rohanrider3

[rohanrider3]

my late stepdad was italian from calabria and he taught my mom how to swear in the language much like how my dad taught my mom how to swear in punjabi and malay so whenever she gets road rage she starts shouting at people in an insane incoherent combo of italian-punjabi-malay. she is irish canadian

[rohanrider3]

Dude this one customer was like MY SON HAS TO GET A JOB AND STOP MOOCHING OFF MY MONEY. And I was like “how old is he?” And she was like “17” and I was like. Holy shit you’re a freak! Lmao. Like teens can get jobs sure but he’s still a child you’re responsible for acting like he’s mooching off you when it’s YOUR responsibility to take care of him. What a fucking freak I hate capitalism lmao

[rohanrider3]

these are KILLING me

[rohanrider3]

[rohanrider3]

[rohanrider3]

i hope luigi mangione is proven innocent & gets to sue a ton of companies for slander and win & i hope he gets enough money to rebuild his life and get any help for his chronic pain that he needs & i hope he’s able to disappear from the public eye entirely if that’s what he wants

[rohanrider3]

Yesterday, one of my preschoolers came up to me very concerned, and said, “Miss ____, this book doesn’t have any pages!”

Now, this kid is only three, and I can’t always understand what he says because he’s still so little. However, he carries himself and has the conversational lilt of an 80-year-old academic, so I absolutely believed him. Also, like any library, not all of our books have been as gently used as one might like, so there’s always a chance that the pages of the book this kid was holding actually had fallen out somewhere, and he was only holding the cover. I hurried over to see if this was the case and he opened the book for me, still very concerned.

He had only opened to the end sheet, that blank page at the front of a book. I turned the page for him to reveal the title page. This look of absolute relief crossed his face and he went, “Oh, silly me. I didn’t look hard enough!”

I love kids.

[rohanrider3]

do you ever draw something for yourself that’s so deliciously self-indulgent that you just sit there like

[Image ID: 2 digital drawings of a short-haired person drawing on a tablet. In the first image they are looking at the screen and blushing pink. In the second image they are looking away from the screen and blushing more heavily, with the caption “…is this allowed?”. End ID]

[rohanrider3]

remember that sasuke figurine that could hold up like literally fricking anythign

[rohanrider3]

It’s interesting how diseases rip through schools at incredible speeds despite being in an arguably modern, clean(ish) environment. I wonder if it has something to do with the whole “you need a doctor’s note to excuse your absence of even one day” combined with the average price of going to a doctor, the lack of education on things like “you’re still contagious even after the fever goes away”, and the overwhelming message of “if you don’t struggle through it, you’re a failure!”

[rohanrider3]

Doctor: $140,000 a year

Furry artist on Patreon: $160,000 a year

[rohanrider3]

fairytales which tell you to be both kind and clever fairytales that say to be kind is to be clever and to be clever is to be kind fairytales that say the cleverest thing you can ever do is choose kindness and that cruelty or thoughtlessness are always foolish but not kindness never kindness

[rohanrider3]

question: how does it feel to watch people you care about be mistreated? how would you describe that feeling?

[rohanrider3]

My beloved @aorryn47 and I met on a dating site. They were one of my top personality matches. Unbeknownst to me Richard helped them game the system to get really high matches. We chatted for a bit and somehow ended up talking about laundry. I admitted that I smell test my shirts and could go a really long time between washes because I didn’t really sweat. This was a bad thing actually, and I sweat now, don’t worry.

They then abruptly stopped talking to me. I was like. :( oh. I’m a gross lil guy, I didn’t think it was that weird but maybe I should wash my clothes more even if they don’t smell. I continued on with my dating escapades.

Then about a week and a half later they were like, “Hey, I hate talking on here, do you just want to meet up?”

I agreed to coffee but somehow assumed that meant breakfast. This would lead to a contentious years long debate that I lost about my assumption that coffee meant breakfast. My beloved generously ordered soup so I wasn’t eating alone. I showed up half an hour early because it was a new location and I get anxious about being late.

I waited in my car, reading a bit to pass the time. After a while I stepped out to head inside. The car that had been parked next to me pretty much the whole time I’d be waiting also opened, and there was my beloved. Equally early.

I felt like that was a pretty good sign.

I generally just chatter when I meet people and they liked not having to fill the silence. I talked about finding blood on showroom mattresses and they told me about being an acupuncture student.

By the time I had to leave to meet an exterminator at my place I knew I’d like to spend more time with them. So I invited them over for board games while we waited for someone to come deal with my ant problem. They agreed.

When they got to my place I wanted them to meet my cat. Leeloo is an oddball and one thing that consistently makes her like visitors is if they sit on the bed. So I ushered my beloved to the bedroom and urged them to sit on the bed so Leeloo would come up and be friendly.

I would learn later that this was viewed as a potential way to put the moves on them which flabbergasted me. I just wanted my cat to say hi, which she did. But when I write the words I asked someone on a first date to sit on my bed to meet my cat I do hear how it sounds.

[rohanrider3]

give yourself a sense of place and time. rotate your wardrobe when the weather changes. update your playlists every month. write down three things you did today. do it everyday. message your friends good morning. buy yourself different flavours of tea based on your mood, the packaging, the weather, your heart. save the little paper labels; stick them in your notebook until the inside cover is full of little colored tags. have it hot in the winter. have it cold in the summer. learn to make apple cider, raspberry cordial. spend the summer knitting a scarf for the colder months. spend the winter sewing loose flowy blouses for the summer. open the windows, five minutes a day if it's cold, all day if it's warm. give yourself a sense of place and time and weather.

[rohanrider3]

[rohanrider3]

Hey man, ahead of this heatwave I'm gonna go ahead and rip the veil off of something for you:

The reason American Southerners have the luxury of saying that 90 ain't that bad and it's not unbearable until it's 100 is 1) prolonged exposure to high temperatures over multiple decades 2) our mindset for these living conditions.

You don't have number 1, and you can't just acquire it, so I need you to adopt number 2 immediately. How do you live like a Southerner in the heat?

Don't be a hero.

Stay inside. Buy a box fan, put it next to a bucket of ice, and wrap your arms around it like a lover. Do not leave the shade under any circumstances. If a dude makes fun of you for getting out of the sun, don't get mad, just think of a funnier insult to call him while you flip him off and go stand under a tree.

Southerners love nothing more than to exaggerate and lie to each other. Like I think we got off on the wrong foot when you walked in on us saying things like "It was only 110, I didn't even take my damn jacket off" when really, last week it was 95 at 10 PM and we were on the bed buck nekkid in front of the fan moaning incoherently and praying to die. So yeah, we can take extreme heat. We also want you to think we can take ludicrous heat. You must learn to talk shit and then be a hypocrite and a coward in your actions, because this will serve you best.

It sounds like I am joking but I cannot express to you how much I am not. Do not fuck with Mother Nature, because that bitch will kill you. Take every opportunity to lower your body temperature and drink water, because that is what all of us in hot climates are doing all the time, and that is why we are not dead, even when it seems like we should be.

(And yeah, we do go through like two and a half ugly weeks in April every year where everyone wants to absolutely just goddamn drop dead because none of us have our heat tolerance back, but we must go to work anyway, which must be a crime. And yes, when it gets below 70 we really all do short circuit and cover ourselves in seven jackets, except for Shorts Guy.)