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[roi-des-voleurs]

REMY LEBEAU HEADERS

Made for @roi-des-voleurs for the Begin Again Holiday Exchange!

[roi-des-voleurs]

@ruleroflimbo -- Illyana Rasputina

(for Begin Again Secret Santa!)

[roi-des-voleurs]

catalystsofchange​:

“I don’t know, it might break their little reptilian hearts,” Dick shot back with a laugh. Truth be told, he really did think the villains in Gotham tended to miss him when he wasn’t patrolling there… if only because he was probably one of the least violent vigilantes that roamed that city. Bruce had a tendency to take his ‘no killing’ rule to the very edge, Jason had never even pretended to follow it. Damian had to be held back by the scruff of his neck to keep him from putting a sword through someone’s chest more often than not, and the rest of the bats ranged from ‘will take you to jail with both kneecaps shattered’ to ‘will drop you off at the emergency room to get stitches before your stint in Arkham’ depending on the day. “Ah, clearly you’re not familiar with Gotham. Lizard people is pretty tame.”

Huffing a laugh, Dick offered his newfound companion a nod. “Okay, okay, just double-checking. I don’t want to get blamed for anything. My family would have a field day with it.” Especially Jason, who lit up like a Christmas tree any time Dick did anything that made him look like less than the family golden boy. “I used to be in a circus, so I can definitely promise real acrobatics.”

//

Whether it would break the lizard people's hearts or not, Remy was still intrigued by that being something this guy encountered. Being a member of the X-Men made someone pretty used to weird events, sure, but most of that was still tied in to being a mutant in the first place. There being a place where everyone saw things like that sounded wild. "Gotham, huh? T'ink I might've heard o' it, but I don' remember nothin' 'bout lizards. If dey're tame, what's worse? Killer rabbits?"

If anyone would get blamed for a mishap, it was Remy. He got blamed for things that were not his fault all the time. (Ok, things that were only partially his fault.) "Non, I'd be de one t' get de blame. People 'round here know who t' yell at when somet'ing blows up. Wouldn't want de family t' be hard on you unnecessarily." He sort of understood that; after all, the X-Men were like his family now. "Ooo, a circus? Dat must've been fun! But, um, you weren't a clown, were you? 'Cause I gotta confess, clowns kinda creep me out."

[roi-des-voleurs]

daisyquakes​:

“You’re got what stuck in your WHAT?”

@roi-des-voleurs

“Why are you so loud!?” Daisy elbowed him in response. She wasn’t much quieter, if anything, she was a few notches higher, trying to cover up what he was saying and drawing more attention to both of them in the process. “A noodle, Remy. A noodle in my nose. You make it sound like I was going to end up in the hospital for something nasty-” Daisy cut herself off, looking Remy in the eyes before frowning deeply.

“Have you done that?” Was it a question or an accusation? Daisy couldn’t tell him, but it was likely a bit of both. “Because if you’re projecting, I deserve to know.”

//

Alright, Remy was probably overreacting just a little. But then Daisy had made a stink when he had dropped in--quite literally--on her, so this might have been a little payback. Besides, he really could not get over the hilarity of her getting a noodle stuck in her nose. "Oh pardon," he hissed, switching over to a ridiculously overblown and still rather loud whisper instead, "You don' want no one t' know you were snortin' noodles. Got it." He nodded, trying to look serious and failing miserably.

"Done what? Gotten a noodle up my nose? Non, I don' sniff my culinary creations dat closely." Because that was the way he took her question. If she was asking if he had ever gotten something stuck somewhere more sensitive, Remy was not going to elaborate. "Projectin'? Oh sure, I'm really jealous o' you. Doesn't everyone want t' get a noodle stuck up their nose?"

[roi-des-voleurs]

firstxman​:

(✉️ ➡️ Gambit): I don’t think I’d have much of a say in the matter. (✉️ ➡️ Gambit): A lot of people might beg to differ with you there. (✉️ ➡️ Gambit): It seems to be more of a side effect of your personality. (✉️ ➡️ Gambit): Right. Of course.

[le cyclope] because i'm your friend and you wouldn't want me to get in too much trouble, right?? not because you'd be forced to, right? [le cyclope] well ok, maybe they can be fun. sometimes. [le cyclope] you sayin that i make people wanna punch me in the face? oh come on, that ain't true! who’d wanna punch /this/ face?? [le cyclope] somehow i'm gettin the impression you ain't too sympathetic to my plight here, mon ami

[roi-des-voleurs]

rictorscales​:

(✉️ ➡️ ALL CONTACTS): this is a mass text. (✉️ ➡️ ALL CONTACTS): does anyone know where i am.

[le tremblement de terre + group] oh great. this'll be good [le tremblement de terre + group] ... [le tremblement de terre + group] uh, non? you sayin /you/ don't know?? [le tremblement de terre + group] you do realize the phone you're usin right now can tell you that, right?

[roi-des-voleurs]

avengerofiron​:

Halloween really wasn’t the time to bring decorations to life. For the first couple of days, there was a pretty even split in New York between people who wholeheartedly believed the city had been held in the thrall of some great sorceress having a laugh at their expense, and people who believed it was their friends and family creating elaborate hoaxes just to mess with them. Considering all that Remy had seen, Tony assumed he would belong to the former, but his personality also had to be taken into account. There was no way Remy LeBeau wouldn’t try to break the rules, or at least bend them a little bit; no way that he wouldn’t push the skeletons to see what they’d do.

“You’ve definitely had lessons on being outnumbered though, right?” Tony asked, but there was no part of him that wasn’t amused at the situation before them. There didn’t seem to be any great threat to what was now happening in the city. For the most part, the chaos was harmless, something that he hadn’t experienced for a long time, and he was going to make the best of it. “This is your chance,” he said. “Please, Tony. Save me, Tony. I accept ‘knight in shining armor’ or ‘Golden Avenger’ as part of your damsel in distress act, too.” The skeletons moved forward with renewed purpose, and Tony pushed up off the ground, floating in place before Remy. “Or I could let you get eaten. Will they eat you?”

//

"Oui, I might've had some lessons on dat." Being outnumbered was something Remy had certainly had lessons in, though most of the time when he found himself outnumbered, he made a dramatic escape. Now, he was rather stuck. "Think dey'd buy it if I used de ol' 'Hey, what's dat over dere?' routine?" He doubted it, especially considering he had already underestimated the skeletons' intelligence. It probably would not be advisable to do it again. 

He definitely would appreciate Tony's help, but Remy was a little hesitant to beg. "Quoi? Tell me you ain't only gon' help if I say dat!" Considering how fluent Tony was in sarcasm, he could only assume he was joking. He gripped the bag tighter, ready to start charging up the candy if necessary. He certainly would do that before pleading with Tony. Seeing that the Avenger had actually started to float upward a bit, Remy made an exasperated face. "Dey ain't gon' eat no one! Dey jus' decorations!" he declared, though he was not entirely certain he could rule that out. With them all up and moving about and stealing things, who knew what else they might do. Staring between Tony and the advancing skeletons, he finally grumbled, "Aidez moi, s'il vous plait? Dat better be good enough, 'cause you ain't gettin' de satisfaction o' me repeatin' it in English!"

[roi-des-voleurs]

firstxman​:

(✉️ ➡️ Gambit): Uh huh. (✉️ ➡️ Gambit): You’re sounding incredibly innocent. […] (✉️ ➡️ Gambit): Wow. Very unexpected. (✉️ ➡️ Gambit): What /were/ you aiming for?

[le cyclope] if you could see my face right now, you'd know i was totally tellin the truth [le cyclope] yeah, cause i am! i don't go round hurtin poor little trees! [...] [le cyclope] that hurts, mon ami. you sayin you don't trust me? [le cyclope] on second thought, don't answer that [le cyclope] a garbage can. it was closer than it should've been to the tree! [le cyclope] we need to get on that sanitation stuff and fix that asap!!

[roi-des-voleurs]

libertycaps​:

(✉ → Gambit, X-Men): I hope that means I made a good impression. (✉ → Gambit, X-Men): Dr. Summers mentioned something about you being the chef at her wedding. I knew I came to the right man. (✉ → Gambit, X-Men): Hoping to, anyway. She might say no. (✉ → Gambit, X-Men): We can travel outside the city, if that widens our options? (✉ → Gambit, X-Men): She really likes burgers. (✉ → Gambit, X-Men): UNSENT She’s a spy so that’s all I really know about (✉ → Gambit, X-Men): What do people usually do for romantic dinners instead? (✉ → Gambit, X-Men): I’ve never really had one, before.

[capitaine america!!] what?? how could you not? i'd be more worried that i didn't make a good one on /you/! [capitaine america!!] ah, yeah that was me. it was awfully nice of jean and scott to let me do the cookin for their weddin. i ain't used to people lettin me do things like that [capitaine america!!] why would she say no?? what lady would turn capitaine america down?? [capitaine america!!] oop, pardon, i meant what lady would turn steve down?? [capitaine america!!] well, the closest place that i know of with good cajun cookin is a few hundred miles south, so i'm not sure how far you want to widen your options [capitaine america!!] nothin wrong with that, but it ain't what /i'd/ think of for a romantic dinner. but hey, if that's what she likes, i'm sure she'd be glad you're thinkin bout what she likes first [capitaine america!!] other people probably would go for a steak dinner. me, i'd make the most parfait jambalaya, and have a whole nice atmosphere set up, probably outside [capitaine america!!] you haven't?? oh, we gotta rectify this! you gotta take your lady out and have the best night possible! [capitaine america!!] even if you just end up havin burgers!

[roi-des-voleurs]

twentyninetynines​:

Miguel snorted, because honestly? That analogy sounded pretty damn familiar. He could blame the guy in front of him now for the situation all he wanted, but the truth of the matter was that Miguel found himself in positions like this far more often than this man happened to stumble upon him in the chaos. If anything, the fact that he was running into the guy again with aching ribs and a building migraine said more about Miguel’s ability to find trouble than the Cajun’s. 

“You know, I think he dropped his funny bone a couple blocks back. You’re shit outta luck there, buddy.” His tone was dry, more Miguel O’Hara than Spider-Man because it was damn hard to separate the two when he was as tired as he was now. “Are you holding playing cards right now, or did that skeleton hit me harder than I realized?”

//

Considering Spidey's reaction to his initial joke, Remy was not expecting any sort of witty retort in return. So when he actually did get a pretty damn good retort, he blinked for a moment before laughing. "Aha, an' I thought you weren't seein' de humor! Guess I was wrong, 'cause dat was a good one! Least you haven't lost your funny bone, Spider-Homme!" See, clearly he was not wrong for thinking this situation had to be accompanied by some witty banter!

The last time they had encountered each other, Remy had been demonstrating his talent for cards, but only in the traditional way. Spider-Man had yet to see what he could really do with them. Grinning, he held the cards up. "Don' worry, you ain't imaginin' dat. You only got t' see what I can do wit' dem at de card table. Wait 'til you get a load o' how well I really play 'em!" Seeing another skeleton coming towards them, he gave the cards a charge and let them fly, promptly exploding the skeleton and sending bones flying. "Oop, I guess dat one lost his funny bone too! Along wit' everyt'ing else!"

[roi-des-voleurs]

jeaniegreysummers​:

(✉ → rems🃏): I like to think of it as introspection. (✉ → rems🃏): Besides, would you rather I lied to you? (✉ → rems🃏): Don’t blame the cat. He’s done nothing wrong. (✉ → rems🃏): I don’t run. (✉ → rems🃏): I walk, quickly. (✉ → rems🃏): This conversation also isn’t about me, it’s about you. […] (✉ → rems🃏): Then you should start a petition with the stores, but until then, I’m right. (✉ → rems🃏): If he gets a little testy, the glasses don’t hold back as much as they are supposed to. (✉ → rems🃏): You saw what happened in Christmas of 2005.

[la rousse] i think of it as harsh [la rousse] maybe [la rousse] ok, i guess not [la rousse] i wasn't blaimin him! just explainin why i took a while to reply [la rousse] and you do it with such style, chere! [la rousse] why's it gotta be bout me? [la rousse] i mean, i love talkin bout myself but only when i'm not under scrutiny [...] [la rousse] i'd love to, but i know they ain't gonna listen to me. and no, you ain't [la rousse] oh, damn. ok, maybe you got a point then [la rousse] don't want him blastin things just cause he had lil too much spice [la rousse] i'm sure i did, but my memory's a lil hazy. think i was nippin into the bourbon pretty early that evenin

[roi-des-voleurs]

firstxman​:

“Nothing calls for a plethora of puns, Remy. Nothing.” Even as he said it, a smile twitched at the corner of his lips. In all honesty, after all the chaos they’d suffered… this particular brand of mischief was almost whimsical. There was a danger to it, to be sure, particularly regarding the decorations, but overall? It seemed more an inconvenience than anything. It almost felt like a vacation in comparison.

But not quite. Not completely, not entirely. There was still some danger here, even if it wasn’t on par with raging emotions or a mad man with the Phoenix Force. Scott blasted a pumpkin from over Remy’s shoulder, jaw set. “Not a word. Please.”

//

Even though Remy was aware that Scott would disapprove of his humor, he made a sad face just the same. "Oh, why you bein' like dat? Gotta have some levity, an' I jus' don' see how you can even t'ink 'bout fightin' a skeleton wit'out some kinda joke. It's like bein' in some bad B movie from de 60's!" He had seen plenty of weird things in his time with the X-Men, but walking, talking Halloween decorations had to be a special kind of weird.

It was not exactly all fun and games though, as Scott took care of a pumpkin that had been sneaking up on Remy. Whirling around, he grinned as it exploded into mush. "Not a word?" Again he gave Scott the sad face. "But I jus' gotta! I jus' gotta say somet'ing 'bout how he got...squashed!" Clapping his hand to his mouth, he added, not at all sincerely, "Oops, pardon!"

[roi-des-voleurs]

kxtepryde​:

[📱to awesome x 52 ] too many bones? [📱to awesome x 52 ] bony, if you will? [��to awesome x 52 ] I took care of the skeletons already, I’m fully focused on bone puns now [📱to awesome x 52 ] I think I might be out :( […] [📱to awesome x 52 ] I think you’re wrong but I’m texting him, anyway

[minou] just a few too many, maybe [minou] you aimin to change your name to "punny", huh? [minou] oui, i can /definitely/ see that [minou] ah well. it was good while it lasted, non? [...] [minou] you think i'm wrong?? oh chere, when would i ever lead you astray?

[roi-des-voleurs]

firstxman​:

(✉️ ➡️ Gambit): Unfortunately. (✉️ ➡️ Gambit): That’s also not as surprising as I wish it were. (✉️ ➡️ Gambit): I’m not touchy, Remy. I’d just like it if you didn’t get into brawls every weekend. You could do with less being punched. (✉️ ➡️ Gambit): So. At least five cops, then.

[le cyclope] well, let's look at it this way, you also know me well enough that you'd give me an alibi if i ever needed it, right? right?? [le cyclope] oh come on, who wants to be surprised? surprises ain't fun [le cyclope] sure i could do with less bein punched, but sometimes that just comes with the territory when you're havin a good time! [le cyclope] give or take, yeah. i kinda lost count since, you know, i was bein punched

[roi-des-voleurs]

avengerofiron​:

(✉ → red eye): so who will i be dealing with on the business end of things from now on, then? (✉ → red eye): you were pretty refreshing after a day of dealing with stockbrokers, have to say (✉ → red eye): until you dumped me, in a business sense. harsh […] (✉ → red eye): yes. yes, i do (✉ → red eye): i think it’s just the right level of stupid for me to write it off as too stupid, and then it would be unexpected when you did it (✉ → red eye): i know how brains work, remy (✉ → red eye): well, that doesn’t narrow it down (✉ → red eye): elon musk really likes tapestries (✉ → red eye): are you saying you stole from elon musk?

[homme de fer] so you sayin you'd rather talk to me? but you're a big time ceo guy. wouldn't you rather talk to someone more like that? [homme de fer] ok, i guess i'll give you that. never let it be said remy lebeau didn't liven up every room he goes into! [homme de fer] come on, i didn't dump you! business ain't my thing, i told you that! i like talkin to you, i just don't wanna be the reason we can't get good wifi or whatever else on genosha [...] [homme de fer] see, if you think i'm that stupid, why you still wanna do business with me?? [homme de fer] and i'm totally insulted you think that, homme [homme de fer] that's insultin /and/ confusin [homme de fer] good, at least one of us does! [homme de fer] so lots of rich guys collect ugly tapestries? don't they got better things to spend their money on?? [homme de fer] on non, it definitely wasn't him! [homme de fer] you think i wouldn't have remembered if i was robbin him??

[roi-des-voleurs]

catalystsofchange​:

Dick took note of the man’s accent right away, humming softly. New Orleans. He settled on the location with ease. It was a skill he’d picked up long before Batman took him under his wing, back when he was just a circus kid traveling the United States with his parents. He and his mother used to sit together by the tents, picking conversations with people as they passed. An accent can tell you a lot about someone, she’d told him, her own Romani accent lilting her words gently. So pay attention. And he always did.

“Oh, yeah,” he agreed, flashing the Cajun a bright grin. “I’ve been bored all night. Started off in Bludhaven, came here when there was nothing going on. I was, like, five minutes away from heading out to Gotham to fight lizard people or whatever’s going on there this week.” He huffed a laugh when the man spoke, nodding his head. “I’d prefer the lawful kind, but… I won’t tell anybody that you’re definitely into committing property damage for kicks. Promise.” His grin widened at the offer, and he took a few enthusiastic steps forward. “I’d love that. All I can really offer in return is a couple acrobat techniques, so I hope that’s all right.”

//

Fighting lizard people certainly would have made for an interesting evening, but that might have been a little too interesting. They fought plenty of bad guys; surely it was time for something different. Breaking a few things would be much more fun. "I don' t'ink dose lizard people are gon' miss you, homme," Remy said, "Though I gotta wonder 'bout a place where dat's jus' de new t'ing o' de week." And here he had thought mutants had a lot of excitement! 

While this guy did not seem like he would tell anyone about them breaking things, it really would not matter if he did. Remy had enough of a reputation already. "I said de lawful kind! I jus' tend t' end up in trouble for de other kind, whether I mean t' or not." He made a face as though he was a totally innocent victim, when in fact he was anything but. Though his face lit up at his companion's acceptance of the offer. "Ah, parfait! An' I'd love t' see some acrobat stuff! I ain't too shabby at droppin' down from de ceiling on a wire, but real acrobatics are a li'l beyond me."

[roi-des-voleurs]

sharcarters​:​

Sharon had both ducks wrapped up in a jacket despite their many protests. Both wanting to walk themselves. Gregory telling her that he was a grown duck and had functioning feet, and Dave telling her that this was humiliating. (But at the same time, Dave was resting his head on her arm and falling asleep despite his brother loudly protesting the entire situation.) She went to Remy’s figuring that he had enough experience with animals that she had convinced herself that he was a whisperer of pets.

But a knock and an open door later — Sharon was looking down at a cat with just as much attitude as Gregory. If not more. “I see—” Her words were barely in the air when Gregory ruffled his feathers and looked down at the cat.

“Another feline?” Gregory made his irritation known quickly. Dave brought his head up, but it quickly fell to the side again. He was exhausted. (By what, Sharon didn’t know.) “Tell the pest that it’s on the same level as rats.” Sharon sighed and closed her eyes as Remy spoke.

“I think we’re having a bit of the same, actually.” Sharon looked down at the cat, putting Gregory up further so that he wasn’t close enough to be easily caught by Remy’s cats. (Though she wasn’t sure that she could truly stop them if they kept going at it — and if they weren’t speaking English, would she have known that they weren’t getting along?) Sharon dug through her pockets quickly before pulling out a small bell attached to a string. “It’s not food, but… would this work?” The toy she used for Liho was hopefully enough of a peace offering to grant her entrance. (Despite her ducks.)

//

Having expected the talking cats to be a shock, Remy was surprised to find Sharon had brought some chatty animals of her own. So clearly it was not just his boys that were acting up. What the hell was going on here? "Yeah, it looks like we are. So you got some rowdy li'l guys o' your own, I see. Nice t', um, meet you both?" He felt silly introducing himself to ducks, but hey, they were talking. So what else was he supposed to do? Glancing down at Oliver, Remy said, "An' dis rude chat is Oliver, an' dose other two troublemakers are Lucifer an' Figaro. Dey're pleased t' meet you too, even if dey don' show it."

"Oh, we can certainly show our appreciation," Lucifer said, trotting over to them and eyeing the ducks hungrily, "Why don't you put them down so we can say hi?"

"Non, dat ain't happenin'," Remy said firmly, "You ain't doin' nothin' t' Sharon's ducks."

Lucifer frowned, as did Oliver, especially when one of the ducks insulted him. Hissing, he started to crouch in order to pounce, but Remy snatched him up before he could. "I said no, Oliver!"

"You said it in French. I don't speak French," the cat retorted. 

"Oh yes you do. You know exactly what I mean I when I say 'le dîner est prêt'."

That got Oliver to be silent, for the moment. Instead he started to sulk in Remy's arms. But his ears perked up when Sharon waggled the bell. 

"Ooo, is that for us?" Lucifer peered up at her, suddenly less interested in the ducks.

That got Figaro's attention too, and he came bounding over. "For us?"

"Sure...if you behave yourselves. You gon' be good boys? Den you can have de toy."

"Oh yes! We'll be good, please!" all three cats exclaimed, not quite in unison.

"Ok, ok." Remy shook his head, then turned back to Sharon. "Guess your peace offerin' passes muster."