black Bear Tavern for a bite to eat, after which we returned to the house for the evening and enjoyed a tasty, wholesome CA brownie for dessert...the rest of the evening became adrift, with a few incredibly incompetent games of pool and some sports viewing.

Wednesday Turns & I take off in the boat to pursue a fishing license.  After overshooting the outdoor center by a half-mile, I wake up, reverse course and we managed our way there.  We quickly ended up back at home dock where Turns casted a few lines in the water with no success. Goldy & William arrived mid-afternoon, at which point we enjoyed our usual Rogue vices during a cocktail cruise before heading to Ace’s Run, a local waterfront bistro, for dinner.  At the end of our meal, the owner of Ace’s, a wonderful  lady named Brenda (of Brenda’s Pizza fame) came out and chatted us up ...she ended up promising Goldy that she would make a sliced meatball pizza if he ordered it, even though it’s not on their menu.  We wrapped up dinner and managed to get back to Rogue HQ with no DUI’s and proceeded to wile away the evening with beer and whatever…beer pong table remained in the closet.  Mellow Rogues, indeed.... 

Thursday After inhaling some magical French toast whipped up by Turns for breakfast, the ‘pre-round’ at Lodestone took place.  We played from the yellow tees, William won the day with some stellar driving and iron play (103), Goldy followed close behind (109) and I barely survived with an exhausting 112.  Notably, Turns shot par on the day (although it was a single hole, and a par 3 at that).  Although the Lodestone scores weren’t technically applicable to the Cup handicapping analysis (since played sober), the scores nonetheless lingered in the background and would provide some argument fodder on Friday evening.  

B. Smith & Mr. Sautter rolled into town on Thursday afternoon/evening, and the Rogue event was officially in motion.  Goldy once again brought an incredible Italian hoagie smorgasbord spread - the first of our 3 colon-challenging dinners of the weekend.  As Thursday evening progressed, only one game of beer pong was mustered, with Smith whipping me like a red-headed stepchild 21-16.  Many zero allegations were tossed around about William after his Lodestone performance, with the mob ultimately agreeing to defer further judgment until they reviewed his Friday practice round performance.

Friday We presented a field of 9 players for the practice round (Erbe and Moore were both absent, saving themselves for the Cup round).  Once again, there were no rookies in the 2016 event, and without Berner present, we again played without any oversight from the CT Liquor Control Board.   For the remainder of the golf narrative, I will present an unbiased version of the narrative and reference myself as “PA”....

As the Rogues pulled themselves together in the morning, we were treated to the now customary arrival of Berner carrying a massive cold cut platter, and his wine bladder.   Turner was again downing his famous anti-gout mixture of Crown Royal & Ginger; the remaining Rogues opted for their usual choices, includinng vodka and a variety of different beers (although Bud Light barely qualifies as a beer).

Turns practically set the practice round on fire, carding an 88 to lead the pack (and screw himself with zero status).  PA, lugging his usual vodka/lemonade, was a monster off the tees, and then monstrously bad from 150 yards in,  Wielding his irons and putter as if they were rubber mallets, he finished with a 98.  Ozy carded a respectable 91, and William was close behind with 94.  B. Smith finished at 95, losing to Turns, Ozy and William and creating an interesting question about his traditional zero status.  Berner, without his usual fairway humping companion, holed a birdie to start his round, and everyone thought perhaps this was his year (OK, no one actually thought that).  As expected, he settled in to a steady state of deterioration on his way to a front-nine 53, and then rapidly lost composure (and consciousness) on the back nine, DNF’ing on 14 and performing the first-ever "real-time organic fertilizing" of a course in Rogue history.  The players packed his cadaver into the car and set off for home while Andrew & Ozy headed to Brenda’s where they reenacted the “Great Pizza Overbuy of 2009”, arriving home with 3 giant (and 1 HUMONGOUS) pizzas; Andrew lays the blame squarely on Ozy, who simply shrugged and smiled....

We were relieved to see Berner regain consciousness once back at the house.  He rallied to an upright position and proceeded into the lone game of beer pong played that evening, squaring off against Smith.  Sadly, Berner lost on chug point and was not seen again for the balance of the night.

We received word from Erbe that he would stay in Cumberland Friday night, to assure a bed and a good night's sleep.  He may be a bad golfer, but he’s smart...  

As Friday night proceeded at Rogue HQ, the double par scoring limit format was again invoked for the Cup round, and established as a permanent rule until we get better.  PA then made good on his commitment to reverse his lax leadership of the past several years and hammered out proposed handicaps (with a blind assist from B. Smith).  Smith agreed to be zero alongside Turns, Ozy, William & Ed, despite losing to them all.  This decision turned out to be a shrewd tactic that neutralized others’ stroke arguments and allowed PA to do the unthinkable - base everyone’s stroke index against Smith, primarily on the practice round results, with recent performances sprinkled in for controversy.... and of course, the desperate plea from Erbe {via email) to be granted 21 strokes.

William slept through it all and awoke to find himself a zero, much to his dismay. After an extended filibuster by Andrew involving loud cries that “he would not be appeased”, PA invoked a first-ever Stroke Declaration deadline of 11PM and posted the final handicaps for everyone amidst virulent accusations of a vast conspiracy and Hillary-like conduct.  In the end, a record-setting FIVE zero players were designated (Turns, Smith, William, Ozy & Ed).  Ed was simply declared a zero based on his YTD performance and failing to appear for the practice round (no one said life was fair).  Two years earlier, PA was battered down and forced to accept a handicap of 3, which earned him the Socks in 2014; he knew he’d have nightmares this evening of taking another Socks win.  But since no one else was happy, it meant the handicaps were probably right. 

As the night drew to a close, Ozy grabbed his sleeping bag and marched off to commune with nature by sleeping on the dock.  He awoke repeatedly to the sounds of nature; eventually, soaked with layers of early morning dew and feeling the anxiety that a bear would come and deflower him, he retreated to the safe, dry confines of the house.

Saturday The customary Turner McBerners started the day, with Dave & Gary again whipping up the Rogue traditional dish.  Erbe and Ed arrived, looking fresh and ready for the day’s Cup round. Alcohol for the round?   $15 Golf balls?   $20 Ed’s facial expression upon learning he was a zero? Priceless.

With Ed & Jay lacking any of Friday’s collateral drinking damage, their predicted performance was the subject of much speculation....suddenly a brief controversy erupts when Goldy’s bag is discovered to contain an extra club over the permitted limit, but it quickly died down as the group agreed that even 5 extra clubs wouldn’t help him.  Beverage tracker showed Smith & Berner armed with wine, PA with vodka/lemonade, Erbe with Bloody Marys (yep), Turns with his Crown Royal, and most everyone else packing copious amounts of different beers.  And of course, Goldy, William & PA were all heading into uncharted territory with their 3rd consecutive day of golf.  Would fatigue set in?  Who would wear the Jacket?  Who would hoist the Cup?

Out on the course, carnage reigned.  In his inaugural round as a zero, Turns carded a 50 on the front nine, primarily due to a 10 on the 4th hole; he managed a 45 on the back, but it was too late....William didn't fare well from the outset with a 54 on the front nine (multiple double bogeys); he never recovered and finished with 107, making a legitimate case for 2017 that he’s not a zero - he took home the Socks (again).  

Meanwhile, Ed fired a 95, all the while vehemently protesting his zero rating.  Ozy & Smith snarled at each other all afternoon; Ozy carded a 92, while Smith, despite guzzling copious amounts of red wine on his way to a heretofore-never-seen level of Rogue intoxication (for him, anyway), managed to shoot an 87 and capture the Jacket.  

Berner managed to stay awake the entire round.  He notched a net 92 to put himself in solid contention for the Cup.  Goldy struggled to a front nine 53, and  staggered home with a 57 on the back to take himself out of contention.  Andrew started his round with triple/double/double/triple and never looked back, finishing with a 107, net 103.  Sautter had a rough start with his opening tee shot, but then got back on track - - - until taking a 10 on #12.  Still, he quietly carded a 102/net 94 to put himself in the Jacket fight.  But PA lit up the front nine with an incredible 43, after which fatigue and alcohol set in - he triple-bogeyed #10 & 11 and eventually hacked his way up the 18th fairway for a 51 on the back.  Still, his front nine performance allowed those 3 measly stroke credits to score him a net 91 and nudge out Ozy and Berner for his 3rd Cup.  

And Jaybird Erbe, who was given the entire allotment of 21 strokes he asked for, managed to haul in the Shirt with a solid 120.

Back at the house, after awards were presented, PA and several others took the Cup on perhaps its final celebratory cruise across the azure waters of Deep Creek Lake, during which a few of the historical scorecards went flying in the wind.  After the crew returned to dock, Dave Sautter sparked up the grill and delivered his usual incredible BBQ of burgers, brats, potato salad and such.  Meanwhile, Ozy took a post-round nap on PA's bed….

The Rogues again mustered only a single game of beer pong.  In a contest riddled with unforced errors, PA slaughtered an apparently helpless Berner 21-5, while another late-evening Hearts game eventually materialized between Ed, Berner, Smith & Andrew.  I have no record of the outcome, but assume there was one.

Sunday Another round of quasi-Turner McBerners (and whatever else was in the fridge) served as breakfast, while the gang debriefed on the event.  William, after 2 Socks awards, maybe should receive some stroke compassion in 2017; after all, he made a very strong case for being a non-zero with his 107.  There were claims that Ed was heard swearing he'd never miss another practice round for an Elton John concert.  There was talk all weekend of adding a Shoes award, but by Sunday, we still couldn’t figure out what it would be for… And there was general consensus in favor of the “Erbe Doctrine”, which would provide an exemption for any 3 time Shirt winner; such players would not be eligible to win another Shirt, meaning the next highest gross score would earn the Shirt, should an existing Hall of Shamer shoot the high gross.  This idea was heartily embraced by Erbe, who buried the Shirt deep out of sight in his bag.

After breakfast, the Rogues packed up one-by-one and hit the road… With still another full week at the house, I kicked back to watch Sunday football, and Andrew returned later in the afternoon to enjoy some quiet downtime.

And thus ended Rogue 2016....

As always, certain acknowledgements are due – big kudos again to Goldy for the Thursday food, to Berner & Turns for their valor in whipping up breakfasts, and Dave Sautter for his incredible Awards BBQ every year. And hats off to Andrew, of course, who handled tee time logistics, and the assist with Ozy for the pizzas, as well as dealing with whatever other stuff I may not be mentioning. To everyone else who brought supplies, helped with cleanups, etc., obviously a thanks to you, as well.  Most of all, I’m just always appreciative for everyone who is able to make the trip and spend a few days doing this crazy thing – it was great to see all of you and it’s been sheer pleasure to host; who knows what the future brings - perhaps I can continue benevolent dictatorship in a new, exciting TBD location.  I know whatever happens, as long as we all continue to find ways to get together, it’ll always be special and cool no matter where we are.

With the 2017 venue in question, I once again offer my now-enthusiastic closing line ---- "California Rogue, anyone.... while I’m still out here"??

PA, Rogue Correspondent This 6th day of October, 2016

Postscript:

Upon arriving home, Erbe proudly modeled the Shirt for Sandy.  She was impressed…

I spent several days doing repairs and maintenance – wasn’t nearly as fun as the first week.

A close friend of mine from CA arrived to visit & we played 2 more rounds (Lodestone, Wisp) on Thursday & Friday in rainy, drizzling conditions; I discovered I was missing my 6 and 9 iron.  Ended up shooting 107 both rounds, and barely avoided breaking several clubs in anger.

A tree fell across the lakehouse driveway Thursday evening during the rainstorms, landing and stopping on the very edge of the shed, which saved both rental cars from being crushed.  It’s the small things I’m thankful for....

2016 Photo Gallery Here:  https://goo.gl/photos/KPiJanAfmM3oB9c3A

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2016 Rogue Cup, Fri scores & official Sat strokes and groups

Turns 45/43  88. 0 Ozy 47/44  91 0 Wm 49/45  94 0 Brian 52/43  95 0 Ed -no practice rd- 0 PA 49/49  98 +3 Andrew 54/45  99 +4 Goldy 55/46  101 +6 Sautter 51/52  103 +8 Berner 53/DNF 14 +11 Erbe -no practice rd- +21

SAT Groups: 1. Andrew, William, Berner 2. Turns, Ozy, Brian, Goldy 3. PA, Jay, Ed, Sautter

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2015 Recap

Rogue Cup -

Prologue (Fall 1985) - sitting quietly in his cubicle, he looked intently at the handwritten scrawl on a stack of paper forms in front of him while typing steadily on the keyboard, filling in line-after-line of data on the green screen glowing back at him. The morning was dragging on interminably forever for the young man, each second ticking off the industrial wall clock with a stubborn click that matched the other keyboards clacking in unison across the office.

Suddenly, the phone rang… he grabbed the handset quickly, and droned the standard company greeting into the mouthpiece. The familiar voice of his brother brought a smile to his face - “Hey, you wanna play a couple rounds of golf this weekend with Henry and some other friends of mine?”

The young man paused for a moment - “I guess…. But I completely suck at golf.”

“Don’t worry - it’s not really about being good at golf.”……

“OK – count me in.”

   *****************************************

30 years later – September 2015 - some things have changed – but I still suck at golf. The one constant is that great golf and drinking go together like – well, maybe they don’t go together. And so the ragtag band of Rogues converged at Deep Creek again for the annual 3 day symposium of good beverages and bad golf. Naturally, the details of the weekend become vague, even fragmented - almost dreamlike. So, I relied on the usual evidence (pre-event emails, a large collection of semi-focused pictures and a stack of crumpled scorecards) to help me piece together this narrative of the 2015 “competition”.

Woody Allen once famously said “80% of life is showing up.” So it is with the Rogue Cup weekend – 80% of the suspense leading up to the weekend involves who is brave enough to be associated with this debacle. Ed Moore returned, having been discharged from his remedial Russian golf studies. Gary Berner returned again, with a full bladder of wine in hand, in hopeless pursuit of another Cup. Charter Rogue Brian Smith also returned, fully healed from surgery and very intent (no, not really) on reclaiming the Jacket. Notably achieving the Triple Crown of consecutive absences, Jay Erbe was a game-day no-show, citing a variety of obstacles in his desire to pursue a day of decadent behavior. We may have to develop an attendance award to lure him back. David Sautter, also unsure about his attendance up until the last second, was able to carve an opening in his calendar and snuck out to join us. He brought his A-game (more on that later). The Wook was also unable to come for the 2nd year in a row, citing no specific reason (Wook, where are you?). Tony Morgan was unable to make the 2015 trip, so we all had to stay up way too late to provide Goldy someone to talk to. Zen Matt, after the previous year, figured the only plausible excuse for missing this event was to move to Florida. So he did. And Walt Price? Another year MIA …. Walt, we miss you. Lastly, despite efforts to draw two more G’Burgers, Jay Tome and Kevin Kinscherf, neither responded. We can only hope they might one day attend this thing we call Rogue Cup. And of course, the absence of Gary Ozenbaugh made for a much easier (and quieter) handicap negotiation session – the local CVS called to ask if Ozy would be in town, as they’d stocked up on ACE bandages and wrist braces for him.

But enough about the folks that DIDN’T show up. We had another exciting rookie appearance to report - defying enormous odds, Rick Chambers (AKA “the Captain”, “Weegie”, “Lou”) finally appeared in the flesh at the Rogue. Truth be told, even as Chambers stood facing them in the pro shop, the Rogues had still considered odds of his appearance at 90/10. Schnetzler, still smarting over his failed defense of the Cup last year, returned to chase history. And Turns was again battling the threat of gout, and on strict doctor’s orders to follow a regimen of swimming while under the influence of Crown Royal. The NC contingent was down to the pair of Goldy and W.o.G., both of whom had been fine-tuning their golf games all summer. And lastly, Mr. Katz, who has been a mainstay over the years, came with resolute commitment to play (negotiate) himself into contention for the Cup. As for me, rather than the usual redeye, I had been in Chicago for 2 days (for business meetings and sampling large quantities of my company’s products), resulting in arriving in worse condition than if I’d taken the redeye.

Since the weather always influences the nature of the competition (but not our consumption) - we typically watch the forecasts with high anxiety in the days leading up to the event. Not this year - 2015 goes down in the record books as likely the best weather for the Cup ever experienced at Deep Creek Lake (certainly on par with, or better than, 2012’s incredible climate). The Rogues were treated to an abundance of sun and warmth – leaving us to complain only about our lack of golfing skill, and whether we’d run out of vodka.

2015 will forever be remembered as the “Debut of Oakland”. After playing a test round in August, it was apparent that our long-held commitment to Wisp was in question. The course layout was still the same weird setup from last year. And still no putting green or driving range. The highest injustice of all? No beverage cart in sight the entire day. And amidst all the above, the arrogant pro shop hag still had the nerve to give Ed crap about wearing jeans. The same $70 price for a shittier product and an arrogant attitude was no longer tolerable, and a quick review of options led us to the Oakland Golf Club, where all the amenities existed, and best of all – negotiated greens fees to $35/round as a group rate. The Rogues voted unanimously to dump Wisp after many vague memories from our 15 years there. Following the trend from last year, we adopted for both practice round and Rogue round, 2014’s landmark decision to cap scores at ‘double par’ on any single hole. We also universally agreed that people could consume at whatever level they wanted, as long as we deemed it “enough” – so we basically universally agreed to nothing. And with the stage now set, here are the details of this year’s Rogue …..

- Thursday - Weegie texted assuring that he was coming this year. Vegas put him at 10% odds. Having risen hung-over at 4AM to make the flight from Chicago, I arrived at the lake a mere 8 hours later – greeted with warm sunshine, temps in the low 80’s. Amazingly, I’d remembered to bring the house keys (unlike last year). Also unlike last year, the internet and cable service were on. I had nothing to hassle with – I stared blankly in wonderment for a moment before opening the windows and retrieving basic supplies from the owner’s closet. B. Smith was the first to arrive for Rogue 2016 – after a brief “hello”, he moved like lightning to claim the lower-level solo room. Turns arrived shortly thereafter, followed by the rest of the gang, at which point the party was officially sanctioned and mucho “congeniality” was underway. Turns wasted little time heading for a detox swim in the lake. Goldy again took the lead on Thursday dinner to avert any risk of DUI, this time bringing an incredible, gastro-intestinal challenge of delicious Italian deli meats, which were quickly turned into subs, then into stomach contents, ultimately turning into….never mind.

The balance of our first evening was the usual pursuit of sedentary activity (Hearts) and beer pong. Goldy and Smith took on “the Daves” (Turner & Sautter), but since I’m writing this 11 months later, I have no recollection of the outcomes on either level. The group barely made midnight, and boom-boom, out went the lights for most of us.

- Friday - Maintaining our great tradition, Turns started the day cooking the usual “Turner McBerner“ load-up: it remains the official breakfast sando of the Rogue Cup. We demolished the food like a flock of locusts and then wiled away the morning in usual fashion: doing a lot of nothing. Turns hit the lake for a swim, B. Smith watched and did a vigorous stretching regimen on the dock; everyone else digested (and divested) their food and got in the proper frame of mind.

After lunch, we loaded ourselves into cars and headed to Oakland for our first shot at The Golf Club of Oakland. Friday offered up glorious weather - sunny skies, and perfect temps (mid 80’s)… As we began to load our golf bags for Day 1, the equipment choices were again notable: (did Schnetz revive the Killer ‘Bee after retiring it the prior year?) Turns again grabbed the “Billy Baroo” (my 40’s-era hickory shafted putter). He was feeling that 2015 was a moment of destiny – or maybe it was that last cycle of deep breathing exercises before we left for the course. After two years of donating greens fees to a course with no driving range, no putting green and worst of all, marginal beverage cart service, the Rogues headed forth to Oakland for the first round on a new course in many years.

Opened in 1937, the Golf Club at Oakland offered a course in decent shape, and a reasonably challenging layout that is a bit more forgiving than Fantasy Valley (AKA Wisp). Unlike Fantasy Valley, whose first hole punishes the average golfer with a mean-spirited LONG UPHILL dog-leg left par 5, the first hole at Oakland is a reasonably SHORT par 4 dogleg left DOWNHILL, far more kind and forgiving to us shitty golfers. At 2:30PM, the ‘lead dogs’ group for the Rogue handicapping round (whomever that was) tee’d off and led us around our new venue. Some things never change: we hit trees, we lost balls, we dug divots – and the now-traditional pairing of Berner and his wine bladder with Schnetz and his lite beers. The two of them managed a reasonable pace, although we missed the nostalgic fairway cackling and rolling of years gone by. As a tribute to the two of them, Andrew did offer up a gymnastic tumble/barrel-roll on one of the greens…fortunately he avoided injury. As our last group putted out, we marveled at the fact that none of us had been threatened with expulsion from the premises. Are we growing up? Noteworthy golf highlights from Friday included Sautter’s sub-100 score, which left him threatened with zero status and in clear and present danger for the handicap negotiation session. The entire field drank their way around the course in true Rogue style. With Ozy absent, Brian held solo ‘zero’ status, despite whatever he shot. I kept with the standard vodka/lemonade, and recall hacking and chopping my way to a triple digit round. While I’d love to offer more info about the practice round, details of the day elude me, as apparently do any recollections from the other Rogues. None of the handicap round scorecards survived and a request for specific highlights from each foursome yielded blank stares and radio silence, so no further record can be provided.

Andrew handled the usual Brenda’s pizza order (3 pies – we appear to have mastered this part of the weekend after a decade of trial and error). After exhausting themselves on the course, the group actually proceeded through an evening of moderate, irrationally-reasoned arguing over strokes – seems there is a subtle shift in handicapping strategy, where everyone remains agreeable on Friday and then goes for a Saturday last-minute negotiation – this flouts the tradition of Friday night marathon debates, and may signal another sign of age-related passive resignation of our fates. Certainly not the spirited debate that the Founding Fathers originally contemplated. But I digress…. The usual battles of Hearts proceeded around the dining room table downstairs; anyone remember what happened? I don’t…. the weary Rogues staggered off to bed one-by-one, pondering the mystery of handicap discussions to come, and wondering whether Weegie would actually show up…

- Saturday - Berner arose early, hit the kitchen and tasty McBerners appeared. As breakfast was downed, some last-minute handicap negotiations ensued…..none of which I can remember. This year, we didn’t adopt the 2014 mercy rule that capped scoring at “double par” to speed the pace of play (a rule which had figured prominently in the 2014 Cup outcome). And so, as we all buried our required Rogue “ingredients” in our golf bags, and headed south to Oakland, the annual vague-resemblance-to-golf known as the Rogue Cup commenced…..although the forecast called for another beautiful day, the decision (now permanent) was consciously made to leave the prizes back at Rogue HQ.

And yes, it finally happened. Pigs were seen flying and the Weather Channel reported ice flowing in Hell when Weegie emerged from his car at the golf course. At long last, the oddsmakers were wrong….

Saturday provided bright, sunny skies and temps in the 80’s. Possibly one of the best years of weather in the history of the Cup. And again, we had a suspense-filled battle. While I would love to recap the dramatic details of the 2015 Cup round, I can’t find the scorecards to provide a blow-by-blow description. The short story is that we all blew…. An ominous start to my round was a golf cart that died on the very first hole (guess it didn’t want to suffer the indignity of being associated with my round). Once safely back home, we tallied up the damage….and continued drinking. As expected, B. Smith showed his zero form and walked away with another Jacket. Andrew & Turns ended up in a deadlock and agreed to a lakeside chip-off, closest to the light post --- Andrew prevailed – and finally, FINALLY at last won himself a Rogue Cup. Schnetz happily donned the Shirt, loudly proclaiming “thank GAWD I didn’t have to bring that frame”…. And Sautter’s incredible handicap round hobbled him with too few strokes, and paved another road home for him with the Socks.

Sautter quickly put the Socks down (and out of view), then fired up the charcoals for another phenomenal BBQ (burgers, brats, the trimmin’s, slaw, etc.) as the evening sun fell in the sky. In a rare and amazing display of initiative, Turns gathered some firewood with the help of a few others and lit a fire by the lakeside, where the Rogues gathered ‘round and, well….. drank some more. Eventually retreating indoors, Weegie led the beer pong charge, taking the group back to a time when we stayed up past midnight. Amazingly, we went well into the wee hours of morn, as Chambers was lightning-in-a-bottle on the table – he soundly beat Goldy and then teamed with Ed to knock off Berner and Goldy. Berner subsequently went to “sleep”, having consuming all but the tiniest amount of his wine bladder. I have no recollection of games of Hearts being played, but they may have happened. Chambers turned off the lights at 2AM, declaring the Rogues “a bunch of lightweights”….

-Sunday- As happened in 2014, we found the Cup on the kitchen counter, draped in Berner’s almost-empty wine bladder. Those interested in eating scrounged for the remaining Turner McBerners as we reflected on the pondered the questions that had been presented last year, and whether we addressed them – 1. Yes, we were able to scrap the mercy rule and return to real golf scoring, thanks to the change in venue. Oakland received a hearty thumbs-up as a permanent venue, should Wisp choose not to restore the basic amenities at Fantasy Valley. 2. “Are we at the age of being physically incapable of sustaining (2) consecutive rounds of alcohol-soaked golf?” No, we declare – we all seemed to survive the event with minimal bodily damage. 3. “Are the Rogues’ aging digestive systems proving not up to the task of Brenda’s pizza?” don’t think we answered this one – still up for debate. 4. As for Thursday night being “a little quieter, mellower”, I don’t even know how we determine that…

After breakfast, we did our usual quick clean-up, and the Rogues hit the road…. I made it back to Petaluma around midnight, on the usual schedule.

I want to acknowledge Goldy, Berner, Turns and Dave Sautter for all their work producing the food for a staggering, hungry crowd of Rogues. And to Andrew, who helps me every year with a variety of tasks, including working on tee times, always willing to drive for the pizza and dealing with other miscellaneous details I’m forgetting. To anyone else I left out, thanks to you, also… I’m always appreciative for everyone who is able to make the trip – it was great to see all of you.

On another note, this recap isn’t complete without mentioning the deep sadness I’m sure everyone felt upon hearing the news of Tony Morgan’s passing a few months after the 2015 Cup. Although I’d only shared a couple of fun times with Tony (namely, his visits to this event), he still somehow felt like a life-long friend; I’d just taken for granted that I’d see him again…and now our lives are just a little bit emptier because we won’t. There is nothing equal to the gathering of good friends to share old stories, create new ones and then look forward to doing it again. Here’s to you, Tony….. you were loved, and you are missed.

As always, I’ll finish with my now-standard closing line ---- "California Rogue, anyone"?…. “anyone”??

Officially recorded this 3rd day of August, 2016….

PA, Rogue Correspondent

2015 Photo Gallery Here:  https://goo.gl/photos/KtaR5K4mTJ6A6Jdu9

[rogue-cup-hq]

2014 recap

Rogue Cup - Fall 2014 Recap….

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

- Rita Mae Brown

“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.”

-  Benjamin Franklin

                           *****************************************

September 11th, 2014:   The autumn chill in the air sounds the siren call for Rogue Cup.  Perhaps not knowingly, we nonetheless take the keen insights of Rita Mae and Ben as guiding principles as the group again assembled for our annual 72 hours of self-debasement that we call “golf”.  This year, frankly no different than any other, was difficult to recall – however, with a couple of helpful emails, a fistful of notes and some heavily-soiled scorecards, here again is my reconstruction of the event, based on available witnesses and photographic evidence.

Our story always seems to begin with who dared to show up and be associated with this thing.  The odd pattern of coincidental attendance involving Messrs. Berner and Moore was finally broken in 2014, due to Ed being assigned to remedial golf school in Siberia (really - he was in Russia, but not golfing).  Berner came to seek the Cup.  For the 2nd consecutive event, “Jaybird” Erbe was a last-second cancellation, with absolutely no explanation other than early onset anxiety about having to explain to his lovely bride why he’s bringing a framed pair of 20 year old dirty socks into their beautiful home.  The Wook was also unable to come, citing no specific reason (we suspect he misplaced his liver, and was unable to locate it in time).   And once again, do we even need to mention that the Captain was again “unavailable?”  Methinks he will never come to the Rogue, despite the fact that it’s nothing but harmless, self-contained old-man revelry.  Tony Morgan was too busy getting older (50th birthday party conflict) and thus unable to make it… and Walt Price?  This former Cup winner was unable to come yet again…. Tsk, tsk.  Most notably absent was charter Rogue Brian Smith, who was recovering from surgery and limited by obligations on the home front.  He spoke confidently about returning in 2015 to pursue the Cup and Jacket (if he had nothing better to do).  Lastly, we had high hopes (no pun intended) of perhaps seeing rookie appearances by Jay Tome and Kevin Kinscherf, but alas – neither could muster the energy; we’ll assume they’re in training for the 2015 Cup. 

But I digress – back to the folks that DID show up.  Schnetzler, after stealing the Cup in 2012 with brilliant handicap negotiating skills, returned to defend his title - we can only say his commitment to the spirit of the Cup was stronger than ever.  More on that later….  Turner, sidelined by wrist surgery a few years ago, was battling the threat of gout, which he kept under control with a strict regimen of daily water aerobics in the lake and copious amounts of Crown Royal.  The NC contingent was represented by Goldy, W.o.G and Zen Matt.  As usual, I took the Wednesday night redeye and was virtually speechless by 9PM on Thursday…  Ozy arrived with multiple doctors’ notes and a handwritten scroll from the Dalai Lama attesting to the fact that he wasn’t the ‘zero’.   David Sautter brought his usual smooth golf swing, and a well-conditioned liver and kidneys.  And of course, Andrew – unsure of his playing status right up to game-time, Katz managed to pack his ankle in enough ice to make a run (eh, walk…. eh, crawl) at the trophies.

A comment on the weather is in order, as it always seems to play a hand in shaping the personality of the event - we usually follow the pre-Rogue weather forecasts with high anxiety, and 2014 did provide some suspenseful moments.  But no hurricanes, no blizzards – just a touch of rain, along with some partly cloudy skies.  While it was nothing like the standard of 2012, when we had probably the best weather for the Cup ever experienced at Deep Creek Lake, we certainly had nothing to complain about.

2014 saw yet another step toward maturity (or apathy) as there was less arguing and overly kind and reasonable handicapping (perhaps we just need Smith to stir the pot – no pun intended).  Most notable was a deviation from traditional scoring that was forced upon the Rogues after the handicap round; this change played a pivotal role in determining the 2014 Cup winner.  Ah, but I get ahead of myself…more on that later.

With a field of 10 players committed, and the above as our setting, here are the details of this year’s Rogue …..

- Thursday -

 After the usual 14 hour journey from Petaluma, which included the final 2 hour drive through torrential rains (naturally), I arrived at the lake Thursday afternoon without any means to get into the house (I’d left the house keys resting comfortably in their drawer back in California).  A quick phone call and our new rental manager, Adam, let me in - at which point I then had to break into the owners closets to get the basic supplies (and the beer pong table, of course).  I also discovered there was no internet service, which nowadays is like having no electricity.  Another round of phone calls to the local cable dolts yielded nothing, but again – Adam, came through in a pinch and provided us his portable 4G hotspot, which got us through the weekend.

 Thursday afternoon was rainy, temps in the 60’s; in other words – as expected.   Turner was the first to arrive, and moved like the Flash to score the solo bedroom on the lower level.  Goldy and Matt followed, Goldy marking his usual territory in the laundry room isolation chamber, Matt happily going “wherever”.  The rest of the gang, except for Ozy and Berner, arrived in due course and the remaining beds and floor spaces were spoken for.  The afternoon/evening proceeded with Turns and PA taking a shot at beer pong, except the beverage of choice was Crown Royal & ginger.  A quick swim in the lake for Turns renewed his party spirit. The beer pong didn’t last long…. However, there was a lot of other “congeniality” underway.  Goldy, knowing that no one in this group should operate a vehicle after being together for 30 minutes had brought a large pot of tasty chili and an abundant supply of colon-busting hot dogs that substituted perfectly for the traditional Thursday night cheese steaks.  Following the meal, and the dispersion of the ensuing cloud of methane, a notably dull NFL game featuring the Ravens crushing the rival hapless Steelers almost put us to sleep.  The balance of the night was the usual - sitting, sitting, drinking, beer pong…. And naturally, some vintage Goldy political rants, which kept reappearing like a bad case of hemorrhoids.   The group collectively didn’t make it past midnight, and Goldy was left lamenting the absence of fellow night owl Tony Morgan, who would always stay up and keep him company.  Thirty-plus years of Droidian/Rogue wear-and-tear appear to be taking their toll ….. Down goes Frazier - the lights went out for most of us by 11:30 (‘ish)….

- Friday -

Maintaining another great tradition, the day started with Turns at the stove whipping up his legendary “Turner McBerners“ -  the tasty breakfast delicacy designed specifically for a Garrett County hangover, and proven to be hazardous to the local septic systems.  The gang chowed, and some preliminary handicap whining began.  With afternoon tee times again, the Rogues had several hours to get in the proper frame of mind, so we did.  Mr. Berner marked his arrival in grand fashion, striding into the kitchen with a massive cold-cut sandwich platter just in time for lunch.  Like most of our fairway shots on the weekend, no one came close to the greens on this platter, either.

Friday offered up some drizzling skies, but mild temps (high 60’s)… As we began to load the golf bags for Day 1, the equipment choices were again notable:  Schnetzler declared that he was retiring the Killer ‘Bee; it had lost its sting.  And Turns, for the 2nd year in a row, placed his chips on “Billy Baroo” (the 40’s-era hickory shafted putter from PA’s antique clubs); "Billy" was dropped into Turn's arsenal of lethal weapons.  Yes, indeed - nothing but the best equipment for the Rogues.

This year was also noteworthy for the controversy over Wisp as our venue.  Andrew found himself again at odds with the Wisp pro shop, who had rejected his polite request for a discount on greens fees.  Research and debate into alternative venues was underway when I finally reached the Wisp Sales Dept to plead our case.  The kindly ladies in the resort's Sales Dept overruled the pro shop and graciously extended the discount to us, even going so far as designating the Rogues as a legitimate “golf outing”.  Their mistake…. Anyway, after paying for our passes, and facing the threat of impending rain, I dashed to the pro shop and purchased a drastically overpriced all-weather pull-over, thus guaranteeing no rain would fall.  As we went to get our carts, one of the course marshals – known only as Bill - cheerily greeted Andrew – “hey, I remember you…”  well, ‘nuff said on that topic.  Ozy pulled into the parking lot 5 minutes before our tee times.  Some things never change…

The “new” Wisp (now dubbed "Fantasy Valley") offers no driving range, and no putting green.  Without our usual opportunity to perfectly groove our shanks, hooks, slices and shitty putts, we headed directly to the new first tee of the redesigned course.   And yes, the first hole of the new course was the same old Wisp #3 (an unforgiving, monster uphill, dog-leg par 5). Our designated ‘lead dogs’ for the handicapping round were Schnetzler and Berner - they led us (rather deliberately) around the new course, Berner sipping steadily from his wine bladder all the way, Schnetzler enjoying his beers.  The two of them notched a patient, maddening, exhausting 6 hour round, and it was delightfully nostalgic to hear the fairway cackling (and watch the fairway rolling) again.  The round was so exhausting that Berner required a brief “nap” by the 18th green before heading home.  As our last group finished, we received a friendly warning from the course marshal about buying beer…. and wine….. from the cart girl, and firmly suggested a far brisker pace of play on Saturday.  Actual golf highlights on Friday were few and far-between, and not surprisingly, none of the handicap round scorecards were preserved.  Some local Druids probably burned them in ritualistic fashion, fearful they contained some horrible plague.  Schnetzler did provide a highlight moment from his pairing with Berner-

“On the tenth, Berner was in the fairway up on the left side, before the bell, in some trees. He caught all of his second shot, using a 3 or 4 iron. The ball hit at least 5 trees in front of him, then came right back past him, hit the tree behind him....and rolled just about back to the exact same starting point. I about wet myself!! I have no idea what his next attempt was..."

Despite ingesting a steady diet of Crown shots and deep breathing exercises (thanks to Turns), Ozenbaugh fired an impressive 95, reaffirming his ‘zero’ status.  I kept my standard vodka/lemonade on a steady intravenous drip, and stumbled to a surprising 98, basically screwing myself for the 2014 Cup round.  Goldy shot something in the low 100’s, setting himself up for the handicap negotiations to come.  I’d love to offer more about the practice round, but details of the day elude me, as apparently do any recollections from the other Rogues.  Worried that the Wisp marshals would huddle, reconsider the terrible insult their course had just been dealt and ban us for life, we swiftly loaded our cars with our loaded selves and trekked back to Rogue HQ….. except for Andrew, who made the stop and procured the traditional Brenda's Pizza order.

After the traditional Brenda’s pizza chow (3 pies, no broccoli, no leftovers - perfect), the group actually maintained a very mellow evening.  There was little discussion of handicaps; that would be saved until the morning.  With the absence of B. Smith, there were also no “Four Holes of Truth” posted, as occurred in 2012.  Perhaps the highlight of the evening was a beer pong game involving the tandem of Berner/Turner squaring off against Goldy & me.  After a disastrous start, and a seemingly insurmountable deficit to us, Turner came alive and began hitting the cup relentlessly.  B & T rallied to take the game on a chug point sink by Turns  Damn.  The usual battle of Hearts proceeded around the dining room table downstairs, with a smiling Ozy doing his best Machiavelli impression on the way to victory.  Meanwhile, the upstairs Rogues began drifting off into various states of vapor-induced catatonia.  The Risk board emerged for the first time in a few years, but it didn’t go far... several of us managed to make it past midnight, with folks slowly peeling off to bed one-by-one, anxious to dream of the handicap discussions to come, but really just hoping to shoot well enough to win nothing and not bear the burden of wearing the Jacket, or hoisting the Rogue Cup ……… 

- Saturday -

Berner took the reins in the kitchen and tasty McBerners appeared.  As breakfast was downed, handicap negotiations ensued - the Wisp marshal’s warning to us the prior day was front-and-center on the agenda.  Because of this, two Rogue Cup precedents developed -  first, it was the 2nd consecutive year that we had allowed Friday night to end without handicaps being set.  More significantly, the first time ever that traditional scoring was replaced with a mercy rule that capped any single hole score at “double par” to speed the pace of play.  Since handicaps had been negotiated on the actual (uncapped) practice round scores, the decision to adopt a capped scoring system thoroughly favored those gents whose golf games featured many “blow up holes”.  This ‘mercy’ rule figured prominently in the 2014 Cup.

As the group broke from the huddle, Ozy limped into the room wearing his usual assortment of ACE bandages and wrist supports.  After the usual lamentations, he remained the zero.  With our beverages of choice now buried discreetly in our golf bags, the group headed to the mountain and the annual “mobile bar” known as the Rogue Cup was underway….. Since the forecast called for intermittent rain, the decision was made to leave the prizes at home.

While Saturday provided a brief sprinkle of rain, we were treated to a few glimpses of blue skies with slightly cooler temps (mid 60’s).  As a result of the new scoring system, the Cup was a suspenseful battle from the very first errant tee shot.  However, as the day wore on, it became an unlikely battle between Sautter, Turns and Goldy.  More on that later - back to the front nine....  Off the tee, Sautter started his round with a double/double/triple/double, ended up carding a 58 on the front nine and appeared to be cruising comfortably toward reclaiming the Shirt.  Turner, holding an 11 handicap in his pocket, started strong with a 54 on the front nine, making clear to the field that he was in it to win it.  Goldy, sporting a generous 15 ‘cap, struggled from the start.  After 8 holes of play and several “mercy-cap”scores, Goldy’s card showed 57 - and he wasn’t even done with the front nine.  Following the disastrous (and mercy-capped) 8th hole,  we found him speechless, staring blankly ahead on the 9th tee, despite having had not a drop to drink.  It looked bad for Goldfarb.  But a strange aroma was in the air.... elsewhere on the course, Zen Matt fired a 62 front nine and, with a 10 handicap, was contending with Sautter for the Socks or Shirt.  Andrew muddled his way to the middle of the pack with a 57.  Although with a 12 handicap, he theoretically still had hopes.... W.o.G. was cruising along happily with his Zen Matt exemption, playing steady "WoG" golf.  And me?  With a 3 handicap, I was doomed after a 56 on the front nine ... I would own the Socks.  Ozy carded a front-nine 51, and led the pack.

On the back nine, strange things did indeed begin to happen.  Turns found his range as the Crown Royal coursed through his veins – a 47 on the back gave him 101/net 90 and he was front-running for the Cup.  Sautter likewise began to find his game, as described by fairway reporter Schnetzler: Sautter, hit a fairway shot about 225 out with a "Driver" off the grass. About knocked it up on the green.....it truly was a thing of beauty.”

Still, Sautter came up a stroke behind Turns in his pursuit of the Jacket, carding a net 91.  Goldy, following his lengthy meditation on the 9th tee, gently landed his tee shot about 6 feet from the hole and carded a rare birdie.  A string of needed bogies and doubles followed that wondrous birdie. Finishing with a par on the 18th, Goldy found himself with a 104/net 89, thus earning him the Cup by a single stroke.  And Berner, despite enjoying the highest handicap of the group (20), still couldn’t leverage the new scoring system to any benefit and notched a 113/net 93 to earn himself yet another trip home wearing the Shirt.  Ozy, with what can only be called an embarrassing 100, still managed to take low gross and don the Jacket. And yes, with a 108/net 105, I indeed claimed the Socks as mine.

The course marshals smiled and waved as we left the 18th green, thanking us for not harming ourselves (or them).  They seemed very relieved to see us leaving.  We returned home, our mental tanks on empty from the day-long effort imitating golfers.  As Dave Sautter once again fired up the trusty Weber and put on another legendary post-Cup BBQ (the usual burgers, brats, slaw and potato salad), the sun came out and shone upon us.  After a nice swim in the lake with Turns, both Ozy and Berner retreated to the hot tub for some mindless banter.  Seizing the opportunity for a unique awards presentation, I quickly assembled the Rogues on the patio.  In another Rogue first, the Jacket and Shirt were presented and worn by their winners in a hot tub.  There was a brief controversy as Turns questioned Goldy about not consuming any beverages on the entire front nine, and inquired whether front-nine sobriety affected eligibility or perhaps even constitutes de facto ‘Zen Matt’ status – certainly a legitimate question and not without precedent.  A similar issue was hotly debated in the early days of the Droidian Cup, when Jers attempted to assert a “Ketel One” stroke credit over Droidian and other players who had moderately consumed while Jers went full-tilt.  Goldy was finally awarded the Cup, although I would not be surprised to see B. Smith offer some commentary on this development.  Goldy, be prepared... Will a "Turner asterisk" be placed in the record books?  We hope not, because Goldy worked damn hard that day… of course, a few Old Milwaukee Light beers in his gut would certainly give him a stronger case to argue.

Following the Cup BBQ, the Risk game resumed.  Berner clocked out a tad early, having put so much energy into his round of golf (and having consumed the majority of his wine bladder).  Another furious game of Hearts ignited in the lower level, with Schnetz eventually claiming victory again on Cup night for the 2nd time.  He was able to offer some vague recollection of the moment – “Saturday night we managed a couple of games of Hearts, which lasted till 1:30 in the morning. I think that was the latest night, and some of the Hearts players may have had trouble sleeping after their crushing defeat... (Shot the moon on the first and last hand....imagine me doing the "dance").

Nope, the rest of us weren’t awake to have seen a dancing Schnetzler.  We do suspect Goldy would’ve slept with his newly-won Cup, but protocol doesn’t allow for that kind of behavior.   Lights out….

-Sunday-….

We awoke to find the Cup on the kitchen counter, draped in Berner’s half-finished wine bladder (a visual farewell note from Gary to all the Rogues).  Thankfully, and miraculously, Turns had the initiative to whip up a 3rd day of Turner McBerners for everyone. 

As we sat around the table and pondered the past few days, some interesting questions about 2015 were brought up –

Do we go back to pure real golf scoring, as we’ve done for 30 years, or do we play the humiliating “double par” rule, and concede that we don’t really want to know what our real golf scores are?

Are we at the age of being physically incapable of sustaining (2) consecutive rounds of alcohol-soaked golf?  1 round would certainly change the dynamics of the event and require dramatic change to any handicapping system.  Obviously, honesty hasn’t worked in the past, so what to do?  Dare we broach the idea of drinking less on the course, and seeing how we actually golf?  (I don't know if I could bear the prospect...)

Are the Rogues’ aging digestive systems no longer up to the task of Brenda’s pizza?  Perhaps we should go out for a nice, respectable meal at a place like Dutch’s (which is less than a half mile from the house, and really good food)?  I'm OK with this idea.

Should Thursday night be a little quieter, mellower?  I don’t even know how to approach or rationalize this one…  

After breakfast, a little casual hang time was followed by the normal cleanup and departure of the Rogues as they returned to home …. Goldy beamed a broad smile as he lugged the Cup to his car with him, while PA insisted on Ozy taking the Jacket with him (and clean it after the hot-tub presentation).  As for me, consumed by worry that some crazed renter would steal them, the Socks were carefully tossed to the back of the closet.  The house fell quiet by noon, save for Turns, Ozy & me -  we finished tidying up the house, caught the first half of the Sunday afternoon NFL game before locking up and heading out.  I made it back to Petaluma around midnight, and presume everyone else made it back safely, as well…..

To offer a serious note, I can’t give enough props to Goldy, Berner, and both Daves for their work producing the food for a staggering, hungry crowd of Rogues.  Also props to Andrew for working on the tee times, picking up the pizza and dealing with other miscellaneous details I’m forgetting.  To anyone else I left someone out, sorry – hard to remember everything…  

I’m glad everyone who made it could come – it was great to see all of you.  Every year, as I sit on the plane ride home, I reflect on how wonderful it is to have such good friends that gather every year to share old tales, create some new ones and then know we have the prospect of doing it again together a year later.  Props to you all for that.

I’ll look forward to staying in touch from time-to-time over the next 12 months, and I’ll finish with my now-standard closing ….

California Rogue, anyone?…. “anyone”??

Officially recorded this 21st day of September, 2014….

PA, Rogue Correspondent

[rogue-cup-hq]

2012 recap

Originally Posted 9/26/2012 4:08:00 PM

Rogue Cup - Fall 2012 Recap....

September 20th, 2012:   Keeping a 30+ year tradition alive, the Rogues assembled again for 72 hours of laughs, cards, games, sandwiched in-between a few rounds of stunningly bad golf.  As always, the event manages to bring out the best in all of us, or at least that's how we remember it.  ....

While 2011 saw the return of Gary Berner and Ed Moore, this year both were notably absent again.  Ed was forced to choose between western Maryland and Paris, while Mr. Berner was attending a wedding.  Something odd about how these two seem to come and go together for the Rogue, kind of like Siamese golfers.  The "Jaybird" Erbe was a last-second cancellation, simply unable to join in the fun this year (perhaps fearful of having to play golf 2 days in a row).  The Wook, who rarely misses an opportunity to black out, was also absent.  Sadly, he forgot which weekend was involved and negotiated his clearance for the wrong dates.  A non-negotiable parental visit now locked into place, Wook was forced to no-show.  Schnetz, after missing last year, returned and more than fulfilled his obligations to the event, scoring what perhaps could be the first known weekend trifecta (more on that later).  Tony also made his way back to the Rogue after missing 2011, just to prove that no one can pack a freezer bag filled with beer more efficiently than him. We missed Walt Price again.  Now having acquired a motorcycle as his primary means of transportation, Walt concluded that 72 hours of vertigo followed by a ride through the mountains would likely be a toxic combination.  And do I even need to say the following:  the Captain was again unavailable.  Will he ever make the Rogue?  We're beginning to wonder.  Turns, sidelined by wrist surgery in 2011, established the first ever "Sultan Ranger/Rogue Golf Association Official" of the event. This year he returned to the competitive field, and relinquished 'Sultan' duties to B. Smith who was limited by injuries to playing in the practice round. ....

Unlike past years where we rabidly follow the Weather Channel before and during the event, 2012 caused no angst.  This year delivered perhaps the best weather for the Cup ever experienced at Deep Creek Lake.  We have absolutely no explanation for this phenomenon other than the fact that the % of Gettysburg alumni in the group was lower than usual, and thus didn't create sufficient concentration to cause "the 'Burg effect." ....

2012 also saw an unusually mature shift to more traditional handicapping (more on that later).  As a reminder to the aging Rogues, PA posted the "10 Rules" outlined last year (reference your 2011 notes for the specifics).....

With the scene set, let's move on to this year's events.....

- Thursday -

Thursday afternoon was pure sunlight, with temps in the 70's as we cracked our first beverages down by the lakeside.  Turner & Smith arrived first, happily scoring themselves spots in the lower level beds and almost immediately hitting the beer pong table.  Goldy arrived and marked his territory in the isolation chamber.  The rest of the gang followed, and fanned out to the remaining beds and floor spaces.  Prior to arriving, Turns made several attempts to arrange limo shuttles to/from the course on Friday and Saturday, and once again, the local limo hillbillies ignored 5 voice mails and we were left to fend for ourselves.  The evening proceeded with the occasional beer pong game and a lot of "congeniality".  Goldy and Smith continued their reign over the beer pong table, mocking the crowd for lack of challengers.  The usual games of Hearts spun up downstairs, and Dave Sautter took control of the now-traditional Thursday night cheese steaks from Brenda's.  As we waited for Andrew's arrival, there was much talk of splitting his cheesesteak 10 ways, but Andrew showed up in time to fend off the hoard and eat his dinner.  Following dinner, the marvels of modern technology were put to a critical test when we discovered there was no NFL Network on cable.  PA grabbed his iPhone, fired up the NFL Mobile app, connected it to the TV and we were able to watch the NY Giants pound the Carolina Panthers into oblivion.  The balance of the night was a blend of sitting, sitting, drinking, beer pong.... the group made it past midnight (except for PA, who went coma at 11PM after 2 days without sleep), although the gang did close down noticeably earlier than last year.   Either we're growing up, or the effects of aging are becoming evident.....

- Friday -

The day started with Turns at the stove, whipping up "Turner McBerners“ -  a tasty pile of breakfast sandwiches designed especially with hangovers in mind.  The food was consumed in record speed.  With tee times starting at 2PM, the field of 11 players had several hours in the morning to get in the proper frame of mind.  2012 may forever be remembered for the special equipment choices - Turns opted for a 1940's-era hickory shafted putter from PA's antique clubs (promptly named the "Billy Baroo"), while Schnetzler wielded a new 7-iron he scored at a yard sale for $2.99.  No one can question our commitment to excellent golf.  Friday offered up another day of sunny skies, with temps in the low 70's. We headed to Wisp, quietly checked in at the pro shop without any ruckus and promptly went to the driving range to waste time shanking, hooking and slicing buckets of balls into the Wisp hillside.  As the handicapping round got underway, there were a few highlights to recall.  Very few, actually.  The scorecards do tell some stories:  as expected from the 'zero', B. Smith glided to a smooth 86, carding 6 pars (and the only sub-100 score on the day).  Goldy was 2ndbest, marking a 100 with only a single par on the day.  PA looked to be cruising nicely toward 'bogey golf' on the front nine when he took serious body blows on the 8th and 9th holes (notching a combined 8 over par).  After recording a 10 on #15, Tony bandaged the wounds and finished strong with 2 pars on the final three holes; he and PA tied at 103. Ozy finished with 104, placing himself in a precarious position for the Cup round.  Perhaps knowing what was to come; he seemed at peace and resigned to his fate. Turns had to fight off a tenacious sand rake on the back nine that grabbed him by the leg; he bravely managed to finish the round despite being fearful of additional attacks.  On the flip side, in a strategically disastrous round of golf, was Will Schnetzler - staggering through a 7, 9, 9, 10 stretch on the back nine to end with 124 (the $3 club was looking like a lousy investment).  He earned bragging rights to the "Jay Erbe Practice Round Endurance Award".  W.o.G., in an eerie parallel to his performance last year, flailed helplessly to a disastrous opening nine 65, only to pull it together for a crisp 46 on the back.  Last year, he shot a front nine 62 before gathering his wits to shoot 46 on the back. Worried that the Wisp marshals would take up arms and forcibly remove us from the course, we moved quickly under the fading light to find our cars and hurry back to Rogue HQ.....

Andrew and PA picked up the pizza en route from Wisp and the traditional Friday night chow proceeded upon their arrival. With food in belly and drink in hand, the "Committee" (PA & B. Smith) applied sophisticated algorithmic analysis of the scores to create surprisingly fair handicaps for everyone (all players were given 80% of their strokes against Smith's score, and Ozy was given 1).  The collective happily accepted the results, and as the numbers were placed on display using the key holder by the back door, Smith declared the document should be forever known as "the Four Holes of Truth".  A brief and futile attempt by Ozy to assert his right to set everyone's handicap was quickly muted.  The usual nonsense then ensued, with card battles around the dining room table, while upstairs Rogues drifted off into various states of napping, vaporizing, semi-consciousness or outright snore-fests… everyone dreaming of wearing the Jacket, or hoisting the heavily-tarnished Rogue Cup in victory.........

- Saturday -

Turns once again jumped into action, and tasty Turner McBerners appeared (fortunately, the Garrett County Sanitary District had been notified of an expected increase in system usage; the high volume of flushing that followed on Old Chestnut Drive thus caused no alarms).  This year, the North Carolina contingent showed keen ingenuity in deploying ice-filled freezer bags to keep their beer chilled.  Smith, unable to play in the Cup round, graciously accepted "Sultan" duties for the day.  Once loaded (metaphorically speaking), the group headed out to the course and the annual hack-fest known as the Rogue Cup was underway.....

While Saturday provided a brief sprinkle of rain (a token reminder from the gods), it was otherwise partly sunny skies with slightly cooler temps (mid 60's).  The battle for the Cup quickly became a showdown between the two highest handicappers – Schnetz, sporting a 30 from his atrocious practice round, and Turns, carrying 21 strokes in his reserve.  At the end of nine, it was a virtual deadlock, with both men scoring a single par to accompany their modest amount of "ugly".  Elsewhere, Zen Matt was in full Rogue mode, recording a variety of 6's, 7's, and 8's on his way to a front-nine 60. Ozy fired an opening birdie to go -1, then went +13 on the next 8 holes (so much for momentum).  PA matched Turns and Ozy with a front nine 50, creating a 3-way chase for the Jacket. Hole #8, the toughest par 5 (and top handicap hole), again cruelly dealt out doubles and triples to the field; not satisfied with a mere triple-bogey, Goldy chose to shoot 10 instead.  A short while later - Sautter, Andrew and Tony discovered that Goldy had eaten all the Oreos that Andrew had brought for the foursome to share…"I was starving", said Goldy.  ....

For reasons still unknown, the Rogues improve after steady drinking, as the back nine scores in 2012 again trended favorably for most players   after spewing a 9 on #11, Zen Matt reversed his tail-spin and notched a couple pars to card 45 on the back.  W.o.G. likewise righted himself with 2 pars on the back to book a back-nine 47.  Dave Sautter aimlessly meandered his way to a 56, tallying a 114 gross score on the day. Goldy, after firing a par to start the back nine, re-enacted the Hindenburg Disaster to score 61 on the back, 116 on the day and position himself for both high gross (Socks) and high net (the Shirt). Because of Rogue rules, no one can hold 2 prizes, thus the Shirt went to Goldy, and the Socks passed to Sautter.  In the lead group, the battle for the Cup was hot and heavy, as Schnetz fed on a steady diet of 6's and 7's to wrap up the day at 106 (net 76).  Turns, who chased him throughout the back nine, recorded 100 for the day.  Although besting Schnetz's gross score, Turn's handicap left him at net 79, allowing Schnetz to snare his first-ever Cup.  PA, long out of the hunt for the Cup, carded a 47 on the back in pursuit of the Jacket, but Ozy's back-nine 43 snuffed out Anderson's hopes and Ozy once again slipped himself into the famed red blazer and tie.....

The Rogues returned home, thoroughly exhausted, and despite a massive amount of work on the course, Dave Sautter had the energy to once again prepare an incredible post-Cup BBQ (burgers, brats, slaw, potato salad).  For the 3rd year running, Risk was left in the box untouched. But a game of Hearts ensued, and Schnetz finally claimed victory on the cards table. Following the trophy presentations, Smith and Goldy again scoffed at the group for lack of challengers to their beer pong supremacy.  PA and the now glassy-eyed Schnetzler accepted the gauntlet.  The game was over almost before it began, made evident after Goldy proclaimed "we weren't ready" (despite being the one who served the ball). In a stunning upset, the tandem of PA/Schnetz proceeded to crush the reigning champions 21-10, finishing off the game with a high-arc'ing sink on chug point to bring the weekend's beer pong games to a close.  Most everyone else was already asleep as Schnetzler beamed proudly at his trifecta of Hearts, Cup and Beer Pong.........

-Sunday-....

The morning brought an unprecedented 3rd day of "Turner McBerners" for everyone.  Major kudos to the Two Daves for food prep throughout the weekend.  Afterwards, it was the normal cleanup and departure of the Rogues.... Schnetz proudly carried the Cup with him, while Ozy didn't hesitate to quickly place the Jacket back on its hanger in the closet.  As the house fell quiet, I finished tidying up the house, did some laundry and enjoyed some Sunday afternoon NFL time before heading to the airport for my 15 hour cross-country trek.  I finally got home at 1AM PDT (4AM to my East Coast body time).....

Well, all I can manage to say with each year is that I'm thankful to have such good friends to gather with every fall – to laugh through the old stories, create some new, lasting memories (and some vague ones), and be able to look forward to doing it again with all of you.  Hosting this event is a pleasure because of all of you guys, and even though it's a l-o-n-g way to travel for a 3 day weekend, the fun of these few days stays with me for the next twelve months.  For the NC gang that I only see at this time of year, I'm very glad you've been able to make the road trip a fall tradition, and hope that it can continue.  It's great to see you every year.  I'll look forward to staying in touch, and I'll close with my standard farewell that I use every time -  ....

"California Rogue, anyone"?....

Officially recorded this 25th day of September, 2012....

[rogue-cup-hq]

2011 recap

Originally posted 9/21/2011 4:19:00 PM

Rogue Cup 2011 is in the books, and we marked another laugh-filled weekend featuring bad golf.   Never has this event been more accurately described than when Dave Turner commented on his participation in past Rogues - "I vaguely remember not much."  In order to help us recall the details of this annual event, here again is MY version of the 72 hour ordeal known as the Rogue Cup.

We always have to start with the Rogue weather - this year we kept an eye on the Gulf as it spun up hurricanes Kate, Lee and Maria.  But none of these ever truly threatened the event.  It rained on Thursday morning during the drive from Pittsburgh to the lake, but we scored another winning forecast in 2011 - while on the cool side (highs in the low 60's), the weather would have to be characterized as more than acceptable.

This year saw the return of Gary Berner and Ed Moore, both notably absent from last year's event.  Jay Erbe also had to miss Rogue, citing the same issue that held Moore out last year -  "sometimes life just gets in the way."  He did promise to consume commensurate amounts of wine at home, a commitment we'll presume he honored.  The absence of Erbe created a dilemma, in that he possessed the Socks.  In what had to be a first-ever moment for Avis, Erbe scrambled to BWI on Friday morning and met Berner, handing him the Socks for transport to the event.

The disabled list and absences were again notable this year.  Schnetz was unable to make it due to business travel to Arizona (he had to play in a scramble during a 3 day conference and promised to drink like a Rogue - we're waiting on the report).  Tony Morgan had been on an airplane for several thousand miles and multiple time zones in the prior 7 days, and there was concern that he might actually travel through time if he spent any additional time on the road.  By the time he figured out what time zone he was in the Rogue was over, anyway.  Walt Price had something going on; I just can't remember what.  And yet again, the Captain was unavailable.  Will he ever make the Rogue, or will he always have to run errands that weekend?  Turns, sidelined by wrist surgery, was designated the first ever "Sultan Ranger/Rogue Golf Association Official" of the event.  Andrew, recovering from knee surgery, returned to play for the Cup after missing last year, and demonstrated his physical fitness by challenging the smart-ass Wisp pro shop dude in a 1-fall wrestling contest which he won in under 20 seconds (more on that later).  B. Smith, also returning after surgery, appeared in fine form and ready to recapture his place in Cup lore.  The NC Rogues appeared as ready as ever, with WoG arriving at Deep Creek fully intent on continuing his trend of 4 straight years of improved scoring (more on that later).  In a sharp contrast to last year, Zen Matt made a sound commitment to full Rogue behavior on the course. 

  We welcomed rookie Phil Pick.  Phil, hailing from Altoona, is currently retired (an immediate point of envy) and plays on the senior circuit (at night when he's asleep).  Like every good Rogue rookie, until this year he had not played in the prior 3 years or more.  The chances of the practice round delivering a high handicap were strong.  Why is he coming?  Because Andrew has been cajoling him to come for years, and Phil's wife said "you must go."(he married well).

The Rogue "jam session" was officially removed from the agenda of the weekend. 

2011 also marked a return to more traditional policies and guidelines regarding the protocol of Rogue handicapping and socializing.  In recognition of the aging Rogues, PA distributed 10 Rules, as follows:

If over 50 years old, let a sleeping Rogue lie….we obviously need the rest ("the Wook rule").

During beer pong, a social can be called at any time, other than in the middle of a point.  No indignant protests, no arguments, no complaining - it's the rules of the game.

At age 50+, the following senior division (geriatric) beer pong rules apply (in order to preserve liver function):a.       Sips on non-scoring points (socials) can be optional; after all, we're drinking a TON, anyway.b.      Beverage (beer or cocktail) need not be "chugged" on chug point.  Guzzling it down within a few minutes of leaving the table should be sufficient

In order to be eligible for the next year's Rogue, you have to finish the 18th hole with all clubs and bag still on the cart.  Blacking out or discarding your clubs will automatically disqualify you for one year to allow you to de-tox.

PA will not order pizza unless no other Rogue is capable of speaking English.  We'll call this the "Babble rule".

Live sports takes precedence over all other television programming, unless the live sporting event is bowling or a WNBA game.

Rogue victory traditions should be followed

The holders of the Cup and Jacket are responsible for bringing these items to the course to be awarded following the round.  Andrew is in charge of reminding PA!

PA and B. Smith will responsible for reviewing and tallying the scorecards and announcing the winners.

The Jacket and Cup winners will be presented their "prize" by the current holders.

The new winners must lead the group in a toast at a local drinking establishment, suggest either the Wisp (DC's Bar) or the Black Bear Tavern.The other players will buy the round.

Handicaps must be argued and finalized on Friday night

The Zero(s) will be determined by Friday's practice round scoring.  Any player within 2 strokes of the lowest score on Friday is a 'zero'.

Handicap should be largely based on Friday practice round scoring and performance history in past Rogues (this can be the "Hey, PA - All Those Other Facts Don't Matter" rule).  Three important clauses to this rule:

Clear evidence of practice round terrorism must be confirmed unanimously by all members of the foursome.

If you don't play a complete practice round, you are assumed to have scored par on all non-played holes, and have no rights to gripe or whine.  This is the "Ozy Rule".

Ailments do not affect handicaps; we're all old, limping and in pain.

So with all of the above as background, let's move on to this year's events.

- Thursday

Turner, B. Smith and the Wook arrived earlier than normal and in doing so, happily scored the lower rooms for themselves, while Goldy took his usual spot in the isolation chamber (utility room).  With Berner on Friday choosing to nest in the Smith/Wook closet, the lower level became a Gettysburg majority for the first time ever.  The rest of the gang arrived over the next few hours, and fanned out to claim the remaining beds and floor spaces.  From this point on, recollections become hazy (as usual).    Turns, in a rare departure from our normal attitudes, made several attempts (in vain) to arrange for limo service on Friday and Saturday, to avoid the risk of DUI.  The dumbass never called us back, and after deliberations, we decided on a designated driver program for Friday.  The evening proceeded with beer pong and general "congeniality", including Irish Tacos served up by WoG.  The beer pong displays showed the growing rust evident in our games, and no stats are recitable.  With the usual games of Hearts taking place in the lower level, Andrew again seized control of Thursday night dinner, procuring cheese steaks from Brenda's.  The rest of the evening was a blend of sitting, beer pong, sitting, drinking, beer pong ... The house closed down in the early hours of morning....

- Friday -

With the arrival of the Garys (Berner and Ozenbaugh), the field was complete with 12 players.  With later-than-usual tee times (3PM - 3:20PM) due to a Dept of Corrections scramble event being held at Wisp, we had several hours available to establish our proper frame of mind, which we did in exponential fashion.  The group headed to Wisp in the afternoon and upon arrival, was informed that our times had been moved to 3:30 - -  our designated Rogue tee-time coordinator entered the pro shop to inquire about moving the Friday golf up to Lodestone.  And while this writer was not witness to the conversation in the pro shop between the two combatants, he was eyewitness to what happened next.  Our Rogue coordinator and the Wisp dude storm out of the pro shop, jawing at each other.  Our Rogue made a generic (and perhaps accurate) comment regarding the percentage of fecal matter in the young man's skull, at which point the dude grabbed our guy's face as if trying to palm a basketball.  Within a second, our Rogue gently put his arm around the fellow's neck and in a humanitarian, if not medically advised, gesture tried to squeeze the fecal matter out of the guy's head.  He helped him gently down to the ground at which point the discussion was concluded with PA & Berner intervening.  Following this moment, Berner concluded that the calm environment back at Rogue HQ would be best, and he and Turner became designated drivers on the day.  The remaining 11 tee'd off shotgun on holes 1, 2 and 3 at 3:30PM, and the handicapping round was underway.  Highlights were few, and the scorecards do tell some stories:  PA is perhaps the most inconsistent, unexplainable golfer on Earth.  Despite carding 2 birdies and 3 pars, he couldn't break triple-digits, finishing the day with a double-bogey on #2 to card an even 100. Smith kept an even keel and finished with a smooth 92 to secure his 'zero' status.  The foursome of Ozy, Sautter, Wook and rookie Phil Pick only managed to finish 17 holes; extrapolating their scores to a full 18 gave Ozy a clean 96 - the only other player to break 100. Phil, easily earning the "Jay Erbe Endurance Award", carded a 70 on the front nine, then pulled his game together for a 63 on the back.  Despite an incredible first drive, WoG staggered to a front nine 62 before gathering his wits enough to shoot 46 on the back.  Zen Matt, with 4 pars, and showing full commitment to the event, shot a nice 102.  The #1 handicap hole (8) took its toll on the field, with Wook, Phil and W.o.G. all carding 10's.  There were so many snowmen on the board that it chilled the Wisp air by a full 5 degrees.  The field limped back to Rogue Base Camp to medicate.

  The now familiar handicapping whines from Ozy commenced as PA was quarantined from the phones while Andrew made the call for pizza; the traditional Friday night feast arrived a short while later.  With no broccoli. More beer pong commenced, and the familiar cans of Milwaukee's Best Light and Yuengling scattered everywhere.  As handicap discussions began in earnest, the wailing and plaintive cries from Ozy reached fever pitch.  Turns read aloud the prior year's email to remind everyone that Ozy's score was actually irrelevant - he could have had a leg amputated and played with one arm, and he would still have been given 'zero'.  That's how we roll.  Zen Matt remained unflustered and accepting of whatever fate befell him (or perhaps he was just asleep).  Wook quickly scribed what had been said of strokes given, and with some final minor negotiations between PA and Smith, handicaps were agreed upon and 4 'zero' players were designated (Smith, Zen Matt, Ozy, and WoG).

- Saturday -

Berner spun into action, and tasty Berner McMuffins filled everyone's bellies (and shortly thereafter, the toilets).  With the usual variety of beverages being prepared, Berner unveiled the Bota Box, a 3 liter 'bladder' of 2010 cabernet sauvignon that he declared his course beverage (a first for the Rogue Cup).  The group headed toward Wisp, with the exception of Phil, who was simply too exhausted to play after the practice round.

Unlike prior years, a real battle for the Cup never really materialized.  Most of the Rogues appeared to have nothing left in the tank after the previous day, and it showed on the front nine.  Zen Matt, participating in full Rogue mode from the 1st tee, shot a 59; Ozy and WoG both fired 50, while Smith carded 3 pars and a 45.  #8 was a cruel hole, with Ed, Goldy and Wook all carding 10's.  The high handicappers lost ground immediately, with Goldy and Ed Moore inking 58's, Andrew a 60 and Berner a Bota-soaked 61.  PA staggered out of the gate with 2 double bogeys, and a reenactment of "Tin Cup" on #5 gave him an 11 and sealed his fate.  Wook, having negotiated 3 strokes from Smith, figured to be a contender, but his 10 on #8 (preceded by quadruples on #4 and #5) took him out.  It appears this group golfs much better when hammered, as the back nine scores showed improvement for virtually everyone - we went from horrible to just terrible.  Zen Matt continued his own personal train wreck with a combined 22 strokes on holes 13 and 14, easily locking in the Socks.  Dave Sautter quietly stumbled to a 120 to grab sole possession of the Shirt.  Berner, fueled by his 'bladder' of cabernet, impressively scored a 48 on the back nine, while Smith carded 6 pars on the day for an impressive 87 and secured his choice of Jacket or Cup.  Ozy, whose back nine 50 earned him an even 100 was undoubtedly taking a strategic "stroking" for the 2012 event.  And thus B. Smith claims another opportunity to take home the Jacket.

The Rogues returned home, and Dave Sautter fired up the now-traditional post-Cup BBQ (tasty cheeseburgers, brats, slaw, potato salad and some skillet-cooked sphincter-burning peppers from the Smith garden).  When scores were tallied, Smith opted for the Jacket, leaving a tie for low net between Goldy and Berner.  In a newly-established Rogue tradition, the Cup was determined by a head-to-head beer pong game.  Berner, blind and staggering, still ran away with the game, taking home the 2011 Cup.  He "went to sleep" soon afterwards.  There was not enough left in the tank for the usual Risk players, and the game was left in the box for the 2nd consecutive year. 

A quick check on PA's efforts to restore long-standing traditions - - -  

*Handicaps were indeed set on Friday night

*The prizes were indeed brought to the course

*The field opted to go home and award the prizes

*Because of the limo debacle, the field opted to go home rather than risk DUI by going to a bar

Sunday morning was the usual pack-up and departure of the Rogues.... Berner was up and gone, leaving the Cup to be stored at the lake for next year.  Smith had no qualms about leaving the Jacket hanging in the closet.  Someone (help me here) volunteered to have the engraving on the Cup updated.

I say this every year, but it bears repeating - I'm deeply grateful to be able to come together every fall to laugh about old times, create some lasting memories (and some vague ones), and to be able to look forward to doing it again with all of you.  Hosting this event is a pleasure for me because of you guys, and even though it's a l-o-n-g way to travel every year for a 3 day weekend, the appreciation of good friendship stays with me for long afterwards.  I'll look forward to staying in touch, and I'll close with my standard farewell that I use every year -

"California Rogue, anyone"?

Officially recorded this 21st day of September, 2011....

PA, Official Rogue Correspondent

[rogue-cup-hq]

2010 recap

Originally posted 9/13/2010 12:42:00 PM

Well, Rogue Cup 2010 is over, and another weekend filled with great fun and bad golf is in the history books.  It seems that every year brings its own unique highlights and memorable moments (which if we don't write them down, become impossible to remember).  As a refresher, there are 4 coveted prizes at stake in this event: > The Jacket:  low gross > The Cup: low net > The Weegie (a/k/a Shirt-of-Shame): high gross > The Socks: high net With the above in mind, here again is MY version of this prestigious event.

We always have to start with the Rogue weather - expecting sun and warm temps on Rogue weekend is the equivalent of 12 guys trying to pool their pocket change to buy a single winning lottery ticket.  Well, we somehow scored the winning ticket this year - the weather was phenomenal, and while there was rain (as there must always be), it came on Saturday night after the BBQ.  And to top it off, on Sunday, we again were treated to beautiful weather for our travels home.

Rogue this year was notable for both the joys of seeing a long-lost Rogue, and the unfortunate absence of a few charter members of the event.  Dave Turner made his first appearance in many years, dating back to the days of the Droidian Cup.  We're guessing it's been 15 years.  Sadly, on the flip side, Ed Moore was consumed by family commitments and had to miss Rogue for the first time in many years.  And Gary Berner, fully intending to make the trip, was struck down by gout on Thursday and had to call on Friday morning and advise of his withdrawal.  There was much discussion on whether a substitute "cackling, fairway roller" could be designated in lieu of Berner - - it was determined no one could adequately fill his shoes and thus the Rogue rounds were much quieter than usual.  Jay Erbe made his 2nd consecutive year, but had to miss the practice round for the sadly justifiable reason of work; he justly compensated by having beverage in hand by the time everyone returned on Friday afternoon.

The wear and tear (or is it just aging?) of the Rogues is becoming evident.  Turner was reduced to fairway drops in lieu of tee shots during the practice round, and relied on the miracles of modern medicine to get through Saturday.  Andrew, recovering from knee surgery, was unable to play, and PA, as usual, was plagued with back pain after the practice round, not to mention the labral tear in his right hip that requires surgery (n-a-a-h).  On the flip side of the injury report, W.o.G. arrived at Deep Creek extremely fit and with a much improved golf game; more on that later.  Zen Matt arrived with a pledge of temperance on the course, and it showed in the direction of his game.

Last year's "brief jam session" was replaced with this year's "no jam session at all."  With almost everyone arriving on Thursday for the 2nd year in a row, it appears as of 2010 that the Rogue Cup is now officially a 3 day event!  Future jam session planning will be wholly dependent on Thursday attendance plans, as no one should have to hear what we do when we do whatever it is we do with those instruments.  2010 also marked a return to traditional handicap negotiations, as everyone seemed intent on thoroughly training for this year's Rogue by not golfing all year (or perhaps just not admitting to it).  Seems that no one liked last year's perfectly-objective, rational system of using recent scores and course ratings to dish out handicaps. So with all of the above as background, let's move on to this year's events.

- Thursday -  Dave Turner was first to arrive, and almost all other Thursday arrivals quickly followed (within about 15 minutes, everyone was there).  From this point on, recollections become hazy (and I'm pretty sure I know why).  Turns and PA went and retrieved the boat, only the 2nd time in the event's history that the "HMS Rogue" was at dock and available.  The last Rogue with the boat, we almost left Andrew at UNO's, and after getting him on the boat, he just giggled the rest of the night.  As the evening went on, Goldy and B. Smith quickly asserted themselves as beer pong table champions (although it wasn't pretty). A quick boatcruise at dusk put a few of the Rogues in the "right frame of mind" while the land-loving Rogues did the same back at home.  With the usual Hearts and pong competitions underway, Andrew took the initiative on food.  We sent a text to Schnetz asking where he got the cheesesteaks last year - upon receiving the "are you kidding??" response, Andrew grabs the phonebook and places an order for delivery to some place in Cumberland.  Now, if you're in Deep Creek, ordering delivery from Cumberland might as well have been ordering from Bismarck, North Dakota.  After a lengthy disappearance, and a valiant effort to meet the Cumberlanders halfway, Andrew returned with cheesesteaks from Brenda's.  The food was devoured within minutes.  It was the quietest 3 minutes all weekend.  The rest of the evening, to my recollection, was Goldy and Smith spanking all comers on the beer pong table.  The house closed down in the early hours of morning.... 

  - Friday - We receive the fateful call from Berner.  The field is now set at 11 players.  After a morning spent re-establishing our proper frame of mind, the group assembled it's sundry beverage containers and headed to Wisp.  Schnetzler meets us on the driving range, as he tunes up his Killer Bee with some choice shanks into the hillside.  Sunny, breezy conditions prevailed as our starter briefed us on the rules of the course and advises "no personal coolers are allowed, so I don't see those things in your carts".  Good man.  The foursomes tee off, and the round is underway.  As far as practice round highlights, I haven't received any detailed reports from the various groups, but the scorecards do tell some stories:  PA played bogey golf for the first 4 holes, and then reels off a double/triple/double combo on the remaining front nine that removes the cotter pins and allows the wheels to easily fall off; he finishes with 103.  Turns fares only slightly worse, mainly due to his 60 on the front nine.  Wook cards an 11 on #6, but still manages to beat PA by a stroke.  Ozy shows up on #4, warms up for 5 holes and then fires a 49 on the back nine....hmmmmm.  Schnetzler cards 101, and somehow still seems justified later in demanding strokes from PA - hmmmmm.... The "NC contingent" plays solid golf, with W.o.G. carding an even 100, and Zen Matt busting a 97!  Smith fires a 90 to lead the way.  The group makes its way back to Rogue HQ, and is almost instantly subjected to a few simpering handicap whines from Ozy (kind of like watching a guy take a practice swing).  A unanimous cry from the mob that PA is barred from ordering pizza allows Andrew to take "food control" again, and while doing a far more economical job than PA, was forced to promise never to order broccoli on a pizza ever again. More beer pong, millions of cans of Milwaukee's Best Light (a/k/a the "Beast") coming and going.  As handicap discussions heated up, there was fierce begging, pleading and lamentations from Ozy for strokes (there may have even been a teardrop in the corner of his eye).  Zen Matt sat calmly in full acceptance mode, knowing the heart-to-heart talk he had with his liver meant he wouldn't compete for the Cup.....and he was as serene as the Dalai Lama in acceptance of that.  

  - Saturday - We sorely missed our traditional Berner McMuffins.  After a pot of coffee and some bagels, the morning was filled with more desperate wailing, stamping of the ground and protests from Ozy; he finally achieves his desired result: in order to clam him up, the group allows an extra stroke for him (which proves crucial later). Armed with the appropriate assortment of containers, the group headed toward Wisp. For the 2nd time in 3 years, the battle for the Cup was, from the early going, became a matter of "Ozy v. Smith".  In the other groups, some interesting stories developed.  Zen Matt, having achieved complete transcendence, scored an 88, for a net 81 - clearly the low score of the day, but sadly ineligible for the awards.  In contrast, Erbe was brutalized on the front nine, battling like Odysseus against the Circes through the first five holes (double, quintuple, sextuple, triple, quintuple), he carded a 71 on the front nine.  A foundering battleship with massive damage and taking on water, Erbe made it back to port, although he easily secured both the "Weegie" and perhaps set a record for the earliest ever in a round that someone locked in the Socks.  PA started out triple/triple/double, and never recovered.  Wook, pegged at a 4 handicap, figured to be a contender, but a 10 on #8 took him out.  PA did record a miracle birdie on #15; a baseball swing off a blind hillside lie to the back of the green and a 40 foot birdie putt.  Purely routine....W.o.G. recorded the only other birdie of the day, completely reaffirming the random and fleeting nature of excellence in this game.  W.o.G. fired a 42 on the back nine for an impressive 93, net 85 - securing him possible rights to the Cup.  Smith carded 90 on the day, but was bested by Ozy, whose back nine 41 earned him an 89 and, thanks to the extra stroke granted him that morning, was both low gross and low net, giving him the option of the Jacket or the Cup.  The scores seemed to confirm the rumors that Ozy was seen after the practice round emptying a large amount of sand out of his bag into a nearby dumpster.  For reasons unknown to all of us, Ozy opted for "low net" and took the Cup - allowing "low gross" to pass to B. Smith, and Smith claims another year as owner of the Jacket.....which aced poor W.o.G. out of the prize hunt.  What a cruel, arbitrary game this is.... The Rogues left the course tired, hungry (but at least warm and dry) and returned home to the now traditional Rogue BBQ, courtesy of Dave Sautter.  A tremendous meal of burgers, brats, cole slaw, salad and some fresh skillet-cooked peppers from the Smith garden followed.  Following dinner and a sunset cruise for a few players seeking attitude adjustment, the evening's sport included a fierce poker game in the lower level (W.o.G. finally walked away happy) while no one but Goldy and Smith could muster the energy for beer pong.  PA had just enough remaining energy to sit in a rocking chair and stare straight ahead .... For the first time in recent memory, there was no Risk game played at the Rogue.  In fact, the long-standing tradition of the Jacket winner wearing it at a public institution on Saturday night has also not happened for several years.  Does anyone else remember Saturday night?  It appears that some of the time-honored traditions surrounding the Jacket may need to be revived or formally dismissed.  PA needs to show some energy and take the lead on asserting the tournament traditions - in the old days, the Jacket and Cup were brought to the course, the winners tallied and prizes presented there, and then a quick stop at the Black Bear Tavern on the way home for ONE victory toast to the winners, with the Jacket winner wearing it proudly.

Sunday morning brought the usual cleanup, pack-up and departure of the Rogues.... Ozy left clutching the Cup, as he again won the right to engrave his name on it (Oz, I still owe you $4 for putting my initials on it last year).  Smith left the Jacket hanging in the closet of Rogue HQ, and will be there waiting for us to return next year. I'm deeply grateful to have such good friends that can come together as we do every year at this time to laugh about the old times, share some hilarious new times, and to be able to look forward to doing it again the next year.  I know I say this every time - - but I'll say it again:  this event is a joy to host every year, and I hope others get the same enjoyment out of it that I do.  Even though it's only 3+ days, it's great medicine that stays with me for months.  I'll look forward to staying in touch, and I'll close with my now-standard farewell every year - "California Rogue, anyone"?

  Until next year, PA Official Rogue Correspondent

[rogue-cup-hq]

2009 recap

Originally posted 10/22/2009 3:23:00 PM

The stage for Rogue Cup 2009 was clearly set by the weather.  While our group has an eerie ability to identify months in advance when and where low pressure systems are going to develop, this year was historic for our ability to find the potent combination of precipitation AND cold temps.  Despite an average temperature of 65 degrees at this time of year, Deep Creek treated us to a weather forecast of 30+ degrees and rain/sleet threatened to close the course and leave the Rogues with no athletic competition surrounding the alcohol consumption.

Another dimension new to Rogue Cup was the use of legitimate USGA slope calculations to produce objective handicaps based on actual scores from the OZFest and other play over the summer, rather than based on Absolut arguments following the practice round.  While the concept was initiated by PA with the notion that it would serve as great debate during handicap negotiation night, instead it apparently was accepted as a task done, one less thing to do, and left the Rogues free to focus on refining their beer pong skills.  More on the handicaps later.

As for the field of players, we had another milestone - our largest rookie field ever with 3 new players - Barry Bayges, from central Pennsylvania, Tony Morgan, of the Carolina contingent and Jay Erbe, from Maryland (Baltimore area).  They all demonstrated an utterly complete sense of commitment to the event, in ALL respects, with Jay even staying over Sunday night by himself, he had so much fun (more on that later). Lastly, Rick "Luigi" Chamber's manhood shrunk to microscopic proportions, causing a string to dangle from his zipper as he achieved his 2nd consecutive last-minute 'no show'.  Upon hearing the news, the group voted unanimously to adopt Smith's proposal to rename the Shirt of Shame the "Weegie" in his honor.  With 15 guys, the house was at absolute maximum capacity, anyway.  Should the field of players grow any larger, we'll have to pitch tents in the backyard and hope the local bears aren't sniffing out one last mounting before hibernating for the winter.  So, on to the recap -

PA arrived to open Rogue HQ on Thursday afternoon, following the standard "red-eye/no sleep" flight from California.  The Carolina contingent arrived late in the afternoon, bringing with them an incredible gift to the event - a finely crafted classic beer pong tabletop.  Built by Goldy, this engineering marvel was custom-designed in 3 pieces to fit snugly over the billiard table, yet store easily in the closet, away from the elements, to assure years of use.  Finished in 8 coats of beer-resistant polyurethane, "Table Goldy" was the perfect accessory for the weekend and surely will become as revered a sporting surface as Wimbledon's Centre Court, the parquet floor of Boston Garden, or Amen Corner at Augusta.  Adding to the history of great venues (Smith Dome, Moore Park, and PA Stadium), "Rogue Dome" was immediately christened and facilitated some of the highest arc'ing beer pong ever seen.  I don't remember who the first players on the table were (Goldy and PA?), but perhaps that itself is evidence of how successfully "Table Goldy" influenced the weekend.

After a very brief jam session, comprised mainly of meandering and loosely connected guitar and bass riffs, some of which occasionally sounded like music, it was stopped in compassion for the other arrivals (Andrew, Barry, Jay, Schnetz, Tony, W.o.G.).  The Thursday night "Rogue Jam" session, originally conceived for the 3-4 guys who arrived Thursday night; it was a time to play music that no one else would recognize (or want to hear).  With many other Rogue players now appearing to have embraced Thursday arrival, the event now seems to start on Thursday, and the Jammers will have to decide whether continuing this quaint tradition is perhaps outlived. 

So, Thursday night progresses with lots of action under the Rogue Dome, and fevered games of cards being battled in the lower level.  Those turning 50 this year had a lofty goal of collectively doing 50 shots over the course of the weekend.  Will "King Cuervo" Schnetzler led the tequila gang down the path with 7 shots until hunger pangs hit the group.  At that point, knowing that the Rogues are a health-conscious bunch and would need hearty nutrition for the upcoming frozen tundra golf, Will and Andrew arranged for massive quantities of cheesesteak sandwiches to arrive.  It was the perfect food for the perfect moment, and knowing full well the gastronomical effects that would follow, PA began opening windows as the guys finished eating (it was the right thing to do).  The rest of the evening's activities then resumed (beer pong, cards) until the 2AM bell rang.

Friday morning saw the arrival of the remaining Rogues (Smith, Wook, Berner, Ozy).  A motion to declare Luigi transgender did not reach a final vote; however, there was an emerging consensus on that point.  Conditions at Wisp? Cold and wet.  However, the full field of 15 appeared, and the practice round commenced.  Not all practice round scores are available, but based on the scorecards we have containing many 8's and 9's, it was a lot of ugly golf.  The stage was set for Saturday when Andrew went down hard at the 13th tee, badly twisting his ankle and ending his practice round and another quest for the Cup (thus experiencing the first recorded injury in Rogue history).  Jay took Andrew and the golf bags back to HQ, while Will and PA took refuge in the Wisp bar, waiting for the rest of the group and a ride home.  Let it be known that Matt Scott's 90 during the practice round was a personal best for him on Wisp, and was achieved via the astounding consumption level of 1 can of beer.  Matt smiled ear-to-ear as he accepted the fate he knew awaited him the next day.  But more on that later.

As all the Rogues made their way back to "Base Camp", the party started anew.  After many blank stares from the group, PA seized the initiative on dinner, and with limited higher thinking available, made the phone call for 7 loaded pizzas.  As people searched vainly through the boxes for a simple cheese or pepperoni pie, it was determined that someone other than PA would handle the order next year.  Not surprisingly, the lack of variety didn't seem to stop anyone from eating, as the group quickly chowed most of it, leaving leftovers for the traditional late-evening kitchen raid. With bellies full, the Rogues resumed the partying and beer pong when suddenly, a group of visitors from the house next door are walking up the stairs with Ozy and Wook.  Perhaps the most embarrassing sports moment of the weekend (which is saying a lot, given how we played golf) occurred when two women from this group, playing beer pong for the first time in their lives, sunk it on chug point to beat Berner and Schnetzler.  Other beer pong highlights included B. Smith and Ozy being voted "Team Most Likely to Go Over the Railing While Playing Beer Pong at 2AM".   This also was the night we were introduced to "Jim“ - another of the neighbor's group who proceeded to spend more time with us than the people he was actually staying with.  "Oh, Hi Jim" was heard repeatedly over the next 48 hours.

Saturday morning was opened with an incredible feast of Berner McMuffins.  The group was preoccupied by the weather forecast and a great debate ensued on whether to play for the Cup or knit doilies and keep the injured Andrew company.  Matt seemed very happy to stay home and bask in his 90, foregoing any chance of ever winning this event.  Lost in the moment was any debate over handicaps, as the group seemed to capitulate to the USGA system that PA had been slyly advocating.  At the end of the discussion, a small group of stalwart, dedicated golfers braved the conditions to compete for the hallowed Cup, while the small group of minges stayed home.  Out on the course, the battle for the Rogue Cup commenced.  PA had a shockingly good day of driving and putting, sadly offset by the inability to hit an iron.  Smith struggled mightily right out of the chute, and his 97 final score has to rank up there with his toughest days ever.  Ozy strung together a stunning sequence on the front nine (triple, triple, bogey, quad, triple) that sealed his fate and pronounced loudly  "give me the Socks".  He sealed it by firing two quads on the back nine.  Wook suffered what he would label "Berner-itis" on the 16th hole as he spent several minutes trying to tee up his ball, although he did avoid the now-trademarked "Berner sprawl".  Mr. Berner demonstrated mental deterioration throughout the round and on the 18th tee, he did show off his almost-perfect imitation of Camillo Villegas lining up a putt.  The only way to tell the two apart was:  1. Villegas doesn't usually lay on his back.  2. Villegas gets up afterwards without help.  As Mr. B. twitched helplessly, Smith admonished him to "get off my shaft!"  Just to be clear here, Berner was laying on his driver.  W.o.G. made full use of his handicap to take a strong run at the trophy, falling just short as PA's driving, putting and perfectly-objective handicapping system allowed him to take the Cup with a net 94 (nothing to be proud of) while Smith took home the Jacket with his low (and very) gross 97.  Upon returning, the competitors found Andrew surrounded by his knitting circle, happily cruising at high altitude from an afternoon of college football and cold beverages.  The group was treated to another tremendous Rogue BBQ organized and run by Mr. Sautter, who served up burgers, brats and potato salad.  "Oh, look - there's Jim" -  and he stayed with us for the evening.  Ozy insisted on taking the Rogue Cup home instead of presenting it to the winner (me).  By doing so, Ozy has now committed to getting it engraved (note to Ozy: PA is spelled "P.A."). Sunday morning started with the usual cleanup and departure routine, and it appeared the weekend would conclude as usual with PA locking the door after all had left - - until the phone call from Jay.  In a bizarre stroke of luck, probably based on his conduct throughout the weekend, Jay went the wrong direction on Rt 219, which allowed his car to break down in Oakland rather than on some lonely stretch of road leading up to I-68.  He was able to make it back to the house, and after trying every conceivable phone number to get a car rental, he discovered that the only people not in church in Garrett County on Sunday are bartenders, hung-over golfers from out-of-town and small farm animals.  He stayed on at the house Sunday night, and left Monday morning, finally closing Rogue Cup 2009.   All in all, another great weekend for me personally - - can't speak for everyone else, but this weekend is special for me because it's the one time of year I see many of you, and I laugh more during these 3 days than any other time of the year.  And that's damn good for the soul.  As always, Spring Rogue is a challenge for me logistically, unless I'm able to host the event in California, which I throw out there as an option to everyone.   It was GREAT to see you all - Tony/Barry - really enjoyed meeting you guys and hope you make it again!  And Jay - really great to see you again, even if it did mean staying an extra night at the house by yourself!).  As for me, I made it through my front door at midnight on Sunday (3AM to my body on East Coast time), with great memories, and minus a few brain cells that I think I left on the coffee table at Deep Creek.   2010, here we come!  California, anyone?

Respectfully submitted,

PA Rogue Correspondent

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2008 Recap

Originally posted 9/30/2008 4:21:00 PM

Well, another Rogue Cup is in the books, and Fall 2008 proved to be another memorable (kind of) event.

Starting with the now-traditional Thursday night jam session, we managed (in brief bursts) to sound like musicians, with Ed Moore adding some actual musical skill this year with his bass.  Maybe if I practice daily for the next 360 days straight, I'll exhibit some improvement (sorry, fellas). 

Despite the absence of a hurricane, we managed to squeeze in yet another weekend of perfect Rogue weather (overcast, showers), although the sun did shine through briefly on the actual Cup day.

We welcomed two new entrants, with rookie appearances by William Whitehead (now known as "William-of-Goldy") and David Sautter (who managed to escape without being tagged with a ludicrous Rogue nickname).  We also had a quasi-rookie, Mr. Walter Price, who although had played in a Droidian Cup back in 2002, did not actually stay for the full party both before and after.  I'd have to say all three of these guys deserve accolades for fully embracing and living the "Rogue experience" throughout the weekend.  There was a noticeable absence of "Cap'n Lou" Chambers, who had raised everyone's expectations of an appearance, only to flame out at the last minute due to work issues.  The Rogues unanimously agreed that work can only be used as an excuse for missing a rookie appearance once.  Lou, your card has been played.

The "Handicapping Round" yielded absolutely no clarity toward actual handicapping, although it did establish that we all still know how to party on the course.  After the handicap-round butchering of Wisp, we retreated to Rogue HQ and chowed on a record-breaking buttload of pizza (PA owes everyone a "one slice" rebate; exactly 14 slices went in the trash yesterday as I left).  I know now that SIX (not EIGHT) pizzas will properly serve 14 of us!!!!!

Brian and Walter both fired practice round 94's, clinching their 'zero' status, with Ozy lagging quietly back to position himself for negotiations which would eventually prove crucial to the outcome the next day.  PA was a madman getting off the tee boxes on Friday, with drive after drive flying nicely to the fairways, thereby proving that you can drive like a scratch golfer and still completely suck (52/48).  In a surprise move, Schnetzler showed up midway through the front nine of the handicap round.  2007 Winner Ed Moore fired a solid "under 110" to lock in the "I'm going to get screwed" factor in the handicap negotiations that would eventually happen.   Following the pizza gut-bombing, the Rogues drifted off into Risk and Hearts marathons with hardly any talk of handicapping.  Any Hearts/Risk highlights will have to be provided by the participants.

 In another rare move, borne primarily of late planning and entrant uncertainty, the Rogues had to play morning tee times, in a pea-soup of fog and mist that hung over the Wisp.  Since handicaps weren't pinned down on Friday evening, a Saturday morning fever pitch of objections, proclamations and numbers echoed across the kitchen.  Smith shrewdly managed to contain the stroke range, and after several proposals and counters, a final set of handicaps was agreed upon, with Ozy using his one last "Get THE HELL OUT OF HERE" to secure (6) strokes from Smith, which would later prove critical to the outcome.

On the course, it was ugliness all over again.  Doubles, triples and quads (and I believe one player shot a nine-tuple?).  I can personally recount that I thought the Socks were mine after recording a repulsive 59 on the front nine as I rapidly consumed most of my 18 hole beverage supply.  With a sense of utter resignation, and the effects of performance-enhancing beverages and Advil kicking in, my golf shots started to come, and with a 50-foot miracle birdie putt, I managed to fire a 42 on the back, for my best-ever nine holes of golf, thereby proving this game has nothing to do with skill and everything to do with your frame of mind.  But regardless, I narrowly averted taking home the Socks. (please send your stories; I'll compile them all into this narrative and create a Rogue site update with photos).

NOTE:  The following section is written after speaking with Matt on Sunday morning, and upon learning that he remembers nothing about the back nine or balance of the evening.  Matt, this is all being written tongue-in-cheek and with nothing but the best intentions of the sarcastic good humor that marks the Rogue.

At the end of the day, we experienced what I will call the "great Scott" meltdown.  As relayed to me by sources, including Matt, is my recounting of this moment:   unbeknownst to everyone (maybe), Matt had undertaken a Gandhi-like approach to the Rogue Cup, eating nothing after Friday night's pizza.  So, setting out on an empty stomach on Saturday, he proceeded to pound himself into oblivion early on with the usual Rogue beverages, and after leaving his memory on the 8th hole, began to till the soil of the course with his hybrids with increasing anger.  An errant drive by Mr. Smith (actually a great shot that could not have been expected to be that good) either struck or rolled through while Matt stood there.  At this point, the medulla oblongata portion of Matt's brain triggered its most base response, and in a beverage-soaked fury, he "DNF'd" the final 2 holes.  Upon arriving home, he spent the balance of his evening behind closed doors in the "recovery coma" he clearly needed.  On Sunday morning, he humbly acknowledged the loss of control.  Looking back on it, the DNF was an unintentionally brilliant strategic move, as it voided his scorecard and removed him from contention for the Socks.  Bravo, Matt.  But next year - - eat something.

The group did seem somewhat sad and nostalgic that there was no fairway humping this year.  Berner and Schnetzler simply felt that the dignity of the event shouldn't be compromised.  The group was collectively too stupified to check the scorecards before leaving the course.  As a result, the Fall 2008 also had another first - co-Cup winners (Smith, Ozy).  Ah, but I get ahead of myself in failing to mention "Scoregate".  As the scores were tallied around the table on the official Rogue "Scoreplate", Ozy was declared the winner with a net 87, using his 6 stroke handicap to best Brian Smith's impressive sub-90 score of 88 (which may have earned Smith a lifetime 'zero' designation).  However, the official audit of Mr. Ozenbaugh's card revealed a math error on his back nine, and the corrected score of 94 left him TIED with Smith - - and no means of breaking the tie (the suggested 100 yard freestyle swim-off in the lake was quickly shot down).  An unofficial vote of the group awarded custody of the Droidian Jacket to Smith for his 88.  While this award is not sanctioned yet by the Droidian, it simply seemed the right thing to do.  Brian looked very happy to have the Jacket, so much so that he immediately suggested it should be in contention in Spring '09 to be won by someone else.  Meanwhile, engraving the Cup is now the responsibility of Mr. Ozenbaugh.

While Scoregate was unfolding, the 1st Annual Rogue BBQ was underway, with kudos to Dave Sautter - - not only did he deal with picking up all the food, he also managed the grill for the entire group, with some assistance from a few others whom I know were milling about, but I can't remember.  The feast was enjoyed by all (except for Matt "Gandhi" Scott, who was continuing his fast while sleeping off the effects of the Rogue Cup round).

After another evening filled with Risk/Hearts, the Fall 2008 classic drew to a close.  Sunday morning was reserved for the usual clean-up and "mental calibration" for the drive home.  As is customary, the sun came out 30 minutes after the last Rogue left.

The talk of Spring 2009 is North Carolina.  Although I know my odds of making it are slim, I refuse to rule it out until we get closer to pinning down dates and location.  It's not our custom, and I realize it would take a few years of saving $$ for airfares (trust me, I understand that acutely), but would love to host everyone for a California Rogue at some point.  I don't even think the 'Burg factor could bust the northern Ca. "dry weather" pattern in Sept/October.

May we all be blessed with the good health and resources to do this for years to come.  2009 is only a few short months away, and we get to start planning ANOTHER ONE!!

Respectfully submitted (and not audited for historical accuracy) -

PA, Rogue Correspondent

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