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Bjørg-Elise Tuppen / «Moments With the Moon II»

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NOT EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE SOMETHING ELSE

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Mood

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Let yourself make AND learn from your mistakes. 

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Barred Owl

The Arb, WI, 2-1-17

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solar // lunar

(please do not tag as kin/me, these are my mascots)

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For the love of lavender #2

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The woods were full of purple.

By Periscope9

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choices

Keanu’s friends were dying. 

He’d been the one to lead them into this. He’d been the one who wanted to help the tieflings. He’d pretended to be someone he wasn’t, tried to pull one over with a half-cocked plan, and it was his fault that Beiven’s screams were ringing in his ears despite the roaring wall of flame. 

Somehow he managed to run, his form shimmering into invisibility as he dashed beyond the demon who was holding them all hostage. Whose beasts were killing his friends. 

They were killing his friends. 

It was his fault. 

He tried to lead Armianzer on a chase, tried to bring help to their location, tried to send Jericho out to find help. He tried everything short of running back into a deadly situation where there would be no one left to explain what happened. 

Maybe that’s the choice he should have made. Maybe he should be dead. Tears sprang to his eyes at the thought. 

He desperately tried to remember the name of Bax’s god, tried to think of any god he might have a connection to, but it all came back to Her. To the Lavender Queen. The suspicious deity that punished as much as she gave, that clearly had an agenda that Keanu wasn’t sure he agreed with. He’d done everything in his being to thwart her plans, to keep Ebros from following her directions. 

Now, in the depths of his mind and his heart he screamed out for Her as he ran into a building. It was either Her or death. Her, and potentially forfeiting his soul, for the sake of his friends. 

For Beiven. For Mith. For Ebros. 

When She appeared before him his heart nearly stopped. It worked. She had come when he called and there was something to be said for that, wasn’t there? He was a brat, a thorn in Her side, and yet She stood before him ready to make a deal. His service, his willingness to be Her pawn, in exchange for his friend’s safety. 

He could run. He could leave and return to his sad little apartment and pretend he’d never met any of them. He could run to Coldplay and try to ignore the yawning chasm where Frostwind was supposed to be. The tears returned when he thought of a life without them, without his friends. 

Finally, he thought about Edward throwing himself after Jarlaxle, loyal to his leader to the end. Even when it meant possible death. And this, well, this wasn’t death, was it? 

Everything after his agreement seemed to slow even though the Lavender Queen wasn’t really messing with time. She was negotiating, Mith was taken, his friends were alive, he was arrested. All of these passed by him as he was numbed to the experience. What was he? Had he done the right thing? Did he make the right choice? For Beiven’s life, for Ebros’? Could they save Mith? 

Keanu couldn’t look his friends in the eye so he returned to his little apartment, less shitty than it once was, and shut the door quietly. He accepted the visit from Her, accepted Her gentle comforts even though his heart was not in it, and fell into an uneasy sleep. 

It was his fault. And he fell asleep thinking of his mother’s sad face looking at him and he was grateful she wasn’t alive to see what he had become. 

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home again

From kidnap to airships, the past tenday had been a wild ride. To see the walls of Waterdeep in the distance brought a strange fondness matched only by his exhaustion. He was home but only for a time and somehow Waterdeep seemed so bland compared to the things he’d seen in the recent days. 

The Inquisition eyed them but Keanu didn’t care. He paid his five gold and got into the city. They would be taken care of eventually. Walking through the Field Ward, he was met with a sense of surety. Given what they’d faced, what power did the Inquisition hold over them? They were humans. Hired guns. They weren’t drow or barbarians or demons or people from far-off realms. 

After facing down the Warforged Colossus in an aerial escape, what was there to really fear? At least he knew what he’d get in Waterdeep. 

The only thing that reminded him that he still held an anxious heart was finding Frostwind’s note. I’m sorry, it read. He tried not to panic as he began searching through the other papers, finding nothing except hints that he was somehow tied in with what’s happening with the tieflings and the inquisition. Frostwind was the closest thing he had to family (outside of the party, a voice reminded him) and he hoped intensely that he was alright. 

As he left the office he glanced down the hall where a certain room lay and thought of Edward. Keep him safe, he thought to any god who would listen to him. “I’m not a praying man,” he whispered when Beiven left his side to go join the party outside and he lingered in a hallway. “But whatever powers are out there, we could use some help.” 

He’d never had a reason to talk to the gods before, but this seemed as good a time as any. He waited as if he really believed there would be a response and then scoffed, moving on. What did the gods have to do with him? 

Back on the streets of Waterdeep he took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. If they failed their mission, then in seven days Waterdeep would likely fall to an airship and warforged monsters. They had a lot of work to do. 

“Here’s to saving the world,” he murmured before he turned toward the carriage and returned to the party. 

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Art G.Shvecova (Design graphics - Purple space_260118)

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I could spend a lifetime lookin' for something Waitin' for the one, but it's never comin' Miles and miles, but I can't stop runnin', can't stop runnin' 'Cause when I'm at my best, I just see imperfections Counting up my debts, never counting my blessings Always out of reach, but it's right there in front of me Right there in front of me, am I always gonna be

Chasing my shadow? Chasing my shadow

Drinkin' on my back porch, dreamin' we'll get out Scuffin' up my white Vans, sneak out of your house Just a couple kids, tryna figure it all out Actin' reckless and stupid like life is a movie Okay, now let's fast-forward, stick to the program Stickers on my passport, New York to London See the Eiffel Tower through a telescope Watch a car crash, and a homeless man he said "What do you know?" Well, what do I know?

Chasing my shadow Chasing my shadow Wherever I run, wherever I go Will I ever stop wanting more Chasing my shadow

X Ambassadors - Shadows

Art commissioned from Jessica Nguyen on Twitter.

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David Stenbeck.